When Was The Last Time You?
by In The Shadows I Dwell
Summary: 'We were all broken; we just had to love our broken friends and family with all the love our broken hearts had to give...' - Hermione has been left to face the war alone, what she'll find is that she is not as truly as alone as first thought.
1. When Was The Last Time You Started?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter One: When Was The Last Time You Started?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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_"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."_

* * *

September First is a day of new beginnings. Fantastic, wondrous, new beginnings. This day brings about the end of the holidays which at times drag on aimlessly, making any student want to return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. September First is also a day for Starts. It signals the start of a new school year, the start of a journey for the First Years, the start of a Seventh Year's final year of magical education. For many alike me; it's a time to rejoice and be glad that finally the day has come when you get to return to the world you truly belong in. Where you need not fear your true identity, the world your friends live in. For others it signals the end, a bleak situation they've had forced upon them, as their home situation is no better for them than schooling would be. For some the return of Lord Voldemort signalled the beginning of the end.

For some it's the last place they can hide, safe from the torments of the outside world. For some it would be the last time they would ever see their families, the sadness showing deep within their eyes. I watched as younger students clung desperately to their parents, a last solid attempt at remaining with them. The truth is, I knew as I watched that this would be the last time these parents might ever get to hold their children, the desperation in their eyes almost unbearable to watch. I turned away unable to watch the scenes of sadness, the last moments these people might ever have with their children. I fought back my tears as I stumbled onto the train, barely able to concentrate, the memories of my final goodbye with my parents lingering freshly within my mind.

* * *

"_Mum? Dad?" I whisper._

"_Yes Honey?" My Mum calls walking into the lounge, still in her apron, her face and hair covered with flour._

_I smile._

"_Yes?" My father calls from the study._

"_Can you come here please?" I ask._

_I hear the muffled sounds of the chair sliding backwards on the wooden floor and his footsteps as they approach the lounge room. I take a deep breath knowing what must and has to be done in order to ensure that no harm could come to them._

"_I love you!" I cry throwing my arms around my Mum, taking her entirely by surprise._

_She pats my head reassuringly, "I love you too…" She whispers in a low voice._

_A voice so low, I could almost swear she knew of my intentions._

"_I love you too sweetheart." My Dad whispers hugging me softly._

_I pull away slowly taking in every last moment I have with them, the delicate flowery perfume my Mum always wore, the strong aftershave my Dad always smelt of. I could see worry in their eyes as I pulled my face from the ground to look at them._

"_Know that I do this only to protect you and that I will find you when it's safe. I will make things right." I whispered pulling my wand from my back pocket._

_They said nothing, as though there was a silent agreement within the room that if no-one spoke all would be fine, I knew that if either of them said a word I would not be able to perform the memory charm. I wouldn't be able to perform the spell if either of them uttered a single word to me, for if they did all the courage I'd been building up all holidays would fail and I would not be able to bring myself to performing the deed._

"_Obliverate." I whispered pointing my wand at my Mum first, unable to bear the thought of her seeing what the spell would do to my Dad._

_She staggered backwards and fell onto the ground, her eyes closed._

"_Obliverate!" I cried, the tears pouring from my eyes as I pointed my wand at my Dad, who alike my Mum staggered backwards and fell to the ground in a heap, eyes closed._

_I shut my eyes, a desperate last bid to ease the flow of tears to my eyes. As I opened them I noticed my parents stirring. _

"_Wendell! Monica! What happened?" I cried playing along with the story I'd created for them._

"_What? What's going on? I don't remember being here?" My Dad said._

"_Mr. Wilkins if you don't hurry you'll miss your flight!" I cried._

"_Who are you? What flight?" He asked me._

"_I'm Hermione Jean! You're assistant." I cried, gathering their bags which I'd packed earlier from the side room._

"_We have an assistant?" My Mum asked me._

"_Yes, and your going to miss your flight to Australia if you don't hurry!" I cried carefully guiding them out of the house._

"_Why are we going to Australia?" She asked me._

"_Remember Monica?" I asked carefully feeding them vital information. _

"_No." She replied confused._

"_You're moving to Australia! It's been your lifelong passion and you finally get to live it! That medication really must have been strong." I said half heartedly._

_I raised a single hand in the air as a passing taxi scooted past, stopping immediately in front of the door of the small house._

"_Here are you tickets Mr. and Mrs. Wilkins, I trust you'll enjoy Australia!" I cried placing their luggage in the boot of the taxi and opening the door for them._

_They careful climbed inside and as the taxi sped off towards the airport Mum wound the window door and yelled to me: "Thank you Hermione dear!" _

_I smiled shakily and waved to them and yelled "Enjoy Australia!" as the taxi sped through the masses of cars and buses, away from my view, carrying my now confused by safe parents away from me, perhaps forever…_

* * *

I pulled open the door to the first compartment which I'd found to be free and pulled the blinds down as quickly as I could. My lip trembling unsteadily, the tears backing up in my eyes. I could not bear to think of that day any longer. Today was my day for a new beginning, a day that I could start over again, free from the nagging tension within my mind that Harry and Ron had decided to go out alone to attempt to destroy Voldemort. As much as I'd tried, I could not convince them to change their minds; I had to finish my education first. And as much as it pained me to say it, I knew deep down that as much as I could not accept it, they were right. I needed to finish learning what I could, because at least I had a future to look forward to when the war is over – according to Ron.

I could not help but feel a deep sadness within my chest, my best friends, for the first time would not be returning to Hogwarts with me, I wondered what it was going to be like. I'd never experienced having neither of them with me for years, it seemed like such a distant and dark time that I did not have either of them by my side to talk to. I wondered who else would not be returning, whose parents had decided against their children making the return to Hogwarts. The train and platform seemed so much more empty than usual, the bright, beaming faces of people I was so used to seeing not present this time.

I glanced down at the shiny Head Girl badge I now wore; I'd received it in the mail days prior to my Parents leaving. I'd chosen not to tell them, perhaps worried that they too had their doubts about me returning to Hogwarts. The severity of the situation of the bleak situation the Wizarding World faced obvious, even to a muggle. Even they could see there was unrest in our world, however they kept my secret, they were aware of the existence of the second world most muggles never even laid eyes on. But even the unaware muggles could see that something was off, the mysterious fogs, the owls, the attacks on the streets, the murders – it doesn't take a genius to figure out that these events were out of place.

I wondered just how much more of this anyone was going to be able to take, slowly the wizarding world was falling victim to Lord Voldemort's reign, the last time I heard from the Order it was to tell me to watch my back, as trouble was beginning to stir at the Ministry, I did not know what this even meant until I saw two small words on the back of a Daily Prophet on the platform – Muggleborn Registry. These words caused something to stir deep within my chest, and I am sure it wasn't a good feeling. I could not help but wonder the reasons behind this new registry. Who was behind it, but I knew sooner or later I was going to have to face the effects of this supposed registry, and I knew they were not going to be pleasant.

I didn't know what was going on out there, the last real contact I'd had with any adult wizards or witches was at Bill and Fleur's wedding, and it had not ended as planned. Harry and Ron had made a quick escape while I forced to retreat back to my parents house. I'd only received parts of the information I desperately desired at the event and it was the last time I'd seen Harry and Ron safe and well. For them that signalled the start of their journey, the start of their last and greatest battle – finding and destroying all remaining Horcruxes. Their start was far more perilous than mine, but in a year's time I would join them, armed with inside information and new ways we could destroy the Horcruxes.

Hogwarts would be undergoing its own new start. It was almost impossible to imagine a Hogwarts without Professor Dumbledore, but now it was a reality. His death had brought about serious changes in security management. The need for new teachers greater than ever with the sudden disappearance of Professor Burbage, and none were too keen to risk taking on the Defence Against The Dark Arts post, with the 'curse' becoming even more of a deterrent for some. Hogwarts was going to be so empty, the once crowded halls emptied of the life they once held. The classrooms dark and dusty. Nothing was going to be the same ever again.

The quiet of the compartment was pleasant, there was still a faint murmuring from the platform and the nearby compartments but it was calming to be near enough to other people without them asking questions or bothering my much needed reflecting time. I pointed my wand at the roof and the small light flickered off, the dark quietness calming my nerves, causing my worries to vanish. This was however extremely short lived as the compartment door slowly slid across, "_Empty_." I heard someone mutter under their breath as they slid inside.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

He took in a deep breath.

"Sorry didn't mean to startle you." I replied pointing my wand at the light on the ceiling turning on immediately.

"Oh great it's the _Mudblood_." Draco Malfoy sneered, his long blonde hair almost glowing in the light.

"It's _you."_ I hissed.

"I'm going to sit in here. Don't bother me, there's no other empty carriages." He said his arrogance showing through his words.

"Wouldn't even dream of it." I replied the hatred I felt for what he'd done almost pouring out of me in my words.

As he spread across the entire seat I noticed something on his shirt, a glint of gold in the light. I turned my full attention towards it; it took several moments of gawking at the small shape for me to recognise what it really was. It was a shiny bright Head Boy badge, and to think I was actually looking forward to this post, the only bright light on the dark and bleak horizon. The train rumbled to life and began to glide smoothly from the platform. I sighed; sometimes, no matter how hard you try a new start doesn't always begin as planed.

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**Dedicated to Miss Mayhem and The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much, My Greatest and Most Loyal Friends in this world.**

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**Author's Note:** _This was written as my submission for the 100 Times Challenge, my plan is that using all 100 of the prompts I am going to create a 100 Chaptered FanFic about Hermione's final year at Hogwarts should Ron and Harry have left her behind. I hope to have the next chapter up as soon as possible! I've got quite a large amount of free time on my hands right now so I'll be writing for this as much as possible, I'm aiming for another update by the 31st of July. Reviews?_


	2. When Was The Last Time You Belonged?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Two: When Was The Last Time You Belonged?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_And when Im not with you,  
I know that its true,  
That Id rather be anywhere but here without you."_

* * *

"_What_ in Merlin's name are you gawking at Granger?" Draco asked me, I had completely forgotten that my jaw was most likely agape, staring at the shining prefects bad upon his shirt.

"Your badge, your Head Boy?" I asked perplexed, how can anyone in their right minds elect Draco Malfoy, the boy who orchestrated an attack on Hogwarts from within as Head Boy?

"Well my name was on the letter. God, I thought you were intelligent Granger. Boy was I wrong." He sneered closing his eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I hissed through my teeth.

"It means for someone smart you are a complete moron!" He observed.

"Why don't you go back to all your Death Eater pals, maybe they can keep you company seeing as though your friends have abandoned you." I hissed at him.

He stopped, his eyes opening.

"What did you just say Mudblood?" He hissed at me sitting up to face me.

"I said – Why don't you go back to your Death Eater pals, maybe they can keep you company seeing as though your friends have abandoned you?" I said to him with a smile.

His lip curled and his knuckled whitened as he grasped the seat.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that you filthy Mudblood." He spat.

"Don't call me that Draco. It's so old." I said calmly pulling a book from my bag.

"I'll call you whatever I damn well please!" He said, "At least I belong at Hogwarts unlike scum like you!"

"Draco. Do you really believe you belong after what you did last year?" I asked.

"What? I… I…" he stopped; he had nothing to respond with.

I saw something in his eyes, something I'd never seen before. Deep within his pale grey eyes I could swear I saw sadness, an emotion I could swear I could never picture one such as Draco ever experiencing. Although I knew it was human to feel emotion, Draco just seemed so unhuman after his actions last year, but it stirred a though within my mind, what if he never chose that fate for himself? What if he had it forced upon him as Harry had The Chosen One forced upon him? What if it wasn't choice that lead him to those deeds last year, what if it was fate – something he could not change? I knew all too well that sometimes fate could deal out an irreversible hand. I too at times had been dealt a fate that was not as I'd chosen. If I had my way I would be with Harry and Ron, but as fate would have it, it was not my place.

I turned my attention to _A Guide To The Darkest of Arts_ - the textbook we were required to purchase for Defence Against The Dark Arts. I opened to the first chapter, shocked to find that instead of a guide _against_ these dark types of magic, it was a guide on how to _perform_ them. I flicked quickly through what was left of the book, shocked to find it followed the same line as the first chapter. _They can't teach us this!_ I thought desperately half the spells were designed to harm others, the others as dark as Horcruxes. Who would have set such a terrible text book? I thought.

"I'm guessing you've guessed they have a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher." Draco observed.

"Who is it?" I asked barely able to utter the words, a page in the text book too terrible to think of again.

"Amycus Carrow. He's a Death Eater. His sister Alecto, she's been given the post for Muggle Studies, which if you haven't noticed has been made compulsory." He paused before whispering in a low voice, "I fear for the safety of all students with them within the school."

My eyes widened.

"What?" I managed to say.

"They're _dark_ people I wouldn't dare cross them." He said, emphasising the word 'dark.'

"You'd know…" I whispered, "What's with the Muggleborn Registry?" I asked.

"You're going to be in for a rough ride Granger." He said with a twisted smile.

I was frightened by his words, but I did my best now to show it. I could not show weakness in front of him. I hid the worry that filled my body away, too afraid to show it, if what Draco said was correct, and I had a nagging feeling in my mind that he spoke the truth – This year was going to be a whole lot worse than I'd imagined. The word dark for one, implied that these people that the new Headmaster had hired had performed terrible crimes, crimes only one such as Draco – a fellow Death Eater, and son of Death Eaters could possibly even know. What kind of people were they letting teach at the school, I knew Professor Dumbledore, no matter how desperate for staff would never have hired such people. He would have taught the subject himself rather than let a Death Eater into the school, let alone two. But then I remembered, he had let a Death Eater into our midst once before, Severus Snape. Dumbledore trusted him and he betrayed him.

I careful stowed the textbook away in my bag and withdrew the book Dumbledore had left to me. It was written entirely in Runes, and I suspected there was more to this gift than first meets the eye. It was an old text, perhaps even a first edition; the title _The Tales of Beedle the Bard. _It was a book of what appeared to be fairy-tales, wizarding fairy-tales, used to teach morals and values to younger children. Tales not unlike those I was told as a child. These stories make me realise that I really had grown up an entire world away from Ron. He would have been told these tales as a child, where I grew up with figures such as Little Red Ridding Hood and Cinderella. He grew up knowing about magic, I did not. Two worlds constantly intertwining without the knowledge of most muggles.

How could Draco claim I didn't belong because of my blood status, even he could not be entirely Pureblood. There would have to be a Half-blood in his direct line, why was it so important to some? Why was it all people like Draco seemed to care about? A sudden thought hit me like a ton of bricks – Who else would have the power to initiate such a thing as a Muggleborn Registry? It had to be the work of none other than Dolores Umbridge. Who in her time at Hogwarts ensured that breathing and studying were the only two things a student had permission to do. Harry still carried the scars from her torturous Detentions on his hand, the white scars of 'I will not tell lies' permanently etched into the back of his hand. I could remember her hatred for what she called 'dangerous half breeds' in other words, werewolves – Professor Lupin the major recipient of such commentary. She had little to no perception of the real world, werewolves despite her obvious belief were human beings also, some had no say in becoming a werewolf, others who could be considered as 'dangerous half breeds' force it upon others.

I remembered Bill scaring, the result of Fenrir Greyback's attack, how they seemed to vanish before our eyes at the wedding. They were the sort of people I saw as unhuman, how could I compare Draco to them? Was he really as terrible as they were? What am I doing? I thought to myself? Was I subconsciously defending Draco Malfoy? Why was I even thinking these thing's? I'd know Draco for years and there was never a moment that I doubted he was a hateful, arrogant, self centred guy who thought of nobody else before himself, but sitting in a compartment with him wasn't as bad as I could have imagined it. I could have imagined him making snide comments every ten seconds, or talking non-stop about one of what I suspected was one of many mansions his family owned, or his new broomstick, he however did not say a word. It was almost unbearable to sit there and carefully take notes on the runes I was reading while he just lay there opposite me with his eyes closed, even the scratching of my quill on parchment did not cause him to stir.

I'd never sat in complete silence on the way to Hogwarts before, it was rather unnerving, at times when the silence almost became too much I would find myself ready to scream 'Just say something already!' but I avoided it, I held my tongue because even having another in the compartment with me was a relief, alone I may have gone slowly insane. No matter how much I hated him, and he hated me it did not matter, because at least neither of us were alone in our final journey's to Hogwarts. At least in each others company we did not have to worry about strange questions from the other students, such as 'Where is Harry now?' or 'Why did you let them into Hogwarts?' together we shielded each other from these awkward questions, which eventually we would have to face, but I for one was glad that I had the chance to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for such things before I was bombarded with the queries of younger students.

"Draco?" I asked, breaking the silence as we drew into Hogsmeade Station.

"Yes?" He asked sitting up.

"Do you ever wish things were different?" I asked.

"Every day. I wish I hadn't made such poor choices because then at least then I might actually belong here."

There was a large pause.

"Do you ever wish you went off travelling about England with Scarface and Weaslebee?" He asked me.

"Every day. I feel empty knowing their out there travelling and actually doing something about our situation and knowing I'm here alone doing nothing doesn't help at all."

"Then we share the fact that we wish things were different in our worlds, when in fact we cannot change what has past." He said standing and walking from the compartment.

I stopped, I actually shared something, a moment with Draco Malfoy. What were the chances of such an occurrence happening ever again? Highly slim most likely, but what he'd said was true, I did wish, every day in fact that things were different in my world, but nothing I did or tried would be able to change that. In the end Draco belonged just as much as I did at Hogwarts, even though I could see that he wished for it to be as it once was, neither of us could change what had past.

He lost his right to belong at Hogwarts when he left us at the mercy of his fellow Death Eaters; I'd lost my sense of belonging when Harry and Ron vanished right before my eyes three weeks ago. Ron's final words still ringing in my ears to this day; my only reason for belonging vanishing with them. Sitting here in this compartment with another who shared a similar sense of loss humbled me; he too knew what it was like for your friends to leave you. He however brought it upon himself, and I had no choice. The silence he left behind in the compartment allowing me to hear those final words ringing over and over again in my mind, those words which haunt me in my sleep, the words "_I love you…"_

* * *

**Dedicated To: My English Window Watchers. You make me feel as though I belong.**

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**Author's Note: **_Today it dawned on me suddenly that this is going to be a long story, I was anticipating 100 roughly 200 or 100 word chapters for this story, but below and behold, my over-imaginative ways and my over-enthusiasm for side projects have given me a story who's length is going to rival that of a published book! Let's see if I added this up correctly – 2000X100=200000 words. Dear god! What have I created? I ask myself. Ahh well the show must go on! I'm aiming for another quick update so be on the lookout. It's better than watching all my DVD's again! Any Reviews??? _


	3. When Was The Last Time You Promised?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Three: When Was The Last Time You Promised?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Promises mean everything but after they are broken they mean nothing…"_

* * *

Looking from the platform at Hogsmeade Station onto the familiar landscape that surrounds both Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the small village of Hogsmeade was never going to be quite the same. The once familiar landscape was now dark and dreary. The once bright lights of Hogwarts dimmed, it was an emotion I could never hope to explain, it was a sense of loss, as if the home I'd known all these years was slipping away from me, piece by piece. The Dementors that patrolled the edge of the grounds were even visible from here, their eerie floating forms moving slowly backwards and forwards across the boundaries of the school. It was as if I could feel their presence already, as if the eerie feeling that they created when they swept across the landscape was being carried down onto Hogsmeade by an unnoticeable wind.

"_Please let me go with you! I can help you!"_

I could hear my memories ringing in my ears clouding my thoughts. My hands tightened around my body, the memories I fought so hard to repress fighting their way to the surface.

"_You can't leave me! I'm you're best friend! Best Friends don't abandon each other!"_

"_Hermione we have to do this alone, you need to stay at Hogwarts."_

"_But I don't want to be there without either of you."_

I fought back the tears as I made my way to the carriages awaiting us at the end of the platform. There were hushed whispers as I walked past several large groups of younger students, many of whom felt the need to gawk or even point at me. I walked past them with my head hung low, not able to face them directly. Not only was I afraid about what I might accidentally say something to them that I would in the end regret, I found it particularly uncomfortable to be pointed at. I'd never had to endure such treatment before, but I knew all too well that Harry had. I could remember him saying on various occasions that he didn't ask to be treated as he was, nor did he ever ask for it, and I could see why. Perhaps if I knew that they were not talking about me I could deal with it, but knowing that they talked in hushed tones about me behind my back about things I could not control was just too much for me to deal with at this present time.

"_I love you too sweetheart…"_

I heard my Mum's voice echo in my mind, I froze instantly.

"It's not pleasant is it Granger?" Came a voice from my left.

"Why are you speaking to me again?" I said turning to face Draco.

"Now now." He chided. "No need to be rude."

"What happened to _Mudblood_?" I said walking straight past him. "I think I preferred that title."

I climbed into an almost full carriage, only to escape him. I did not need his childish behaviour right now. I noticed that I'd climbed onto a carriage with none other than Luna Lovegood who was dreamily talking away to Ginny and Neville.

"Hermione!" Ginny cried standing and throwing her arms around me. "How are you?"

I sniffed and hugged her back, happy that someone knew I needed a hug "Good I guess."

"Have you heard from…" She began to say.

"No." I said quickly.

"Hermione, you're going to have to_ try_ to talk to them some day." She said the worry for her older brother clear within her voice.

"Ginny, I just can't. Not yet. Not now. I just… I just _can't_ alright?"

She looked at me nervously. As if I were about to snap in two, but I knew I wasn't and I held my ground as I prepared to ask her again if that was alright by her. She however beat me to it.

"Yeah." She said with a sigh. "It's alright." I could see she didn't have the answers she so desperately craved, she hadn't heard from her brother in almost a month, a worrying prospect in times like these.

"Ginny, you know I'll tell you if I hear anything. I promise. I promise you'll be the first to know." I said to her.

"_Really?"_ She asked me.

"_Really." _I promised. "I miss them too." I whispered as I hugged her.

"I miss _him_ more than anything, I hate not knowing." She whispered.

I paused considering my words carefully, I knew she was no longer talking about Ron; she was referring to Harry now. I held her in my arms and whispered, _"He's going to be alright Ginny, I know he will." _With my words she burst into tears, the emotion of the whole event too much even for Ginny, who seemed so strong even when times were troubled. I too could not help but to cry on her shoulder as she began sobbing in my arms. I needed her strength in times like these; I needed the courage of people like Ginny when I knew if Harry failed, all would fall to the darkness that was building out there.

"Ginny?" Neville said standing next to us. I slowly released her from my grasp. "You know everything's going to be okay, as long as you have us nothing's going to hurt you." He too hugged her and she hugged him back.

"Thanks Neville." She said as he released her.

Luna too stood and hugged her, she whispered something in her ear that neither I nor Neville caught but whatever she said had the two laughing wildly again, proving to me that even in dark times there was light.

We all sat down in the carriage as it slowly, pulled away from the station. Neville's gaze flicker constantly between us and the Thestral that no doubt he could see pulling the carriage, I however was not able to see the creature but I knew Luna could having mentioned it on a previous occasion. As the carriage pulled through the gates we were stopped by several Aurrors, each carrying secrecy detectors and other small devices that enabled them to detect concealment and other similar forms of magic. Eventually after an extremely throughout security sweep the Aurrors let us pass. I noticed the Dementors gliding in a terrifyingly graceful manor across the grounds. I could hear the events that haunted my past rising within me.

"_Harry it's just an empty archway! Harry please leave it!"_

I shivered as the voices from my past echoed in my mind. Reminding me of events in my past I often forgot happened, when I was too scared or worried to care less about my actions or those of the people around me.

"_Ron? Ron? Ron? Please don't be dead, please!"_

I could the life slowly draining out of me as the creatures forced every memory into fresh view, I felt shaky on my feet as though a small bump would cause me to fall to the ground. As I stood and slowly got off the carriage I began to shake uncontrollably. It was not cold out, the sun bearing down upon the grounds today had make for a warm evening, but there was an undeniable chill in the air. The sensation I felt was alike that of someone dragging long, thick fingernails down an uneven chalkboard. I looked over Ginny was shaking as well, her face had gone white and expressionless. I immediately forgot the terrible things I was experiencing as I stood at the foot of the stairs leading up towards the castle and ran to help my friend.

"Ginny?" I asked taking her hands.

She did not respond, she continued to stare into space shaking madly.

"Ginny?" Luna asked.

"Luna go and get the first teacher you can find that you trust." I said quickly.

I carefully helped Ginny take a seat on the bottom stairs.

"Hermione…" She whispered, "They're all dead. Riddle made me… The… The… The Chamber."

Neville took her other hand and sat beside her, "Ginny, it's alright. Riddle's gone." He whispered attempting to reassure her. I looked up desperately hoping Luna had found a teacher quickly, as Ginny was only beginning to worsen as she continued to mutter under her breath.

"Where's… Where's Harry?" She asked me. "The Basilisk… it's going to kill someone. I have to stop it. Riddle… The diary… Oh god! _The Diary!"_ She cried, fresh tears pouring from her eyes.

"Hermione!" Luna cried running down the staircase Professor McGonagall in tow.

"Miss. Granger?" She asked, "What ever is the matter?" But it was that moment that she noticed Ginny, seated on the bottom stair, shaking, white as a ghost and muttering now incoherently under her breath.

"Miss. Weasley?" She asked running down to examine her. She turned next to Luna and asked "Miss. Lovegood, please run to the Hospital Wing and alert Madam Pomfrey that Miss. Weasley will be arriving shortly."

Luna took off silently, her extremely long dirty blonde hair sweeping out across her back wildly as she ran up the large flight of stairs once more.

"Miss. Granger? What happened to her?" She asked turning her attention to me.

"The Dementors, they must be affecting her." I replied.

"You can hear things too?" She asked me.

"Yes." I replied shortly, not elaborating on the memories I could hear echoing unpleasantly in my mind.

"Miss. Granger, have you heard from Potter?" She asked me.

"No, I haven't." I replied.

"Please if you do, do not under any circumstances let either of the Carrows know. It is of vital importance, as is you remaining quiet about Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley's absence, we do not need more attention turned to it than already has been." She said, tapping Ginny on the shoulder with her wand.

"Yes Professor." I replied as I watched Ginny drift off into a peaceful sleep.

"Oh and Miss. Granger…" She began as I watched as with a sweeping flick of her wand she lifted the now sleeping form of Ginny onto a stretcher, "Don't cross the Carrows, I need you to promise me." She said, a sense of urgency in her voice.

"I promise." I replied.

As she began to walk up the stairs she turned back, "Congratulations on making Head Girl." She said with a rare smile.

"These Carrows don't sound too pleasant." Neville noted, appearing at my side.

"They aren't apparently." I replied staring up at the dark castle. "But we're going to fight them Neville. We're going to make them regret ever coming to Hogwarts."

"We are?" He asked me.

"Yes, they won't even know what's hit them. Neville, we're going to raise an army."

I promised myself, I was not going to sit back and wait for Harry and Ron to finally make contact. I was going to begin raising an army from within Hogwarts, one that could stand up against the forces that were attempting to destroy us from both within and outside the school. We were not going to sit back and watch our world fall to pieces, I was going to stand and fight, because at least I knew I was making a difference here if not out there. I was going to keep my promise to Ginny and to Professor McGonagall, I was going to tell Ginny when Harry made contact with me, and I was going to watch my back around the Carrows because in the end, these promises are worth everything to the people I made them to, but would be worth less than nothing if I broke them…

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**Dedicated To: My friends, the bands, the DeviantArt artists and YouTube video makers who inspire me to write from my heart.**

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**Author's Note: **_Okay, so I'm three chapters in! Three down 97 more to go! I've set my project completion date, that of which I aim to keep to, the latest date that I'm going to have this finished at is the 26/07/11 that is the day, that if I haven't already, I will declare this project complete. I worked out that it is not humanly possible to write five or more chapters a week until I have completed the story and averaged it to one a week, and with 52 weeks in a year I can finish roughly 40-50 chapters a year and so I gave myself two years to complete this. Wow that was an interesting ramble I just had there. So bearing that in mind – *goes back to writing* any Reviews?_


	4. When Was The Last Time You Noticed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Four: When Was The Last Time You Noticed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_I have __noticed__ that when things happen in one's imaginings, they never happen in one's life.__"_

* * *

Tradition at Hogwarts dictates the sorting of the First Years is performed by the ceremonial Sorting Hat, despite the events and changes that have occurred in the past year this tradition has held strong. Professor McGonagall swept through the large doors which lay at the far end of the Great Hall in a flurry of emerald green – the colour of her robes, closely followed by a large group of positively terrified looking First Years. In her left hand she carried a scroll and a small stool and in her right hand she carried the battered, old sorting hat. I looked up and noticed that the Headmasters seat was unfilled; perhaps they really did have no-one for the job. My eyes swept across the hall, it was certainly more empty than I'd ever seen before at an Opening Feast. It was sad to notice that several of the other students who were also in Gryffindor had not returned this year. I wondered what could have happened to them. If they were still alive, whether their parents had placed them into hiding or other foul events had befallen them.

The attention of entire hall was upon the Sorting Hat, which as usual would introduce the houses and their qualities in an opening song of sorts; the large tear in the hats material opened and its loud voice echoed to the furthest corners of the hall:

"_Two Wizards, Two Witches; One dream,  
__To build a school of magical learning,  
__Never once did discord seem,  
__None did see the tides turning,  
__Although all four had ideas for those they wished to teach,  
__And so it was known to which founder each student had their claim,  
__Each student would uphold these aims, these goals they wished to reach,  
__And if they failed, they had only themselves to blame,  
__Said Slytherin "I will only teach only those with blood most pure."  
__Said Gryffindor "I will teach those with bravery in their veins."  
__Hufflepuff "I shall teach all, of that you can be sure."  
__Said Ravenclaw "I shall teach those whose intelligence remains."  
__But how to decide?  
__It was Gryffindor who removed me from his head and placed me on the table,  
__The other founders concurred, sorting students my purpose - within the school I would reside,  
__And for many decades the school stood stable,  
__Until discord and distrust crept among the four,  
__Disagreement and friendships broken,  
__Slytherin left, to be seen at the school no more,  
__The school remained, Slytherins absence unspoken,  
__And so time past, and to this day the school still stands,  
__Despite our foes building outside our school,  
__And our failure or success in this war lies within our hands,  
__But if we fail at this, we shall fall to the mercy of our enemies, a fool,  
__To remain friendships must be extended,  
__Or we risk destruction from within,  
__I have warned you, I have told you many a time.  
__Now I must ask: Can the sorting begin?"_

A burst of loud applause broke out in the hall, "It was kind of short." Neville noted turning to face me.

"What it said was valid though. I mean it was saying we need to unite within." I replied, turning to look along the rest of the tables.

It was the first time that I noticed Draco Malfoy, alone. Usually surrounded by his dim-witted cronies, it was almost shocking to see the tall blonde alone. It was like part of who he was disappeared without Pansy Parkinson's bat-like presence, and Crabbe and Goyle certainly made his group of followers seem much larger than in reality it probably was. But even I felt a stab of pity within my heart for the poor boy. Even I was not completely alone, I still had Neville, Ginny and Luna he however had no-one. In the back of my mind I could hear Professor McGonagall calling out names of students, who would move up towards the front and sit on the small stool to be sorted. The Sorting Hat would announce their house and around me one of the four tables would erupt into a burst of applause. I turned my attention from Draco Malfoy to the front of the hall, where a small girl was walking towards the Hufflepuff table.

"Hambel, Jarred." I heard Professor McGonagall's voice echo. I watched as a small black haired boy walked slowly up towards the hat, it was placed upon his head and after several moments the hat announced that he would join Gryffindor. I applauded loudly with the others in my house, and after the cheering died down the sorting continued. I watched as one by one the terrified children walked towards the front and were sorted, I could barely imagine looking that terrified, but the truth was I probably looked even more so. The Sorting ended with "Wellday, Hera" who with a swish of long blonde hair joined the table of Slytherins. I could not help but notice how few First Years there were, less than half the number which were sorted the year I started.

They eyes of the older students were upon the empty headmasters chair. Traditionally this was the time which the Headmaster would address the school, but with no Headmaster in presence what would happen. Professor McGonagall took her seat next to the empty Headmasters chair, ending all hope that she had been given the post. The entire hall went silent, the chattering of the younger students even came to a complete halt. The large wooden doors slowly creaked open and in stalked Severus Snape. A hushed murmur of the word "Murderer…" swept through the entire hall. He showed no emotion as he walked silently between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. There was no empty teacher's seat, the Carrows had taken the two vacancies at the staff table, and the seat left was the Headmasters…

He's long black robes flickered unpleasantly behind him as he walked along the table and took the only seat left. "No…" Neville whispered from my side sitting straight up from his slouched position. Any who had been in the same class as Neville and Snape knew of the extensive bullying that Neville had endured from the teacher.

"It's okay." I whispered. "He won't be teaching."

My comment however did not ease Neville's obvious stress, I carefully placed a hand on his back and whispered "It's going to be okay, everything's going to be okay."

At the Ravenclaw table several of the younger students had burst into tears, I felt like going and hugging ever single one of them, to give them hope that everything was going to be alright. The well publicised murder of Albus Dumbledore had made several headlines, the hunt for Severus Snape offered a large reward, yet he had evaded this and managed to return to Hogwarts to take the post of the brilliant man he had earlier murdered. I could not help but notice the cheers growing at the Slytherin table. Not a single other house, nor staff member cheered. We sat in silent horror at the events which had unfolded.

He suddenly stood. And the cheering stopped and the attention of every last student, teacher and ghost was upon him. "Just eat already…" He said in exasperation. The food appeared before us, but no-one moved. For once no-one dived at the vast plates of immaculately cooked and prepared food and just froze. Even Draco Malfoy, whom I found myself staring at once again was sitting there. There was a unspoken agreement that no one moved until someone else did. So we sat in silence not moving for several minutes. "Oh for god's sake!" I heard someone cry from the Slytherin table suddenly breaking the silence, and immediately there was a rush to who could grab what first. I even found myself diving on a particularly good looking piece of roast chicken. It was as usual perfectly cooked by the elves in the House Kitchens. I felt my second stab of pity for the day hit me, those poor House Elves slaving away endlessly in the kitchens. I glanced down proudly at my S.P.E.W badge and felt good in the knowledge that I was trying to help them.

Once the golden plates had been cleared once, the desserts immediately appeared on the tables before us. I helped myself to a portion of treacle tart and awaited the Headmasters formal address. I found my eyes wandering over to where Draco sat every so often, beside him there were large gaps, no-one dared to sit beside him. I listened half-heartedly as Neville rambled on about what his Grandmother had told him about a book Rita Skeeter was publishing, a book about the life of Dumbledore, his Grandmother had heard much of the books contents were absolute rubbish from Bathilda Bagshot.

"Bathilda Bagshot?" I asked. "The author of _A History of Magic_?"

"Yeah, Gran's known her for years." He replied. "She was an old friend of Dumbledore's as well."

"She taught here once." I noted.

"Gran said that, she's quite insane these days, the last time Gran talked to her was about two months ago and she was completely out of it apparently."

"How is she giving stories for a book then?" I asked.

"Don't ask me." Neville said turning his attention back to the last of his food.

"Hey Hermione!" I heard a voice call across the table.

I looked to the direction the voice has come from I noticed Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil waving at me. Lavender with a ridiculous pink ribbon in her long blonde hair.

"Hey Lavender, hey Parvati." I said to them.

"Is it true Ron and Harry are out hunting Voldemort?" Lavender blurted out.

"_Real subtle Lav_." Parvati hissed at her.

I swallowed. _What was I supposed to say?_ No? That would cause them to think they were hiding from him, when they were really out there on a mission I could not share. But if I said yes, the rumour would spread like wildfire around the school and within a matter of hours everyone would be asking questions.

"Their not hunting him, Professor Dumbledore left them an unfinished task to complete, and their out there finishing his work." I replied, combining the truth and a small lie, yes. In fact they were really hunting him, but not directly, they were hunting the fragmented pieces of his soul.

"Wow. Ron's so _brave_." Lavender sighed.

I cringed inwardly. I was confused in my thoughts about my Best Friend, did I like him or didn't I? It hurt me to see him with Lavender last year, but know a relationship just wasn't possible. He never really shared his feelings with me, making it hard to share mine; the confusing cloud of emotion swirling about in my mind caused me to miss Snape standing once again. A sharp jab in the ribs caused me to come back to my senses.

"Welcome to another year of magical education at Hogwarts. We have a few start of term announcements we must get out of the way before we begin…" He said pausing for what seemed like dramatic effect; not that the moment needed it. "We have two new staff members. Professor Alecto Carrow, who has graciously agreed to take upon the role of Muggle Studies teaching after the terrible disappearance of Professor Burbage, and we also have Professor Amycus Carrow, who has joined us to take Defence Against the Dark Arts; I wish them well. It must also be noted that we have heightened security measures; I would ask that the Head's of House address their students on these measures. And Mr. Filtch the caretaker has advised me to remind you that all Weasley Wizarding Wheezes products are banned within the school. Thank you and please return to your dormitories."

I watched as the newly appointed Prefects raised a hand and called the first years towards them, I watched as Collin Creevey who's enthusiasm seemed paramount, although the female Prefect seemed to be absent. "Neville who was made Prefect for Gryffindor other than Collin?' I asked turning to my left.

"Ginny was. I thought she would have told you." Neville said to me.

"No she didn't mention it, although I haven't really spoken to her in weeks and I only got my letter last week, so that would explain it." I replied.

"Who takes over for Ron?" He asked me.

"No-one." A voice said behind us startling us both. "When a Prefect leaves or is appointed Head Boy or Girl they are not replaced."

We both turned to see Professor McGonagall facing us.

"Sorry Professor, didn't see you there." Neville said in a timid voice.

"Never mind Longbottom, Miss. Granger might I have a word?" She asked me.

"Sure, I'll see you later Neville." I said following Professor McGonagall to her office.

She shut the door with a flick of her wand.

"Is Ginny alright?" I blurted out.

"Yes, yes. Miss. Weasley will be perfectly fine, the Dementors presence certainly startled her but she will recover. What I have called you here to discuss is your duties as Head Girl, before Mr. Malfoy arrives, I must advise you of the password so you can tell any of the Prefects who have yet to hear it, 'Lacewing Flies' is the password they'll need to gain access to the Common Room. Now where is…" Her sentence cut short by the opening of the large doors to her office.

"You called for me Professor?" Draco asked with a bored tone.

"Yes I did, now I assume both of you received your letters, badges and instructions over the holidays?" She asked.

"Yes Professor." We replied in unison.

"Well there is something else you must know…" She said pausing.

I turned to face Draco, and he was already facing me, the confusion about what she was going to say noticeable in both our eyes, it was the first time that I noticed Draco's eyes properly, the dull grey shinning brightly in the flickering candle light, both of us turning immediately to face Professor McGonagall wondering what she could have failed to mention in the letters…

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**Dedicated To: Miss Mayhem, had we not noticed each other sitting alone at ASC we wouldn't be Best Friends.**

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**Author's Note: **_The Sorting Hat's Song is subject to change. ~ I've written the next chapters and I want to update soon, so the song might change quite a bit, I'm still not 100% happy with it so it may or may not change any suggestions for it would be appreciated._

_I'm aiming for as many updates as possible this week, however I want to ensure quality work as well, so my aim at this point in time (and yes I do enjoy sharing my aims) is to update this story a total of seven times this week. So I better get writing, because after this week it's going to slow again, as A Love So Deep will gain priority as its ending is close at hand. I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so far, so review or if your not comfortable with that send me a message : D – I'd love to hear from you!_


	5. When Was The Last Time You Ignored?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Five: When Was The Last Time You Ignored?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."_

* * *

Night had fallen on the castle grounds, the fire-lit corridors of Hogwarts to an outsider such as myself where the last beacons of hope we had, with Harry and Ron on their quest of rid the world of Voldemort Hogwarts was safest places we could be in times like these. There were many of us using Hogwarts as our last sanctuary. The last place we knew we would be safe from Wizards and Witches with other ideas for us. Draco and I shared the same predicament, in the outside world we had more to fear than any normal student attending the school. Standing alongside Draco Malfoy in Professor McGonagall's office was something of a rarity. It was what she had to tell us that concerned me most…

"Miss. Granger, Mr. Malfoy." She paused, swallowing as if struggling to find the words she was searching for. "As you know, the school in their search for new teacher took in the Carrows, two Death Eaters. I have voiced my concern for these choices, however they have been ignored. I taught them when they were students here. They are vile people, and I fear what torture may be inflicted upon the students at their cruel hands. I've called you here to make a deal." She swallowed.

"_What sort of deal_?" Draco asked.

"I need you to do what ever you can to protect the younger students." She whispered. "I fear that things are going to turn sour for them should the Carrows begin punishments."

"Yes Professor." I replied turning to face Draco.

He had a look of confusion upon his face; he knew he would be a major target of such punishments. He too swallowed before slowly opening his mouth, "I shall." He whispered his voice barely audible.

The look on her face was both sympathetic, but grateful. Singlehandedly she could not watch over every student in the school, nor could any other teacher. She was asking us, to help her protect the lives of countless students who didn't need any added terror in their lives. What was she really asking us though? Was she asking us to die in their place should things become that bad? Was she really asking us to be tortured in their place?

"Thank you, you may return to your dormitories." She said sitting, "Oh before you go, take a biscuit." She said pointing to a tartan tin on her desk.

"Oh no I'm full." Said Draco and I in unison.

"Don't be silly. I insist." She said tapping the tin once again.

Draco and I both leant over and took a biscuit from the tin each.

"Thanks." I said holding up a ginger newt.

"Thanks…" Draco mumbled crunching into his own biscuit.

We both walked out of the office in silence, crunching away on the biscuits we'd had forced upon us. "Well that was odd." Said Draco throwing what was left of his biscuit aside. What was left of the ginger newt scattering on the ground into hundreds of crumbling pieces.

"You are going to keep it aren't you?" I asked. "The promise I mean." I added quickly.

"I have no life anyway." He said walking off down a dark corridor leading to the dungeons. "Later Mudblood."

"Night Draco." I said out of politeness, ignoring his rude commentary about my parentage.

I finished off my biscuit and made my way along the familiar corridor towards the grand staircase, the most annoying room in the entire castle. I waited for the stairs to descend and stop where I was standing, and wearily I took a step onto the lowest step and began my ascent, not even shuddering as the stair case begin to move through thin air, as though attached to invisible cables. I waited patiently as the staircase spiralled towards the seventh floor, a process which seemed to take forever.

By the time I finally reached the portrait it was well after hours, "Lacewing Flies" I mumbled tiredly to the Fat Lady who swung off her hinges and allowed me to enter the Common Room. Neville was sitting by the dwindling fire, the orange reflection of the coals almost extinguished bright upon his face.

"Neville?" I asked.

"You're back." He replied jumpily.

"Is something wrong Neville?" I asked taking a step towards him.

"Hermione, have you ever asked yourself why things happen?"

"Yes, I do all the time."

"Have you ever asked why justice always seems to fail those who are not able to see it out themselves?"

"No…" I replied, barely sure where this conversation was heading.

"How could they let Death Eaters into Hogwarts?" He cried. "The terrible crimes they have committed…" He said with a shudder. "They should be rotting away in Azkaban!"

"There is little justice in the world Neville. Not at the moment." I said taking a seat beside him.

"Sixteen years ago a Death Eater by the name of Bellatrix Lestrange tortured my parents to insanity using the Cruciatus Curse. Now she and her foul friends are allowed to roam free. My parents suffered a fate so terrible that she, her husband and his brother were sentenced to life in prison. But where is the justice if the Ministry allows them to walk free once again, no longer hunting them but allowing them to teach at schools?" He asked me.

"Neville, sometimes all we can do is hope and ignore the facts. Because sometimes the fantasies in our minds are a far better place to live than the realities we face each day." I replied placing my arm around him.

"Gran didn't want me to come back this year. She'd been talking to her friends and none of their grandkids have returned. I turned seventeen in the holidays, it became my choice." He said.

"You came here of your own free will?" I asked.

"I came here because it seemed like I could actually make a difference at Hogwarts. Instead of just rotting away in my room remembering the past, and praying that Voldemort just disappeared. I know it's not like that, I can't ignore those facts Hermione."

"That's why I'm going to start an army. We're going to start Dumbledore's Army again, so that we can give others a chance to fight for themselves. We're going to give the Carrows a run for their money and while we're doing that we're going to restore hope to these people. Neville we're going to make a difference here."

"I can't help but think that no-ones going to care… That we're just going to be more victims in this war…" He whispered.

"Neville, we're going to survive it. I know it. But if we don't, we won't go down nameless either… We'll leave marks worthy of note. People will know what we did."

"But I worry is what you're planning when we already know we've lost?"

"We haven't lost Neville. We are far from losing; Harry and Ron are out there now, risking everything to help bring Voldemort down." I said watching him flinch uncomfortably at Voldemort's name. "We aren't going to lose; you have to have hope sometimes."

"It's so hard to have hope in times like these; I'm sharing a dorm with Seamus, that's all! No-one else returned Hermione. Dean's on the run from that Muggleborn Registry and Harry and Ron are off hunting Voldemort. You tell me not to lose hope but I sometimes wonder wether everyone else already has…" He said standing and walking to the door to the boys dormitory.

"Night Hermione."

"Night Neville." I whispered.

Was the Muggleborn Registry really that bad? Dean was on the run because of it. What exactly was it? I'd lost touch with the world after I sent my parents to Australia as Monica and Wendell Wilkins; I hadn't read a single Daily Prophet since. If it was really as bad as Neville made it sound… I should already have been on the run instead of here. But what could I do, merely state that yes, both of my parents were in fact muggles. Did the Ministry not know this already? Did they not have a list of our parentage on record? The school did, they sent a teacher to discuss attending Hogwarts with my parents and I, how could the Ministry suddenly want us to sign up for a Register?

I wandered up to the dormitory and changed and fell asleep dwelling upon Draco Malfoy and the Muggleborn Register, two things I certainly did not need to think about, but for some strange reason kept doing so.

* * *

I awoke with a start the next morning. My breathing heavy, covered in sweat. I wiped the tears from my eyes and got up and dressed for classes.

"Hermione?" Lavender asked. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a nightmare." I replied.

"Okay." She replied sounding genuinely concerned.

These dreams had been plaguing me since the wedding. Terrible dreams where each time Harry and Ron would escape, but I would attempt to follow them but would miss Ron's often outstretched hand by centimetres. I would go on living, return to school only to later receive news that they'd both been brutally murdered by Lord Voldemort from a member of the Order. Each morning I'd wake up crying or screaming, sometimes bearing witness to their murders in my dreams.

I wandered down to the Great Hall, and was immediately swooped upon by Professor McGonagall, "Miss. Granger here's your timetable and could you please ensure that the younger students know where their going?" She asked as she shoved the piece of paper into my hands and rushed off, no doubt trying to locate other missing students. I walked over to the First Years who despite being small, still looked terrified.

"Hi, my name's Hermione Granger, I'm the Head Girl, do you all know where you classes are?" I asked.

"We have Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Ravenclaws." Piped up a small boy.

"Do you know where the classroom is?" I asked.

"Yes, the Prefects explained it to us yesterday." A small girl chimed.

"Excellent." I said with a smile and walked to take a seat next to Neville.

"What have you got first?" I asked.

"Muggle Studies." He replied.

"Same."

"We all have it, its compulsory now." He said.

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that." I replied honestly.

I quickly ate and walked back up to the dormitory to retrieve my books, I noticed the teachers name Professor Carrow under the words Muggle Studies on my timetable, but forced myself to walk down to the classroom, where a large group of Slytherins had already gathered.

From the moment Professor Carrow entered the classroom, I knew that this class wasn't going to be like any other Muggle Studies class I'd ever been in, from the moment she opened her mouth I realised that I could no longer ignore the fact that Hogwarts wasn't ever to be the same again. I was stared at where ever I went; hushed whisperings whenever I passed a group. At times I felt like screaming at them 'Don't you know it's rude to point and whisper?' and walk off, but avoided it. For the sake of re-initiating Dumbledore's Army I had to be able to recruit as many older students as possible, and having a go at them was not the right way to go about it. It seemed as thought I had acquired a skill for noticing Draco Malfoy where ever he stood or sat within my line of sight. It was if subconsciously I found him and then my eyes would follow. I was intrigued by the boy, I must admit. But as much as I was intrigued I forced myself to ignore him, but it was proving much harder to do so than I first anticipated.

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**Dedicated To: Night Fox, without her Dragon would be Night Fox-less. That's a situation I never want to find myself in.**

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**Author's Note:**_ All my writing is going to plan at the moment, I've outlined 81 of the chapters for this story and have only a few to go, at the moment this challenge is actually looking do-able. But I still have times when it seems impossible, but then I remember all the people I know who are reading this, for their reviews, and alerts and favourite-ing, my email was crazy this morning! I thank you all for the continuing support its really helping me through the rough times! Once again I'm going to ask for Reviews – Good, Bad? Any really! I'd love to hear from you!_


	6. When Was The Last Time You Snored?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Six: When Was The Last Time You Snored?  
A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.**

* * *

"_When we are __tired__, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago"_

* * *

My hands clenched tightly on the worn wooden table, I watched as around me people squirmed and shifted uncomfortably in their seats as Professor Carrow swooped through the classroom. Wearing dark long black robes, which almost mirrored Professor Snape's usual attire she moved quickly to the front of the classroom where an empty blackboard awaited her. As she pressed the small piece of white chalk to the board it squealed sending shivers down the entire class's spines, from my seat I could see many students shaking unpleasantly in their seats again. I peered up at what she had written upon the board, it read '_Professor Alecto Carrow – Muggle Studies._'

"Welcome students," She wheezed, "I am Professor Carrow your new Muggle Studies teacher." She paused for a breath. "I can see that you education in this subject has been rather selective shall we say, well I'm here to put things right. I'm here to teach you about the filthy, dirty, witless creatures we call Muggles…"

I sat up in my seat, never had I heard a teacher speaking of non-magical folk with such contempt. I watched as all around me the students once again shuffled backwards in their seats, as though frightened of Professor Carrow. I tightened my grip on the table; this could only mean bad things for those such as myself with Muggle parents.

"I understand that your previous teacher Professor Burbage – was it? Taught you of the equality and fairness of the Muggles. This is a lie!" She cried her voice ringing to the furthest corners of the room startling everyone within her presence. "Muggles are not nice, or equal. Muggles are foul magic hating pigs who despise us for we are of superior talents. Finally after such a long time, where we've been forced into hiding because of their hatred we are free to rule once again. Finally the natural order has been righted!"

I watched as someone near the front of the class slowly raised a single hand. Professor Carrow seemed to notice the hand also and a twisted smile spread across her pale face.

"Yes – A Question?" She said in a mock kind voice.

"What will be actually learning in this class?" A girl asked in an almost whisper which I had to strain my ears to hear from this corner of the room.

"We shall be discussing many interesting topics, and covering what the mistakes that have been made in your previous education in this subject." She said with a smile so twisted I felt a sickening twist in my stomach.

The rest of the lesson followed in same pattern as the first five minutes, Professor Carrow spent the_ entire_ lesson ranting and raving about Muggles and how they were ungodly filthy beings who's main goal in life was to rid the world of wizards and witches. She showed no remorse for the commentary made about Muggleborns and half bloods. She was evidently one of the more insane blood obsessed followers of Lord Voldemort, I could not imagine how anyone in their right mind would allow her to teach at the school, the unpleasant fact that the Ministry was no longer in control of itself playing over and over again in my mind.

Finally after several terrifying rants the bell rang, many seemed glad to be out of her presence scooping up their books and practically running from the room, others seemed pleased with her teaching methods; in particular several of the Slytherin students who remained behind to talk to her, those who I assumed were Death Eater's children.

"Well that was certainly… different." Huffed Ernie Macmillan as the class exited the room.

"Different isn't the word for that!" I spat. "A more appropriate word would be _dreadful_! I mean what does she hope to achieve by telling us such dreadful things?" I asked desperately.

"Hermione, the world isn't how we remember it. So much has changed we have to change and adapt or fall victim to the darkness." He sighed.

I single word rang in my head at these words. _'D.A'_

"Ernie?" I asked quickly my voice dropping to a low whisper. "Do you still have your fake D.A Galleon?"

"I think so; I mean I'd have to check. Why?" He asked.

"Just see how many of the old D.A members still have the coin, ask Justin if he still has his, Hannah too."

"Justin didn't return this year." Ernie replied sadly.

"Why?" I asked, worried that he too had suffered an unfortunate fate or a family member had.

"The Muggleborn Registry his blood status meant he couldn't return to Hogwarts this year. I'm surprised you could you're a Muggleborn as well!" He hissed.

"He wasn't allowed to return?" I asked. "Neither was that girl from Ravenclaw. How did you get into Hogwarts?" He asked.

"I don't know…" I said taking a step backwards.

_How had I?_ I thought instantly. Why was I allowed back into the school and they weren't. The answer could only be sought from one person – Professor McGonagall. Whom I assumed had a part to play in this. I walked numbly from the classroom where I had been standing talking to Ernie seconds beforehand; his calls to me fading away to the back of my mind to her office where after a small knock I heard her calm voice invite me in.

"Miss. Granger?" She said a look of worry breaking across her face.

"Professor… Why am I here?" I asked quickly.

"What! What do you mean?" She stuttered.

"You know full well I'm not supposed to be!" I cried. "All the other Muggleborn students, they weren't allowed back into the castle!"

"Miss. Granger… Take a seat." She said indicating to a small wooden seat in front of her.

I took the seat in a calm manor, but my insides were churning uncomfortably, in a way that felt as though I was about to be sick.

"You understand how important you are in this war don't you?" She asked me.

"No! I'm just a student. I have no place in it!" I cried. "How can anyone think that I'm to play a part in this mess?"

"You underestimate yourself." She pointed out.

"No I don't. I just think that believing that I have some part to play is idiotic. I mean what am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Albus Dumbledore obviously thought you were important." She said calmly.

"What?" I asked.

"He left you an item in his will did he not?"

I opened my mouth astounded as this piece of information, "How did you know?" I finally managed to spit out.

"Not too much took place after his death here that I was not aware of. I myself was granted the honour of receiving an item from his personal collection." She said pointing to an elegant looking golden instrument upon her desk. "I know you don't seem to think you haven't got a role in this war, but if Albus thought you did than even you can't deny that maybe there is another purpose out there for you. He left you a book did he not?" She asked.

I nodded in response.

"Evidently it holds the clue you need. How can deny being important when your two best friends are out there now trying to do everything they can to change the fate that seems to be looming above us. Yes Miss. Granger I know Mr. Weasley is not severely ill in bed with Spattergroit as all have been informed. I also know that you were supposed to be with them, however something changed and you returned."

"I understand that though. I'm not meant to be here." I replied.

"And that leads us to the next complication. I'd hoped to avoid this." She said with a sigh standing and walking to the window behind her desk. "It's changing out there, it's worse than before and without proper precautions you'll fall victim to the terrors of the outside world. Miss. Granger, I've ensured that you were permitted into the castle this year. I don't think I could have lived with myself should I have allowed you to fall into the mercy of the Muggleborn Registration Commission. Surely you received an invitation?" She asked me.

"No I didn't. I didn't even know until just before that's why I came to ask you." I replied.

She breathed a deep and heavy sigh, "There's only so much I can do. They're going to realise sooner or later that you are within the castle."

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked desperately, almost as though that time was upon us.

"Run. Unless you can fake your family tree, the only thing you can do is run and hope for your own sake that you're not caught."

Her words stun deeply within my chest, what fate could be so terrible that she was defending me from it? What kind of fate required the protection of one of the most powerful teachers at the school? Was it really like that out there, where muggle hatred was at a point where those of us with muggle parents were being rounded up and tagged like common animals.

"Do you understand what I've said?" She asked me taking her seat once again.

"If I'm found, it's run or find someone willing to vouch for me being part of their family. Or face death or imprisonment." I replied in a low tone.

"Or I fear…" She said her voice grave. "You will be left at the mercy of the Carrows…"

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My breathing had not slowed, and the aching knot that felt as though it had been crammed into my chest had not eased, even as the day passed. I wandered around aimlessly, the worry that I would be forced to run with only minutes notice weighed heavily upon me. I took out my frustration upon a group of second year Slytherins, who seemed to find the time right for a spot of Quidditch in the corridors. I stormed down the corridor causing a halt in the game.

"Get down here now!" I called to a small smug looking girl.

"I don't take orders from filth like you." She spat.

"That's it twenty points from Slytherin!" I hissed.

I turned and pulled my wand from my pocket.

"Don't. Push. It." I snarled through my teeth.

I watched as slowly they sank lower and lower towards the ground, I extended a hand and grudgingly they passed the school broomsticks into my hand. I warned them never to let me catch them flying within the corridors again, or else the punishment would include a detention however they laughed and walked off mocking me. Things had most certainly changed around here. I would have never dreamed of insulting a Head Girl or Boy in such a manor when in my second year, nor would I have dared in any of my years. I could only begin to formulate how I was to be treated by the sixth and seventh year Slytherins, whom of which I was sure would find no problems in openly mocking me, just to make my task harder.

I stormed along the corridor and shoved the broomsticks into the nearest broom cupboard. Climbing inside and slamming the door after me. Once inside the darkness enclosed around me, I slowly sunk to a sitting position. I carefully pulled my knees up to my chest, the knot within my chest throbbing painfully. Why did all of this have to happen? Why did everything just have to go wrong no matter what? I closed my eyes forcing back the tears which welled up in my eyes. I blinked back the tears as the memories I'd long repressed were dredged up. I emerged what seemed like hours later when the memories finally made their way into the back of my mind, walking casually into the Great Hall where lunch awaited me.

It seemed as though the day was passing in an uncomfortable blur, my fatigue was finally catching up with me, for the first time in History of Magic I failed to take notes, I however rested my head on my hands and tried to remain awake as Professor Binns droned on unnecessarily about Giant Wars once again. Herbology required my full attention the dangers of not paying attention including the Venomous Tentacula grabbing you from behind while you were concentrating on other matters; for instance the task at hand. My mind wandered constantly as I attempted to pay attention to the review of the previous years work, however the only thing this caused was painful memories to be dragged to the front of my mind once again.

I looked down at my timetable; I had a free study period. I walked to the library, one of the things about having a free period last was that you could go to the library and accomplish spell theory in peace, however today even I could not focus on this. My mind was constantly wandering to the person several seats away from me Draco Malfoy. He was smirking. I felt like screaming at him 'What the hell are you smirking at!' but avoided doing so, deciding to avoid emotional outbursts in public for now. Aware that I was going to accomplish very little in the Library I gathered my books and walked outside into the welcoming sunshine, however the warmth was missing, the sun shone brightly onto the ground by the happiness and warmth it usually brought was missing.

I noticed the white marble tomb standing in the centre of the grounds; it fit the scenery perfectly, only adding to the beauty of the grounds. I walked over to it sadly remembering the night he'd died; he was the last person we needed to lose in a war such as this. The smartest and the greatest there was. Who was left to fight now? I sat down on the ground and pulled out the book he'd given to me and watched as slowly night crept upon me and the light slowly faded from the grounds.

I could hear the muffled calming sound of Parvarti and Lavender breathing deeply in their sleep as I crept across the dormitory to my warm comfortable bed. Despite the fact I had not been sleeping particularly well I knew at least they had half the worries I did, and for that I was grateful. No-one else needed this, no-one else need the constant worry burning deep within their minds, I crawled into the inviting bed, closing my eyes and was asleep and snoring by the time my head had hit the soft pillow.

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**Dedicated to: the Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much – Unfortunately for you; in this chapter, Harry does not die, never have I met an individual with such a passion for a characters death…**

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**Author's Note: **_Well I'm back! After a long few weeks of tireless writing to ensure the completion of A Love So Deep I've finally gotten around to finishing another Chapter of this, boy does it feel great to be back! I did miss it an awful lot as I wrote the longest chapter I have ever written, particularly because the pairings are the same but the storylines are totally different! I'd love to hear from you about what you think of this, I'm hoping to post another chapter soon, but I'm not sure how that's going to go with school becoming quite hectic. I promise to reply, so review if you notice anything, or think something needs changing. Like or hate it; really I just love the feedback!_


	7. When Was The Last Time You Worried?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seven: When Was The Last Time You Worried?  
A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.**

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"_If you worried about falling off the bike, you'd never get on."_

* * *

I awoke, I felt as though I hadn't slept. Worrisome dreams had plagued me throughout the night, I'd awoken countless times, barely able to remember where I was and how I'd ended up there, only being brought back to reality by the sounds of Lavender and Parvarti's deep and steady breathing from the other side of the dormitory. The dreams were a mixture of my worries, the Muggleborn Registration Commission, Harry and Ron alone out there in the world searching for Horcruxes, Draco Malfoy. I'd been dreaming about Draco Malfoy _again_. _Great. Just great_. It was still dark outside but I could not lay awake in bed any longer, I may as well put my efforts towards finishing that long essay for Herbology.

I walked into the welcoming Common Room, the fire down to the last embers. I watched as they slowly faded to the darkness, the room barely lit. From the seat I'd taken on the small table I could see a large part of the castle through the large window. I glanced out into the dark sky, doted with small patches of light, the stars barely glowing, as if the sadness and fear in the world was slowly draining every last bit of light from the world. I glanced across at the sky noticing a strange light flickering in a corridor opposite the window. I stood immediately and ran to the window, I placed my hands on the window sill and glanced across at the flickering light, it wasn't moving, staying in the same position, just flickering away not a care in the world.

_Probably a lost first year. _I said to myself heading for the portrait. I ran quickly along the corridor, a dreadful stab of pain engulfing me at the remembrance of the many adventures of Ron, Harry and I along these corridors invisible to the world, one step ahead of Snape and Filtch with Harry's map. I had neither of these possessions, no map, no cloak to protect me, merely my Head Girl status, which realistically was not a good cover up story. There were several things I knew my status would not cover, one being if either of the Carrows managed to find me. Squinting in the low amount of light, not daring to use my wand for light I made my way to where I believed I'd seen the light. I knew I must have been drawing close, the flickering light visible around the corner of a corridor.

My pace slowed, my breathing staggered. _What is wrong with you? _I scolded myself. _You've faced far worse than this! _I thought of all the battles I'd fought and won, and how an amazing sense of luck seemed to be on my side, strange, I had barely anything to show for it now. Those whom I called my Best Friends had deserted me, I was cowering at an unknown light – which most probably would be a lost first year, and of course there was the small matter of my every second thought being of the arrogant prat – Malfoy, was I truly going insane? I slowly rounded the corner, no longer worried as to what lay beyond, tired of fighting I gave in and walked around the corner to meet my fate.

I realised suddenly that the light was from the flickering of a wand, but it was no first year sitting there, taller than any first year the figure had yet to realise that I was almost upon them. Or so I thought. How could I announce my presence without startling them was my largest concern. I could try coughing but risk being attacked or I could disarm them first. However it was the person sitting their back to me facing and open window who made the first move, similar to a well played, strategic game of chess.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure Granger?" The sneering arrogant voice of Draco Malfoy asked.

My insides churned, this is not the confrontation I had expected, firstly Draco most certainly wasn't a crying, helpless first year, he was the complete opposite, and secondly I was not in the mood for his testing attitude. My hands clenched around my wand tightly, so tightly in fact momentarily I worried that I may accidentally snap my wand.

"Why the great silence 'o-so-intelligent-one'?" Draco asked in a purring voice.

I groaned, "I thought you might have been a first year, lost or something. But your not. So I can go back to bed." I said turning away from him.

"Leaving so soon?" He asked innocently, his voice almost infuriatingly sweet, like too much sugar in a cup of tea.

"Why the hell would I stay?" I asked pointedly. _For what reason would I even consider staying in the same room as him for longer than I had to?_

"Well are you not interesting in some of the finer details about our new teachers, the Professors Carrow?" He asked coyly.

I stopped, I'd never been one for gossip, did I dare stay just to hear what monstrosities these two people had committed?

"No Draco." I replied quietly beginning to walk away from him.

Then would you be interested to know Scarface and Weaselbee's whereabouts?" He asked offhandedly.

I spun immediately and saw him sitting by the flickering light of his wand examining his fingernails casually, almost too casually for what I could only assume was four o'clock in the morning. It felt as though my insides were splitting. _How could he just causally sit there examining his hands when Harry and Ron were out there, now. Risking their lives? _I wanted to run at him and punch him as hard as I could, cause him as much pain as I possibly could, for Harry and for Ron and for every other person who was ever a victim of Draco Malfoy's arrogance and bullying. This time he'd taken it one step too far.

"Shut the hell up Malfoy!" I hissed pointing my wand at him.

"Or what you'll call for a teacher?" He said throwing his arms into the air in mock concern before placing them casually behind his head. "Give me a break." He spat.

"You know, you might be a worthless piece of scum but I'm not. So don't treat me and everyone else like we are, your not above us with your 'Pureblood' status, and your Dark Mark. Your just a pathetic lump whose too scared to oppose him like we are. Too weak to fight him, so you joined him." I spat at him.

"How. Dare. You." He spat standing; the casual tone in his voice had faded, replaced now by rage and impatience.

"How dare you," I hissed, "treat everyone else like they're the dirt on your overpriced shoes and you couldn't give a damn about who you hurt in the process as long as in the end _you're happy._ You know what?" I asked. "I've had enough of it; I'm not going to put up with your bull shit any longer. Seven years of it is _enough_!"

"Seven years?" He asked. "Seven years of your 'Miss-o-so-perfect' 'Miss-o-so-smart' act is pissing me off. Why don't you quit being someone your not and start acting like a normal person for once in your life." He said, he was now standing directly in front of me, I could see the intricate details of his grey eyes, every fleck of silver within them.

"Well isn't this a case of the pot calling the kettle black!" I said, a heavy tone of sarcasm falling into my voice. "Have you taken a look in the mirror any time lately Draco?" I asked.

"What only to glare upon my dazzling reflection, why yes I have." He noted running a hand through his sleek blonde hair.

"Why do I even bother with people like you?" I asked turning away one again.

"Because it's people like me who know things, people like you are too shall we say, _halfblooded _to obtain? I know your not a Half Blood, hell everyone here knows it. Why the hell are you allowed in and they not?" He asked.

"I serve a purpose here, as we all do. Do not doubt what movements are already in motion, the actions that cannot be changed." I said to him, still facing a wall.

"Lets put it this way, any _day _now you'll be hearing from Scarface and Weaselbee, that you can be sure of." He laughed standing.

What did Draco know that I didn't, I felt the most terrible urge to ask him, however I must be strong I told myself. _I must resist._ Draco yawned loudly.

"I grow tired of this boring conversation. The company leaves a rather lot to be desired."

I sneered at him.

"Not everything is about you, you know that right?" I asked pointedly unable to help myself.

"Well seeing as this place is pretty much as boring as it gets, this is all the entertainment I seem to have had this week. I can't say I've enjoyed it either…" He added.

_How could he act like this_? Like he was, so arrogant, so self centred. The anger seemed to be boiling within me, never had I met anyone like him, could there be anything worse than a single conversation with Draco Malfoy? His self-centeredness only seemed to be increasing with every word; it was like Cormac McLaggen on steroids! There were people out there – _dying!_ And he's concerned about the interesting factor of every conversation he has had this week!

"You self-centred prat." I hissed. "There's more to be worried about than yourself!"

"There's nothing to worry about." Draco laughed taking a few brisk steps towards the opposite end of the corridor. "Night Granger oh and do _try _to be nice to the second years, they know what you really are." He called before stalking down the remainder of the corridor.

_How could Draco say there was nothing to worry about? _There was plenty to be worried about, the darkness seemed only to spreading, the days becoming needlessly dark, the warmth being slowly drained from the suns bright light. Even the weather was dreary causing a common gloom to encase the grounds. I could see as much as the sun slowly rose over the grounds of Hogwarts as I made my way back into the Common Room, the fire had completely extinguished in my absence, my papers lay untidily across the floor. These were such trivial matters to me when there was so much more pain and suffering in the world. How could Draco say there was nothing to worry about? There was everything to worry about for people like me. Maybe not for him, '_Precious Pureblood'_ he was evidently so deluded into thinking the world was alright that he hadn't even noticed the changes in the castle or it's inhabitants.

Some of the other students now wearing almost permanent saddened expressions, those who'd already lost someone they loved, those who feared for their friends still out there. No-one was free from the terrors of the outside world; I doubted even the '_Precious Pureblood' _was. Even more concerning was that more and more students were receiving worrying news from their families of what was going on out there. Sheltered from it we had realistically no perception of what was really going on out there. The worry was thick in the voices of most teachers and older students. A constant nagging in my mind reminded me that this was only just the beginning, there'd be plenty more to worry about by the time this war ended.

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**Dedicated to: The Harry Potter YouTube video makers, those whose videos are the real meaning of magic and those fighting to keep their work on the site. My heart goes to all of you.**

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**Author's Note: **_I can't begin to express my thanks for the reviews and support everyone is showing me in general! I thank you and keep it up the reviews and favourites make my day the support greatly appreciated! It makes my day to see that little number rising!_


	8. When Was The Last Time You Cracked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Eight: When Was The Last Time You Cracked?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.**

* * *

"_The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness."_

* * *

Draco Malfoy or as I liked now to refer to him as _'Precious Pureblood'_ had to be the most infuriating individual on the face of the planet. Period. His arrogance and ignorance had left me fuming all the way to the Common Room, the long walk giving me far too much time to stew over every single last word he had uttered, not a situation I was pleased or glad to find myself in. Actually, perhaps I wouldn't have minded if he actually managed to show some form of decency, however his harsh cutting words left a searing loneliness behind, making me realise how truly alone and practically helpless I was. I felt as though the pain would never stop, that the loneliness I felt crashing about within me like waves eating away at the cliff faces would never subside. That slowly piece by piece it would eat away at me, until eventually I would be left as nothing, alike the cliff face that collapses into the sea, no longer able to hold its own weight.

_When was I ever going to hear from Harry and Ron? Was I ever? Or was Draco merely bluffing? _Thousands of thoughts raced through my brain cluttering my already stressed mind. I gathered all my pieces of scattered parchment and the ink and quills that had spread halfway across the Common Room in my absence. I walked over towards the window once again and glanced down at the window I'd seen the flickering light emitting from. _What was he playing at? Did he want to cause trouble?_ _Was he waiting for someone? _I could barely think of a logical explanation as to why he'd chosen to sit by himself in a deserted corridor at four o'clock in the morning. I was startled by a calm voice behind me.

"_Hermione?"_ He asked.

It felt as though my heart had ceased to beat within my chest. I dropped everything I had in my hands. By instinct I reeled around pulling my wand from my pocket and by the time I faced the source of the voice it was already in hand, I was prepared to take on any attacker. I realised at once it was no attacker, only Neville.

"Neville! God you scared me!" I gasped clutching my chest.

"Sorry!" He whimpered. "I didn't realise, I'm dreadfully sorry, I just thought I heard someone down here." He apologised bending over quickly to pick up everything I'd dropped once again.

"Its fine!" I cried bending over to help him. "No harm done. I just thought you might have been someone else that's all."

He nodded and passed the quills ink and parchment he had collected off the floor to me, the look in his eyes was almost one of questioning, like he could see through my charade to what lay beyond, a tight ball of emotions. Never ceasing, never fading. For a moment I saw nothing in his eyes, the hope that I'd seen vanished as though my own worries were transferring to him in a single glance.

"Harry and Ron are alive aren't they?" He asked suddenly.

He words cut straight to the chase, to the very heart of my worries. Everything I'd been seeing and hearing told me that they were alive, but part of me worried that perhaps they'd been caught, what if they hadn't made it out of the Burrow? No-one had heard a single thing from them for almost a month. _How could anyone survive out there in the wild without being captured? _My heart rate increased I could hear its rhythmic beating in my ears the blood pumping through me at an almost painful level. I slowly opened my mouth and instead of the 'Yes they are.' I so desperately wanted to tell him, my emotions took hold of me, leaving me helpless to what I would say. My body shook uncontrollably as the words I'd been repeating to myself over and over again '_I hope they're alive. What will I do without them?_' we're released from their prison.

"I hope so." I said, a tear falling from eye. "Because I don't know what I'll do without them."

I dropped all my books and ran to the safety of the Girl's Dormitory, not wanting to be asked anymore questions, the pain worsening with each thought of Harry or Ron, part of me so desperately hoped that they were alive, but somewhere deep within my heart another voice always warned me that they might not be as well as I had hoped and that they'd left me, _alone_ to clean up all the mess. By the time I'd reached my soft, no longer warm bed the tears were unstoppable. Everything I'd tried so hard to repress, all the memories, bad and good seemed to be flooding me all at once. I was unable to stop seeing Ron's outstretched hand as I ran desperately towards it at the wedding, Harry clutching Cedric Diggory's body as he appeared suddenly before the crowds at the Triwizard Tournament. Things no-one needed ever to relive flooded back to me, memories that I'd long conquered regaining strength and attacking me with all their might.

I curled into a small ball at the foot of my bed, not even able to sit upon the soft mattress. I felt a warm hand grasp my shoulder and two worried voices echo in the back of my mind.

"Hermione?" The first asked, I faintly recognised this to be Lavender Brown.

"Should we go get a teacher?" I heard the second ask, that could only be Parvarti Patil.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea." Lavender whispered again.

"Hermione?" Parvarti asked. "Hermione are you alright?"

"She's not alright. Just look at her!" Lavender cried out.

I felt their warm arms enclose around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"It's okay." Lavender whispered softly to me. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but it will be alright, I know that."

"You've just got to be strong for now. Because if you lose hope what chance do to the rest of us have at surviving this war?" Parvarti whispered to me.

"There's nothing left for me…" I whisper to them softly. "Why did they leave me?"

There was a large pause, I dared not look up from the ground, for I knew the fear that would reside in both girls eyes, a fear that I no longer wished to see. _Was I finally cracking? Was I really going insane at the very thought of my Best Friends?_

"They didn't leave you." Lavender whispers reassuringly to me. "You obviously have another purpose here, something you were meant to do. Professor Trelawney always says that one has another purpose in life. A second meaning they didn't know existed until it's revealed, maybe you've just got to find yours."

How could she even begin to consider quoting that old bat at a time like this? This was serious! Not mind games and trickery. Despite Lavender's kind words of encouragement and hope I still felt empty, not the empty you feel as you watch a loved one slip away from you, empty as in literally, no purpose, and no life only the broken and scattered shards of who you used to be. The sort of empty where all that is expected of you is to gather up the shards you can and continue on your way in life – _that _empty. Was anyone ever really able to gather up the pieces? _Was it even possible to reunite all these parts of who you were in a way that seemed to make your life almost normal once again?_ Or was this just a hope that most had, a hope that the ones they watch suffer though it shall return unharmed? How could Lavender say that there was another purpose for me? When all I ever knew slipped away from me by mere centimetres? Could she say this without truly understanding the significance of her words?

"You don't understand…" I whispered. "And I hope that you never have to… That somehow these feelings are never something you have to endure…" I replied to her.

"What do you mean?" She asked, I looked up. Parvarti was exchanging nervous glances with her.

I swallowed, what could I say, here was where one wrong turn would leave me truly helpless. These girls where tossing me a lifeline, a chance at starting afresh, was I really going to throw that away or would I throw it away for the cold hard truth that seemed to be rotting away at me from within. My suspicions that Harry and Ron, the last shred of hope for the lost, weak and suffering wizarding community may be in more danger than they ever could have imagined, dare I even say it? _In the hands of the Death Eaters? _

"I just hope you don't ever have to go through _this_." I said standing grabbing my bag and running from the Dormitory, wanting nothing more than to be alone, free from questions and other annoyances.

I found myself running, nowhere in particular, but at the same time to the one location I desperately sought – The White Tomb of Albus Dumbledore. I ran through the empty corridors, it was too early for students to be prowling the corridors yet and I made my way quickly to the large wooden doors at the front of the school. I pushed upon them carefully and they slowly creaked upon, carefully I slipped out, not wanting to cause any unwanted attention to myself. In a quiet manner I ran quickly through the grounds to where the tomb stood in all its beauty overlooking Hogwarts, The Great Lake and the mountains that surrounded us. I felt a sudden surge of anger boil within me.

"Why?" I screamed aimlessly at the tomb, as though part of me believed that this would help me.

"Why did they leave me here and you give me no way to help them but a _stupid_ book!" I screamed again ripping the small delicate book from my bag and throwing it upon the ground.

"_Why_?" I whimpered, the tears cascading lightly down my cheeks.

I opened my mouth to scream as loudly as I could, but no sound I could make, my eyes became transfixed upon the book which lay open upon a small page, the title reading_ "The Tale of the Three Brothers_" I glanced down upon the page noticing a single rune I'd ever yet to see, surely there were thousands but this one was singularly unique, a triangle with a circle within it, and within that circle a single vertical line, it looked strangely like an eye. I bent down to pick up the book carefully, regretting my decision to throw it upon the ground as I had, it was after all other than my memories the only thing I had left of Albus Dumbledore, and as Professor McGonagall had put it, not too many people had been granted such an honour.

"_Sorry Professor…"_ I whispered running quickly away from the tomb, ashamed in my behaviour and the childish way I had acted I ran straight back to the Common Room, because even now I noticed the castle had come to life, students had begun piling into the corridors making their way sluggishly towards the Great Hall where breakfast awaited us. I moved quickly through the castle taking routes that ensured that I would not be seen by any other students, finally making my way into the Dormitory in time to see Lavender and Parvarti already dressed heading down the spiralling staircase.

"Sorry." I muttered apologetically.

"It's okay, I guess we understand, neither of us know what its like and only that it must be horrible." Parvarti replied kindly.

"It's probably not as bad as I make it sound, I was just a bit I guess agitated." I replied quietly. "I better go, or I'll be late for Defence Against the Dark Arts." I called running up the stairs.

This was all Draco Malfoy's fault, his cryptic clues, his arrogance, his plain annoying personality, it was the reason I'd finally cracked. I know it seems stupid to blame another but it's the truth, the honest truth, his words caused seeds of doubt to grow within my mind, making me doubt even my most intense hopes and desires. He was the reason I'd finally cracked, and there was only one way to stop this from happening ever again, I was going to avoid him at all costs, because with all the seeds of doubt he'd already caused to be planted within my mind, there was no doubt he would be attempting to plant more, because that's what low-life's what him specialise in – making others feel miserable, so miserable that they will inevitably crack.

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**Dedicated To: My Ninja Brother, you annoy me at times but I enjoy our meal-time conversations. "There's a lot of water in this broccoli!"**

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**Author's Note: **_"Are you out there? Are you anywhere?" – The Back Of My Head, Short Stack.  
Read my Fics, make my day. Review, make my week._


	9. When Was The Last Time You Imagined?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Nine: When Was The Last Time You Imagined?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_What is now proved was once only imagined."_

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I had only just made it to the classroom in time, my early morning wanderings had taken much more time than I would have liked. I was forced to run most of the way to Defence Against the Dark Arts, luckily I made it just before the bell rang, I was not interesting in invoking the wrath of Amycus Carrow today, at least not yet. Walking into the classroom for the first time I noticed the seats in which Harry and Ron usually took each class filled, by a tall red haired boy who looked strangely like Ron from behind.

"_Ron_?" I whispered taking a step back, I blinked to clear my eyes but as they fell upon the spot once again it was empty, no red haired boy sat there, just my imagination creating things.

I took my seat in a daze, utterly confused as to what I'd just seen, it can't have been a ghost, it was solid or so I'd thought, it can't have been solid, it vanished into the thin air! But if it hadn't existed at all, if it had been just a figment of my imagination then it could come and go at will. What had me the most unnerved was the fact at who it resembled so greatly – Ron, even from behind there was no denying that unnatural height, that fiery red hair. It was Ron, no-one else here even came close to appearing that way. My eyes lingered longingly on the place where I'd seen him, as if I were hoping that he was just hiding beneath the cloak or some other ridiculous bewitched item, but deep down I knew it wasn't really him, it couldn't be.

I took my seat, nervous, worried and confused all at the same time. It felt as though I were going into some form of emotional overload, as though another emotion would tip me over the edge. I watched as Professor Carrow stalked into the room, there really was only one way to describe him – Squat. He would have to be at least as short as his sister, if not even shorter. He reminded me of Professor Snape with greasy black hair; however he shared no other feature with the _Headmaster._ His skin even from a distance was rather lumpy and he appeared rather unsettled in his new position. As he passed through the centre of the rows of desks he smiled strangely at all of us, his grin, or perhaps a more appropriate word – Leer, was lopsided and rather disconcerting.

As he took his place at the front of the class before the blackboard he let out a small laugh, wheezy just like his sister's, they shared their height, un-attractive appearances and their laugh, any would be able to assume that they were related. The similar appearance too close to deny. He glanced down upon us and drew up his sleaves carefully; I noticed the Dark Mark burnt into his skin, there it was for us all to see, dark as a moonless night. His smile flickered into overdrive as he noticed the flinching of several of the students in the class, one of which was Neville. I grasped the edge of the table nervously as he withdrew his wand from a pocket. A thought ran through my mind as if by habit – _He's going to kill us all_. But I realised that this would be the worst thing he could do at this particular time, evidentially magical blood was important. If only he knew what my blood really was, perhaps he would slaughter me on site.

I looked about the room carefully, not wanting to arouse suspicion. One slip of the tongue from any of these students could cause my life to be in danger, I glanced around hoping, praying, wishing that _he _wasn't in the class, my prayers it seemed had been answered, Crabbe and Goyle sat alone in a corner of the room, I breathed a huge sigh of relief thanking what ever higher power had answered my prayers. I noticed from the corner of my eye the tall red head again, this time I got a long, hard look at his face. I felt myself rising in my seat.

"_Ron…"_ I whispered, there was no doubt this time, I had seen his face. His freckled beautiful face that I was so accustomed to seeing so close by.

"Ron?" I asked aloud, loud enough so that he would hear it. Closing my eyes momentarily, I opened them to realise that he had once again disappeared.

The attention of the entire class was upon me. Many were looking around in confusion. There was a whisper breaking across the classroom, "_Ron?"_ closely followed by "_Harry_?" there were whispers behind, in front and to either side of me.

"_What_ in Merlin's name are you doing Granger?" Asked someone from behind me.

I spun around to face the source of the voice, "_You."_ I hissed, unable to withhold it, Draco Malfoy was indeed in my class, to make matters even worse – right behind me.

"Down in front." He hissed at me, and I quickly took my seat, everyone was already staring at me their eyes wide with confusion, Harry and Ron were nowhere to be seen despite my outburst. I took my seat and attempted to pretend as though nothing had happened, it was embarrassing enough without having to actually think about what I had just done in front of the entire class.

A loud wheezing cough brought me back to earth, the attention shifted quickly from me to the front of the classroom where Professor Carrow was looking rather annoyed at the sudden disruption to his class. He cleared his throat loudly and proceeded to walk slowly towards the blackboard. Shakily he pointed his wand at it and small scrawly handwriting began to appear suddenly across the board I read it slowly as it scribbled each letter slowly, P-R-O-F-E-S-S-O-R C-A-R-R-O-W D-A-R-K A-R-T-S. I looked carefully at the words "Dark Arts" surely it was just a mistake, but I could not shake the strange feeling that it was no mistake, that perhaps the class really had been changed. _Were we really becoming like Durmstrang? A school which was not only to teach the Dark Arts, but actually encourage them?_

I felt the barely deniable urge to stretch my hand into the air to question this, to ask why it is he had written this on the board, but to do so would raise questions as to where my loyalties lay; I knew I must hold my new place – The place I had been given. I knew it now; I could not step over the line for I knew my place, I was one of the lowest viewed people in this new society, to openly risk being caught would be like throwing Professor McGonagall's gift at a new life in her face, like saying I no longer wanted to hide beneath the safety of my 'Half-Blood' status, one I was aware I was non-deserving of, there were many others that would benefit from the protection I was being provided more so than I was. I forced myself to remain as I was in my seat – most importantly _hand down._

"Welcome students," he wheezed, "I am Professor Carrow." He paused for breath. "I shall be instructing you in the Dark Arts this year."

I watched as before me a Ravenclaw slowly pushed her hand towards the ceiling. He nodded at her, indicating that she was free to speak.

"Sir, do you not mean Defence_ Against_ The Dark Arts. Surely we aren't_ learning_ the Dark Arts." She asked timidly. I had to admire her nerve – She surely couldn't see the implications of what a question such as hers could cause.

A small thin lopsided grin spread across Amycus Carrow's unnatural features. The pits of his black eyes seemed to glow suddenly at her words, as though Lord Voldemort had waltzed right into the room and was handing him a reward. He let a small unpleasant laugh, that had me flinching in my seat. _He wasn't honestly going to punish her for asking a simple question was he?_ I wondered to myself the fear for the girl spreading rapidly through my veins. The temperature in the room seemed to be dropping rapidly, the air becoming difficult to breath causing a large portion of the class to hold their breaths in hope that the girl would not be punished as we all knew it could have been any of us – we were all thinking the same thing.

"Dark Arts, not Defence Against the Dark Arts. That is what I shall be teaching." He said sneeringly. "Has anyone else got any moronic questions before I begin?"

There was silence; no-one dared speak for surely any statement or question would be regarded as moronic and would earn us a detention. He looked hopefully around the room almost inviting us to express our opinions. I could see the longing to punish, to torture in his eyes, a disturbing feature that seemed to be visible above all else on his unattractive face. "No takers…" he whispered under his breath before pacing towards the front of the classroom.

"Come up here _you_." He said pointing to a tall Hufflepuff girl in the front row, I watched as she sat up in her chair and looked to her friends either side of her. He outstretched a hand and beckoned her towards him.

"Here now." He said pointing to a place beside him.

I watched as she slowly and shakily stood, and moved slowly towards the front of the room. She took her place beside him, the look of fear within her eyes almost unbearable to witness, her eyes showed us that she was on the verge of tears. Glistening brightly the fear of what was to happen to her causing her to bite her lip and fidget uncomfortably.

"A classic example of disobedience." He drawled to us.

"W…w…what?" She stammered taking a large step away.

I sat closer to the edge of my seat all around me people where glancing nervously as he advanced towards her his wand drawn.

"Want to make people do what you want?" He asked us. "Simple." He slowly pointed his wand at her as she backed into the cold stone wall and muttered "_Imperio."_

No-one gasped or flinched this time, we'd seen the affects of an Unforgivable Curse upon both spiders and humans numerous times, and even at the hands of a mad-man had them used_ upon_ each of us. No-one had never seen the affects of such spells before. Immediately her eyes went blank the fear that seemed to be leaking from them vanished, replaced with a blank, emotionless expression. I watched as yet another smile broke across Amycus Carrow's face. "What to do… What to do…" He muttered to himself. "_You_," He said harshly to her, "bring him to me." He said pointing directly at Neville.

The girl did not hesitate to move, immediately she begun to advance upon Neville. I watched as slowly he drew out his wand from his robe pocket. I was beginning to panic, what would the poor girl be forced to do under the influence of such a spell, would she be forced to use magic she had not intended to use, even using an Unforgivable curse upon a fellow student? I watched as a figure rose from his chair his messy black hair pointing in every direction possible, as he slowly turned I recognised those brilliant green eyes, face and of course the defining scar of Harry Potter. This time I knew I was imagining things, perhaps I needed fresh air or more sleep, because if I knew one thing for certain it was that Harry Potter would not dare in the current climate set foot within Hogwarts Castle. He waved to me momentarily before taking his seat once again and vanishing from sight.

By the time I focused upon the front of the room Neville was struggling to free himself from the grasp of the Ravenclaw girl. I watched as a sudden fear flooded into his eyes as Professor Carrow walked up to him wand pointed at his chest. He gasped Neville's robes roughly lifting him entirely off his feet and smiled strangely at him. I could no longer help myself.

"Stop it! _Please_!" I cried standing in my seat.

There were several loud gasps, the room went suddenly silent and every pair of eyes in the room was upon me, staring at me.

"_Let him go!"_ I cried again.

"_As you want." _Amycus growled releasing Neville onto the ground. He felt with a sickening thud and lay motionless in a small heap on the ground.

As if I knew it the figures of Harry and Ron slowly walked to the front of the room, I was transfixed upon their slow graceful movements and despite I knew that it was entirely my imagination I was glad to know they were so close by in a sense. So close I could almost touch them. I watched as the figures stood aimlessly at the front of the class, only visible to myself they were a comforting presence as Professor Carrow turned upon me and uttered a single word that rang across the entire classroom, a word which sent shivers down my spine: "_Detention_."

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**Dedicated To: My regular reviewers, your support and kind words are much appreciated.**

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**Author's Note: **_Wow! I'm almost at the 10 chapter mark! An achievement I never expected to make! However despite the slow way in which this has occurred I'm hoping to get ahead soon, with the Holidays around the corner this may just be possible. _

_Leave me a message to let me know you're out there – Even if it is just to say hi!_


	10. When Was The Last Time You Questioned?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Ten: When Was The Last Time You Questioned?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_The __question__ is not whether we will die, but how we will live."_

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I was speechless, not a single word I could utter. Not a sound could I form in my blocked throat. I struggled for several moments, the inner battle of trying to form words and comprehend what he had just said to me seemed to be all too much for my brain to deal with. It had completely shut off; I was left incapable of speech and thought for what seemed like hours. Until finally a word formed on my lips causing me to splutter and spit uncontrollably as the word poured from my mouth.

"_De…Detention?"_ I spat. "What did I do wrong?"

"That is the second time you have needlessly interrupted my class, do you think you are to be allowed to get away with such nonsense twice?" He asked placing his hands down on the desk in front of me.

"What you were doing was wrong. Did you not expect me to react to that?" I asked.

"I expect you to hold you place and your tongue for that matter." He sniffed.

"Don't expect loyalty from me then." I spat.

I felt a searing pain shoot across my face as his hand stuck my check with his bare hand. I winced in pain, about to cry out, but I did not want to give this heartless man the satisfaction of knowing he'd caused someone within the class pain, which is all that seemed to consist on his agenda today. Small flecks of light appeared in my vision, and I blinked several times trying to re-gain focus on the classroom which seemed to be swimming in and out of view. I noticed the concerned expressions on the faces of many of my classmates, Neville had managed to crawl away from the front of the room and had propped himself up against the wall, he was cradling his left wrist. No doubt his rough landing would have caused some form of damage.

"Learn your place. That's two detentions." He spat before turning his back.

I felt the burning desire deep within my chest to grab my wand and curse him with the worst most terrible curse I could think of. But as my hand grasped my wand none came to mind, no curse seemed to be fitting for a man such as him. His previous actions seemed almost too horrible to even begin to think of a curse harsh enough to use upon him, even an Unforgivable Curse seemed too lenient for a man who had spent a large portion of his life in Azkaban for his crimes. _You'll regret it later, don't do it._ I told myself, but nothing seemed to be able to fight the beast within me attempting to cause the man before me as much pain as I possibly could. Yet I remembered Professor McGonagall and all the effort she put in to ensure I had a place here, if I attacked Professor Carrow I would be throwing that all away, I probably wouldn't even make it out the door.

"_Fine_." I replied snappily, releasing my wand and placing my hands on the desk before me. "When are they?" I asked.

"The next two lessons." He replied cryptically.

I went to open my mouth but I was silenced by the bell, I stood up gathering the few possessions I had managed to bring with me and peered about for Professor Carrow, yet he was no-where to be seen, he had left before any of the students had. Well how was I supposed to work out any of the arrangements for these detentions if he had already left the classroom, giving me no chance to even ask what he meant by the 'Next two lessons' _What did that mean anyway?_ I walked in silence from the room before turning back to help Neville who was struggling to gather his books for his next class. I helped him walk to the Hospital Wing where Madam Pomfrey tapped his wrist twice with her wand and fixed it in an instant. No questions asked. The look in her eyes seemed to tell me everything I needed to know, there were going to be plenty more strange injuries alike this one if the Carrow's were going to be this violent towards the students for the entire year, she was already avoiding questions, pretending that they were merely freak accidents.

_How bad was it going to get before anyone did something? It was like watching a child being beaten by a bully, how long could you stand there watching as the larger more arrogant kid destroyed the weaker one? How long were the teachers going to stand aside and allow treatment such as this to take place within the castle, how could they even let this sort of thing happen? _I gave Neville a shaky smile trying to reassure him that everything was alright, but he too had heard me call out to the non-existent Ron, he'd seen me standing calling out to them as though they were really there. Maybe he too thought I had gone insane.

"I have to get to class." I said placing his books down on the bed beside him.

He was sitting awaiting to dismissed, however I suspected that perhaps he was going to be held for slightly longer than I had anticipated, I decided that it was best not to risk being too late to my next class. I pulled out my timetable glancing downwards I realised that I had no class, I had another free period. I walked back to the Gryffindor Common Room, deciding it best to put some more work into the translation of these runes, so far I'd managed to translate what seemed to be a children's tale; _The Wizard and The Hopping Pot. _Why had Professor Dumbledore left me a book of children's tales? I had yet to figure out what the Wizard and the Hopping Pot had to do with the situation I now found myself in. Could it explain why I was seeing Harry and Ron suddenly appear as quickly as they disappeared before my eyes? Could it explain wether they were figments of my imagination or strange visions?

That's right it's just a book. I told myself, nothing else. I carefully placed the book back within my trunk, hoping to forget all about it and its seemingly pointless tales. I decided that it wasn't worth spending the better part of the next hour locked up inside. I found myself wandering aimlessly along the corridors, as if by some strange chance I found someone to talk to I would stop, but the corridors were deserted. It was a time like this that would have been perfect for Harry and Ron to appear, when no-one else was around, not when the whole class was present. I found myself hoping that my imagination would conjure them out of thin air once again, bringing them back to me, perhaps I wouldn't be so alone.

I decided that it would be best to forget what I'd seen; I could no longer continue to mope about and dwell within the past, because slowly it would become who I was. As much as I wished I could vanish from the face of the earth at times like these, I knew that what my conscious seemed to be telling me was right, I was slowly going to vanish beneath what was, forgetting that there is what is to come to live for. I glanced carelessly out one of the large windows and noticed a cloud of grey smoke rising slowly from the chimney of Hagrid's cabin. I felt the sudden urge to visit him, but as I crossed the grounds towards the cabin without another by my side the feelings of loneliness and abandonment took over once again.

I raised a single hand to knock lightly upon the door but it was swept open before me. I jumped backwards instinctively.

"Hermione?" Hagrid asked.

"Hagrid." I replied.

"I was just go'in to see Grawpy." He told me.

"Maybe I'll come back another time." I replied.

"You can come too if you want." He mumbled.

"No it's okay." I replied walking back towards the castle. "See you Hagrid."

"See you Hermione." He called waving to me.

Alone once again I wandered aimlessly towards the castle once again I found myself remembering the memories I had made here, most of which involved Ron and Harry. I forced these into the back of mind and just wandered the empty corridors, almost pleased to be allowed to walk freely about the castle.

"If it isn't the Mudblood." I heard the all-too-familiar voice of Draco Malfoy sneer behind me.

"_Shut up_!" I hissed, looking about nervously.

"Oh don't worry, you blood status is safe with _me_…" He laughed jumping down from the windowsill in which he was perched. "I don't know about anyone else though."

"I don't want to talk to you." I said walking away from him, having had enough of his smart-arse attitude to last a lifetime in a single day.

"Oh now that really _hurt_ Granger." He replied.

"Good I hope it did." I replied snappily.

"Have you never heard of _sarcasm_ before?" He asked.

"_No_." I replied forcing as much sarcasm into my voice as I possibly could.

_Why did he have to talk to me constantly_? I mean was he not happy enough walking about torturing the younger students or giving pointless detentions to people he disliked? Draco had to be the single most confusing person I had ever had the misfortune to meet. _Who sits in windowsills preying upon passersby? _Suddenly a strange sensation crossed my mind, what was it though? _Perhaps he's lonely?_ A voice inside my head told me. Draco Malfoy? Lonely? He had more friends than I had books! _If he didn't have any could his father just not buy him some?_ I scolded the voice inside my head, how could it dare imply that he was lonely?

"Well done Granger it would seem as though you just passed First Year Social Interactions 101 – Sarcasm." He laughed.

"Piss off Draco." I hissed, aware that slowly my temper was beginning to resemble that of a grizzly bear.

"I was here first, why don't you leave?" He asked me.

"You know what. I might just do that." I said stalking away from him for the second time in a day.

After finding myself in yet another deserted corridor I closed my eyes and imagined how different the world would have been if Lord Voldemort had not risen once again. Would Harry and Ron still be at school? Would Draco Malfoy still be surrounded by his dim-witted cronies? What else could be different in this world? Would Professor Dumbledore still be alive – for it was at the hands of Severus Snape one of Lord Voldemort's supporters he was murdered. What if everything was different? What if I wasn't questioning every aspect of life anymore, what if I could just be normal? _Shut the hell up. _I scolded myself, merely for the fact that I once again had begun to question the past – an aspect of my life that I could not change.

I sat upon the cold stone floor and shut my eyes. _Why did everything seem to be going wrong? Why had my life fallen to pieces so suddenly and most importantly – Why had I let it?_ It seemed as though life itself was becoming questionable, I had already lost everything else, what else did I have to lose? I smiled as I opened them Harry and Ron appeared just meters away from me, talking although I could not hear them their presence was comforting. As much as I wanted to question why they were appearing to me I did not, I was perfectly happy sitting watching my best friends standing before me talking – not questioning why they were appearing to me when they were miles away. I was happy to just go along with it not to question this one aspect of my life.

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**Dedicated To: **_My Best Friends, those who listen to me; even when I'm suggesting the crazy ideas, it's the times that you give them a go without question that makes my heart smile. That's what makes you the truest of friends and for that I'm eternally grateful._

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**Author's Note: **_This is the first of many FanFiction milestones I wish to reach in due time, the first 10 Chapters are finally complete! That's the second hardest task complete! Actually starting the story is the second hardest part, the first being actually finishing it and by that time I'll probably be attached and never want to let go. Though it seems so distant, I can't help but feel a rush of sadness, there are only 90 Chapters to go, 9 more lots of 10 like this one. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to be rather sad to let this one go. I'd love to hear from you questions, thoughts, anything really. Leave us a review and I'll be sure to reply! _

_Want to hear the inspiration behind this chapter? Have a listen to: **Feel This** by Bethany Joy Galeoti featuring Enation._


	11. When Was The Last Time You Preserved?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Eleven: When Was The Last Time You Preserved?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life."_

* * *

I could barely contain the happiness that seemed to be glowing within me, being in the presence of Harry and Ron was slowly lifting my dampened spirits, raising them above the crashing waves that seemed as though they were going to consume me whole. The bell rang out across the school grounds and I watched as slowly the ghostly figures of Harry and Ron vanished slowly. I was left staring at the almost invisible figures of Harry and Ron, the wall clearly visible behind their bodies I slowly stretched out an arm longingly towards them.

"_Please stay_." I whispered.

As usual, they said nothing; it was as if they could not hear me as I could not hear them. I felt lonelier as they slowly vanished from sight leaving me alone in a deserted corridor my hand outstretched awkwardly at the stone wall.

"_Please?" _I asked again, knowing that it would do little to bring them back to me.

Suddenly the loud earth shattering sound of footsteps drawing towards me awoke me from my day-dream like state, I leapt to my feet quickly and with as much grace as I could muster, only to realise that I had another class to be getting to, I ran as quickly as I could to the Gryffindor Tower were I retrieved my potions equipment and book and ran all the way down to the dungeons, finding myself only several minutes late.

"Ahh Hermione my dear, so glad you could join us!" Horace Slughorn boomed.

"Sorry I'm late Professor, I err, got um caught up." I lied quickly taking my seat head down.

"Not to worry my dear." He said before turning his attention to the class once again.

I glanced over at the empty spaces either side of me, Seamus was the only remaining Gryffindor in the entire class. I was given several encouraging smiles from several Ravenclaw students, and Ernie McMillan was sure to give me a large beaming smile as I took my seat, times like these reminded me of the friends I had made during my time in Dumbledore's Army. I smiled at Seamus who in return gave me a crooked smile, the door burst open and Draco walked in not bothering to take his usual seat with his fellow Slytherins. No, the _Precious Pureblood _had to go one step further and take a seat at the same table as Seamus and I. After everything I'd been through today I didn't need his presence once again to screw this lesson up as well.

"Today our lesson is simple. I would like you to open your text books to page one hundred and forty nine; there you will find all the instructions needed for you to begin brewing a particularly fiddly little potion known as _Broken Heart's Restorative_. Can anyone tell me what the potion actually does?" He asked looking around the room hopefully.

I slowly allowed my hand to rise.

"Yes Miss. Granger." He said.

"_Broken Heart's Restorative_ was a potion discovered by Brokyn Harte during the late eighteen century. It is said to cure a broken heart if correctly brewed and taken at the full moon by a supposedly broken hearted individual. It's a particularly difficult potion to brew and requires an entire lunar cycle to fully mature. If incorrectly brewed it is most likely to lead to more heart ache or even death."

"Correct m'dear!" He beamed. "Take ten well deserved points for Gryffindor! Now as Miss. Granger has correctly stated this is a difficult potion to brew, particularly as in this potion we shall be using lacewing flies. Can anyone name another potion in which these interesting creatures are used?"

I once again placed my hand in the air.

"Yes m'dear?"

"Lacewing flies are a common ingredient in potions such as The Polyjuice Potion, it is for this particular ingredient that the potion takes almost a month to correctly brew."

"Correct five points for Gryffindor, ten if you can tell me how long they take to stew."

"Twenty one days sir." I replied.

"Correct. Now allowing for this we shall over the course of the next month be brewing this particular potion. Now seeing as we have precisely eighty nine minutes of our lesson left to us please begin, all ingredients can be found in the store cupboards and the lacewing flies can be obtained from my desk." He said in a loud voice. "Begin!"

"Oh joy!" Draco exclaimed in a sarcastic voice. "Yet another boring and pointless potion to brew, perhaps I'll give mine to Granger, cure her Mudblood heart of Blood Traitors absence." He added in a cruel and harsh tone.

"You don't have to bully her constantly Draco." Seamus added in a low voice.

"And I suppose you're going to stop me." Draco noted.

"Yes. It's unnecessary." Seamus said proudly.

"Seamus it's alright." I said in a small voice. "Draco's just afraid, insecure if you will. That's why he see's the need to bully those he perceives as '_smaller_' than him." I said calmly.

"_Insecure!" _He scoffed. "_Afraid? _Of what?"

"Who knows, perhaps you are burdened by a task that's seemingly impossible or you are trying to live up to a legacy that you feel will never be yours. Who know? I know you _Purebloods _have very different ways of life to us mere mortals." I said with a laugh.

I watched as his jaw as well as Seamus's fell agape.

"What did you just say?" He hissed.

"Never mind Draco, I'm sure one day you'll realise that it's not all blood status that matters but friends. That of which it would appear you have _none_."

"How dare you speak to me like that!"

"Oh but I already did." I said standing and gathering my books and moving to a table in the far corner of the room with several Ravenclaw students including Padma Patil.

Essentially, as far away from the _Precious Pureblood_ as I could possibly find myself, short of being in another room entirely. I carefully gathered, weighed and prepared my ingredients for my potion, feeling sorry for Seamus having left him alone with Draco in the corner of the room after he had stood up for me. However now was not the time for guilt, I soon realised that even the potion ingredients had to be chopped and sliced in the correct manor in order to produce the correct potion. I looked down at all the ingredients, remembering the precise nature of the Polyjuice Potion, which seemed like a walk in the park compared to this one! If this potion looked any more complicated I would say that it was impossible to brew to its full potential, however I seriously doubted this potion could be the mere result of only a few years research by Brokyn Harte as the book had stated. It would have taken decades particularly seeing as each would take a month to brew.

Soon, the entire dungeon seemed to be filling with the vile almost putrid smell of the stewing lacewing flies, a smell which I remembered most vividly, I watched as slowly the green of the lacewing flies begun to become ever so gradually transparent. I glanced over at the hourglass upon Professor Slughorn's desk, the one which he had enchanted to allow us enough time to carefully place our cauldrons in the side room for stewing until our next lesson. I carefully carried my cauldron over to the room and placed it carefully aside carefully not to make it conspicuously mine; it would be an excellent target for Draco to gain his revenge for my commentary I assumed.

I carefully placed everything else I had used away carefully and sat back down in my new seat hoping that the bell would bring an end to this class sooner than the hourglass was predicting. I sat and placed my hands on either side of my face, elbows upon the desk waiting for that moment when freedom would be upon me, for a mere hour – lunch. Finally after several minutes the bell rung and I walked briskly from the room, at an almost jogging pace. I made my way quickly to the Great Hall where hundreds of students were pouring in readily awaiting lunch. I sat down next to Ginny, who to be honest looked as though her day was going about as well as mine, if not worse.

"You okay Gin?" I asked pouring myself a goblet of pumpkin juice.

"You haven't heard from _them _have you?" She whispered.

"No sorry, I haven't."

"You'll tell me won't you?" She asked again a desperate look in her eyes.

"Yeah, I just don't know whether it's a good idea to have our hopes up." I replied sadly.

"Why? Do you think they're not going to write?" She demanded.

"It would be difficult. They'd risk being caught." I whispered.

"Ron told Mum, that he'd, that he'd… write."

"I think we'd all like to think they will, I'm just not sure if they will and you know at least we know that they are still out there fighting for what we believe in."

"But I miss him." She replied the tears welling up in her eyes, a rarity for Ginny. "I really miss him."

"Who Ron?" I asked casually.

"Yeah but Harry more so."

"I miss them too." I said hugging her.

We needed to be strong in times like these, yet at times we all, no matter how strong we seemed need the comfort of a loving hug or kind words, or even as the Ravenclaw students had shown me, a smile. In these dark times, we all needed something to keep us going, for Ginny it was the knowledge that Harry would write, for me it was the strange visions I kept having, showing me that they were still out there, even if it was my mind conjuring them from thin air. We each needed something to keep on going for, something that showed us life was worth living, Ginny held her memories of Harry near to her heart, and as much as she pretended otherwise she needed her older brother Ron with her too.

In some ways we all needed each other, pushing everyone away from us would inevitably lead to problems, but at times like these the uncertainty made friendships rocky and fighting and bickering among friends was becoming common. I wanted more than anything for this stupid war to end, for it all to come crashing back down upon Lord Voldemort who had done nothing but cause large and unnecessary amounts of pain to countless people, even Muggles who knew no different. At times likes these love was our greatest weapon, the one thing worth fighting for, the thing worth dying for, because without love we would have nothing. I glanced over at Neville and pulled out the fake D.A Galleon I had found in my trunk earlier. I threw it over to him.

"Had any luck?" I asked.

He nodded, in response simply, I glanced along the teachers table, where already all the staff excluding Snape had taken their seats for lunch.

"We need to be careful." I whispered.

He nodded once again, throwing the galleon back to me and withdrawing his own.

"Ernie's checked, most of the Hufflepuff's have theirs, and according to Luna all the Ravenclaw students still have theirs, well those that returned to school anyway."

"Good, because I think it's time we sent out the first message. We're going to meet – Tonight." I whispered.

"Tonight?" He said sitting up straighter in his seat.

I nodded in response, "Better now than later."

He nodded simply once again. We had a lot to learn about the way the world now was. There were new rules to be upheld, punishments far more terrible than the one's we would have previously been handed if caught building a student army within the school, particularly with a Head Girl leading them. There were aspects of the Old D.A we could retain, such as our meeting place, our random timing and means of communication. But there were precautions that needed to be made for the sake of the students involved, we could no longer risk open communication between members, we would not have our leader returning to us. But these were things that in order to survive we needed to adapt to. As with everyday life there were the things you persevered over time, such as habits and there were other practices that needed to change in order for survival, for now I was content with preserving my visions for even with their sudden nature I felt more happy than I had in weeks.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Those who help me preserve who I am – they know who they are, they help me stay sane._

*******

**Author's Note: **_I find there are times when I want nothing more than to make the presence of Harry and Ron real, it seems almost cruel taunting poor Hermione. But then I remember there is an ends to justify the means. I am being overwhelmed by the support I'm being shown from this FanFic, never have I received so many reviews so early into a story and I'd just like to say thank you and to keep reviewing! I love reading your thoughts and questions on the story, good and bad! So let me know what you think!_

_Want to listen to the song I did while writing this chapter? Listen to __**Prodigal**__ by One Republic._


	12. When Was The Last Time You Shivered?

_**T When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twelve: When Was The Last Time You Shivered?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_It's a warm shiver that flows through your body, and you know it's good.__"_

* * *

I stood almost breathlessly in the Room of Requirement, which as always had rose to the occasion providing us with a fully equipped place to practice our skills. It looked no different from the room that had appeared years ago, yet it felt different, emptier as if the sadness and change in the outside world had changed the room itself as well. Perhaps it was the absence of Harry who carried the D.A or the countless others who could no longer return to fight alongside us. It was cold; I was shivering as I stood alone awaiting the only students who remained to return for the D.A. The first group arrived slightly early, Neville, Luna and Ginny being among them. I watched as slowly small groups appeared through the large wooden door, groups that I recognised from the previous meetings, yet there were no newcomers, yet it would be too much to risk to begin recruiting so early on.

"You alright Hermione?" Neville asked me nervously as the last group walked towards us.

I nodded to him and he took a seat on one of the large cushions that had appeared in the centre of the room.

"Are we right to begin?" I asked timidly, not able to find a strong voice to use for these people.

I heard a chorus of yes's breakout across the room, with many students simply nodding their head to display that they were in fact ready to begin.

"We've decided to start D.A again; we have a few things to sort out so we won't be doing too much practice today, alright?" I asked, a silence allowing me to proceed. "As you all know a terrible thing happened last year. Professor Dumbledore was murdered. At time we named our "_secret_" group '_Dumbledore's Army'_ because it seemed to be the Ministry of Magic's worst fear rolled into two simple words – but that is so far behind us they are no longer our greatest problem. Now we take the name in memory of the greatest warrior in this war – Albus Dumbledore who even now has prepared us for what lies ahead. He may not be here with us physically anymore, but his memory lives on in the heart of all who knew him – therefore I'm proposing that we leave our name is."

"All for this motion – say I." Ginny said loudly.

"I." Was the only word I could hear, secretly I hoped this would be the case.

"All opposed?" She asked.

No-one spoke.

"Majority lies with Dumbledore's Army. Motion passed." She added, stating the obvious.

"Next we have to discuss who's actually going to lead us. Harry…" I said pausing, his name catching uncomfortably in my throat I decided the best course of action would be taking a breath before speaking again, that of which I did. "Isn't here, so basically he isn't going to be leading us. We need a new leader. I think we should cast a vote."

"I nominate Hermione!" Ginny said enthusiastically.

"I nominate Neville." I said.

He glared at me, I returned the favour.

"I nominate Ginny." Luna added airily.

"Any other nominations?" I asked after a long uncomfortable silence.

No one spoke.

"Well just do a show of hands; all those for Ginny raise your hand now." I counted them quickly; she had six, five of those being various wizards and Luna the only witch. "All those for Neville, raise your hand now." I said loudly watching as a large number of hands rose slowly to the air including mine - ten in total. He had the majority with only sixteen members returning it was evident suddenly that we needed to recruit soon. "Neville has the majority – motion passed." I announced.

Neville turned and glanced nervously at me, I walked over and pulled him to his feet and pushed him in front of everyone.

"Say something." I whispered to him. "_Anything."_

"What am I supposed to say?" He hissed at me.

"Trust your instincts. That's what Harry would say to you." I whispered taking a seat on his now vacated cushion.

He cleared his throat loudly before actually opening his mouth several times to find no words escaping from his lips. He threw his hands in annoyance in the air. "I have no idea what to say! I'm not Harry, he'd know what to say, but I'm not! I have no idea why Hermione even nominated me!"

"Because I believe you will do an excellent job." I said confidentially to him.

"Hermione when have I ever done an excellent job in anything?" He cried.

"Neville, you're the best in our year at Herbology, you fought alongside us at the Ministry and you think you're not good at anything? Just standing there proves that you did something."

"What ever!" He cried. "So we've called you all here to I guess help prepare each other for what lies out there, this time its different, we aren't fighting the Ministry, we aren't defying the new rules and regulations we're fighting for something far greater. We're fighting for freedom, for each other for a new world, free of Lord Voldemort. I know it's a lot to ask, with so many of you having lost someone dear to you already, but perhaps maybe we can help each other prepare for when that final time comes, perhaps we stand a chance of survival. Perhaps together we can fight the greatest battle we will ever know…" He said finishing quietly before a large round of applause broke above his voice.

I glanced around in amazement, as slowly every person in the room jumped to their feet and begun clapping loudly, some even going as far to cheer and whistle loudly in support of what he had just said, truly it was amazing to see Neville, the shy, once timid boy I'd known since my first day here make a speech to so many people with such conviction, such belief – his words showed he believed in what we were doing. I smiled at him, his response a beaming smile I had never seen from him, his feeling of euphoria seemed to be spreading across the room, because within minutes everyone had resigned the Dumbledore's Army Sign Up sheet, _everyone_ in the room. Neville had done it, he had inspired hope in the hearts of these students, and I must admit he inspired me with his simple words.

Even I felt a shivering sensation pass down my spine as he spoke, evidentially it had the desired affect upon everyone in the room, we were ready to resume meetings, this time we would branch into more difficult defensive magic, the sort that could protect us, the sort we could use to attack an oncoming Death Eater with if ever necessary. I waved goodbye to the students as they slowly left the room after congratulating Neville again for being appointed leader, I watched on in amazement as he slowly came out of his shell. He started out confused and unsure, but slowly he began to respond, shaking the hands of the students who greeted him, answered questions with confidence. I finally walked up to him and gave him a friendly hug.

"I knew you could do it." I whispered.

"Thanks Hermione!" He said hugging me back. "It wasn't as hard as I thought."

"I knew that." I replied with a smile.

"You coming?" He asked releasing me and heading slowly towards the door.

I glanced over at him before telling him to go on without me; I needed some time to think to myself at what had happened in this one single day, which seemed to drag on endlessly as if it would never end. Perhaps it was my early awaking, the less than pleasant meeting with Draco Malfoy or the strange visions of Harry and Ron that I was experiencing. Perhaps it was the thought of a detention with Professor Carrow Perhaps it was my second less than pleasant meeting with Draco Malfoy that had me strangely rattled. Whatever the reason I was glad that this day was finally drawing to an end, I was sick and tired of having Draco Malfoy also known as _The Precious Pureblood _float in and out of my thoughts spontaneously.

I hissed angrily as once again for a reason unbeknownst to be his long waving platinum blonde hair came to mind followed closely by the smell of freshly mowed grass. This was a smell I usually attributed to Ron, _perhaps it never was Ron. _I told myself stopping suddenly mid-air between picking up my bag and large open space. _Hermione! _I scolded myself angrily, _He is an arrogant prat, and you have far more important things to be thinking of than the smells you attribute to males! _After several seconds of confusion and on my part strange behaviour I slowly picked up my bag and walked from the Room, the candles slowly extinguishing as I did so walking back to the warmth of my four-poster bed waiting for me in the dormitory.

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes; a good night's sleep seemed to have done me a whole world of good. The sleep had eased all the tension I had felt the night before slipping away all my previous worries, still the thought of the detention I had to face today inspired pure fear to erupt in the pits of my stomach and heart. I was truly beginning to have what some would call a 'freak out' about what Professor Carrow was labelling a detention. _Could it really be as bad as I was making it seem? _I wondered to myself, or was I merely just overeating as I usually did. _Perhaps it will be something simple such as a demonstration he needs my help for… _I told myself, yet this proved true as I took my seat later and he beckoned me forwards to the front of the class.

I slowly got to my feet and shuffled forward, in a manner that was not unlike that of Argus Filtch. I was shaking uncontrollably by the time I had made it the five meters that were between my seat and the front of the class. I glanced nervously at Neville who gave me a comforting, yet crooked smile. Even he was worried, I could see it in his eyes. That fact really was not helping my case – yet how could I think positively after what I had witnessed within this classroom yesterday?

"Stand there." He said coldly pointing to a place several meters away from him.

"Class today we shall be learning about the Cruciatus Curse. Simple, yet so very powerful. Today we have…"

"Hermione." I hissed.

"To demonstrate for us." He added. "Oh _Immobulus." _

I froze, I was unable to move, trapped where I stood. Unable to run as the thought crossed my mind. I was in the worst kind of trouble that I could imagine, there was no escape either. I could not unfreeze myself, I tried desperately to unfreeze myself using the counter charm however the non-verbal spell would not work, my mind too clouded with fear to even concentrate for even three seconds. He slowly advanced forwards, closer to me with a smirk upon his face that told me he was enjoying every second of this demonstration.

"_Cruciatus."_ He cried, his wand pointed at me.

All I could feel was the pain, the freezing charm broke with the sheer force of the curse. I fell to the ground, my muscles tightening and pulling, a burning pain shot across my entire body as if he had poured searing hot metal down my throat and it was spreading through my body. Every inch of me burned with an unbelievable pain, I could not do anything, I was captive to the curse that pain binding me. I opened my mouth a let out the loudest scream I could manage but I feared it would not be enough, that the sound that I had made would go unheard, that I would have to endure this forever. This maddening, sickening pain, I prayed that I would die just for it to end.

_But suddenly the pain stopped._

I felt like being physically ill, I found myself struggling to pull myself to my feet. My vision was swimming in and out of focus, the tears leaking uncomfortably from my eyes. I tried crawling across the floor yet my arms were still locked, I had been rendered immobile by the curse. I felt myself being lifted slowly from the ground carefully, I heard several gasps but I was unable to see or hear who had made them. I winced in pain as I felt my entire body was lifted from the ground in one painful swift movement.

_"Sorry."_ I heard my saviour whisper.

"_Thank you."_ I whispered, barely audible to even myself.

A face came swimming into vision as I finally opened my eyes again. The first thing I saw was long blonde hair dangling in front of his face, closely followed by his beautiful blue-grey eyes. He slowly carried me from the room; I was unable to determine where I was as he carried me slowly along the long empty corridors. My vision begun to blur again, closing my eyes I sunk away to a place where the pain was not as great.

When I opened my eyes again I was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing, strangely at first I had no recollections as to how I had ended up there, apart from a figure with long blonde hair and beautiful grey-blue eyes. That is all I could remember apart from almost intolerable amounts of burning pain shooting across my entire body, and the recollection fo the fear that I felt as my entire body seemed to lock down before me rendering me defenceless to the curse. It was dark outside, I sat up suddenly in horror that so much time had passed without my knowledge, as I did so I felt the contents of my stomach rising, the swift nature of my movement causing the contents to be expelled across the floor.

"Dear god…" I whispered in horror.

"It's perfectly natural dear." Madam Pomfrey whispered soothingly, it is no wonder after the treatment you supposedly endured.

Just the thought of what had happened caused my stomach to churn; I grasped my mouth as a precaution. I could not believe that was that was his sick, twisted idea of a detention, offering me up as a living example of the Cruciatus curse. I slowly allowed myself to lay back down on the soft comfortable bed, my muscles still aching uncomfortably. I winced involuntary as I did so, this did not go unnoticed by Madam Pomfrey who broke freely into a lecture about the effects of the curse that I would be likely to experience over the next few days, she did not seem to mind throwing in her own two cents either. She advised me that it would be best for me to remain where I was for several days, to allow my muscles to heal properly, and to allow me to regain proper usage of my body once again.

The long hours dragged on unnecessarily, I lay there left only to think of who my mysterious saviour had been, yet my memory of what had happened was so cloudy. _Could I trust what I remembered? _I was left to think of the mysterious blonde hair boy with the most amazing grey-blue eyes that I had ever seen, hoping that perhaps he may visit. However he did not. I was left entirely alone, the only breaks in the time I spent alone were created by Madam Pomfrey who made regular checks, Neville, Ginny and Luna who each had come to visit on several occasions bringing with them an assortment of homework and strange presents – this was more so on Luna's part. She left me a strange onion-type plant that had a strange pink hue, she told me quite seriously that it would heal anything that ailed me, it was only later that I discovered there may be a little bit of method behind her madness. Perhaps it was emitting some strange healing toxin because just hours after it was left upon my bedside table the tension in my muscles begun to relieve itself.

Finally after a full four days of remaining within the confines of the Ward I was allowed to leave, to actually rejoin other humans fully. I was beginning to think that she, that is to say Madam Pomfrey was merely keeping me there for the company, as in the time I had spent within the Ward, I had yet to lay eyes upon another student who was ill or injured. I slowly walked up towards the Great Hall with Neville slowly guiding me along the crowded corridors, the weekend proving the most difficult of times to reacquaint myself with the world of human interactions. It was difficult enough to move yet with so many students it proved all the more difficult.

We had finally made it to the Great Hall, a feat it itself, only to find ourselves in a head on collision with none other than Draco Malfoy. I noticed his hand outstretched towards me offering to help me to my feet, I glanced upwards at him noticing the exact same blonde hair and beautiful blue-grey eyes that my saviour had featured. My saviour it seemed had been none other than _The Precious Pureblood _himself, _Draco Malfoy. _I felt an involuntary shiver pass down my spine as I outstretched my own hand and allowed him to help me for the second time this week.

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_Those people – who as usual know who they are; the ones who hug me when I'm shivering uncontrollably. I may hate hugs but I love you for it as well as being warm._

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**Author's Note: **_Not my best chapter, it was difficult to write this one for some strange reason, the theme did not agree with me, but however this is more of a lead up to some more interesting things. So let me know what you thought, I hope it wasn't a massive fail!_

_Song of the Chapter? _**Angels On The Moon **_– Thriving Ivory_


	13. When Was The Last Time You Owned Up?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirteen: When Was The Last Time You Owned Up?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_I don't pretend to be perfect; I've made mistakes just like everybody else. When I have, I've __owned__ up to the mistakes and moved forward."_

* * *

His hand was warm in my own, surprisingly warm. For someone so seemingly cold I expected a cold hand yet the warmth spread so quickly through his skin and into my own, a sensation so wonderful I almost let go. I felt my skin burning beneath his, one of those strange sensations from a romantic book, but this moment could not be romantic, no moment between Draco Malfoy and myself would ever be romantic. _Ever. _Yet I felt a strange liking for the sensation I was experiencing, in a way I never wanted to let go, I wanted to hold onto the moment forever. The sudden realisation that this was _Draco Malfoy's _hand brought me back to reality with crushing force. I quickly found my feet and released his hand as soon as the moment appeared.

"Thanks." I said nodding quickly, concerned that perhaps I had shown too much emotion.

"Quite alright. I'm glad to see that you are out of the Hospital Wing. What is a school to do without their Head Girl I wonder." He said with a smirk before turning away and walking away.

As he did I turned, I felt my mouth opening and strange words pouring from my lips "Hey, Malfoy!" I called, he turned instantly. "Thanks, for everything."

"Don't mention it Granger. _Seriously._" He said before turning the corridor and walking from my sight entirely.

I felt a small smile break across my face as I repeated his words over and over again in my mind. '_Seriously_' I heard echo repetitively, over and over again. It was almost maddening but for some reason his voice usually cold and distant was soft and soothing, a voice I wanted to listen to for hours on end, alike the voices of Harry and Ron it brought me back to earth, reminding me of who I was. Yet this was different, it was unfamiliar, changing and moving at the same time. I felt myself becoming lost in that final glance which at the time did not seem like much but now that he was gone, I felt I should have said more in gratitude for him removing him from that terrible torment, well I thought it was him anyway. _What if it wasn't? _I asked myself. _What if you're just imagining things again, it would not be the first time. _Sometimes I hated having a conscious, mainly for the fact it was telling me things I did not want to know or that I just did not want to hear. Even my conscious was telling me that Ron and Harry weren't real, but something else inside me told me they were – probably my heart.

Neville took my arm carefully and helped me walk slowly back to the Common Room after a rather slow lunch, the time it took to eat a simple sandwich with people asking you random questions constantly was astounding. I somehow had begun to feel sorry for Harry, having to endure this on several occasions. I simply excused myself after I forced the last portion of the sandwich down and left as quickly as I could manage, Neville not too far behind. I watched carefully as other students seemed to be in a far worse state than I was, many looked as though they had been chained up by the ankles, or worse. I noticed a small Gryffindor first year crying in the corner. I walked over slowly towards her, noticing instantly her bruised wrists and the cuts along her face which had dried, but the dirt was leaking down her face along with the countless tears.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly moving towards her.

She let out a huge sob before speaking in a small shaking voice.

"It hurts…" She whispered.

"What hurts?" I asked carefully sitting beside her.

"Everything! They chained me up in the dungeons… for two days…I want to go home!" She cried.

"So do I." I whispered hugging her. "I know how you feel. I know it hurts now but you'll fine trust me."

"I don't like it here; it's nothing like my Mother said." She sobbed hugging me back.

"Its nothing compared to what it used to be…" I said hugging her.

* * *

My experience with the first year girl, whose name had turned out to be Genevieve, proved to me that Hogwarts was no longer the place that I used to remember so fondly. It was more dark and frightening than it had ever been. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for someone so young, so far away from home, scared and to top it all off the punishment she must have endured for those two days was almost unfathomable. I couldn't even begin to imagine what she had gone through in those two dark days; I knew she was at least, not alone. According to sources a small group of first years had been chained to the roof of the dungeons by their wrists as punishment for being late to their first Defence Against the Dark Arts class, a fifth year had been hung by the ankles for a comment he had made in Muggle Studies. The punishments themselves had proven to be excuse enough to keep your behaviour in line.

I sat beside the window my mind adrift in the beautifully written runes of _The Tales of Beedle The Bard_ such beautiful ancient runes that I had come to possess. Yet what was I supposed to do with them? I had been given a gift that was supposed to help Harry, yet nothing was appearing to be of importance in these simple stories. They were _fairy tales _what resemblance to real life did these tales even possess. It is highly unlikely to think that three brothers really did encounter death upon a bridge. I watched as the rain begun to slowly fall upon the grounds, first light and soft but soon it begun to pelt heavily against my window. I turned slowly to watch the rain falling before noticing a small owl fighting bravely against the heavy rain a large white envelope grasped in its beak. It slowly approached my window, the strange sensation in the pit of my stomach returning as I noticed that it was none other than _Pig _– Ron's little owl_. _

I quickly unlatched the window my hands fumbling the latches terribly before it finally opened, the rain pouring in at me. Within seconds I was drenched from head to toe but it did not matter. It was the letter that I noticed grasped in its beak. I pulled out my wand and muttered a quick spell causing it to be dragged towards me as quickly as the rain would let it. Finally I had the small owl perched on my shoulder. It slowly released the letter, letting it fall to the ground. I quickly retrieved it from the ground the small scrawly writing read my name, luckily I could still read it, the ink had run so much it was almost impossible. My hands were shaking violently; I could not control the tears that were pouring from my eyes, my happiness and sadness rolled into a single almost heartbreaking emotion. I carefully peeled the seal on the letter open, almost to scared to rip it open and read the words that they had written to me. Slowly, carefully and in my own time I opened the letter glancing down I noticed the perfect clarity of the letter. I read:

_Hermione,_

_It's raining here, it rains everyday. That's why I charmed this letter so it wouldn't run. I guess that's because your not with us, it's the weather's way of expressing just how much we miss you and how much we need you. I hope at least it's sunny where you are, hopefully safe and sound. I think about you everyday, and you could not believe how sorry I am, no we are for leaving you behind but know that we did it for the best, and that in the long run you'll come to realise this. Even if it seems like it wasn't now, I know we did the right thing. Once again I'm sorry._

_I miss Hogwarts, the warm bed, the food, the people, but most of all you. Harry misses you too I know he does. Please tell my family I am safe, that no harm has come to me. That I'm alive. Say hi to the Order for us. Please hug Ginny for me, and most of all for Harry who misses her more than words can even begin to say, I know its going to be difficult for her. _

_I hope I'll see you soon, that by the time we see you once again you'll have finished school still in one piece, and that by that time we will have destroyed the well, you know what I mean. We've found one; try to guess who had it around her neck? Umbridge. But that is a story for another time. We are planning to try and reclaim it, but I just don't know how well that will go. Sometimes I wish you were here to guide us, I know you'd have the answers. You always do. I hope you are well and that Snape and the Carrows aren't giving you too much trouble, I hope that it stays that way too. Until I see you know that I love you, miss you and think of you everyday. Send my love to my parents and tell Ginny Harry misses her. Please destroy this once you've read it, no matter what._

_Love Ron._

I clenched my chest uncomfortably. My heart was beating away so loudly I could hear its rhythmic thumping in my ears. I clenched the letter in my hand, walking slowly towards the fireplace. I threw the letter in watching it slowly burn away to ashes, never to be seen by another again. I slowly walked over to my bed, too confused, sad and happy – all at the same time to do anything but curl into a ball and cry.

* * *

Several days had passed since the letter had arrived in the darkness of night; several days that I had neglected to tell Ginny that I had received the letter. The guilt had begun to eat away at me, filling me with worry but not allowing me to move on from Ron's written words. Every time I saw her I wanted to tell her but could not, something within me caused me to pause and change the topic suddenly, all to avoid telling her the truth. _Was it because I was selfish? Did I really want to keep the letter all to myself? Was that the reason? _I could remember almost every word of the letter, nothing changing only several segments repeating in my mind, begging me to tell them. _'Tell Ginny Harry misses her…' _I knew that I could no longer keep it to myself, no matter what. I could no longer be selfish, breaking the promise that I had made to Ginny that day she had collapsed. _I had to tell her._

It was late afternoon before I had finally spotted her. She was talking quietly to Luna in a small corridor. I stoped and walked slowly towards her, the look on her face brightened as she watched me approach; I had to admit to her what I had done. Despite I promised her that I would tell her about the letter, I had not. I had neglected my promise. I slowly walked to her ready to own up to what I had done. Ready to begin to make amends for my mistake, one that I knew was going to hurt her. I just hoped she would forgive me.

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_ This is an extra special little chapter for one of my best friends: The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much. There are several reasons as to why she deserves this, and a novel all of her own. I must say she keeps me sane and I enjoy drinking orange juice with her at two in the morning. With so much to deal with at times she is the one who keeps my feet on the ground. Thanks so much._

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**Author's Note: **_I apologise for the time it has taken to post this one. A lot has been going on and to say the least I've had barely any time to do anything I've wanted to do. But I feel now's the time to share my goal, *clears throat* by the time I return to school next year I intend to be fifty, yes __**fifty **__chapters into the story. This is my personal challenge for the end of the year and is partially based upon one of The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much's little challenges for me, and for her, I will achieve it. Just watch me. Let me know what you thought, as always I ask for your reviews as this story truly is for no-one but those who read it._


	14. When Was The Last Time You Memorized?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fourteen: When Was The Last Time You Memorized?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"Grattitude is the memory of the heart."_

* * *

I was prepared to admit defeat. _Terrible,_ _glorious, horrific defeat._ I watched as tears welled up in her eyes once, when I told her Ron's words to me from Harry, her joy as I told her that they were safe, alive and well and her sadness when I told her that it had been days between when I had received the letter and when I had told her – my broken promise. She was quiet while I told her what I had done, it was frighteningly quiet. Eerie almost. She looked quite shaken when I had finished telling her what the entire letter had contained, she did not question me nor did she seem to be angry. Yet the betrayal was clear in her eyes, she did not show any other emotion, only betrayal. Which of course to me was the most frightening of all the emotions she could have shown. It was a sinking feeling that overtook me; I felt every bit of the betrayal in her eyes, knowing fully that I was the cause of this pain.

I explained that I had to burn the letter, that if it was found I risked so much, and she too would have been at risk due to the content of the letter. Yet I tried to sidestep the topic as to why I had not told her directly after burning the letter. She did not question me when I was done, quite the contrary – she actually hugged me. Thanking me for at least telling her eventually, even if I had taken my time. I felt rather guilty, actually no rather, extremely guilty. I walked to dinner confused and rather startled that she had not been as angry as I had feared, I had at least expected a Bat Bogey Hex as fair punishment for what I had done, but there was nothing. _Perhaps the guilt I felt was punishment enough._ I thought to myself. As I turned a corner towards the Great Hall, the glorious smell of roast chicken wafting down the corridor in sumptuous waves. As I approached the door I felt an hand grasp the collar of my robes pulling me backwards into a broom cupboard located handily nearby.

It took several seconds for my eyes to adjust, so that I could actually see who had pulled me into this cramped space. Glancing into his grey-blue eyes, I felt that strange warm tingling sensation once again. I swallowed nervously, in his hand he was clutching a scroll, there was no wind, mainly due to the fact that we were inside a broom cupboard however his hair fluttered peacefully, slightly too long, but at the same time it suit him. His fringe which was usually kept swept across to a single side was falling in front of his face in a gorgeous way that made me want to reach out and sweep it away from his eyes. He cleared his throat loudly, as if unsure what to say. I noticed for the first time that he was significantly taller than I was, having never been this close to him I would never have noticed. I could only imagine what Harry and Ron would say about standing this close to a Death Eater, in particular _Draco Malfoy._ In my mind I could already hear their voices screaming angry protests, I forced them away – they were ruining such a strange yet perfect moment.

He reached forward and pushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear, gently, yet ever so carefully as though worried I would panic. Any other time I might have, but I did owe him for his bravery in the Defence Against The Dark Arts class. However something within me told me I had to move, this was _Draco Malfoy! He's a Death Eater Hermione! _I told myself. I knew this why hadn't I acted upon it sooner, what allowed me to stand there so casually while he so gently pushed that stray lock of hair away from my face.

"_Sorry." _He whispered. "I shouldn't have…"

"It's alright." I replied softly. "I shouldn't have stared at you like I was; it was awfully rude of me."

"I don't mind you know." He replied. "I mean I don't anymore."

"You don't?" I asked unsure of any other series of words that could fit a situation such as this one.

I mean I was standing in a broom cupboard with Draco Malfoy; does any other social interaction prepare you for such a moment as this? If I could only see the look upon Pansy Parkinson's face if she saw this, she would have an absolute fit. Or perhaps not, I had heard that she was dating Blaise Zabini however the fact that he had already left school did not seem to affect this relationship, which in itself made sense. She had lost her attraction to Draco, perhaps his supposed _'failure'_ had caused this and she needed to find the next best thing. Evidentially to her that was Blaise, thank goodness she did not choose Crabbe or Goyle, the consequences of such a union would be ghastly! I doubted how long her relationship would last, at least she had moved on from Draco. _Would that mean I have a chance? _I found myself thinking. My jaw nearly dropped. _How could I think such a thing?_

"_Hermione?"_ Draco asked ever so softly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I squeaked. "Umm… What's that?" I asked trying to make pointless conversation by bringing up the scroll in his hand.

"This is the reason I dragged you in here. I hope you do not object. Too bad if you did." He said laying the large scroll out upon the floor. "This here is a Pureblood family tree. As you can probably see, which I do not doubt due to your incredibly high and unnatural intelligence that many of the Pureblood families are related in some form or another."

"Yes I see that…" I begun before noticing the name Sirius Black not all that far from Draco's name. "You're related to Sirius… Well_ were_…" I whispered quietly.

"Yes I am related to the Black's; my Mother was Narcissa Black before she married my father, see here." He said pointing to the small golden line between his parents names.

I looked carefully at the entire roll of parchment, it was larger than the tapestry at Number Twelve Grimmuld Place, but there were segments of this tree that were the same as the one upon the wall of that old house. I noticed Harry's name along the bottom of the tapestry, above his name were his parents, their birth year, followed closely by their years of death. I noticed that many people from around this time had their years of death following not even thirty years after their birth. Some even younger. This was the fate of our world if someone could not put an end to this war. _This was my fate, Harry's fate and Ron's fate. To live in a world where those around us would be killed until eventually we ourselves would be killed for the mere sport of it all. _I felt a knot tightening in the pit of my stomach.

"Professor McGonagall asked me to give you this. She would like you to study it. She said you would understand." He said to me examining the tree further.

"I understand. Is it yours?" I asked.

"My Mother's actually, you could say that coming from a family such as hers nothing was prized more than making respectable Pureblood marriages. The obsession continues even to today where people like my mother like to keep a close eye of the Pureblood families of today, you would be hard pressed to find a better tree than this." He commented.

Perhaps he was right, I was being thrown yet another lifeline by Professor McGonagall, but would I take it? Did I really have a choice would have been a better question. I realised that if I was caught masquerading as a Half-Blood this was my only chance to avoid detection. I glanced carefully at the names, thinking of a way I could somehow incorporate myself into these families. I could see no obvious way, every place I could put a name into would not fit, either death or the problem of the person being too well known would cause my story to come into question quite easily. There was realistically no way I could pass myself off as a Malfoy, a Potter a Crabbe or a Greengrass. Those just being four of the rather prominent family names upon the tree, perhaps maybe, just maybe I could pass myself off as a Black.

"What do you intend to do with this?" He asked me curiously.

"I am interested in the connections between Pureblood families, and how over time several of the well known family names have disappeared. It's a selected study for…"

"Alright, alright I get the picture!" He cried out in frustration, cutting me off before I even needed to begin thinking of a class to attach this supposed _'study'_ to. "But you know I'm not as stupid as I look. It's rather obvious to me, and everyone else who knows you on a slightly above acquaintance level that you are not in fact a Half-Blood as you now claim to be. You are obviously looking for an escape route. If I were you, I would not even begin trying to masquerade as a distant relative of the Prewetts, Greengrasses or Goyles. Also for that matter please do not claim that we are related, that would be somewhat of a stupid move to make. Many of the Ministry employees are relatives or can easily trace my family name because as you know we are not the most popular name around the Ministry at the present time."

"I was thinking perhaps that using the Black family name would be a good idea." I whispered.

"Wise choice." He responded. "They have had some _interesting_; I guess you would call it relationships, depending of course which family you decide to use, I'm assuming you would be using either Sirius or Regulus's name if I am not mistaken."

"Sirius's, Regulus died too young, the story would be far too complicated but I just hope it works." I replied, the silence taking over at once. "Draco I have something to ask you…" I begun.

"Let me guess. Good news... Harry died and you would like to have the party at my house?" He said with a laugh, almost casually.

_How could anyone say such a thing?_ But then I remembered suddenly - _This is Draco Malfoy, he'd probably throw a party if he heard that sort of news._

"_No_!" I cried, wanting to hit him as hard as I could. "Why are you helping me?"

"Granger when was the last time you did something for nothing?" He said handing the scroll to me before leaving me entirely alone in the broom cupboard left only to ponder his last words and the information he had given me to memorize, all for my own sake.

Something I would never have though Draco would do for another as he seemed to be so selfish, yet perhaps he was not as he was painted, perhaps his mission, handed down to him directly from Lord Voldemort had made him realise that perhaps the world did not revolve entirely around him. Which may be proving true, but his words had startled me, when was the last time he had ever done something for free? What was he going to gain from this task? I could not continue to ponder this forever, I had yet another task to add to my already hectic workload, I had a Pureblood family tree to memorize before they realised I was not as I was being painted…

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**Dedicated To: **_Off Dreaming, I thank you for your kind reviews on pretty much every chapter. Your reviews make me smile and hope that the next chapter will be as good as the last._

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**Author's Note: **_Let's keep it short and simple this time: How about I just turn around now, and when I look back there will be more reviews? Does this work for you?_


	15. When Was The Last Time You Yelled?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifteen: When Was The Last Time You Yelled?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled."_

* * *

Yet another sleepless night was doing little to help my already irritated mood. In fact it was only causing it to grow, making me want to scream. The truth was that having four sleepless nights in a row, was never a good way to help you keep your mood in balance, it was the perfect way to make it so unstable you yourself can barely predict what you are going to do under a stressful or irritating situation. I sat in the library pouring over the oversized scroll containing the family tree I was attempting to memorize, a task proving only the more difficult due to the lack of sleep I was experiencing. I glanced half-heartedly at the names which all seemed to be blurring into my mind into one massive oversized headache. Everything seemed to be adding to my irritation, the third years whispering in a corner undoubtedly gossiping about one person or another, the quills scratching of the students studying at such a pace it was almost unnatural was pushing me to breaking point.

I slammed the book I had been reading earlier shut, barely even able to focus on Goblin Rebellions once again, rolled the scroll up and stalked from the library, which might I add was supposed to be a place of peace and quiet. Yet today it seemed anything but this. I decided that today would be another day for trying to visit Hagrid, whom I had only spoken to twice all year, one time he half ignored me. I placed both the book and the scroll safely within my bag and begun the long walk down to his cabin, hoping that he would be there and at least the walk would not have been in vain. I noticed the clouds hanging dully above the grounds, they never quite left anymore, there was never much sunlight these days, the days too dark for even the weather to be cheery. The dreary weather cast a glum mood over me, I failed to ever be able to express happiness in such weather.

I felt a permanent gloom, not even Neville's attempts at trying to make me smile were failing, he was becoming increasingly desperate in his attempts. Even Luna failed to cheer me up with her Nargles and Wrackspurts. I reached the large wooden door knocking several times, hoping he was home. Judging by the large cloud of thick grey smoke pouring from the chimney, I'd say the odds were mostly within my favour. I knocked loudly on the door, taking a large step backwards as I heard approaching footsteps from within, that was of course always a good sign. Hagrid emerged holding a small Bowtruckle, he gave me a shaky smile before placing it in a cage to the side of the door. I smiled back, as he stood up once again.

"Hello 'ermione."

"Hey Hagrid, how have you been?" I asked.

"Yer', not too bad actually. What about yer'self? Keeping out'a trouble?"

"I guess, trouble is a bit harder to come by these days I'm afraid Hagrid."

"Missin' 'arry and Ron I'm guessin'?"

"You could say that." I replied softly.

"Come in, we'll have a cupp'a tea." He said kindly.

I followed him into his house, which in was almost homely, having visited yearly since my first year I looked at the familiar building remembering everything that had happened here, the memories I'd made. I could remember watching Norbert well_, Norberta_ hatching upon the table. Eating some of Hagrid's famed rock cakes, not famed for the best of reasons I can assure you. I remembered watching as Cornelius Fudge, Albus Dumbledore and Macnair, the executioner walked down the long winding path to the hut, the foreshadowing of what could once have been Buckbeak's fate if we had not have used the Time Turner. I noticed a large blue cup landing on the table in front of me, filled to the brim with steaming hot tea. I thanked Hagrid as he too took a seat at the table.

"I know it's hard 'ermione. But we have to remember that they're doing somethin' Dumbledore asked 'em to." He said breaking an awkward silence.

"But I was supposed to go with them." I replied. "How can anyone say being left behind is fair or right. It wasn't meant to happen like this."

"Everythin' happens for a reason. We 'ave to trust that they made the right choice."

"But being alone is almost worse in comparison with what they're facing, what could be worse? I know that sounds terrible but that's how I feel Hagrid! All the time! It doesn't go away like it used to, I feel so empty and alone I just want to yell and scream."

"Sometimes bein' alone makes us do and think terrible things you can't let 'em get to you. It'll drive yer' insane."

"I think it already has." I replied numbly.

As I walked numbly from the cabin upon the completion of my tea and our conversation I noticed a figure standing in the shallows of the lake. I walked towards them unsure of what anyone could be doing in the lake when twilight was almost upon us. The figure, a male noticed my approach and begun to wave frantically. It was then I noticed that this figure was Neville, I realised instantly what he would be doing standing in the shallows of the lake – research for Herbology. Upon my arrival at the edge of the lake he scrambled across, splashing water across the ground and onto my feet, the water soaking through my thin socks.

"Sorry bout that." He said pointing to my feet.

"It's alright." I said sitting down pulling my feet into my chest.

"What's up?" He asked casually, not even looking away from the plant he held in his hand.

"Do you ever feel like there's nothing left. Nothing to hope for?" I asked quietly.

"Sometimes. Its hard to be cheerful in times like these." He replied climbing out of the shallows of the lake. "But you know, I remember how much worse it could be. What other situations could be worse and I don't feel as bad. I realise that I'm one of the lucky ones."

"Are we really that lucky Neville? We have nothing left."

"We have each other and hope. Hope that things will get better." He said wrapping his arm comfortingly around me.

"I know. Sometimes that isn't enough you know…" I whispered.

"It'll always be enough. You just got to realise it."

"I don't know if I can."

"You will someday, I know you will." He whispered.

I bent my head over to rest it upon his shoulder. The sun had begun to slowly set over the grounds, the darkness beginning to fall; the only light visible several small fireflies resting peacefully atop the larks dark surface. I watched as slowly the small crescent moon rose gracefully into the sky.

"You know what?" Neville asked me as we watched night fall.

"What?" I whispered.

"Those fireflies they are trying to tell you something."

"How so?" I asked.

"You see, it's dark, but all around them it's light. There's always light in the middle of the darkness."

"They're _fireflies _Neville of course they've got light surrounding them, its how they are." I replied.

"Yeah, but who ever said they had to choose to land here?" He said taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. "There's always light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how dark or long it seems, it's there waiting for you to find it."

"It feels so different though… I just want to run and hide you know."

My words came out in more of a whisper than I had predicted, I somehow thought that perhaps they would be fairly audible, yet it was quite the opposite, even I could barely hear my own words. Those words, the worlds that had been cluttering beneath all my other thoughts for days had finally emerged; the source of my anger finally breaking free from its prison within my mind. I released Neville's hand and walked slowly towards the lakes edge. I dropped my bag, the book and scroll rolling carelessly out and onto the ground.

"I'm sick of this. Of everything!" I hissed. "I can't take it anymore!"

"Hermione?" Neville asked.

"I hate this!" I screamed and yelled at the top of my lungs across the lake.

At the completion of my yelling, which had released the tension I had been feeling for days I whispered four simple words so quietly that no-one other than myself could hear them: _"Please come home soon…"_

Neville swallowed as if unsure what to do in such a situation. My strange behaviour clearly had him startled, which of course was not my intention. I just needed to scream, to yell to let go of all the emotion that had been building up and it seemed like the most logical way to do so. Well at the time it did. Sometimes there is no victory without sacrifice, nothing to gain without losing first. Sometimes you just have to give a little to move on. For me that was admitting that the visions were fake that they – Harry and Ron, more than likely would not write  
again. _That I was entirely alone._

The wind ruffled my hair gently, causing it to fly in front of my face. I allowed it to dangle needlessly there for just a few moments needing the comfort that the silence and movement-less seconds provided - the illusion that I was alone, when in fact I was not. It is a somewhat humbling feeling alone, in some ways it is peaceful knowing that it is only you and your thoughts but in others you feel so cut off from the world that it is almost maddening. I felt not one but both these emotions I could, I felt so peaceful yet part of me craved human presence, in particular that of Harry and Ron. I guessed that the emotion I was currently experiencing was an emotion of true loneliness.

It took me several minutes to contemplate movement. I noticed a small firefly dangling midair in front of my face, knowing almost instantly what I had to do I slowly gathered the small firefly within my hands, grasping it gently. I glanced through my fingers at the small glowing light. I would keep it, as a reminder. Something I could look at and not be afraid anymore, alike the light scares away the monsters hiding beneath your bed as a child, the light of the firefly was going to scare away the darkness.

"What are you doing?" Neville asked me.

"I'm keeping it, to remind me, every time I feel sad or hopeless that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - That there is always a chance. Perhaps next time, I won't have to start yelling at people or myself to realise that… Perhaps I can just look at this firefly and remember that…"

I carefully placed it in a pocket of my bag, replacing the scroll and book carefully, pretending as though none of that had ever happened.

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**Dedicated To: **_My Ninja Brother, who at times makes me want to yell my face off, but then who would hire good movies for me?_

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**Author's Note: **_Accio Reviews?_


	16. When Was The Last Time You Laughed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixteen: When Was The Last Time You Laughed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry."_

* * *

I was walking alone down a corridor perfectly minding my own business when I was rudely interrupted by none other than Draco Malfoy. Well I wasn't really minding my own business, I was kind of trying to listen in on the conversation of the group ahead of me who had heard news that perhaps Harry and Ron had been spotted just outside the country, but that was besides the point. I felt a firm grasp enclose the back of my robes and pull me backwards into a side corridor. I noted that he had a terrible habit for being rather rough when trying to grab my attention. _Could he not just stop and talk to me instead of pulling me into cupboards or corridors? _I thought. _Or am I really that embarrassing that he can even be seen with me? Would it damage his already damaged reputation even further? _

I carefully tugged my robes back into shape as he released me; they were all out of shape after being pulled so forcefully. When I'd completed re-aligning my robes I looked up at him in annoyance, hoping that a mere glare would be enough for him to realise that his methods of catching a girl's attention were rather medieval. Once again I found myself a victim of his hypnotising eyes, the blue-grey colour almost to beautiful to make one actually willingly want to look away. I noted there was concern swimming beneath those irises today, something was amiss yet I could not tell what was wrong.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly before I could stop myself.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" He snapped quickly. "Did I say something was wrong?"

"Well your certainly acting like it." I snapped quickly.

"The Headmaster wishes to meet with us after lunch. You have to give this to your sixth period teacher, it's an exemption from the class." He said handing me a small scroll. "He wants to talk with us about some matters that have been brought to his attention, if that makes any sense."

"Okay." I said taking the scroll and placing it into my bag. "You know you can just talk to me in public. Being a Muggleborn really isn't that bad. Barely anyone knows I am. It doesn't bother anyone really." I whispered. "Or are you that ashamed of talking to me, because you have to?" I asked.

"It's not like that. You wouldn't understand your not one of us." He said hesitantly.

"I understand it probably some stupid Slytherin thing that we Gryffindor's will never get." I said pulling open the door he had pulled me through and walking away.

As I did I could swear I heard him whisper something, a single sentence that sounded uncannily like "_I'm not ashamed of you…" _But I did not stick around long enough to find out whether or whether not I had heard the sentence correctly neither did I really want to find out. It would just complicate matters further. Something deep within in me – probably my heart, hoped that he had said something similar to those words if not them, but my brain and common sense told me it was most likely an insult or judgemental sentence that I did not particularly need to hear_. But what if, just what if he had said it? _I found myself thinking, a smile slowly spreading across my face. _Perhaps he's not as bad as they make him seem, perhaps beneath everything he was only human._

_He's a Slytherin, they're not human. There was a never witch or wizard that went bad that wasn't in Slytherin._ A little voice in my head whispered to me. I told it to shut up as I continued along my way to breakfast where I was to meet with Neville for our study period. I reached the doors where students were scrambling in all directions after sleeping in and only just making it to breakfast before the bell, other were just walking in to find that they only had five minutes until classes begun. I noticed Neville waving to me from halfway down the Gryffindor table beside him Ginny was talking to Seamus and Luna. They were beginning to leave for classes as I approached.

"Morning guys." I said happily.

"What's got you in a good mood?" Ginny asked sceptically.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?" I asked.

"No it's just different." She replied before excusing herself from the group and running off to her first class, Luna and Seamus doing the exact same.

Neville glanced up at me and smiled happily indicating to an empty spot beside him. The entire hall was almost empty, save for a few stray students, most of which were sixth or seventh years in their study periods.

"How are you feeling today?" Neville asked me kindly taking a slice of toast.

"Could be better but pretty good. I don't feel as miserable that's for sure." I replied. "Were studying for Herbology today right?" I asked.

"Yes, I was hoping to go down to the lake today. I needed to finish off that research task for Professor Sprout I only need to find one more plant and I have a fairly good idea where I might be able to find one." He said happily.

"Sure, just let me grab my books." I said grabbing several slices of toast and getting out of my seat.

"How about I meet you at the lake in say ten minutes?" He asked.

"Sure it's a date." I said with a laugh as I walked away running straight into Draco Malfoy who looked rather confused.

"What?" I said harshly as I pushed past him before jogging back to the Common Room to grab my bag.

I found that it only took me a few minutes to make it down to the lake. But Neville was already waiting beneath a large shady willow tree for me his books lying sprawled across the ground. I quickly threw my bag beneath the tree and walked down to the lakes edge where he was wading out into the shallows.

"What exactly are you looking for?" I asked curiously taking my shoes and socks off.

"The Nightingale Orchid." He replied.

"What does it look like?" I asked stepping into the cool water.

"It's purple and white, and it's unlike any other flower you will ever see, its beauty is _almost_ unmatched in this world." He replied quietly.

I waded out further to where he stood. Slowly he bent down a pulled a small flower from the water. It wasn't that deep luckily, the water just lapped at my ankles. I watched as slowly he drew a small but amazingly beautiful orchid from the water. He was right; it was one of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen. He slowly grabbed my hands and cupped them in his own placing the small orchid in my hands.

"It's so beautiful." I whispered.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you though." He replied.

"Neville…" I replied shakily.

"Hermione, I know your probably not looking for a boyfriend right now, I know you miss Ron. But I just want you to know I'm here for you, and I have feelings for you. I just want you to know that." He whispered. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me some time you know like on a date?"

"Neville… I…I… don't know what to… say…" I stuttered, interrupted by a rustling from within a nearby tree.

"What was that?" Neville asked.

"Probably just a bird." I replied. "Here take the flower you're probably going to need it for your research task." I said placing back in his hands.

"Keep it. It's yours now; you don't have to give me an answer right away you know? I can wait."

"Okay…" I replied softly slowing wading back towards the lakes edge.

Once back upon dry land I carefully placed the orchid in my hair. I packed up Neville's bag and we walked slowly back towards the castle, he slowly placed his hands around my shoulder as we did so. More as an act of friendship than something romantic. I glanced over at him, and he smiled at me.

"It's good to have a friend like you Neville." I whispered. "I at least know I have you to lean on and you have me."

"It's nice to have someone who cares…" He whispered as we made our way into the castle.

The next two classes past in breeze. I barely even noticed either of The Carrows rambling on in either of the classes I had which would usually make for the worst of days in any normal situation. Muggle Studies and The Dark Arts would usually have been hell on Earth yet today I didn't even noticed as the time slipped past, which most likely would be a good thing. I don't know how much more torture I could witness or ranting about how muggles deserved no respect and should be treated as animals I would be able to take without having to say or do something. I had to admit the line already was baring quite thin a slightly concerning fact. There was still an entire year to go, three weeks in and I already wanted to go insane. I ate my lunch quickly, in no mood to irritate Snape by keeping him and Draco waiting, realising quickly that my meeting would no start for another fifteen minutes I sat down outside the entrance to his office.

"Well fancy seeing you here." I heard a loud voice drawl.

"Strange I wasn't expecting to see you here either Draco." I hissed back.

"Now, now." He chided. "That was just plain rude."

"I don't need an arrogant prat like you telling me what is and isn't rude. I'm fairly sure I can figure it out for myself." I replied coldly.

He had a point though; I was being entirely uncivil towards him. What had he done that had merited such a harsh greeting? Was I merely being rude for the sake of it, the answer to that was sadly yes. Perhaps I was merely being rude just to annoy him, to give him a taste of his own medicine, but perhaps not. Perhaps I was taking everything out on him, he and his fellow Slytherins had never made life particularly easy for Harry, Ron or myself, and basically anyone who wasn't a Slytherin perhaps sub-consciously I was just trying to make him feel the same way when he seemed to be slowly reaching out to me. Could I reject his friendship when he extended it? Would I be so harsh as to do such a thing?

I heard a loud rumbling from within the stone walls behind the gargoyle, I lept to my feet suddenly not wanting to be found sitting upon the ground by the Headmaster. I quickly brushed my robes free of any dirt and stood beside Draco. Suddenly the rumbling stopped and the gargoyle slowly moved aside, revealing the tall black haired Headmaster Severus Snape. Unfortunately even his new position as Headmaster was not incentive enough for him to wash his seemingly greasy black hair. He had also not changed his usual bat-like style, he was still garbed in long black robed that swept across the ground as he walked. Although he looked somewhat different, paler, thinner almost, although any other year I would not have thought wither of those possible. He was already a thin, pale man but now he just looked plain creepy. Perhaps it was the stress of running an entire school getting to him.

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss. Granger thank you for being here on time." He said obviously unable to fault either of us. "For future reference the password is 'Slytherin' that will ensure that I do not always have to greet either of you prior to meetings."

He slowly walked back up the spiral staircase his robes sweeping behind him in an almost graceful way. I felt the strong urge to turn to Draco and start whispering about his appearance and how it had changed over such a short period of time. However I knew this would be incredibly unwise as Draco was a Death Eater as was Snape, he would find out within minutes. It would be incredibly unwise indeed; most likely I would find myself a victim of the Carrow's punishment again. I shuddered at the thought, it was the most terrible pain I had ever felt, that of which was a situation I never wanted to find myself in again. It was painful enough the first time; I wasn't keen to go back for seconds.

Draco and I took our seats across from him, oh how the entire office had changed since he had become Headmaster, the silver and gold instruments that adorned every surface of Albus Dumbledore's office had vanished, the books gone too; replaced now by potion ingredients on several shelves and only a handful of books. On the whole it was a rather empty appearance for such an office. It seemed so dark and unfamiliar, there was nothing inviting or welcoming about the office anymore. It seemed like the sort of place a Death Eater would dwell in. It was unnerving seeing Snape sitting in Albus Dumbledore's old seat, a seat in which he had made so many choices that affected how this war had played out. It felt now, like the enemy had taken over and a less than suitable replacement had been made in his place.

He cleared his throat loudly as if unsure what to say in such a situation, already this meeting was already seeming rather pointless. I found myself thinking over and over again. _What could he possibly want from us? _Forgetting completely that he was skilled at Occulemency, a mistake I was ashamed that I had made as I saw a dark smile spread across his dark features.

"I have called you here to discuss the disciplinary methods we are choosing to employ at Hogwarts this year." He begun, his nasally voice becoming rather bothersome already. "This year my deputies the Professors Carrow have also graciously agreed to be Disciplinary Coordinators. A task I can assure you that requires a large amount of their time. Therefore I wish for you to help them in catching wrongdoers about our school and by reporting them directly to either Professor. In fact this meeting is being conducted on their behalf, as I am sure their time is quite limited. Do I have your assurances that you will perform this task to the best of your ability?" He asked.

This was all wrong, we had already promised Professor McGonagall to do our best to help the students. Now we were being asked to go against this and turn them in for punishment. What was a girl supposed to do? Which task, more importantly required my promise to be kept? I could pretend to do both, but in the end I was going to be caught. Which was more worth being caught for? Breaking my promise to save the students from toture and pain, or by not allowing them to be caught for misdeeds?

"Do I have your word that you will do so?" He asked again.

"Yes sir." We both replied quietly.

"Now we have several other matters to discuss, however they are simple and we shall discuss these next week, as for now I have a meeting with Pius Thicknese. I shall return to the school tomorrow and we shall conduct our meeting at lunch time if this agreeable with you." He added standing up.

"Yes sir." I replied.

"I trust you can find your way out my office without injuring yourselves." He said sarcastically opening the door with a simple flick of his wand.

As I passed the portraits of previous Headmasters I could swear the sleeping figure of Albus Dumbledore smiled at me before resuming his expressionless slumber. Snape seemed different alike he'd heard some disagreeable news. He seemed stressed even, as though though he was being stretched far too thin. Perhaps that is why he seemed so thin. The meeting seemed rather forced however I was glad I could leave before I was forced to make more promises I did not even wish to keep. As Draco and I walked down the large staircase back down to resume our classes Draco seemed to be unable to help himself and had to attempt to make some form of conversation.

"Didn't picture you as a cry baby lover, I heard you and Longbottom are going out." He drawled as we walked down the spiralling staircase from Snape's office.

"What makes you think that?" I replied quickly, concerned.

_How could he have heard anything? _I thought desperately. _We were entirely alone! _

"My never-wrong sources heard it." He replied.

"Don't make me laugh Draco. He's a better person than you." I replied. "And for your information, just so you knew. I said no, so obviously your '_never wrong_' sources were wrong." I said with a laugh walking away from him to my next class left to ponder what choice I would make, would I break my promise to Professor McGonagall or to Professor Snape? Would I say yes or no to Neville? So many outcomes hung in the balance, all dependant on the choice I would make, and all I could do was hope that I would make the right choices.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Lin and Kay; you were right. Snape's exposure was long overdue._

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**Author's Note: **_I had real fun writing this chapter, not only have I found that Snape is an interesting and sometimes annoying character to write about, I must admit I've got a greater appreciation of him. It took writing about him in this way for me to gain that appreciation of him. Not long to go now, NaNo WriMo starts next week for me so I won't be writing this next month unless I finish somewhat early. *Sobs sadly* I'll be putting up as many chapters as I can in the mean time but I'm going to miss this. Reviews are welcome!_

_Song of the Chapter – __**Broken - Lifehouse**_


	17. When Was The Last Time You Discovered?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventeen: When Was The Last Time You Discovered?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand."_

* * *

It was time, time to give Neville my answer. I stood there before him unable to speak unable to give him the answer I had been thinking for days, ever since I spoke to Draco. I gazed into his warm brown eyes, they seemed so kind, I could only imagine what my answer would do to those. As I looked up at him I could swear his eyes momentarily turned a blue-grey, reminiscent of the shade of Draco Malfoy's eyes. I blinked quickly attempting to clear my eyes as quickly as I could only to find they had changed back to the warm brown colour. I could feel the pain my words would cause welling up within me, my more recent experiences dealing with loss and pain making me far more sensitive to the feelings of others. This topped the list of the pain I had caused this year.

Just thinking about the choice I made filled my stomach with a churning sensation alike that of a boat rocking from side to side on the uneasy waves of the ocean. I finally found the courage to tell him the terrible truth. _I could not accept his offer. I just didn't feel that way about him. _I swallowed nervously before I opened my mouth.

"Neville, I think we should just be friends. I'm really sorry but it would be better that way. I know it." I whispered.

"As long as you're happy." He whispered sadly. "Because in the end that's all I want."

"I am. I'd rather have your friendship and know you have mine than risk that with a relationship." I replied.

He nodded simply before turning to walk away from me. He slowly turned back to look where I still stood, alone in the middle of the long stone corridor. The hurt I had imagined in his eyes at least four times worse than I could have ever imagined it. He looked at me as if he hoped I would turn and run towards him, but this wasn't a fairytale, this was not a romance novel where the main characters suddenly realised the mistake they had been making and ran to each other and embraced. No this was nothing like that sort of moment; it was a cold, sad moment. The tension is the air was so thick it would have been possible to cut it with a knife it one attempted to do so.

"I am really sorry." I whispered.

"I know you are." He replied before finally walking away from me.

I walked slowly back to the Common Room, deciding it would be better if I missed dinner and instead just went to bed, where alone I might forget all about these decisions I had been forced to make – decisions I didn't always have an answer to, decisions I didn't want to have to make. I suddenly found myself in the girls dormitory, as though lost in thought I had managed to wake to the Common Room, give the password and then enter completely oblivious. I pulled off my robes and school uniform and pulled on a tee-shirt and a pair of old tracksuit pants and lay atop my bed, falling instantly to sleep, only to find myself awake several hours later. It was dark outside, and I could hear the snoring of Lavender and Parvarti from around me, once again I could see a flickering light from a nearby corridor. I slowly got up pulling on a pair of sneakers and a jumper before grabbing my wand to investigate.

Once again I found myself wandering the corridors late at night in search of a lost student. Although even I had to admit I did believe it was hard to believe a First Year could be lost after three weeks of living within the castle. Deep down I knew that there would be only one person that would sit alone in a corridor at any hour of the night – Draco Malfoy. For what reason he seemed to do this was completely unknown to me. I sensed that he was no longer welcome in the Slytherin Dorms, what with a large portion of the parents of his friends being Death Eater's it can't have been pleasant being a complete failure in their eyes. _Or was it something more?_ _Was he hiding from something?_ Running away from it, and being alone was the only way he could find peace. _What if being alone was the only way he could deal with it?_

I finally found him; it was not a lost First Year as I had guessed. No it was Draco Malfoy sitting in a corridor on the East side of the school. He looked up at me before glancing back out the large window he had perched himself upon the sill of. From the window you could see the entire grounds, the pale moonlight illuminating the grounds in a peaceful yet eerie way.

"Draco?" I asked quietly.

"Granger." He replied coldly, a strange strangling sound in his greeting.

I walked closer towards him noticing several tears running down his pale cheeks.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly.

"Just leave me alone Granger please. I have enough problems in my life without you knowing about them also."

"It helps sometimes to tell another person." I replied taking several steps towards him.

He immediately jumped to his feet, off the window sill. Wiping the tears away from his eyes with his left arm where his sleeve was rolled up past his elbow his Dark Mark showing. It looked different than I could remember any Dark Mark looking almost as though someone had attempted to disfigure it. It was then I noticed his wand upon the ground and the redness around the Mark. It was impossible not to notice the deep gouges that had been made along the wound, but it appeared as though the Dark Mark was burnt into every layer of skin you possessed, there was no destroying it once you had had it placed upon your skin – you were a servant for life. Draco had been trying to destroy the Mark he had burnt upon his skin.

"Draco! What are you doing?" I cried taking his arm in my hands.

"What does it look like?" He cried. "Trying to get rid of the stupid thing!"

"Why would you do that?" I asked silently healing the deep, now bleeding gouges with my wand.

"I don't want it." He replied walking away from me.

It was then that I realised, it all made sense to me. Draco Malfoy was no longer a Death Eater. That was the reason his friends had completely shunned him, the reason he was reduced to wandering the corridors alone. He had lost everything by rejecting his role as servant of Lord Voldemort including the people who he once called friends.

"You're not a Death Eater anymore." I whispered taking a step towards him I outstretched my hand and took his comfortingly.

"No, I don't want to be a Death Eater anymore, but anyone who becomes a Death Eater dies a death eater even if it's at the hand of his followers. It's not something you can just give up!" He cried ripping his hand from mine. "Don't you get it Granger? I'm going to die! Not later, soon and there's not a damn thing I can do about it!"

"Draco… We can… We can work through this. There is a solution, there always is!" I cried desperately.

For the first time in my life I felt sorry for Draco, unwillingly thrown into the position of Death Eater, he know saw how truly helpless it rendered him – He was unable to live a normal life, unable to be happy. For constant fear of being hunted down like a common animal would surely drive him mad. Even if he were to survive a year, surely the paranoia would begin to eat away at him, the sadness that he could never have a full and happy life with the people he chose to place within it. In short, he would never have the life I was being offered by second chance. I was offered the chance at a new life by Professor McGonagall, the chance to finish my education so that I might somehow play my part in this war as I was expected, the chance to have some bit of normality within my life when everything else seemed to be worthy of an absolute nightmare.

"No… We cant Granger. I'm not going to let you be put in that sort of risk for me." He replied shortly.

"Don't you get it? I may as bloody well be a Death Eater, because if they find me living here under this form of protection I'm going to be no better off than you! I have nothing at all to lose so why shouldn't I help you when you've already helped me?" I asked.

"I'm not worth you dying for!" He cried suddenly.

"Draco your worth dying for…" I replied in a whisper before I could stop it.

"No I'm not." He replied the pain ringing through his words with such clarity. "I don't want to see you hurt because of my mistakes, enough pain and death has been caused on my behalf already!"

I paused; I was rendered utterly speechless by his words. Was Draco actually remorseful for everything he had done the previous year? The poisonings, the cursing and the murder committed on his behalf – He may actually feel some sort of remorse for these actions. He was such a complex person, in some ways he seemed arrogant and selfish, unable to think of anyone but himself and his own wellbeing. But then now, he seemed almost _human. _As if the mask he wore to impress others had finally fallen to the ground revealing the person he truly was._ Could this be an unguarded Draco Malfoy? _I asked myself. _A Draco Malfoy actually capable of caring about someone else? _As much as I had my doubts I wanted to believe nothing more. I honestly wanted to believe that he was capable of change, that he could actually for once think of others feelings before his own.

"Granger you mean far too much to loose." He whispered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I cried.

"As much as you deny it, you were destined for greatness. Helping me will destroy everything! _Everything! _Hermione, don't you get it?" He whispered desperately.

I thought for a moment, none of this seemed to be making much sense to me. "No I don't and if your not going to accept my help stop wasting my time." I hissed storming away from him.

"I just don't want to see you hurt!" He called after me; I could hear his footsteps running towards me.

"Don't you think it's a little bit late for that?" I called back.

I felt his hand grasp mine, pulling me backwards. He slowly spun me around to face him, my wand dropped to the floor the light it was emitting being reduced to a mere flickering. I watched our shadows being cast upon the wall; he was standing so close to me our bodies were almost pressed together. Why had he had such a sudden change of heart? I couldn't understand why a person could be something so terrible one minute and someone so human the next. As though he had two personalities, the arrogant prat and the sensitive, sad Draco but slowly I'd watched as these two personalities had combined and the half I despised had vanished. After all that had happened tonight, all that I had discovered, nothing would have ever prepared me for what he was about to say to me, words I never thought I would hear Draco Malfoy whisper to me. Words that caused me to change everything I had ever thought possible.

"Don't you get it Hermione?" He asked staring into my eyes. "_I think I love you…"_

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Mother, and the countless others who helped me discover who I am. For that I am grateful._

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**Author's Note: **_I wanted this chapter to be one of the powerful chapters of the entire story; I hope I achieved it, this is the second last chapter update before NaNo WriMo begins! Next Chapter: When Was The Last Time You Gazed?_

_Please Review._


	18. When Was The Last Time You Gazed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Eighteen: When Was The Last Time You Gazed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really... "Do the stars gaze back?" Now that's a question."_

* * *

"_What?" _I whispered back in a state of pure confusion.

Had he really just said those words? _'I think I love you…'_ Or had it been my evidentially overactive imagination inventing fantasy people again? However this time it was inventing words that I perhaps wished I would hear. But were really what I wanted to hear, only hours ago had I rejected someone else; how could I even be considering that Draco Malfoy may have some form of interest in me? As much as I didn't want him to have said the words my heart yearned for them, as though they were the words I secretly wished he would whisper to me from the day I met him. Words that could spell the end of my long kept and returned feelings for Ron. Did I want to throw all that away on a mere whim? I bit my trembling lip gazing upwards into his blue-grey eyes his platinum-blonde hair fell carelessly in front of them. I carefully reached up and slowly wiped the stray hair back behind his ear.

"I said _'I think I love you…'_" He said again taking my hands. "It doesn't have to mean anything unless you want it to."

"I think want it to, I'm not sure…" I replied suddenly.

He released my hands and I placed them to my mouth, unsure what to do or say. _Why now? _I asked myself. _Why did he have to tell me so soon after I said no to Neville? _It suddenly dawned upon me – a moment of realisation that brought everything I'd been denying and had felt confused about finally made sense. He had been afraid what I would think of him. What his already distanced friends would think of him holding feelings for a member of Gryffindor, let alone a Muggleborn, which was bound to be at least five times worse in their Pureblood blinded eyes. Perhaps that's why he had been digging away at the Dark Mark upon his skin so that perhaps I would accept him, or was it for another reason entirely? Was it to lull me into a false sense of security – to trick me into falling in love with him so he could destroy me entirely?

"You think?" He asked.

"I'm not sure it's wise of me to fall for someone right now, no matter how much I want to."

"Don't worry; I'll be right there to catch you…" He replied taking my hands.

"Will you?" I asked seriously.

"I won't ever let you fall…" He replied.

He pulled me closer towards him; I felt my body pressed against his. This would be entirely awkward if we were caught by a patrolling teacher, but at the same time it was the most romantic moment I had ever experienced. This topped even Neville's orchid, although this moment wasn't perfect the tension and heat of the moment sense were there bubbling away beneath the surface. It was one of those moments that could barely be any better if you tried, particularly if it had been planned. Draco was entirely different to Neville the way he held me close to him said _'more than friends'_, Neville's embrace said _'friends'_. For that reason it was rather obvious why there was no real competition in my mind between the two moments. The only question left was – _Was I ready to fall? _Was I really ready to throw away my feelings for Ron and accept that that relationship was never meant to be, and accept Draco?

I placed my head upon his chest and attempted to come to terms with everything that had just happened. Not even ten hours ago I rejected Neville's date request, I went straight to bed and woke up to a flickering light in a corridor I could see from my window. I wandered down here secretly hoping to find Draco – that of which I did. I soon discovered that he had been attempting to disfigure his Dark Mark as he no longer wished to be a Death Eater, and if all that was not enough he confessed that he might _love _me._ How on earth was I supposed to give an answer to him after hearing all that?_ What had I gotten myself into this time. It seemed as though trouble had finally found me, it wasn't overly difficult to do so apparently and more even concerning was the fact that you didn't need Harry Potter's presence to cause it!

"Draco listen…" I whispered pulling away from him. "I'm not one hundred percent sure about this..."

"About what?" He asked. "It's not like I was asking you to marry me or anything serious like that Hermione. I just wanted to know if you returned my feelings."

"I think… I think I… do… but… there's just so many…"

"Problems?" He asked seriously. "I understand that. Look at me, the sole heir to a family of Death Eaters. I'm now a walking target for Death Eaters, who might I add want to kill me for both betrayal and abandonment of duty, I have feelings for a Muggleborn and to top it off I'm in Slytherin with the biggest bunch of Muggle hating, dark arts loving people you will ever meet. What more could go wrong with my life let alone yours?"

"I had to put a memory charm on my parents, I convinced them that their life ambition was to move to Australia, I handed them the tickets and put them in a taxi, as they drove away my Mum yelled out 'Goodbye Hermione' to me. She shouldn't have been able to remember who I was. Let alone what I looked like. I then attended Ron's brothers wedding which was crashed by Death Eaters and Harry and Ron vanished from sight leaving me entirely alone to attend school. I get here only to discover the only reason I was given a place was due to a lie. I've been struggling all year to come to terms with being alone and I've had to put everything I'd been planning for on hold because of someone else's choices. I've had to deal with being tortured for standing up for another student, being taunted by second years, being asked out by one of my close friends and now this!" I cried.

"Doesn't sound like your year didn't start off as well as it should have I admit." He said pressing his lips to my ear. "But you know, it could get better."

"Don't tempt me please… It's hard enough to decide already."

"Perhaps this will help you decide…" He said gently pulling me towards him pressing his lips so gently to mine.

"_Oh!"_ I exclaimed stepping backwards his lips still pressed ever so gently to mine.

I felt my hands press against the cold, stone corridor walls. I slowly moved them back down to my sides surprised they were not clenched, but relaxed. My eyes were still closed yet I dared to take a peek at his face, his eyes too were closed. I slowly closed my eyes again and allowed my hands leave my sides and slide gently up his back. I felt his hands move ever so softly along my back before finding their way into my messy hair. Within seconds I found myself kissing him back, as though every cell in my body was screaming at me to get as close to him as I possibly could. I felt his warm hands slide slowly beneath my shirt resting comfortably on the small of my back. I could only imagine how terrible this would look if we were caught making out in a corridor in the wee hours of the morning. I felt his tongue brush ever so lightly along my lips leaving behind a tingling sensation.

I slowly pulled myself away from the wall dragging him back away from the view of any windows, the last thing we needed was for someone to see us behaving in such a way in the school corridors, behaviour I would have gladly punished anyone for on any other given day. Yet this felt so different to anything I had ever experienced, Draco was so much different to how I had ever imagined him. He was gentle yet at the same time passionate unlike Viktor, who was almost quite the opposite. Yet I could tell that part of me wanted nothing more than to be doing this, despite how against the rules it was. _It felt so right._ I felt his grasp tighter in my hair, I realised I had left my wand meters away on the floor yet I did not care. He slowly pulled us back into a wall where after what seemed like several minutes alter he pulled away for breath.

"_Does that convince you_?" He whispered in my ear.

"Perhaps… Give me some time…" I whispered stepping away from him.

"Don't go…" He whispered.

"I have to; someone will notice I'm gone…" I replied.

"Oh…" He responded sadly.

"How about I meet you tomorrow night… Well tonight really." I whispered. "Same place same time..."

"Sounds perfect to me." He said pressing his lips to mine once again.

"Then I look forward to it. Until tomorrow. Adieu." I laughed gathering my wand and walking back towards the Common Room in a happier mood than I had been in since I could remember.

* * *

It was difficult to make my way back into the Common Room without making a sound, it was still rather early and the first rays of light had yet to break across the horizon, I glanced out the window before consulting my watch which told me I had approximately an hour before day break. I decided it was best to prepare for the day, I gathered my robes and toiletries and walked to the Prefect's bathroom, where I could relax in the large oversized bath filled with yellow and purple foam and bubbles - an experience that very few at Hogwarts have the right to. I spent the better part of the next two hours lying in the highly perfumed water. Eventually I decided it would be best to move from the Bathroom considering others would be wanting it within minutes. I quickly dressed, pulling on my robes and walking from the bathroom running head on into Draco at the door.

"Morning Granger." He said with a smile.

"Malfoy." I said as greeting, as I walked passed him I glanced back over my shoulder and he was beaming at me I smiled at him quickly before walking away to prepare for Potions.

Part of me knew that I shouldn't go back tonight, was I not waiting for Ron to return? Yet the larger part, most likely the one controlled primarily by my heart was screaming at me to go back and that if I didn't I would regret it for the rest of my sad, lonely, miserable life. So it was fairly easy to weigh up which option I wanted more. But was I truly ready to admit that I had feelings for him in return. I knew deep down there was something, a strange feeling that I did actually return those feelings, that perhaps they weren't a mere dream. I was seriously entertaining the idea of dating Draco Malfoy in my mind as odd as it sounds, but for the first time in my life I felt that feeling one would guess to be a sign that it could be _'right'_ even. So for now, I was content, to sit and gaze into his grey-blue eyes from across the room; and perhaps if I played my cards right I might be happy for the first time in a long time.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My beautiful friends, who are there for me at the times when I need them more than ever._

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**Author's Note: **_Alas, this is my last update before NaNo WriMo begins and during the month of November I cannot guarantee any chapters, but I will attempt to write a chapter if not two if I finish early. Which I am aiming for, so in the mean time please leave a review which really is the only way I can see what you think of a chapter and it lets me know you've passed by recently. So I hope to hear from you soon!_

_Until next time,_

_x Shadow._


	19. When Was The Last Time You Blushed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Nineteen: When Was The Last Time You Blushed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_We never forget those who make us blush." _

* * *

"Have you made a decision?" He asked lightly his breath tickling my ear gently.

"I'm not sure… I feel so confused." I reply, my thoughts extending back to the night before the kiss that seemed to have changed everything about how I felt about him.

"I understand…" He replied wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"I'm so selfish…" I whisper understanding fully what I had just said meant, to me it seemed to say that I wanted to be with him, but at the same time I saw the reasons as to why we could not be happily together.

The thing was, I'd never felt this way about another, only Ron. At times how I felt like screaming at Ron, to tell him I was here, that I _loved _him, yet he never seemed to see me. He always seemed be looking the other way when I was pouring my heart out to him, and it made it seem as though I always seemed to be pouring my heart out to a solid brick wall. He _never _noticed anything, the way I smiled at him, the way I always listened to his problems. Yet he never noticed anything about me, he didn't notice how I made an effort to wear something nice when we were going to Hogsmeade or how I try so hard to make him see me for anything but a know-it-all. He eventually confessed that he returned my feelings but he could do nothing to prove it to me, he left me behind, alone. How did that prove how he felt? By leaving me for dead at his Brother's wedding.

"You're not selfish you just can't decide. That doesn't make you a bad person." He whispered.

"But I can't decide because… because of something Ron said to me." I admitted turning my gaze to the floor.

"You can't decide how you feel about me because of something your friend told you?" He asked clarifying exactly what I had just said.

"He said he loved me. For such a long time I hoped that he'd return my feelings but he never seemed to notice, not in the way you did. Now I'm not sure whether it's worth waiting for the one thing I've waiting for all these years, as opposed to what my heart is telling me to do now. Because I can't hold onto a dream forever and I know that. I just don't know whether when he gets back it will be entirely different and I'm not sure wether he's going to feel the same way when he returns."

"Why don't you just follow your heart?" He asked walking around me lifting my face from the ground gently.

"Because what if it's wrong? What if I make the wrong choice?"

"Everyone makes mistakes, some more regrettable than others, but the thing is, I may not be as smart as you but I know that we all need mistakes. Hermione, we learn from them. It's what makes us better people. We learn how to avoid making the same mistakes again, sometimes we make them over and over again but when we learn how to avoid it when the time comes we are so much wiser about how we act. We learn from what mistakes in the past and we learn how to turn them into opportunities. Why won't you give yourself that chance?" He asked taking my hand.

"I want to but I can't. No matter how much you try to persuade me." I reply quietly.

There was truth in his words, the cold, harsh and soul crushing truth. As much I hated to admit it to myself he was right. He was saying unless I took the chance I'd never know how this could work out. I may find if I wait I may have waited in vain. I may have simply misheard those words; I may be living on a false hope. Something that after all that time I wished I had heard. I was waiting for something that may _never _happen. I was waiting for a relationship that may not even make it to the next stage, so much so that I was willing to throw away yet another option for another relationship that had every chance of working, but this one carried more weight than the other, Neville seemed to be offering more friendship in a relationship, Draco was offering a chance to be loved and loved back so perfectly how could I say no?

But I felt a strange fear within me. There were so many reasons that made Draco an unsuitable person to enter into a relationship with, the first being our previous tendency to not be able to get along in public. Was there realistically any way one can go from being a know-it-all Mudblood in the eyes of Draco Malfoy to being someone he could potentially love? It just seemed so very unrealistic and unpredicted. There was nothing so easy about this relationship; he was already struggling to fit in, what would happen to him and I if I said yes? Would we both be made outcasts within the school we promised to protect as Head Boy and Girl. Although it is accepted that the Head Boy and Girl on numerous occasions have fallen in love and made a life together outside the school, that just did not seem feasible in this situation.

I could never see myself being with Draco, never had I imagined it, never did I think I would. However there were so many complications, how would I even consider telling anyone and more to the point what would I do if Harry or Ron heard word of what I was doing in their absence. There were so many reasons to say no but I _wanted _more than _anything _else that I had wanted while at school this year to say yes, even more than receiving a letter from Ron and Harry, even more than seeing the strange vision of them once again. I had not wanted anything this much since the day I realised I wanted Ron to look at me the way I looked at him. At this point in time there was nothing I wanted more than for Draco to hold me in his arms and kiss me like he did last night.

"Why can't you let go for once in your life and stop trying to be the perfect girl who pleases everyone? Why can't just be yourself for once and do something you want?" He asked looking at me desperately.

"Because I'll end up hurting everyone and myself. If I follow my heart and be who I am how am I ever going to live up to the expectations people have of me. Draco, I don't know if you know what it's like to feel the weight of the world upon you like I am. I don't know if anyone understands but I know that sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to achieve the more important things in the end." I reply.

"Why are you so worried about hurting everyone? Why don't you do something for yourself and be happy for once?"

"Because sometimes there are plans in motion that we didn't even know we were a part of until it was too late. Sometimes we give up the things we want most to set ourselves free."

He paused. "Is that the way you intend to live your life? Throwing everything away so that you can't hurt anyone when destiny throws itself at you? Because that isn't brave or courageous Hermione, it's the weak way out. It's the way the weak live, it's not living freely, it's living in fear and there is no reason why you should." He said to me finally.

"Draco, I just can't alright." I whispered walking backwards. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a terrible person."

"Being scared doesn't make you a terrible person. It makes you human, why do you have to fear everything and how it will turn out if you don't let yourself live?"

"It just seems that all my life, someone has had a plan for me. Someone's always wanted me to do something and in the end it looks like my role in this war is jump in when it matters most. Until then I need to remain alive so that I can see my purpose. Draco, you don't understand what sort of pressure that is on me." I whispered.

"I was given as mission by Lord Voldemort last year. I was told if I failed he would kill my family, my friends and then he would hunt me down and kill me. Have you ever felt that sort of pressure Hermione? Because if you have Hermione then I understand how you feel, how failure scares you anything else. But if you haven't Hermione I don't care. Because I know your smart enough to understand. I don't care if you throw me away when the moment seems right. I don't care when this is all over you throw me away because Ron Weasley decides that he loves you suddenly and you love him back. _I don't care._ I just want the chance to be a part of you life for now and for you to be part of mine. Don't you want that?"

I blushed, it was indeed what I wanted but it was so difficult to open my mouth and say something, anything would have been appropriate at a moment like this, yet my lips stayed sealed. Unopened. Glued. I was a prisoner to my own thoughts, thoughts I could not even express for I could not speak. I looked at him, merely visible in the dim light. I took a step backwards again, turning to face the empty hallway before me.

"I'm sorry Draco. I just can't." I replied finally finding my voice after what seemed like minutes of not being able to speak.

"You can, why don't you try!" He begged.

"Draco, please. Don't make this any harder than it already is." I cried.

"Is this the way you want it?" He asked.

"N…Yes…" I replied reluctantly.

"Then I guess I have nothing more to say." He said his footsteps echoing away from me, leaving me standing entirely alone in the corridor.

When I had heard his footsteps fade entirely I sunk to my knees slowly, my wand dropping to the ground the light it was emitting flickering until finally dying. In the darkness I curled into a ball against the nearest wall. The breaths that escaped my lips came out in stammers, followed by a whimper. I felt so alone, and so terrible. I had been such a terrible person towards him, it felt like I had used him for a few moments of normality before tossing him aside. I looked out the large window at the large full moon gracing the night sky and let the tears fall from my eyes. I was tired of fighting everything, I was tired of being thrown into situations I could not predict and mostly I was tired of not being able to live a normal life because of everything that was happening.

I was so tired of hiding, of pretending to be someone I was not. I felt that hiding did not suit me, I wanted to be able to be proud of who I was in the open once again. I did not like pretending to be a half blood when too many people knew the truth. The world I loved had changed into something I no longer recognised. Something I no longer wished to be part of every minute of the day. I wanted to be able to run and hide, to pretend I was someone else for a day. I watched the sun rise slowly over the ground before sneaking back into the dormitory, glad that the weekend was finally here. I crawled into my bed as the sun sent the first rays of light streaming through the large windows and begun to cry once again that I had been so foolish. Thinking over and over again of the moment he had caused me to blush, wishing I had made a very different choice.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much – Happy Birthday! I hope that you enjoy this and my other special writing piece you'll be receiving soon!_

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**Author's Note: **_What can I say? I'm addicted to writing, yes I officially finished my NaNo WriMo Project, so I kept my promise. Yes I did upload a chapter, I don't know how that happened but it did and I am over the moon that it did, it eases my guilt slightly. So review and enjoy and hopefully I might be back on track next week._


	20. When Was The Last Time You Stopped?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty: When Was The Last Time You Stopped?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Never stop believing in dreaming, and never stop dreaming of believing. That is what gives us hope, and keeps us alive."_

* * *

The world seemed so very different from this perspective, lying in bed gazing up upon the stone roof. It seemed so very far away from where I really was. My tears had dried up hours ago yet I still lay here, motionless and crying inside. _What had I done to myself? _I had caused so much more pain than I could have ever imagined possible. The choices I'd made would probably haunt me for the rest of my life, never in a good way, just merely the ghost of a life I could have lived yet never chose. I hugged my chest and prayed that night would fall that I might actually survive a day of this pain, yet it seemed to be taking longer than I had hoped, the pain only worsened as I lay there. It did not dull, or tread lightly around the more sensitive thoughts in my mind, if anything it intensified them making the pain all too much to bare.

I closed my eyes and imagined life if I had have taken Draco's offer, life would never have been easy, but it would have been worth living for. It would have been a life I was happy with, yet at times I would dislike the whispering and talking of other students, yet he would have been there to help me, he would have made it easier. _Why was I waiting for Ron? _I thought sitting up suddenly opening my eyes, it was dark, almost as though I had blinked and the word had shifted completely while I did so. I turned and looked out the window, night had fallen hours ago and yet I had not noticed, time had slipped by me as though I had become something hardly worth noticing and it had just abandoned me. Like it seemed to be with many other aspects of my life these days/

I slowly placed my feet upon the cold ground, and wandered over to my trunk. I was still wearing the clothes I had been yesterday, I grabbed a few items and wandered down to the Prefects bathroom slowly and quietly to avoid being seen. After whispering the password I walked slowly into the room locking the door behind me. I slowly turned all the taps on experimenting with every sort of mixture that the room had to offer, the result was a highly fragranced, strangely coloured, swimming pool sized bath just for me. I dragged off my clothes and submerged myself in the warm water, I could feel the salt that had been clinging to my face all day slowly sliding away, leaving my skin feeling alive. The fragrance of the water no longer seemed to bother me, in fact it seemed to be soothing the headache I had induced upon myself.

After what seemed like an eternity I dragged myself out of the water and pulled my clothing on. In some ways I felt better, as though a relaxing bath had made all the difference in the world, yet in others it only brought me back to the reality of what I had done. Being alone had given me time to think, time to breath, all without the constant worry of having other people looking at me or whispering from the other side of the room. I had heard Lavender and Parvarti whispering about me and what might have caused this, Lavender had mentioned that perhaps I had heard from Ron and something bad may have happened. I did not bother correcting them, I just lay there listening, waiting, and hoping that things would feel somewhat better in the next hour. Yet it never did.

I walked over to the door grabbing my clothes from the small pile I had left beside the bath and discarded my towel in the laundry basket. I could still smell the scented aroma of lavender and peaches upon my skin, which now were clearly recognisable once away from the almost overpowering aromas of the bath. I walked slowly back to the Common Room, taking the long way which led along the corridor I had encountered Draco within last night. I pulled myself carefully onto the window ledge he was sitting upon and gazed out upon the school grounds. He had found one of the most truly magnificent places in the school, from this point you could even see Hogsmeade, which astounded me. _Why had I never seen this place before? _Never a day went by that Hogwarts did not reveal some secret to a student, yet this was one that barely any would stop and notice for themselves.

Dawn broke upon the horizon, filling the grounds with an unnatural and almost pleasant warmth before slowly vanishing behind the dark clouds that seemed to always cover the castle. I got to my feet and begun the solitary walk back to the Common Room, as I walked forward to announce the password the portrait swung upon and Neville came bursting out already puffed as though he had been running about looking for someone. He breathed a huge sigh a relief and grabbed his chest handing out a large scroll to me. I took it and examined it within my hands.

"What is this?" I asked quietly gazing upon the unfamiliar seal.

"It's from the headmaster… I've been looking for you for almost an hour!" He cried. "Professor McGonagall told me it was urgent that you received this letter and followed the instructions given to you."

"What?" I whispered to myself breaking the seal and opening the scroll.

_Miss Granger,_

_It is of the utmost importance that you attend a brief meeting with Professor McGonagall and I at eleven am sharp in her office. We ask that you bring the scroll which she has entrusted to you and that you be prompt. _

_Yours sincerely,_

_Professor Severus Snape - Headmaster Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

"How strange…" I whispered dropping the letter upon the floor, the sudden realisation of what this meant dawning upon me.

"What's wrong?" Neville asked.

"They know." I whispered placing my hand on my lips. "They know I'm Muggleborn."

He looked at me, the expression upon his face fell leaving only worry and fear in his eyes. I felt my hand shaking uncontrollably, as though they was nothing else I could feel except this unnatural fear, fear which blotted out even the worst of memories I was feeling. I felt sick to my stomach, as though I was about to be sick. The same though kept repeating continuously within my mind, as though it were almost imprinting permanently. _What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? _It was all I could hear, not even the words Neville spoke were reaching me, I could see his lips moving yet I was hearing no sound. It seemed as though everything was happing in extreme slow motion. I could see everything around me slowing down, the students leaving the Common Room for breakfast seemed to be walking in slow motion. Neville's movements became even slower.

_Is this the feeling you get as the world ends? _I thought to myself. _Is this it? The last chance you have to say goodbye, the last chance you have to run and hide. Is that why everything slows down? _I stood there motionlessly as though I could not move, the world seemed to be collapsing around me, leaving nothing left but a pile of unrecognisable rubble. The rubble of my once life. I took in a huge breath before walking towards the portrait. I glanced back at Neville there was a look of confusion and worry in his eyes, it had replaced the fear. Somewhere there I could see hope, I could see a glimmer of something that make my spirits soar.

"It's going to be okay. I know it is." I whispered turning back to face The Fat Lady.

"Powdered Dragon's Claw." I said shakily to her.

"Correct my dear." She said boomingly swinging open to allow me entrance to the Common Room.

I walked in an almost dazed state back to the Girls Dormitory. It seemed to me as though when one part of my life came crashing down it brought every other aspect with it. Leaving nothing by a mess for myself and everyone around me to clean up. I looked at my watch, it was nearly nine o'clock already and I still had to finish some homework. I quickly pulled out my Astronomy homework and begun carefully filling in the lunar chart we were required to complete before next lesson. Which proved a healthy distraction to the goings on of the world around me, its difficulty and desire for exact calculations allowed me to rid myself of all the worries that seemed to I had seemed to drag down upon myself in the last twenty four hours. Surprisingly it was easier to concentrate on Astronomy homework than it was to think about my own concerns and fears. Almost two hours later I completed the chart which would be ready to hand in at the next lesson. I grabbed the scroll from within my trunk and begun the short journey to Professor McGonagall's office.

I knocked upon the door and it was swiftly opened by Professor McGonagall who directed me to a seat on the opposite side of her desk. She too took a seat, however it was next to me. I assumed this was to allow Snape to take her usually seat as he was Headmaster and she was a teacher. We waiting in silence for what seemed like hours before the door finally swung open and Snape swooped in as he usually would, his black robes fluttering behind him. My immediate reaction was a single thought; _What a hypocrite! He had told me to be on time but he was almost fifteen minutes late! _He took his seat as though he were on time, neither I nor Professor McGonagall dared to comment on this. We all sat in silence until he finally drew a scroll from within his robes.

"Miss Granger earlier this morning I received a letter requesting that you be sent to the Ministry of Magic to attend a hearing in front of the Muggleborn Registry Commission. It has also stated that you may be accompanied by an adult, in which case Professor McGonagall has kindly agreed to. I was rather shocked to read that you have ignored their summons in the past, choosing to prolong this simple process even further. Although I might add you are also in violation of the new decree regarding blood status I will not be questioning this matter at the present time." He said nasally, to both Professor McGonagall and I. "However, I do ask that you do not manage to make this any more difficult than already is and if you expulsion is required after the hearing please know that I will oblige."

"You can't I have nowhere else to go! Hogwarts is my home!" I cried. "I have done nothing wrong you can't expel me!"

"I do believe I have already explained you are in violation of the blood status decree. The Ministry at the current time is quite strong on the enforcement of this new rule. Therefore I do have grounds to expel you should the need arise."

"Hermione I know this is not an ideal situation. It's not an ideal situation for anyone to find themselves in, but trust me when I say this is a better outcome than most would receive." Professor McGonagall said lightly to me.

"I understand that but I do not wish to jeopardise my place here. I wish to complete my education."

"Be that as it may, you are just an underage Muggleborn witch, and in today's world that equates to the dirt on Pius Thicknesse's shoes. It is clear that you do not wish to leave the school however as I have clearly stated it is my job to serve the Ministry and if that means I must expel a student, so be it. I have much to do today and I apologise that I could not discuss this further, however I have important matter to see over as Headmaster." He said standing and swooping from the room in a similar fashion as to which he entered it.

"Did you tell him it was you?" I asked as soon as he closed the doors.

"Severus knows less than he would like to know. He does not even know what the scroll is for, I merely asked him if he could ask you to bring it. Not for any purpose in particularly really, but more as a warning for you. I knew you would understand the meaning of such a meeting if I informed you about needing the scroll." She added.

"I was slightly worried. I thought he knew about what you have done for me." I said quietly.

"You are far more important than I am in this war. I can handle myself." She said with a smile.

"Thanks Professor. When is the hearing?" I asked walking to the door.

"Next week. So be prepared to answer questions from that family tree." She said looking at me rather sadly.

"Don't worry Professor, I will be." I replied walking from the room.

It was time I faced the facts, I needed to stop what I was doing, I needed to stop feeling so sorry for myself and afraid and needed to become stronger. I needed to be strong. It was time I stopped regretting my mistakes and started living the future. It was time that I stopped thinking about Draco Malfoy and remembering the importance of my own survival. In general it's time I stopped acting like a child, and started acting more like an adult and it was going to start right now.

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**Dedicated To: **_My reviewers. _

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**Author's Note: **_It's the twentieth chapter! Whoo! Only eighty more to go! That seems to have flown by in an instant; I really cannot see where all that time has gone. Yet I don't regret a minute of it. The next chapter should be out in a couple of days so read and review, as of yesterday this became my most reviewed story, and I would like to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and enthusiasm!_


	21. When Was The Last Time You Yawned?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty One: When Was The Last Time You Yawned?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Life is too short, and the time we waste in yawning can never be regained."_

* * *

After an almost sleepless night I found myself walking towards the potions classroom, I'd yet to manage to speak to Draco; he remained silent around me as though nothing had happened. Even I could admit that there was at least something there and that ignoring it by ignoring each other was going to be the most unwise of all the choices we could make. He took his seat opposite Seamus and I in Potions, stubbornly glancing at a scorch mark upon the table as though there were nothing more interesting in the room. I looked at the swirling patterns being emitted from the small cauldron upon Professor Slughorn's desk; they seemed to be making familiar shapes, strange faces almost. I stood and slowly walked up to the cauldron to closer examine the swirling patterns which were mesmerising me, causing me to forget everything. I watched as the small orb-like shapes morphed and changed into the familiar faces of Harry and Ron.

Not a perfect replica of course however it was near close enough. I watched as the faces of my parents appeared and disappeared, followed closely by the face of Draco Malfoy, which instead of rising and vanishing remained floating just centimetres from my face. I reached out to touch the almost realistic looking image but watched in dismay as it passed straight through my hand vanishing to nothing. That was as close as I was going to be able to get to him now. I breathed in the familiar aroma of cherries and peppermint.

_"Desire of the Heart…" _I whispered to myself recognising the potion from the description given in the textbook.

"That is correct Miss. Granger! Ten point to Gryffindor!" Boomed Professor Slughorn, startling the class to life by appearing in the doorway suddenly.

I gasped as did the majority of the class, who were left either completely startled or grasping their chests in shock, desperately trying to restart their hearts. He walked forward brandishing a small bottle containing several unicorn hairs.

"Today we shall be attempting Desire of the Heart. Miss. Granger could you tell us what this potion actually does?" He asked taking his large comfortable seat at the front of the class.

"If you look carefully at the strange fog being emitted from the potions surface you'll notice images. These images show us what our hearts most desire is, alike the Mirror of Erised. However they don't show the future, it just shows us what we want more than anything in this world. No two people will ever see the exact same images, as you can probably guess this is due to the fact that the deepest desires of our heart are totally unique. So if I were to look into your potion I would not see your desires but my own. It smells thee same to all of us also, cherry and peppermint."

"Thank you Miss. Granger, take another five points for Gryffindor." He said standing and walking forward. "This is a complicated potion that will be required for your N.E.W.T.S, it has it's particular uses such as Miss. Granger has pointed out, but tends to be rather useless at anything else. However today you will also be using a rather new ingredient, Unicorn Tail Hairs. Now you are to be _extremely _careful with these, a centimetre too much could cause your entire potion to be ruined, therefore it is essential that you only used the amount described on page two hundred and three of your textbooks, you have seventy five minutes to complete this potion so hop to it!"

I almost ran to my seat, forgetting that I already had my cauldron set up, the only thing left to do was to find and prepare the many ingredients the potion required. I was first to the student store cupboard and first back, all fifteen of the ingredients minus the Unicorn Tail Hairs gathered in my arms. I carefully placed the other ingredients upon the table and grabbed my book and knife and walked to the front table where the Unicorn Tail Hairs lay waiting for us to use. I carefully measured the piece of hair I required against the marker in the textbook. I grasped the small shining thread within my hand and walked back to the table where I could admire it further. It glistened so perfectly in my hand, almost hard to imagine that one could even think of placing such a beautiful thread within a piece of wood.

I carefully began mixing the other ingredients, praying that I could see the strange faces once again. Almost two hours later I finally added the last ingredient, the Unicorn Hair. Immediately the potion turned a brilliant violet and the fumes begun to rise pleasantly. I stirred it thrice more as the book instructed, anti-clockwise and watched as soon as I had withdrawn my wand and hand the orbs appeared. They began slowly, as though almost hesitant but within minutes the cauldron almost seemed to be spewing out the orbs, many of which floated away, not changing just remaining as they were, however the only constants that I saw were Harry, Ron, Mum, Dad and Draco. Draco finally seemed to win against all the other desires of my heart being the only one I saw after a short period of time.

I knew this time not to touch any of the orbs and to just allow them to do as they pleased. I turned to see Seamus standing with his jaw agape, staring into the contents of my cauldron. He reached out to touch what ever it was he could see only to find that it disappeared within his hands. He gave me a shaky smile as though he lost something he did not wish to lose, however it was clear that my potion was going to be one of two upon the table of four that was actually going to work, Seamus's seemed to be spewing out a dark thick cloud of midnight blue smoke that caused your throat to tickle whenever you accidentally took a breath of it in and Ernie's seemed to have just failed to work entirely having given up long ago and cleared his cauldron. The only other potion upon the table that even seemed close to working was Draco's. He never spoke to any of us and kept his head down. It seemed as though his was going to be the only other successful potion on the table.

Almost ten minutes later Professor Slughorn begun his rounds carefully checking each potion for grading, examining and offering criticism when appropriate, as always he just looked sadly at Seamus, who had proved on several occasions that potions was just not his forte. I gave him an encouraging smile as Slughorn once again impressed upon him the importance of correct measurement and ingredients as well as following the instructions prescribed in the book. All of which he had failed to do which was clear on his face as he looked into his failed potion. Slughorn turned upon Ernie next who explained that he had failed to add the Essence of Dittany after stirring twelve times counter clockwise and four times clockwise. Slughorn commented that he be more careful next time to ensure he did not make the mistake again. It was then that he turned upon me.

He stood there rather strangely just staring into the fumes from the potion, evidentially able to see what he desired most. After several seconds he turned his gaze to me, "Wonderful, a perfect potion. Many could take your potion as an excellent example for what should have been done." He added on the side. "Take ten well deserved points for Gryffindor."

"Thank you Sir." I added bottling a small sample of the potion in a phial and pocketing it.

He did not notice this, nor had anyone else. Ernie and Seamus had turned their attention to Draco as Slughorn carefully watched his potion. He did not stand as long as he had with mine. He opened his mouth as though he were about to say something but closed it before he allowed himself to comment. After several moments of silence he finally spoke, as he did so he paced towards the front of the class.

"There is one more thing about this potion that some of you may have noticed." He said. "Would anyone care to tell me what that is?"

I raised my hand confidentially but unsure whether this was what he was actually asking.

"Yes Miss Granger." He said instantly.

"The potion maker leaves their imprint upon each potion they make, although most of the time it isn't noticeable, however Desire of the Heart is different, it leaves a visible trace of what the potion makers hearts desire may actually be, you may not be able to physically see it but in some potions you will not be able to see anything due to the fact that the potion maker had such a different hearts desire to yours that it just fails to work. For instance if your hearts desire was a golden necklace and you made this potion I would not be able to see my hearts desire within the fumes. Merely because an inanimate object is far too different to a human being for it to be able to visibly change within the fumes."

"Correct!" Slughorn boomed. "I personally was unable to see anything within ninety percent of the potions that were completed here today; however the select few who managed to be able to recreate my hearts desire have my thanks and congratulations. That concludes today's lesson, I would like you all to write an essay of the properties of Unicorn Tail Hair in potion making ready for handing in next lesson please, it need be no longer than a scroll. Good morning class."

"Good morning Professor." We all chorused in unison as he swept out of the room.

"How strange." Seamus noted. "That if our desires are different to that of another person we can't see them in our potions?"

"That's not entirely true." I pointed out. "If your desire is inanimate and mine is say a living being you would not be able to see anything, mainly due to the fact that it is outside the potions capabilities to change in substance entirely. When we make this potion we pour just a little of ourselves into it, we may not notice it but we do. That is the reason why it differs so greatly."

"That makes sense." He said emptying his cauldron.

Draco finished packing up and walked slowly from the room as if waiting for someone, but gave up walking off into the distance as the bell sounded. Ernie looked over at me after taking a quick glance around.

"When is the next meeting?" He asked.

"Soon I hope there has just been so much on that I haven't had a chance to organise anything, I'll be sure to let you all know when we decide a time." I said softly, remembering that I had completely forgotten Dumbledore's Army, and it would seem so had Neville, Ginny and Luna also. No-one had mentioned it.

"Alrighty then." Ernie said happily. "See you around Hermione."

"See you." I called as he walked out the door.

"Malfoy was acting strangely this lesson." Seamus noted as we walked from the room.

"What ever do you mean?" I asked. "I noticed nothing."

"He just stared at his potion for ages, he looked so lost, and strangely he looked rather human. It was actually rather frightening. It must have been something extremely important to him in his potion if he could stare at it for so long and not even notice that everyone was watching him." He said,

"I wasn't watching him." I pointed out; despite the fact I had seen him preparing his potion out of the corner of my eye.

"I know, are you alright Hermione?" He asked.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

"You're just looking so pale and thin, almost as though your not eating or sleeping." He noted.

"Don't worry, I'm just not sleeping that well. It's nothing I promise. It's happened before." I added to avoid more questions. "Don't worry about me."

"It's just I worry, what with Harry and Ron gone that you'll slowly lose the plot." He said with a shaky laugh.

"Don't worry about it." I said yawning. "It's nothing I promise, just a lack of sleep which is nothing major."

"If you're sure." He said. "Look I got to go to Divination; I'll see you later yeah?"

"Sure." I said pleasantly, walking down the corridor alone.

I stopped in a nearby bathroom, I had not noticed it before but I was more pale than usual, looking more thin and worried. My sleep had been so very troubled recently that it seemed to be catching up with me during the hours I was actually awake. I was so worried about the Hearing, Draco, Harry and Ron and among all this I had to manage to avoid detection from the Carrows, which was proving more and more difficult as the days past. Their lessons had become truly torturous; we had advanced to having to be able to perform the _Cruciatus Curse_ upon students who had in some way whether guilty or not earned themselves a detention. I was fortunate to have avoided actually having to do this yet, but the screams of the younger students haunted my sleep. Leaving me almost wishing that it was me instead of them so that they would not feel such pain. I was not sleeping, I could barely eat, I could barely breathe at times almost as though I was watching the world I called home fall apart piece by piece. I took one final glance in the mirror, yawned and walked down the stairs towards my Dark Arts class.

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**Dedicated To: **_Night Fox, I'm glad I had you there with me when I was scared witless after the movie._

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**Author's Note:** _I'm glad you've taken the time to read up to this point if you are reading this! Words cannot even begin to express my thanks! There are almost forty reviews for this Fic and I am absolutely beyond happiness! Let's try and make it to fifty! :D_

_x Shadow._


	22. When Was The Last Time You Protected?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Two: When Was The Last Time You Protected?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age." _

* * *

I awoke with a start, my shirt clinging to my skin covered in sweat, my breathing erratic and uncontrollable. I sat up quickly; I ran my fingers through my hair brushing it behind my ears once again. It was morning and light was clearly streaming into the dormitory. Lavender and Parvarti begun to stir at the sound of the bells ringing to signal morning, everyone seemed to be tired luckily it was Friday and rest would be possible on the weekend. For them at least, it was clear that they were not experiencing terrifying nightmares that had them afraid to close their eyes at night, nightmares of their friends being tortured mercilessly. It seemed almost weak that I was having these dreams, as though I was weak for even thinking about such terrible possibilities, yet it was happening. There was no denying that, with each night that passed I became more and more tired, more sleep deprived than the night before, sooner or later it would have to stop right?

I pulled on my robes and grabbed my books, walking towards the Great Hall for breakfast, it seemed as though my lack of sleep was slowly causing a lack in concentration, I failed to notice Neville attempting to speak to me and several failed attempts at having a conversation started with me by Ginny. Finally it became all too much for her and she ended up poking me quite roughly on the arm bringing me to life suddenly painfully causing me to cry out in shock, this also caused the attention of most of those present in the Great Hall to fall upon us. Ginny merely flicked her hair behind her shoulders and turned to face the Slytherin table and hissed at them that there were better things to be doing than staring at her while she wasn't looking. This caused an outbreak in snickering and embarrassment among the house tables and within seconds everyone was eating and talking as though nothing really had happened at all.

"Hermione what is wrong with you it's almost like someone's died and your mourning! What has happened to you?" She asked looking at me intensely.

I tried to turn my face so she could not see the lie within my eyes, "It's nothing I swear, just haven't slept properly in a couple of nights, just so much homework, I'm drowning in it all!" I joked, taking a bite out of a piece of toast.

"Hermione we both know that is not the case!" She hissed grabbing my arm. "Tell me! I'm your _best friend. _They don't lie to each other; it defeats the purpose of being best friends."

"Ginny, I'd tell you if something was wrong, and there isn't would you please just let it go?" I asked.

"No, I will most certainly not let it go until you tell me what ever the matter is. I can help you, please just tell me and don't even try to tell me that nothing is wrong! Have you looked at yourself lately? It almost looks like your falling apart!"

I noticed from the corner of my eye Draco entering the hall his long platinum falling in front of his eyes. I tried not to look directly at him, although I noticed his gaze wander near me, I looked down at the table. I had not noticed but Ginny had continued her speech and was only just beginning to skim over one of the few problems I faced. I grabbed a piece of toast from the centre of the table and begun munching away trying to hide the smile that was slowly breaking across my face. Ginny suddenly clapped in front of my face causing me to jump.

"Are you even listening to a word I'm saying?" She asked.

"I'm trying to eat breakfast Ginny!" I cried, "Can I not have a moment of peace?"

"Is there a guy?" She asked suddenly. "Is that what all of this is about? It seems pretty obvious I'm surprised I did not think of this before. Hermione if he doesn't love you for who you are it is not worth changing for him. Is that what all of this is about?" She asked.

"Please not here." I asked. "Now's not the time."

I watched as Draco came to a halt in front of the table, standing just a little to the right of my vision, I noticed the way green looked upon him, I'd never really noticed it before but green really suited his pale skin and blonde hair. It seemed like a perfect match for him. I could not believe I'd failed to notice it yet, he continued to walk down to the staff table where Professor Snape sat talking to him calmly. Ginny stopped talking for a moment beginning to slowly eat the food on her plate in front of her, I was at least grateful for the silence. I watched as Draco walked away from Snape and begun to approach the Slytherin table which lay directly behind us. Once he had vanished from sight I turned to face Ginny once again.

"It's nothing I swear, nothing I can't deal with anyway." I said with false confidence.

"Hermione, do you love him?" She asked.

"Who?" I choked.

"The guy, the one who's making you like this." She said pointing at me. "I'm just worried, it can't be worth it if your killing yourself over someone who can't even love you for the way you are. That is entirely pointless Hermione!"

"Who ever said I was in love? Who ever said I had some problem with a guy?" I snapped. "For your information, he's just a boy, nothing I haven't dealt with before; I would rather your nose in your own business thank you very much."

I gathered my bag in my arms slinging it over my shoulder before taking several steps away from her. I turned back to face her, her jaw was still agape and she had an expression of utmost horror upon her delicate face. "I don't _love_ him either." I said a tear in my eye as I turned to storm out of the Great Hall, not failing to notice the form of Draco Malfoy rushing past me suddenly – as if he had been standing there the _entire _time.

What had I done, had I lied to save myself the effort of having to actually tell someone else how I felt about him, had my words even hurt him at all? My heart was screaming at me to run after him, but I could not move. I was firmly planted to the spot staring as he almost ran from the hall. My brain told me that perhaps he had forgotten a book, but that did not seem like the likely explanation. No he had heard ever single word I had said, and he would now think of me as a liar, a user. A single sob broke free from my chest, followed by several tears which wasted no time in falling from my eyes. I'd thrown away the one thing I wanted more than anything else in this world by one stupid sentence I didn't even mean. A sentence I only said to get my best friend off my back about the entire situation, I knew she'd never understand. I knew that perhaps I didn't _love _him, but I certainly had _feelings_ for him.

I ran in the direction I had seen him stalk off in, hoping that he would somehow be waiting for me but only when I was clear of everyone's view. I looked around desperately looking for him, yet I could not see him anywhere, he was too far gone for me to even see among the waves of students heading towards the great hall. I noticed the cupboard he had dragged me into weeks ago and decided it would be worth a try. I wandered over to it and pulled it open clambering inside. I noticed a figure inside the second I had closed the door.

"It's you." He sneered, I recognised his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it I swear. She'd _never _understand. I could _never _tell her. Please you have to believe me!" I begged, the words coming out rahter differently than had sounded in my mind.

"Should I believe someone who so easily lies? For all I know that could be an apology that merely eases the guilt you feel! You may not even truly mean it."

"I promise I do mean it. I haven't had much experience in these sorts of matters; please you have to believe that I was merely protecting the both of us!" I cried, the tears streaming from my eyes. "Please, please forgive me!"

"What am I? Just a boy?" He asked. "Something that doesn't even matter to you anymore, something one day you'll wake up and realise that doesn't even matter to you anymore? I was going to wait for you Hermione, god I would have waited an eternity, but I can see that wait has been in vain."

"No! I never thought of you like that! I can't tell you how truly sorry I am! Please give me another chance. I swear I'll make it up to you."

"Is this you telling me you want to go out with me now?" He asked sarcastically.

"No, I just need time. I really like you. I might even love you. That's how big this is and I just don't want to rush this decision when it could change so much."

"How long do you expect me to wait Hermione?" He asked standing in front of me close enough that our bodies were pressed together. "Two years maybe three, because if you haven't noticed we don't have that. We don't have forever, you know it as well as I do that we both have knives dangling above our heads. Why is it so hard for you? It's no different for me, why can't you just give it a chance?"

"I want to, but I can't. I just can't not now." I whispered stepping away from him, backing into a wall.

"Why not?" He asked standing in front of me again.

"Because I haven't got much longer left. Draco, they're going to expel me if the Hearing doesn't go according to plan." I whispered, several more tears falling from my eyes. "I don't want to have to lose you as well…"

"You won't lose me, do you want me to prove it to you?" He asked.

"How could you possibly…" My words were silenced once again by his lips upon mine.

It felt the same as last time, electric and perfect. Yet this time it did not last, it was short and sweet yet I was left only wishing for more. I gazed into his grey-blue eyes sadly. "As much as I wish things are different they're not. I'm going to be without a home, without anything and I'm going to go out there and join Harry and Ron. I'm going to do my bit in this war and I don't want you waiting for something that might never happen. I don't want to put you through that. This is the last time you'll ever have to deal with this I assure you." I whispered grabbing the door handle. "You don't know how much I wish things were…_different. _Maybe then I could stay… Maybe I'd be able to…"

I slowly pushed open the door and walked out, running straight into Ginny. She looked at my eyes and immediately placed her hands over her mouth. Her happy expression dropped to a guilty one.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!" She cried hugging me tightly.

"It's alright, I was out of line anyway." I said hugging her back.

"Why won't you tell me who it is?" She asked. "What is it Draco Malfoy or something?" She said laughing loudly, Neville, Luna and Seamus joining in none of them aware as to how close to the truth they really were.

"No of course not." I laughed. "He's not that bad you know. He's actually rather nice you know once you get over the initial behaviour and arrogance."

"You're joking right?" Neville said.

I felt a sudden surge of sadness, I was protecting him out of instinct, and he was _worth _protecting. _How could I ever tell my friends about my feelings if this is how they regarded him? _Was I doomed to never be able to express how I felt about him? They were waiting for my reply as we walked along the corridor towards the Grand Staircase.

"I'm not joking; mind you I've spent more time with him in meetings than all of your put together!" I said laughing. "He's really not that bad, nothing I can't deal with anyway." I said with a smile.

"What were you doing in that broom cupboard?" Luna asked. "We're you looking to rid yourself of Wrackspurts, because there are more efficient methods than walking into dark rooms I can ensure you."

"Actually I was looking for something, I left my book on this floor and you know how things have a tendency of ending up in those broom cupboards?" I replied. "It wasn't there anyway; I might just check my trunk again."

We walked along the corridor together all the way to the Common Room, in some ways I felt guilty for lying, for betraying the trust of those who placed their trust in me. Yet at the same time I was protecting the one I cared about and myself. I would no longer be able to call them my friends if I told them. They would be unable to cope with such information I was sure of it. I didn't want to hurt them either. I was protecting everyone around me from myself, I wasn't going to let Draco near enough to me to get hurt, I wasn't going to let my friends get hurt because of how I felt about someone, and I wasn't going to hurt myself by letting myself feel something I could not control. I was going to protect myself and most importantly those I cared about. There was the potential to cause too much damage for my liking, and I felt safer in the knowledge that if I did leave suddenly I wouldn't leave such a large mess to be cleared up.

There are the secrets we protect with our hearts and the secrets we protect with our minds. I was protecting everyone with my heart, too scared, too worried and lastly too foolish to realise that sometimes the truth was the only thing that could set us free. I'd read about it countless times, yet I was not able live by this. I had to hide it all away; I had to have some form of security. I needed that one comfort if I couldn't have the others I so desperately craved. I needed a shield to protect myself when the hordes of oncoming enemies broke free and begun attacking me with all their might.

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**Dedicated To: **_My reviewers, words cannot express once again how much I appreciate you taking the time to read the Chapter, then to write a review, that email fills my day with happiness._

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**Author's Note: **_This chapter was particularly difficult to write basically because it's based on the fact that sometimes we don't tell people things to protect them, and that in itself is hard to write about. This is the point where the story really starts moving into the "blood status" plot, which of course would have been a major problem for Hermione had she been left behind. I'm really interested to see what you think of this one, rather nervous too. So please review I'm really keen to see what you thought!_


	23. When Was The Last Time You Were Confused

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Three: When Was The Last Time You Were Confused?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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_"Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood."_

* * *

I'd never felt such jealousy in my life, such pain, such remorse for myself. It seemed to be eating away at me like the buzzards do a carcass in the middle of a hot, dry desert and there was not a single thing I could do that could stop it. I watched as he pressed his lips to hers as though nothing between us had ever happened. Almost as though he was the one lying and pretending. I'd protected him, I'd defended him numerous times since that day my friends had joked about me having feelings for him. I'd defended him because it was the right thing to do, the only thing I could do and this is almost as good as throwing it back in my face. Although technically I knew he was throwing nothing in my face, and he was perfectly in his own rights to find someone who could be with him in the way I could not. _It still hurt though._

It was my fault that this had happened, I hadn't done anything and he had found someone else. I grasped my books to my chest trying to hold myself together. I quickly ran through the corridor glad that it was only a Sunday, and that I could run and hide without the interference of classes. I refused to let myself cry over something so stupid and trivial. Yet it still hurt as much as I told myself it didn't matter. At first I thought I was just hearing rumours that Astoria Greengrass was dating Draco Malfoy, but it had become far too clear that these were not mere rumours they were also the truth. He had so easily given up on me, yet for some reason despite this I was not able to give up on him.

I carefully placed my books into my trunk and sat on the edge of the bed and put my face into my hands. There was just too much confusion in the situation for my liking. I heard a soft tapping at the window and a large tawny owl brandishing a Slug Club invitation lay just on the outside of the window. I quickly opened the window and carefully took the letter from the beak of the large bird. I carefully took the small letter and sat back down upon my bed. The small bright purple letter looked quite formidable in my hands, like something I didn't really wish to open in the current climate, too bright, too cheerful for such dark times.

I carefully pried the letter open revealing the contents of the letter. The fancy writing and the bright, almost cheerful nature of the letter seemed too much for me. I read it twice over quickly trying to determine whether I really wanted to attend anything this evening. Although I needed a cheer up, perhaps this was the perfect event for such a time. I carefully wrote a reply stating that I would be attending and went to my trunk to find something suitable to wear. I could only find jeans and shirts that would not be nice enough for such an occasion, or dresses that seemed a little too formal.

I finally settled upon a dress, unable to decide that anything else looked half decent. It was a dark green shade, strapless and sat around my knees. It was tight around my chest and waist and spiralled out into a full skirt. A dark green ribbon tied up neatly behind my back when worn, the only thing left was a suitable hairstyle, I could not leave my hair thick, tangled and wild as I usually wore it. The dressed needed something a little nicer than what I usually wore. I walked over to the small bathroom to the left of our dormitory, I didn't usually use this bathroom, but I was hoping the bottles of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion I did not use still remained in there. After moving the other bottles of various potions I finally found three single bottles, all full. I hoped that they would do the job this time seeing as there was less there than what I might need.

I looked at the time there were precisely four hours until the party actually begun; I would need three hours before the party to ensure that the potion worked and that I'd put enough in my hair for it actually to remain straight. I walked out into the Common Room where Ginny was talking to Neville and Seamus, clearly they were discussing the party and who she was going to take. They looked up at me, I hadn't been crying so there was no possible reason they should be staring at me like they were. That's when I realised they wanted to know who I was going to take to the party. I guessed they were perhaps trying to guess whether I would be taking this '_mystery guy' _or no-one.

"Hey guys." I called as I walked up to them.

"Hey," Ginny replied, "going to Slughorn's party?"

"Yes, I just got the invitation. Are you going?" I asked.

"Yep, taking Neville – as friends of course." She replied. "Who are you going to take?"

"Seamus, do you want to go? As friends I mean. That's if you haven't got anything better to do, if you do I don't mind, I'll just take Luna or someone…" I blabbered, it sounded very different in my mind, it came out like the alphabet backwards instead of actual words.

"No, it's fine. I'll go." He said. "What do we have to wear?"

"I'm just wearing a dress. So I guess nothing too fancy. Do you all want to go hang out by the lake for an hour or so?" I asked.

"We have nothing better to do." Ginny replied leading the way. "You know you never did tell us who the _mystery guy _was. It's been what five days and you've kept that all to yourself."

"I intend to either. It doesn't matter anymore. I'd rather forget it all."

"If you say so." She said in a rather sing-song like fashion as we walked down the long corridor to the Grand Staircase.

It was nice to spend time away from everything, laughing and just talking about regular worries, homework, teachers and the Carrows. It seemed like a world so far away from the one I was living in it was almost shocking that I could participate so easily. Although it was clear they could tell something was bothering me, something was not entirely right. The cold winter wind had already began to cover the ground, the harsh cold of the winter months was only weeks away. I'd completely allowed the hearing to slip my mind.

"The hearing!" I cried bolting upright from my position leaning against a tree.

"What?" Ginny cried.

"It's _tonight_! I almost_ forgot!" _I cried my breathing picking up.

"It's alright…" Ginny cried hugging me. "Calm down… What hearing?"

"The hearing, the hearing in front of the Muggleborn Registration Commission. They requested a hearing through Snape and he agreed. He didn't do anything but to me that if they request my expulsion he'll allow it. He's not going to protect me, or hide me when I need it, I need to be ready to run, to fend for myself if things don't go according to plan. I haven't told you this because I didn't want you to worry, or to try and do anything. Because there is nothing we can do, there is nothing I could do to stop this. All I can do is hope that they fall for my story or are lenient and let me go. I don't know what I'm going to do, or what I'm going to do if I have to run, but I know I'm going to do my best to find Harry and Ron and to help them best I can. That's the plan that I've got. Because I'm a realist and it's not all going to go according to plan, I of all people know that. Just trust that I know what I'm doing and know I didn't tell you for the right sorts of reasons."

"You can't leave, they can't make you! You're smartest student here!" Ginny cried. "You're friends with Harry, they have to protect you!"

"Ginny they can't. The full force of the Ministry is behind the Commission and I'm so lucky that they haven't stormed in here and taken by force. Do you know how many people that has happened to? I've read about it in the Daily Prophet, and trust me; compared to those people I've been _really_ lucky. If don't come back tonight, I just want you to know that I'm grateful that I had you all with me, because without you I don't know what I would have done. I know for sure that I would given up a long time ago. I'm glad I can call you my friends." I whispered. "I have to go, maybe I'll be back in time for the party, I don't know."

Ginny hugged me tightly and whispered that if I didn't come back she would personally hunt me down and kill me herself, before she let me go. It was not everyday that one saw Ginny Weasley crying, today was another of those rare exceptions. I hugged both Neville and Seamus in turn before beginning my long walk back towards the castle. This could very well be my last day here, the place I had called home for almost seven years. In a way it was like saying goodbye to something that was about to be entirely destroyed, but I knew that Hogwarts would remain; despite everything it would only be inaccessible to those like me. I would never be able to return to the place I loved and called home. For the first time in my life I could be someone, the person I was without living in fear of being called a freak.

From a young age I knew I was different, I could do things that I couldn't explain. Things that only happened when I was frightened or sad, things I couldn't control or explain. These moments, these outbursts of magic which I couldn't control they are the reason I never fit in among the Muggles, the reason I never had any friends. My childhood was not as happy as it could have been, it was never a nice realisation knowing you didn't have any friends to come around to your birthday parties, or go to the park with. But Hogwarts changed that and for the first time I knew what it was like to have friends and now I had to look upon the place that had given so much to me, and know that I might never be able to come back; that maybe I would never even see it again.

I opened the doors quickly and strolled almost calmly into the Entrance Hall and up the staircase. It was almost comforting to know that I was not being dragged away against my will, that I could say goodbye to my home in a fitting and comforting way. I walked up to the Common Room and into the dormitory. I was going to put on the dress, I was going to do my hair – I was going to make it seem as though I would return, because with any form of luck I would return. Perhaps if I believed I could, perhaps if I stayed strong and believed that there was a chance maybe I would return, perhaps I would. If I held hope in my heart like everyone seemed to perhaps this once I would stand a chance. I glanced at my hair and dress in the mirror; it looked like I'd made some form of effort._ At least I would look nice for the hearing._ I thought.

"Oh Miss Granger don't you look lovely!" I heard the hurried voice of Professor McGonagall say. "I'm deeply sorry, I was unable to find you earlier, I received an urgent owl from the Ministry requesting that the hearing be postponed until next week, there was a small _issue_ at the Ministry earlier today and they are unable to proceed with the hearing. I'm sorry if you dressed up for this, I was unable to find you anywhere to tell you anywhere."

"Oh thank god!" I cried falling to my knees. "I'm actually grateful."

"I think we're all grateful Miss Granger, I think we all are." She said turning to walk out the door.

"Why did they postpone the hearing Professor?" I asked quietly.

She turned with a small smile upon her face, "Harry and Ron were there this morning, they caused quite a commotion before vanishing as those they were smoke. At least you know they're alive and well and that they managed to cause quite a bit of damage to both property and several Ministry officials."

"I am glad. It's almost nice to know that they're actually doing what they said they would. That they also alive not just hiding." I whispered.

"I think everyone who is hoping for an end to this war is, Miss Granger, I think we all are."

I smiled and grabbed the small silver bag I had for special occasions from within my trunk. I looked over at Professor McGonagall, "It's nice to see that you actually managed to continue on with life, I'm glad that you didn't spend forever dwelling on the past.

"Believe me Professor, so am I."

I shut my trunk and followed her from the room to where Ginny, Neville and Seamus stood waiting, it was clear that McGonagall had told them that I would actually be joining them. Ginny too wore a dress, a silver dress that sat a few inches above the knee and tied up in two bow above the shoulders. The silver colour of her dress matched her hair perfectly. Neville and Seamus wore simple black dress robes, nothing fancy, but nothing too simple. It must have been much easier to dress if you were a male. We walked down to the party together, all along the cold stone corridor a series of lanterns had been bewitched to float just above our heads.

We entered the office which was already alive with countless people moving about within, I noticed several students who were members of the club last year such as Cormac McLaggen, but I also noticed several new additions one being Astoria Greengrass, who had evidentially chosen to bring Draco. I looked away and followed Seamus over to where Slughorn stood to greet him. As always he introduced us to his guests, today it was Gwenog Jones, Captain of the Holyhead Harpies. She was pretty and extremely nice, and after quite a while struck up a long conversation with Ginny, becoming extremely interested in her Quidditch ability. I left the group talking and walked over to a corner with Seamus where we took a seat and begun talking.

"He's looking at you, did you know?" He whispered.

"Who?" I asked looking around.

"Draco, although one could hardly blame him. You do look ravishing this evening. Is that the guy, you know the one Ginny's always trying to guess who it is?"

I couldn't speak.

"I don't care you know. I'm your friend and if you like him for some reason I guess I can understand that. Me Mam' always used to say that we can't help who we fall in love with."

"It's complicated." I replied.

"I can see that." He laughed. "It must hurt seeing him with _her_."

"It's doesn't hurt that much," I replied truthfully. "it's more confusing than anything else."

I glanced over at him, he looked amazing tonight, his black dress robes matched well with his platinum blonde hair which in the interesting and colourful lighting. Astoria was pretty also, I could see why he would choose her, there was really nothing plain about her. I caught his eye as I glanced over at him, there was something there, something that showed the pain I had caused. I turned my face away, not wanting to see that in his eyes again. Not wanting to see the pain or confusion in his eyes, this most likely mirrored that of mine. As much as I had tried to avoid causing pain, it was clear that I'd caused it. I knew I couldn't speak to him, I couldn't apologise and that was the most confusing part of the entire situation.

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**Dedicated To: **_Recalcitrant, you're help and you're advice is much appreciated._

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**Author's Note: **_As you can see the times and dates of Ron and Harry's break in has changed, for one simple reason. Would they really have been able to do it so early if not for Hermione? I think not. As always read and review, I'll be particularly interested to see how you think events are unfolding._


	24. When Was The Last Time You Screamed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Four: When Was The Last Time You Screamed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Screaming is bad for the voice, but it's good for the heart." _

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October had brought an unnatural chill to the air of Hogwarts, the usual cold and dark clouds that hung over the school only allowed the wind to intensify the cold. Making it in some cases almost unbearable for those who decided to venture outside to spend some time by the lake or practice Quidditch. Many lessons usually conducted on the grounds or in the greenhouses were either moved inside or cancelled all together, several of the Quidditch teams had already admitted defeat against the unrelenting conditions deeming that they would rather not practice at all for their first matches than have to spend even more time outside. I had to agree with them, it was becoming particularly nasty out there, I could not even chance a visit to Hagrid's on most days the cold was that bad. Yet despite this it have yet to snow, it only rained every night, pelting down upon the roof of the castle.

When awake I liked to lie there pretending everything was going to be okay, that Harry and Ron were lying somewhere listening to the rain also. Sometimes when I felt so alone and afraid of what would happen to me I liked to pull out the _Desire of the Heart_ potion and open it allowing the fumes to slowly rise, carrying with them Harry, Ron, Mum, Dad and Draco. Tonight was yet another one of those nights that I lay there wishing things were different. Almost five days had passed since Slughorn's party, since Seamus discovered the truth and I told everyone about the hearing. Five days since I came clean about almost every aspect of my life I had been hiding. Yet this did not change anything, it may have lifted the weight upon my shoulders, eased the load slightly, yet it did not take away the problems themselves entirely.

I sat there on my bed looking at the ghostly form of Draco, wishing it was real and that I could tell him, tell him I was sorry. I heard someone walking over towards my bed and I looked up to see Lavender standing in front of me. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at the small phial her long blonde hair in a long plait.

"What's that?" She asked.

"It's a potion called _Desire of the Heart_. It shows us what our deepest desires are. Although you might not be able to see anything in my potion if yours if they're too different." I explained.

"Maybe I would ever see anything." She whispered. "Maybe because it will never happen I'll never be able to see it in one of these potions."

"Why is that?" I asked looking at her, the sadness and fear in her eyes was clear above all else.

"Have you ever wanted something so badly you would be willing to give anything for it, and when I say anything I mean even your life?" She asked. "Because that's how much I want this, and not being able to see it in this potion or ever in the crystal ball during Divination, no matter how much I search, makes me think that maybe it'll _never_ happen. That I'm wasting my time wishing it would all end. This war, all this death, destruction and hate, that it would all just stop. Am I really that stupid to wish for _that_?"

"Maybe the reason you can't see it is because what I want is to see my friends again, and what you want is something far greater and more amazing than that. What you want is something that would change the lives of everyone in this world for the better. How could you ever see something that great in the fumes of a potion, or in a crystal ball? I doubt either have the capacity to show anything that great. It's not stupid to wish for that either, Lavender. I wish for that every night before I go to sleep, and every morning when I wake up I pray that the new day has brought an end to this war. It's not stupid to want something like that, a world where you can watch your children grown up without fear and hatred. A world where you don't have to be afraid all the time. It's only normal."

"But it seems so impossible. Like it's never going to happen." She replied wrapping her arms around her knees.

"That's why we need to have hope. Hope and love are our greatest weapons in this war. The enemy doesn't have love or hope, all they have is darkness and hate. If we all work together, and believe there is a chance we can beat them - That we might actually even be able to end this war. There are people out there fighting day and night, rain, hail or shine to end this war. One day it'll be us defending those we love and for now it seems like we aren't doing anything, but if we have hope we are building strength. Perhaps that is all we need to end this war. That and Harry." I added on the end smiling.

"Do you really believe Harry is the Chosen One?" She asked softly.

"I don't just believe it, I know so." I replied confidentially. "I've seen enough to know that. He's so determined, and he knows what he's doing. He's going to beat Voldemort. I know it."

"You really think so?" She asked smiling.

"Yes. I really do, he's been my best friend for seven years and every time he does something we all see as brave and heroic, he does it for all the right reasons. He knows what he has to do, what's important and he's not going to let anything stand between him and Voldemort. I know that, because its well, it's in his nature to be that way."

"Thanks Hermione." Lavender whispered standing. "I might actually be able to sleep tonight."

"Haven't been sleeping either?" I asked.

"Not really." She replied almost worriedly. "I keep seeing things that I don't really want to see from the end of last year. All those bodies, I hear the screams of the frightened students every time I close my eyes. It doesn't sound that bad but it just seems bad."

"I know what you mean. It happens to me also." I replied placing the cork in the phial.

"I know, I hear you wake up sometimes. I also hear you mumbling in your sleep. You've seen worse than I have I understand why you would."

"We've all seen things we wish we never saw, but that's the way it is these days." I whispered. "Good night Lavender."

"Good night Hermione." She replied.

I closed my eyes, falling asleep almost instantly, and for the first night for as long as I could remember I didn't have a single nightmare, in fact I fell into an entirely dreamless sleep. Only to wake up more alive and alert than I had been in a long time. Being Saturday I could just lay there staring at the roof for a few silent moments as though everything was how it used to be. I got up and pulled on jeans, a tee-shirt and a jumper and walked out into the Common Room. Ginny and Neville were no-where in sight, only Seamus was in the Common Room, curled up in an armchair by the fire reading one of the textbooks.

I walked out and down towards the Great Hall, deciding that I was not particularly hungry this morning, despite my rather euphoric feeling something was bugging me, something just didn't seem right. For the first time in weeks I saw them, Harry and Ron. They were standing just in front of me, although the corridor was rather full of students, I was the only person who could see them let alone know to walk around them rather than through them. They looked like they were arguing about something. Ron was gesturing vaguely and pointing at the roof and Harry looked as though he was defending his actions. It was rather strange, usually the pair seemed rather peaceful when I saw them, however not this time, although it was comforting to know that not really much had changed between them.

I walked past them and they slowly followed me along the corridor and onto the school grounds. Where suddenly after a brief silence between the pair they vanished entirely, I knew this was quite strange and made a mental note to look this up before I left for the hearing tomorrow. For some reason I found myself walking to the Quidditch Pitch, which was entirely empty this early in the morning in such weather. I took a seat alone in the bleachers, looking at the place my friends played the sport they loved. It seemed rather odd that I sat here alone, or that I had even bothered coming here, but it seemed kind of homely after seeing them again. I watched as a small grey owl dipped from beneath the clouds and landed next to me a small piece of crumpled up parchment in it's beak addressed to me.

I watched as the owl soared off before even daring to open the letter, noticing Harry's handwriting immediately, I was also careful to check around to ensure that no-one had seen me receiving the letter in the first place. I carefully unfolded it, it was clear it was not an update or a comforting letter as Ron's had been, it was short and carried no greeting or signature. Only a warning.

'_Be careful.'_

_Who was he to tell me to be careful? _I found myself thinking suddenly. He was the one who decided to infiltrate the Ministry in broad daylight; he was the one who had made the headlines for almost three days after their little escapade. He wasn't being particularly careful, why was _he_ telling_ me_ to be? But then again he probably knew something I did not, he would have heard and seen things at the Ministry, things that I would not have seen or heard of. Perhaps there was a serious message behind his warning, a serious need for me to be particularly careful this week. It seemed rather strange that Harry and Ron had broken into the Ministry the day I had been scheduled to have my hearing, or perhaps it was just a strange coincidence. But the warning was worrying me the most, what could he had of possibly heard that would make him so worried for my safety that he would dare send a letter to me?

Slowly but surely I rose to my feet, feeling the loneliness building in my chest. I needed to release it. I threw my hands behind me, and arched my back backwards and opened my mouth and screamed. Screamed for the feelings I was experiencing, the problems we were facing and lastly I screamed for Draco, I screamed louder on each turn until finally there was nothing left to scream about, there was nothing left screaming to get free from within me. When I finished I opened my eyes again, my hair flying wildly around my face and sat back down the feelings of hate and fear in my chest gone and replaced by a strange almost content feeling. For once in a long time I was completely unafraid of what lay ahead.

"Feels good to get all that emotion off your chest doesn't it?" A voice asked from my right.

I jumped almost toppling backwards over the seat in front of me. Draco had suddenly appeared on the same seat as me about ten meters to my right.

"Yes it does, now if you'll excuse me I have some corridors to monitor." I said grabbing the letter, leaving him sitting entirely alone in the stadium.

_What had his words meant? _I asked myself, did he go to the Quidditch Pitch to sit and think? To release all the stress that he felt? There were times when Draco seemed so human and normal it was almost difficult to believe he was once a Death Eater, yet there were times when he could be unnecessarily cruel. He was such a mystery, which I always found myself coming back to in the end. It was not long before I found myself standing in the Dark Arts corridor several minutes later telling a group of third years off for attempting to put up a Portable Swap they must have brought from Fred and George. Luckily for me though they had evidentially not read the instructions and had failed to put the swap up at all. They had not technically done anything wrong yet; so feeling generous I simply gave them a warning and took ten house points from Hufflepuff before continuing on my way, feeling an awful lot better than I had done before I screamed.

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**Dedicated To: **_Off Dreaming – My most loyal reader and reviewer. _

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**Author's Note: **_One of my favourite themes of several great books including The Lord of the Ring's Trilogy, and often in Harry Potter is hope. Its one of those powerful, almost magical things that inspires me and it seemed only fitting that in the dark times of this story that the characters begin to build some form of hope. It is for that reason that it over time will become a major theme in this story. So as always read and review, let's see if we can make fifty reviews by chapter twenty five!_

_My song of the chapter was: __**According to You **__by Orianthi._


	25. When Was The Last Time You Obeyed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Five: When Was The Last Time You Obeyed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Telling us to obey instinct is like telling us to obey "people." People say different things: so do instincts. Our instincts are at war.... Each instinct, if you listen to it, will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest....__"_

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My nerves were on edge, the hearing was only hours away. I lay awake in bed for hours, unable to close my eyes, unable to find peace enough to actually fall asleep. I just lay there thinking about why they wished to question me, what they wished to question me about. It seemed almost frightening that I intended to waltz into the Ministry in less than fourteen hours time and lie directly to their faces. That I had actually planed this lie down to the very finest and most precise of details so there seemed to be almost no gaps in my story. It would be difficult for them to question what I was telling them due to their lack of knowledge as to where my actual parents really were, when they left or how it was that they actually managed to slip out of their constant surveillance. I was sure to be questioned upon this also. I had been called to Professor McGonagall's office earlier, to run over the story several times and to examine it for any possible gaps. Draco was also invited to be present for this, a presence I was not entirely sure I was comfortable with.

After several hours of repeating the same story, the same family tree over and over again each time with minor alterations it was deemed suitable enough to pass off as my real tree, surprisingly by Draco. He claimed that if he was one of the examiners he would take this as the truth, although this was the opinion of a seventeen year old I highly doubted that it was a fair judgement of what a fully grown adult would presume from my story. When it was deemed acceptable I was finally allowed to leave Draco not saying a word directly to me and leaving as quickly as possible claiming he had homework to complete before his Quidditch match the next day. I thanks Professor McGonagall for her time and left the office walking to the library before its closure to find an explanation for the strange visions of Harry and Ron I was witnessing. Several hours later I had found nothing.

After pouring through various books such as: _Ghost, Spirit or Insanity?_ and _So you think you're seeing things? – A guide to the world of ghosts and spirits. _I had yet to find any answers that fit the situation I was experiencing. I could not find a book that even remotely described anything similar to what I was actually looking for. I sighed in defeat closing the final book and placing it back upon it's shelf before retiring to the Gryffindor Common Room. The only people still awake were Ginny, Neville and Seamus. I looked at them all sitting comfortably around the fire. I sat down with a thud next to Seamus and Ginny and glanced into the flames as though almost expecting to see someone I recognised appear amongst the flames. I carefully placed my head on Ginny's shoulder still gazing into the fire which was crackling away merrily.

"Are you scared?" Ginny asked quietly.

"Yes, terrified." I replied.

"You're going to be alright, I know you are. If you aren't going to be alright in all of this mess none of us are."

"I hope you're right… I just worry that there is something I haven't been told yet…Something that's you know not quite right."

"I don't want to scare you Hermione, but you know who is most likely going to be presiding over the hearing don't you?" She asked quietly. "Because if you don't I think I better tell you before you go."

"Who is it?" I asked quietly, I could see the fear in her eyes it was not the most comfortable and warm and happy of all the moments I had shared in this friendship.

She paused for a moment before speaking, almost as though she too was struggling to come to terms with what it was that she was preparing herself to tell me. "Umbridge. Umbridge is the Head of the Muggleborn Registration Commission; she'll be interviewing you tomorrow."

I felt my jaw drop uncontrollably, as though there was nothing left to hold it shut any longer. I felt my hopes sink and the sad feeling in my chest appear once again. Those words had changed everything, everything I had planned, everything I had hoped, and everything I wanted to happen. There seemed to be even less of a chance knowing this now. I sat up straight looking at the fire almost able to see her face within the flames. My lip trembled and my body shook. It only made the realisation that I may never be coming back here again even worse, that this really could be the last time I saw the castle and the people I loved. At last Harry's warning made sense. He would have known, breaking into the Ministry he would have seen her, and according to the headlines he had disrupted a hearing. He would have also seen my name upon the list of those being interviewed, which is how he would have known that he had to warn me. That potentially I did not know yet.

I felt Seamus and Ginny wrapping their arms around me whispering that it was going to be okay. I was not going to cry, I was not going to allow this woman to make me feel so weak and insignificant. The Slytherins and the Carrows already did a fine job of this. For once in my life I was not going to allow her to frighten me, I was going to be brave for my friends and for Harry. Who was being even braver than the combined power of all of us. No-one outside of Ron and I knew the exact details of what he was doing, or the sheer danger involved in such a mission. Others assumed he was tracking Voldemort or hunting him down. In a way they were correct. Yet there were others who attempted to spread fear, they tried to claim that Harry was in hiding, that he was running from Voldemort. They tried to make him seem weak and afraid, alike any other human would be if in the same situation. But Harry was not any other human.

Harry was brave, courageous and above of strong enough to be able to even consider beginning to hunt down the remaining Horcruxes. I admired his courage and willpower. I doubted I would be able to make such a decision, that in a time of such great need I would be able to place the hopes and fears of an entire world upon my back and continue doing what I knew to be right. I imagine I would run in fear unable to move or even think let alone being able to consider infiltrating the Ministry. I placed my head on Seamus's shoulder and whispered ever so quietly to myself _"It's going to be okay, everything's going to be okay." _Seamus all the while holding me in his arms as if shielding me from the thoughts that was scaring me, until the panic had passed away entirely. Leaving only nerves and the unknown of tomorrow.

I did not end up sleeping at all, the sun rose in the sky before I even dared to get up. I got up and dressed in the neat skirt and shirt I had laid out the night before pulling my hair back into a long plait. I pulled on the cloak I had decided to wear and walked down to breakfast. It seemed to fit the situation I was facing and made the story seem almost more believable, or least I hoped it seemed more believable if I did not seem to turn up looking like a poorly dressed muggle. No-one had noticed but I had packed my trunk, everything I had brought with me to Hogwarts lay packed away so that if I could not return it would be easy to have my possessions sent to me if need be. I did not want to think of that possibility however. I wandered almost joyfully down to breakfast, trying desperately to pretend as though there was really nothing wrong.

I took my seat at the Gryffindor table and ate slowly, savouring what could very well be my last meal. I had decided to sit facing the Slytherin table which remained empty save for one person, who of course was Draco Malfoy. He looked rather concerned about something. Noticing that we were almost entirely alone within the Great Hall I picked up my plate and went an sat opposite him, looking deeply into his bright grey-blue eyes. He looked up at me sadly as though alike me he knew there were hundreds of things he wanted to say, but knew he could not.

"I'm sorry." We both blurted out at the same time, evidentially we had been thinking thoughts that were along the same lines.

"Shall I go first or shall you?" I asked.

"How about I go first? I really need to say this." He replied almost kindly.

"Sure I'm all ears." I replied.

"I'm sorry, so very sorry. Almost more sorry than you can believe for how I have treated you. It has been entirely unfair of me, and it's a poor way to pay you back when technically you never did anything wrong. I guess it took Astoria dumping me in front of the entire house in the Common Room, for what ever was left of my already shattered dignity to vanish and for me to realise that I never really even liked her half as much as I love you. No even that would be incorrect, it would be that I didn't like her at all compared to how I feel about you and that is me being brutally honest."

"It's too bad we couldn't have had longer…" I whispered taking his hand comfortingly; almost to show him that in some crazy way I actually returned these feelings. "I'm going for my hearing today and I'm scared beyond belief, I have no idea what is going to happen to me or what I'm going to be asked but it's comforting to know I have at least made my peace with you. That at least the last thing I ever though about you was _'perhaps he didn't love me.'_ I guess I'm trying my hardest to tell you that I really like you also and that if things go to plan, I'll be waiting for you. That at least I have something to hope for as I sit there speaking of my '_relatives'_ in front of an entire court."

"You always guard you're emotions so carefully, I always tried to. But around you I let my guard down. I can't do that with anyone else. I'm worried for you, that if everything does not go according to plan that I might never see you again. I too was concerned about the last thing I ever did or said to you. That the last thing I ever did to you was think only of getting revenge against you and not of how much I love you. I'll be waiting for you to return, hoping that we did enough to save you from the same fate as all those Muggleborns before you."

"Thank you Draco. I appreciate you help more so than you could ever imagine, I wish I could stay forever, but I must go. I have a hearing to be present at." I whispered releasing his hand.

"I did mean it you know. I do… love you." He said taking my hand softly before releasing it. "Good luck." He whispered.

"See you around sometime." I called walking away from the Slytherin table towards the doors, his eyes still upon me as I glanced back. "_I love you…"_ I whispered so that he could see my lips move before walking alone along the corridor towards the Entrance Hall.

I breathed calmly as I walked alone, my footsteps echoing behind me. I heard a rushed set of footsteps echoing in the distance behind me, I did not even bother to see who it was. I felt a hand grab me softly from behind, turning me around slowly to face them. I looked up to see Draco staying down at me, his eyes showing the sadness I felt. He cupped my face in his cold hands and ever so softly pressed his lips to mine. I softly returned his kiss wrapping my hands slowly behind his back. He pulled away softly after a minute which seemed like an eternity away, and whispered softly in my ear, his breath tickling my skin "_Let that be an incentive for you to return…_" He said with a smile before turning and walking away.

I was left standing alone in a daze in the corridor wanting more than anything to return now; wanting to return so I could return the favour to Draco. I walked to the Entrance Hall where Professor McGonagall stood wrapped in a travelling cloak. I followed her out onto the grounds and into a carriage where we sat in silence the entire journey to Hogsmeade. Instead of catching a train we walked to the Apparition point. I felt the soft tingling sensation fill my body as I closed my eyes in Hogsmeade, reopening them standing in the foyer of the Ministry of Magic, with Professor McGonagall standing by my side. I could see why Harry's warning was necessary, there were Aurrors everywhere, and all manner of dark object detectors were being waved over and poked into all those who alike me were entering the building. I could see why Harry was concerned, and I was in no situation to wish to disobey his request. Yet I could not help but think of Draco with a smile, his request was very tempting, tempting enough to give me hope that I might actually survive to return to Hogwarts.

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**Dedicated To: **_The Green Serpant, Melora, __charmedchica234__, __sick-atxxheart__, Recalcitrant, __AlleluiaElizabeth__, __voldyismyfather__, Gianet, The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much, __.SeDuCtIvE__, __Off Dreaming__, __Echo1317__, __cookiemania789__, UrbanXS, __Chess07__, __Lov3yHart__, __OrangeJuice7__, __Misirou and Alexx__ – For all taking the time at some point, or many to review my work._

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**Author's Note: **_I'd like to make this the first of my three planned reviewer appreciation chapters, in each I will name and dedicate the chapter to everyone who has reviewed as I have above (Please note this list was compiled on the 2/12/09) as their support means the world to me. The other reviewer appreciation chapters will be chapters fifty and seventy five. I hope to see your name there next time if it's not there this time!_

_The song I sat singing quietly while I wrote this chapter was: __**The Con**__ by Tegan and Sara_


	26. When Was The Last Time You Pretended?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Six: When Was The Last Time You Pretended?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference." _

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The queues at the Ministry were almost unbearably long; my nerves were not helping the overall situation however. I wondered whether this security, these almost too careful measures they had put into place had been here since Voldemort's second rise to power, or had they merely been put up within the last week to avoid another infiltration alike Harry and Ron's. Judging by the efficiency and methods they were using it was clear that it was a fairly new method of detecting possible infiltration and dark weapon concealment being used by the Ministry. It seemed as though these methods left a lot to be desired, as I passed through the security check point I was poked and prodded with at least four different objects and had four spells cast upon me which were not permanent of course however I did have to wait several minutes for the affects to be removed by the casters. It almost seemed rather pointless; one spell held me in place while the other checked that I was not using any potions or spells which would conceal who I truly was.

Overall it was not a particularly pleasant or welcome start to my visit to the Ministry of Magic. After waiting several minutes for the same series of spells to be performed upon Professor McGonagall we made our way over to the visitor's desk to collect our name badges and present our wands. The tired looking witch gave me a nervous smile when I told her my name before handing me a name badge which read _'Hermione Granger – Hearing' _I looked over at Professor McGonagall's which simply read _'Minerva McGonagall – Hearing' _it looked rather strange seeing her full name upon a name badge, for some absurd reason I had expected them to place Professor McGonagall upon the badge which actually made no sense at all in hindsight. We wandered quickly to the wizard standing quite alertly behind a desk which sat beneath a large brass sign reading 'Security'. It became clear that this one wizard was once considered appropriate security for the entire Ministry however he had obviously recently lost his job to hordes of security wizards in the front entrance.

He held out a hand and I passed him my wand which he placed atop a strange brass instrument which looked an awful lot like a broken scale. Broken merely because it only contained a single brass tray as opposed to two. After several moments a thin strip of paper shot out of a small slit in the bass of the instrument which the wizard who evidentially was named Eric, according to his name badge grabbed and read aloud to us.

"Vine Wood 10¾ Inches Dragon Heartstring Core, been in use for seven years am I correct?" He asked.

"That's correct." I replied taking my wand back from him and wandering to look at the nearby statue whilst Professor McGonagall had her wand examined also.

The golden fountain that I remembered from my visit during our fifth year was completely gone. By the looks of it melted down to produce other objects and replaced by this ghastly statue made of a dark black stone which had been polished to a standard one could see themselves in. Atop two strange looking thrones sat two crowned figures one a wizard and one a witch, it did not take long for one to realise that these strange thrones were made of people, naked, struggling figures that the two grand magical figures sat upon. I stood there in shock horror as I read the large engraving: _Magic is Might_ in foot high letters adorning the bottom of the repulsive statue which bore down upon all entering the large open foyer. The fountain used to bring so much light to the room, the statue made it seem darker, less magical as though its very presence was sucking the life away from the room.

I felt a warm hand grasp my shoulder as I continued to stare at the statue almost as though it were mesmerising. This was what I was up against; the thoughts and direction the Ministry seemed to be heading towards or at least attempting to head in. The statue made me feel sick to my stomach, the thought that the people being crawled over by the wizards were like my parents, the good, hard working, decent people who raised me. The only difference between them and the wizards being their lack of magical ability, a very small difference considering all the other possibilities. It almost as though they were making the muggles out to be servants, or even worse unworthy of any form of respect. It seemed out of place in the Ministry of Magic which should be working towards harmony between the magical and non-magical communities.

"Come on, enough time has been spent dwelling over the atrocity that is this statue." Professor McGonagall whispered to me.

"It is almost too difficult to believe that only last year a golden statue representing harmony and peace between both magical and non-magical communities stood here. Now look, look at what it has been replaced with. It is the complete opposite."

"I know, but we have to learn to pretend this does not bother us. As though we do not mind such a hideous monstrosity gracing the presence of the foyer to our Ministry. We must for the sake of remaining inconspicuous pretend that we don't mind. It may not seem right or fair but very little in today's society is, and the faster we can come to accept such a terrible truth, the sooner we can begin slowly learning to deal with it in our own ways."

"I guess, it just seems so unjust and strange that anyone would even allow it to be placed here." I replied.

"Hermione do you really think they allowed anyone who opposed the placement of this statue to remain in their job let alone alive?" She asked quietly leading me away from the statue towards the golden archways that led to the room containing the elevators in the corner of the foyer.

It seemed as though we had arrived at the wrong time of the morning for traffic at the Ministry, there were a large number of people moving in all directions through the foyer, it was almost a mad rush to the elevators as they were all filling rather quickly. It seemed even on weekends there was much work to be done for a Ministry employee. Some carried the most strange items, caged animals and boxes filled with papers which seemed to be flying off with any slight disturbance in the air. I also noticed the strange paper plane like objects soaring through the air, I remembered these Harry had described these after his hearing. _Interdepartmental Memos_ I recalled looking up at the strange purple levitating planes, each had an addressee and a small stamp bearing: _The Ministry of Magic – Magic Is Might._

Even in the most dark of times it seemed as though it was business as usual for the Ministry, although I thought to myself that it was them causing half the grief these days. It was really no secret to the Order, or anyone who had been associated with the Order that the Ministry was under the control of Lord Voldemort. Pius Thicknesse was merely a puppet in Lord Voldemort's game. I stood speechlessly in the elevator, barely sure that I was going to be capable of speech once I reached the Court Room, I was informed soon after we pushed our way into one of the elevator's that I was to attend my hearing in Courtroom Ten, this of course was the very same courtroom in which Harry's hearing two year ago had taken place in. I could still remember him spilling out the details after his return, no matter how long ago those times seemed - When we were planning to stop Voldemort's initial movements, as opposed to fully formed plans.

"Level Nine – The Department of Mysteries and Courtrooms One through to Ten." A cool female voice informed us as the golden gates of the elevator slid open quickly revealing the dark tiled corridor I remembered from two years ago.

We walked in silence along the corridor before reaching a door that indicated that it was Courtroom Ten. I took a deep breath reaching out for the door and slowly pulled it open walking into the cold stone room. My footsteps echoed uncomfortably as I walked quickly down to the centre of the room, watching as Professor McGonagall took her seat in the surrounding area. I felt alone and rather helpless as Dolores Umbridge surveyed me from behind a large wooden bench directly in front of me. She had barely changed, her hair was the same as ever, and she was wearing her usual hideous shade of pink, this time in a rather elaborate set of robes which were visible beneath her black robe. You could see the look of self importance in her eyes, that she was actually enjoying this.

"Would Hermione Jean Granger please rise." She said in her unnaturally high, girlish voice.

I slowly got to my feet staring up at the podium where behind Umbridge sat an array of stern looking witches and wizards, each adorned in similar black robes. In the corner sat Percy Weasley, who had evidentially been employed as a scribe today. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"You are Hermione Jean Granger are you not?" She asked.

"Yes, I am."

"You are eighteen years old are you not?" She asked.

"Yes I am, I turned eighteen on the nineteen of the month just gone." I replied remembering that I was not even conscious for my own Birthday, I however had spent it unconscious and alone in a bed in the Hospital Wing following the incident in the Dark Arts class, it was not much of a birthday, no-one had remembered anyway.

She continued to question me on every aspect of my life, from where I had lived to my academic achievements and scores on exams, as though poor scores would be the proof they needed that I was a Muggleborn. Some were however shocked when I repeated several of my scores, and my O.W.L results, which I hoped brought some of them to the belief that perhaps I may have been Pureblood and that this was simply a mistake. She asked several times as to why I had not answered their summons, however I admitted, being the complete truth that I had failed to receive any of them. The questioning barely stopped for a minute and it seemed as though my voice was beginning to waver under the pressure of so many questions, she finally reached her series of questions relating to my parentage almost fifty minutes later according to the large clock behind her.

"You're biological parents are Mr. Christopher Granger and Mrs. Jean Granger, is this correct?" She asked.

"No, that is incorrect." I said praying that my lie would come naturally to me as it had in Professor McGonagall's office. "Neither are biological parents." I confirmed to several gasps and whispers from around me.

"Is that so?" She asked leaning forward slightly as though in interest.

"My Father according to my birth certificate was Sirius Black and my Mother Julia Black." I lied praying that I was not insulting his memory - he was such a Fatherly figure to Harry and seemed like such a perfect choice for my '_Father'_, "He and my mother were briefly married before her death just after my birth in nineteen seventy nine. I was entrusted to my Aunt and Uncle Jean and Christopher who raised me as their own unable to have children of their own."

"Is that so, do you have proof of these claims?" She asked.

"I only have the birth, death and adoption certificates which we were able to obtain through the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registry that the Muggle community uses. We are unable to find to find record of their marriage as it was a wizarding union and much of the information and files that contained any important information on Sirius were destroyed after his death two years ago." I said pulling the small certificate from my pocket, Professor McGonagall had handed it to me last night having gone to great lengths to obtain it and wipe the memories of those who had written to it so that they no longer had any memory of any different names or parents.

Percy Weasley walked down and collected the documents from me before taking his seat once again. It may have been simply nerves but I could barely say that the hearing was going according to plan; however I believed it to be merely the presence of Dolores Umbridge that seemed to have me on edge.

"Weasley are the certificates authentic?" She snapped.

"Yes Miss, I cannot fault the certificates." He replied after scrutinising it and placing several charms upon it.

I breathed a concealed sigh of relief, there would be no reason to find a fault with the document, of course it was official, and it had been amended by officials. There was of course nothing we had faked other than the details behind the names upon the certificate. If they dared to search deep enough they would find that _Julia Black_ had actually existed she was in fact my grandmother who had died a month after my birth, however we had also seen to this and had ensured that it had been changed to reflect that she was my mother and not my grandmother. We had replaced my Grandmother with a distant relative who had died many years ago and had not married nor had children. I swore when this was over this mess would be another of the things I would correct. I would bring my parents home and remove the memory charm, I would then correct the mess I had made of the official documentation regarding my family tree.

"Where are your Aunt and Uncle currently?" She asked.

"They are missing presumed dead. They were on one of the flights that went down at the start of the year during the bad weather."

"You must miss them terribly." She noted.

"I miss them more than words could say." I whispered in response several tears falling from my eyes and rolling softly down my cheeks, I was slowly losing my composure speaking of my parents only brought me feelings of guilt and sadness.

"What other information could you give us on your Father?" She asked as though she did not matter that I was clearly trying to bring myself together, to gain some form of composure once again.

"He had a brother Regulus Black who died the year of my birth; they were the two sons of Orion Black who died the year of my birth also and Walburga Black. I never met her either. I never met any of my wizarding relatives; I was brought up practically in the same way a Muggleborn would be when really I am not."

"Due to this unforseen mishap in information regarding your parentage, would you please confirm for the entire Court to hear your Blood Status."

"I am Half-Blood, my Mother was a muggle, and my Father was a Pureblood wizard from one of the oldest wizarding lines."

"Yes, and clearly they were not good at preserving this, they were among the first to die out." Commented an elderly looking wizard in from behind Umbridge, "I do believe in my time I have heard many a rumour that the Blacks had married muggles, Andromeda Black married a Muggleborn which is almost as almost as bad as marrying a muggle!"

"Hear, hear!" Cried several wizards from around the room.

"Does anyone within the room have any reason to fault Miss. Granger?" A stern looking witch from behind Umbridge ask, her grey hair shimmered pleasantly in the dim lighting. "Personally I see that this could go on all day, and we would still be unable to find a fault in this girls claims. It is clear that if one of her parents was a wizard and one was a muggle and she has inherited some magical talent – she is _not _a Muggleborn. We can _all _see this. It makes no sense at all to continue questioning her when we have sufficient enough evidence – records from her birth that support that both her biological _Mother _and _Father _are who she claims they were. If we cannot fault these documents would someone please explain why we continue to waste both our precious time and resources upon questioning someone who is clearly _not _a Muggleborn and therefore does not fall to our department?"

There was a brief lull, "All for the return of Miss Granger to Hogwarts please raise your hand and say I." The woman said raising her own hand, I watched as slowly more than half those present in the room raised their hands and repeated the single, glorious word: "I" Glancing around I noticed even Percy Weasley had his hand raised, my heart soared, I might actually make it back.

"All those opposed?" The witch asked, and the four remaining witches who had not raised their hands placed theirs into the air. The witch paused before speaking once again, "It is clear that it is the belief of the Court that Hermione Jean Granger is to be freed immediately and returned to Hogwarts, Miss Granger you are free to go."

"Wait!" Umbridge cried before turning her gaze to me, "She could be lying to us all."

The witch once again spoke on my behalf, I was grateful I did not have to retaliate to her claims. "I doubt even someone of her apparent intellect could have fabricated such documents nor could she have conjured such a story from the top of her head!"

"She is intelligent, she very well could have." Umbridge cried pointing desperately at me.

Several of the witches and wizards begun to shake their heads in disgust at Umbridge's outburst, the look on her face indicated that she was worried. She was losing the respect of her fellow Ministry Employees. "What is it we have become?" The witch asked, "When we spend almost an hour and a half of our precious time, time which could be used searching for Harry Potter and other persons of interest upon a hearing which seems to me and nearly everyone present to be a complete waste of time? Does it not show our complete failure in the area of keeping to the task at hand?"

"I cannot argue with this logic." Umbridge sighed in defeat, before replacing her almost sad voice with her high pitched girlish voice when speaking to me, "Miss Granger, you are free to go."

I got to my feet, I noticed the witch who had so bravely defended me rise also, from a distance I could swear I saw her wink at me. "Thank you, I am glad you have seen reason, I apologise for taking so very much of your time today."

I felt Professor McGonagall's presence at my side as we walked slowly from the Court Room, we did not celebrate nor make any indication that we had won something important. We remained silent, in case the eyes of the Ministry were still upon us and one false move could land us back in the Court Room. We walked quietly to the Apparition point, where for some reason Professor McGonagall stopped, I turned noticing this just in time to see her stumble. I quickly moved towards the place in which she stumbled, which was almost shocking, I had never seen her trip or fall before, although I reminded myself she was only human. She outstretched a hand to me which I took, sending us tumbling through open air and onto the familiar doorstep of Number Twelve Grimmuld Place. I turned to face her in shock; she was standing once again as though nothing had happened.

"Why are we here?" I asked.

"It was a necessary change of direction I assure you." Was all she said leaning forward and knocking on the door.

I watched as slowly the door opened, revealing the dark corridor behind it. Slowly a figure from behind the door revealed themselves and all I could do was gasp, I could not even pretend that this did not shock me, as it was truly the most magical moment I had experienced in weeks.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The Musicians who inspire me. I wish I could name each and every one of the artists whose music I rely upon to retain my sanity, but alas this list would never end._

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**Author's Note: **_Ok, so who do __**you **__think is behind the door? Let me know, I of course know but I would love to see a little speculation before the next chapter goes up!_

_The song of the chapter was slightly more upbeat than usual – __**Good Girls Go Bad**__ by Cobra Starship._


	27. When Was The Last Time You Slapped?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Seven: When Was The Last Time You Slapped?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_I threw love at the wall and it bounced back and slapped me in the face." _

* * *

Upon seeing his face tears sprung to my eyes, burning and prickling like I had never felt them do so before. I had never been as glad to see him in my entire life. I rushed forward and embraced him holding onto him as tightly as I could, never wanting to let go of my best friend. Harry appeared behind him and I hugged him also. Every emotion I had felt every worry, every single thought I'd had of them seemed to be for something now. It seemed to have purpose and meaning as though all that time wasn't in vain. I felt extremely pathetic for crying upon seeing Harry and Ron but at the same time there was nothing else I could do. They patted me on the back comfortingly, as though nothing at all had happened. When I finally brought myself together again, instead of being a crying heap in their presence I turned to Ron.

"Don't ever do that to me again!" I spat slapping him with all my might across his face.

He cried out in pain and I just watched as he took several seconds to compose himself once again. He turned to me before speaking and whispered, "I guess I did kind of deserve that."

"You left me! You left me behind! After everything we planned after everything we ever said we'd do together you just _vanish_ before my eyes as though there was not care in the world. Like you had everything to think about rather than bringing another friend along! _How_ could you do that to _me_? Do you even know what I've been going through since this happened, the Muggle-born Registration Commission, The Carrow's? Do you know what it's like to be entirely alone and unsure of what you're supposed to be doing when everything you ever planned went up in smoke?" I asked placing my hands on my hips.

"Please, what ever you do… Please don't hit me again!" He cried throwing his long arms up in front of his face defensively. "It was unintentional; I swear there just wasn't time."

"Wasn't time? Wasn't time – I was standing right there!" I cried. "You planned this." I whispered realising what had happened. "You planned to leave me behind."

"It was too dangerous." Harry piped up speaking finally closing the door behind us. "We couldn't drag you into this as well. Hermione you have to admit it, you belong at Hogwarts not out here hiding."

"But I wanted to help, I still do. Is this how you treat your best friends? Is this the way you treat anyone?" I asked sitting on the couch, which was cleaner than I had ever seen it.

"Kreacher?" Harry called, the house elf appearing with a small _pop _in front of us.

"Yes Master?" He asked bowing at Harry.

"Could you please bring us some tea?" Harry asked.

"Of course Master." Kreacher said bowing once again and disappearing with a _pop _once again.

"Harry was that Kreacher?" I asked shocked looking at the place the old fragile looking house elf had once stood. This was _Kreacher _we were talking about, there was no way he would serve Harry _willingly, _let alone acting civilly to all present.

"Hermione we have so much to tell you but now's not really the time. So much has happened in the last two months, and I just wish we could tell you everything but there isn't time. If only you had finished your hearing earlier we could have spent some time with you, however it has become necessary that we move this evening. We believe our security here may very well have been compromised earlier. The Death Eater's packed up and left earlier this morning when it is almost clear that we are hiding here. We believe they may know we're here." He said sadly looking at the small bag I had packed while at Ron's prior to the wedding.

"How long do you have?" I asked quietly.

"We're leaving as soon as you do." Ron replied. "We've been ready to disappear all day, particularly if they decide to raid the place while they think we are asleep. Tonks was in just before you, she told us your hearing went well."

"Tonks was here?" I asked surprised.

"Yeah and she's pregnant." Harry said happily. "Lupin was here a couple of weeks ago."

"How did she know about my hearing, let alone how it went before I had the time to get here?" I asked.

"Hermione, there is something we didn't quite tell you." Professor McGonagall begun slowly. "You weren't entirely alone in the hearing. We had several members of the Order masquerading as Ministry officials. Tonks was the witch who defended you. Arthur was there also he was the old wizard who commented on the Black families marriages."

"They were there?" I asked almost in shock, "It wasn't just some strange spate of luck that I thought I was having, there were quite literally Order members there helping me?"

"We couldn't let you go into a hearing like that alone." Harry commented. "They have been particularly vicious, as you probably saw for yourself why."

"Umbridge." I replied quietly. "That's why you were warning me. That's why you sent me that strange letter!" I cried. "I was right."

Ron glared at Harry and there was an awkward silence as Kreacher appeared in the doorway brandishing a tray with a large teapot, several cups and a small pile of freshly baked biscuits. I watched as he tottered forwards and placed it upon the small coffee table before us and Ron dived at the biscuits shovelling two into his mouth at once. He hadn't changed a bit in the entire time he had spent in this house, although he was yet to have to fend for himself and was evidentially being well fed by Kreacher's cooking. He put his arms up defensively attempting to speak through a mouthful of biscuits.

"Waa… 'ay, 'aste 'ood! He said in his defence however it was almost impossible to interpret this sentence and I just assumed he was saying that they '_taste good' _in his own defence, as though this accounted for him shoving two whole biscuits in his mouth at once.

"Charming Ronald." I commented.

Harry laughed from his seat, almost dropping the cup of tea he had just been handed by Kreacher. I smiled at him laughing along with him, it just felt so good to be in the presence of my best friends again. It didn't feel so strange or lonely just normal despite the lack of their presence at school. Professor McGonagall just seemed to be ignoring us, as though she was pretending we were not present and she was entirely alone in the room drinking a cup of tea. I could not help but notice how grand and light the house looked now, the dark, dreary surroundings I remembered had vanished replaced with light and almost gleaming surfaces.

"How did you get the house in this state?" I asked in awe of how quickly the house had transformed from what I could only imagine as the dark, dust filled place it would have become in the absence of any human inhabitancy.

"Kreacher has been cleaning for weeks it actually inhabitable here now." Ron commented. "His cooking is good too!"

I looked at Harry, as if trying to ask him telepathically how it was that he convinced such a reluctant house elf to perform such tasks. He returned my look however not in the same way, he returned it with a look that read as he would tell me later. But when would later be? How long would I have to wait to see my friends again? How long would it be until they could tell me how it was that they infiltrated the Ministry and for what purpose, all questions I was not comfortable asking in the presence of Minerva McGonagall. As much as I appreciated her presence and all she had done for me, this was one topic we could not discuss in front of her – Horcruxes. I doubted that she would want to hear about such terrible things either, I thought to myself shuddering at the very thought of those horrible books I had read.

I was savouring every moment that I had with my friends. Every moment I spent sitting here, talking, laughing or sitting in silence. Every moment was precious to me, for even I knew that this could very well be the last time I saw either of them a sickening fact that almost made me want to grab a hold of them and never let go. Yet I knew that was a option I did not have. More so was the fact that I wanted to return to Hogwarts, I wanted to return to my home, my school, my friends of course I _wanted _to return to Draco more than anything else. I had been granted yet another chance to continue life as though nothing was wrong. I knew that practically everything that could have gone wrong in my life had, but finally it seemed as though there were small aspects that were slowly rebuilding themselves. That perhaps I could actually have a half normal life in the middle of this mess. I knew I could not follow them, that much was clear.

"It's time." Professor McGonagall said suddenly.

"Time to go? Already?" I asked standing. "Can't we stay a little longer?"

"No, they must leave now they are in danger if they stay any longer."

"Please just five minutes to say goodbye, please that's all I need." I begged turning to face her.

"Alright." She said giving in and walking back into the hallway. "Five minutes."

I stood there in front of Harry and Ron who looked rather torn between two choices. I was more concerned about who was actually going to initiate the goodbyes. After a minute of awkward silence I ran forward and embraced them both in a large hug. They both hugged me back, making me never want to let go.

"Promise you'll write when ever you can." I whispered to them both. "Please? Even if it's not much I don't care I just want to know you're alive and well. Can you do that for me?"

"I think we can make that small sacrifice." Harry replied.

"Yes… Sure…" Ron said rather hesitantly I could feel as he turned to look at Harry.

"What?" I asked.

"Ron is under the impression that writing is not a good idea. Mind you he was the one who wrote a rather lengthy letter earlier in the year." Harry replied letting go of me and Ron.

I stood up straight and surveyed the tall, red haired boy before me. "Do you want me to go mad with worry?" I asked placing my hands on my hips again.

"No…" He stuttered. "I just don't think it's the best of ideas what if our letters are intercepted?"

"Ron if you don't write where you are, who you are or what you're doing on the letter there is really nothing of interest to anyone else upon those letters let alone enough information for them to identify who you actually are. If you don't write I'll be angry the next time I see you." I said with a laugh, Harry joining in with me.

Ron walked forward and hugged me again. "Stay safe and out of the way of Snape and the Carrow's. I promise I'll write." He whispered in my ear.

"I'm going to miss seeing you again, don't do anything rash, and don't leave him he can't do everything alone." I whispered back to him hugging him tighter.

Once I had let go of Ron, Harry took his turn whispering his goodbye in my ear. I could hear it in his voice, the uncertainty the fear that he might not return to see me again. A series of tear begun to fall softly from my eyes, the sadness and feeling of being left entirely alone was beginning to creep upon me again. "Give my love to Ginny please. Watch over her." He whispered as he let me go.

"I will, don't worry she'll be fine." I replied. "I'm not going to let anything happen to her or anyone else who doesn't deserve it."

"Thank you." He replied.

"I guess this is goodbye." I said softly. "For now."

"I guess it is." Harry replied pulling the invisibility cloak from within his pockets.

As I turned to walk to the door, I felt Ron grab me from behind and hug me tightly once again. "_Please_ for me, stay safe, please. I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered in my ear. I hugged him back tightly before slowly letting go and whispering in response, "I will."

I walked from the room, already beginning to feel the strange emotions that had passed through me the last time I had said goodbye to them. The emotions that reduced me to tears, making me sad, angry and almost physically ill at the same time, but this time I at least knew I could survive them. As I stood upon the doorstep of Number Twelve Grimmuld Place I felt a stab of guilt for slapping Ron, he hadn't really deserved that. As I spun around on the spot mid-apparition I watched Harry and Ron's faces disappear from view behind me, this time it was me leaving them behind and finally I understood at least slightly how it must have felt for them to leave me behind amidst the mess that was made of Bill and Fleur's wedding. Finally I understood, and the one thing about understanding was it took away every other emotion I had felt so that when I had reopened my eyes staring upon Hogwarts Castle I did not feel as bad, in fact I was ready, ready to make a new start.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Ninja Brother. Who isn't really a Ninja but likes to think he is._

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**Author's Note: **_Everyone who chanced a guess at who lay behind the door actually got it that makes me feel predictable in a way, however it does make me feel as though it was also the right move for the story, particularly because Hermione was slowly going insane not being able to see them. A strange realisation hit me this morning; this is chapter 27, three off 30. Then there are only seventy more to go. I'm starting to already feel sad about that fact so as usual read and review!_


	28. When Was The Last Time You Shocked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Shocked?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Love is the only shocking act left on the face of the earth." _

* * *

Walking through those large, tall gates again made me feel as though I were in my first year again, seeing Hogwarts for the very first time while at the same time I was scared, worried and absolutely sure I was going to fail. It was almost the same reaction walking through these familiar gates again, I was scared and worried but this time I knew I was not going to fail, I had been there and sorted that fear out long ago. We walked in silence along the almost endlessly long path that led to the staircase which extended into the castle. As we passed the Dementors I grasped my wand tightly, unsure whether I would need it but glad to know I had that protection just in case. Their effect upon me had not changed I still felt the chill they created seeping down to my very bones, their spine tingling effect as they passed by you and of course the memories that fought their way forward into the spotlight – the one's you never wanted to see again.

We gathered speed as we walked past them, I was grateful for this there is only so much of seeing your worst memories that you can take. As we reached the stairs I realised that I was _home, _I had been allowed to return and now I could go on living here in peace without fear of being captured for my blood status, as now according to the Ministries records I was a half-blood and I was also Sirius's daughter. I felt like a different person walking through the doors of Hogwarts once again, as though everything had changed and I could live a life free from one of my fears. It seemed as though I was seeing the castle in a whole new light, it seemed so much brighter and full of life, as though two small changes in my life had brought about the largest changes here. I smiled as I saw my friends standing just over to the left their faces broke into the largest smiles I had seen in a while as they ran forward to embrace me.

I hugged them back in return glad to know that someone was waiting for me upon my return, as I hugged Seamus he whispered to me so softly that the others could not hear, "Welcome home, he's waiting for you." I hid the small gasp that escaped my lips as I let go of him and smiled.

"it feels so good to be _home_." I said softly.

"It feels good to have you home." Said Ginny hugging me tightly.

"Thank you." I said to her letting her go. "Thank you all for waiting for me."

"We're going to dinner, are you coming?" Neville asked.

"Not just yet, there's something I have to do, I'll be there soon though." I replied. "You go ahead."

I watched as my friends walked away from me slowly glancing back occasionally. I turned to Professor McGonagall and thanked her for everything, before almost running along the corridor. I found the small broom cupboard where I had met him on several occasions. I opened the door to find no-one not even a mouse in the small cupboard. I remembered that he could be found in the corridors in the East side of the school. I walked along the corridors hoping he would be sitting upon one of the window sills but it was to no avail. I walked towards the Great Hall rather sadly, almost thinking he had forgotten me. I passed the library I noticed from the corner of my eye someone sitting alone at one of the tables. I stopped and looked in; I had at last found him.

"I've been looking for you." I whispered.

"I've been waiting for you." He replied. "What took you so long?"

"I've looked everywhere and you were nowhere to be found."

"I would have thought the library would have been the first place you looked." He said with a smile.

"I wouldn't have expected to find you in here."

"But I would have expected to find you in here." He said with a smile pulling a single blood red rose from behind his back. "_Welcome home_." He whispered placing it into my hand.

"Thank you so much." I replied in shock, I'd never been given a rose before. "It's so beautiful."

"Yes, that's why I got you a bouquet." He said pulling a bouquet from behind his back.

"No-one has ever done anything like that for me." I whispered to him as he placed the flowers in my hand. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome." He replied hugging me tightly. "I'm glad you returned."

"I'm glad I did too." I replied pressing my lips to his.

He slowly placed his hands around my waist and drew me closer to him, deepening the kiss. We stood there our lips pressed ever so lightly together for what seemed like forever, a forever I would gladly take again, we were broken apart by a loud gasp from behind us, two small second year Slytherins stood with their jaws agape staring at us. A day ago I would have minded if this happened, but I was in particularly high spirits today so as we broke apart I turned to them smiling.

"If you leave without saying another word I won't dock fifty points from Slytherin." I said with a smile.

They stood there in shock staring at Draco more so than me. They looked at him as though he was breaking the most important rule of them all, as though he had betrayed his house entirely. Although this did make sense he was a Slytherin and I was a Gryffindor. I watched in amazement as the two small girls left the library in almost a sprint, no doubt to tell everyone they could find that Draco and I were an item and for once I didn't care what they said about me. I didn't care in the slightest what everyone would think I took his hand and led him from the library carrying my beautiful bouquet in my free hand. We stopped outside the Great Hall and I pressed my lips to his, and smiled. I knew it could not be that bad, I was with him and at the moment that was the only thing that mattered to me.

"Sit with me." I whispered taking his hand.

"That sounds like a good idea. I don't think I will be welcome at the Slytherin table this evening." He replied smiling. "And I don't care. I have something far more important."

He squeezed my hand tightly as we walked through the large doors and down the long isle to where Ginny, Neville and Seamus sat. I noticed the shocked looking expressions of all present. Ginny looked like she was almost ready to stab me, and Neville looked rather confused although his expression was not half as bad as Ginny's. Her red hair almost seemed to be on fire as she glared at me. I smiled at her as we sat down in front of her, Seamus looked as though he could not care less, and in fact he had a smile upon his face. I could see the Slytherins glaring at us, I noticed Pansy laughing and pointing at Draco. Crabbe and Goyle as usual were too thick to realise what was going on and showed no emotion. Astoria just sat there glaring at me; I wondered what ever that could mean. I made a mental note to ask Draco why later.

Ginny looked as though she was simply bursting to express her opinion on this matter, in some ways she could be more liked Ron than anyone actually cared to notice. After several moments of near silence upon the Gryffindor table, she finally seemed unable to help herself any longer and finally found her voice in the form of a mild shout.

"Why didn't you tell me?_ Why him_?" She finally yelled.

Everyone in the vicinity stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to us as it was as if they had anything better to do than to gawk at our little scene. I placed my hands on the table in front of me in a folded position carefully considering what I would say in response to this. What could I say? That I might actually _love _him and there was no-one in the world I wanted to be with at this time more than him. I had feared above all how she would react, knowing that she could never understand why it was that I had made this choice – because everything my heart was telling me led to him. I didn't want anyone else; I didn't want to keep waiting for Ron when that might never happen. It seemed only reasonable that I told her the truth no matter how badly she might take it. It seemed fair to everyone that they knew the truth.

"Ginny, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was scared how you'd react and how you'd take it. It's kind of clear that it was right of me not to tell you." I replied quietly.

"You told someone else? You told someone else before you told me?" She asked.

"Seamus guessed, and I had to tell someone." I replied.

"I wouldn't have cared if you told me earlier. I would have probably supported you!" She cried in frustration.

"Ginny we both know differently, you would not have supported me, you would have done everything within your power to ensure that we remained apart. It's too late now." I replied smiling at Draco.

Ginny merely huffed at these words before turning her anger onto Seamus, who she questioned fiercely as to the reason why he had not told her earlier, let alone telling anyone for that matter. He did not seem to care; he just shrugged off her questions as though nothing was wrong and continued to eat the food in front of him. After several minutes of silent eating the only voice from within our group was Ginny who insistently continued to question Seamus he broke his silence.

"Just be quiet Ginny, she didn't tell you because she knew you were going to react like you are now. Behaving like you are only justifies her decision. Can you just act like a normal human being for just twenty minutes while we eat?" He asked. "Instead of a crazed individual who is obsessing over why her friend did not tell her something. Just accept she had her reasons and move on."

She began to stammer uncontrollably, before turning her attention back to the food in front of her grudgingly. We sat in silence as we all ate. Ginny all the while glaring at us just as much as the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins combined. I took Draco's hand under the table and smiled happily at him, he returned the smile his lengthy blonde hair falling in front of his eyes. This was clearly one of the most shocking occurrences of the year according to all the houses, one of the biggest scandals that anyone had been able to talk about in a long while. I had the chance to be happy and my best and almost only female friend could barely come to terms with this. I'd struggled to come to terms with my feelings, and now this is how I was going to have to live my life, but I was fairly sure once the shock settled in, it wouldn't matter and that everyone would forget the scene Ginny had made tonight.

Of course in some ways it was not the most perfect of welcome homes, yet in others it was everything I could wish for and more. I had never expected nobody to be shocked, there were always going to be people in the world who could never understand. But I hoped that everyone could move past that, including Ginny and that perhaps even though we didn't seem like the most perfect of matches, that I was at least happy for once in a very long time and that there was nothing I wanted more than to have the chance to be with him. Perhaps it would take some time, perhaps it would take a lot of convincing, but perhaps finally, one day everyone could accept us.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Miss Mayhem and all my closet friends, who accept me for who I am and for all the shocking things I do._

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**Author's Note: **_I'm a realist, I based this chapter off the belief that not everyone was going to be warm and fuzzy about Draco and Hermione's relationship. It isn't always easy to understand other people's choices and perhaps in time even Ginny will accept that, but that is for the later chapters. Don't forget to read and review._


	29. When Was The Last Time You Wasted?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Twenty Nine: When Was The Last Time You Wasted?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Don't waste your youth growing up."_

* * *

I watched as the schoolwork began to pile up, first it was slowly and gradually but after a week it became apparent that it was increasing at an almost phenomenal rate. Slowly I was losing the time I had with Draco, it seemed as though the only time I was able to spend with him was the time used to patrol the corridors. When I was not patrolling the corridors or in class I was using the time to pour over the ever growing mountain of homework. I could finally understand why it always seemed so stressful for the Seventh Years, they always seemed to be buried beneath large amounts of schoolwork and almost astoundingly difficult spells. There was nothing difficult about the spell work for me, it was more so the long essays that required painful amounts of research in order to complete. To maintain my standard of work I was required to increase my hours spent pouring over books in the library.

I was sitting alone in the library late one night scribbling away at my long charms essay when I heard a small tapping on the window. I looked up to see a small brown owl perched upon the window sill, its golden eyes staring in at me. I got up abandoning my essay and books and let it into the dimly lit room. It dropped the letter at my feet before flying off into the night as though it had almost never been here. I walked over to the table and carefully pried the letter open, knowing instantly who would send a letter at such a strange hour of the night. _Harry and Ron. _I knew the letter would not be signed, only addressed to me so that the owl would give me the letter, my thoughts were confirmed as I glanced upon the contents of the letter, it was not overly long, but long enough to calm my nerves which almost seemed to be out of control as I held the letter in my shaking hands.

_Hermione,_

_It's been a cold week nothing like our last home. I miss the comfort of at least having a proper bed to sleep upon rather than something that only reminds me of the Quidditch World Cup. It's nothing like I expected it to be out here, at times it's almost refreshing but at others it's like being locked in a tiny room with an extremely grumpy bear, his moods certainly changing not for the better either I can assure you! It seems like something that comes from wearing _it, _we actually found_ one._ I couldn't tell you as she was there, but we did. Toad face bought it, but the story is far too long for a letter._

_I wrote this as you requested, we're alive, safe and well. It may be a long time before I have the chance to write again, have hope in these dark times it's the only thing we can do._

I smiled reading the letter, and after reading over it several times I threw it carefully into the fire ensuring that it would not be seen by another living soul again. Ginny had yet to speak to me again, and I had not found the appropriate moment to give her Harry's message nor had I wanted to yet. Although it may have sounded cruel and like I did not care for her feelings, the truth was I only wanted to protect her, every time someone so much as mentioned Harry these days I saw the sadness in her eyes. I did not want to further that pain with his message. I felt two hands wrap themselves carefully around my waist as I stood staring into the flames as they engulfed the letter burning it away from existence.

"It was from them wasn't it?" Draco whispered in my ear.

I nodded my head softly in response not ready to speak yet; their letters always seemed to have this effect upon me. That spine chilling silence that they left upon me was almost shocking and each and every time it seemed to happen without fail. When finally the embers of the letter had vanished from my sight I turned slowly but gently to face Draco. I looked deeply into his amazing grey-blue eyes hidden beneath a soft layer of hair falling in front of his eyes. I stood on my tip-toes and pressed my lips to his softly, his lips moving softly against mine.

"Are you okay?" He asked pulling back slowly surveying me carefully.

"I'm better than fine." I said with a grin.

"Better than fine hey?" He asked with a laugh.

"That equates to quite happy and content with life." I replied with a smile.

"Is that so? Where have you been for the past week? I've barely seen you."

"Here practically sleeping at that table doing all those essays. There's just so much to do." I said pointing at the table which practically spoke for itself.

"So what you've barely eaten, barely slept and instead you've traded these both off for homework?" He asked with a smile.

"Passing is a fair trade off. It'll all be worth it some day."

"Oh yes that's if you survive this stress long enough to make it that far. Come on lets go and grab something to eat you look positively famished, I know I am." He noted.

"You know what?" I asked taking his hand. "That sounds about right, and it sounds quite nice actually."

He led me down the corridors towards the dungeons, all the way to the large painting of a bowl of fruit. He tickled the pear nestled among the other fruits on the portrait carefully and it giggled and opened to allow us access to the kitchens. We were immediately greeted with a horde of house elves who each brandished a plate of various foods. They bowed to each of us before I noticed Dobby walking forward through the crowd towards us.

"Dobby!" I cried happy when he reached the front.

"Hello Miss." He said in reply his squeaky voice almost exuberantly happy; when he spoke his ears twitched causing his tea cosy to fall askew.

"Oh Dobby it is excellent to see you!" I said, "I was wondering whether you would be able to do us a favour?"

"Anything for a friend of Harry Potter, Miss." He replied chirpily.

I looked at Draco happily; he bore a rather worried expression. Although of course I had almost forgotten that Dobby had once served the Malfoy's, therefore Draco would have been rather familiar with Dobby and Dobby with Draco. I looked around for Winky, almost expecting her to be sitting upon the same chair as last time rocking back and forth drinking Butterbeer. Yet I could not see her, and Dobby was making no indication that she still called Hogwarts her home, however grudgingly. I returned my focus back to Dobby before even beginning to speak.

"Draco and I missed dinner while doing homework, would it be possible to have just a little of the leftovers if there is any?" I asked as politely as I possibly could.

"Of course Miss." Dobby replied showing us to a small table with several chairs lying around it. "You can eat here Miss."

No sooner had we taken our seats, had large plates of food appeared before us containing almost every vegetable and meat I could even begin to think of. Several of the elves were watching us curiously, almost as though they had heard rumours or seen Draco and I together and were curious. It was interesting to see that even the house elves paid close attention to the goings on in the castle. I smiled at Draco nervously indicating at him to look at the house elves behind him. Rather casually he flicked his hair backwards, turning just enough to see the house elves behind him whispering to each other. When he finally turned back to face me again the smile upon his face was infectious. I beamed at him upon seeing his smile and grabbed several items from the plate in front of me.

It was certainly a better way to spend some time even if I was wasting study time, sitting talking and spending time with Draco in general. There was just time I had to take to spend with him, I couldn't spend every spare waking hour of the day locked away in the library studying and researching for all my schoolwork. I could almost get used to taking time out, to actually spending time doing something other than fretting needlessly over homework due in several days time, even if I did enjoy the satisfaction of having it completed early. I enjoyed simply being with Draco more than I could ever enjoy the satisfaction of completing school work early. After awhile of silent eating we stood, finished and well fed.

"Thank you." I said to the house elves present.

"Your most welcome Miss and Sir." They said bowing quickly.

Dobby led us back to the portrait to exit the large open kitchen bowing to us several times as we clambered back through the portrait. I landed with a dull thud upon the stone ground on the other side, Draco following seconds later, giving me only just enough time to move. He landed more gracefully than I had beside me laughing at the expression of annoyance upon my face. How was it that he had landed so softly when I would surely have several bruises lining my arms tomorrow? He lent over and pressed his lips to mine, softly at the same time with a little more passion than he would if we were not in a completely deserted corridor. I felt his body hovering just inches above mine; he was supporting himself with his arms so that his body was almost touching mine.

"Does it not strike you as kind of the wrong place to be doing this?" I asked between kisses.

"Can you think of a better place?" He asked pressing his lips to mine once again.

"Not anywhere we could both go anyway." I said in reply.

"Exactly. Think less. Just let go, we at least can't technically get caught for being out of bed out of hours." He replied.

"That's comforting to know. It's rather hard to think less when you keep talking to me." I said pressing my lips to his once more.

"Yes, but I like hearing your voice."

"I like hearing yours too. It's comforting."

"Comforting?" He asked kissing me quickly.

"Yes, it makes me feel less alone." I replied.

"I feel less alone in your presence." He added slowly pulling himself to his feet. "Come on I'm fairly sure that pile of books will still be patiently awaiting your return."

"There only books, they can wait forever. You can't though." I said taking his hand.

"That of course is true, however it won't really be worth actually making it this far during our entire seven years of schooling if we don't pass our final year, that would make the rest seem rather wasted would it not?"

"It would not have been wasted no matter the outcome of our N.E.W.T.S. Can you really imagine life without Hogwarts? Or magic, that would be a life wasted if neither of us decided to take up the chance to actually come here. We wouldn't have met either, we would still be absolute strangers, you most likely locked away at Durmstrang and I in some muggle high school. We would be two entire worlds apart. Now that would be a waste."

"A waste of what?" He asked.

"Of a perfectly good relationship." I replied pressing my lips softly to his, leading him away from the dungeons and into the warm confines of the library where my books lay just as I had left them. Ready for me to begin work on my essays again with Draco by my side.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_All those who helped me survive NaNo WriMo._

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**Author's Note: **_So I've reached the last of my Update-Per-Day-For-A-Week Chapters, it has been an adventure and I've certainly learnt a lot about writing in general, also might I add how great the support for this story has been phenomenal, over thirty reviews in a week! A million thank you's to all who contributed to these reviews. The next chapter: When Was The Last Time You Served? Should be up later in the week. So read and review in the meantime. _

_Song of the chapter: __**Whatcha Say **__– Jason DeRulo._


	30. When Was The Last Time You Served?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty: When Was The Last Time You Served?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Ideas? My head is full of them, one after the other, but they __serve__ no purpose there. They must be put down on paper, one after the other.__"_

* * *

It was not everyday that a letter arrived by owl for me, actually on most days I wasn't sent any form of post. It came as a mild surprise when I noticed a large snow old sitting upon the dormitory windowsill early in the morning before classes had commenced. It looked greatly like Hedwig, only larger and perhaps possibly slightly more vicious in appearance. There was a strange look in its golden eyes as though delivering letters was the last thing in the world it wished to be doing. This was particularly strange for an owl; they were not usually as revealing in their personalities. I took the small letter from within the beak of the large owl and glanced down at the familiar handwriting, this was a letter from Professor Snape, I could not control the angry groan of annoyance that escaped my lips as I opened the letter. This meant I had _another _meeting to attend; personally I'd already been to enough meetings to last a lifetime. I was already supposedly serving the purpose of added discipline enforcer in his eyes, I didn't need another role.

It stated that I was exempt from my third and fourth period classes and was to attend a meeting in his office along with Draco to discuss our duties over the coming holidays. I quickly brushed my thick hair and grabbed my books running down to the Great Hall to meet Draco for breakfast. He was waiting casually outside the Hall, leaning against a great stone statue. He smiled as I approached lugging my heavy bag onto my opposite shoulder. He took it carefully from my shoulder and placed it on his own, pressing his lips carefully to my forehead gently. He seemed to carry my bag with ease into the Great Hall, in a fashion that I could never have managed. We took a seat at the almost empty Slytherin table away from any other members of the House.

"Thanks." I said quietly to him.

"It's fine, you carry far too many books did you know that?" He asked taking a bite out of a piece of toast.

"I need them all." I replied taking a sip of the orange juice I just poured myself.

"Oh really?" He asked rummaging about in the bag. "What's this then?" He asked holding up the small battered copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_.

"Be _careful _with that!" I pleaded quickly. "It's important."

"What is it more to the point?" He asked examining the book before taking a sniff of the cover and placing it quickly on the table with a disgusted look on his face.

"It's a book, a book of fairytales. Professor Dumbledore left it to me." I replied carefully picking the fragile book off the table.

"Dumbledore left it to you?" Draco asked softly, a strange hollowness ringing in his words.

"Yes. It's interesting; I think I've found the connection between this and something I've noticed. I can't be certain but it's really hard to ignore the similarities. It's just strange that he'd leave me a book of fairy tales, one of them would have to mean something, and when I translated _The Tale of Three Brothers _last night I noticed something. It's probably nothing though." I said quietly.

"What do you mean?" He asked turning looking around carefully.

"The cloak, Harry has this cloak and there's one that sounds just like it in the story, but I highly doubt that Harry has the cloak_ Death_ made, I mean that's just preposterous. Most people don't think the story isn't even real; I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"You aren't talking about the story about those three wizards who met Death on a bridge one night and he gave them a cloak, wand and stone _are_ you?"

"Actually I am." I replied. "Are you familiar with the story?"

"Of course I am, not too many children are brought up in the wizarding world without knowing this story. It's been passed down for generations, the legends that have spawned from such a tale you would not believe. I mean some people actually look for the items in the story!" He said with a laugh.

"What if they are real though?" I asked. "It's more than possible."

"More than possible those three brothers met _Death _and for outsmarting him they were given three objects that supposedly render the user immortal?" He asked.

"Well I suppose meeting _Death _is slightly over-exaggerated, although it's more than possible the cloak actually exists. The wand and the stone are a little less believable." I said finishing the toast I was eating.

"Hello, earth to Hermione Granger…" He said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "It's not possible that they met _Death_ or received these items. Potter just has an invisibility cloak; it's nothing special or unheard of before. It's a just a story written to teach children that gloating and arrogance are not admirable qualities in a person, nor is killing others. It's just a story, nothing real or serious."

I stopped preparing to stand before speaking. "How do you know that though? How do you know that they're not real, and that this story didn't happen to three very real brothers? There are countless stories of amazing and almost unexplainable magic occurring and this could very well be one of them. I don't want to believe that this book is entirely pointless; I want it to have some form of meaning. This is the only way I find meaning in this book, these stories. They have to mean something Draco, they have to be some important clue or riddle to solve. Dumbledore wouldn't have made a certain point of leaving them to me unless there was some sort of special message for me to find in it. I just can't give up on them. I just can't."

"I know it's hard, and we all struggle to find meaning in certain situations, but Hermione, believe me when I say there isn't always a hidden puzzle behind every story, there will always be the mysteries we can't solve and there are the one's we are supposed to solve. If unlocking a clue in all these runes was supposed to happen why wouldn't Dumbledore make it clear for you? Why wouldn't he underline the important passages or at least give you some idea as to what you're actually looking for?" He asked.

"Draco, I'm about to tell you something very important, and I need your word that you are not going to repeat this to anyone, and I mean anyone." I whispered glancing about cautiously.

"Okay, I don't really have anyone to tell these things anyway." He replied seriously.

"During the holidays, whilst I was staying at The Burrow, with Harry and the Weasley's we were visited by Rufus Scrimgeour. It was the night of Harry's seventeenth and he was bringing us the released items from Dumbledore's will. Do you remember at the end of the school year that month when no-one saw him, the month where he never appeared in public?" I asked, he nodded in response. "He was locked in his office trying to break open the snitch Harry was given from Dumbledore. He believed it contained something, but couldn't prove it so when the month was up he had to hand over the items to us, including this book that he had several experts examine for secrets codes and all other manner of dark things. The strange part is, the snitch was a little more than it seemed. When Harry touched it a message appeared upon the surface, _'I open at the close.' _I'm not sure whether this book is the answer to what they means or what it's supposed to do in reference to the snitch but I know it's important. I just need you to believe me."

"I do believe you Hermione, I really do. I just don't see why it's worth losing sleep over something you can't control." He replied.

"It's not the fact that I'm losing sleep over it. It the fact that it's got to mean something more when I was supposed to be out there with them."

There was silence between us; at last I think he understood the reason why I was trying to find meaning behind the book. It would have had to mean something if it was all Dumbledore was leaving me with to defend all three of us while we searched for Horcruxes. It had to be the key to an even greater puzzle that slotted carefully into place with everything he had already planned. This book, no matter how odd it seemed was the key to a puzzle I couldn't understand, and wanted to understand so desperately. Draco looked into my eyes, I could see the understanding lurking just centimetres beneath the waves of grey, there were just some things that neither of us could understand about the other straight away, and these things took time. They took work. I knew that not every moment of this relationship was going to be perfect, the start was far from it, but still you could see it in his eyes, the desire to understand what I was thinking, almost a need.

I took his hand gently and helped him out of the seat; he was still carrying my bag for me which was one easily one of the nicest things anyone had done for me. He carried it with such ease and grace that it seemed like he was hardly carrying any weight at all. We walked from the Great Hall quietly, no-one even bothered staring at us anymore, we were evidentially old news, a fact I was quite happy knowing. "I understand why it is now that you carry it with you." He said softly as we walked along the long corridor leading down to the Transfiguration room. "I guess you're holding onto part of you past and future at the same time, and that it represents something to you. Just remember that you have to let go sometime. You can't hold on forever you'll have to let go one day." He whispered pressing his lip gently to my forehead.

"I know just not yet." I replied hugging him tightly. "Thanks for carrying my bag; I'll see you in the meeting, okay?"

"Sure." He said pressing his lips to mine quickly before walking down the corridor and away from my sight.

I walked into the classroom carrying my heavy bag and took my seat, within minutes the bell had rung and the late students were given a mild telling off by Professor McGonagall, who constantly reminded each of us to be on time. She proceeded to walk to the front of the room where she stood counting each of us before proceeding, evidentially everyone was present. She slowly withdrew a small toad from within one of the many enclosures within the room. It almost seemed to be filled with various sorts of cages containing animals to be used during the lessons, anything from mice to large owls could be found in the cages during any given lesson, a change in animals meant that there would be a new challenge for each of us to complete, today it was toads. We had clearly moved on from transfiguring mice into bright purple cushions.

I watched as she carefully pointed her wand at the toad before her and clearly spoke the single word: _Duro, _to which the toad which had been croaking rather loudly stopped and promptly turned to stone before our very eyes. I watched as most of the class, several of whom had not been paying any form of attention until this point leant forward in their seats ready to pay attention to this spell. I had to admit, after reading about it in the textbook I knew it could have its various uses. I had on occasions imagined turning several less than pleasant class members to stone and turning them back before anyone actually realised. However it seemed rather pointless and like a waste of my time so I never bothered actually practicing the spell itself.

After several attempts I finally managed to transform the toad before me into a solid stone figure earning Gryffindor ten points in the process. I practiced the skill upon several other animals to which the spell became increasingly difficult before the lesson finished and I walked to the greenhouses to Herbology. We were still handling the venomous tentacular, which was a downright pain. They were most defiantly the most unpleasant plant I had the misfortune to have to handle. Even the mandrakes had been easier to handle, these were just tricky and rather selective about whom they would allow handling them. I was more than glad when the bell rang and I was free to walk to Snape's office to meet about our duties over the holiday period. However I suspected there may have been a hidden agenda behind this meeting, it seemed a little early to be discussing these plans when the holidays were still almost a month and a half away.

I reached the large stone gargoyle to which I muttered the word 'Slytherin' and it leapt sidewards allowing me to enter the large stone staircase concealed behind it. I walked quickly up the stairs not wishing to be late. I arrived to find both the men seated Snape behind his desk and Draco casually sitting opposite him as though nothing had been said between either of them. "Sorry I'm late, I had to run here from the greenhouses, had I been inside I would have been on time." I said taking my seat in a single chair beside Draco.

"Please try to be on time for the next meeting Miss. Granger." Snape sneered; he had not changed a single bit.

It was apparent that he barely spent any time in this office; there were very few objects that one could claim belonged to the Headmaster, the tables from Dumbledore's time in the school remained empty, the only objects upon them scrolls that appeared as though they had been left there unread. I looked about noticing that there was also very little light entering the office now also, as though Snape was attempting to keep the outside world away from him. He was either spending large amounts of time away from the school, which I suspected was the case or he preferred having few personal items in his office. Something told me it was most likely the first of the two.

I focused my attention back towards Snape, hoping that he was not asking us to bow to his every whim. Something I knew I could not do in the knowledge that this was the man that had ended the life of the previous Headmaster, he barely deserved the title he was now being given. I felt ill to my stomach thinking such things, but perhaps it was the eyes of the familiar Albus Dumbledore staring down upon me from the golden frame of his portrait but I knew something was not entirely right about Snape's appointment to Headmaster.

"Let me start my carefully explaining you duties to you over the holidays. Because as you would know the holidays tend to be a little more chaotic than usual, mainly due to the fact that there is an absence of classes. However there will be a significant lack of students spending their time within the castle this year and it is my hope that you will aid the teachers in helping the students remain disciplined as you have _already _been doing upon my request. I have no complaints as to your existing duties; they are being performed to an adequate level." He noted, it seemed to me as this was more of an interrogation than a meeting as though Snape was digging through our minds as we sat in these seats. I noticed a wiry smile spread across his face as I thought this, causing me to remember to keep a closer eye on my thoughts.

"During the holidays I would like you patrols to double therefore they will start half an hour earlier and finish half an hour later than they usually would, as there tends to be an increase in students prowling the corridors at night as Miss. Granger is well aware." He said almost as a snide remark. "I would also like you to both be aware that there is an upcoming ball that requires your attention which is to be held later in the school year. It is the wish of the school board that this ball be held in memory of Professor Dumbledore. I will however address you later as to this matter. It is important that you note that it will require careful planning from the both of you and you will be a large part of the organising of this ball. Is there any other matters that need to be discussed?" He asked in a bored expression, almost as though this was something he would have rather not be doing.

"Not at all." I replied quickly, not wishing to bring up anything with him.

"Well you are free to leave Miss. Granger; I however require a word with Mr. Malfoy." He said pointing to the door.

I left without another word, or another glance at Draco whom I suspected would rather be doing anything but having to spend even more time in the presence of Snape. I walked outside and took a seat under the large tree Draco and I often sat under during our free periods, the meeting had barely taken half an hour, there was a large amount of free time I had ahead of me. It seemed rather odd that Snape had allowed us so much time for such a short meeting, but perhaps he had been expecting something else to take up his time, like his private meeting with Draco. I lay under the cool shade of the tree, the cold wind sweeping across my face. It was almost another half an hour when Draco appeared looking rather disgruntled.

"What's wrong?" I asked bolting upright.

"Snape." He replied coldly. "He's not my Father he can't tell me what to do!" He cried angrily.

"What did he order you to do?" I asked taking his hand.

"Hermione, he asked me to do the one thing I could never do." He said pausing. "He asked me to break up with you."

"Why?" I asked shocked that a teacher could ask such a thing.

"Because, he says if Voldemort found out he would kill you, my family and then me. He's asking for too much of me. I don't want to serve him anymore. This time I'm not going to do as I'm told because I'm scared and I don't know any better. I'm not going to serve him or Voldemort ever again. I'm going to do what I want and follow my own path, because quite frankly, it's more pleasant anyway." He replied kneeling down to press his lips to mine.

"You're not going to serve _anyone_ again?" I asked quietly.

"_Never_." He replied, and despite the doubt one often felt as to the truth behind these words I could hear it in his voice. A soft echo that seemed to be screaming at me that he would never serve another master again, that he was going to live his life free of the people who tormented him and took away the last of his childhood. It was at that moment that I realised he was throwing away part of his life, and that sooner or later I was going to have to throw away part of mine.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The artists who inspire me._

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**Author's Note: **_Wow, even eight days doesn't seem like a long time since my last post, however note the fact that I uploaded a new story, yes a __**new **__story, which happens to be the sequel to A Love So Deep. I've had my work cut out for me this week! Basically, I'll be back to the one update a week for this, perhaps some weeks if I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with free time, perhaps two or three. Reviews as always are appreciated and much loved. _


	31. When Was The Last Time You Loved?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty One: When Was The Last Time You Loved?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_For an instant, love can transform the world."_

* * *

There truly is no other emotion that can match the power of love, and I have more than two reasons why I believe this with all my heart. For starters it can transform a person, dragging them from their previous life and throw them into a world that to begin with they might not be entirely comfortable with. But over time they grow to love it as they do the person who brought them to their new life, for me that was Draco. Not too many people are offered a second chance in the way I was and if Draco were not a part of my life I would imagine the life I would have lived as one wasted. The second reason I have for believing in the power of love concerns Harry. It may at times seem almost unbelievable, but I truly believe the greatest weapon we have in this war is love. If Voldemort is truly incapable of love why wouldn't it be his greatest weapon, the one his foe will attempt to use against him?

It does not always make sense that this is the greatest weapon Harry has, but one cannot deny that it has served him well in the past. He would not be alive if it were not for the love his Mother showed in sacrificing herself for him, sealing a powerful yet ancient spell which protects him from his greatest foe. However this has been destroyed, Lord Voldemort need no longer fear Harry's touch for it will not harm him. Harry now must run, no longer protected from Voldemort's touch, even at the Dursley's. Love truly is another form of magic, some would say the closest form of magic that Muggles shall ever achieve. This I actually agree with. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration as I desperately poured over several books looking for more information on the Goblin Rebellions of the Eighteen Century. Not an overly thrilling topic I can assure you.

I placed my arms out on the table before me and rested my face against them closing my eyes gently. The cool breeze blowing off the grounds drifted through the open window and across my body causing me to shake uncontrollably with shivers. I stood and walked over to close the window. It was quite unusual that the window was open, the library windows were rarely opened let alone in the midst of winter, that just seemed well and truly out of place. I grabbed one of the large dusty books and took the large armchair that sat before the fire and begun reading. Instantly the warmth from the flickering flames washed over me causing my shivering to come to a complete and utter halt.

It was late and the night sky was clearly illuminated by the large full moon and the stars that shone brightly through the gaps in the thick cloud cover that seemed to always hang above the school these days. I stared out the window for several minutes, entranced by the glowing of the moon, almost as though it had hypnotised me and I was no longer in control of my own body. I stood and wandered to the nearest window, opening it and allowing the frosty air to enter the room. I felt a pair of warm arms wrap lightly around my waist, the darkness washing over the room as the moon fell beneath the cover of the ever present clouds the room darkening immediately. I felt his warm breath against my neck as me placed his head on my shoulder removing a hand from my waist to play with a strand of my hair.

"I couldn't find you…" He whispered.

"I told you I was going to the library earlier." I whispered turning to face him.

"I must have forgotten." He said simply, I glanced at him something seemed different, he was pale and looked rather thin and drawn as though he had been ill for quite some time. I had failed to notice this until this moment; he had looked nothing like this, and that was only hours earlier.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

"You know what's wrong, don't try to pretend otherwise." He spat. "I'm a monster and you know it."

"Draco what ever has come over you?" I cried placing a hand to his forehead, his temperature was soaring, and for a human it was highly dangerous to be even half as warm as he would be. I gasped and withdrew my hand and tried to grab his hand.

"I have to go, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for what?" I cried. "We need to get you to the Hospital Wing before you cause any more harm to yourself!"

He laughed cruelly, "Harm myself? Are you truly more frightened about the harm I pose to myself when I could rip everyone within this castle to shreds without another thought?"

I stopped; I could not even begin to fathom what it was he was speaking of. I looked around in concern as if I was expecting to find a teacher standing somewhere in the vicinity. Draco must be mad with fever, with good reason too there was nothing even remotely normal about his temperature. I backed away slowly towards the window grasping the ledge for support my breathing increasing to a rate that mirrored that of someone who had been exercising for several minutes. He slowly walked towards me with a menacing grin, as though there was an entire part of the equation I was missing from this strange conversation. From a distance I could hear a wolf howling from within the forest, the open window carrying the sound through the library. Draco stopped suddenly.

"Draco?" I asked watching as the moonlight begun streaming into the room once more.

"Hermione." He said with a grin stepping into the small amount of moonlight that had begun streaming through the window mere seconds before.

A terrifying, blood curdling scream pierced the night. It was not from another as I had imagined but Draco, he fell to his knees screaming in agony. For a moment I was unable to see what was happening but as the moon encroached further into the room it was clear that he was transforming. _Transforming into a werewolf._ His limbs seemed to be elongating before my eyes in ways that seemed impossible and uncomfortable. His screams continued to pierce the night, yet I could not move. I was frozen with fear as I watched him turn from the man I loved into a monster. I watched transfixed in horror as his hands curled into paws, his fingernails lengthening and thickening. His eyes turning from the brilliant grey-blue I recognised to a murky yellow in the space of single blink.

He let out another scream as his mouth lengthened into a large snout, his teeth growing and several forcing their way through his gums. He screamed again as large amounts of hair begun to burst forth from every inch of his body, which had during this process continued to elongate. His clothes were left shreds upon the ground but the time the process had stopped minutes later. His body had become rigid as he lay there, that is when I heard it again, the howling through the open window. My eyes widened in horror as Draco leapt to his feet, hunched in a wolf-like fashion upon the ground glaring directly at me, torn between the howling and a victim.

I slowly backed into a corner; I was confused, scared and angry all at the same time. I felt the cool stone wall behind me rough in my hands. This was the sign that I was to die pressed helplessly against a wall. _Cornered._ I was to die at the hands of the man I loved unable to control himself. The tears begun to fall softly from my eyes, he had not told me any such stories that he was a werewolf. I told him _everything _and he failed constantly to mention to me that during the full moon he became and uncontrollable monster. I wept for both myself and him; I could not imagine how it would affect him wakening to find the damage he had caused. I felt his body pressed against mine, his large snout like mouth bearing down upon my neck.

His sharp, yellow, jagged teeth bare against my neck I heard him whisper in a human voice calmly to me. _"Wake up Hermione."_

* * *

With that I shot upwards, breathing heavily, gasping for air as though my lungs had completely stopped functioning in fear. My eyes were brimming with tears that had not fallen. The dream seemed so realistic, so terrifying, and so powerful. I had no words, I was unable to speak at the horror I had witnessed within my own mind. I grabbed the table before; I had not moved it had all been a dream, not a dream a terrifying and horrid nightmare. I sat there breathing heavily attempting to regather some form of my lost composure when I heard someone laughing from my right. I turned my heart in both shock and anger. Draco was standing there casually laughing at me, I fought back the urge to scream when I saw him glancing at the window to see that it was closes and the moon was merely a crescent in the night's sky.

"Having a bad dream?" He asked.

"You could say that. Please don't eat me." I whimpered.

"Why would I _eat _you?" He asked incredulously.

"Because you became a werewolf in my dream." I whispered unable to control the flow of words pouring from my mouth.

He had begun laughing at my words. He bent down and pressed his lips to mine. "I'm no werewolf, and to put the record straight I have no intentions of ever doing so."

"That's comforting to know." I noted pressing my lips to his.

"I thought you said you were studying, sleeping is not studying the last time I checked." He said to me looking at the place I had been sitting minutes before.

"I didn't mean to. I don't know… I…I… Must have been tired." I stuttered.

"Speechless in my presence. I like this." He said smiling at me.

"Don't flatter yourself if you watched me become a werewolf I'm fairly sure you would find yourself stuttering also." I said boldly.

"That would ruin all the fun though." He noted.

"Oh the shame that is fun wrecking." I replied melodramatically walking over to the table and gathering my books into my bag and rolling up the essays I had been working on.

"You are ruining my fun." He said taking my hand and walking me towards the door.

"You ruined mine but I love you for it." He said pressing his lips to mine softly.

"I love you for ruining mine also." I said. "I love you."

"And I love you." He whispered.

I could see in his eyes that he meant every word that he had spoken; I had fully meant every word I had spoken. I truly _loved _him, despite the less admirable qualities he often possessed I was able to see past these and see the person who lurked beneath the mask he wore. He was nothing like the person he pretended to be, the cold, harsh, almost cruel person vanished in my presence revealing the person who hid themselves away from the world. I felt that in his presence I could be who I truly was, I need not fear what others thought of me when in Draco's presence, because together we did not have to worry about the views of others, all that matter was that he loved me, and I loved him in return. That would always be good enough for me, hopefully that would always be good enough for him.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much, no-one else would sleep outside on the decking in a tent with me like we do. Nor would anyone else watch sad movies at the same time but that's why your my best friend._

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**Author's Note: **_I'd like to thank all my reviewers for helping me make it over the 70 reviews mark, another mark I never thought I'd reach and to think I am only thirty one chapters in! I'd like to wish you all a safe and happy holidays and I look forward to reading any reviews or messages when I get back!_


	32. When Was The Last Time You Messed Up?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Two: When Was The Last Time You Messed Up?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up."_

* * *

It is difficult to believe how easily one can mess up such a simple and often seemingly perfect situation and turn it into a nightmarish situation that one rarely wishes that they could find themselves in. Lately it seemed as though my life hung quite perfectly in the balance, a balance that sat atop the point of a very sharp knife it would seem, almost as though even a slight disturbance could destroy all I had achieved and worked for. There were topics to be avoided if one wished to remain anonymous among the student body, there were particular practices that one must avoid in order to remain from becoming the next of the Carrow's victims, I had already fallen victim to their torture once and I could say with certainty that I did not wish to become the next victim once again. The events of my life hung precariously in a balance I could not keep up forever. This worried me.

For when was I supposed to know when the moment would come that my life would finally fall to pieces once again as it had already once? How was one ever to know of such a fact, that precise moment where their life would change again not particularly for the better? I could feel the tension in the air, as though everyone was worrying, the torture inflicted upon those who earned themselves a detention for what ever reason, guilty or innocent did not deserve the punishment which they were given. Watching them struggle against the pain and torture of the Cruciatus curse was almost too much too bare. At times it was often too much to bear even having to witness such an atrocity; my heart ached for those who found themselves in such a position. I was sympathetic due to my own experiences in such situations.

I had never quite forgotten the pain I had felt during those moments or what seemed like hours of torture. It was difficult to believe that I was able to withstand them for even several seconds, even those few seconds left me wishing for death. I could not have thought of a more painful experience than that which I had faced. I still remembered clearly that it was Draco who had saved me; it was he who had rescued me that day. I could not even begin to imagine how different my life would have been had he not taken action. Would I even have had a life left when Professor Carrow had finished using me as a demonstration? In doing so he messed up, he was a target for the Carrows now, I watched onwards in horror as he was often picked to torture other students in front of the class, no-one walked away from such an atrocity unscathed. He would shake for hour afterwards, it was clear he was also sleeping less.

I too had been called upon several times, however never once had I been asked to perform any of the Unforgivable Curses upon these poor children, most of the time I merely had to stun them so that they would not run away from the next student. It was clear that there were some who were embracing such lessons, I believe for the first and most likely the last time Crabbe and Goyle were actually succeeding in classes. Professor Carrow thought them to be fine examples of what wizards should be, as opposed to us '_weaker, less experienced' _witches and wizards. I must admit, I believed Crabbe and Goyle to be the only two stupid enough within the class to actually go ahead and listen to the teacher fully, no-one else did it out of respect as they did, and they performed the terrible spells out of fear that they would be next. Fear proved to be a terrible thing these days, forcing people to the most atrocious of deeds.

Never did I think I would have to admit to not feeling safe as I slept in my bed each night. The enemy were within the once safeguarding walls of the castle, I no longer felt as though I could rest peacefully knowing that the likes of Amycus and Alecto Carrow alongside Severus Snape within the walls. It was not a fact one could find peace knowing. It would seem as though fear was driving most students to awake each morning, either that or the knowledge that they would soon be able to return home for the holidays and perhaps escape this madness for even just a short week. I did not have a family I could return to, I perhaps could go to the Weasley's but felt as though it would be intruding seeing as neither Harry nor Ron would be there for the holidays.

Draco was also choosing against returning for the holidays, he rarely spoke of what life was like for him at home, but as I imagined it neither would I. From what he had said it seemed as though the Death Eater's had set up camp within his house, I don't think even I would have liked to spend any time among them let alone having them within my house. It was an especially dangerous place for Draco to be due to the fact that he had pretty much gouged most of the mark from his skin. It was terribly scared but it did not exist as it had before, he claimed that it no longer burnt as strongly and with a little more mutilation it would completely stop. I was not entirely trusting in this plan. I was afraid that the experience of allowing him to gouge large chunks from within his arm might not be something he nor I would ever quite get over.

We sat alone for hours when not working late in the evening in the corridor the first instance of this had taken place within, discussing the possibilities, discussing ways other than ripping his own skin from his body to end this tie. He could see no other way, nor could I, but I liked to pretend in some way I could. The chill of winter was well and truly upon us, I had the sit right up against his warm body in order to remain warm. We spent most of the time in quiet conversation, I never would have picked him for the intelligent type but he surprised me. We could speak of all matters, from books, to the problems in society today, completely forgetting that outside a war raged onwards, but sooner or later we were brought back down to earth. Something would spark the reminder that there really was nothing left to celebrate in the world today.

For even the briefest of moments we could belong to a world that was entirely our own, where nothing but Draco and I existed, and I felt guilty for it. How could I pretend that we were the only people who existed for even a few minutes, how could I forget the thousands of other people struggling to survive among the war? How could I be _that _selfish and actually want to forget? When I spoke to Draco of this he took my hands in his and whispered that he too felt guilty for imagining such things, I was glad I was at the very least not alone. But it was a hollowing fact, one that reminded me of how the balance we kept was so delicate that even the most simple of things could tip it causing everything to turn into an unbearable mess once again. I feared that with less than five weeks until the holidays a little more trouble would be brewing than what was needed in the current climate.

I had noticed Neville recruiting students for Dumbledore's Army quite heavily recently. He thought I had fail to notice however he was not entire discreet with his selections, although I trusted them entirely he was not exactly careful when telling them not to approach the Gryffindor table in the mornings and other such issues that caught my attention particularly watching him attempt to duplicate the coins. I felt as though I ought to tell Draco about the Army, I just couldn't bring myself to without consulting the others, I felt it to be a breech of the basic understandings we held. One of which was that we did not allow Slytherins into the Army out of the basic idea that they sided with the teachers, however times had changed and this was no longer a matter of rebelling against Umbridge, these were basic defence lessons. Should we deny them to those who needed them?

But on the other hand, I could not ask, surely they would deny him admittance. It hurt to know they would do such a thing but distrust for the Slytherins had only grown over the past three months, I was sure that this matter would prove this. "Draco?" I asked softly as we sat upon the windowsill.

"Mmm…" He replied in response.

"What would you say if I asked you to become part of Dumbledore's Army?" I asked, knowing he would understand exactly what I was asking; he was after all there when we had been caught the first time.

"Is that still going?" He asked softly a hint of curiosity in his voice. "I thought that stopped years ago."

"We started it again so we could teach the younger students how to defend themselves, so that if they find themselves in the middle of the war they might actually stand a chance."

"That seems reasonable. Is it okay with the other members if a Slytherin is welcomed into your ranks?" He asked.

"They're just going to have to accept it." I replied. "They have to learn to accept many things these days and surely this shouldn't be much of a challenge. Plus your becoming much less of a Slytherin these days anyway."

"You tell me, if I am not a Slytherin what am I becoming?" He asked jokingly.

"I'm not sure, but you are becoming less like them." I said with a faint hint of hatred in my voice, hoping he would not hear it.

"I'll always _be _one of them that will not ever change, I just don't have to be _like _them Hermione." He replied in a somewhat angry fashion.

"It doesn't define who you are." I whispered in agreement.

"Exactly." He whispered. "I suppose I could come along and see what it is you do with the Army, I can't deny my personal need for defence considering the second I leave this place I will be hunted down like a common animal."

"I won't let that happen." I whispered. "Do you think it's going to be any different for me? I'm going to leave school and be forced into immediate hiding, I'm already wanted but they can't touch me here. They'll probably be waiting for me at graduation that's how bad I believe it will be."

"Have you ever considered… you know running away?" He asked.

"A few times. It just seems so easy, but it's almost a coward's way out. I always decide against it." I admitted. "I was close to it a few weeks ago, just before the hearing. Part of me wanted to run as far away as I could."

"Would you believe that I wish I could almost everyday?" He whispered. "There's only one thing that keeps me here."

"What graduating?" I asked.

"No, _you_."

The only sound to escape my lips was a simple "_Oh…" _I was shocked that he would even admit such a thing.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." He whispered.

"No! I'm glad you did." I replied quickly. "So are you going to come to the next meeting?" I asked.

"Sure, tell me when it is and I'll be there with bells on." He replied.

"Yeah and I'll see you tomorrow morning." I whispered kissing him gently before standing.

"Goodnight." He whispered remaining seated.

There were several things I was still unsure about with Draco. The first was why he never seemed to sleep in his dormitory at night, the reason he would sit for hours on end glancing out the windows of the school. I had not asked for surely it would be an answer I did not want to hear. There would have to be a good reason anyone would act as he did. I was unsure about why he did these things, but I was willing to accept them without question. He after all never asked me questions that he knew I would be uncomfortable answering. He never asked about the day I'd been left behind, or the days that followed where it seemed as though I was the world's personal form of a joke. No he accepted that part of me without question therefore I could accept his reasons for this behaviour without question. I feel asleep without losing another second considering why he did these things, I didn't need to know and I was happy not knowing.

I awoke rather early, I pulled on my robes and walked down to the Common Room, where Seamus, Neville and Ginny were sitting waiting for me. I smiled at them and walked happily to meet them. It was clear they had been discussing the Army in hushed whispers and I was thrown immediately into the conversation without anyone battering an eyelash. We were discussing the latest recruits in whispers when I finally managed to drag the topic that I had asked Draco to join into the conversation. Immediately the group fell silent and from that moment on I knew that I had messed up and I had messed up badly.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_"Teh Noobz" – You made Biology fun and every time we messed up all we could do was laugh._

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**Author's Note: **_This is more of a lead up to the next chapter, I decided I wanted less dialogue and more paragraphs in this chapter, which was the way I intended the series to be however it developed into a dialogue frenzy as of late, and I have decided to be more careful. Let me know what you think, we've crossed the 70 reviews mark as of Christmas Day! So let's keep it up! Happy New Years to all my readers!_


	33. When Was The Last Time You Healed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Three: When Was The Last Time You Healed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_A broken bone can heal, but the wound a word opens can fester forever."_

* * *

They say time heals all wounds but there are some wounds that are inflicted that cannot be healed. I sometimes felt that I would never really be able to move on from being tortured in front of the class, the pain always lingered in the back of my mind. I felt that Draco would never get over the helplessness he felt last year. I also felt Ginny would never really get over Harry, that if something were to happen to him she would not be able to move on, the wound remaining open and infected. It was one of those wounds, the ones that never fully healed. I knew that deep down each of us had one. Each of us had a wound that would never entirely heal. The only reason they remained open was the memory of what had caused them, never allowing us to move on.

I had to stand there, surely this would end sometime, Ginny was simply furious when I told them that I had asked Draco to join us. I had to stand there while she lectured me on the importance of friendship and consulting her friends before making rash decisions. Personally I thought it seemed a little harsh what she was saying, she was still acting as though Draco was a traitor, and although Neville and Seamus actually treated him humanly she failed to time and time again. Finally I had had enough, it may have been unfair of me, and completely harsh but I told her exactly what I thought of her prejudice against Draco, I also told her what I thought of her supposed _'friendship_'. I knew that in any normal situation I would never have said such things but it was high time she learned that no-one was perfect and it was ridiculous that she expected them to be.

It may have left us both beyond words with anger by the time we had both finished our ranting sessions, however there was a new level of understanding between us. An unspoken pact that we would never speak of what we had just said to each other in front of the entire House ever again. We just turned to our backs to each other and looked the other way, as though both of us were glad to have these thoughts off our chests. I grabbed my bag, and wandered down to breakfast where Draco sat at the far end of the almost empty Slytherin table, it seemed as though the average Slytherin was in not apparent need of breakfast. I sat down beside him and gulped down a large goblet of orange juice. He looked at me as if he knew already that something had gone wrong.

"What?" I asked.

"Did something go wrong?" He asked me strangely.

"No why do you ask?"

"Oh it's just the entire student population of Gryffindor House is staring at you." He replied smoothly. "Nothing major."

I turned to notice that he was in fact correct. As I did so mostly everyone who had bothered to stare at me turned around guiltily, at least they knew what they were doing was rude. It would have been worse if they, like several of the younger students who didn't understand continued to stare needlessly at me. I turned back to Draco feeling the stares of the countless students upon me once again. I was growing weary of such behaviour; things were difficult enough without such childish behaviour. I really was nothing to gawk at. I took in a deep breath to attempt to ease my ever growing anger which seemed to be rising above its usual levels today. I felt somewhat tired already having used a large amount of energy lecturing Ginny about our friendship.

When finished our breakfast we packed up our books and walked to the library to spend our free period seeing as outside had become out of the question with the sudden temperature drop. We sat in almost silence by the window side table working on separate essays. Draco had stopped writing, I noticed as there was the absence of his quill scratching along the parchment, it was then I noticed he was staring out the window at something. I too stopped writing, placing my quill aside. I too noticed the same figure struggling across the grounds. A small first or second year girl struggling to make it across the grounds she was stumbling and swaying as though she were intoxicated. Suddenly she collapsed upon the ground in a heap; she made no attempts to rise to her feet. Draco and I were suddenly on our own feet, I found myself running down the large flights of stairs Draco just behind me. I ran out through the large open doors and out onto the grounds towards the small girl.

The air burnt my skin as though it were made of fire, when in fact it was the sheer chill of the air that did this. I ran forward finding the girl exactly where I had seen her fall. She was freezing, shaking uncontrollably. I gathered her in my arms trying to warm her. She was a Ravenclaw, small no older than a second year. Her glasses lay askew on her face, her shoulder length black hair flying wildly across her face. Her shivering did not cease, I grew only more concerned. Draco had removed his cloak and placed it over her, I looked at him desperately. He looked at me as though torn between moving her inside or calling for help first.

"Take her inside." I said quickly. "I'll try to find help."

He gathered her in his arms nodding; I noticed the way her body twitched as he held her carefully. "Stop." I whispered recognising the symptoms, having experienced them myself once. "No-one can help her yet. We need to take her somewhere safe. She was a demonstration."

"You're not being serious? She's too young to be a demonstration; they would dare harm someone so young."

"They have and they can. Look at her! There's no other explanation for why she would have been outside at a time such as this, let alone experiencing tremors such as those. I've had it happen to me, it's the single most painful thing I have felt physically. They're going to be searching for her if she made it out of there on her own."

"How long do we need?" He asked quietly.

"We need to find somewhere to put her for twenty five minutes without running into Snape, or either of the Carrows. We can't take her to the Hospital Wing yet. She'll be in even more trouble for escaping." I replied as we hurried back into the castle carrying the small girl.

Luck was apparently on our side today, we came across no students as we rushed along the corridors searching for a broom cupboard or similar to hide within until a time we could ensure her safety. We found a spacious cupboard several corridors away, it was entirely empty aside from several old cauldrons and all three of us could fit easily within it. In an attempt to bring her shivering to a stop I conjured a jar and placed one of my portable flames within it. Soon the entire cupboard was warm enough that a cloak was not required and her shivering had stopped. I carefully watched her breathing, watching for any sign that she needed immediate medical attention. She seemed perfectly fine, aside from having fainted and still experiencing the strange tremors, actually she was doing quite well. At one stage I thought I saw her eyelids flutter, however she did not wake.

When the twenty five minutes were up Draco gathered her in his arms once again and we walked to the Hospital Wing where Madam Pomfrey was already attending to several other students who seemed to have suffered the same fate. Suddenly anger rose up within me. _Why was no-one doing anything about this? Why they ignoring the problem when so many people were being needlessly hurt? _I felt my jaw drop in horror at some of the small children that lay shaking in their beds, as though they had been there for days, their eyes blank and frightened. I could only imagine how I would have looked after such an ordeal. Particularly at such a young age. I walked over and examined one of the young girls who was openly weeping with her arms wrapped carefully around her knees. Never had I seen anyone looking as frightened as she did.

"It's alright. Everything's going to be fine." I whispered.

"How can everything be fine when life is like _this_?" She replied in a high pitched voice that shook with fear at her own words.

I stood there, unable to move; I too was scared by the power of her words. She spoke the truth which inevitably was the most frightening of all the things could have said. Her sentence lingered in the air more many seconds more than I would have expected, however once it had vanished from my ears it appeared in my mind, a lingering reminder of what the war had already cost these children, what it had cost us all. I moved quickly, yet at the same time in a daze to where Draco stood telling Madam Pomfrey exactly how we had found her and what we had done. She thanked him for not bringing her directly to the Hospital Wing, the sentence I never thought I would hear escape her lips. Apparently they had been flooded with students during the first period and she would not have been able to care for another. She did not comment on what she thought of this madness, however it was visible in her eyes that it saddened her but at the same time she looked frightened, as though she could barely take any more of this either.

She thanked us once again as she placed the poor girl upon a bed indicating for us to leave to get to our next class, which ironically happened to be The Dark Arts. We ran to the library and grabbed our bags and parchment before practically running to the classroom just in time for the role to be taken, luckily Professor Carrow was too busy basking in his own self-importance to notice that we were late. He was mumbling something about having several demonstrations for us today, with that I felt my stomach churn, I did not wish to see the cause of all that madness that occurred in the Hospital Wing, I never wanted to see anything of the sort again after the small girls words: _'How can everything be fine when life is like this?' _He walked along the rows of desks eyeing each of us off carefully before coming to a stop in front of the desk Draco and I sat at.

"Miss. Granger would you like to be the first to demonstrate to us the Cruciatus Curse please?" He asked menacingly.

I whimpered to myself frightened and unable to move. I managed to nod, in response so that he would have no excuse to ask again. I grabbed Draco's hand instinctively; I knew I was digging what was left of my nails into his soft skin, but he didn't seem to mind. I could barely move in the first place, nor did I want to. I slowly stood and withdrew my wand from within my pocket and walked shakily to the front of the room. I stood there awaiting the student I would have to cause this pain to, the student who was so _deserving _of such a terrible fate. The door opened and Neville walked in quickly, he stared at me in pity, as though he felt sorry for me having to be the one to do this. He joined me at the front of the class where all I could do was stare, my wand lying limply within my hand.

There was no healing from this; I would never be able to forget the words the girl had spoken, the look in Neville's eyes before I caused him so much pain I could barely stand the thought of it. I raised my wand the tears pouring from my eyes as I did so, my hand shaking, my lip quivering as I struggled to find the words I so desperately wished to speak. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, too scared to do anything by stare holding my wand within one hand. The words still ringing within my ears uncomfortably as though I would never be rid of them. _'How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

"I'm sorry Neville." I cried.

He just stood there as I pointed my wand at him, the words ringing in my mind like a broken record.

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

With that I opened my mouth and did the single most horrific thing I had ever done in my life: Whispered the word '_Cruciatus' _

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The inventor/s of Malteasers, my life would have been incomplete without you genius invention._

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**Author's Note: **_I'd just like to say Happy New Year, I hit the little submit button at precisely 12am on the 1/1/10. So I'm hoping it's a nice New Year present for all my brilliant readers. :D_


	34. When Was The Last Time You Needed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Four: When Was The Last Time You Needed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_When the heart dares to speak, it needs no preparation." _

* * *

_I wish you were here. _

_Hell does not even begin to describe the nightmare this place has become, I can barely sleep for fear and anxiety plague even my dreams. _

_I wish that I could have come with you. _

_I wish that you were here, for you would know what to do and how to make it better._

_I wish things were different._

_The truth is, I need you…_

These were some of the single most difficult words I had ever written in a letter. I never imagined feeling any of the emotions that would lead to me writing a desperate plea such as this, but in the current time, and in my current state of mind it seemed as though it was the only logical thing to do. They may never receive the letter, they may never understand fully what horrors I spoke of, but at least they knew that I could barely stand but another day within this place. This place that had become so terrible and so different from the one I used to love. That place seemed like a shadow, a distant memory of the place that once was, now replaced with a dark and forlorn building that could only be described as hell-like. It was not a place I imagined having to remain within, I'm sure I was not the first to imagine myself fleeing from it's confines late in the night never to be seen within the building again.

Yet I could not leave. I had to remain within the place I so desperately sought an escape from. Never would I have thought I would be desperate for an escape from the place I once called home. Yet there was only one anchor that tied me to this place, and that was Draco. He had stated that I was his reason to remain, and now he was mine. I carefully folded the parchment and sealed it. I wrote the letters, _H.J.P_ across the front and placed it carefully within the beak of one of the schools larger owls, unsure if they were near or far. I whispered carefully to the owl that it was to deliver the letter to Harry James Potter, and to no-one else. I trusted that the bird would know where to find him, they always seemed to. I watched sadly as the feelings that had been bottled away within me flew away in the simple contents of a letter. As though they were so trivial they could be written on a piece of parchment.

Ever since I had been forced to torture Neville in front of the entire class I had barely spoken a word. The only word that had escaped my lips in over a week was '_Sorry' _and that had been to Neville. Yet nothing, _nothing _could take back what I had done. There was no way of gaining forgiveness for such a terrible crime against another human being, there was no way I could ever feel whole again knowing that I had taken the easy option of what was right. I could no longer sleep at night and I would lie awake endlessly unable to sleep, unable to close my eyes for fear of seeing _it _again in my mind. It did not help that I could hear the small girl's haunting words continuing to ring, over and over again within my mind. This time there was no end to it, it just continued on for eternity.

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

'_How can everything be fine when life is like this?'_

I felt physically ill from what I had done, and as much as Neville had forgiven me, I could not accept that he too was completely over the event. It haunted me constantly and not a moment went by that I did not think of what I had done, I could forget, I could never do such a thing. I moved silently from the Owlery to the tree which Draco and I sat beneath during our free periods. I placed my arms around my knees and wept, there was no-one to stop the tears, I was alone to face my darkest and deepest fears. The fears that had been silently eating away at me for a week, and I knew that soon if they did not relent they would continue to do so forever.

The rain fell heavily upon my skin, burning with its bitter chill. Tearing away what was left of the mask I fought so hard to keep. I felt better at the rain washed away my tears, drenching my skin, soaking through my clothes before reaching my flesh. I felt more human than I had in a while. I just wanted it to end, the pain to go away so that perhaps I could move on with my life. But it became clear that was not an option; I would have to fight it first. I would have to face it before it became a less powerful part of who I am. In reality, I just wanted to be rid of it altogether so that I could feel human once more, that that I might be able to feel love again, that I could feel the warmth of the fires heat upon my skin, so that I could see the bright and shimmering lights as they reflected off the icicles in the early morning light.

"You're utterly drenched." Draco's voice whispered in my ear.

I didn't respond, I sat there like a breathing gargoyle, too lost within my memories to move. I continued to sob with no sense of control, as though it didn't matter any longer who saw me and in what state I was in at the time. Nothing mattered anymore. I felt his arms wrap around me, my breathing becoming uncontrolled and difficult to manage as I struggled to find enough air to fill my lungs. It seemed as though my body too was giving up as my mind had already done so.

"Don't give up…" He whispered. "There's hope yet. Things may change."

I shook my head, still unable to speak.

"Things _will _change Hermione. They always do. Nothing remains the same forever."

I struggled to find words to say what I wished to say, did that mean he would leave me? Was he trying to tell me that even we could not survive together until the end of our days?

"Does this mean that we're over?" I managed to squeak.

"No! No, no, not at all!" He replied in worried looking voice. "I wasn't implying that at all."

"Ok." I replied returning to my silence.

"What I was saying is that not everything will stay the same. You of all people know this. Why can't you accept it? I know it's hard, you've had to deal with so much already, but it's almost as though you're not going to survive the next event that breaks you. Because fear and sadness aren't a shield, Hermione, you can't hide behind them forever. Because they dull the pain, they never get rid of it entirely. It makes you more fragile to the affects of pain. I should know, I've watched you struggle with everything all year and it doesn't seem to be going away or getting better. If anything it's been getting worse, and that's because you refuse to face it. If you did you'll realise that you're stronger than you think. You can survive your guilt Hermione. I survived mine."

His words shattered the constant ringing of: _'How can everything be fine when life is like this?' _For the first time in over a week it stoped. I let out a small gasp, grabbing my face instinctively as though part of me that had long vanished had suddenly returned. I could finally find words, something I had been struggling to do all week.

"It stopped." I whispered. "It's finally stopped."

"What's stopped?" He asked.

"All week I've been able to hear the words the girl spoke to me in the Hospital Wing: _'How can everything be fine when life is like this?' _All week they've been haunting me, but now, now they've finally stopped. I can't hear them more, Draco. They're gone!"

"For the first time in a week you actually sound like yourself." He replied taking my hands in his.

"I think finally I might be able to move on. I think I'm ready to."

"Are you sure?" He asked. "Or would you like to spend another hour crying in the pouring rain?"

"I need more time. But I'm ready. I just to gather my thoughts a little. You go inside." I whispered.

"Okay," He whispered kissing my exposed neck. "I'm there if you need me."

"Thanks." I whispered in response remaining sitting upon the cold wet ground, my arms wrapped carefully around my knees once again.

I remembered that it was Draco who always found me; he was the one who waited patiently for me as I struggled to find myself beneath the mess that often became my life. He never seemed to care even when I became a complete and utter mess, he would be the one to find me and he still did not care. He did not care that I was a mess at these low points in my life, he did not care that I often struggled to find my way through the darkness. Because he was one who stood waiting for me at the other end holding the light that guided me home. He was the reason I continued to fight through the darkness. I realised then, that I never told him how much that meant to me and it became clear that I had to do so, not only for myself but so he knew too what it meant to me.

I got up abandoning my spot beneath the tree, revealing a place the rain had yet to touch and ran, I ran faster than I had ever ran in life towards the castle. Everything seemed to become a blur as I ran nothing else mattered at this moment besides him. I made it through the doors and into the Entrance Hall where I found him almost at the top of the stairs.

"Draco!" I called running after him. "Draco!"

He stopped turning quickly on the spot as he heard my voice ring through the large Entrance Hall. I stood there at the foot of the stairs staring up at him; he too was drenched from having braved the outside weather to see me. To help me overcome the fears that had been weighing me down so heavily. I found myself sprinting up the stairs, and as I reached him I flew into his arms and pressed my lips to his with a gentle force. Her returned this, wrapping his arms around my neck, tangling his hands within my drenched mop of hair.

"I love you." I whispered my forehead against his. "And although I don't admit it as much as I should, I need you. I always will."

With that I tilted my head ever so slightly and kissed him once more, to the sound of a great eruption of cheers and wolf whistling of all those present in the Entrance Hall at the time. At last I didn't feel half as bad as I had, I knew that there was someone who could help see me through my fears, that there would be someone waiting for me at the other end of a tunnel, someone who held the light.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Charli, my dog although I don't admit it, sometimes I need you as much as you need me. However, you only need me to feed you._

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**Author's Note: **_Here it is, the second of my update-weeks. This one, I decided to start on the first of January and if will extend until January the seventh, so be prepared for some emails all thirty seven of my readers with me on story alerts! This is the second day, five more to go!_


	35. When Was The Last Time You Provided?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Five: When Was The Last Time You Provided?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_The earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed." _

* * *

It seemed so very long ago that I had finally accepted the help I needed to move past the fears and darkness that were consuming me. Reality told me that it was only three days. Yet in my mind it seemed as though I had been raging war against my self for what seemed like forever, and I was only just beginning to get the better of the enemy after many months of fighting. It seemed strange that I would describe what I was fighting as a battle, but for me, the person fighting my own personal demons it was the hardest battle I had ever had to face so far. This of course was not easy to admit, I had seen my fair share of battles in my time but on an emotional level this one had affected me in ways that no other had before. I felt emotions so powerful I would never thought them real before this point in my life, I knew I could survive them.

I noticed a change in the way Draco treated me almost as though I were a fragile piece of glass, as though he was worried I would break should he say the wrong word. I was easing him away from this impression slowly, knowing that it was possible I perhaps shouldn't rush things knowing that he had faced emotions similar to this in his life; he had spoken from experience after all. I had struggled thus far, my first challenge gaining Neville's forgiveness once again was singularly the most difficult part of the healing process. Draco had told me that not everything about moving on was easy, there would be times where I would struggle and times I would wish that I could just move on without going through all the necessaries, yet in a way I was finding comfort in knowing that this was freeing me from my guilt and the darkness that surrounded my mind, perhaps once free of these things I would finally be able to live with a form of happiness once again, as I had many weeks ago.

Neville had taken the apology as well as could have been expected, he did not laugh it off this time, I figured perhaps someone had spoken to him about this beforehand. There was no way you could apologise about what I had done to him; there was no way to say sorry for causing him so much unbearable pain. But I felt what I had said in my apology could at least begin to make amends, perhaps it had been my choice to willingly do so, no matter how wrong I believed it to be. I had done so to avoid the same fate and he knew this, I had admitted it. Yet he was apologising also, apologising for placing himself within the situation in the first place. He claimed that it was wrong of him to place another in a situation that compromised their beliefs as a human being, yet he had no choice. By the time I had finished speaking I had felt tired and ill, as though the effort that the apology had required emotionally had almost been too much. Yet the guilt had lifted slightly. I had hope that one day it would be gone completely.

The holidays were almost upon us, and there was an outbreak of rule breaking in the lead up to the holidays, students who had obviously considered it the appropriate time to release the remainder of their Dungbomb collections or some of those fireworks Fred and George had invented. The teachers were weary also, they were careful in their punishments of such acts, they could not appear to be lenient, however most wished to spare the students from the cruelty of the Carrows who I had heard were chaining students up in the dungeons now. How had I heard this? I heard it from none other than Luna Lovegood, who for reasons unbeknownst to even her had found herself hanging by the wrists overnight in the dungeons. She had claimed that there were several students however we could not check. Draco and I while patrolling the corridors had chanced a look but had found the place Luna had described under the watch of Filtch.

I was concerned for the students who had been tied up within the dungeons; Luna had showed me her wrists which were horribly bruised despite Madam Pomfrey's best efforts. In the end she deemed that there was little more she could do and allowed Luna to leave the Hospital Wing in light of another group of students who had been demonstrations. The pranks and breech in school rules had not ended with these mere tricks of the younger students, the older students, I also suspected Neville to be a part of it were writing large graffiti sentences such as '_Dumbledore's Army, Still Recruiting._' or '_Long live Potter!_' on various walls throughout the school. I suspected that was what Neville may have been caught doing by the Carrows. I also suspected that Ginny was in some form involved in these acts. I however only had my suspicions although I was certain that Seamus had not been involved in any of these instances.

I was walking the corridor on a late night patrol; it was well past my usual completion time however in light of all the recent events I stayed out just a little longer than usual. I noticed that it was quiet, the moon was completely concealed by the clouds and there was total darkness upon the castle, the only light from the large lanterns stationed along the corridors at night. I stopped by a large window that overlooked a large portion of the grounds, the portion that contained the large white marble tomb of Albus Dumbledore. I noticed a dark shape moving across the grounds, they were wearing a cloak that concealed their face. It was impossible to tell whether this was a woman or a man. I noticed the shape of another moving towards them, they had gathered just meters away from the tomb. The moon moved slowly from behind the clouds flooding the cold dark grounds with light. In the light it revealed none other than Severus Snape, his dark hair fluttering wildly in the wind speaking to the hooded figure. The wind grew more violent as they spoke. The trees swayed violently in the wind, some looking as though they were going to be ripped from the ground, roots and all.

Finally the wind tore the hood away from the face of the figure revealing the most terrifying man I had ever seen. _Lord Voldemort_ stood upon the school grounds, speaking to Severus Snape. They spoke calmly, as though there was no possibility of anyone seeing them. I felt a hand grasp my shoulder, in fright I let out a small scream that I quickly stifled to avoid anyone hearing me or becoming alarmed. I heard him attempt to hush me, whispering that it was alright. It became clear suddenly that it was Draco; he was the only other person who would dare walk the corridors this late at night other than a teacher. He was also the only one who would dare sneak up upon me and touch me. He would be the only person I would not attempt to hex for such a fright, if it were anyone else they would most likely already be upon the ground, either frozen or turned to stone.

I turned to face him; he was staring at Snape and Voldemort as I had done but with a look of concern upon his face. He shuddered strangely as he tore his eyes away from the grounds. There was a way to which he shuddered, as though frightened and unsure. Almost as though every hope he had that perhaps things would change for the better had been shattered into thousands of countless pieces. He shook his head sadly turning from the window. I saw the loss of hope in his eyes, the same empty expression I had seen in the eyes of Lavender and the small girl in the Hospital Wing, the same expression I had noticed becoming far too common among the students.

"It's all over…" He whispered. "We haven't got a hope in hell of winning this war."

"We do!" I cried. "We have to have hope."

"What do we have that can defeat _that_?" He asked.

I smiled instinctively as the answer came to mind. "We have Harry."

"What can he do?" He asked. "He's the Chosen One, does that even mean _anything?" _

"Draco. It. Means. Everything."

"Oh how the cards have turned." He noted. "Only a week ago I was the one comforting you."

"_That _down there means_ nothing_. I know it's hard to see the light in the world sometimes, I know everyone wants to be able to see the good in the one's they look up to, but sometimes it just isn't there. It's not worth pretending it is sometimes."

"He was like the Father I never had, look at what he has become. It's barely human, a vicious cold-blooded killer who is under the employ of a Master who will use him until every last ounce of goodness is gone."

"Do you speak from experience?" I asked softly.

"I don't speak about last year for a reason. It hurts to talk it, about what happened to me, the monster I was prepared to come to achieve power. It sickens me; it actually makes me feel physically ill at times to think of how low I stooped. To think that I actually allowed this to happen to me. That I was eager to prove myself."

"Did you have a choice?" I asked.

"I never really did, but if I could go back I'd say no. I would have been killed, my family would have been hunted down, but any fate is better than the one I chose willingly, the one chose to prove myself."

"It's time you let go of all that, and moved on. We can move on together." I said with a smile taking his hand in mine.

"Are we ever really to forget our pasts and move on?" He asked.

"No, but sometimes we have to, so that we can begin to live in the present instead of the past." I said taking his hand and leading him away from the window, never sparing another thought wondering what Snape and Voldemort were discussing.

* * *

All was quiet in the Common Room, no-one was speaking there was a quiet that filled the room, almost as though something terrible had happened and they were unsure of what to say or what to do in a situation. By the time I had made it back to the dormitory last night there was not a single soul awake in the dormitory. I was the only one, not even the fire was alight, the embers faded away completely. I had gone to bed glad that I could close my eyes and block out the frightening face of Lord Voldemort, his red eyes and snakelike features. I could not get the image from my mind, and inevitably I ended up dreaming of his eyes watching me in my dreams, it was enough to leave me near screaming point when I managed to wrench myself from the dream.

I noticed Ginny crying as she was comforted by Seamus. I immediately ran to her side where she stood and hugged me tightly, crying and speaking words that did not seem to fit together in any form of sentence. Words such as: Carrows, Neville, Sword, Snape, Steal and Stupid. I hugged her tightly again trying to comfort her but she seemed to be almost beyond being able to be comforted. It must have been big what ever had happened, something terrible. It took something terrible to bring tears to the eyes of Ginervra Weasley, and she was crying bucket loads of them. She stopped minutes later, finding enough composure to begin to tell me what had happened.

"It was so stupid!" She cried. "We thought we could steal the Sword of Gryffindor from Snape's office, as you know our way of showing our support for Harry and Ron and to show that we were opposing the Carrow's and Snape's rules and discipline at Hogwarts. Neville saw Snape leaving the castle, and he thought that he was leaving for a little longer than a few minutes so he sent Luna, and I a message using these coins he made for us earlier. He made one for you too, he told us to meet him in the third floor corridor. When we got there he told us that Snape had left and that it was our chance. We decided that now was our best chance to steal the sword. We planned it weeks ago! I never actually thought we'd go ahead and steal it!"

"Were you caught?" I asked quickly.

She nodded, "We had it. We actually had it in our hands. For a few brief moments I held the sword Harry slew the Basilisk with." She said with awe in her voice. "But we were caught. We ran into the Carrows on the way out. They got a hold of Neville and dragged him to the dungeons, followed by Luna and I. They chained us to the walls by our wrists, and I was sure they were going to kill us, the looks in their eyes but I escaped. I don't know how but I did." She said looking away from me.

"Where are they?" I asked. "Where are Neville and Luna?"

She stuttered slightly answering me, as though she could barely bring herself to answer. "Sti…ll down t…th…there."

I grabbed my cloak immediately, knowing what had to be done. Usually I would not have done anything this rash, I would have considered my options before acting, but now was the time strike. The Carrows were at breakfast each morning, leaving the students in the dungeons unprotected. I ensured I had my wand before I jogged quickly from the Common Room towards the Entrance Hall. It was early in the morning; lessons did not start for another hour, an hour in which to free Neville and Luna, and anyone else I could find down there. I watched as the Carrows walked into the Hall followed closely by Snape, they seemed to be discussing something quite loudly; I used this as my opportunity slipping down a corridor that lead to the dungeons and away from sight.

I knew I had to be careful, I ran the risk of running into many Slytherin students if I was not careful. I walked quickly along the corridor to the door that was once guarded by Amycus, yet this time it remained unguarded. Some part of me hoped that they would be stupid enough to even leave the door unlocked, but I had to hand it to them, they could actually remember to lock a door. However not many door would remain entirely locked. I pulled my wand from within my robes tapping the lock, hearing the loud clicking noise it made as the door unlatched itself. Once I would have needed the incantation yet I needed it no more. I quickly slipped inside knowing that there was not a second to waste.

"_Lumos_." I whispered my wand emitting a bright light from its tip.

I was immediately confronted with the image of three students hanging upon the wall directly in front of the door. I stifled a gasp and I ran forward to the one that appeared to be Neville. He mumbled something to be as I used my wand to unlock the chains that held him up by the wrists. He fell to the ground with a thud as the last of the chains became free. I sat him upright before moving to Luna followed closely by Colin Creevey, who turned out to be the third figure in the room. Colin was able to find his feet quickly, he explained that he was placed there only several minutes before I appeared, having been caught wandering the corridors out of hours earlier. He helped me support Neville and Luna as we walked from the room, as I turned back to face the wall I decided to leave a note for the Carrows, to remind them that the pain they were causing would not be worth it. I turned my wand upon the wall and scribbled: _Long Live Potter. _Upon the wall leaving it etched into the rock of the wall.

With my final message I slammed the door behind me, locking the door once again. Colin helped me support Luna and Neville until I ran directly into Draco after passing quickly through the Entrance Hall, the large number of students attending breakfast disguising us easily. He looked at me in concern, we must have looked quite strange, I was after all supporting two near-passed out human beings. He immediately rushed to help me help Luna, but I realised Colin was struggling and told him to take Neville. I was unsure where to take them, there was no-where I could take them that was safe from the Carrows. _Or was there?_

"Draco… Where do you sleep?" I asked quickly realising I had never seen him walk in the direction of the dungeons.

"Is this relevant?" He asked.

"Entirely, tell me please." I begged.

"The Room of Requirement." He replied quickly.

"Take us there." I replied.

"What good will that do?"

"These people need a safe place to live, a place they can be healed and not have to fear the Carrows. Draco they need somewhere, and it looks like we're providing it."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_J.K Rowling, you have written the single most amazing series in resistance, and I wish to thank you even if you never see this for giving me something to read for the past decade and something to write when I'm feeling inspired._

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**Author's Note: **_We have some major events in this chapter, yes Ginny, Neville and Luna have stolen the Sword and the first of the students are about to move into the Room of Requirement. You also know where Draco sleeps at night. Yes this was a very important chapter. Hope you liked it. Please leave a review to let me know you passed by._


	36. When Was The Last Time You Whispered?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Six: When Was The Last Time You Whispered?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Goodness speaks in a whisper, evil shouts."_

* * *

Whispers followed me about the castle, particularly when Draco was with me. The students who knew that it was we who had removed Neville, Luna and Collin from the dungeons did not speak of this, it were the one's who were gossiping and guessing that whispered as we passed. There were whispers among the students, that we were the one's to see if you sought refuge from the Carrows, yet I was unsure of how to handle this. I could not be seen allowing students to simply waltz into the Room of Requirement because they deemed that they needed to. I could only offer it to those who needed it most desperately. With the holidays a month away I hoped that the students who had already bravely requested my help could wait. Perhaps after spending the holidays with their families, perhaps they might not be so desperate. Perhaps the whispering that followed my every move would cease and I could think freely and without guilt.

I had been spending a large amount of time within the Room of Requirement, Neville, Luna, Ginny and Draco were all permanent residents of the room, particularly after their escape which I aided they had to tread particularly careful when in the presence of the Carrows who were searching for any excuse to hang them by the wrists in the dungeons again. Luckily they had not been punished too severely following their escape; Snape had spoken to each of them and given them a detention in the forest with Hagrid. I was shocked at his leniency; I had at least expected them being handed over willingly as demonstrations. Yet for once Snape had showed something beyond his cruel prejudice against the Gryffindor's and let them off relatively lightly. A shock to all involved I can assure you! It was perhaps more of a shock to me when I realised he knew I was involved in the escape.

I was unsure of how he could be certain yet there was no doubting it as I sat opposite him in his large spacious office. I could see it in his dark eyes. He placed his hands folded upon the desk as though pondering something deeply. Sadly his attempts to intimidate me were falling quite short, I had faced the glare of Dolores Umbridge, it took a great deal more to frighten me these days. He breathed in deeply as though considering carefully what it was he was planning to say. I straightened myself carefully in my seat beginning to feel slightly nervous, the sudden realisation that there was no possible way he could know that it was me who had rescued Neville, Luna and Collin from the dungeons doing nothing to help ease the uncertainty I felt. But I remembered there was every possibility that my scrawling upon the wall had left a trace to me, perhaps he could tell it was my handwriting, perhaps I had left something behind. I finished my goblet of water and placed it front of me.

"I have been carefully considering what form of disciplinary action to take against you Miss. Granger." He said darkly. "It has come to my attention that perhaps you played some role in the freeing of Mr Longbottom, Creevey and Miss Lovegood. However admirable and courageous your actions were they were still wrong and you must be punished accordingly for these. Perhaps being one of Potter's friends has given you a false sense of the rules."

"I was asleep during the entire thing; anyone in my dormitory can vouch for me Sir." I replied carefully.

"Unfortunately there is no-one to vouch for you Miss Granger, I have already checked, both Miss. Patil and Miss. Brown were absent from the dormitory at the time, and it would be merely your word against the evidence."

"What evidence Sir?" I asked.

"Let me begin with the mysterious message upon the wall, wandless and in the condition they would have been in after spending the night chained to a wall I wouldn't imagine any of the three capable of performing wandless magic, let alone carving a message into solid stone. What do you take me for a fool?"

I sat there bearing no emotion, that would have been foolish to do in the current situation. "No, Sir. In fact quite the contrary."

His lip curled unpleasantly as though I had managed to get on his nerves. I could remember clearly the way in which his lip would curl during class if you managed to find yourself the victim of his temper.

"Evidently you are smart, especially if you managed to outwit the greatest wizard of the age, gaining his trust enough to be within his most trusted of _friends _and advisors." I added, emphasising the word '_friends' _attempting to see whether it would hit a nerve. I was unsure whether one would call them friends however I assumed it was so.

"Do not speak of that which you don't understand and shall never even begin to comprehend!" He retorted angrily.

I smiled to myself; I _had _managed to hit a nerve. "What do you intend to do Sir?" I asked, "Because personally this charming little conversation could continue all day, but I have classes to attend and other matters of importance to attend to. I am sure also that Draco is awaiting my return to lunch." I added on the end.

"You do nothing to deserve one of such pure blood. His love is merely a game to you, a means to achieving your ends." He said.

"What would that end be? Because the last time I checked, the end looked pretty bleak for me, in fact it was so bleak it didn't _even _exist. How could I use him to achieve and end that doesn't exist?" I asked.

"You play a clever game Miss. Granger, perhaps you are more intelligent than I give you credit for." He said warily.

"Is there some problem you have with me being at the school? Because the last time I checked I called this place home and so do you. Would you want to be forced from your home simply because of your blood status, would you want to lose everything you have left because you refused to reveal where you best friends, the last hope any of us have are hiding? Because to me, it would seem as though I am the one who is being used. I am here because I have no other options, I wouldn't alive if I was out there and trust me, sometimes I wish I was. I am here as the result of my best friends choices." I said breathing in before considering continuing.

"I am here because this is what they wanted for me despite it going against everything I wanted. Tell me if that's fair because I certainly don't see it. I know what it's like to be used; I'm being kept here so perhaps they will never find my blood on their hands. I'm here to learn more so that when I get out there I can use it against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I'm being trained as a weapon. So don't you _ever _imply that I would use Draco, because the truth is, knowing what it feels like, I don't want to force it upon another." I spat, grasping my mouth suddenly realising what I had said, they were my deepest, thoughts, the ones that remained locked away at all costs.

I grabbed the goblet in front of me and smelt it carefully. _Veritaserum_. Snape smiled, "But perhaps not intelligent enough."

"I can't believe I forgot to check." I replied the words _'Constant Vigilance' _coming to mind suddenly, the truth continued to spill from my lips uncontrollably. "I should have suspected you would be capable of spiking my drink with such a potion. It is something only one like _you, _a _traitor _would do. We trusted you, we trusted you with everything and _that _is how you repaid us. I was trying to convince Harry that you had changed, he refused to believe me and now I wish I hadn't even tried."

"Where are Harry and Ron?" He asked carefully.

"I don't know, they were at Number Twelve Grimmuld Place until after the hearing, they moved after that. I don't know where they are." I replied.

"Are they in correspondence with you?"

"N…N…Yes." I replied the words being forced from my lips despite my best efforts to conceal the truth. "Stop this please. You don't need to know any of this, it's not vital. I don't care if your _master _wants this information. I don't want you having so stop before I do something I'll regret. Please?" I whispered the begging and pleading clear within my voice.

"One last question; did you or did you not aid the escape of those trapped in the dungeon?"

"We both know the answer to that. Yes. Yes I did and I would do it again if it meant that someone would be saved from that terrible and medieval punishment. No-one deserves that." I said standing and walking away from the desk.

"What do you want from Draco Malfoy?" He asked as I reached the door.

"Nothing except the chance to love and be loved in return." I replied.

"Do you love him?" He asked softly.

"Yes, more than anything." I said opening the door and leaving the room.

To say I was irked by his attempt to see into my mind and take such vital information so forcefully would be somewhat of an understatement. I was disgusted in myself that I could not restrain myself any better than I had. I had failed both myself and Harry and Ron. The only people who will have benefited from that conversation if it could be called as such were Snape, Draco and perhaps if ever given the information - Lord Voldemort. Perhaps now that Snape knew the truth about Draco and I, that it was not some façade, that it was a real relationship, perhaps he would not attempt to destroy it. Perhaps for once he would allow his better half to take control and do something for others for once, perhaps he could actually put others first.

I could feel the affects of the potion wearing off, I no longer felt compelled to be truthful with every question I asked myself. I still could not believe that I had allowed myself to drink something offered by the known enemy. Yet for a second I had forgotten that he was the cause of Albus Dumbledore's death. I had allowed myself to somehow forget this, and fallen deep within a trap I could not squirm my way free of. I had not known I felt used by Harry and Ron, as though I were being trained as weapon, this must have been locked away deep within my subconscious brought to light by Snape's meddling. Yet for some reason with everything he now knew he had allowed me to walk free, without punishment. This was of course odd, particularly in my eyes yet at a stage such as this in the war you took what ever freedom you could get and used it to the utmost advantage. I ran to tell Draco what had happened, he of course knew of the meeting, he also knew that I was guilty of freeing Neville, Collin and Luna. They of course had no objections to this.

Unable to find him at lunch I walked to my next class, Arithmancy without seeing him. I felt rather sad about this but it was part of the gamble of actually attending the meeting, I knew there was a chance that potentially I may have even been chained up myself therefore I would not have seen him for quite some time. I sat drawing up the complicated number chart Professor Vector had written upon the board pondering the true value of these classes in the real world. Was there a real value in all this for me? Was there a value in any of my education in a world so war torn, a world that desired nothing more than my capture? I enjoyed the rush that this information gave me as I absorbed it, but it was nothing more, there was no value. What good could Harry and Ron take from it? I decided now was the time, that if I was going to do anything to rebel against authority and the punishments that had become almost normal here now was the time.

At the completion of my last three classes: Arithmancy, Muggle Studies and Transfiguration I moved as quickly as I could to the Room of Requirement where I ran into Neville lingering just meters away from the entrance, waiting for the corridor to clear of students before disappearing from sight. I stood beside Neville waiting for the corridor to clear.

"You better get your coin out Neville, we're having going to have a meeting." I whispered to him, a fire igniting someplace deep within his eyes, almost as though at last the moment had arrived, the war had truly begun.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Mother, who feeds my love of literature with trips to the bookstore._

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**Author's Note: **_Four down, three to go. Yet another week almost gone, and the end seems to be drawing ever nearer. Last night when I found myself with nothing to do, I drafted up the last part of chapter one hundred. Trust me it's going to be one _long _chapter. But for now my focus shall remain on these chapters and the murky and troublesome waters this portion of the story is heading into. Leave a review to let me now you passed by this way, I enjoy seeing your thoughts on the story._


	37. When Was The Last Time You Succeeded?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Seven: When Was The Last Time You Succeeded?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Success__ is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to __success__. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."_

* * *

I stood firmly at Neville's side glancing into the staring eyes of all present in the large hall that the Room of Requirement had become. It had transformed from a rather messy looking dormitory to a neat and spacious hall in which we could conduct our first official training session. There had been great excitement among the students who had received the message, I had also had to track down several recruits and give them a coin each and explain how each of them worked. They too had a look of excitement in their eyes as I informed them that there would be a meeting that night. I noticed that most were above the third year, and in the recent recruiting most were Ravenclaws. Neville had told me that it was currently the Ravenclaws struggling at the hands of the Carrows, their wit proving to be somewhat of a downside at times.

"Welcome everyone to our first official training session for Dumbledore's Army. I would like to extend a particularly warm welcome to our newest members. I'm sure you will all make them feel most welcome." I said. "Before we begin Neville has a few words to share."

"Thanks Hermione." He said confidently, once again I could see the timid boy I knew opening up to the world before a crowd, as though all that it required for him to extend from his shell was a slight push. "Today we'll be learning the basics of shield charms, but also must ask that on a more serious note, none of you participate in further vandalism or rebelling against the rules in the name of Dumbledore's Army. I myself have been foolish and have wrongly organised such acts, however for now this stops. The Carrows and Snape are more present in the corridors than ever and it is far too dangerous to allow any of you to put yourselves in such risk. I would ask that all you do as part of Dumbledore's Army is come here, train and leave, knowing that perhaps one day the lessons you have learnt may very well save your life. Now, could everyone please get to their feet and pair off." He called through the hall.

The room was filled with the sound of movement students jumping to their feet as quickly as possible. I stood in the centre of the Room as Neville had asked earlier paired with Draco. I was demonstrating the usage of the spells we taught for all present. That was one of the only things Neville had asked of me, that I be the one to demonstrate the spells as I knew them better than he did. I stood several meters away from where Draco stood wand already drawn. He smiled at me, as I attempted to look as serious as possible. I too ended up smiling at him, the smile almost infectious. Neville stood to my right as he walked in front of the crowd explaining the basics of the spell before the demonstration.

"Shield charms are an exceptionally useful spell, although they will not protect you from the more dark and dangerous spells, and when I say this I do mean the Unforgivable Curses, they will protect you from minor spells, hexes, jinxes and charms. Hermione and Draco shall now be demonstrating the use of such a charm, now for those of you have not used this charm the incantation is '_Protego' _and this spell will cause a shield to form between your opponent, or incoming object and your wand. If the spell is unable to block the spell or object completely it will alter the affect and prevent them from taking a full affect against you. Hermione and Draco if you will." He asked.

I nodded in response and he begun a slow countdown, "Three, two, one."

"_Protego." _I said loudly and clearly.

At the same time I heard Draco cry "_Expelliarmus_" I watched as a red light erupted from his wand, hurtling towards me.

Barely a meter away from me the oncoming spell rebounded from the invisible shield that lay between us and hit a student standing within the crowd. She shrieked as her wand was sent flying from her hands across the room where it hit the floor with a dull thud.

"That was perfect usage of the spell, thank you Hermione and Draco." Neville noted indicating we could move away now. "As you can see the spell will rebound, this will of course some issues, but just watch those around you and it should not cause much of an issue. Pair off and we'll come round and see how your doing." He said cheerfully as the students paired off excitedly and moved to their own spaces.

Draco, Ginny, Neville and I walked among the students observing and helping them achieve the spell where possible. For those present last year this was merely revision, however I noted that the new students mastered the spell with such ease it was almost dizzying. Within half an hour the all present could use the charm with ease. We paired each of the students off with another partner, and asked them to test each other using different combinations of spells against the shield, attempting to prepare them for those spells that the shields could only lighten, not completely reflect. So far we had found that only the older students were capable of such spells, however watching the younger students face the older students with not a hint of fear in their eyes was a sight to behold.

They may not have been able to fend off the spells completely, leaving some with minor cases of the Jellylegs Jinx or the Bat Bogey Hex in Ginny's case, which proved to be quite difficult to fend off, but you could see the enthusiasm in their eyes, the thirst for knowledge they were missing out on. You could see the triumph within their eyes when they managed to successfully ward off one of the older students spells, the disappointment in the eyes of the older students. At the end of the hour there were many disappointed faces, those begging to be for us to continue just that little longer. However we knew that this was not possible, we had already risked enough holding the meeting, and by the time each of the students reached their dormitories curfew would have fallen, I had warned them at the completion of the session that they were not to dawdle, that they _must _go straight to their dormitories.

As I waved off the students in small groups from one of the several exits I noticed the smile upon Draco's face again as he looked over at me. I smiled back to him as I waved to the last of the students before taking a seat next to him upon the large cushions in the corner of the room. The smile seemed to be etched upon his face, as though it would never truly be washed away. I took his hands in mine and leant over to kiss him gently.

"I'm guessing you enjoyed that?" I asked softly.

"It was more than I was expecting." He replied. "Much more."

"What were you expecting?"

"You all to be sitting around planning to bring down Hogwarts from within, maps and all." He said with a laugh.

"No, really what were you expecting?" I asked seriously.

"To be honest, I was expecting some form of Potter worship group. I didn't really expect you to have elected another leader in his absence."

"That proves that we are a step ahead of you clearly." I said with a laugh.

"Several." He replied kissing me gently.

We were interrupted from quiet yet rather rough clearing of the throat from nearby. I broke away from Draco to notice Ginny standing a little off into the distance trying to look anywhere but at Draco and I. "We need to leave the room for a moment, so that it can change back into the dormitory. It can't change with us within it." She said avoiding my eyes.

Draco climbed to his feet grabbing my hands and pulling me to my feet with ease wrapping his arm around my waist and leading me from the room. I stood outside for several moments with everyone, in silence before I finally decided to find out how they had discovered that the room could not change with people within it.

"How did you know that the room could not change with people in it?" I asked.

Neville replied, "I tried it earlier, but it is unfortunately impossible. I tried everything."

"Well clearly the room can't do _everything." _Ginny added.

"It's quite powerful." Luna noted. "Quite charming really."

Her words were followed by an awkward silence as most of her statements were. She seemed to have that affect upon people. Yet she never battered an eyelash, she seemed to find this perfectly normal. After several minutes the door appeared once again, and Neville pulled the door open to reveal the dormitory once again. It was almost as we had left it, only more neat and each person in residence of the room had their own individual rooms, I open the door to the one that could only be Ginny's to reveal a small room that mirrored hers at the Burrow, however in the corner there was a door that lead to a small bathroom. In the centre of the four rooms sat a large open area with several couches, a fire and desks for studying. From it's appearance it seemed to be a cross between the Gryffindor Common Room, and what I assumed to be the Slytherin Common Room.

Ginny and Luna each bade us goodnight, walking tiredly to their individual rooms and closing the door. Neville, Draco and I sat upon the couches talking of how each of us thought the meeting to have gone. The general consensus was that it had gone off without anything to fault, however there had to be a more efficient means of allowing the students to leave. The current method was somewhat inefficient. Neville suggested that the students organised to be there at specific times, some starting ten minutes before the other, with six groups the number of students leaving after an hour would be barely noticeable. I could not deny the brilliance of this plan; however we were still left with the fact that we need to plan ahead, however we decided that this could wait until later, night was well and truly upon us and the flames of the fire were growing weaker.

As Neville closed his door I got to my feet slowly, Draco following me to the door. I wrapped my arms around his neck gently gazing into his eyes. Our lips brushed gently, and I found myself becoming lost in the sheer depth of the blue-grey irises before me. I breathed softly as I brushed my nose against his.

"I wish I didn't have to leave." I whispered.

"You don't have to… You could stay if you wanted…" He added awkwardly.

"What would the others think?" I added.

"We could just sleep. There is nothing wrong with that." He said quietly.

"There isn't." I confirmed taking his hand.

He lead me to the far room, the large wooden door with a silver ornamental handle being his. I noticed a small Slytherin banner hanging from the door, almost as though he didn't wish to forget his true place. He opened the door slowly revealing a room larger than Ginny's but at the same time it was not oversized. It was modest and well furnished. I smiled noticing the large King size bed that dominated most of the space complete with a lush green bedspread.

"Is this what your room at home looks like?" I asked.

"Not exactly, it's larger but I like this more. I prefer this; it is less showy and more comfortable."

"It's nice." I whispered noticing a pair of pyjamas upon the bed for me; nothing else explained the purple flannelette pyjamas. I took then in my arms and slipped into the bathroom changing into the comfortable and warm clothes the room had provided and walked back into the room where Draco stood wearing an old tee-shirt and tracksuit pants. I felt suddenly somewhat overdressed. He pulled back the large bedspread and slipped beneath the sheets. I followed him lying beside him staring endlessly at the dark roof.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you didn't sit in the same carriage as me?" I asked softly.

"No, because I don't want to think about what wasn't. I want to think about what is, and never forget the moments like this." He replied softly wrapping his arms around me.

I placed my head upon his chest softly, "I do. All the time. I'm glad you did." I whispered closing my eyes.

He pressed his lips to my forehead carefully before I slowly shut my eyes, the feeling of success finally dawning upon me. I had actually made it through a meeting without any substantial injuries to myself or to those in the room. Draco had been welcomed by all there with open arms as though he and always been there. For the first time winning this war actually felt possible, as though when united the power we could wield against Lord Voldemort was unfathomable. We had each other, and that in itself in times like these was a success.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_The Yahoo Answers B&A Community. Their help and encouragement is amazing, and proves the sheer power of Harry Potter to me each and every day._

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**Author's Note: **_A whole fourteen chapters early we have broken the hundred thousand word mark, my first major word count goal, one I was not expecting to achieve until at least chapter fifty. However here I stand looking upon my longest story written. I hope that it's living up to the expectations you held for it also. Two more days of updates to go! Reviews are appreciated!_


	38. When Was The Last Time You Juggled?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Juggled?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_The trick to juggling is determining which balls are made of rubber and which ones are made of glass."_

* * *

There was much to juggle these days, I had to ensure that we were well prepared for each weekly meeting of the Army, there really was more planning required for such events than I ever thought possible. Awaking in Draco's arms as I had fallen asleep the night before gave me less to worry about than I had imagined. The others did not bother Draco in the mornings and therefore no-one knew or suspected that I had spent the night in his room. I awoke to find that my robes were clean and neatly pressed as though the room truly could provide everything its user should ever have needed besides food. As food was the first of the five principal exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration I slipped into the bathroom and changed quickly and went and sat upon the couch waiting for Draco. It took him several minutes to drag himself out of bed and pull on his uniform which too overnight had been cleaned, pressed and laid out for him.

We had walked to breakfast with no-one any more the wiser and the day passed in a blur as though the world had sped up until that evening when we were required to meet with Snape once again to discuss the ball the board was intent of holding. It seemed strange that suddenly the board would decide to hold a ball, particularly so out of the blue, I realised what this could mean, a potential trap. The school board mainly comprised of Death Eater's at the present time, the original board had been swiftly replaced, the work of Snape and the Lucius Malfoy. This served as yet another control point, another way of controlling both the students and their parents. I had found this out within minutes of standing upon Platform 9 and ¾ yet only now had I begun to suspect an ulterior motive behind this sudden evidentially well calculated change.

It turned out that this was not only for the students, but the parents too would be welcome to attend the auspicious occasion, there would be many guests of high influence attending also. It was to be held in the Great Hall and formal attire was to be worn. We were also informed that only students in the fourth year and above were to attend unless accompanying an older student. This seemed like an awful amount of planning for a mere trap. It could after all have been as Snape had stated, a ball in the honour of Albus Dumbledore. Perhaps there really was no secret agenda, no strange plot lurking beneath the surface. Maybe this really was an opportunity to socialise with others, both students and their parents in a more relaxed and unusual environment than that of which was generally offered at the school. Already the question that remained lingering in my mind was theme to use. I could see a look of almost pure agony in Draco's eyes, as though in his time he had seen and attended far too many formal balls in his life.

As Snape sat there talking about what we were required to do prior to the ball I surveyed his office, it was clear he spent very little time in here, there was dust that had settled on the empty shelves and even some sections of the floor. There was barely any light, so little that it was would be impossible to read within the room without a light. The way in which the cob-webs hung limply from the empty bookshelves told me two things, he either _liked _living among a slightly uninhabited look or he spent more time away from the castle than within it. This raised all sorts of questions, including the last time I saw him at a meal, it would have been at least four days ago, if not even longer. I could go for days at time if not weeks without seeing him. _Was he really spending so much time away from the castle? _I thought. He was technically not required to be constantly present, however it was slightly confusing considering that Lord Voldemort came to him.

_Why would he need to leave if his master actually came to him? _I thought, as it just seemed to defy all logic. It was yet another one of those strange puzzles I was struggling to unravel. The mystery of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ always remained with me, just out of reach. I had translated the entire book save for one rune, the rune in _The Tale of Three Brothers. _Could it possibly mean something other than just being a strange rune that neither I nor any of the teacher I had asked had been able to translate? I felt deep down that there was a connection between this rune and something I had to do. It had something to do with Harry and Ron I knew it, I just could not shake the feeling that I had seen such a rune before, I was not sure where but I knew that I had once before. I could not remember whether it was in another book or if it was just in passing upon a wall, yet I _had _seen it, I knew I had.

It was one of those strange feelings one often gets, usually when experiencing déjà vu, yet this time I did not feel as though I had been in a certain place, or performing certain actions again. It was a feeling that this rune was _everything, _that it means something and there was a reason for why I believed I had seen it before. The meeting finished soon after, I soon realised that I had failed to hear half of what had been said, too consumed by my own thoughts to do anything but sit there silently. They must have assumed I had nothing to add rather than being several hundred miles away in my own thoughts. The rune seemed to be haunting my thoughts, making it difficult to juggle my schoolwork, duties as Head Girl and organising Dumbledore's Army meetings, it had actually become near impossible.

As Draco and I walked back towards the Room of Requirement I noticed a large plume of smoke issuing from Hagrid's small hut's chimney. I stopped, torn between braving the cold or going back to the warm Room of Requirement. I had not seen Hagrid in quite some time, and I did feel awfully guilty for this. Draco stood watching me in confusion as I stared blankly out the window. "Can I borrow your scarf?" I asked suddenly, making a quick snap decision to visit Hagrid.

"Yeah, why?" He asked.

"I'm going to go see Hagrid." I replied taking the scarf from his outstretched hand.

"Oh, okay. I um, guess I'll see you later then yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah, see you." I replied quickly kissing him on the cheek before turning back the way we come back towards the Entrance Hall.

The second I had stepped outside the cold hit me with all it's might. Blistering did not even begin to describe how the wind burnt against my skin. It had yet to snow, but if the weather kept up I was certain we would have a white Christmas. I struggled my way across the grounds, the wind and light rain making it difficult to push myself to actually walk the distance to Hagrid's Hut. Luckily he had noticed me approaching and was waiting as the door, rather than allowing me to stand outside in the cold helplessly for several minutes longer. I walked inside into the warmth greatful to finally be out of the cold, even Draco's warm scarf did nothing to stop the cold.

"'ello Hermione." He said happily as soon as he was inside and the door was closed.

"Hagrid, it's so great to see you! I'm so terribly sorry I have not visited earlier; I have just been so caught up with all my school work and my duties as Head Girl. I would have come to visit sooner if I were not."

"Never min' that 'ermione. It don' matter. I understand." He said before standing up to place the kettle upon the stove in his small kitchen. "Cup o' tea?" He asked.

"Yes please, it's dreadfully cold outside." I said gratefully.

"You heard from Ron and 'arry?" He asked gruffly from the kitchen.

"Actually I have, a few times. I've even seen them."

"How are they?" He asked quietly.

"They're fine from what I can gather; I haven't seen them in a couple of months now. I get an occasional letter, but that's all."

Hagrid walked in carrying two very large cups of steaming hot tea and placed them down upon the table. "What do they say?" He asked sitting down opposite me.

"Not much at all really, it's more just reassurance that they are okay and that no harm has come to them. To stop me worrying really."

"'ermione why are you wearin' a Slytherin scarf?" He asked suddenly after some paused as I was taking a large sip of my tea.

"I borrowed it from Draco." I replied calmly, of course he would know there was little he didn't hear between his classes and his Gamekeeper duties.

"You spendin' more time with Draco 'ey?" He asked.

"Of course I am," I replied, "that's the idea of a relationship."

He spluttered, it became all too clear that he was unaware of our relationship. What made it worse was it was not a recent change either. "What?" He cried. "'ermione, what 'ave you gone and done now? And don' lie to me. I know all 'bout you freein' them students."

"I haven't done anything, nothing that I regret or am unhappy with. I _love _him Hagrid, he's not half as bad as he is painted."

"But he's a Malfoy. You know what they're like." He replied in a state of shock. "You know what they're capable of!"

"Hagrid, he's changed. There's so much that has happened since the last time I saw you. I barely know where to begin…" I started, "But I think the best place is at the beginning." And with those words I launched into the long tale of how Draco and Professor McGonagall had saved me, and everything else that had happened between my visits. It was a long story, it took almost an hour to complete and by the time I was done night had begun to fall across the grounds. I said goodbye to Hagrid and made my way back to the castle glad that I had made the effort to see my friend. In a way it reminded me of how things used to be before they changed, in a warm comforting way. I decided it was best to find the others before I went to dinner so my first stop was the Room of Requirement.

I entered the large open room glad to be somewhere warm after the cold of the outside seemed to have sunk through to my very bones. I noticed Ginny wiping her eyes quickly as I entered the room, curled up upon a large couch in front of the fire. I walked over and sat opposite her, she was looking a photo smiling. I noticed as she placed it back upon the pile sitting on the table and took another, examining it carefully. The photo's looked familiar, a closer examination of the small pile on the table revealed that they were photos from Bill and Fleur's wedding. I smiled noticing one of Ginny and I together sticking out awkwardly from the pile.

"Ginny?" I asked quietly. "Are these photos from the wedding?"

"Yeah, do you want a look? Mum just sent them to me."

"May I?" I asked.

"Sure, I'm sick of looking at them." She said placing them gently upon the table and walking to her room.

I carefully picked up the small pile of moving photos. I smiled seeing how carefree and happy everyone looked, I had almost forgotten how Harry had been disguised as a Weasley for the day, but there was no mistaking that familiar expression upon the red-haired boys face. He looked so happy dancing with Ginny in the background of the photo while Ron and I danced nearby. This seemed like such a long time ago, years almost. Certainly not months. I nearly burst out laughing when I noticed Luna and her Father dancing by themselves in the centre of everyone else, Mr. Lovegood's yellow robes looking particularly strange in the small photo, as he turned I noticed something. Something strange around his neck, upon a long chain hung a talisman, not just any talisman, the symbol from the book. The rune I had been able to translate. I got up taking the photo with me and walking to Luna's room in a rush of adrenaline and excitement.

She opened the door seconds after I had first knocked. Her long blonde hair pulled up into a ridiculously high bun revealing her strange radish earrings. "Luna," I asked almost breathlessly. "what is that symbol your Father is wearing around his neck?" I pointed to the photo to show her.

"That?" She said almost disappointed I did not know what it was. "That's the symbol of _The Deathly Hallows…_"

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Miss Mayhem. I love our random conversations that seem to be able to go on forever. I also love the way you listen to me when no-one else will._

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**Author's Note: **_The Christmas Chapter is almost upon us. In reality it seemed so very far away when I begun this story, but now it seems so close. I know it is a little late but you know it's better late than never. I'm almost at one hundred reviews, so at this point in time a review will mean everything to me!_


	39. When Was The Last Time You Learnt?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Thirty Nine: When Was The Last Time You Learnt?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours."_

* * *

"_The Deathly Hallows?" _I asked out loud in confusion.

"You have read T_he Tale of the Three Brothers_, yes?" She asked.

"Yeah, I have a book with the story in it."

"Well you'll know all about the three items Death presented to the three brothers, a wand made of elder, a resurrection stone and an invisibility cloak. These three items are collectively known as _The Deathly Hallows_. It is said that if you are able to collect all three and unite them Death cannot touch you. It is said that you become _The Master of Death_. Many spend their lives searching for these items, they are real and exist, but as you'd know it is difficult to find a stone which resurrects the dead and a cloak of true invisibility. The wand however is slightly easier to track." She said standing from her sitting position of the edge of her bed.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What I mean is that the wand leaves a bloody trail in its wake, to gain full possession of the wand one must kill the previous owner. It is therefore quite easy if you know what to look for to track the location of the wand. Unfortunately it has gone missing, the line ending quite some time ago. It is quite difficult to know in whose hands it truly lies now." She replied looking for something in a trunk at the foot of her bed. "I had Daddy's list here somewhere, but I suspect I may have sent it back to him last year. He's quite interesting in the Deathly Hallows you know?"

"I think many people are." I replied. "It would make sense. It makes sense that they would, if they united the three they would be untouchable by death. These items are a way to cheat death."

"Not exactly, you'll remember the third brother; he died a natural death at a ripe old age. However he walked willingly into death's arms. The person who has the Deathly Hallows is _not _invincible Hermione, they can still be killed by others, but death taking them supposedly is not an option. Well that's what I believe anyway. Everyone views it differently, most think it's a children's story, but the Peverell's were real people. There's sufficient evidence to prove that Ignotus, Cadmus and Antioch Peverell are the three brother's of legend. There are many different takes on the story of course, and several people believe that these brother's are not the one's of legend. It's each to their own on a story such as this, despite popular belief there are those who believe differently."

"You say that they don't render you immortal or invincible, why are they coveted so?"

She considers her answer carefully as though almost she doesn't understand fully herself, "Human's are by nature critical and brutal creatures many have the ability to commit great evil for power. Most people think that these make you invincible, they think that they will live forever if they posses these items, it drives many to insanity, hence their ability to slaughter others for the wand. I don't even really believe that they are more than mere items that are coveted by man due to their supposed '_powers' _personally, I think The Master of Death is someone who can accept death, that it's going to happen. These items generally drive people to the belief that they can't die, it's the opposite, they will die, the items are each symbolic of death. They represent it, and in their own ways can bring about one's death in the case of the stone and the wand. I believe The Master of Death would be someone who sought after these items with a good heart, not someone who wants them for power. Someone who wants them for the greater good not for their own personal agenda."

"So you're saying that you believe that the true Master of Death is someone who seeks the items not to avoid death, but someone who accepts it and uses the items for good?"

"Exactly, think about it, if they were sought merely for personal gain they aren't really mastering or vanquishing death, they are just prolonging it. They aren't accepting death they are running from it."

"So you don't believe they bring about immortality?" I asked.

"No, never in the tale was it stated that they gave the one who united the three objects immortality or invincibility, sure, the wand will never lose a battle, but it can be stolen, the bearer can be murdered. The stone does not truly bring back the dead, just ghost-like impressions of them. The cloak, it doesn't stop aging, it does not give you immortality, you just can't be found. None of these items in any way give you immortality, that is just a legend that has grown with the story. I would hazard a guess that those who believe this do not realise the true meaning of being The Master of Death, they merely seek them for the immortality they believe they will receive. It is clear, that despite to story saying that the last brother accepted death and embraced him like an old friend, I think they are taking this literally. I don't believe it is meant to be taken this way."

"What do you believe?" I asked.

"It's difficult to say," She begun. "I would sometimes wish to say that I sincerely hoped it was a story, and the blood-filled history behind these items never existed. But that is not the case. It never shall be either. I believe that the youngest brother was the only of the three not to met death early due to his ability to keep the item to himself, he did not go about bragging about the power he now held within his arms, he did not boast or use it for his own gain. In other words he remained hidden. As the story says, in his later years he accepted death and greeted it like an old friend, both versions have the potential to be correct, however the fictionalised version would tend to be a little more far fetched and based solely on the additions of moral tales which have been implemented as an attempt to teach young children right from wrong. You don't happen to have the book with you do you?"

"I could go and get it." I replied.

"No it's fine; I'd like to see it one day though. If you're willing to part with it for just some time."

"Of course I am, you've helped me more than anyone else I have asked on this topic, I can't imagine not lending you the book if you wanted to see it."

"Oh thank you! It is most kind of you. Daddy will be awfully excited; this is the book you have been translating right?"

"Yeah. It's is I finished except for a single rune." I said looking about for a piece of paper and a quill and ink which I found upon her desk, I quickly scribbled the symbol and handed it to her. "This is it. This is the rune or the symbol I wasn't able to translate, and you're telling me it's the symbol of The Deathly Hallows?"

She took the quill and paper from my hand and turned the piece of parchment over, "This represents the cloak," She said drawing the triangular outline of the symbol upon the page, "this the stone," She said placing a circle within the triangle, "and finally, this line represents the wand. As a whole these are The Deathly Hallows."

"I see it, it's not an eye as I originally thought. It's a representation of the three objects from the story. I can't believe I missed it."

"You didn't know what you were looking for…" She whispered. "Most people don't, in fact most people who have heard the story can't connect the dots, _they_ can't see that in reality this is exaggeration of the truth. Yes, these objects exist but where? No, they most likely did not meet death upon a long winding road one night, it's likely that the Peverell's were just exceptional and were able to create these objects of great power. Most people could go their entire lives not knowing, until death grows nearer and they become desperate. Many who seek the Hallows want the immortality that has been wrongly associated with them."

I stood slowly, "Thank you Luna, I think I understand now."

"Understand what?" She asked.

"Understand why Dumbledore left me this book, Luna I think I just connected the dots."

"More than likely you did, eventually we all must. I'm sorry I have to go, I don't want to miss dinner, I would hate to miss out on pudding." She said awkwardly standing, "You're welcome to come too you know?"

"I think I need a moment." I replied following her into the large open area between the four rooms.

"Sure." She said with a smile before almost in a skipping-like fashion, walked out of the room leaving what could very well have been the most normal conversation she may ever have in her wake.

It seemed so difficult to come to terms with what I just learnt; everything was slowly falling into perspective, including the cloak. It suddenly seemed like an easy solution to a problem, if Harry possessed the wand he could defeat Voldemort, but how did one go about finding a wand that had disappeared so very long ago. It seemed dangerous almost to be in possession of these items as though all but the cloak seemed to lead to death or misfortune. Did I really see _that _as a solution, if in possession of the wand Harry would never stand a chance, it seemed as though each of the owners was murdered slightly after the wand came to be in their possession. Perhaps there was the smallest of chances this would not happen but I did want to consider the thought that perhaps it could, that it was a very _real _threat if one chose to take the elder wand into their possession.

Of course that begged the question why anyone would want a wand that would ultimately lead to their death in their possession. But perhaps, just maybe there was something I was missing from this equation; perhaps there was something I still could not see. I'm guessing that was how this was connected to the Horcruxes; I could not for the life of me see the connection in any way. It still remained to be one of those mysteries I could not solve. It seemed as though it was going to slowly drive me to insanity. I _needed _to find this link, I _desired _it. Yet with time growing ever shorter and the hunt for Harry growing more vicious by the day I doubted I would be able to find it in time for it to be of any use to Ron or Harry.

I walked over to a large desk where a large pile of quills, ink and parchment lay waiting for me to use. It seemed as though this room really did cater to its inhabitants down to the very smallest thought of need in their minds. I quickly set to work, unsure of what I could write or how I could convey a message that even begun to express what it is that I had learn. I realised that I would need the translation to even begin describing what I was attempting to convey.

"_Accio bag."_ I whispered quietly to myself flicking my wand which was already in hand.

Several minutes later my large bag flew in a conveniently open window to my left, as soon as the bag was in my hands the window shut and disappeared from sight. I rummaged through it searching for my pages of translations, which I had finally found. I looked down upon the pages I had scrawled the _Tale of the Three Brothers_ upon, I could not bear to part with them yet, they were too important. I once again pulled out my wand and pointed it directly at the pages.

"_Geminio."_ I said clearly four times, duplicating each page individually.

I carefully scrawled across the top of the first page: '_Read this, I think it may be of some use to you. More later.' _I sealed the four pages in an envelope and ran to the owlery the rush of knowledge edging me on. I watched as the owl floated off into the distance, taking with it the discovery I had made, and yet I finally felt some sort of satisfaction, as though everything I had learnt today was going to serve a greater purpose. Perhaps it would lead to our freedom.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My sister, who had to put up with me reading the chapter in which the Deathly Hallows are explained out loud about twelve times. I thank you for not killing me._

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**Author's Note: **_And so I've reached the end of my second Update-Per-Day-Weeks, and most likely the last until the end of this year, it's so difficult to find the time during the year sometimes. I hope you enjoyed all seven chapters that went up this week and I look forward to your thoughts if you wish to share them in a review. Updates will be back to normal for now. Unless I'm feeling adventurous :D _


	40. When Was The Last Time You Hugged?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty: When Was The Last Time You Hugged?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Hold a friend's hand through times of trial, let her find love through a __hug__ and a smile; but also know when it is time to let go-for every one of us must learn to grow."_

* * *

The holidays would be upon us within weeks, it seemed as though gradually each day was becoming shorter, as if it was the earths way of allowing us to relax slightly. What ever the reason the thought that holidays were only weeks away had the student body in high spirits for the first time in several months. This outbreak in high spirits had also lead to a large increase in rule breaking once again, also with this came a larger amount of students wandering the corridors after hours. It was difficult to recommend these students for detention when we all knew what would happen to them; instead I decided it would be better to take twenty-five points from their house, warning them that I would double it if I should find them within the corridors after hours again. I just could not bring myself to give their names to the Carrows. Draco had officially given three students' names to the Carrows, all three from Slytherin, however mysteriously these students did not appear in the dungeons or on demonstration, no they were let off lightly, their punishment helping the Carrows sort through the mail.

I asked him why he would even given those vile people the names of the three Slytherins, in fact I almost pitied them before I realised they were being punished lightly for something that deserved weeks worth of detentions. Late one night last week one of the students had lured him into what could only be described as some form of trap where the other two stunned him and attached him to the roof by the ankle with a piece of rope. They threw his wand into the corner making it impossible for him to escape; he had remained there until early the next morning when the next class arrived. Much to his own embarrassment. He had still yet to forgive them for this, although perhaps I could see why, it was neither logical nor fair to tie anyone to the roof. He did not even know why he was selected of all people, however in the process he had managed to take at least two hundred points from Slytherin and thought his revenge would be detentions, however this turned out to be more of a reward than punishment, it was every Slytherins dream being able to search everyone's mail.

Luckily Harry and Ron had decided to wait a little longer to respond this time; however I grew steadily more worried as I had not heard from them in weeks. Not even a small note to tell me that they were alive had arrived, if this was not worrisome enough it seemed as though the snatchers, those who brought in blood traitors, muggle-borns and the wanted had become more vicious. Gold being their incentive to cause great harm to those they sought after before handing them into their superiors which were clearly the Death Eaters. I had heard they were becoming increasingly aggravated that Harry and Ron continued to evade capture, they were teenagers after all and the entire Ministry and the full force of the Death Eaters was searching tirelessly for them. Even Draco had become increasingly surlier with the lead up to the holidays, he would not tell me why, but I suspected it had something to do with his parents, they had been sending him letters almost everyday – I had not failed to notice this.

I had a feeling that perhaps his behaviour had something to do with me, that I in some way was connected with it. He always denied it, but I could see the pain in his eyes each time he looked at me as though he was slowly watching me die and was already planning the funeral in his mind. I could barely meet his brilliant grey-blue eyes anymore, I could not bear to see that expression lurking beneath the surface, and it was causing me too much pain to see, I just could not take it any longer. Although clearly, I thought, this was within reason no-one needed someone they trusted and loved looking at them as though you were slowly wasting away before their eyes. Or perhaps it was the expression someone would wear if they knew that the person they were looking at had only weeks to live. It was difficult to determine the difference between these two expressions. Although personally I wish I never had to attempt to differentiate between the two.

"I've had enough of this!" I said angrily. "Tell me what's wrong and why you're looking at me like _that _or Merlin help me I'll do something I'll regret!"

"Is it crucial you know?" He asked gently a look of fear in his eyes, replacing the strange expression that had been sitting within them for days.

"Yes! I deserve to look to know why you're looking at me as though I'm dying!" I cried.

"No you don't!" He spat. "You are just being nosy!"

"I'm allowed to be nosy! I'm your girlfriend you're supposed to tell me these things!"

"I'm not obligated to!" He cried throwing his arms into the air in frustration.

"If that's the way you see it then." I said angrily turning my back to him, folding my arms.

"Fine." He snapped.

"_Fine." _I said ensuring I had the last word, stalking down the corridor and out of his sight.

Why would he refuse to tell me what was wrong, it seemed to defy everything we ever did. It was almost as though there was an unspoken law between us that we told each other everything; however this time he seemed to be keeping something quite large from me. Of course I should probably have felt quite upset about this, but realistically my emotions were leaning more towards the angry and frustrated side of things. I could not feel entirely upset about our fight, it was too be expected some time, not everything could remain perfect between us. We were two very different people, having completely opposite upbringings. I was the girl brought up among the muggles while he lived it up among the purebloods, there could be no two lives further away from each other than these two.

Yet at the same time I wanted to be as far away as possible from him, I wanted to be near him as though his absence had already left a large gapping hole in my heart. I felt hallow and alone, as though nothing would be able to stop this feeling of emptiness. I wanted to turn back and run into his arms, forgetting everything we had said, but I knew he needed his space, and perhaps I too needed mine. I wasn't going to cry, I had already shed too many tears this year, I refused to become a victim of my emotions once again. I could not think how Draco and I would even be able to do our duties as Head Boy and Girl should we break up, how would we come to an agreement on the theme for the ball, it just seemed to difficult and frighteningly lonely to think about. I did not want to think of the possibility of a break up, it just seemed too saddening to even think about.

I walked to the Room of Requirement pulling my plans for the ball out of my bag. I was thinking a fire theme, with a little work we could create moving statues of fire, we could make them cool to touch so that none of the guests would be placed at risk. It would also be possible to contain the flames within large decorative containers to place upon the tables. It seemed like a good concept, yet Draco was still pushing for an ice theme. What surprised me is that he had thought of it entirely on his own, and his plans were similar to mine yet they involved ice instead of fire. Of course ice had already been used once, however this was different. His plans involved elaborate statues of ice, and strings of icicles that would never melt carrying the candles floating peacefully in the ceiling. It seemed as though the longer we could not reach a general consensus on this the closer it seemed to be getting, looming just around the corner.

I let out a loud breath in frustration and rested my face against my folded arms. I was lost for ideas and all this stressful thinking was beginning to give me a headache. I closed my eyes carefully blocking out all the light. I opened my eyes moments later to see Harry and Ron standing just meters away from me again. I begun to panic, this was not supposed to happen, I wasn't crazy. I was no longer depressed. I was not supposed to see them again, I had been telling myself that it was a figment of my imagination and that I would never see them again. But here they stood, clear as day. They were arguing the anger and frustration was clear in their expressions. I stood between them.

"Stop it." I said instinctively. "You are both acting like idiots. You are all each other have in times like this and this is how you are choosing to act! It sickens me!"

"Hermione?" Ron's voice asked calmly, and for the first time I heard them speak to me.

"Ron?" I asked quietly unsure whether this was real or whether in fact I was dreaming. "Can you hear me?"

"Hermione?" Harry asked loudly, yet there was a questioning tone to his voice, clearly something else had been said before my name yet all I could hear of their voices was my name.

"Why can't you hear me?" I cried, "Why can I only hear my name if you speak it?"

They continued to argue, it was clear that my standing between them could not stop it. There was in fact barely anything I could do to stop to figments of my own imagination arguing, it was preposterous to think that I could. I felt the tears I had been refusing to allow fall stinging in my eyes; these situations made me feel so helpless and alone. I watched as Ron walked away from Harry his back turned, Harry seemed to be yelling at him to come back but he just ignored him. Even I found myself screaming at Ron to come back but to no avail, he simply vanished before my eyes and by the time I turned back around to face Harry he was simply fading from sight.

"Please no. No. Harry stay." I pleaded, but they were ignored he simply vanished without another word.

My breathing was ragged as I fell to the floor; I curled into a small ball with my hands around my knees, the only way in which I could even begin to feel slightly whole once again. Every time they appeared and disappeared it ripped a shred from my heart. I was always left feeling alone, empty and scared. As though it were a constant reminder that I had been left behind. Somewhere in the pit of my heart it told me that they were alive, and they had not forgotten me. Yet despite these reassurances I was left feeling so hallow. As though every time I saw these figures they were slowly bringing me further away from the world I knew and further into the darkness and uncertainty of the world that lay beyond the castle walls.

"I'm sorry." Draco whispered noticing me on the floor.

"It's not your fault." I replied struggling to regain my breath.

"It is. I haven't been entirely honest with you. Look how it's affected you." He replied sitting beside me.

"This has nothing to do with the fight." I replied softly.

"Then what has it got everything to do with?

"Harry and Ron." I replied, the tears falling gently from my eyes. "I saw them again."

"You saw them? Where?" He asked looking around.

"In my mind. I see them occasionally. I have a terrible feeling Draco. Something's happened." I whispered slowly. "I think something's wrong."

"Are you sure?" He asked me looking quite concerned after I mentioned I see them in my mind. "How do you see them."

"They appear, just around sometimes. They're always talking, but I can't hear them. Today I heard them say my name. I heard them speak. Then Ron left. They had a fight and Ron left. Draco, I don't think he's coming back!" I cried my hopeless sobbing beginning once again for the first time in weeks.

He wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug, "I'm sorry about what I said." He whispered. "I'll tell you once this is over."

"I'm sorry too." I replied hugging him back. "We need to do something."

"But what?" He asked.

"I need to send a letter." I replied finally. "I'll send it to Ron, and he'll respond. I'll simply accuse him of abandoning Harry and more than likely he'll send back some form of angry retort. We'll know then."

"You know them well." He whispered pressing his lip to my cheek.

"They're my best friends. I should know them." I replied, his warm arms bringing me back down to earth once again, the tears drying up allowing me to see clearly once again. Allowing me to see what had to be done, and all the difference in the world had been made by a simple hug.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Noob of Strandicture. I may not like hugs very much, but I love your hugs._

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**Author's Note: **_Chapter Forty – Party? Perhaps not yet, perhaps at Chapter Fifty, when we officially reach the halfway mark! This chapter was quite difficult to write, but perhaps it was because of the topic, never the less it's one of my favourites thus far. The mystery of Harry and Ron's appearances shall all be revealed within the next thirty chapters or so! We are so very close to 100 reviews; all reviews will be welcome even if they are just one word!_


	41. When Was The Last Time You Listened?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty One: When Was The Last Time You Listened?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Listen to your heart, because in the end, it is your heart that counts."_

* * *

'_Why did you abandon Harry?' _I wrote carefully on a piece of parchment, scrawling his name across the front and handing it to Draco's large eagle owl – Copernicus. We watched as it flew into the last few rays of light that lingered upon the castle grounds awaiting a response. If anything was going to trick Ron into answering the real question it would be an accusatory statement, he did not handle being accused exceptionally well and particularly not as well as Harry could. There lay the reason as to why I had chosen to send the letter to Ron instead of Harry; Harry could have pretended quite easily that nothing was wrong. If I accused him of allowing Ron to leave he could have passed it off as some weird dream I had, he was smart enough to do this. Ron however, was not _that _smart. He would see my letter as a threat and react accordingly giving me the answer I desperately needed.

This letter gave me the excuse I needed to ignore the real matter at hand, the real reason as to why I continued to see these strange visions of Harry and Ron, and why for the first time I had heard them speak. Also the matter remained as to why I could only hear them speaking my name, _my _name of all the words I could have heard. A location, a plan, a found Horcrux, _anything _else would have been better than my name yet that was the one thing I had heard. _Twice. _If that was not concerning enough perhaps the fact that I was seeing these visions despite reassurance that my small episode of mental instability had passed and I was in the clear, it was evident that this was not the case as much I tried to ignore this fact. It seemed to be the least of my worries at the current time, it seemed as though the main question that remained was whether Ron really had abandoned Harry, because if this was the case I needed to intervene or at the very least attempt to convince him to return when I could do nothing to help Harry. The only person that could was Ron.

Ron was the only person who knew Harry's exact location, his exact plans. No-one else in this world knew these specifications. At the current time it almost seemed crucial that I extract this information from him while I could. Yet at the same time I knew deep down that even if they had fought and their friendship seemed to be on the rocks he would not give up this information, he would never. It would not be within his nature to do such a thing. As much as I tried to convince him, no matter what I offered him I knew he would not take it. Harry meant more to him than all the gold, all the power and all the magic in the world, not that I really could afford to offer him such things in any case. I was not overly wealthy, nor powerful and I most certainly knew no spells that could affect the outcome of this war. It seemed as though realistically I would never know where Harry was unless I went out and sought after him myself or he told me in a letter, both of which I highly doubted were ever realistically going to happen.

Of course it would have been nice to have hope that they would, however, I was a realist. I knew that in the real world not everyone's deepest desires came true, not everyone got the happy ending they so desperately sought after. If they did the world of course probably would have been much worse of, just imagine, all the power hungry willing to do anything for another's power. All those who would throw everything away for wealth including those they once held most dear. I could only imagine how much worse off the world would be if that happened, and to state the plain truth the world was already in a state that seemed as though nothing could ever be any worse, yet at the same time I knew it could still fall even further into the dark abyss that it hung so precariously above. If it did, there would be nothing left to fight for, there would be nothing at all but death and despair left in the world.

The small nagging voice remained in the back of my mind, reminding me that Draco still had yet to tell me what it was that had been bothering him so terribly. It seemed as though it had to be something quite severe to affect him in such a way yet I hoped with all my heart that it did not affect his relationship with his family. In times like these everyone needed their family and if he pushed them away I feared that he would be left with nothing as I had. Yet I had forced my family away, they knew no better, but I did. I had done what I believed to be best for them, but at the same time I had done the one thing that I would feel so terrible about should something had of gone wrong. So much could have gone wrong, I could have destroyed their memories permanently, or worse the shock could have killed them, it was a risk after all. Sometimes when the world was quiet and I could not sleep I would lay awake thinking of how I wronged them in my life, and how I would begin to make amends for it once this war was over.

There was so much I needed to make amends for once this war was over, I could not even begin to think about how I would go about it, or how long it would take. But one day I knew I would have repaid every debt I owed, little or big. I was not going to forget the kindness and favours I had been given in the past year with nothing expected in return. My first order of business of course was my family, yet at the same time I did not know how far into the future that truly lay. I hoped that the day I would see them again would come soon, I hoped that they would not spend their entire lives as other people, unaware that I even existed yet at the same time it protected them. It kept them safe in a way that could leave no traces to where they lived, who they were or more importantly to me, which of course was the main thing. I knew that they would surely be dead if I had not placed them as far away from where I was as possible yet at the same time the distance and lack of correspondence was slowly leaving me hallow. I needed to hear from them, I needed to know that they were alright.

Sometimes during the early morning mail delivery I hoped that I would see an owl soaring through the window bringing me a letter written in my Mother or Father's untidy scrawl, one that even I after seventeen years still could not even read at times. Yet at the same time just seeing their letters made me feel better, less homesick and as though they were almost here. Not hearing from them hurt, constantly reminding me of what I had done to them. Surely it was better than leaving them for dead while I spent the year away, both able to defend myself but I was also under the protection of Professor McGonagall. I had more chance of surviving that they would. Even if I had remained behind to protect them there was only so much I could have done, and in the end that would have done very little good in the long run, it would in the end most likely have spelt both theirs and my doom.

"Can you tell me what it is that has been slowly eating away at you this past week?" I asked softly sitting beside him.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Stop pretending I'm smart enough to see it for myself." I replied. "You can tell me, you know that."

"I know, it's just I don't want to bother you with problems that only I can solve." He replied. "You have enough on your plate. I don't wish to add to that."

"I doubt your problems are really going to be much more of a load upon my shoulders, I think I can take just a little more Draco." I whispered.

There was a silence that fell upon us as though we both understood that this was no mere problem, this was something _big. _Something that perhaps I wish I never wanted to know. But could I live with seeing that expression upon his face each and every time I looked into his eyes. I was beginning to have my second thoughts, my doubts that I truly wanted to know what he was thinking in times like these, I doubted anyone really wanted to see into the mind of another. It just seemed to _invasive _as there was very little that one had left to themselves these days, our thoughts were the only things that kept us sane, the only thing we kept unto ourselves. It was the last thing that was not ruled, we may have been forced to act a certain way, to treat others in ways that we would never once thought we could, with such cruelty and viciousness. Yet our thoughts we kept, they were not invaded by others, we could keep them and them alone to ourselves. _Did I really wish to know what Draco thought when staring into my eyes?_

"I got a letter from my parents last week." He said grimly in a tone I had never heard him use before.

"Were they angry?" I asked softly placing a hand around his shoulder.

"I don't think that begins to describe their emotions, livid, horrified and ready to commit a murder they would regret would perhaps describe their emotions better." He said taking a deep breath. "They're unhappy, _very unhappy _with me; they are concerned that perhaps I have chosen to abandon them and their master in the hope of finding something better, blah, blah, blah." He said melodramatically.

"You shouldn't speak of them in such a way." I whispered. "They are only looking out for you, their _son." _

"Hermione, if I were anyone else I would already be dead. They would have had no problems murdering a stranger's child if they were in my position, yet me, I am merely a problem. Perhaps I am their son, but they would not have a second thought if they were asked to wipe me from the face of the earth."

"Surely, surely they would not." I whispered.

"They would Hermione; I have been told if I do not pick up my act that includes clearing you entirely out of the picture. Hermione that's not just ending this relationship, that ensuring you cannot help Potter and Weasley when we finish up." His voice grew shaky. "They said if I don't, not to bother going home. They also said, that they would hunt you down, find you and hold you until they found me and they would torture and kill you before my eyes. Hermione, I just can't live with that!" He said.

I looked into his eyes, there were tears falling softly down his cheeks. I had never seen him in such a way, so open, so fragile and human. It was almost unnerving, he had seen me in such a way yet I had never seen him shed a tear. If one ever doubted that Draco Malfoy was human, I now had proof. Solid, cold hard proof. I was unsure how I could ever have thought him to be so selfish and uncaring, when here he sat so frightened and scared that he had been reduced to tears. In a way he was right, perhaps I did not need his worries upon my shoulder, but in times like these we all needed someone to listen, we all needed someone who we could talk to. He had done this for me several times, and now it was time that I sat down and ignored my own problems and just listened to his.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Those who listen to me when I need it most._

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**Author's Note: **_Sorry about the time it took to update, I was on holidays and was out of internet range. I'll be updating with all my holiday writings this week, bringing me up to chapter fifty by February 2__nd__._


	42. When Was The Last Time You Were Tempted?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Two: When Was The Last Time You Were Tempted?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." _

* * *

There was not a sound within the room, as though the very world had stoped with his words, his secret fears, worries and concerns when finally shared causing the world to come to a complete halt. I barely dared to even breath, it seemed as though he had actually stopped breathing for a moment there, before he sighed breaking the silence and the sounds of students passing through the corridors suddenly seemed to grow, bringing with it the reality that the world did really stop for nothing or no-one. As bad as the entire situation seemed there was a relief in the air, a relief that these burdens were no longer his and his alone to carry, I knew all too well that it was difficult enough to carry burdens such as those alone. Almost impossible, there were the times where you felt as though you were going to break, but now the calm before the storm settled upon us, the problem existed yet together we could survive and deal with it.

"I'm worried. I don't want them to hurt you." He whispered the shakiness in his voice becoming more prominent.

"I can look after myself." I whispered. "They can't reach me here either."

After a quiet pause he spoke again, "But what about after school has finished, when this is no longer available to you? What can you do then?"

"Hide, and hope that I cannot be found."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I know a place; it's protected more strongly than any other building I have set foot into. Unplottable, cursed in more ways than one, it was home to a dark family once, but now it lies abandoned. It was inhabited up until recently. I'll go there; I'll be safe for a little while." I replied quietly.

"How will I see you?" He asked suddenly the darkness falling across his face. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

I paused; I had not added Draco into this equation, one I had formulated purely for the purpose of this conversation. "You could come too. You would be safe; no-one would ever suspect you to be there. They would not expect me to be there either. We would be safe and hidden."

"Why don't we go now?" He asked, "Why not escape while we can and just be free of all this?"

I stopped; even I had not been expecting to return for my final year. If I left now, sure I would have more knowledge and several skills I would not have gained were I in the outside world. But I would also not have Draco. I had gained more by returning in the bleakness of my situation than I would have by following what I once thought to be carefully constructed plan I had for myself. The sudden change in my plans had caused an avalanche effect on my life, it brought everything down with its weight leaving nothing in it's wake standing. Yet from all the destruction and mess my life had been rebuilt, the remnants of my once life beginning to fall into place once again as though nothing had happened or changed save for the few missing pieces and the new ones I had gathered which fit snugly into the empty spaces. Empty spaces that could never be filled yet at the same time it took only one to satisfy the emptiness completely. It seemed as though Draco was making up for several pieces at once.

I wondered whether it was at all wrong of me to want to fill the empty spaces in my life with others but at the same time I couldn't leave them empty. I imagined it to be only human to want to fill the gaps in my life with others, but at the same time it seemed neither the time nor the place for such things. It seemed neither the time nor the place to be human either. It was difficult to know what to do. Clearly I was not complaining merely torn and confused about the right thing to do. Not too many found themselves in situations such as these, not too many people my age had been forced to make as many crucial and tough decisions as I had without any form of guidance. It was times like these I wished I had my Mother with me, she would have known what the right thing to do was, she always seemed to. There never had not been a time which she wouldn't offer her help and advice when I needed it. Despite the distance it seemed as though through her letters she was here, helping me and guiding me when I needed it most. Now she was gone.

It was a hollowing thought knowing I would not here from them, that they would not write, but indeed the knowledge that I had brought that upon myself got me through each day and each painful thought. That is what I told myself anyway. I felt Draco's arm enclose around me lovingly as though he instinctively knew I was thinking of my parents and knew I needed someone to lean on. His arm was so very warm and so gently wrapped around my waist. I felt so at peace and safe in his arms as though nothing would hurt me again, it was so difficult to believe we had been fighting only hours before, a fight that even I believed would bring about the end of this all. It highlighted our differences, how he tried to be strong by shielding me, when I at times preferred to walk head on into the fire facing it myself. It also showed me that perhaps we did not always see eye to eye but I could not deny seeing love in those eyes even if sometimes they hid terrible, frightening secrets.

I did not want to leave his arms; I needed to remain there for both his and my own sakes. He needed me to listen and I was going to do just that. He had done so much for me that now was the time when I would sit down and just listen to him, he deserved as much. "We could run away you know?" He whispered. "We could run further away than they could ever imagine, we could run to the beach where we could spend our days walking along the long shoreline, the sand in our toes and the wind carrying the light sea spray in our faces. Doesn't that sound good to you?" He asked me in a way which I could almost see it in my mind. I could almost see the beach on which we would walk, perfect and serene and about as far away from this mess as you could possibly find yourself.

"Sounds perfect. But tell me where would we live?" I asked, "That might be an issue."

"We could live in a beachside house, small and rickety but at the same time entirely perfect and quaint in its own way. Wouldn't you love that?" He asked.

"I would." I replied honestly. "It does sound perfect and peaceful but what would we do in our spare time? There would be endless amounts of time in which there would be nothing to do or anything to eat."

"I have an answer to this problem also, I could grow our food. I could grow crops like a muggle, surely magic could aid me in this. Imagine they would never fail and we would never go hungry and at the end of a not-quite-so-hard days work I could come home and sit on the porch with you in my arms reading a book aloud in the setting sun."

"That does indeed sound entirely perfect." I replied. "Almost too perfect."

"That future could be ours if we ran away now, it could be all ours and no-one would ever find us we could run to a distant place, Australia, America. Anyplace other than here!"

"Not Australia." I whispered. "What about somewhere tropical. Somewhere like Hawaii or Fiji where the sun would be warm and the weather would not seem as dismal, constantly reminding us of what we are actually running from."

"Sounds lovely. Perhaps I would not be so pale."

"It sounds like something from a fairytale, _'And so the Princess and her Prince ran away into the sunset forever never to be seen again, but they were happy, they had their happy ending while their friends and family struggled against the forces they had run from.'_" I replied.

"It doesn't sound quite so perfect does it?" He asked.

"Not exactly. I just need time to think this over. I can't go rushing into these things." I whispered.

"I know it's a lot to ask, I know it is. Let me know when you decide what to do." He whispered.

"I will." I whispered. "Can I stay with you, I don't…"

"Want to be alone?" He asked.

I nodded my head in agreement. His hand still had not moved from around my waist, giving me the strength I needed to walk the short distance from the large open Common Room like space into his small room not all that far away. I curled into a small ball upon his bed as though it were my own and closed my eyes as though he were not there and I was alone. His arms drew me close to his chest holding me there tightly, giving me hope that we were not truly as alone as we believed in all this mess. There was always someone I could depend upon. If anyone was looking for me right now I did not care, as sleep found me the reality of Draco's news dawned upon me more serious and terrible than it had seemed only an hour ago, as least twice as worse. Yet I did not feel sad or angry, for the first time I felt nothing and that is exactly how I fell asleep, swimming among the nothingness.

Yet I did not dream anything that concerned me, I did not have any of the familiar or almost normal nightmares, I dreamt of the future that Draco had proposed to me, the seemingly perfect and wonderful future. I awoke still in my clothes from the day before, however I was no longer curled into a ball, but held warmly in Draco's arms leaning against his warm body. It did not seem awkward or at all strange as I once thought it would be but more natural and perfect than I had expected as though it could never really be that odd. I heard the door creak open softly and a tall red-haired figure peer in. She looked at me a huge grin upon her face; she quickly pulled herself back through the door in shock. I got up carefully unwrapping Draco's arms slowly careful not to wake him from his peaceful sleep, the lines that seemed to be permanently etched upon his face gone entirely non-existent in sleep.

"Hey." I said softly closing the door.

"I was looking for you." She said quietly. "I looked everywhere, even Gryffindor Tower. I thought you'd run away."

"I wouldn't ever." I said, I knew I was lying to her considering I had been considering it moments before going to sleep the night before. "I'd tell you first."

"I didn't expect to find you in there." She said with an odd sort of tone, more accusing than calm. "You didn't tell me you were sleeping with him."

"It's the first time." I lied. "It's nothing serious; I just didn't want him to be alone last night that's all."

"Clearly your love life is a bit more serious than I imagined." She said laughing, the silence falling between us. _"I'm joking!" _She cried suddenly breaking the silence. "Hermione, you're smart enough to know what's right and wrong. I trust your judgment."

"Thanks for your vote of confidence." I said quickly almost upset that she had accused me of _such _things. "I must be off; I have to get dressed before classes. Considering I'm already behind I better be quick." I said with a smile.

"I'll catch you later." She called walking into her own room.

"Ginny, why were you looking for me?" I asked turning to face her.

"Something's wrong with Neville he's just acting strangely, can you talk to him?" She asked. "Sure. I can do that."

How could I had not have noticed what was wrong with Neville, he was one of my best friends. Surely I would have noticed if it was significant. But clearly I had been missing more than I had been seeing recently. I quickly dressed and pulled my hair into a braid before running to the first lesson finding that there was not even enough time for breakfast. I was certainly not in the mood for Muggle Studies this early in the morning, particularly after a start such as this. The moment Professor Carrow handed back our essays on Muggles from the Middle Ages to Modern Times and I saw the large _'T'_ scrawled across the top I knew that this was going to be one painfully long lesson. Of course I knew why I had received _that _mark; I could not say that I agreed on any topic at _all. _She was a barbaric woman with such terrible views on Muggles, spreading her belief that they should be treated as the animals they supposedly were.

I was glad to hear the bell ring, releasing me from this slow and painful torture. I walked straight into the corridor to where Draco stood casually lounging against the wall his hair sitting messily in front of his face. His robes were clean and neatly pressed and it was clear that he had only just crawled out of bed. I smiled at his boldness, a Head Boy skipping classes just seemed like the least of his worries, he had not asked to be made Head Boy but I thought he should have at least exhibited some of the good behavioural qualities we expected from other students. Yet at the same time he had no respect for the rules, clearly he thought he was above the rules that bound him to this place, but I knew I was the only thing keeping him here and I knew it was going to stay that way. We were going to stay, I wasn't going anywhere.

"I can't go anywhere, I need to stay."

"You can't, or you don't want to?" He asked.

"The truth? I don't want to." I said quietly. "Sorry."

"It's okay." He said drawing me into his arms.

"Thank you." I whispered pressing my lips to his before resting it gently upon his shoulder.

His voice was soft, his breath tickling my neck. "My future is with you, no matter where it is, a sunny beachside house or here within the constantly cloud covered castle. No matter where we are, you are my future and life."

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**Dedicated To: **_My Cluedo Buddies. You are too easily tempted to cheat._

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**Author's Note: **_Two Chapters in one go? What is this madness? Considering I had to stray from my plan due to a holiday in which I was promised the place we stayed at had Wi Fi and it did not, I uploaded two chapters as my way of saying sorry. Please Read and Review._


	43. When Was The Last Time You Relaxed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Three: When Was The Last Time You Relaxed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Try to relax and enjoy the crisis."_

* * *

"So, to be sure we are in agreement, our theme shall be fire _and_ ice?" I asked quickly as I was pouring over the large scroll of plans making several amendments.

"How many times do I have to say yes?" Draco replied dully from the opposite side of the table.

"That is the last." I replied quickly continuing to change several of the details on the complex plan I had worked out.

"Since when was this such a serious event?" He asked me.

"This has _always _been a matter of the utmost importance Draco; do not doubt the severity of messing something as important as this up. It could be catastrophic!" I cried, "Not that I'm stressing or anything, I'm merely concerned that perhaps we shall not be ready for such an event by January Thirtieth, it is rather worrisome to think that perhaps we have singlehandedly managed to ruin the most auspicious event of the year with our lack of cooperation and poor planning!"

"Should I be concerned that you have reverted back to Miss. Hermione Know-It-All Granger?" He asked laughing.

"_This is not a laughing matter!" _I shrieked, "_Everyone _will be judging us on how well this ball goes, not to mention all the people that have been invited, can you imagine the Minister thinking that our decorations were substandard or that the food was not as it should be? There is much to be concerned about Draco! You just can't see it yet."

"Hermione, you need to relax. The ball is six weeks away, _six. _There is plenty of time for planning. There is also _plenty _of time for you to be concerned with other matters that are in no way related to this ball. It may have escaped your notice but there is a _Hogsmeade Visit _coming up. The first for the _entire _year and perhaps the last. I think you aught to be more concerned about what you will be wearing for our date than this ball. I personally like green." He said with a mock expression of intelligence upon his face allowing it to drop to a somewhat comical expression. "Perhaps we should colour coordinate!"

"Draco!" I cried, "Can you be serious for five minutes?"

"I have been serious for the last three hours, and quite personally I do not enjoy spending my Sunday afternoon locked away in the library running over details that we have already confirmed – _Four hundred times_ – I personally would prefer to be outside _relaxing _in the snow with my highly stressed girlfriend who seems to me, at the present time about to explode with all the ball-related pressure building up within her mind. Perhaps you would care to join me outside?" He asked.

"There is no time for building snowmen and frolicking about in the snow!" I cried, "There is planning to be done!"

"Who ever said anything about _frolicking?_" Draco asked looking rather concerned, once again mocking me. "I was thinking more a ceremonial dunking of the younger students into the lake, but which ever, they sound awfully fun – do they not?"

"Draco! This plan has to be submitted to Professor Snape by _next week! _Surely there will be plenty of time for time outside after this has been submitted?" I asked. "I would hate for it to be anything less than perfect."

"Well let me see then?" He asked outstretching a hand.

I reluctantly handed the large piece of parchment to him, it was clearly covered in every kind of detail I could manage to fill it with, everything from entertainment to the decorations, to the food. Everything we had so far been able to think of had been included in the utmost detail upon that scroll. I knew there was little I could add to it, due to a lack of space and a lack of time but it would be worth adding just a few small details to the list. Even if they were not entirely needed and we could just place them on the end while decorating. Still it concerned me to think that perhaps Draco was not taking this task entirely as seriously as me, perhaps not seriously at all which was certainly _alarming. _This was the most important event of the school year; _everyone _would be relying on us to make it as perfect as possible.

"See here lies your problem." Draco cried melodramatically making several _tsk_ing noises.

"What is there a _mistake_!?" I cried jumping to my feet.

"No exactly, but between these two highly cramped lines lies the most serious problem of all. Not spending enough time with your boyfriend, and to think it's evident from something as simple as _party plans!_" He cried. "You put party planners everywhere to shame with your attention to detail and ability to take it several hundred steps to far on something as simple as the _plan." _

"Give that back to me!" I cried attempting to take it from his hand.

"I think I might keep this." He said placing it in his bag which lay messily upon the ground.

"What?" I cried a shrill tone becoming more and more pronounced within my voice. "We need to submit that soon."

"Really? I did not know that!" He mocked, grabbing his bag. "Perhaps I should take it to Professor Snape right now!"

"Draco you wouldn't dare!" I cried. "It's not even complete yet!"

"If it will make you relax and perhaps forget about this idiotic party for even two minutes I think that is a risk I'm willing to take."

"You. Give. That. Back. To. Me." I cried pointing at him. "Right. Now."

"I would very much like to keep it though!" He cried. "Plus you'll have to catch me first."

"Catch you _where_ are you going?"

"To see my _dear old friend _Professor Snape." He said running from the room much to the disgust of Madam Prince who called after him telling him that not to run in the library.

I half considered grabbing my bag before proceeding to run after him, however in the end I realised that would only slow me down further. I was also determined not to run through the library, I would not break a rule to benefit myself even in a matter such as this considering I would have taken points from students I caught running in corridors or in the library. Once free of the library I broke into a sprint running directly to Professor Snape's office. As I rounded the corridor which the office lay within I noticed Draco standing talking calmly to Professor Snape whom he seemed to have run into passing over the large scroll which I recognised as the party scroll. I realised I was going to be puffing and looking quite red, I quickly tidied myself and slowed my breathing before approaching the pair who seemed to have been discussing matters other than the party.

"Sir." I said greeting Professor Snape.

"Miss. Granger," He said calmly in his usual nasally, sneering voice. "I trust that the plans are complete."

"Yes, Sir, they are." I replied glaring at Draco. "I trust that you'll find everything you'll need to begin preparations."

He nodded before proceeding to turn as though he was about to enter his office once again. "Draco we shall resume this conversation later." He said not even turning to face him before walking up the now exposed staircase behind the gargoyle and out of sight.

"How odd." I noted out loud. "His behaviour is awfully strange these days."

"You're telling me?" Draco said.

"Did you run into him coming out of his office?" I asked.

"No he seemed to be entering it, although the way that office looks I highly doubt he spends any time at all within it."

"It seems to be that way an awful lot these days." I said calmly. "Now, perhaps we should stop avoiding the real issue. Why in Merlin's name did you hand that scroll in, you knew I was not completely happy with it!"

"Hermione, you are never content with anything these days. Everything has to be perfect. Nothing is perfect anymore, nothing ever will be! You need to stop trying so hard hoping that everything you do will be perfect, not every aspect of your life can be perfect. You just need to relax." He said softly wrapping his arms around my waist.

"But when everything's perfect I'm in control." I replied looking into his eyes.

"Then let it be out of control, let everything be chaotic every once in a while. Perhaps then you'll realise that not everything can be perfect. Perhaps you'll actually learn to let go every once in a while."

"But I want to be in control." I said plainly, stating the obvious.

"We all want to be in control, but sometimes it's just not possible."

He lent down carefully kissing me gently lifting me slightly off my feet as he did so. I carefully walked backwards once my feet were upon the ground again pressing my back against a cool stone wall. I could feel his arms pressed either side of me against the wall, holding his weight away from my body. His lips brushed against mine softly as he whispered to me, "Perhaps we should go outside."

"Perhaps we should." I said kissing him softly.

I carefully I took his hand, and followed him outside into the cold, Draco handed me his soft green scarf to place around my neck as the snow begun to fall around us. I realised that most of the students had decided to take a day off spending what was left of their free time outside in the snow. Several of the students were engaged in a fast paced, rather vicious snowball fight which seemed unlikely to end anytime soon. Where are others were simply happy to build snowmen most with the help of magic were a little nicer than something the muggles generally produced complete with snow wizard hats and similar robe like structures on their backs. Draco and I walked hand in hand to our tree by the lake which when snow covered looked more magical than it would usually look. We built to snowmen, one that looked an awful lot like me, and one that looked an awful lot like him standing hand in hand before lying down in the cold snow.

Despite the cold and despite the water from the melting ice sinking into my clothing I was not cold. In fact it was quite the opposite; I was rather warm with Draco's scarf wrapped comfortably around my neck. We lay in the snow, two snow angels the only indication that we had been here other than our snowmen. Perhaps Draco was right, perhaps I did really need to let go of these things that I could not change or make perfect. Perhaps sometimes I really did need to accept things for what they were and not what I could make them. Surely the most obvious of all examples lay beside me, Draco. Who despite everything had changed, both perhaps by me and by his own choice but at the same time is was only human and would never be perfect. Neither would I. Perhaps that it why we could be so happy together, why we could accept each others differences and just move on in life together.

"Do you remember the day Neville asked you out?" Draco asked softly.

"Of course, you're never wrong sources told you." I said with a laugh.

"My never wrong sources are wrong quite often these days." He said laughing.

"Who are those sources?" I asked.

"I overheard it all. You heard something that day, something in this very tree we lie beneath. It wasn't a bird as you thought. It was me, I'd been out here for a while just sitting here. Thinking. Then you and Longbottom appeared and I overheard everything and I made an assumption. I guess I was just jealous." I said.

"You were spying on me?" I asked, feeling like a young child for saying such a thing.

"Kind of, not intentionally I assure you." He said. "But I realised then that I didn't want you to be with Longbottom or Weasley. I didn't want you to be with either of them. I wanted you to be with me."

"Perhaps it's a good thing that I said no to him then." I replied leaning over to press my lips to his. "Because I like you right where you are, with me."

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**Dedicated To: **_Off Dreaming, for being my 100__th__ and 101__st__ Reviews_**. **

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**Author's Note: **_This is the third of my holiday written chapters, it's also another key chapter for several reasons, but also because we all know who Draco's "Never-Wrong-Sources" are now. _


	44. When Was The Last Time You Permitted?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Four: When Was The Last Time You Permitted?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Dreams __permit__ each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives."_

* * *

Darkness had well and truly descended upon the castle before Draco and I had completely finished our patrols, with the holidays less than ten days away there was very little rule following taking place within the castle among students. Overall if I were the Carrows I would have deemed tonight and last night quite successful in terms of finding victims for their punishments. However I was not the Carrows and I would never stoop to their low methods of intimidating the students for pleasure. I simply begun to dock a considerable amount of points, fifty for _each _student I found in the corridors after lights out. Although the problem was that most of the time they were students who were attempting to free other students from the dungeons, a '_crime' _which supposedly required the Carrows attention. However Draco and I had come to a spoken agreement that it was another fifty for anyone caught within twenty meters of the highly secured door after lights out.

Tonight was my night to patrol the lower floors and dungeons of the castle, not a task I looked forward to. I never wished to have to impose such heavy punishments upon their house totals but we could see no other way out. The Carrows had also taken to patrolling the upper corridors, particularly around the Ravenclaw tower and the Gryffindor tower; I presumed that perhaps they suspected that we were letting students off with warnings and '_mere'_ point taking as they saw it. They fully believed in more efficient and brutal forms of punishment as Amycus had informed me as I passed her in the corridor several nights ago. The conversation had left me quite shaken; the enjoyment which she took in retelling her most brutal punishments sent shivers down my spine. Shivers which remained with me for the remainder of the night and most of the next morning, I was glad to be rid of them.

Draco was also growing both more jumpy and nervous and the holidays drew near. He had confided in me that he feared his Mother or Father would appear suddenly to bring him home for the holidays, but the problem was he knew he would not return if this should happen. Most likely, I would not make it out of the castle alive at the end of the year either. In a way I did not fear death, but at the same time I did not want to die at the hand of the Death Eaters, for show or sport. They knew that I was not the Half-blood that I was pretending to be. Yet at the same time I felt safer here where they could not touch me, the castle provided the safe guard that I needed to survive, but in less than six months I would no longer have this, I would not be able to return unless I secured a teaching position which I highly doubted I would be able to gain, particularly with the teachers positions already full, and if any were going I doubted they would be given to me, but to _more _Death Eaters.

I feared that if the war did not end soon, Hogwarts would be in full control of the Death Eaters. It would be the equivalent of raising a small Death Eater army. By so doing, training them from a young age to perform terrible deeds and raising them to join the Death Eaters in their quest to rid the world of blood traitors and Muggleborns. If Hogwarts fell completely into the control of the Death Eaters all hope would be lost, nothing would be able to stop such a horrific reign of terror when the opposition was gathering every ounce of strength possible. Strength that I knew if it continued to grow would be the end of us all. It was not the greatest of prospects and the hope most of us held of actually making it out of this mess alive was growing slimmer by the day. News reached us constantly of more deaths, deaths of entire families and the deaths of Order members had reached our ears. It seemed as though slowly piece by piece our chances of winning were falling apart.

I crawled into bed grateful that I could sleep finally, having found a total of seventeen students in the lower level corridors. I was almost tired of telling them that if I caught them in the corridors again I would report them to the Carrows, which of course in my eyes was almost an empty threat, I could not bare to report any student to the Carrows despite my promise to Professor Snape despite knowing that if I was caught I would be in more trouble than the students I let off lightly each evening. I noticed that it was never the same groups of students twice, _luckily, _barely any had decided to test my patience or threat to it's limits. I doubted I would even be able to go through with it in the end; it was just too terrible for me to even begin to consider doing that to another student. I knew that I would not take kindly to finding myself hanging by the wrists or the ankles in the dungeons overnight or for several days, I highly doubted I would be all that popular if I willingly subjected others to that fate either.

I believed I would be even less popular if I allowed another member of the D.A to be hung by their wrists or ankles in the dungeons. That to me would show that I was working alongside the Carrows instead of against them as slowly we had begun to do. I had noticed that smaller groups of students had begun to start up graffiting the walls again, the Carrows were finding an increased amount of rebellion in their classes and I had noticed that several more attempts to break into Snape's office in search of the Sword of Gryffindor had been noted by the Carrows. I could pinpoint only two people who would be among the attempted sword thieves, Neville and Ginny. Ginny and Ginny alone was the only other living soul that knew of Dumbledore's intention to leave Harry the Sword, I believed that perhaps she had told Neville who had told a group of select students who would attempt to help them break into the office. However the newly reinforced door was not allowing much room for error.

Between the Carrows being alerted every single time someone trekked up the staircase to his office and their reaction time there was less than ten minutes to make it into the office between walking up the corridor and breaking through the door there was very little time left for actually removing the Sword from it's case, or so I had heard. I wondered whether I would be able to make it into the office in time, considering I knew the password and was not standing there endlessly attempting to guess it for later. I would also be able to pass off being within the office itself if caught as though I was looking for Snape for one reason or another. There were many areas in which I would be at an advantage should I wish to attempt this myself, what I could not see was why the Sword had been left to Harry in the first place, sure, Harry had been the one to pull it from the Sorting Hat within the Chamber of Secrets. He had following this amazing feat plunged it through the roof of the basilisk's mouth. A fine effort for a twelve year old.

But I could not see why this would be so important to Harry, why he would need the sword on his quest to destroy the remaining Horcruxes. I had awoken in my own bed beneath the covers to see Ginny leaning over me hissing my name. I had barely noticed I had dozed off between thinking about the Sword, and how I could better the other groups efforts I had completely fallen asleep and had not noticed. Immediately I noticed that it was still dark out, in fact it was _very _early. What could Ginny be possibly be doing up at such an hour. The strange thing was she was still fully dressed, as though she still had not been to bed. She was signalling to me to follow her, I got to my feet and followed her into the near deserted Common Room, where two other figures sat upon a couch casually as though there was nothing strange at all about being wide awake at _three o'clock _in the morning, according the large clock which sat in the left corner of the Common Room.

"Ginny? What on earth are you doing awake at this hour?" I asked impatiently, still half asleep.

"We wouldn't bother you unless it was urgent." She replied quietly. "We wouldn't be in here otherwise, but we need _your _help."

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently fearing only the worst.

"We need the password to Snape's Office." She replied shadily, as though avoiding the reason was going to help her.

"Why? I can't just go about giving it to students Ginny you know that!"

"We _need _to get that Sword, Hermione. _Dumbledore _left it to _Harry _for a _reason. _What if that Sword is the difference between losing and winning this war? Would you like to be the one that stands between that?" She asked.

"_No!" _I cried quietly, "Just we could get into a _lot _of trouble for this! I don't want to be the one who allows you to rush into something like this."

"It's alright, Hermione." Neville called. "We have it covered. We've been working on this plan since the last time. Even the other students who tried to do this for us have been able to tell us different aspects about opening the new door that will allow us to be in and out in less than ten minutes."

"Can't you just wait until the Sword is removed for cleaning by a student on detention?" I asked, "I could place one of you on that list."

"It does not require cleaning." Called a misty voice from beside Neville, it was Luna.

"Luna?" I cried. "You are _not _allowed in here under _any _circumstances! I might even have to take points off for this." I said helplessly. "Neville and Ginny why did you bring her in here?"

"Amycus was patrolling the corridor below as we passed. We needed to drag her in here so she wouldn't get caught, Hermione. Just give us the password so we can get her out of here and grab the Sword." Ginny pleaded.

"Hermione, there is no point arguing for attempting to steal the Sword during cleaning." Luna called loftily. "The Sword of Gryffindor is _Goblin _made, it does not require cleaning. In fact dirt and any other substance which the Sword come into contact with will only strengthen it as it practically absorbs it."

"_Fine!" _I cried throwing my hands into the air in defeat. "_Slytherin_. Slytherin is the password."

There was a silent pause as though I had confirmed something they did not want to hear. They all turned to look at me before turning to each other in concern as though hearing this had destroyed every plan they had for the evening. It dawned on me suddenly that this was not the answer which they wanted. However I could not see what was wrong, I had practically permitted them to break every rule I could begin to think of and here they all stood looking at me as though I had confirmed their worst fears and there was not a single hope left for their plan. It was mighty strange I had to admit. I could not see the problem in all of this I had just given them the ticket they needed in order to make this an efficient mission and they stood there with their jaws agape staring at me.

Finally Ginny cleared her throat, "Merlin's beard." She said softly. "He's changed the password after all this time."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My friends who permit me to be normal every once in a while._

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**Author's Note: **_I have to fight off the urge to write a lame sentence such as "To be continued" on the end of chapters such as this, as it goes against everything I stand for as a writer. I really dislike that sentence, more as a reader than a writer. However I do like cliff hangers, and seeing as Hermione is on the brink of a major discovery I really had to fight that "To be continued" urge! Want to help cure this urge? Leave a review!_


	45. When Was The Last Time You Kissed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Five: When Was The Last Time You Kissed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_A kiss is just a kiss till you find the one you love…"_

* * *

It felt as though suddenly everything they had planned had come to a crashing, grinding halt, as though the world had singlehandedly come to exist upon the success of them stealing the Sword and Harry receiving it. It turned my stomach to think that perhaps even I had come to somewhat depend on it in those brief moments that they had explained that they were capable of taking it, that it was planned down to the very last detail. I had actually come to believe that they would make it. That is why in the end I believed I handed over what I believed to be the password willingly. Yet the look of despair in their eyes told me otherwise. That we had failed before even beginning. It was not a look I needed to see in their eyes. I saw this look far too often for it to mean anything good. I had come to associate it with hopelessness, just as I had seen in Lavender's eyes that evening all that time ago.

"He changed it, I can't believe it." Neville replied. "We heard them talking that they wouldn't change the password for a while to trap students. It would seem as though they have changed their minds. Which is quite the problem for us considering that tonight will be one of the last nights we have to try and capture the Sword before the holidays, we have confirmation that Snape was indeed out earlier this evening, and there is no confirmation of a return."

"Who told you he was out of the castle?" I asked.

"Draco, says he saw him leave with his own eyes." He piped up.

"Which direction?" I asked standing.

"Towards the forest." Ginny replied. "Why?"

"I need to see Draco." I said suddenly my head spinning with all this newfound information. "I think I have realised something. Something that just might be able to help you."

I ran up the large spiralling staircase which lead up into the girl's dormitory grabbing my cloak and wand from on top of my trunk, knowing that this may very well be the last chance that Harry had of getting his hands upon that Sword. Clearly he needed it but for what? That was the only part that no longer made sense, was he supposed to shred Voldemort limb from limb with a medieval sword the same that he had killed a basilisk with. The same basilisk that during his own time here, Lord Voldemort had used to torment and even kill a student. As I ran along the deserter corridor growing ever nearer to the Room of Requirement the pieces finally after so much thought and consideration fell into their places. The places I had been struggling to force the pieces into, but now with the little added knowledge I had received I could finally piece it together, Harry did indeed need that Sword, and he needed it for one reason and one reason only.

_The sword was imbued with the venom of a basilisk – That Sword could destroy Horcruxes._

I felt a surge of energy pulse through my body, as though the thought that Harry and potentially Ron could now destroy the Horcruxes if they had that Sword, but as I had still yet to hear from Harry I was unsure whether or whether not Ron was still travelling with Ron, I was hoping that I would know for certain within the next day or two considering it was approaching a week without knowing. I reached the Room of Requirement and pulled the door open running as quickly as my body would allow me into Draco's room which was dark and quiet. I could hear his muffled snores coming from within the middle of his large four post bed. I climbed up quickly and crawled my way into the middle. I quickly kissed him on the forehead causing him to stir softly before opening his eyes.

"Isn't this scene familiar?" He noted. "I was just dreaming of something similar to this."

"I need you help." I whispered. "I'm sorry to bother you at such an hour."

"It's quite alright. This is classified as a pleasant surprise. It does not at all bother me. What would bother me if this was just another dream and I awake entirely alone in my dark room. Now that would be quite annoying."

I hit him softly before leaning over again to press my lips to his. "What is the new password for Snape's office?" I asked.

"New?" He mumbled sitting upwards slowly. "It's Slytherin as it has been all year."

"It's been changed and I need to get in there tonight."

"He's out of the castle, what good will going to visit him do if he is not even within the castle?" He asked tiredly.

"Draco, I need to help them steal the Sword tonight." I replied.

Suddenly, he seemed as though he was wide awake. His eyes grew wide in horror as though what I had just said was quite possibly the last thing he wanted to hear at an hour such as this. I felt rather sorry for him being dragged into all this mess, but at the same time it was the only chance we had. He too did not know the answer that we desperately needed to solve this problem. We needed to find someone with the password and I assumed that the only people who had been privileged with such knowledge were the Carrows and Snape himself. This bothered me quite greatly as tonight was not the night for trying to extract important information from the most vicious and revenge seeking teachers in the entire school. In fact it seemed as though in order to achieve our goal we were going to have to break several more rules than usual. We were going to need _Veritaserum_.

Even I knew that trying to obtain Veritaserum at this hour was going to be near impossible, I doubted that Professor Slughorn was going to be forthcoming with the potion, considering the use of it upon students was generally forbidden and it could be highly dangerous in high quantities. It was for that reason that I highly doubted it was going to be available in the Student Store Cupboard. I grabbed Draco's hand and pulled him out of bed grabbing a nearby jumper and throwing it into his hands. Hoping that no-one would get caught tonight trying to achieve what seemed like the impossible.

"We're just going to have to improvise." I whispered. "Do you think you could obtain Veritaserum from Slughorn's private stores?" I asked.

"I could try but I don't think I'll be successful in a single evening. I haven't even seen what type of security spells he has cast around the entrance, let alone in the room itself. It would be a highly dangerous gamble; the consequences are not entirely great." He replied truthfully.

"I'll go then." I said quickly. "I need you to go to the Gryffindor Common Room; I assume you know where that is." I said rummaging through his trunk for another jumper to pull on under my cloak. "I need you to go and get Luna, Neville and Ginny they will be outside in the corridor before the portrait. Don't give me that look." I said noticing the look of pure annoyance in his expression. "You won't get into trouble, say you heard a disturbance in the corridor during your patrol and you were taking them to see Professor Snape."

"Why would I be patrolling at three o'clock in the morning?" He replied.

"Simple. You were patrolling on Snape's request. It would not hurt to mention that you have seen me checking several of the corridors on the lower levels that will cover me if I'm caught." I replied quickly pulling a green jumper on before replacing my cloak.

"This will work?" He asked.

"I sure hope it does. That Sword is more than I first realised. Harry _needs _it." I replied grabbing my wand.

"Why?" Draco asked.

With a laugh I replied, "If I told you that, I would have to kill you." Before kissing him lightly, knowing that everything hung in the balance of this going according to plan.

"Where are we all supposed to go?" He asked.

"You need to try and guess the password before I get there." I replied. "If I can't get the Veritaserum, guessing the password is our only hope and it would help if you have already guessed it before I get there."

"I love you, you know that?" He asked.

"I love you." I replied.

"If this goes badly, I'm blaming you." He said laughing.

"If this goes badly, this may very well be the last time you ever see me." I replied.

I kissed him once again, this time more passionately before running from the room again, rushing as quickly as I could down through the corridors, carefully navigating around the more heavily patrolled corridors and down the Grand Staircase to the Entrance Hall. So far I had been lucky. I had been given a clear run up until this point; I dashed across the Entrance Hall in the complete darkness, slipping down one of the several staircases into the dungeons where I found Alecto Carrow slumped against a wall snoring softly. I carefully crept past him, careful to avoid any form of sound in the fear of waking him. That would be odd and he was in a position to question if he remained asleep and I could slip him just a few drops of the serum. I found the door with the dusty golden letters reading _'POTION STORE ROOM_' by habit I tried turning the door handle knowing that it would not open. However I had been deceived, the door creaked open revealing the fully lit room.

I noticed a figure lying in the middle of the floor of the room, it was Professor Slughorn. I smelt a sweet scent in the air, a mixture of roses and honey, strange I had smelt that before. Yet I could not remember where. I suddenly grabbed my nose realising that it was a Sleeping Draught, the very same that I had used upon Crabbe and Goyle in our second year. If dropped the potion would turn to gas causing all in the vicinity to fall to sleep. That explained both Professor Slughorn and Professor Carrow being asleep. I realised that Slughorn was still breathing, that provided some relief. It also explained why he was only meters away from the open door, all the defences down. I walked over to the shelves that held the pre-made potions, I knew the room well it had not changed at all from the time I had taken Boomslang Skin in our Second Year for the Polyjuice Potion.

I quickly grabbed the small phial containing the silvery potion and crept quietly back out of the room and along the corridor to where Professor Carrow lay fast asleep still suffering from his brief exposure to the sleeping draught. I leant over and poured several drops into his open mouth, quickly pocketing the potion. I proceeded to allow my hair to fall in front of my face, the hood of my cloak over my face to conceal my identity before kicking him as roughly as I could in the shin. His eyes immediately snapped open, glaring at me in fear. Clearly he did not realise this was a dream, he just sat there, clearly unable to distinguish between dreams and reality.

"What is the password to Snape's Office?" I hissed in a low tone. "What is it?"

"Slytherin Sir, Slytherin! Please do not hurt me!" He cried throwing his arms helplessly into the air. "I mean you no harm Sir. I only wish to serve you!"

"You have done well Alecto. Please sleep again." I said in the same hissing voice before watching as he closed his eyes dozing off again.

I pulled my hood off and ran along the corridor into the Entrance Hall again, which still remained clear. It was obvious that no-one was any the wiser about what was happening in the darkness. I had still yet to see Filtch or Amycus, but I could deal with them if I saw either of them. I was technically allowed to wander the corridors on patrols after dark. I would stick to this story. I found that I had yet another clear run between the dungeons and the Headmaster's Office where Draco, Ginny, Neville and Luna stood desperately trying to guess the password. It seemed as though they were completely lost for any more theories. As I approached I held up the bottle, brandishing it as if I had achieved the impossible.

"_You got it?"_ Draco asked in astonishment.

"Yes, and I have already questioned Alecto. The Carrows are even unaware of the password. This is not a good sign." I said, walking towards them standing just before the gargoyle. "Now if it were Dumbledore we might have had some chance…" I said my voice trailing off as I turned to see the gargoyle moving to the side.

"_Dumbledore_…" Everyone whispered in amazement.

"Very clever Miss. Granger. Now can any of you explain what exactly you are all doing standing outside my office at four o'clock in the morning?" I heard a familiar nasally voice sneer.

We all turned simultaneously to see the last person in the world we had ever expected to encounter – Snape. I felt a sensation of happiness rise in my stomach knowing that I had kissed Draco goodbye, because surely this would be my last chance. This was it.

_There was no going back._

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My MSN Bestie – It's never the same unless you're online to discuss cake with._

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**Author's Note: **_Another __Cliff Hanger? I must be mental! Leave a review to tell me how you thought the events of this highly fast paced night are panning out!_


	46. When Was The Last Time You Managed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Six: When Was The Last Time You Managed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Anticipate the difficult by __managing__ the easy"_

* * *

I swallowed instinctively, as did everyone else standing around me. This was the single worst thing that could have happened tonight. The only part of the plan I believe none of us had accounted for. Had anyone actually planned for the prospect of Snape actually returning to the castle this evening? It seemed as though this was a serious error in the planning stages of this plan so carefully worked out, it seemed as though all along luck had been on our side until the very last minute where everything fell apart at the seams leaving us with nowhere or no time to run and hide. We were caught red-handed attempting to enter his office without permission. I was not going to pretend that Draco and I had caught our own friends wandering the corridor when he most likely would have seen everything, including me approaching them brandishing the small phial of Veritaserum, that was the last thing in the world I wanted to be caught with in my possession.

There was utter silence, no-one dared to speak, almost as though secretly we all knew that there was possibly nothing we could say that could make up for what we were about to do. There was nothing to be said or done that was going to change his mind on the situation. It seemed as though everyone was choking on their own words, even I was struggling to formulate a reasonable excuse as to why we were here. In the end I abandoned the idea of speaking altogether and followed everyone wordlessly into the office after Snape who instructed us to follow him inside. We all stood together in a small group to the left of the office while he walked quickly over to the fireplace throwing a small handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace causing an outburst of brilliant emerald flames to erupt around his face. I could hear him talking to someone, it did not take much intelligence to figure out he was speaking to either of the Carrows. I felt my hands shaking as we stood there, still no-one had spoken. Ginny, Neville and Luna kept their eyes on the ground as though they were hanging their heads in shame.

I felt Draco's warm hand grasp mine soothingly. This was entirely my fault that he was here, he would still have been asleep oblivious to this all if only I had not woken him. The guilt seemed to be eating awake at me slowly, however this was punishment enough the thought that perhaps this could be the end of my journey here, that this was the final straw knowing that Professor Snape was close to trying to rid the school of my presence already. Somehow by a small miracle I had remained calm, my breathing was even and controlled. I did not feel anything, no emotions seemed to have hold of me, I was in a state of complete numbness. The triumph I had felt only minutes ago had vanished completely replaced with the nothingness I now felt. _How strange_, I thought, _its peaceful feeling nothing for once. _I knew for a fact that not everyone was as calm as I was, I could see the sweat clinging to the back of Neville's neck and I could also see Ginny's shuddering. The only person who seemed entirely unaffected was Luna, who seemed to be examining something in the air that no-one else seemed to be able to see.

Snape took his seat behind his desk, once again I noticed it was covered in a thin layer of dust, I was becoming more curious as to how much time he actually spent within this office. I was at the conclusion that he only spent whatever time was necessary within it, perhaps it was guilt. _Would a man who could murderer his predecessor feel guilt for such a crime? _I asked myself, it stood to reason that if he was willing to wipe the man who once inhabited this office from the face of the planet in a shocking act of murder it would be reasonable to assume he felt no real guilt over the entire incident. However there was something in his eyes, something I could not quite identify. I could only assume that it was not guilt, but there was pain there. I had seen so many expressions plagued by the same look of pain lurking beneath the surface. The difference was that Snape could hide it more craftily, it was not obvious but it was still there. No-one could ever hide it entirely.

It was several minutes before Alecto Carrow burst in the door, his long black robes that mirrored Snape's almost entirely flapping wildly behind him as though he was in a rush. It seemed as though he had only awoken moments ago. I smiled inwardly, knowing that he had been the one I had chosen to target for the password. However the small smirk-like smile was wiped entirely from my face when I saw the expression upon his face, one could only describe it as pure rage. I had never seen anyone looking as livid as he looked right now, it was actually quite frightening I lowered my head as he passed not wanting to be easily recognised, I hoped that there was very little chance of that happening but it was still a very real possibility and if I was caught having used Veritaserum on a teacher then it was going to be my final night Hogwarts. Potentially even my last night alive if the Death Eater's caught up to me before I could escape.

I felt a shiver pass down my spine as I thought of how I would escape and where to. My first thought was of Grimmuld Place, perhaps I could hide there for just a while in the hope that someone I knew would appear sooner or later, but I knew that would never work, it was just as likely that a Death Eater would appear as a friend. It was not a risk I was going to be willing to take in a life or death situation. Risks were supposed to be what I was avoiding, but even in Harry's absence I seemed to be attracting trouble. The kinds of trouble that I did not want at the current time. Yet it had found me, or perhaps I had found it. I assumed that perhaps really there was no way to avoid trouble when it was already a good friend you greeted with open arms each and every time your crossed paths. Professor Carrow and Professor Snape stood in the corner muttering quietly to one another as though they had already planned everything, from my expulsion to the punishment of everyone else involved entirely. We stood watching unable to do or say anything, it seemed unwise to even bother.

Snape left the room for several moments, appearing with Amycus Carrow at his heals. She looked tired as though sleep was the only thing she desired at this early hour of the morning, it seemed these people did need sleep despite my earlier beliefs. It took several moments before anyone including the Carrows and Snape to speak. It was Alecto who chose to speak first, his words coming out much more like a group of loud hissing sounds rather than actual words. He stood in front of us glaring at us, as though this was supposed to intimidate us.

"Which of you hideous brats poisoned me?" He snarled baring his yellowing teeth. "I know it was one of you, I don't just fall asleep in corridors on my own you know?"

"It wasn't us clearly." Ginny snapped.

"A likely story, chain her up!" She growled.

"I didn't do anything!" She cried desperately.

"I just fell asleep in a corridor all by me' self?" He asked laughing. "Don't lie to me!"

"Perhaps you did, I was certainly not involved!" She retorted.

"Amycus, take her and all her little friends to the dungeons." He snapped.

"No." Said an unexpected nasally voice.

I looked up to see Professor Snape standing in front of us again. This time he seemed to be contemplating something, as though he had other ideas, ideas that did not involve us all hanging by the ankles or wrists in the dungeons. He paced carefully in front of us in a way which was taunting yet at the same time thoughtful, never would I have expected such a thing of Severus Snape.

"You can have one." He said finally. "I need the other four to perform some tasks for Hagrid. He's requested four students already and here we have four, why pass up the opportunity?"

"Is that all your going to give 'em?" Alecto snapped. "They poisoned me! They are out of bed after hours, and they were trying to break into your office!" He protested, "They deserve more than just following that brainless oaf about for a few hours."

"I would of course be informing their parents." He said with a smirk, "Not to mention taking one hundred points for each student we caught this evening. I believe that is fair enough punishment."

"Which can we take?" They asked in unison, the excitement in their voices undeniable.

"I shall leave it to them to decide." He replied with a dark smile. "If none of them shall go, all shall be sent with you."

We all turned to look at each other; each of us was thinking the same thing – _Not me. _Yet one of us would have to go willingly so that the others wouldn't have to endure whatever torture was planned for them. We all turned into a huddle, almost to block out the Carrows and Snape from our conversation. I could see the same look in everyone's eyes, they did not want to know who we had chosen, no-one wanted to be the one to suggest another, but at the same time no-one wanted to be the person who willingly sacrificed themselves. I felt deep down that it was my fault; I was the reason why the plan had gone ahead, if I had only used my common sense and waited. Perhaps this mess could have even be avoided and we would not be standing here trying to make a decision like this.

"Who's going to go?" Ginny asked quietly.

"I'm not sure." Neville replied.

There was another long pause.

"_I will_." I whispered. "It's my fault we were caught. I'll go."

There was an outbreak of protest from each member of the group, but Draco was the loudest of all. "No!" Draco hissed. "No you won't. It certainly was not your fault; you won't take the fall for this. I can't let you."

"Draco, don't bother." I whispered. "I've made up my mind. I can do this. I can handle them and what ever they throw at me."

"Please, Hermione. Don't. I'll go." He whispered in my ear.

I turned to face him. "This is my fault; I will do what is necessary to make amends for my actions."

"They weren't yours!" He cried. "You didn't plan this."

"But I was part of it and someone has to take the fall." I replied.

He stared into my eyes; I could see the concern dwelling within his beautiful grey-blue eyes. I could always see his emotions in his eyes, as though they really were a mirror to his soul. I could see the desperation and every emotion that lay in between. I took his hands in my own and whispered to him softly. "_I love you_." Before turning and waking towards the Carrows.

"I'll go with you." I said as calmly as I could.

"_Excellent_." The Carrows replied in unison as I walked towards them the darkness in their eyes becoming more pronounced.

I had managed to screw up everything, I had managed to place myself in the worst situation I could imagine, I was now going to be a victim to the Carrows bullying until it was deemed that I had been punished fully. I knew this would take longer than usual; I was most likely going to serve punishment for Ginny, Neville, Luna and Draco who had managed to walk away with yet another minimal punishment. As I walked out the door with the Carrows a few steps ahead of me, I glanced back at my friends who still stood exactly where I had left them. There were tears in Ginny and Luna's eyes as slowly walked away from them wondering, whether this would be the last time I ever saw them. I turned to walk towards my fate silently, not even bothering to question what lay in store. I felt a hand grasp my shoulder and pull me back and as I turned I was pulled into a passionate kiss.

I felt Draco's arm wrap around pulling me closely to his body. There were tears in his eyes I noticed as I glanced up at him. I carefully brushed the tears away, "Don't cry." I whispered. "I'm strong enough to manage."

"_I love you."_ He whispered.

"I love _you_." I replied reaching up and kissing him once again, the sadness and the sweetness of the kiss drowning out everything else.

I pulled away slowly pressing the small phial of Veritaserum in his hand as I turned away from him, holding back the tears I felt gathering in my eyes.

"Don't worry." I said loudly. "I can manage."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Aunt, for suggesting the title: "Whacky Witches Welcome You" for my novel. It may not suit at all, but it made a brilliant working title that made me smile every time I saw it._

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**Author's Note: **_Four Chapters to Go! Two review to go until we reach the goal I set to go with the challenge! _

_Song of the Chapter: __**How Strong Do You Think I Am by Alexz Johnson**_


	47. When Was The Last Time You Regretted?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Seven: When Was The Last Time You Regretted?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no __regrets__.__"_

* * *

I'd lost track of time, the days seemed to be blurring together, yet I could not remember whether I had been hanging by my wrists for a day even. The pain was almost too much to bear, yet I would not scream. I would not cry. I would not give in to the Carrows. I refused to admit weakness to these vultures. Yet at the same time I regretted that I was so stubborn and refused to do so perhaps that was the only thing that stood between me walking out those large doors and spending another day or two dangling helplessly by my wrists in the centre of an unfamiliar dungeon. I had attempted to escape, yet I could not slide my hand through the bulky shackles which chained me firmly to the roof. I had tried to claw them open yet it had left my nails in pieces, not to mention the strain and power it took to pull my other hand across to the other. I seemed to have waisted a large amount of energy attempting to escape when it was practically impossible.

My chest was tight, the muscles being strained from the stress of hanging from the roof, my feet at least several meters off the ground. I coughed, sending a shockwave of pain through my body. I let out a small cry, bitting my tongue in order to stifle it. I felt a sharp stinging on my tongue, a small trickle of warm blood filling my mouth. The familiar salty taste caused me to gag, it almost hurt to breathe, yet this was beyond pain. Everything ached. I slowly began to lose my grip on reality, drifting in and out of consciousness almost unnoticeably, the only difference I could notice between when I was awake and when I re-awoke, unaware that I had passed out was the change in my guard. The Carrows seemed to change regularly, most likely to fit it in with their teaching schedules yet it was frightening to think how long I was spending out of it without realising.

Only twice had I been left entirely alone and it was only for the briefest of moments. Well that is what it felt like. No-one had spoken to me, the silence echoed in my ears, yet I felt glad that it was not entirely dark or I may have lost grip on my sanity entirely. I was holding on to what was left of my being, holding onto the last tendrils of life that I felt. I had moved past regretting, I had moved past being angry, sad, in denial and all the other stages of grief, I accepted that this was my fate. This was it; I doubted they would release me in time for me to walk away from this. It seemed as though this was merely the beginning of the punishment I was receiving. I was entirely alone, I noticed. I must have passed out again, the last time I checked Alecto was standing against the far wall beneath the small flickering lantern. Now I was alone, I tried once again desperately to free myself. Yet I failed it caused more pain attempting to free myself, using up the last of the energy I had left.

It seemed like an eternity in which I was left alone. The silence and near darkness my only companions. I heard the door creak open and a tall figure emerge through the blinding amounts of light. It was a student, their green Slytherin tie the brightest feature I could see. A shiver that spread down my spine caused me to shudder. This boy was no older than a fourth year; he looked young and rather regretful himself.

"I'm here to take you to Professor Carrow." He mumbled pulling his wand out of a pocket in his robes.

"No… Please… Please… Don't." I whispered, the words coming out jumbled and confused.

"_Alohomora_." He said loudly, the lock on the shackle that held my right hand in place opening instantly, causing the right side of my body to fall leaving only my left hand attached.

"No. Stop. Don't. No." I whispered.

"_Alohomora."_ He whispered, the same clicking sound coming from above me.

I felt myself hurtling towards the fast approaching floor, nothing in between me and the cold, hard stone. I hit the ground hard, although nothing else could be expected. I felt the bone shattering force that erupted through my entire body as I collided with the ground. I cried out in pain unable to stifle it this time, my body too weak to withstand the pain any longer. I struggled to crawl to my feet, finding that if I tried I would simply slump back to the ground again; I must have broken a rib or two. It was the only explanation for the pain I felt that seemed to be coming from my chest. I slowly pulled myself to my feet, finding that I would end up upon the ground soon after. It was as though I had no control over my body anymore, which was not helpful considering I was about to become a demonstration for a class. The regret I thought I had moved past returned, it was now more than ever that I regretted placing myself in this situation it the first place.

I felt the boy grab me under the arms, wrenching me to my feet. I screamed out in agony as my body twisted sidewards causing my ribs to move in a way which did not agree with their broken state. I screamed for the pain I felt, the ankle that had twisted underneath me upon impact, and I screamed in fear of what horrible fate awaited me next. Had I not repaid our debt enough? Had I not suffered enough? Was the pain and torture of hanging from the roof of a dungeon for hours on end not enough for these people, would anything ever be enough? The boy set me on my feet pushing me forward forcing me to begin walking. My body could barely stand any more of this movement. I wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the ground and die, even that would be better than being subjected to this humiliation. Nothing could have been worse, I had spent hours praying that someone would come for me, that Draco would realise that I was in a separate dungeon, guarded at nearly all hours of the day. I prayed that he would realise to use the Veritaserum to force my location from the lips of Alecto or Amycus.

_I had given it to him in case of such an emergency._

Yet he had left me, entirely alone. He did not appear suddenly in a blaze of glory at the door, smiting the Carrows and freeing me from my prison. No, he had failed to even make it to the door from what I had heard. Didn't he love me anymore? Did he wish to abandon me now that I was a threat to his perfect façade? Was I really that much of a danger to him now? I had so many questions which only he had the answer to, the long hours giving me time to think deeply about every issue under the sun. My regrets, the moments I was proud of. They blurred together, the pieces of my once almost perfect life having fallen apart had been rebuilt shoddily, yet at the same time the largest piece was Draco, who lay at the very centre of the vast web. My mask had been shattered yet he was the one who had rebuilt it. He had been the one to reach out to me, the one who did not care of the risk or what others would think and by rebuilding my mask he was the one who became an essential part of it, the part that kept it together.

_He was the one who built me back up again when I was broken._

Yet now, when it seemed as though I needed him most he was not here. The cracks in my mask beginning to show once again. I hobbled along best I could behind the student, the eyes of everyone we passed upon me. Some whispered and some pointed. It was humiliation for what we had done; I was the one who had to bear it. I hung my head so no-one would see what I looked like; surely it would not be pleasant. This was the price one paid for doing the right thing. For attempting to do some good in the world. I had failed not only myself and my friends who had been involved, but Harry and Ron also. That sword meant everything and I had failed. I was not only hanging my head to hide my face, but in shame. It seemed as though I had stirred quite a crowd in my passing.

"Long live Potter!" Cried a small red-haired girl, her voice loud and strong as I passed by her.

I lifted my head to look at her, the hope in her eyes shinning so brightly. "Long. Live. Potter." I said as loudly as I could manage, leaving me breathless.

"Long live Potter." Repeated a third year I recognised from D.A.

"Long live Potter." Repeated the small red-haired girl.

Within seconds it had spread, numerous people were crying it with such passion that it caused Alecto Carrow to stalk out from a corridor nearby. The look upon his face dropped. He saw me at the centre of the group and his expression became enraged. From his position at the top of the staircase he called to the boy who had released me, Travis was his name apparently. He ordered him to drag me to him, using whatever force was necessary. I stood up as straight as I could glaring into Alecto Carrows dark seemingly venomous eyes and cried throwing my hand above my head as high as I could with my ribs causing me more pain than they had yet: "_Long. Live. Potter!"_

His face contorted into a snarl as I approached tripping several times on the stairs, the students below still chanting as though Harry was really here. I smiled back at them proudly, noticing Ginny, Luna and Neville among the crowd chanting more loudly than anyone else. Luna was swaying in a fashion that was similar to that at Bill and Fleur's wedding. I felt a surge of energy fill me as I walked up the final steps, enough to get me to the top. I had made it this far, nothing else seemed to matter as I collapsed at the top of the stairs everything going dark.

* * *

I awoke, my head was throbbing the darkness swirling about me in a way that left me confused and disorientated. I tried to move my hands yet I found that I had no control over any of my limbs. Once again I was hanging helplessly from the roof of the dungeon, the small bright flickering lantern the only indication that this was the same place. I could feel a layer of dried blood on my face, my nose felt as though I had crushed it upon collapsing, that much was most likely true. I had fallen face first, that was the last thing I remembered before awaking in this place again. I tried once again to move my hands from beneath the shackles. It seemed as though this time they were slightly looser than last time. I could almost slip my hand from underneath the cuff, yet not quite. I fidgeted for several minutes before a calm voice spoke to me.

"Stop moving." He whispered.

"I can almost get out." I replied.

"You're going to need that strength." He replied.

"What on earth for?" I asked nervously.

"To run."

"Draco?" I asked, turning to see that the figure beside me had his face covered by a wave of long blond hair.

"Yes, it's me. I got myself caught so I could rescue you." He replied. "Now hold on a second."

I watched as he moved about an awful lot, before pulling his wand from within the sleeve of his robes. He quickly freed himself falling gracefully to the ground landing in a crouched position. He pulled himself up straight before pointing his wand at me this time. I heard the locks click and the instantaneous sensation of my entire body falling through the air. Landing gently within his outstretched arms. I was still none the wiser about what had led to me being replaced in the dungeon and Draco appearing beside me, yet I did not question it. I was almost too weak to question anything at the present time. I felt him holding me gently as he kissed my lips softly.

"I would never leave you in a place like this." He whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whispered kissing him back.

He slowly placed me on my feet. "Do you regret this at all?" He asked.

"I did for a while." I replied truthfully.

As we walked to the door I felt faint once again, my injuries were going to hinder our escape. I knew there was not much time left, I could not avoid passing out again I did not have the energy to fight it off, "I regret it now." I whispered collapsing into his arms.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Noob of Strandicture all I can say is: Lime. _

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**Author's Note: **_This is the second part of the three-part mini-plot I have worked out. I hope it's living up the expectations you hold for it! Also, is it just my email or is no-one else receiving alerts? I didn't even receive the usual Chapter Update Alert email, which has me worried did anyone else not receive one for Chapter 46? Let me know I'm dreadfully confused but I think it may be a problem with my email._

_Songs: _

_**Your Eyes by Alexz Johnson.**_

_**Broken by Lifehouse.**_


	48. When Was The Last Time You Giggled?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Giggled?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_I love you to the point that it hurts, not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me long for every glance into your eyes, every little giggle and laugh, every second I can spend with you, and every time I am privileged enough to gaze upon your beauty."_

* * *

I awoke in a familiar place, no longer in the dungeons but at the same time I was in neither my dormitory nor the Hospital Wing. I had yet to open my eyes, but the softness of the mattress and the sweet smelling room was family, almost as though it were home. I opened my eyes slowly to see a figure lying beside me, Draco. He was completely asleep and even still he looked completely exhausted. I could barely remember how it was that I had managed to get here, recognising Draco's room immediately; however the sweet smell in the air reminded me of my parent's home. It was the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies a smell I was all too familiar with from my childhood. I sat up slowly, my head spinning in circles around me. Feeling nauseous I lay back down onto the soft pillows beneath my head. I could scarcely breathe, the pain in my ribs becoming more pronounced suddenly. I let out a small gasp of pain before managing to stifle it, I did not want to wake Draco from his sleep, it looked as though he had been awake for hours, the large dark circles underneath his eyes clear against his pale skin.

I noticed faint bruising upon his face which extended along his neck and onto his exposed chest; I wondered what that was a result of making a mental note to ask him when he awoke. I slowly pulled myself from the bed, feeling the desperate desire for a shower rising within me. I quickly stumbled along the cool smooth floor and into the bathroom before locking the door and sliding down its smooth surface with my back firmly against the cold wood. I craned my neck backwards and looked at the roof, the tears in my eyes forming once again. I had endured so much and had made it out alive. _I had survived. Again. _There was nothing I wanted more than to feel Draco's arms wrapped lovingly around me, yet I would not wake him to fill my own desires. He had risked his life to save mine; I would let him have the rest he so desperately deserved. I slowly pulled myself to my feet and pulled off my clothes stepping beneath the waves of warm water washing down upon me.

I watched as the water that ran off me started as a scarlet red, but slowly diluted to a pink type colour before vanishing entirely. There was more blood than I had been expecting, I looked at my wrists, they were scabbed and bruised from where I had attempted to claw myself free but scrapped my skin instead, my nails too were jagged and worn down to nothing. It was no wonder there was so much blood, my hands and wrists were a mess. I suspected that my face would be also from where I had hit the ground at the top of the staircase. The entire right half of my body felt tender and most definitely bruised as I attempted to scrub the dirt from my skin, the result of my terrible landing in the dungeons. That of course was more Travis's fault rather than my own. He should have released both locks simultaneously rather than one at a time, like Draco had. My feet ached as I attempted to stand, my legs shaking from the lack of movement that had taken place in the last few days.

I slowly sank to my feet, the water still pouring over my body washing away the dirt. I sat against the smooth tile wall pulling my knees against my chest, letting the water wash over me. My ribs ached, yet I just sat there. I did not want to move, I barely felt human anymore. Yet at the same time I was alive, I was not human, yet I was alive. My emotions and feelings seemed to almost contradict themselves. I reached upwards and pulled myself to my feet shakily. I quickly dried myself with one of the soft green towels upon the shelves and pulled the clean clothing that lay in a small pile on. I walked over to the mirror and gasped, I barely recognised the girl staring back at me. She was like a ghost of the girl I once was, thinner, paler and bruised. She looked broken, as though something had died inside of her leaving her with a gaping hole in her heart. I looked like the mask-less Hermione again. I threw my fist against the mirror causing it to shatter under the force of my fist crushing it a stinging spreading across the underside of my left hand and a thin trail of blood running down the sink.

I glanced down at the cut, realising that a piece of the mirror still lay within the wound; I carefully plucked it from my skin, barely feeling the pain that shot through my arm beneath that of my ribs. I could feel nothing; I was transfixed on the blood running from my hand into the sink, the scarlet red drops pouring from my hand. The door suddenly opened fully revealing a worried looking Draco. His eyes moved between the blood running down the sink, the broken mirror and my hand.

"What have you done?" He asked in a small voice, the terror in his eyes too much to bare.

"I don't know, I just couldn't _look _at my reflection anymore." I whispered.

"You were screaming?" He said quietly taking my hand in his. "You did this on purpose?"

"No, it wasn't meant to cut my hand. I didn't even know… I didn't mean to scream. I didn't notice."

"You were screaming that's how I knew you were in here." He said taking his wand from his pocket and running it over the wound; I watched it stitch together again as though it were only fabric. "Now I can see why. Why would you do this?" He asked.

"I didn't mean to, honestly. I just got a fright and reacted poorly. I'm sorry I woke you." I replied. "I can't even feel it. My ribs hurt more than that tiny wound."

"It's bleeding everywhere. It's not tiny," He noted. "at least we could patch you up."

"I think I need to go to the Hospital Wing." I said softly.

"Why?" He asked.

"I think my ribs are broken. Not just one, three at least. It hurts to talk, Draco. I just need to have this fixed properly, so I can sleep, eat and breathe without feeling this pain."

"Is it that bad?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"Then I'll take you to the Hospital Wing." He said, "Can you walk?"

"Slowly, but yes I can."

"I'll carry you, best not do any more damage to those ribs." He said lifting me slowly and gently into his arms, my ribs not bothering me once with the gentleness of his touch.

"I was scared." I whispered. "I was scared you weren't going to come for me."

"I was scared too." He whispered pressing his lips to my forehead as he carried me gently down the lamp-lit corridor. "That I'd be too late."

"How long was I there for?" I asked.

"Six days." He replied. "Four days longer than any student before you, you survived six days of a punishment that would have killed anyone else within three. You are stronger than any normal person Hermione; your strength gives those around you strength. It was that reason that on that sixth day after trying unsuccessfully to steal the information from the Carrows I decided to be caught too and placed beside you. I'd never felt a need to do something as strongly as this, to walk into the classroom where your limp body lay slumped against a wall prepared and ready to be crucified as many times as that animal pleased. I needed to save you; something drew me to saving you again, as though I know there is no way I can live without you." He paused, "As though I sub-consciously knew that if you died, I would die too."

"You'd live." I said softly.

"Perhaps I would be alive, yet I would be dead inside. A dark pit swallowing what ever would be left of me once you were gone piece by piece until there was nothing left. It was as if I knew that would happen and I was then I knew that I could not let you die. I would not. I would do anything for you."

He slowly opened one of the large doors that lay at the entrance of the Hospital Wing and walked inside, immediately Madam Pomfrey rushed forward fussing over me as though she knew we were about to walk through the doors at that very moment. Draco placed me upon one of the small beds and took a seat beside me as Madam Pomfrey drew the curtains blocking me from the sight of the students who lay shuddering in their beds. As if she knew I did not need to see such a thing at the time, the look in her eyes told me it was partly because she wanted to be shielded from it also, she was tired. Tired of seeing the same thing everyday, seeing students who were injured in ways that one could not begin to imagine because the two animals that had been given teaching positions in the school believed in torture as punishment. She looked as though she missed the days when she had to deal with students accidentally enlarging their noses, and teeth, wishing that we could go back to such a time when things were simpler.

"She should have been brought straight to me, Mr. Malfoy. What were you thinking?" She said pulling out her wand running it over my body.

"The Carrows, they would come looking for her if I brought her here." He replied.

She made several small _tsk_-ing sounds as paused to look at him, "Four broken ribs, a fractured right arm, broken nose and severe bruising. That is what escaped your expert medical attention Mr. Malfoy, she is very lucky one of those ribs has not punctured a lung or damaged another vital organ!"

"She is lucky to be alive in the first place!" He cried. "She's strong she can overcome this."

"Where is the pain worst dear?" She asked.

"Ribs." I replied. "I can't feel any pain in my arm." I noted.

"That's because your shoulder blade is also dislocated." She said tapping my shoulder, my muscles contracting and pushing it back into place, the pain barely noticeable. "Your ribs would also have numbed the pain, would I be right in assuming you have spent very little of the past few days conscious?"

"I've been passing in and out of consciousness without realising it; I assume it was more often and for longer periods than I was actually aware of."

"That would explain why you were unaware of your injuries." She replied. "Yet at the same time, I am surprised that a girl of your age survived such a brutal punishment for so long, particularly without any form of food or water. That punishment was designed to bring you to your death. Or to push you to the very brink of it, not too many grown adults would survive such a long period of time in conditions such as that. Now let me heal the rest of your injuries so another student can take your bed."

After several clicks, several snapping sounds and a small amount of pain my injuries were almost non-existent. There was little that could be done for my bruising and my sudden weight loss, but I was informed that these would heal themselves within the coming weeks as long as I was careful to avoid being placed back within the dungeons again. I was also told to avoid all forms of stressful physical activity; however this was not entirely directed at me but directed at Draco who turned a scarlet shade of red at her words. I let out a small laugh seeing his expression, which turned from expressionless to embarrassed. I carefully swung my feet off the small hospital bed and stood upon my own two feet again, this time I was completely pain free. My ribs no longer ached in a way which left me wanting to scream. There was nothing that I could not overcome with Draco by my side. I felt human once again, the pain gone replaced once again with the ability to think. I remembered that there was only three days until Christmas suddenly and that the snow would be at it's thickest around the grounds.

I took Draco's hand in my own and we walked together from the Hospital Wing back to the Room of Requirement where Ginny, Neville, Luna, Seamus and Lavender were gathered together in the large living room. I smiled upon seeing them finding myself being hugged numerous times by all present. Ginny who was usually quite in control of her emotions let go of her mask completely, several tears falling down her cheeks as she apologised continuously to me for her actions. Stating that it should have been her instead of me, considering it was she who dragged me into this in the first place. None of that seemed to matter anymore, the room had provided three new bedrooms, one for Seamus, one for Lavender and one for Me. Apparently Lavender and Seamus had been in trouble for expressing their opinions in class about the torturing regime. Yet it felt like home now. It felt more like home than it had before.

We stayed up later than usual, there were no classes left to worry about. Luna, Ginny Seamus and Lavender would all be on the train back home tomorrow to spend time with their families. Neville had managed to find several bottles of Butterbeer and a large collection of various Honeydukes products which were shared among the group. It would be the last time; I would see us all together for a few weeks. In the end I was left sitting alone with Neville.

"Who is she?" I asked.

"Who is who?" He replied.

"The girl who has you acting so strangely, even Ginny noticed it."

"Nothing's wrong there is no-one."

I laughed, "Neville, I am a female, I recognise the signs."

He looked suddenly concerned. "Do you think she might know?" He asked.

"Have you told her how you feel?" I asked.

"No, I can't." He replied.

"Wait here." I whispered walking to the room that I assumed was mine.

I felt breathless as I opened the door, realising that it was a replica of the room I called my own in my parent's house. The pale white walls, the large and comfortable queen size bed fitting snugly into the small room. Everything was here that I remembered, including the sweet smelling candles that I used to burn while doing my holiday homework. I noticed the delicate flower Neville had given me sitting atop my beside table next to my lamp, which I knew would not work and the large pile of books I always kept there. I carefully picked it up and carried it to him.

"Give her this and tell her how you feel." I whispered. "It made me feel so special."

"That's because you are special." He replied. "That's why you're with someone who is equally as special and not me."

"Neville, everyone's special and I'm sure out there somewhere, there is a girl who is just as special as you waiting to find you. I may have found the person who gets me more than anyone in the world, yet it doesn't mean you should stop looking." I said placing the flower in his hands. "It doesn't mean you should stop trying."

"Really?" He asked. "Do you think she will like it?"

"Depends who it is…" I whispered.

"Hannah, Hannah Abbott." He replied glancing down at the delicate flower.

I did something I had not done in a very long time; I giggled softly, "She'll love it." I whispered.

"Really?"

"Really." I replied. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you when you get back."

"I'll see you too." He replied as I opened the door to Draco's room and slipped inside.

I crawled onto his bed and lay beside him resting my head on his shoulder. "Is he okay?" He asked.

"He's fine." I said with a giggle, pressing my lips to his check as he wrapped his arms around me. "He's going to be fine…" I said my voice trailing off as I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **The Girl Who Is Over Twilight, AKA The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much: Your Challenge inspired me to believe in myself.

*******

**Author's Note: **_*Joyous Squee-ing of some description* Only two chapters to go, and a big thank you to those who reviewed and read my story. Basically all those got me to my review goal of 110 and visitor goal of 10,000. You are amazing!_

_Songs: _

**Tears of an Angel by RyanDan.**

**Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore.**


	49. When Was The Last Time You Rescued?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Forty Nine: When Was The Last Time You Rescued?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Hope is the expectation that something outside of ourselves, something or someone external, is going to come to our __rescue__ and we will live happily ever after.__"_

* * *

I awoke early Christmas morning with a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling that something was wrong; something was amiss in my once-perfect now shattered world. It was still dark outside, the sun had yet to rise and yet the darkness seemed so much stronger in these early hours than it did in the hours where the small amounts of light managed to seep through the thick cloud cover. As the sun broke across the horizon behind a bright red sky I knew something was definitely wrong, as though this was the confirmation that I needed. I slowly slid out of my bed and padded across the cold floor to the door, opening it slowly to realise that no-one else had woken. The sudden realisation that I was one of two left here for the holidays hit home fairly hard, the only reason I was here was because the only family I had left was here too. Draco would surely still be sleeping, I would let him sleep. I grabbed my cloak which lay flatly against the leather couch from the night before and pulled it on walking from the room.

Almost as though I knew the answer to my unsettling feeling would become apparent if I wandered the corridors I followed my instincts. I wandered aimlessly until something stopped me, an open door. I realised I had stopped suddenly outside Professor McGonagall's office. She was speaking rather loudly to someone, they were arguing. After several moments she let out a loud sigh and apologised walking to the doorway where I stood, I noticed the familiar emerald green shade of Floo Powder against her robes. She looked quite shocked to see me awake so early, yet I was more surprised to see her awake, particularly as she had been arguing quite loudly with the mysterious person I could not see. She no longer looked like herself, she looked drawn and stressed, as though this year had already taken it's toll upon her. It could not be easy being Minerva McGonagall, I thought. She was one of the few teachers who openly opposed the Carrows and Snape. One of the few who were willing to outstretch a helping hand to students such as myself.

"Merry Christmas Professor." I said quietly.

"Merry Christmas Miss Granger." She said sadly.

"Is everything alright, I had an unsettling feeling when I woke."

"I just heard from Horace, they have still been unable to locate the student who went missing from the train two days ago. He is still not well from the incident in the dungeons, yet he is one of the few teachers I trust enough to send to search for them." She said with a heavy sigh. "I should have gone myself, yet leaving the school at the mercy of the Carrows is not preferable."

"Who went missing?" I asked feeling that familiar lump in my throat that I was so accustomed to.

She sighed removing her hat her expression falling softly, "Miss Lovegood."

"_Luna_!" I cried. "I need to go; I need to help find her."

"Miss Granger I cannot allow you do anything of the sort." She replied sharply. "We have reason to believe that she may be in the hands of the Death Eaters."

"She's just a girl. A teenager, she never did anyone any harm! She certainly did nothing to earn the attention of the Death Eaters!"

"Miss Granger, I know it's difficult."

"She's my friend." I replied. "She's not a threat to them. She would never do anything that could earn herself that kind of attention."

"I know, Miss Granger. I can see why you sympathise, you never did anything wrong. All you ever did was befriend a boy who was marked for death from the moment of his birth. By so doing, marking yourself as a threat, you are no different to Miss Lovegood."

"Ginny, Neville, Seamus, Lavender… Are they… Are they alright?" I asked.

"Aside from a few bumps and scratches they remain unharmed." She replied. "I suggest you return to your hiding place, it is still early and I expect Mr. Malfoy will be looking for you." She said with a smile.

"How do you know?" I whispered. "I am sure that seven unaccounted for students each night does not go amiss that easily." She said grabbing a pile of scrolls from her desk. "And, Mr Malfoy has informed me of each of your situations. He can be a truly remarkable young man at times. Quite shocking really."

"I know that." I said with a smile. "That's what I love about him."

"Oh, to be young and in love." She said quietly to herself. "Best not keep him waiting."

"Professor can you do one thing for me?" I asked quietly.

"What would that be?"

"Find her, and bring her home where she belongs. Don't leave to rot among those vile people."

"I will do all I can." She replied walking past me. "I shall see you at the feast."

I did not need any added worries in my life, yet here was another. One of the brightest and yet the most strange girl I had ever had the fortune to meet was in the hands of the people who hunted Harry – The people who wanted nothing more than death and chaos in the world. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach thinking where she would be spending Christmas, where she was being held captive. I did not allow myself to believe she had been murdered, I believed in my heart that she lived. I walked back to the Room of Requirement hoping that Draco would not have noticed my absence, I quietly opened the door and wandered over to the large green tree that had appeared in the corner last night so beautifully decorated under which lay a large pile of presents for both Draco and I. I sunk to my knees, and carefully pulled out the present which were labelled to me, I felt a pang of sadness rip through my chest upon realising I had not sent anything to my Mother and Father or Harry and Ron. A small cascade of tears trickling down my cheeks uncontrollably as the sadness filled every inch of my body.

"It's Christmas, you're not supposed to be sad." Draco whispered in my ear pressing his warm lips to my neck.

"I don't have much to be happy for." I replied.

"Yet you still have something at least." He pointed out.

I turned to face him, "That's true." I said kissing him softly.

"Our first Christmas, how romantic." Draco pointed out.

"I didn't pick you for being a sentimental type." I replied. "But I didn't pick you for being a person who reads either."

"I didn't pick you for being the 'I like to point out the obvious type" either." He said with a laugh. "However that's what I like about you."

"I got you something and I wasn't sure what I wanted to get you so I bought the one thing I knew that every time you wore it you could think of me." I said pulled the small box from under the tree and handing it to him.

He opened the small box carefully revealing the small silver ring that hung from a silver link chain among the soft white velvet the gift had been placed in. The ring was engraved, his name burning a brilliant crimson in the silver ring. I glanced down at the last of the sample I had taken of the _Desire of the Heart_, the crimson liquid filling the space in the hallow ring I'd had designed for this very purpose. I looked at his face as he stared at the ring, the swirling masses of liquid captured within the ring.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"I love it." He replied still staring at the ring. "Is that _Desire of the Heart_ within the ring?"

I nodded, "I saw you in my potion and I used the other tiny bits I had left to see you when I couldn't."

"I saw you in my potion too." He whispered wrapping his arms around me. "Thank you."

He pulled a small box from within his pocket; it was silver, engraved with swirling lines which connected in the centre of a brilliant red ruby in the shape of a heart. "It's beautiful, thank you." I whispered.

"That's the box." He pointed out.

I carefully opened the small box, a delicate silver hinge opening slowly. I gasped loudly almost dropping the box upon realising that the item within the box was a ring. A ring so exquisite it made my gift feel extremely inferior. I realised just how much a ring of this quality would have cost, the box alone seemed to be worth at least the price of a small house, but the ring outshone even that. Sitting atop a delicate silver ring was the largest ruby I had seen in my life, the ring itself was a testament to the makers skill, the band appeared to be modelled after vines – seven delicate vines with small delicate leaves weaving intricately to form a ring leading to where they curled up upon the ruby, holding it firmly in place. I felt several tears falling down my cheeks, knowing that I could _never _accept something this beautiful or expensive. I had a rough idea that the ruby itself would be worth somewhere in the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

"That's a natural Burmese ruby if you're wondering ten carats. My Grandfather gave it to my Grandmother on their fiftieth wedding anniversary. He said that she was still the most beautiful woman in the world and that she should have a ring that she would always be more beautiful and valuable than to him, that money meant nothing when they were together. He bought it to prove that nothing else mattered, other than them being together."

"The box alone is worth more than everything my parents and I own, Draco! I can't accept this!"

"I didn't buy it, it didn't cost me anything. But at the same time it means so much to me, I really do miss my Grandparents, and you know what? I don't mind parting with the only thing they left me if it means that you're happy. If it means I can look into your eyes and know that our love is the only thing that matters between us. My Grandmother was like you, she was _different, _she wasn't the usual Malfoy woman, and she was certainly nothing like my Mother. In the end your love means more to me than a ring, because your love rescued me and I will spend eternity trying to repay that."

"You don't owe me anything." I pointed out. "You've saved my life. We are even."

"Would you please just take the ring?" He asked taking the ring from the box and attempting to slide it onto my finger. "Why are you making this so difficult?" He asked as I pulled my right hand away.

"Because rings worth millions of dollars should go to people who aren't me. People like me don't get given rings like _that!_" I cried. "I never expected something like this. I can't… I don't… I want…" I said spluttering.

"You will wear it?" He asked.

"It's something you should wear if we were to be married. Not just as a gift." I replied.

"What if it could symbolise more?" He asked. "What if it symbolised something different? Say perhaps as pre-engagement ring. They are not uncommon."

I stood there shocked, staring into blank space, surprised that something as simple as a Christmas gift had gone from being just a gift to something as large as a pre-engagement ring. I ran my hands through my hair trying to brush it away from my face. I needed time to think all of this through. Something this complex and confusing was not what I had expected.

"Do you love me?" He asked, I nodded in response. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course." I replied. "Well then take the ring. Wear it. It can be something as simple as a symbol of the love I feel for you, if that's what you want. _My love, my rescuer, my other half_."

He slowly placed the ring delicately upon the middle finger on my ring hand. "It's beautiful. Thank you." I said cupping his face in my hands and pressing his lips to mine gently. "It was too much."

"I'd give everything for you. It means nothing in comparison to my love you. I want you to know that."

"I will never forget it." I whispered. "I will never forget you."

"That is comforting to know." He replied. "That ring symbolised so much to the woman who wore it before you. I hope one day that it can mean just as much to you."

"I hope it can too. If you don't mind me asking how did she die?"

"She died of heartbreak; my Grandfather's death destroyed her." He replied quietly.

"Love is the most powerful of magic. It does things that change us completely. Those changes make us who we are."

"Love rescues us." Draco whispered.

If, I had saved Draco why had I not been able to save those who had fallen around me, why had Luna been kidnapped? Why had Sirius died? If I could save one person why couldn't I save more? Almost as though Draco could hear my silent pondering he whispered in my ear; "You can't save everyone, but you try so hard. It's another of the reasons I love you." And with that he took my hand leading me down to the Great Hall where the small gathering of students and teachers who had remained behind for Christmas were waiting for us.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Sister, whose taste in jewellery truly is quite exquisite. _

*******

**Author's Note: **_The mystery of the potion has been solved; it has passed ownership to Draco. That ring, the ruby ring, if I am correct in my research the ruby alone is worth 2.45 million dollars, quite an expensive gift but indeed one I could only dream of. However it does have it's basis on a real ring, one I could only dream to own, however it's not quite as magical, I can only dream. _

_Song: _**The Art of Love by Guy Sebastian and Jordin Sparks**


	50. When Was The Last Time You Deserved?

**_When Was The Last Time You?  
_**_Chapter Fifty: When Was The Last Time You Deserved?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"__The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.__"_

* * *

The feast was simply divine, however I expected no different from the house elves who worked so tirelessly in the kitchens. The only aspect of the feast that seemed less than satisfactory was the company, spending my Christmas Lunch with most of the school's faculty and several Slytherin students was not exactly the Christmas I imagined, it was certainly a far cry from my family Christmases. However there was a festive spirit in the air, one that shone through the darkness as the members at the table shared their meal and later a series of incredibly noisy Christmas crackers which seemed to contain anything from mice to complete chess sets. It was as much as I could have hoped for seeing as I would not go to the Weasley's this year despite Ginny's invitation several nights ago, and I'd remain behind in the castle where I belonged. I would not stray far enough to put myself or anyone else in danger again. I would not risk the only family who recognised me being put in jeopardy because of my selfishness.

"Miss Granger, that truly is an exquisite ring. Where ever did you get it?" Professor McGonagall asked, staring at the beautiful ruby ring upon my right hand.

"Draco gave it to me, it was a Christmas gift." I replied. "I was rather spoilt this year."

"Dear, where you aware it has protective properties?" Asked a misty voice from further along the table.

I looked up to see Professor Trelawney glaring at my hand, the ring sitting so delicately upon my finger despite its size weighing next to nothing. Her glasses too big for her face sliding along her nose as she glanced nervously at the ring, her wild frizzy hair looking slightly more tame than usual. She looked somewhat frightened by the ring, almost as though she had seen it before.

"Protective properties?" I asked.

"Yes dear. It's a ruby, it's a gemstone that some believe to be closely connected with life and energy, some have said that they bring wisdom and focus to those who wear them. However, there are many different takes on what exactly they do and the powers which they are believed to possess in the muggle world, I for one know that ring carries a powerful protective charm. I've seen that ring once before in my lifetime. A woman seeking a reading from Grandmother came to her late one evening, I was young at the time but I remember her beauty and how not even the ring could compare. Her husband had given her the ring; he was drawing closer to death with every day. He had been ill for quite some time and she was concerned that he would soon pass. She wanted to know how to avoid this." She whispered her voice soft and quite frightening; her eyes were closed as though she could see the memory replaying in her mind. "The ring clearly did not protect her from herself."

"Sybil is _now_ the time?" Professor McGonagall hissed.

"Yes, for Miss Granger should know that the ring cannot protect her from herself. That is the one thing it cannot protect you from. In the end it creates the greatest danger of all, that of yourself."

"So it can stop me from being injured, but it can't stop me from hurting myself?" I asked.

"You can sit around and watch all those die around you while you remain alive. In the end it will kill you." She said her voice growing deep. "Rid yourself of the ring before it is too late, the last to possess it died of heartbreak, that is the fate that awaits you should you decide to keep it."

I looked down at the ring. "It's cursed?" I asked.

"No, not cursed dear. It's a protective spell weaved so heavily into the foundations of the ring that it could most likely save you from death, but it creates it's own enemy. It comes with a warning. Not a curse."

"That makes no sense!" Draco cried. "She died of heartbreak because she loved my Grandfather! Not because she was her own enemy."

"Was she ill?" Trelawney asked.

"No, but that defeats the point, she died because her love for him was too great to even begin to bear life without him."

"Dear, that may be the case. But the ring did not protect her from this. Think about it." She replied. "The stars are aligned, great tragedy is to follow, a war is coming. That ring stands between her and murder, but it does not stand between her and death entirely."

"What a load of nonsense!" Draco cried. "How can you speak of such things?"

She shook head suddenly, blinking several times as though in shock, "I'm sorry dear, what did you say?" She asked her voice calm and misty once again.

Silence fell upon the table; no one spoke as though the state of utter confusion had rendered everyone speechless. My hands were shaking, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. _Had she prophesised my death and the deaths of those I love? _I could not help but think it, perhaps for once the seemingly insane teacher that lived alone in her tower that smelt too strongly of incense surrounded by symbols that she seemed to think prophesised the future. Perhaps as Harry had pointed out more than once she was not entirely insane, occasionally she prophesised the truth and when she did it was accurate and the events would unfold despite ones attempts to stop it. I had meddled with time enough to know that if an event was to occur that would change the world no matter what anyone did it would still happen. It was as though only parts of the future were set in stone, those with so greater influence that even before their time they were unstoppable.

I wondered to myself if my death in the near future was set in stone, that even this ring could not stop it. Perhaps the ring was more in response to his parent's threat. Perhaps Draco saw this as the way to protect me, telling me what ever was necessary to ensure that I accepted it. I did not see it as anything less than an open declaration of his love, but perhaps as even more now. It was his way to ensure I was protected when he could not ensure it himself. It suddenly seemed like so much more than it had originally. It seemed to mean everything and at the same time it could barely mean it all. Yet it was as though I could sense the love that this ring has seen in it's time, as though part of it's past owner had been imprinted upon it, only lightly but in a way that I could still feel its presence, but not in a way that was overbearing or distracting, a way that was comforting.

"Miss Granger and Mr Malfoy would you please follow me?" Professor McGonagall asked at the completion of the feast. "I require an extra pair of hands to carry these scrolls to the Owlery."

"Yes of course." Draco replied quickly.

Before responding I thought that the request seemed somewhat strange, it made very little sense to carry the scrolls by hand. "Yes of course Professor." I said calmly.

We followed her quickly to her office, where waiting for us was a fire already ablaze quite strongly. "Mr Malfoy you only have three hours. By that time I will have expected you to have returned. You must _not_ leave her behind." She said standing behind her desk closing the door with a flick of her wand. "I shall send warning if there are any unexpected visitors."

"Thank you Professor." Draco replied grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the fire.

"What are you doing?" I cried attempting to free my hand. "Let me go!"

"Do you trust me?" He asked.

"Yes, inexplicably."

"Well trust me on this. Don't let go of my hand." He said grabbing a handful of Floo Powder from within the small container dangling above the fireplace. "_Shell Cottage_!" Draco said clearly throwing the powder into the fire causing the flames to burn a bright green before dragging me in after him.

It was as though I was spinning out of control yet at the same time his hand steadied me, I had very little experience with Floo Powder, and to me it seemed quite similar to flying. It seemed to me the more and more I seemed to have to use magical transportation the more I seemed to become convinced that ones feet were supposed to stay firmly upon the ground for a particular reason. We landed with a thud, rolling out of the small fireplace located at Shell Cottage and onto the clean floor before us. I should have let go of Draco's hand as we landed upon the ground, as my firm grasp caused him to pull my entire body out of the fireplace after him landing squarely upon his chest. There was a loud gasp from directly in front of me; it caused me to look up. Standing before me was none other than Ronald Weasley, with his red hair, freckle covered face and almost too long limbs.

"Ron!" I cried launching to my feet and throwing myself into his outstretched arms. "You're alright. Thank goodness! I was _so _worried!" I cried.

"_Hermione_, I've missed you." He whispered burying his hands in my hair.

"I was so scared, scared that something bad had happened!" I cried still holding onto him tightly as though letting go would make the situation less real.

"I'm fine, but something bad has happened." He replied shiftily, as though avoiding the subject.

"Where's Harry?" I asked letting him go and peering over his shoulder. "Is he here?" I asked.

"No, Hermione. He's not here." He replied gathering me in his arms again. "But I'm so glad to see you."

"If you don't mind, I would hope that eventually you would stop placing your hands all over my girlfriend." Draco called from a nearby couch; he had in the moments of our reunion made himself comfortable. "It's awfully awkward don't you agree?"

"_Girlfriend?" _Ron spat glaring at me.

"A lot has happened in the time you've been away." I replied calmly. "A lot of good things. I wouldn't be here today without Draco. He's changed my life."

"Earth to Hermione." Ron said clicking clumsily as if it were dramatic effect. "He's a _Death Eater." _

"Not anymore!" I cried.

"No one, absolutely no one _stops _being a _Death Eater! _Hermione will you just _listen _to yourself?"

"I have. He's not a Death Eater. I saw destroy the mark with my own eyes." I replied.

"It didn't destroy my devilishly good looks at the same time luckily." Draco said casually. "Women love scars, mine is quite the stunner." He added for good measure.

"Draco, please not now." I replied.

"Draco?" Ron mocked. "What happened to you Hermione? What happened to calling him _Malfoy _and knowing he was up to no good? What happened to your better sense which clearly is no longer working? A sense that should have told you long ago that there is something awfully wrong with Draco Malfoy!"

"Ron, you _left me behind. _There is no way you should be lecturing me about sense and how to use it. If you had of used your better sense you would have taken me with you and done what was _right!_" I screamed. "For once in your life you would have done the right thing not the easy thing and perhaps maybe, just maybe my life might have been different. Perhaps yours would be too. Perhaps you would have had the guts to stay with Harry instead of abandoning him in an act of selfishness like you did me! Perhaps you would have something else rather than you have right now. But you can't change the past. The hurt you've caused and rip you've created with your actions."

"Hermione… I…" He began before I cut him off.

"Don't even bother." I whispered. "I don't need to hear excuses; I've making those for you for far too long. Now I've made my last one, I won't continue to do so. You won't let me live a life of my own, but you won't let me live the one I was supposed to. Don't judge, don't comment and let me make my own mistakes, decisions and fate in the life that I managed to build from what was left. Don't begin to judge me, or what I've done, because from where I stand I see it as a life I could never have even hoped from. From where you stand it may not seem perfect or ideal, but to me it is and if you can't accept that I suggest you don't bother writing to me again. Because already I see the cracks forming, you didn't reply to me. I was so worried and you didn't reply. _Why_?"

"Ask him. Because I wrote back, I wrote back the moment I received that letter. I suggest you ask your _boyfriend _why you didn't get that letter." Ron sneered.

"Draco?" I whispered the fear in my voice causing it to quiver slightly.

"I never meant to hurt you." He replied too quickly. "I wanted to protect you. I wanted to protect you from what you'd do in response to _that _letter. _That _letter that begged you to join him here, the letter that expressed his love for you, love that he would always feel and never forget. You couldn't handle it, you have no idea how badly you would have taken it."

"But I would have dealt with it!" I cried. "I wouldn't have run off with him. I love you! I would never do that to you! But you don't trust me; you didn't trust me enough to do the right thing."

"Hermione, I never…" He stuttered. "I organised this for you! That is how much making things right for you means to me! I didn't mean to hurt you, that letter appeared while you were asleep. It wasn't addressed and I opened it by _accident! _I never meant to see it, but I'd opened it and I saw the last line and I panicked and I'm sorry! I'm sorry for acting like a fool! You mean more to me than anyone and I know you trusted me! I know you trusted me without question and I betrayed that but I wanted to make things right!"

"Hermione, I would never have done that to you…" Ron added in. "I would never hurt you like that."

"Hermione, please believe me! I didn't want to hurt you! I was going to tell you, but I couldn't not after the dungeons. I couldn't."

"The _dungeons?" _Ron asked his jaw dropping. "Who _are _you, Hermione?"

"I'm same person, Ronald. It's not what you think at all. _Nothing _like _that_!"

"Then tell me what it is, Hermione. Because I sure as hell don't understand what you see in him enough to spend time _alone_ in the dungeons with him doing Merlin knows what!"

"Ron!" I cried. "That is _ridiculous_! Ron, do you want to know something, because right now you seem to think you have all the answers. Ron, the reason I was chained by the wrists in the dungeons was because I stood up for your sister. That's right, Ron, your younger sister – Ginny, was in danger so I gave myself up in her place. And another piece of information that has escaped your notice is the fact I hung there for _six days. _I sustained four _broken ribs, _a _broken _arm, cuts, bruises the works." I said lifting my shirt to show him the right side of my stomach which still bore the dark bruising from my fall. "And I did that to save your sister from that fate. Draco was the one who rescued me. He was the one who got himself in enough trouble to ensure he was hung beside me. Lucky he did, I wouldn't be here if he hadn't. Don't lecture me about things you can't even begin to understand Ronald Weasley, because it's not me that's changed the most it's you. The old Ron would never have questioned me."

"I'm sorry." He replied quickly. "But ever since I discovered you were friends with _him…" _

_"_In _love." _I corrected.

"I think I have the right to question your judgment." He continued as though I'd never said anything, a silence following.

"_In love?" _Ron finally whispered. "You're in love with _him?_"

"Ron, I, can't explain it. It just happened! Love isn't spelt out in black and white it's unpredictable and when it finds you, you don't want to give it up. When the heart calls you listen_. I listened_."

"But _my_ heart calls for _you_." He replied quietly, the look in his eyes bearing the emotions I never wanted to see, sadness and anger. "Hermione, _my_ heart calls for _you_."

"I… I… I…"

"Hermione please?" He asked. "This was for you… I wanted to see you more than anyone else today."

"Please don't." I whispered.

"Hermione…" He whispered.

"Hermione?" Draco said softly standing several paces behind me. "If you love him, just tell him. I'll go. I know when I'm not wanted." I heard his footsteps retreat towards the fireplace, his voice echoing in my mind.

I turned to see him whispering something before vanishing among the emerald green flames. It happened in slow motion in my mind, I could not stop it. I felt my heart breaking in two as I watched him disappear, "Draco!" I cried, the sound of my heart breaking noticeable in my voice, the echoing haunting the room as it left my lips.

"That's the difference between Malfoy and me." Ron observed. "He'd leave you and I would never."

Something within me clicked, it was Ron who had left me behind. It was he who had caused this to happen in the first place. He was the reason I had been left so broken and alone, it was _his fault and his alone. _He had lied to me and betrayed my trust on more occasions than one, Draco had only ever done this once and it was to avoid me feeling this pain I now felt. It was Draco who had helped replace my fallen mask, by so doing making the largest place of the new mask him. The piece I could not live without. I would never want to live without Draco again, I had proven to myself that I could live without Ron and Harry and my parents but I would not allow myself to have to experience life without Draco. Who right from the beginning of my new life was the only constant presence, perhaps not always welcome or wanted but he was there even when I did not know it. I would not let him slip away as though he had never existed.

"Ron, you're the one who left me behind in the first place." I said running to the fireplace taking a handful of Floo Powder. "And quite frankly, I don't know who I am without him, because he means everything to me." I said throwing the powder into the flames.

"Hogwarts." I said clearly, feeling my body being thrown into the air once again, this time there was not another to steady myself and I came pouring out of Professor McGonagall's fireplace and onto the small rug.

I looked up to see Draco and Professor McGonagall staring at me in surprise, it was clear that she had been giving Draco a serving about leaving me behind, there were still tears in his eyes from when he had left.

"Draco!" I cried, running towards him and throwing myself into his arms. "I could never live without you. You didn't deserve all the terrible things that I said to you back there."

He pushed me away to look into my eyes, as though he had forgotten that there was still a teacher in the room. "You didn't deserve what he said to you."

"No, Draco." I replied. "I did and I will, but the difference is I don't care. I don't care about that. I may deserve it but I no longer care what he thinks, I've spent years caring and I've had enough. I've spent years making excuses for him and that stops now. I deserve it and always will, but it doesn't matter because I'm with you, and to me that matters above all else."

"I knew you'd come back." He whispered pulling me forward catching my open mouth in his pulling me closer to his body. "I will never leave you behind again." He whispered to me as he pulled away slowly, turning to smile at Professor McGonagall who seemed to have averted her eyes.

"I don't think I'd survive being left behind again." I replied.

"And you sure as hell don't deserve it." He said pressing his lips to mine once again.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_This is my second Reviewer Appreciation Chapter so the dedication goes to all who took the time to stop and write a review:_

_Off Dreaming (My super reviewer!), greenharper, voldyismyfather, The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much, Jasmin, Chess07, Jahzara Ashford, Vamprechaun, allyandmax, Helen3616, southernmsgal, =), kathrynjoy, Princess Colours story writer, Savage Tranquility, Malfoyfanatic4ever1210, obsessivepottercullendisorder, PyroAngel8605, Miss Bree-Tea, OrangeJuice7, Bamberrr.x, bassbrat, whatifgirl, Alexx, of-awesomeness, Misirou, The Green Serpent, UrbanXS, cookiemania789, AlleuiaElizabeth, Melora, Echo1317, Gianet, _.SeDuCtIvE, charmedchica234, hi, Recalcitrant and sick-atxxheart. 

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**Author's Note: **_And so we've made it halfway, more words than I had anticipated, more reviews, more alerts, favourites, hits and visitors than I could ever have imagined in my life. I thank you for making the challenge possible, giving me reviews that kept my sanity intact and your support which meant everything to me. It may be a few weeks before the next chapter is up, but I have not disappeared; I am merely taking a break from writing to get settled back in at school. _

_x Shadow._

_Song of the Chapter (Note that most of the themes and emotion came from this song, it's truly beautiful): _

**_Where I Stood by Missy Higgins_**


	51. When Was The Last Time You Marched Off?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty One: When Was The Last Time You Marched Off?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Cause I can't fake, and I can't hate, but it's my heart that's about to break. You're all I need, I'm on my knees. Watch me bleed, would you listen please? I give in, I breathe out. I want you, there's no doubt. I freak out. I'm left out. Without you, I'm without. I'm crossed out. I'm kicked out. I cry out. I reach out. Don't __walk__away__..."_

* * *

Christmas has passed without further incident, I had not heard anything from Ron this however did not bother me; the incident had brought many startling facts to light. Facts that perhaps I had tried to hide even from myself. Yet at the same time these did not bother me, it was as though finally hearing them escape my lips, finally saying all those dreadful truths to Ron had freed me from one of the ropes holding me back from the future. Perhaps I had been preachy and downright unpleasant to Ron, who it seemed as though placed most if not all his energy into trying to protect me, yet at the same time these efforts only seemed to create more problems. Yes, he meant well. However, there was a large difference between meaning well and actually creating something better from these intentions. More often than not it seemed as though he failed in this area, yet as much as I tried I could not hold this against him. I could not hate him for everything he had done; I could not envy his freedom. For some it would seem odd that I wished to hate him and envy him, yet these emotions would make sense in any normal situation.

Clearly this had moved beyond the realm of a normal situation and moved into the complicated world of the unknown and unpredictable. Everything about Ron seemed to be that way, as though he could never keep anything simple and it all had to be complicated and vastly overdone. His attempts at a holiday reunion had failed in what could only be described as a miserable fashion leaving me with no doubts in my mind that everything between us that sometimes seemed to exist, before flickering from existence alike a dwindling flame was over. There would never be a relationship between us now, as much as he had tried, and as much as I had held onto the possibility for the longest of times there was no denying that I had let go so long ago. I did not want to be with him in that way any longer, no the only person I wanted to be with was Draco. Ron had become nothing more than a vanished hope, a childish dream that my story would end in me living out the remainder of my days happily with Ron. How foolish those dreams were.

I slowly pulled myself to my feet, placing the long letter I had been frantically scribbling away at to Viktor aside as though it was the very last thing upon my mind. In fact, there were several matters on my mind, the very last being the contents of the letter. In just three days the students would return to the castle, in just three days I would see the extent of the holiday carnage with my very own eyes. The hopelessness I knew I would see in the eyes of those who returned, the pain I would see in the eyes of those who had lost loved ones. It was as though the world merely existed, there was no light, no happiness left. It existed solely due to the fact that people still remained and would do so until the very last person ceased to exist. We were fighting a loosing battle and the suffering was being prolonged. It was not a swift defeat, no we were slowly losing, there was barely enough people left to fight, let alone defend the castle when the Aurrors were called into full force at the scenes of one of the almost daily muggle massacres. These were routinely conducted purely for the entertainment of Death Eaters, sickening acts which I had the misfortune of reading about each morning in the Daily Prophet.

Even I had come to the conclusion that we were slowly losing, Voldemort was actually winning. It seemed as though my belief in Harry could only stretch so far without being beside him, I could not help him without knowing exactly where he was and how it was I could help him. Ron's abandonment had left me with the desire to leave the castle to aid Harry in his quest, but there was very little I could do now. It was yet another problem I had left in his capable hands. However this was more out of my control than within my control, luckily my senses had kept the better of me, it would have been a terrible lapse in judgment if I had run off. I could not imagine a more hopeless situation, for I knew he could have been on the west coast of Australia. That of course seemed to be the very last place in which Voldemort would look, it seemed highly unlikely that they would believe Harry to be in such a distant place. However I could not see how it would be possible for him to have made it such a distance without attracting the attention of the Death Eaters, he was after all unable to Apparate.

I carefully pulled my cloak over my shoulders, ready to brave the cold conditions to watch Draco participate in Quidditch, luckily being within Snape's supposed favour still had its benefits he had retained his position on the Slytherin team as a seeker but in light of his team's not-so-new-found dislike towards him he had been forced to resign. Injuries in training had nearly tripled with his presence on the team. Now that he had been reduced to practicing alone it seemed as though there was peace among the Slytherin team again. However I felt a large amount of pity for Draco who seemed to spend whatever little time he had remaining when not the presence of Ginny, Luna, Neville, Seamus, Lavender or myself entirely alone in a distant corner of the library or locked away in the Room of Requirement. He had also resorted to his night-time wanderings again, as though he could no longer sleep. I knew the current situation we found ourselves within had begun to trouble him, graduation drew ever nearer. So near in fact that there was less than six months until the day we would be sent into the world to fend for ourselves, six months until we were forced to run for our lives.

I sat outside watching Draco as he soared about the Quidditch pitch lost entirely in the moment as he soared ever higher into the clouds before launching himself at the ground. The smile on his face was infectious as though the rush of energy he felt as he pulled his broom upwards mere meters away from the ground excited him, personally I could think of nothing more frightening. My person philosophy being that one's feet were supposed to remain firmly planted upon the ground. He landed softly and begun to walk towards me, I knew that look. He was going to try and convince me to fly _again_, but part of me could not. I would never have a bone in my body that prefer the strange weightlessness that came with soaring needlessly through the air, I did not particularly enjoy any magical means of transport. Most likely due to my muggle upbringing. It seemed to the logical explanation for dislike of flying along with the fact that it was not something one could learn from the pages of a book, trust me I have tried this.

"Please try?" He asked stopping inches away from me.

I sighed, "How many times have I told you about my aversion to flying?" I asked.

"Many a time, however I believe in hard work and passion. Both of which I know you to be capable of." He said with a smile.

"Ha, ha." I replied dully. "Of course that would require me actually liking flying, and I lack that certain skill."

"Shame, I could have showed you a magical world of chaos and wonder." He replied grabbing his broom from the ground."

"Magical you say?" I asked.

"Would I lie to you?"

"No."

"Well come with me," He said taking my hand and leading me towards the topmost section of the grandstand. "Gaze upon the world before you Hermione, look at the way in which the world seems to open before the eyes of the Quidditch player, how it seems as though the world is his and his alone. He is the conqueror of the Quidditch Pitch, it is his kingdom. There before you lays a magical world of wonder and awe, one some, can only dream of flying upon. I give you the chance to see the world as no other has before you and you deny me that honour?" He asked with a look of mocked concern.

"I'm not a princess, that would be the slight problem in that plan."

"I am not a prince, this is not a fairytale. Not everything is spelt out before us in black and white, clear as day and night. Sometimes you have to look to see the world that lies beyond this one. The world of the imagination!" He cried throwing his arms into the air for added melodrama.

"Are you going to sweep me off my feet and lead me to your castle?" I asked.

"For you?" He asked. "Of course."

"Well perhaps I should reconsider this offer. Perhaps it would be wise not to meddle in affairs that are beyond my control."

"That would indeed be wise, run and grab a broom from the Room, I'll be waiting." He replied running and leaping over the edge of the barrier pulling the broom down with him. "I'll meet you on the ground!" He cried as he soared into the air as gracefully as a bird.

I quickly ran back towards the castle at the quickest pace I could manage in the cold, I reached the room where I found a large broomstick lying in the centre of the couch. I glanced at the fireplace as if by instinct, where I saw a familiar figure sat in the flames of the fire, his bright red hair contrasting quite spectacularly with the flames.

"Ron?" I asked quietly setting aside the broom I had found on the couch.

"Thank goodness Hermione. Pack your bag."

"Why?" I asked. "Where am I going?"

"Your coming with me." He said. "We've made this decision for you."

"No." I replied. "You can't force me."

"You _must _come." Ron said. "You need to change your mind."

"No Ron, it's not changing. My decision is final." I replied.

"Harry's here…" He muttered quietly. "He wants to talk to you…"

"Ron… Now's not the best time. I have to go see…"

"Draco." Harry said standing before me in the flames causing a jolt in my heart, happiness that I could see him again. "This is what it has come to?" He asked finally.

"He's changed."

"I beg to differ." Harry replied. "Clearly, we should have brought you with us now we would not be stuck in the middle of this mess. I knew it was a mistake right from the very beginning. It was like walking completely aware into a trap, a trap that has us trapped entirely now with very few options. It's not like we can expect him to join us too, that would be stretching the ties of friendship just a little too thin if you ask me."

"What about my friendship?" I asked softly. "What about me? What about what I want?"

There was silence, unnatural and awkward were the only two words that described the soundlessness that filled the room. Soundlessness enough so that I could faintly hear the echoes of the students frolicking in the fresh snowfall. Their faint cries as they were hit by the snowballs flying so precariously through the air ringing softly in my ears. I could not help but shake the sound, the sound of normality, the sound of laughter. I had not heard such an innocent sound in such a long while, it seemed as though laughter were almost a foreign concept to my ears, as though my own brain barely recognised it. I ran my hands uncomfortably through my hair, a sign that this conversation was beginning to borderline stressful. _I just wanted it to end. _Despite the happiness and joy I had felt seeing them it had vanished, replaced with anger and sadness. My _best friends _were not willing to support me, because it did not fit in with their original plan. A plan I never decided to be part of in the first place.

"We're trying to do what's right, Hermione. Let us."

I paused, the words I struggled to speak becoming lodged within my throat. "No. Because what you're trying to do isn't right. Sometimes, to do the right thing you have to follow your heart. Harry, Ron, I'm doing that. I'm following my heart and I know it hurts to hear and hurts for me to say, but it seems as though that path doesn't lead to our happy reunion as soon as I graduate. It does not lead me to running straight into hiding. It leads me to Draco. Following him, wherever and whenever he goes. I know now, it doesn't make sense to either of you, but to me, it makes all the sense in the world. Sometimes all you need to make the right choice is the right incentive, and he is that incentive for me. I can't come with you; I can't follow you when it will feel as though part of my soul has escaped through a tear in my heart. It would be like I abandoned him. I can't do that. Not after having it happen to me."

"We're sorry." Ron said, "Really."

"I know. Sorry doesn't heal the wounds that you caused though. Perhaps in time it will, but now they are too fresh to be healed with a simple apology. I still care so much about the both of you, and I want to do what is best for you and I think that my decision reflects what is best. It may seem ridiculous and insane, just like Trelawney's predictions but we just need to see how the rest of the year pans out."

"You're not coming with us?" Harry asked his voice sounding hallow.

"No." I whispered, "I'm staying with the one I love."

"Love?" Harry asked incredulously, clearly missing some of the larger picture. "Hermione you are coming with us. That is the plan."

"Plans change." I replied. "I have to go. I have to go see Professor McGonagall."

"No, that can wait. We need to sort this out; you need to come with us." Ron replied.

"No, Ron. I need to go. For once, in your life just let me." I said slowly walking away from the fire with my back turned.

"For once in my life I'm going to let you." He called, and with that I broke into a march, storming away angrily, but as quickly as I could manage carrying a broom, almost glad to be rid of him again.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Miss Mayhem. Thank you for everything, most importantly thank you for listening. _

*******

**Author's Note: **_I'm back! :D Of course three weeks passed in a blur! I could barely believe it; I was so snowed under with homework and a few side projects I barely had a moment to spare! However, the good news is I will be attempting normality again. If I fail please don't hurt me! However, in some interesting news I have actually started a new fan-fiction project, due for release on New Years Eve and I am completely and totally excited about my third Hermione/Draco story. Particularly as the story spans over six hours, six chapters and roughly 60,000 words it's proving to be something a little different and exciting and I like that! It is also my first attempt at a post-Deathly Hallows story, so fingers crossed that it's something a little bit different! I apologise that I haven't been replying to reviews as much, I will be attempting to get better at this again! So keep on reviewing! _


	52. When Was The Last Time You Winked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Two: When Was The Last Time You Winked?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Doing business without advertising is like __winking__ at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.__"_

* * *

The bitterness of the winter chill cut into me like a knife cuts through air – easily, without any force causing it to come to a grinding halt. I ran across the grounds hoping that I would find Draco underneath the large tree by the lake; however my search was to no avail. I had not seen him all day, and quite frankly, I was beginning to panic. It was as though something in my mind told me something was dreadfully wrong and there was little I could do to stop it. However, I put this down to being a mere force of habit. It seemed as though nowadays most of my life was ruled by those strange and almost impossible habits to which I kept without noticing. My habits had become so much more noticeable these days, they mostly revolved around avoiding the other students at all costs; many had come back from holidays with a strange vengeance. Almost as though the holidays had only increased their dislike of Draco and by an unfortunate extension me also.

This, however did not bother me. I could think of several situations worse than the entire student population that called Slytherin their House disliking everything about me. In fact the reason that it was for little less than mere association was almost comical to me. However, there really was nothing comical about the situation at all I had found a rather cold air to how I was treated by other's these days, as if I were contagiously diseased or worse. This did little to dampen my spirits; I doubted they could fall any further than they had already. My final conversation with Harry and Ron had left a gaping hole in my heart for a reason that was all too clear to me. I knew they would not forget the things I had said to them, or the way I had left them standing there, both hurt by my judgment and cruelty. There was nothing I could do to change what I had done; however there was no notion in my mind that I wished to take it back. No thoughts that I had done anything that had gone against my personal morals. Perhaps they too had changed greatly recently.

Late at night I would hear Lavender's muffled sobs, she had not had a pleasant holidays. In fact, she returned home to what could be described as the scene of a massacre, the dark circles beneath her eyes hung there as a constant reminder of what she had seen. It seemed as though she was anything but _fine, _she claimed that she was alright, that she was _fine. _She wasn't. I doubted anyone would be alright finding what was left of their family lying strewn across their living room, the Dark Mark hanging sinisterly above the household. I had heard people say that she was lucky to have survived – that running inside was the last thing she should have done. _What if a Death Eater remained within?_ The thought caused my stomach to turn uneasily. How close had my friend been to suffering the same fate, days? Minutes? Hours? It seemed to close to call, too disturbing to think of the possibilities. Yet despite everything, she did a good job of appearing fine of the surface, her mask almost impenetrable. Yet it fell away at night as most masks would, when no one was around to see it for themselves. In a way I could understand, yet in so many others I was glad I did not know how it felt.

Several times I had felt compelled to do something – anything to help her. Yet there was little I could say to someone in her situation. I had hugged her and offered my condolences, I had offered my help if she ever needed it. She told me she was fine. Parvarti had moved into the Room of Requirement following the holidays, she felt that it was her duty to her best friend. However after several conversations it seemed as though there was little more she could do than to be there when she was needed. In the current climate it seemed as though that was all we could do for each other when words were not enough to express how we really felt. It seemed as though there had been a rather steady increase in the numbers inhabiting the Room of Requirement, it was almost common knowledge among those in Dumbledore's Army that if Neville, Ginny, Draco or I were needed we could be found in the Room of Requirement of a night, apparently if they were searching for us a loud bell would sound as they approached the non-existent door. That way we could meet them without bringing other's inside as we had no intention of bringing many others into our sanctuary at the present time.

Sometimes, we became better at lying to ourselves than telling ourselves the truth. I should know this better than anyone else. It was almost as though you became accustomed to lying to everyone, that even lying to yourself became so much more easily than it ever should have. I had denied far too much to be able to continue in the downward spiral of lies and deceit any longer. It made me feel hollow inside lying, as though the fight with Harry and Ron had opened up a part of me I never knew existed. A part of me that needed to tell the truth, to be open and honest with the world, knowing that I would never be able to start afresh any other way. Of course, I did not feel compelled to do the right thing constantly. That would not change, a force of habit I doubted would ever leave me, the adventures I had been a part of burnt strongly into the front of my mind formed a constant presence that never truly left me.

I wandered back towards the castle in a daze, confused and concerned as to why I had yet to see him today. I had awoken earlier to find him nowhere in sight, everywhere I had looked had failed to produce any sign of him. This seemed to almost frighten me in ways I could not explain. Almost as though part of me ached for him when I was uncertain of where he was, or how far away he was from me – almost as though there was a constant fear that he would never return. I found myself at the door to the Room of Requirement quickly, as though everything had zipped by me without my notice. That seemed to be happening an awful lot these days, two weeks of classes had already passed by and it seemed as though beneath the homework and my duties as Head Girl, Draco seemed to be taking almost a back seat in my life. I wished that was not always the case, but he was almost as snowed under with the tasks in his life that there was little time between us to be spent on any form of date. There still had not been another Hogsmeade weekend. However we made do with what was available to us, although the grounds were not particularly exciting.

I had found that after several hours of practice flying seemed to present slightly less of a challenge than I had first thought. Draco, while not being as naturally gifted as Harry was an extremely good teacher. I had spent a whole hour hovering slightly above the ground three nights ago; this surprised Draco considering the ground seemed to attract my body weight. This generally resulted in my back ending up pressed against the frozen ground. Draco always smiled and helped me walk such instances off as if they never happened, however it did little to stop the large bruises that formed on my back and arms where I landed particularly nastily. Slowly I had been practicing landing and other such required aspects of broom handling, it seemed as though this practice had another motive, although the only one that came to mind was securing a method of escape if we were left with no other options. Of course it would be a rather futile effort if we were attempting to leave Hogwarts, there was very little that could be done to escape a place such as this. The sheer complexity of the warding spells and the barriers which had been placed upon the boundaries went even beyond mine and Draco's combined knowledge.

I opened the door to Draco's room slowly, peering inside to see if he was inside. It was the last palce I had thought to look after checking once. The room was dark save for several small flickering candles. I stepped inside and closed the door slowly; I shuffled forward carefully, to ensure that I did not trip on the corner of the large bed that my memory told me stood roughly near where I now stood. I heard a slight movement from the corner and suddenly the room was flooded with a bright light. The bed and all the furnishings of the room had vanished. In fact the floor had been replaced with a smooth grassy hill atop it sat a picnic rug, blue and white checkers complete with a small wicker basket. It was warm, however that came as no surprise I looked about the room however Draco was nowhere to be found. I noticed a piece of parchment sitting beneath a rock slightly ahead of me, walking forward I freed it an opened it. In Draco's elegant yet simple script it read: _I love you. _

Slightly confused, but nevertheless impressed I walked up the small hill and settled myself upon the picnic rug. Clearly Draco would appear soon, this had clearly been planned right down to the position of the note and the picnic set, clearly as it contained actual food. There were several beautifully scented candles lying scattered about the ground, they had provided the light I had seen earlier. I carefully took of my grey coat and set it aside, realising that it was far too warm for such garments. It was clearly the middle of spring in this room, the weather and the flowers that were beginning to bloom in the grass showed me that this was designed to be such a way – essentially perfect. I noticed Draco walking towards me slowly a large grin upon his face that seemed to illuminate his eyes as he walked towards me. I quickly scrambled to my feet and ran to embrace him. As I reached him I leapt into his outstretched arms and pressed my mouth to his, the warmth of his lips filling me as I did so.

"Happy three months…" He whispered in my ear.

"I completely forgot! This is such a lovely surprise!" I whispered in horror.

_How could I have forgotten such an event? _I thought to myself.

"Never mind that, I can remember for the both of us." He whispered dragging me down onto the rug.

I carefully lay against the smooth surface of the rug, Draco's body pressed lightly atop mine. He held his weight carefully above mine with ease as he kept his lips pressed gently to mine. Somehow amidst the constant kisses we had managed to end up sitting, I was sitting within his lap carefully. "I have something to give you." He said quietly when his mouth was not pressed to mine.

"What would that be?" I asked, kissing him back once again.

"It's nothing I promise." He said defensively pulling a small black box from within his jacket pocket.

"Of course it's something." I replied pressing my lips against his once again. "It has a box."

"The box is removable."

"What is it?" I asked as I carefully opened the large box which had been placed within my free hand.

"It didn't cost anything, I promise." He said defensively wrapping his arms around me.

I look down to find a piece of parchment nestled carefully within the box that for a moment I had feared contained another expensive piece of jewellery, alike the ring I wore constantly. I pulled it out carefully setting aside the box opening the parchment. Written neatly across the top was the single line: _Dear Hermione. _I looked at Draco confused, "Just wait." He whispered pressing his lips lightly to my cheek.

I watched as the letter began to slowly appear line by line until eventually the entire letter was visible:

_Dear Hermione._

_Actually, forget that. Let's start again. _

_Dearest Hermione,_

_Where can I begin to tell you just how much I love you? Certainly it is impossible to express such emotion in a form such as a letter, it seems almost cowardly. However, if you refuse to allow me to spend money on you, perhaps my time is all the more valuable. I don't wish to drag this out too long, for there is so much I have planned for you on this day, so much you have missed out on because of me. So much you will continue to miss out on in life because of my presence weighing you down. It's enough to make one fell dreadful within. So I will cut to the chase, I love you, I loved you from that moment you spoke to me, that evening all that long ago in the corridor, that night when I realised that I could never love another as much as I did you at that very moment. _

_How can I begin to describe such a love that I feel for you, how can I begin to list the ways for which every moment I think of you my heart seems to miss several beats. There is no way that words can describe how I feel, but I hope that you too feel it too, enough so to know that there is nothing I can say that will explain it, there is nothing in this world that will change it. _

_I Love You,_

_Draco._

I glanced up at him, tears in my eyes. I clasped my hands to my mouth, two tears falling gently from my eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you." He said quietly.

"It's in a good way." I replied. "There are no words to describe how I feel about you." I replied.

He pressed his lips to mine, his tongue brushing lightly across my lips. He carefully lifted me into his arms, in response I wrapped my legs around his waist supporting myself carefully. He spun me around slowly as the rain begun to fall softly, followed by snow and by a heat that warmed my skin in a way I had not felt in a long while. "We could spend the night here…" He said winking at me after several minutes of ever changing weather.

"Don't get your hopes up." I replied softly kissing him once again.

"I know. We have forever." He replied.

"Forever. What a wonderful concept." I replied.

"I'd give up everything for you." He whispered.

"You already have." I whispered pressing my lips to his neck gently. "Well mostly everything." I clarified winking at him.

"Was that a wink Miss. Granger?" He asked in a horrified yet melodramatic voice.

"I think it was." I replied pressing my lips to his once again; content to remain in this single moment for the remainder of eternity.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_He Who Hath My Heart – How you put up with all this, I'll never know, but I'll always appreciate that you do. _

*******

**Author's Note: **_Apologies for the extreme lateness of this chapter! I had three major assessment tasks due this week and three major, overall score affecting tests. To say this week has been hectic is an understatement! However I absolutely love the random way in which these topics make me smile, almost like something inside me just loves the quirky "times" like these. I hope to have the next chapter up as usual, but I can't guarantee that or the next weeks. I'd like to give a massive thanks to everyone who reviewed and favourited last week! My emails were crazy! Keep up the good work! I'd also like to point out that this weeks quote is simply one that I found online, it made me laugh mainly due to the fact that it reminds me of a situation I have been in._


	53. When Was The Last Time You Punished?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Three: When Was The Last Time You Punished?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Men are not punished for their sins, but by them."_

* * *

These days, I spent a rather large amount of time staring out into the distance from the window of my bedroom. I often wondered, not only about Harry and Ron but about everyone else in the world. How this war was affecting them, often my thoughts concerned Luna. _Where was she? How was she? Was she even still alive? _I could not help but think of the world in a general context, how did everyone else cope with so much darkness, with so little hope? It seemed so easy to sit and stare upon the world from my sanctuary, safe within the castle in a room impenetrable from forces I did not wish to be found by. It seemed so easy to question life itself when I was one of the lucky few with such protection. It was difficult to remember that you were some of the very few who were so privileged, not many would be able to effectively protect themselves against the forces gathering against them. Yet, at times I wondered why I even bothered to prolong it. Why I could sit and look upon the world knowing that I could not evade capture for eternity.

I would either be caught, or spend the remainder of my time upon this earth of the run if Harry and Ron were unsuccessful. Neither were particularly pleasant thoughts, and to me, it seemed as though both in were in their own individual ways forms of imprisonment. _Did I wish to spend the remainder of my life cowering in fear? Did I even wish to hide any longer? _There were the possibilities I could consider and the possibilities which I could not. The problem was sorting those which I considered more closely from those which I would never consider. It seemed as though my life was a maze, and it consisted entirely of forked roads, each leading along a different path in an entirely different direction from the other. _How did one make the choice upon which road to take? Was it more simple than I made it seem? _I drew my knees closely to my chest, hugging them within my arms for warmth as I glanced down upon the lake, its dark surface undisturbed, completely smooth.

Life in the outside world seemed so much easier, so much more simplistic than life locked within the castle and its stone walls. Almost as though they too, were beginning to become a prison all of their own. The bitter chill in the air had vanished, replaced by the earlier spring warmth I was so accustomed to. However it was not as I remembered it, it too had a bitterness to it that I could not remember ever feeling, as though it too were tainted by the darkness in our world. It seemed as though slowly piece by piece the world around me continued to crumble, and part of me knew it would not be long before the resistance crumbled completely, too overwhelmed by those whom they were fighting against to be able to stand against them any longer. Part of me yearned for the war to end one night while I slept, so that I may wake up to a peaceful world, which may never be the same but nevertheless peaceful. _Was it too much to ask for? Too much to want? Was it unrealistic to wish for peace? _I sighed to myself as these thoughts passed through my mind, was I being selfish in wishing for these things, these mere dreams, that perhaps I would feel the warmth of the sun once again before I died?

I glanced upon the floor of my bedroom, littered with parchment, quills and an assortment of clothing I had not found the time to sort through yet. I carefully pried my body from the windowsill and began to pick up the pieces which were scattered across my floor. I came across several of the letters I had received from Ron in the past two weeks, both of which remained sealed and unopened. I still had not found the will nor the desire to open them. I found my eyes glancing upon their unopened surfaces, the wax seals glaring at me from my place upon the windowsill. I rarely found myself wondering what was actually contained within them. What they would reveal if I opened them. For a brief moment I considered giving them to Ginny, perhaps the letter clearly addressed to me by Harry would have been better in her possession. But these letters I could tell, where not for her eyes, they were for mine and I knew that they would do no good within her hands, in fact it was more likely to harm her. I could still remember her collapsing at the foot of the stairs to the castle, so overwhelmed by her fears that she could not remain conscious. I had my doubts about how she continued to cope, there were times where not everyone seemed able to cope, however she remained strong. I did not wish to disturb this; well that is what I told myself anyway.

I told myself many things days, and as much as I tried to be truthful there were always the thoughts that slipped through. I told myself that I did not wish to disturb the peace, however this was more associated with the fact that I did not wish to part with the letters. Part of me, however, selfishly did not wish to give away these items I had been given. However much I wished to be angry at them for even contemplating writing to me, I felt something within me that yearned to hear from my friends, something that yearned for the past to return. Something, that I could not describe, something that only wanted to fall asleep and awake in the past in my dorm room, Lavender and Parvarti sleeping soundly, the sounds of their snores seeming as though they were surrounding me. Part of me wanted to awake in the past free of the knowledge of magic, only the thought of having to be the school freak once again standing before me. At times I could not believe that I wished these things, but I did and I could not help it. I doubted that a single person in my situation would not wish for such things.

There was a knock at my door, "Hermione?" Draco's voice called softly through the opening door.

I glanced up from the unopened letters, allowing them to fall from my hands and onto the floor once again. "Yes." I replied.

"The plans for the ball have been approved." He whispered walking inside. "I just received an owl informing me of the date. I have my doubts that Snape is within the castle at the present time."

"I don't think he spends any time within the castle these days." I whispered. "I'd be willing to bet anything that his office is covered in dust again, the cobwebs extending further across the bookshelves than the last time we were within that office. You know, I believe the only times at which he is present nowadays is when he has to meet with us or the Board of Governors. They're the only two times that his absence would be noticed." I paused, carefully pushing the letters underneath my bed. "When is the ball to be held?" I asked.

"In exactly four weeks." He replied. "What is all this?" He asked gesturing at the mess upon the floor.

"It's an array of items that I merely have not had the time to put away or found homes for yet." I replied noticing another letter at Draco's feet, I could not tear my eyes away from the place in which it lay, it seemed to signal like a bright beacon to my eyes, almost as though it were alight at his feet his eyes fell upon it.

"Hermione, when did you receive this?" He asked gathering it within his hands. "Is that Ron's writing?" He asked noticing the familiar scrawl upon the envelope, one he would easily recognise from the previous letters which I had received.

"It is, I haven't opened it. I haven't opened any of them. I've been receiving them for over a week. I just don't know whether I wish to open them." I said grabbing them and placing them in a neat pile upon my desk, as though I preferred just to look at them rather than open them.

"Open them." Draco said softly passing the letter within his hands to me. "They might be important."

"What if they aren't?" I replied. "What their just pointless, what if I don't deserve to read them? What if these letters are forgiveness? I'm no longer worthy of that. It is my fault, I had the option to follow them and I rejected it. I was rude and selfish, I don't deserve their forgiveness, I don't even want to open the letters for fear of it. I don't wish to be forgiven for what I have done."

"Why do you continue to punish yourself?" He asked placing his arms around my waist from behind. "Why?"

"Because, I feel as though I must for without the desire to punish another for my actions I am open to the truth and the truth is the only thing that can set me free of this guilt. I have to accept the fact that I caused this. That is _my _fault and _my _fault alone. I need time to think about this, what I'm going to do – if I decide to do _anything _at all."

"That's ridiculous." He replied. "You _have _to open them. What if something has happened? What if it is important and you _need _to speak with them. Don't pretend, I've noticed that you don't go past any fireplaces anymore; I've noticed you spend your entire time locked away in your room or mine for that matter. I'm not sure if you've noticed but there is not a fireplace within _either _of those rooms. You avoid the Gryffindor common room like it's the plague and you would never guess that you were actually _avoiding _something."

"I just can't now. Alright?" I said breaking his arms open and walking to the door. "Please, I just need to forget it for just a while."

"That's only going to make it more difficult." He replied.

"I know, but for once, once in my life I just want everything to work out right and as hard as I try it still doesn't and it seems as though the only way which I can even stand to look at myself in the mirror these days is if I accept that this is my fault."

"You can't continue to punish yourself for eternity."

"I'll know when to stop." I replied grabbing my cloak. "Come on we have go on patrol now."

"Really?" He asked snapping to life suddenly.

The loud bells rang across the grounds as darkness fell completely. "Exactly time."

"Perhaps you will have the chance to punish some others for their crimes while you wage war against the wrongdoers of society." Draco said laughing.

"This isn't a joke." I replied taking the topmost letter in my hand and ripping it in two throwing the pieces at his feet.

"What did you do that for?" He asked, looking rather torn, confronted with two options – To scream at me for doing what I had, or to stop me from tearing the other letters in two also. He bent over and picked up the pieces I had thrown at his feet reading the piece in his hand, quickly he snatched the other piece from the ground and in a grave voice he said "Hermione, you better open those other letters they're in trouble." And for the first time, the realisation of my true guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My minion, who at times endures quite a large amount of insanity; however there really is no other I can be so insane with without fear of judgment! Thanks for all the fun times._

*******

**Author's Note: **_My luck is horrific! Just as I was about to hit submit on this chapter our power went out and took out my modem! So I apologise for the delay – _again. _It's getting rather tiresome I know, however I will make a conserved effort to avoid black cats and ladders this week! That's what I'd like to put my luck down to. I cannot believe the response to this story so thanks again for all the love!_

_Song: __**Hey, Soul Sister – Train.**_


	54. When Was The Last Time You Were Excited?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Four: When Was The Last Time You Were Excited?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Get __excited__ and enthusiastic about you own dream. This excitement is like a forest fire - you can smell it, taste it, and see it from a mile away."_

* * *

My throat dried, the tears welled up within my eyes, I sunk to my knees. None of these actions voluntary I can assure you. It felt as though the world had shifted beneath my feet, rendering me incapable of holding my own weight any longer causing my balance to be thrown, as well as my already slipping composure. I felt my hand grab one of the letters still sealed within its envelope and ripped it open two small pieces of paper falling to the ground at my knees. I snatched the pieces up my eyes falling open the contents, the concern growing deeply within me. I fought the tears back, I would cry, I could not. I had shed enough tears to last an entire lifetime, I would not succumb to my emotions this times. My eyes scanned the letters; they contained few words, simply an apology and a request that I meet them in the Forest of Dean as soon as possible.

I quickly grabbed another letter ripping it open, and then another until finally I had no others to open. The letters left me feeling emotionally drained, apathetic. It was almost as though I felt that I had lost the ability to feel anything, I could barely sense Draco's presence, my fear and worry drowning out all other emotions and senses. The world could have ended and I would not have noticed, I could have aged one hundred years and I would not have noticed. It was as though just a simple sentence had changed everything, that anger and resentment within me vanishing, replaced by concern, fear and love – love for my best friends. The love I had always felt for them as what could almost be described as the love I felt for the only brothers I had ever known. I concluded that something had gone terribly wrong, the Horcruxes were not as they appeared and they were becoming increasingly difficult to keep, they had to be worn; there was nowhere else to put them; however this left them vulnerable to their power.

They needed help to destroy it, and they needed the help now or else as Harry had pointed out, the result would be less than pleasant. Already he had noticed Ron slipping beneath the waves of anger and resentment that even Harry had felt while wearing the wretched objects. I clambered to my feet, numbly and grabbed my book bag emptying it upon my bed and pulling several handfuls of clothes from within my cupboard. I searched frantically for my wand which lay on my desk closely followed by the toiletries bag which appeared upon the corner of my bed suddenly. I threw it all into my bag, not knowing what exactly I had packed or how long I would be gone, only knowing that I would be leaving at this very moment. I looked up at Draco who was still standing exactly as he was minutes ago in the doorway. He looked at me, the look in his eyes showing that he knew he could not follow me this time no matter how much he wanted to.

I grabbed the bag and slung it over my shoulder a sensation of excitement, fear and worry rising within me as I walked towards the door. He outstretched his arms and enclosed me lovingly within his warm grasp; the emotion from him was almost infectious. I could almost feel his worry and anger that he could not follow me, that he could not be there to protect me this time. I pressed my lips to his, sweetly, leaving me longing for more as I pulled away. His eyes still closed and his breathing shallow, as though he was fighting against his better judgment to keep me here. I was fighting my better judgment also; however my better judgment told me that I should be going and not staying, the complete opposite. Almost as though Draco and I while being the opposites of each other's personalities we could work together, as though the light within me brightened the darkness within him. Fire and ice working in perfect harmony together no matter how contradictory that seemed.

"I'm sorry I have to leave like this." I whispered.

His voice was soft, gentle almost as he hugged me tightly his breath upon my neck. "I'm sorry I can't go with you."

"I have to do this alone," I said. "only I can fix this."

"I know." He replied. "Come back soon."

"I'll be back before you know it. If I'm gone more than three days alert McGonagall. Other than that, do not tell another soul where I am or why I've left more importantly. I love you, remember that. I love you and only you."

"I know. I love you." He whispered pressing his lips to my forehead allowing me to step towards the fireplace in the shared living room.

I saw a small container sitting upon the mantelpiece above the large fireplace. I quickly walked up to it grasping the container in my hand, the sudden realisation that I could not use the Floo Network to appear in the middle of a forest. I quickly pocketed the container looking around, before noticing the painting above the fireplace; it was large, contained within a beautiful golden frame. It had always contained an empty hallway, however now a young blue eyed girl wearing a white dress was smiling pleasantly at me, her hand outstretched. I carefully grasped the smooth, cool edge of the frame and pulled it forwards, as though I knew what to do by instinct. The portrait peeled away from the wall hinged against the stone revealing a large and open passageway. I glanced back at the girl upon the front; she was waving at me in a fashion that seemed to suggest that she wished for me to follow her. I looked back at Draco who shook his head viciously at me.

"What are you doing?" He cried. "Don't go in there who knows where it'll lead or who will be at the opposite end?"

"I have a good feeling about this." I replied throwing my bag into the tunnel first. "I think it's going to lead me to somewhere I can Apparate from."

"Are you barking mad?" He asked grabbing my hand. "Hermione, listen to yourself. You're climbing into a tunnel, you don't know where it leads, who will be waiting at the opposite end, or more importantly whether they mean you harm. Consider another option."

"Would it be somewhat lame of me to repeat what I just said?" I asked. "I have a good feeling about this." I whispered wrenching my hand from his grasp and clambering into the tunnel with little effort required. As I looked back I saw the look of shock on Draco's face as the portrait swung shut, leaving me completely enveloped within the darkness.

I took a shallow breath, the air full of dust causing me to cough and splutter. I could not hear a sound aside from my breathing. I crawled along the ground quickly groping in the darkness for my bag. I found it several metres from the entrance. I quickly slug it over my shoulder grabbing my wand and causing a bright beam of light to suddenly burst to life within the tunnel, blinding me for several seconds. Once the initial shock of the sudden amount of light had vanished I looked around, the tunnel really was not as small as it had seemed, in fact, it led sharply downwards but was of a height that allowed me to walk. I stood up brushing the dust quickly off my clothes, not that it would matter, it seemed as though everything about the tunnel screamed that it had never been used, or only several times. I doubted that even Fred and George had found this tunnel; it would have not been on the map, the Room of Requirement protecting it.

I walked onwards for what seemed like an unnecessary amount of time, the tunnel curving, shifting in width and height and rising and dropping almost unexpectedly. I finally noticed a light far off into the distance. It seemed odd that the tunnel would end in an open area that would make it easy for anyone to simply find it and gain entry to the castle. As I approached the light I realised that it was simply another portrait of the young girl. However this time she was facing the opposite way, he arm outstretched as though she was pushing something I could not see away from her. I placed a hand upon the canvas feeling it shift beneath the simple weight of my hand. I applied a little more pressure and found the entire canvas shifting entirely causing me to spill from behind yet another hinged portrait and into the most unlikely place of all – The Hogs Head.

I stood, wincing in pain as I did so. I had fallen a good couple of meters from above the fireplace and onto the dusty, stone floor beneath. I glanced up; the usual barman was standing with his mouth agape, dirty rag and glass in hand. It was at that moment that I noticed something; he shared the same familiar blue eyes as the young girl in the painting. I swallowed as he dropped the glass he was holding, causing it to shatter into hundreds of pieces upon the ground. I gasped throwing a hand to my mouth to stifle the sound.

"How did you find the passageway?" He asked suddenly, stuttering slightly. "No student has ever… No student knows…"

"I found it entirely by accident. I can assure you. I don't mean any harm." I replied quickly.

"I know you don't Miss Granger."

"How do you…" I begun before being cut off.

"Know your name?" He asked pulling his wand from within his jacket and cleaning up the mess at his feet. "The entire bloody wizarding world knows _your _name. You're spoken about quite a lot here, you've managed to evade capture surprisingly well, and the fact that the golden trio is no longer a trio interests many. It's skyrocketed your name right up there with Mr. Potter's."

"That's not possible…" I replied. "I haven't done anything that interests anyone."

"Do you know how many people the Ministry has caught all of which are in your situation? How many of those have been underage? How many are still at large?"

"Many?" I replied.

"The number is less than ten." He replied quickly. "I suggest you leave soon, you may be seen by some unfriendly faces if you choose to remain here any longer."

I swallowed before plucking up the courage to ask a simple question, his statement throwing my nerves entirely. "May I Apparate from within this building?" I asked.

"If you leave now you may. I don't want to be at the receiving end of the Death Eater's anger if you're caught in here. Go. Shoo!" He said moving his hands in a sweeping motion the last mental image I had as I closed my eyes spinning on spot, before reopening my eyes glancing upon the familiar surrounds of The Forest of Dean.

I glanced around, almost as though I was expecting to see Harry or Ron sitting upon one of the ugly couches that tent contained in the middle of the large open space. I took a double look at each corner of the space; there was nothing that indicated that there was another living soul present in this place, the cool wind washing over me as I looked even more desperately for any sign of Harry or Ron. Finally I opened my mouth, in a last resort and screamed as loudly as I could: "Ron!" Before drawing in another deep breath and screaming so loudly that the echo rebounded upon the nearby trees: "Harry!"

And as the birds soared from within the trees, higher and higher into the sky I felt even more alone in this place. The excitement that had risen within my chest at the possibility of seeing them again vanished. There was no reply, there was only silence.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Him, you taught me what it feels like to have a broken heart, but you also at the same time you built me back up again, excited for the chance to love again. _

*******

**Author's Note: **_I've been experiencing problems with my account all week, however that does not by any means make up for my slackness. It's holidays here so I'll be trying to get up to Chapter Sixty in the next couple of weeks! The quote is rather special, it was placed inside a book I was given, and it inspires me each and every time I open the cover._

_Song: __**The Only Exception – Paramore.**_


	55. When Was The Last Time You Were Teased?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Five: When Was The Last Time You Were Teased?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_You know how easily and suddenly these things happen, beginning in playful __teasing__ and ending in something a little warmer than friendship. You squeeze the slender arm which is passed through yours, you venture to take the little gloved hand, you say good night at absurd length in the shadow of the door. It is innocent and very interesting; __love__ trying his wings in a first little flutter."_

* * *

I felt a lump rise within my throat, almost as though something was constricting my airway. I clutched my bag tightly to my chest almost as though I feared losing it, however there was nothing of great value within it, the only two valuable items I had were my wand and the ring which Draco had given to me. I stood there helplessly contemplating my situation. I was without food, water or shelter. I was standing alone, in the centre of a large clearing. The little voice in the back of my mind told me that this wasn't right, that there was something strange and unsettling about the eerie coldness that enveloped the campsite. From the corner of my eye I saw a flash of white light which vanished as quickly as it had first appeared. I closed my eyes and began to turn slowly on the spot, ready to Apparate if need be, however I felt a force slam against my body causing me to topple onto my back with a tall figure atop me. I could not see anyone, I could hear them swearing violently under their breath as they pulled themselves to their feet.

Within the blink of an eye I had pulled my wand from within my pocket and had it facing the place which I assumed the person who had punished me over was standing. "Who's there?" I asked sharply, careful to show no fear. "Reveal yourself or you shall regret it."

"Don't point that thing at me!" I heard a familiar voice cry as he pulled the invisibility cloak from over his face revealing a bright read head of hair, his face covered in familiar freckles. "I don't need another injury."

"Ron?" I asked quickly, not lowering my wand at all, if anything I held it just as steadily in my hand. "What were you doing?"

"Well I couldn't just let you leave. But we couldn't take any of the defensive spells away. Mind you, you did deserve a good scaring after the way you treated us." He noted a distinct note of pride within his voice.

"If that's how your going to treat me I may as well go back to the castle, it is safer, warmer and not to mention vastly more interesting than random gibber jabber in the middle of a clearing." I said proudly.

"Oh, yes, is darling Draco waiting for you?" Ron sneered.

"Yes, he is." I replied. "Now, if you don't mind take me to Harry so I can sort this mess out."

As he turned around I placed my wand against the nape of his neck. "Never turn your back on a potential enemy. What if I were a Death Eater masquerading as Hermione Granger? Would you know? Would you be able to tell?" I asked. "What did Professor Moody tell us constantly in our Fourth Year during his Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons?" I asked.

"Constant Vigilance." Ron replied standing a little straighter. "Can you stop poking that into the back of my neck?"

"Sure." I said lowering my wand as I picked up my bag before following Ron towards the far corner of the campsite, which still to me seemed empty enough. As he walked he muttered under his breath viciously, the only words I made out were: '_Can't she take a joke? I was only teasing her.' _I for one was not feeling overly welcome after that slight incident. There was nothing that implied that Harry or Ron was staying there, no smoke from the chimney of the tent, no traces of magical activity at all.

"We're camping right here." Ron said gruffly pointing to a place between two trees that looked completely empty. As I walked a little closer I could sense the magic they had used to conceal their hiding place, the wards that kept unwanted attention away from this place, the wards that ensured the muggles who ran the campsite would never come close to seeing this place. I looked up at Ron who was standing looking at me as though he thought it was odd that I could not see something that was clearly right before his very eyes. "Are you coming in?" He asked.

"I can't see it." I replied.

He walked forward grabbing my left wrist and dragging me towards the space quickly, I still could not see what I assumed was the tent, however I had a feeling that the entrance was right before my very eyes and I still had managed to miss it. The second I stepped over the threshold my surroundings changed. The pale yellow walls of the old tent swam to life around me, the old musty furniture appearing out of thin air. Harry was sitting at the large table in the dinning room pouring over what seemed to be a map. I smiled at him as I walked inside, however I stopped Ron still had a hold of my left arm and was standing completely still behind me.

"Let me go." I hissed.

"Since when have you been engaged?" He asked looking simply outraged.

"Since none of your business." I replied snappily.

"Engaged?" Harry asked standing.

"Engaged." Ron replied his tone incredulous.

"You don't understand, you have it all wrong. As usual." I added in without thinking.

"Each time I see you I think to myself over and over again that leaving you behind was the biggest mistake I ever made. We leave you for what seven months and in that time you make _friends_ with Draco Malfoy. Sure, that's alright on a deeply disturbing level. The next thing we hear, you _dating_ him. That's _not _alright. The next thing we know, you're _engaged_ to him, and that is possibly the worst case scenario I could have ever thought of. Merlin, I would have preferred you... Have you lost your marbles?" Ron cried letting go of my hand, cutting off his own sentence.

"You have preferred me what?" I asked. "Dead? Injured? Captured? Tortured? What would you have preferred Ron?" I cried.

"I would have preferred you end up with me!" He cried grabbing his mouth as though the words had poured from his mouth without any prior warning.

"This? Again?" I asked. "The time for that has long come and long past and your still complaining about it and trying to destroy everything I built in your absence. Perhaps if you stopped being a typical boy you may have stopped jumping to conclusions for long enough for me to tell you I am not engaged."

"You're not?" Ron asked, his voice softening in relief.

"No." I replied. "I'm not. If you had of waited just a minute longer perhaps you would not have jumped to such a ridiculous conclusion. I know it seems that way, but it's more of a declaration of his love and to me that means more than a simple engagement ring."

"That rings worth more than everything my family owns." Ron noted.

"It's worth more to me than mere money. It's the value of the gesture itself. It was his grandmother's ring. He gave it to me, to me Ron. If you can't understand how much that means to me then need a reality check. Did you think I would get engaged to him to avoid trouble? To make my life easier? No, if he asked me to marry him right now, at this very second I'd say yes. Because I love him. That clearly means nothing but an absolute confirmation of my lost sanity. Just be prepared because one day you might have to face up to the fact that I love him." I said before turning to Harry. "I hear you're having Horcrux troubles?"

"That's the understatement of the century." Harry mumbled, clearly pretending not to have overheard anything.

"I haven't got long. I have about three days to sort this out or else someone's going to notice that I'm not actually ill. There's only so long D… He's going to be able to cover for me without Ginny, Neville, Lavender, Parvarti or realistically anyone noticing." I said careful to avoid saying Draco's name in the hope that I could avoid another outburst.

"It depends how long it's going to take for us to obtain the Sword of Gryffindor." Harry replied truthfully, looking up at me.

"That's going to be slightly problematic." I replied.

"I know. That's why we need you help." Ron replied grabbing the small beaded bag from a coffee table near his left leg. "We have the portrait of Phineas Nigellus he's been able to tell us a little about the Sword and it seems as though it really can destroy Horcruxes, Dumbledore used it himself to destroy the ring. We also know that Snape is rarely in his office and you've been called there for a number of meetings regarding an upcoming ball? Would you mind elaborating upon this?" Ron asked taking a seat pulling the portrait from within the bag. "We took this from Grimmauld Place."

"He can see where you are." I noted immediately realising that nothing stood between the portrait and Snape. "You have to cover his eyes. He can't be allowed to see anything!" I cried. "He could be used to relay your surroundings to Snape."

"Calm down Hermione, it's not like from a description of what he saw Snape's going to figure out we're hiding in the Forest of Dean." Ron said laughing.

"That's another thing. Don't mention your location in the presence of the portrait." I replied covering the eyes of the portrait with a black blindfold using my wand. "He's loyal to Snape, you need to be careful."

"We'll take that into consideration." Ron said casting the portrait aside carelessly.

"We need you to get that Sword. It's the only thing that we can think of that will destroy the Horcruxes."

"There are other ways." I whispered. "I'm not willing to try them. They're all so dangerous. But what if we could obtain basilisk venom? I know it's going to be expensive and difficult to obtain but what if, just maybe we could get our hands on it to destroy these Horcruxes?" I asked. "I know it's just a quick resolution but what if we could destroy these two and have them out of the way."

"It's not going to work out long term though. We can't carry it, it's just too dangerous." Harry noted. "It torn right through my skin."

"I know. _But_, and this is a large variable, if we could obtain it we could destroy the Horcruxes. That of course is the ultimate goal."

"She is right." Ron replied. "She needs to get back as quickly as possible."

"And to think not even three days you were considering forcing her to stay." Harry piped up.

I simply glared at Ron before outstretching my hand. "Give it to me." I said. "I'll wear it for now, I have not had to wear it yet, I doubt it can affect me so quickly."

"No." Ron replied grabbing the locket around his neck and clutching it tightly. "You're not having it."

"Ron, give it to her." Harry replied tiredly. "The time for this childish behaviour is long past. We have to do what's best."

"How can anything be for the best?" Ron cried. "We're in the middle of The Forest of Dean? We're not at Hogwarts, we are hiding Harry. Hiding! That's not a good thing!" From the corner of my eye I could swear I saw a movement in the portrait that he had earlier cast aside.

Harry looked at me desperately as if to say this is how he always became when it came down to removing the Horcrux. I walked over to him and wrenched it from his grasp, the chain clasp opening and falling into my hands. "We could have avoided that." I said calmly reclasping the chain around my own neck, I could feel the weight of the object bearing down upon me, almost as though it weighed more than an object of its size should.

"It's getting dark." Harry noted. "We need to get food."

"You don't have any do you?" Ron asked, clearly thinking longingly of the magnificent Hogwarts feasts.

"No sorry, leaving last minute did not enable me to steal large quantities of food from the Great Hall, Ronald." I replied sitting down. "How about I go find something and we can sort this out now and be done with it?"

"Sounds like a plan." Harry replied. "I'll um, come with you." He said hastily grabbing his coat from atop one of the couches.

"Okay." I replied placing my bag upon the floor and following him from within the tent.

I followed him into the forest in silence, only the sound of our feet crunching against the leaf matter upon the ground to be heard. Harry was the first to break the silence. "He's downright unpleasant isn't he?" He asked.

"I'm sorry to tell you, but yes, he is." I replied. "I mean, perhaps he used to be slightly obnoxious at times, but now he's just unpleasant to be around entirely. Do you think it's the Horcrux?" I asked.

There was a soft crunching from ahead of us, slightly to the left. "Did you hear that?" Harry asked softly.

All I could do is nod in reply as the soft white glowing appeared for the first time in the distance. "What do you think it is?" He asked.

I focused for a moment before replying the strange glowing figure becoming more clear as it came closer to us. At first I thought it was a trick, but I realised my eyes were not deceiving me. "It's a _doe_…" I replied.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Dreaded Fate – For being my second super reviewer._

*******

**Author's Note: **_The support I've received in the past few weeks has been phenomenal! More than fifty reviews in a week! I almost cried of excitement and probably will if we reach 200! In other news, big things are happening in the last chapter, Part Three is almost complete at 6,000 words. I'm also looking at having someone do a trailer because the other one was deleted so I'll keep you posted on the progress of that. The end is drawing so much nearer and a lot is about to start happening. So keep up the reviews! _

_Songs of the Chapter:  
_**The Bird and the Worm – The Used.  
****Diary of Jane – Breaking Benjamin. **


	56. When Was The Last Time You Relied?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Six: When Was The Last Time You Relied?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Cause I __rely__ on my illusions, to keep me warm at night. I've denied in my capacity to __love__, and I am willing to give up this fight__"_

* * *

I could not believe my eyes; at first I thought to myself that surely I was being deceived, that there was no possible way in which I could have been seeing a ghostly, silver doe. A patronus to boot. Clearly the owner was around here somewhere, lurking out of sight; they would have to be to produce the patronus. My muscles tensed, purely out of reflex, as though my senses had become finely tuned to foreboding danger. I stopped moving, allowing my senses to take in the surroundings; I could not hear the presence of another other than Harry whose breathing was loud, disturbing any chance I would have of locating the other person through sound. Harry tensed also; turning to me he outstretched a hand.

"Hermione give me the Horcrux." He hissed.

Wordlessly, without thinking I unclasped it and handed it to him, trusting his judgement impeccably. We stood there in silence watching the motionless doe, almost holding our breaths anticipating its movement to prove that it was real – that it existed. That this was not a dream or hallucination. Clearly, Harry could take the suspense any longer, I watched as Harry advanced towards the doe, slowly and carefully so not to scare it almost. As he became within meters of where it stood it moved for the first time. Looking up from its position upon the ground and begun to move further away breaking into a fast paced gallop, sprinting off into the trees. Harry too picked up his pace, sprinting into the darkness after it.

"Harry!" I screamed breathlessly as I took broke into a sprint, running as quickly as I could through the unfamiliar territory in the direction in which Harry and the doe had disappeared. "Harry! Come back!" I screamed as I ran, brushing away the overhanging branches with my arm.

As I ran further and further into the unfamiliar forest the terrain became more rugged, it seemed as though the further I ran the more I wanted to turn back. After several minutes of running in the same general direction I stopped, unsure of where they had disappeared to. I bent over, trying to regain my breath; I could feel nothing but the erratic beating of my heart, beating so fast I doubted that it could beat any faster without stopping entirely. I stood up again, glancing towards the sky, there was nothing, no stars, no moon, no sun, nothing at all to be seen as the clouds enveloped the remain slivers of light leaving me to deal with the impending darkness – _alone_. I grabbed my wand from within my pocket holding it carefully in my hand as I turned around cautiously. In my haste I tripped backwards on a tree root which sent me sprawling onto the ground. As I fell it felt as though another forced slammed into me from the side sending me meters from the place I would have landed, the force send my wand flying from my hand.

I realised very quickly that I was now wandless, lost and alone. It was not the most ideal of situations to find yourself in when your head is being hunted. Scrambling to my feet quickly I ran back to the place I dropped it. I glanced around quickly before picking it up; unsure of what had hit me with such great force that I was sent meters from where I had fallen. I glanced over the large tree root in which I had tripped. On the other side was a large deep opening in the ground, I noticed a familiar light appear within its depths, something or _someone _had stoped me from falling into a trap. But the question was _what_ had saved me? If not _who_? I noticed a several wisps of smoke rising from within the cavern and decided it best to move away from this place. I was _quite _aware of what lurked beneath the surface now. As I turned I heard a strangled cry piercing the night, almost as though someone was attempting to scream.

"Harry!" I shrieked, my cries too piercing the night. "_Harry!"_

I realised that if it were Harry his only chance may be for me to follow the direction in which I heard the voice. However, I could no longer tell in which direction that was. I scanned the surroundings quickly, I knew that he was no longer behind me, he had well and truly past me and I doubted he would have doubled back. I saw the same silvery white light off into the distance, it was moving back in the same direction in which it had led Harry. However this time, it was not alone either. There was another running blinding after it, trusting it entirely. I sprinted after them both, knowing that this may be my only chance to find Harry, not caring who the other figure was that was also following the doe. I eventually caught up to the other figure running alongside them, not caring who they were nor caring to share any form of exchange.

The doe stopped in a clearing, the other figure and I stopped breathlessly at the opening, glancing upon a large pond that sat in the middle, noticing a small pile of clothes we both simultaneously realised that Harry was within the lake.

"_Harry!"_ We screamed in unison, turning to face one another for the first time, the other figure was Ron.

Clearly there was no time for questions, Ron ran headfirst towards the lake diving in after Harry. I ran to the pile of clothes, the Horcrux was _gone_. He was either still wearing it or someone had taken it. I waded up to my knees in the freezing water, it felt as though it should have been frozen over yet it was not. I waded further into the water, aware that the water was seeping through my clothes and shoes. Ron and Harry had been under too long for my liking. I looked downwards but could see nothing but a ghostly silvery glow beneath the reeds which swamped the small pond. The doe had disappeared entirely leaving all three of us completely alone. I walked forwards, tripping down the deep drop in the floor of the pond, causing me to drop under the cold water. I hit the surface gasping for air, my arms flapping wildly as I was engulfed in the cold water once again. I heard a loud breath as the surface of the pond was broken once again to my right, Ron had emerged from the depths Harry's limp figure in his arms carrying the Sword of Gryffindor.

I swam towards them grabbing Harry to help Ron drag him back to the edge of the pond. After dragging Harry across the ground meters from the waters edge I realised that the locket was enclosed around his throat. I ripped it off taking several layers of skin with it. _What was the meaning of that? _I thought casting the locket aside. Ron was kneeling beside Harry, having cast the sword aside. We both watched helplessly as slowly the colour returned to Harry's face, his breathing beginning again with a startling gulp and splutter. He was wearing nothing but his underwear, his skin looking a faint blue colour. I too was shivering from the chill of the water. _'Accio cloak' _I thought outstretching a hand to find it flying into my grasp. I quickly lay it across him in an attempt to stop his shivering fearing that he may get hypothermia. Ron was spluttering on the other side of Harry, he too was shivering, however he was also struggling to regain his breathe.

His first words were: "What the bloody hell were you doing diving in there with this on?"

There was silence; clearly we had all been thinking it at some point.

"Can't you see that the things evil? It's unnatural."

"I know." Harry choked before coughing up a mouthful of water. "I couldn't leave it though."

"That was stupid." I chided. "You know it's immensely powerful, just think about what it could have done if Ron didn't realise you were here."

"Yeah, mate, good idea casting a patronus." Ron replied as Harry sat up.

"I didn't cast a patronus, Ron. My patronus is a stag."

"What?" Ron asked. "Hermione?" He asked turning to look at me.

"It's not mine." I replied.

We all sat in silence, realising that someone knew we were in trouble and saved us. But at the same time someone knew exactly where we were. However, they could not be entirely against us, they left us the most powerful weapon in which we could have been given in fighting the Horcruxes, a means of destroying them. I glanced down at the locket and the sword. My eyes fell upon Ron, he had to destroy it. Something within me told me that it had to be Ron to destroy this one. Harry seemed to be thinking a thought along the same lines.

"Ron will you do the honours?" I asked passing the locket to him.

"Harry should." Ron protested.

"No, Ron, you have to destroy it. You saved my life and got the sword out of the pond. It has to be you."

"How?" Ron asked, his hand enclosing around the hilt of the sword.

"I'm going to open it and you have to stab it with the sword." Harry replied sitting up.

"How?" Ron asked.

"Parseltongue." Harry replied instantly. "I'm going to open it using Parseltongue."

"Don't!" Ron cried backing away. "Don't open it!"

"Why?" Harry and I asked immediately.

"Because that thing isn't good. It makes me think… Terrible things! I was already thinking them, but it makes them worse, far worse. It's almost as though it enjoyed taunting with me, and screwing with my mind! Harry it didn't affect you like that. It never tried to make you do any of the horrible things it made me think."

"It tried to strangle me!" Harry added helpfully.

"That's not the point." Ron said, looking to me for support. "I just don't think you should open it."

A strange hissing interrupted his appeal for help, Harry was glancing down at the locket as it opened, a pale ghostly figure emerging. It slowly morphed into another two figures, one looking like a poor imitation of Harry, the other of a strange figure that appeared to be me. Both seemed to have been mingled with Voldemort's features, my eyes having changed to those frighteningly familiar cat-like slits for eyes. The Voldemort-Harry was slowly becoming more human; it had begun to grow a body and was slowly pacing around Ron who seemed to be away in another world entirely. I watched as the strange Horcrux figure of me began taunting Ron, at first it was by calling his name, but as it too grew a body it began to also pace around him, poking him and sneering barely audible insults at him.

Harry who was closer to Ron had gone ghostly white; another figure was emerging from within the locket. I would recognise his blonde hair and familiar face anywhere, even if it had been contorted and mingled with Voldemort's features. Draco had emerged from within the locket. He was slowly growing limbs and walking towards Ron, however he said nothing. He simply took a hold of the figure of mine and kissed it lightly upon the lips. Ron's face twisted at this simple gesture, as though it tore him apart seeing the strange Horcrux Hermione and Draco together. I wondered if this is how he felt when he saw Draco and I together at Shell Cottage. _Is this how he would react each and every time he saw us together?_ I still could not hear a single word which the figures were saying, although the look of agony upon his face spoke louder than the words themselves.

I slowly stood and begun to move towards Ron, ready to wrench the sword from within his hands and plunge it through the locket myself, if it meant ending that pain he felt, I would do that for him. I slowly advanced towards Ron, actually able to hear the ghostly figure of Harry taunting Ron about being the least loved child. As I passed Harry I felt a hand grasp around my ankle pulling me to the ground once again. Harry had pulled me back.

"He's got to do this alone." He hissed.

"We have to help him."

"No, Hermione, he has to do this for himself."

I watched as slowly the situation only seemed to be worsening, until out of nowhere the figures which had begun to block my view of Ron vanished suddenly, dissipating into nothingness. Leaving Ron standing alone the sword plunged through the heart of the locket. He was shaking violently as he withdrew the sword and threw it aside sinking to his knees. Harry released my ankle and I got up and ran towards him grabbing him in my arms and hugging him tightly. It was times like these that we relied most on our friends, to be there for us when we needed us most. Clearly this time it was Ron's much awaited turn, he had endured so much these past few months, and now it was his turn to rely upon me, as I relied upon the doe to lead me to Harry.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Those I rely upon, they deserve all the love in the world. _

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**Author's Note: **_Today, I thought I'd be a little creative because I like procrastinating on homework. It's the first of my reader questions. Basically the answer is revealed in the next chapter somewhere, and don't worry I will make it quite clear. Basically leave the answer in a review and we'll see how many get it right! _

_The question: What was the creature lurking in the depths of the large cavern Hermione almost fell into?_

_The clue (For those struggling): It's not in: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and it is mentioned in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban._

_Song of the Chapter: __**From Where You Are by Lifehouse.**_


	57. When Was The Last Time You Impressed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Seven: When Was The Last Time You Impressed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Love__, I find, is like singing. Everyone can do enough to satisfy themselves, though it may not __impress__ the neighbours as being very much.__"_

* * *

I refused to let got of Ron, I clung on to him for dear life. Afraid that if I let him go he would slip away from me forever, that was how strongly the fear pulsed through my veins. After several moments of silent weeping, both in relief and joy I released him, and took a good look at the man my friend had become without me. Surely, he had changed. There was a newfound strength within him, one that I had failed to see when I was around him constantly, a change that it took separation to see. But there it was, clear as day, a change so subtle it would have taken a near stranger many months to realise it, but I could see it, he had become the man I always wished he would. Yet it had come too little too late. It was like watching a brother grow older before your eyes, the little brother who you relied upon, as though suddenly you looked him in the eyes and he was suddenly seventeen going on eighteen, no longer the scared eleven year old you remembered from your younger years.

I stepped away from him slowly gathering the pieces of the now shattered Horcrux in my hands and glanced down upon them. There was nothing within the broken glass and tangle of shredded metal to suggest that this object had harboured the shattered fragment of a human beings soul. In fact it looked like a simple locket, nothing strange or sinister about it. Just another ordinary, everyday locket, well aside from the fact that it was an object which had once belonged to Salazar Slytherin. I ran the cool metal through my hands carefully avoiding the glass; I almost expected to feel some form of evil leaking from these pieces, almost as though I half expected to see it leaking from within the broken pieces of the locket. If this is what I was expecting I should have been left quite disappointed. However, it was more of a relief; I often felt great disgust thinking about the contents of the Horcruxes, but now it seemed almost as though the repulsion I felt had turned to a fear of the objects themselves.

I carefully handed the locket to Harry who pocketed it quickly almost as though he wanted to hide it from view. I could understand this desire, the fear that such an object would cause to stir within your heart after experiencing its darkness for yourself. I smiled at him softly, in a way which I meant to be reassuring. However I was unsure whether it came across as such, perhaps it showed my fear, my uncertainty. Perhaps that single smile acted like a window to my soul, showing all my deepest darkest secrets and emotions in a mere gesture. I turned to face the opposite direction, almost as though I was ashamed of feelings, that my friends would care, that they would laugh at my fears at them. Everything I knew told me that they would not mind, that they would in fact be accepting of how I felt in the current situation. Yet I felt the desire to impress them, to prove that I could be as strong as them when left alone, but I suddenly felt as though all that had been pulled out from beneath my feet. As though suddenly that single smile had revealed the truth - that I was in fact weaker than them, that I was struggling.

"Blimey, that was a right mess." Ron whispered.

"You can say that again." I replied quietly. "Hopefully next time destroying a Horcrux won't involve a near death experience on Harry's part or me being lured into a dark chasm by a hinkypunk."

"I hope so too." Harry replied pulling Ron to his feet. "Wait a what?" He said double taking.

"A hinkypunk. It's a creature made of smoke, they lure travellers to their death. They have a strange light which you can see and it makes you think there is a building ahead. Unfortunately there is not and you are merely being led into their nest." I replied.

"How…er…pleasant." Harry replied looking away, clearly he had forgotten what a hinkypunk was.

"I'm rather hungry." Ron noted. "I believe it is time for dinner."

"Sounds like a plan." I replied.

We walked in silence from the large clearing and back through the forest in the general direction in which we had found ourselves running wildly without direction through the unknown territory – only in reverse. In the end we appeared several hundred meters away from the campsite. We begun the tiresome journey back into the campsite where there was no food awaiting for us, only a ringing silence and strange sense of accomplishment. I gathered my bag the second I entered the large spacious and comfortable tent. I slung it over my shoulder carefully, knowing that returning now was my best option. The sooner I returned the fewer people that would notice that I had vanished. It would also ensure the safety of those covering for me. I looked at Harry and Ron who seemed to understand that it was best for me to leave.

"Going so soon?" Ron asked.

"I have to; there are people and a life waiting for me."

"A life?" Ron whispered sadly. "I wish I still had one of those."

"You do have one, Ron. You have one that is serving the greater good. Mine however has not such a great purpose."

"Our lives are so very different now." I whispered. "Hopefully some day they shall be normal once again."

"I'll be waiting for that day." Ron whispered into my ears hugging me tightly.

Harry too stepped forward and hugged me. "I'm impressed; you've retained your wit and bravery. It must be the Gryffindor within." He whispered. "Say hello to Ginny for me."

"Don't worry, I shall." I whispered releasing him.

"Please, stay safe and stay out of trouble." I said to both Harry and Ron. "However, I know that's a little too much to ask, if you're not looking for trouble, it seems to come looking for you. An unfortunate side affect of being a Gryffindor I'm led believe." I finished drawing the fabric that was the door of the tent aside and stepping through it as I turned to leave I stuck my head through the door. "You're halfway, three down, three to go." I said with a smile drawing the piece of fabric across once again and walking further into the large clearing.

I took a last glance at the forest campsite, my childhood memories coming flooding back as I looked at the place in which my father and mother had brought me once camping. I could remember each and every intricate detail from that small event in my life; it was one of the first occasions in which I had used magic. I was eight at the time. I closed my eyes remembering the event so clearly.

* * *

_Spring was upon us, the sweet smelling meadow was so peaceful, my father had been right; it was the perfect place for a camping trip. His father too had brought him here as a child. There apparently was no better time for camping in such a location. I lay my back against the ground; it was warm and smelt strongly of the small yellow flowers which seemed to be sprouting from within the ground. I closed my eyes and managed to allow myself to drift away to another time, another place. I imagined the small white flowers rising around me covering me, closing me off from the world which seemed to fear and hate me so. Suddenly the children that had teased me, the tears that had been shed over their cruel and harsh words seemed to slip away – they no longer mattered to me. _

_I glance upwards; the sky is no longer visible. There is a blanket of beautiful yellow flowers encasing me. Their sweet sense washes over me, leaving me with the feeling of contentment and happiness. For such a long time I had suspected that I was different and perhaps this was a confirmation of such powers. I reached upwards, clearing a small patch of the flowers away from the area in front of my eyes, so that I could glance upwards at the sky and I remember for the very first time in my life I could finally see the sky. I could see it in all its beauty the amazing crystal clear blue of the morning sky, and nothing else in the world seemed to matter. I was entirely at peace in a world of my own. A world in which I was entirely alone within and for the first time in my life it felt as though I belonged. _

* * *

My eyes opened, it was almost as though I was reliving the entire scene once again. At my foot I noticed a delicate yellow flower, the very same from my childhood. I carefully plucked it from the ground placing it within my cloak pocket. I closed my eyes carefully imagining the interior of the Hogs Head before I slowly begun to turn on spot. I felt every particle within my body vanishing and suddenly after much confusion and scrambling reappearing right within the centre of small pub, much to the shock of the single person sitting within the bar itself – The Barman. I smiled at him before once again unhinging the portrait from the wall revealing the large passageway which lay behind it.

"Thank you." I said as kindly as possible to the barman. "I'm sorry to cause such a disturbance."

"I'm glad to be doing my part in this war." He replied without glancing up from the grimy cup which he was attempting to shine with an unclean rag.

I hauled myself upwards and into the passageway, which closed suddenly with a snap the second in which I had fully entered it. I imagined it may have been the doing of the barman, wishing guard this one secret from the Death Eaters who constantly guarded the main street of Hogsmeade. I could not blame him; his entire life had been intruded upon against his will, he customers scared away with no desire to return when they would be in the company of those whose nature was less than favourable. I could not imagine myself wishing to sit beside a Death Eater in a grimy pub in Hogsmeade and I suspected that barely any other who had not shown their support for the dark side at one time or another would wish to either. I could however imagine the Death Eaters sitting within the small room until the very early hours of the morning, speaking of their plans for evil.

It was not the most pleasant of thoughts, knowing that one of the most magical places in this world, an entirely magical community had been corrupted with the presence of the Death Eaters. It was one of the most haunting thoughts, that even Hogwarts had been infiltrated with such a presence, it seemed almost unimaginable that these two places could have been so easily taken from us, that they were now places in which seemed to be teeming with the darkest kinds of people, mixed among those who had no say in the matter. I felt as though it was one of the greatest injustices in this war, that these people had been forced to change their way of life simply to retain their own lives. I had seen the signs upon the windows of the Hogs Head, that any in not in compliance with the Ministry regulations regarding cooperation with the Death Eaters were to be killed on spot.

As I crawled along the passageway in the darkness I felt a stab of pity for these people, these people who had already lost everything to these changes. It seemed like an awfully long time before I found myself opening the portrait at the opposite end of the tunnel. In fact it seemed as though it had taken several hours for me to clamber my way back up the long tunnel. I found myself falling through the air as my hand slipped upon the entrance once again I found myself crashing against the ground. I carefully picked myself up and walked no matter how painfully to my room, and placed my bag within the door. I could feel each and every ache from where I had landed exiting one of the portraits. I could feel the bruises forming where I had been knocked aside in the forest. I imagined I would be quite purple when I cared to look the next day.

I carefully slipped out of my room and opened the door to Draco's room slipping inside quietly. He did not stir as I crawled onto his bed and lay beside him. I carefully pressed my lips to his neck and wrapped my arms lovingly around him. I realised that he was awake when his arms wrapped around me and he murmured: "Hermione?" Before speaking again he opened his eyes and glanced at me. "That didn't take long. I'm quite impressed. How does it felt to be home?"

_Home. _The word sounded so wonderful. "It feels great to be home." I whispered in reply, falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My First Matey – 'Ahoy Hoy! Let's all have pear cake and biscuits.' Thanks for making that chemistry lesson fun when I needed cheering up._

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**Author's Note: **Three down, three to go. I hope you got the question right even if you were too afraid to post it! Thanks for all the reviews! I hope to post again shortly!


	58. When Was The Last Time You Decorated?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Decorated?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."_

* * *

Several weeks had passed since that fateful meeting with Ron and Harry, and the truth was I was missing them quite terribly. It was as though seeing them once again had rekindled the loneliness and abandonment within my heart. However, I was not about to let it affect me again. As bad as the pain felt, it was no excuse to allow myself to become a victim of my own emotions once again. I was too preoccupied by the decorations to even consider anything else, we had already had several minor issues in the decorations, I was not about to admit I was close to a major breakdown if another detail went wrong. We had planned this down to the very smallest details and yet there were still things going wrong. For one the ice sculptures arrived almost four hours late, setting back decorating the tables by a further two hours. By extension this affected every minor detail that I had planed down to the very last minute and I was unsure of what was worse, the fact that I could not find my dress robes or that I suspected the Hall would not be ready.

Both were rather worrisome at the present time. I watched as Draco enchanted the ice sculptures to prevent them from melting under the constant temperature of the fire enclosed within them. That even in itself had been a challenge and a half, yet I had to admit the overall effect was pleasant to the eye. I glanced upon the largest of the statues illuminated by the bright red flames enclosed within it. It bore an uncanny resemblance to Voldemort in my opinion. However Draco was under the impression that it was simply a person Snape had chosen to be immortalised for an evening in ice. I was unsure of this, I could not shake that strange and horrible feeling that perhaps it was _supposed _to resemble Voldemort, of course it would make sense, at least seventy percent of the invitees were the wealthy Slytherin families, purely because they seemed to donate the most to the school. This ensured an invitation to the most auspicious events of the school year. Clearly this ball was to be no exception.

I placed my hands upon my hips admiring my handiwork, the icicles hanging from the candles suspended in the air were arranged perfectly finally. Against the night sky nothing could look more perfect. I was thankful that tomorrow evening would be a full moon; the sky would no look more beautiful with such decorations. I carefully pointed my wand at the ceiling uttering the charm which would ensure that the candles would remain suspended within their places. I sighed finally free of yet another burden and walked over to one of the many tables that had been placed along the sides of the hall, each having already been set with tablecloths, more knives, forks and spoons than I had ever seen in my life and several hundred plates. The large ice sculptures loomed beautifully over the tables, providing a pleasant warmth. I carefully took a seat at one of the tables careful not affect any of the arrangements upon the table. I heard a soft, bittersweet sound coming from the stage.

Draco was standing upon the large stage which had been prepared for the _Weird Sisters_ he was smiling at me extending a hand. I stood up and walked towards him slowly, he leapt off the stage and walked towards me meeting me in the centre of the large dance floor which had been constructed from ice, charmed to prevent slipping. He grabbed me around the waist and drew me close, wrapping his arms around my waist. I carefully wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled at him. He spun me around slowly, the large lamps that had been illuminating the hall diming to a faint glow. I watched as the enchanted flames erupted beneath the crystal floor, shining brightly. I carefully pressed my lips to his as he continued to spin me about slowly. I sighed as he placed a hand at the base of my neck deepening the kiss lightly. I wrapped my hand through his long blond hair which was slightly too long to be neat any longer. He no longer wore it slicked back; it was worn loosely around his face. When his hair was loose he had a certain softness in his appearance, a softness which allowed his beauty to shine through.

"What are you wearing tomorrow?" He asked softly.

"My dress robes if I can find them. They're not in my trunk. I could have sworn I put them in there." I replied.

"It's a ball, Hermione; you can't wear dress robes to this sort of ball." He laughed. "Luckily I ordered something just in case."

"You didn't. Draco!" I cried. "I can deal with this on my own!"

"Clearly you can't." He laughed. "Don't worry, it matches my robes. I needed to ensure an appropriate match."

"That's your excuse?" I laughed.

"Is it lame?" He asked.

"Very." I replied placing my head against his chest. "But clearly your heart was in the right place."

"When isn't it?" He asked laughing.

"Exactly…" I replied placing my hands around his neck.

"Do you want to see the dress?" He asked.

"Do I?"

"You'll like it, once you put it on." He replied.

"That's not reassuring."

"I know. It wasn't supposed to be."

I sighed, "I suppose. I'm finished already anyway."

"Good." He replied taking my hand. "I've been finished for ages."

He carefully lead me back to the Room of Requirement where upon the couch sat a large box. It certainly had not been there when I left. I eyed it off suspiciously; there was something unsettling about the sheer size of the box. Draco slowly opened it revealing a tangle of crimson material. I glared at him noticing the expensive detailing upon the dress. I walked over to him and gathered the dress in my arms it weighed an absolute ton, however I could not help but fall completely in love with the dress merely upon looking at it. There was something entrancing about the large ruffled skirt, and the diamond encrusted bodice. Despite my misgivings at first I had to admit that the dress was more amazing than I could ever have imagined. I carefully held it up against my body it brushed against the ground even with my height; simply by looking at it I could see that it would be a perfect fit. Draco was smiling at me; undoubtedly I had a look of pure awe upon my face.

"Try it on." He urged.

"I can't. I don't want to ruin it."

"I highly doubt you will."

I gave up even trying to argue against Draco, I had to admit I was too excited by the prospect of wearing the dress to even consider arguing any longer. I was that excited by this dress that every other thought vanished from my mind, every single thought of Harry and Ron, every thought of my upcoming N.E.W.T.S, every piece of homework that I was required to hand in this week vanished entirely from my mind. Replaced by the excitement I was sure that wearing this dress would give. I gathered the dress in my arms and slipped into the group bathroom being shared by Ginny, Lavender, Parvarti and myself now and locked the door. I carefully undressed and pulled the dress over my body. I realised that the bodice consisted of a corset. I grabbed a hold of the dress and opened the door and walked into the large open living room.

"Can you do this up, please?" I asked.

Draco appeared by my side and shakily pulled the tight pieces of ribbon that held the dress up, tying them into a neat bow. I grabbed the long pieces of ribbon that was dancing from the front of the dress and pulled it behind my back tying it up carefully. I took a step away from Draco and spun around slowly. It was almost as though this dress transformed every insecure feeling I had ever felt and converted it to confidence. The dress itself had the ability to make its wearer feel beautiful. I felt nothing short of beautiful as I spun around, the soft silk and lace spiralling in time with me. I placed my hands on my mouth as I stoped to face Draco who had been left entirely speechless. He was smiling, sure, yet he had not said a word yet.

"I can't wear this." I said softly. "It's far too expensive."

He laughed. He seemed almost lost for words, however after several moments he wrapped his arms around my waist pressed his lips to my ear he whispered:

"_O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!  
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night  
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;  
beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!  
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,  
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.  
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,  
And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.  
Dud, my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!  
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."_

"Are you quoting Romeo and Juliet?" I asked unable to contain my surprise.

"You recognise it?" He asks.

"Yes of course, I've read the play so many times. It's among my favourites. The movie is quite wonderful also."

"Movie?" Draco asked.

"It's a like a play, but without the stage and more special effects, only it's recorded and placed onto videos and you can watch them in your home on a television. Sorry, I forget sometimes that you weren't brought up by Muggles." I whispered.

"It does indeed sound quite wonderful." He whispered.

"It truly is." I replied. "Why did you pick that quote?"

"Because I've never seen another as beautiful as you are tonight. I suspect tomorrow evening you will look even more beautiful, and every male will be unable to avoid falling in love with you themselves."

"I highly doubt that." I replied.

"Even if they don't fall in love with you, you shall always have me." He whispered pressing his lips to mine.

"That's all I need." I replied kissing him back.

"Get a room you two." Ginny hissed as she walked from her room and to the bathroom. "We don't need to see your constant public displays of affection."

"Ginny?" I replied noticing the redness around her eyes.

"What are you wearing?" She asked.

"My dress for tomorrow night." I replied. "You're going right?"

"I don't have a date!" She cried slamming the door, the recognisable sound of the lock clicking behind her, her unmasked sobs echoing in the small room.

I felt a stab of pity for the poor girl, she had been like this since I had given her Harry's message, I almost wished I had not, if it could have spared her from this pain. I carefully went to my room and slipped out of the dress, it was far easier to remove than put on and put my pyjamas on. I went into Ginny's room and shut the door sitting upon her bed. I was prepared to wait all evening. I noticed the decorations in her room, amidst the Quidditch posters and the house flags were the small photos that had been taken last year of her and Harry. Upon her beside table there was a single photo of him, one I recognised from being before the wedding. I noticed the door creaking open and Ginny slipping inside.

"What are you doing in my room?" She asked.

"I'm here to talk." I replied. "Because lets face it sometimes we need to discuss the problems that are bothering us most."

With my words she burst into a fresh set of tears, sitting upon the edge of the bed she curled into a small ball. "I miss him so much." She whispered.

I crawled forward carefully and wrapped my arms around her soothingly. "I miss him too." I replied.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Orange Magician – Sometimes I think we need a life, or perhaps another member of our werewolf pack. _

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**Author's Note: **_This was the first major time jump, interestingly there is one more. I put this one off quite a bit and reshuffled the plan a little to accommodate this, however next chapter is the ball and a series of events is to begin once again. Oh and did anyone recognise the quote. It is my favourite quote from Rome and Juliet and I thought it was apt for this scene. The difference is, I don't think the movie is all that wonderful personally. As of yesterday every chapter has been reviewed! Thank you so much for your love and support! _

_Song of the chapter: __**Not Alone – A Very Potter Musical **__(If you haven't seen it I highly recommend it!)_


	59. When Was The Last Time You Danced?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Fifty Nine: When Was The Last Time You Danced?  
______A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

______**_____

* * *

_**

"_Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time.__"_

_

* * *

_

I could quite clearly remember the day my Mother had taught me the secrets to makeup. It was a cold winter's day and we were cooped up within the house due to poor weather and blocked roads from the snow. Despite the fact she should have been working, even if it was snowing she stayed home to spend time with me, it was one of those few brief days we had during the year in which we could see one another. Those brief moments which I missed with great sadness on days such as this. She would have known exactly what to do; she would have been able to help me. Yet I was entirely alone, without guidance or help. I could remember her showing me the secrets her mother had taught her when she was almost my age. I could remember the way she laughed so happily as she watched my failed attempts with her eyeliner. I could remember her smile in the photo she had taken of us when we were done, the way her carefree smile seemed to reflect everything she was feeling at that moment. There was no fear in her eyes, only love.

The last memory I had of her was her expressionless glance as she gazed through the back of a taxi window. Wondering who she was, where she was going and what had happened to her. I looked at myself in the mirror of the small bathroom, unsure of where to begin. There was nowhere to begin in my opinion. There was very little I could do when I was not in possession of anything that could help me either. I wished I could go back to that day, the day my Mother and I had spent trying on every single item of makeup she owned. To a day when I was twelve years old and still entirely clueless about the world of makeup and boys. At seventeen it was almost as though these life lessons had come all too soon, I wished I could go back to being that child again, that child who believed nothing in the world could touch her, that child who believed she would be a princess one day. Yet as soon as these dreams had entered my head they had been shattered by the revelations that came with my powers and the loneliness that had come with them.

I was able to do things that no other child could. I was a freak and an anomaly that should not have existed. The girls at my school ensured I was well aware of this. Yet I had found solace in my books, the books that acted as my friends. Those books in which the heroine was strong, brave and always defeated villain which she faced. They had created the world I would never know, the world I could never gain back within my mind. With the discovery of my powers came the discovery of the person I one day could be. Yet at the time I did not know that in order to use these powers I would be dragged away from everything I knew and loved in order to find myself all over again. I was not the only one, yet at the time it was the most daunting experience of my entire life, never had I been so afraid or felt so alone, but for once I was not entirely alone. For the first time in my life I felt as though perhaps someone could understand me, that I would never have to live in fear of my powers again and for the first time in a long time it felt as though everything was going to be okay.

I opened my eyes, the reality of my age, life and situation flooding back to me in a few simple seconds. I forgot those memories which I had become lost in and glanced back at the person in the mirror. The thin and worn looking girl who looked more lost than confident. As though the removal of the dress had taken the illusion it had created with it. A small bag had materialised before me containing various potions and makeup accessories. Swallowing my fears I plunged my hand into the bag drawing out a large bottle of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion, and began to pour it on my untamed hair. After several bottles my hair sat softly against my back. I carefully pulled it back pinning the now defined curls into some form of order. I carefully set to work on my makeup, deciding that simplistic would be best with the dress. After a little work I completed the lines that framed my eyes dramatically with black eyeliner and completed the overall look with a bright red lipstick, the same shade as the dress. My pale skin looked ghostly with the makeup, but I was not complaining.

I quickly pulled the dress on, walking out into the living room. Ginny was waiting for me sitting crossed legged upon the couch in a brilliant black dress that accentuated how thin she was looking these days. She walked forward with a smile and helped tighten the corset bodice on the dress. When she was finished she stepped away from me surveying me carefully as though she was struggling to put words to what she had to say.

"You look very much a Pureblood." She said decidedly.

"I hope so. Draco's parents are going to be here." I replied nervously. "I hope I don't look too horrible."

"You look amazing." She replied. "The dress, it is far too perfect for words."

"It feels so perfect to wear." I whispered. "I just don't look the part for Draco."

"You look more than the part." Draco whispered appearing in the doorway. "You look too perfect for words."

I looked at him, more handsome than I had ever seen him before in a suit and tie, the tie matching the colour of my dress perfectly. He walked forward and embraced me lovingly. "You are so beautiful." He whispered. "Nothing in this world compares to your beauty this evening, or ever for that matter." He said to me softly as he drew away, almost as though he was admiring the dress once more.

"Shall we go down to the ball?" I asked nervously. "I would hate to think of everyone's impression of us if we were late to a ball which we planned."

"They shall not care." Draco replied. "It is perfectly acceptable for the host to be late to his or her own ball. In fact I would say it's rather customary."

"I hope you are right." I replied realising the time. "We are slightly late now. The guests will have begun to arrive!"

"No need to fret." Draco replied. "We shall see you down in the Hall soon I gather?" He asked Ginny.

"Perhaps, I'm not sure whether I'm going yet." She replied.

"Oh, it would be such a waste of such a beautiful dress if you were not to attend." I said to her. "Think about it, please? It's going to be a fantastic evening; well I hope it shall be. I did co-plan it after all."

"I don't doubt your planning in the slightest, Hermione." She replied. "It's just not a good time right now."

I looked at my friend, the only friend who had remained constantly within my life these past few years. There was very little I could offer her in the way of comfort, very little advice I could offer to mend a broken heart. I outstretched my hand simply and took her hand within my own. "Sometimes we pray for a miracle, and it finds us. Sometimes we pray for a miracle and it never comes. The difference is actually having faith that a miracle can occur in the first place. That something, beyond your control can happen simply by willing it to. I may not know much about life, but I know that the best cure for a broken heart is to move on. Sometimes it's all we can do instead of running away from those trying to enter our lives, we need to run to them." I whispered in her ear before taking Draco's arm.

"I wish I could believe that Harry and Ron were just going to appear suddenly. Almost as though they'd planned it. But I don't think it will." She replied.

As I walked through the door I turned back to face her. "The difference is being there waiting for them even if they don't show up, the difference is that you were there."

I never caught another glimpse of her face as Draco led me through the castle carefully and slowly to ensure that no harm could come to the dress. I found it so very easy to talk to Draco, almost as though there was nothing I couldn't tell him. I kept no secrets from him, and I hoped that he kept no secrets from me. He held my hand within his own with such a gentleness that no-one could expect, a tenderness that made one feel as though they were the most fragile and delicate object upon the planet. With my hand in his I felt invincible as though nothing vicious or wishing me ill could harm me or even touch me. It was almost as though his gentle grip on my hand left me feeling as though I was everything in his world; nothing else mattered as long as I was safe. I had never been able to read people well, but it was as though Draco and I were perfectly matched, one always able to tell what the other was thinking with a simple glance.

He slowly let go of my hand at the top of the staircase which descended into the welcoming area, atop the stairs were a large group of beautifully dressed girls. As Draco passed through them they looked hopefully at him, as though they hoped to catch his eye, perhaps in the hope that he would ask them to dance. I watched as Draco took his place among the waiting men, who all stood waiting for their partners to walk down the stairs. I stopped and talked to Lavender for several minutes, she was wearing a delicate silk dress that complimented her hair perfectly, she was smiling, and for once the terror and tiredness I saw in her eyes was gone, replaced by a pleasant and genuine smile. It was almost as though the thought of being able to pretend she was someone else, even if only for an evening had changed her. It had changed us all in ways we could not begin to comprehend. I watched as slowly and steadily each girl moved down the stairs either to her partner or into the hall alone. As I waiting my turn Ginny stepped past me, walking down the stairs confidently as though she had not a care in the world.

I expected her to enter the hall alone, as did she I assumed judging by the look of surprise when an unfamiliar boy stepped out from the crowd and took her hand. She instantly threw herself into his arms and kissed him passionately as if she had been waiting for him her entire life. I could not move. This was the girl who barely a day ago had been crying over her past boyfriend, the one she loved so dearly and now here I found her in the arms of another as though nothing mattered. What troubled me more was the fact that I did not recognise him, however there was something in the way he held her in his arms, his posture and general manner that soothed me. Something within me told me that he meant her no harm. He was older, that was for sure. You could see it in his face that he was at least five years older than myself. The question that remained: _Who was he?_

I carefully gripped the handrail, gently, careful to avoid tensing my arm. I slowly descended the stairs, the ruffles in the dress lifting ever so lightly with each step. Waiting for me was Draco, his smile simply infectious, his eyes filled with an expression I did not recognise. I would later be told that it was the expression a man would have upon his face that first moment he saw his soon to be wife for the very first time upon their wedding day. I could see everything in his eyes, love, concern and no fear despite a lack of direction. It was almost as though I could see everything that made Draco who he was in that instant. He carefully took my arm and pressed his lips to my right cheek carefully. It seemed as though the hall burst into life around us all in an instant. People appearing either side talking, parents and past students using up the entire space allocated for the dance floor.

Draco led me onto the crowded dance floor taking my waist. Once again the world seemed to blur around us, as though time itself passed by in an instant around us. I became lost in his eyes, the beautiful blue-grey tones of his irises. I felt a hand upon my shoulder which awoke me from the strange feeling of timelessness. I looked up to see the tall strange boy Ginny had been with earlier. There was something unsettling about him up close, as though there was something about the way he stood that I could familiarise with but not quite place. "May I have this dance?" He asked politely before turning to Draco and asking. "Do you mind? I shall return her as soon as the dance is over."

"Okay." Draco replied, his tone rather confused yet there was a strange note within it that I associated with recognition.

As Draco walked away the strange boy took my waist, one hand upon my shoulder also. I examined him closely. There was nothing familiar about his features; in fact I was almost certain that I had never seen him before in my life. He bent over low enough to whisper in my ear. "You look beautiful tonight, Hermione."

"How do you know my name?" I asked instantly.

"I highly doubt I could forget the name of one of my own best friends." He replied. "Hogwarts is so different, almost eerie."

"Harry?" I whispered stopping movement altogether.

"Shhh…" He whispered. "We don't want to cause any alarm now do we. I expected a more shocked expression though." He noted.

"You shouldn't be here." I whispered. "You should have come."

"I did this for Ginny." He whispered. "She needed it."

"It doesn't matter. Harry you are in so much danger."

"I don't care. _This for her._ That's all that matters." He replied. "It's not for you or for anyone else that I am here. I am here for her, she's all that matters."

He placed my hand on his shoulder once again. "For just a night, let's pretend as though everything's normal. I need that too." He whispered spinning me around carefully.

"I think I can do that." I replied. "I think I need it to."

"Then dance, dance and pretend like nothing is wrong. On the dance floor there are no worries, no time; it is everything you make it." He whispered spinning me into a graceful stop. "Draco should count himself lucky, Ron would have red with jealousy were he here."

"Ron would have ruined everything again." I replied.

"Most likely." Harry replied letting go of my waist as the song drew to a close. "Thanks for taking care of her."

"Anytime." I replied, catching the last glance of him that I would for quite for a long time his hand grasping Ginny's as though each of them need some part of their skin touching in order to breathe.

Draco appeared by my side and leant forward to whisper in my ear so that no other could hear his words, "It's Potter isn't it?" He asked.

I nodded. "I told him it was a bad idea."

"No-one's going to know." Draco replied. "They think he'll come under his cloak or something similar. Not in the open dancing with Ginny Weasley."

"There's a strange logic to that." I replied standing up on my toes and pressing my lips to his.

"Draco." A calm, poised voice hissed from behind us. "Please, you are in the company of your friends and onlookers who may judge you for your behaviour. Can you not refrain from you hideous infatuation for even an evening?"

"Mother, please, this is not the time nor the place." Draco replied.

"It is. I cannot stand by and watch as one of the purest blood lines is under threat of being tainted!" She hissed back stopping the slow and steady dance with her husband. "We shall resume this discussion in the gardens, it is your decision as to whether you bring _her _or not. Be aware that it will affect the outcome."

I watched as they stalked out the door, Draco turning to me and taking my hand. "Come on. We have to go talk to them."

"If it will cause more trouble than I won't." I replied. "I can't cause that sort of trouble."

"I don't care. They need to learn that this isn't changing. That I _love _you. _You and only you." _He said lifting me into the air lightly. "Nothing can keep me from loving you, even they can't."

"Draco…" I whispered. "Please… Think about this."

"I have. They need to learn their place. They'll have no control over me once I finish school, and then they won't have a say, the only thing that they can take from me is my inheritance from them. My grandfather gave more to me than he did my father. I'll never be short of money; I already have several estates as part of his possessions. Hermione, don't you see, even if they could take _everything_ except for you away from me, I'd still pick _you_." He paused. "You mean more to me than _anything _money could buy me and that's a fact."

"Come on, it's time we faced the music." He said taking my hand and walking slowly towards the large open gardens.

As we approached the first voice I heard was Lucius's, hissing furiously at Draco for having the nerve to bring me with him. "What in the name of Merlin is the meaning of this!?" He roared once we were in closer proximity.

"I believe it's me proving a point." Draco replied.

"What kind of point. There is not point to be proved! Draco, you are to end this hideous affair immediately!"

"How about _no_?" Draco whispered. "For once in my life I'm saying 'No' to you. I've always said 'Yes'. Hell, I even became a Death Eater for you both! You won't let me have the one thing I ever wanted. The one thing that's ever meant you have to question yourselves or doubt my obedience. Please, can't you just accept this one aspect of my life? The only aspect I'm willing to fight tooth and nail for."

"If that is the attitude you are choosing to take, do not expect us at your graduation." Narcissa Malfoy hissed. "Do not expect us at your filthy wedding, or at the birth of your filthy children."

"I would hope you wouldn't be there. Because Hermione is anything but filthy. In fact she's more intelligent than anyone I have ever met in my life."

"She is a Mudblood!" Narcissa spat.

"No, she's a half-blood. There is proof. It has been _proven._" Draco said slowly, drawing out the 'proven' to an almost ridiculous extent.

"If this is your decision so be it." Lucius said calmly. "Don't, however come crawling back to us when everything crumbles in those hands you've used to betray us. And after all we have given you…"

"You gave me nothing but hate, lies and deceit. It's no wonder I never had what I always needed in life."

"And what was that?" Narcissa asked.

"Hermione." Draco said taking my hand and leading me away from his parents, who even yards away I could still hear arguing and fuming over the scene that had just unfolded.

He stopped just short of where the paved pathway that led into the grounds ended a large open space before us. In the distance I could see a small plume of smoke rising from Hagrid's chimney, the Whomping Willow's strange outline in the darkness. It was a clear night, strangely not a cloud hung in the sky, a rare occurrence on days like these. The moon hung brightly in the sky, the stars hanging above us as perfect as though they painted into the skies. In the distance I could still hear the music as clearly as though we were inside. Draco slowly wrapped his arms around my waist hugging my tightly. I pressed my head lightly against his chest wrapping my arms around his neck. Slowly he begun to spin me slowly on the spot, a slow, almost mournful waltz is what our dance had become. We were alone in the darkness which had surrounded us, our only company each other and the moon and stars that shone so brightly above us. For an instant it was as though we could pretend that everything was perfect in our worlds, that nothing would change as long as we continued to dance.

But as usual this was not the case. At some point the dance must draw to a close but for now I was willing to hold on to this moment for as a long as I could. Someone wise once told me: '_Love this moment. This moment is your life._' For the first time in my life I could see the logic in what they were saying. Never before had I been able to understand what it was they were trying to say. These moments that we lived, these brief specks that we call our lives needed to be lived to the fullest. Living and loving each moment was the only way I could make the most out of this life. The only life I would have. Despite the scene that had taken place minutes, hours, days ago – I could no longer remember the time, so consumed in the moment; I still managed to find something I loved in this moment. Despite the darkness, there was light. Despite the hatred and fear I felt so often there was love and hope. For every negative moment there was at least an equal share of positives. If not an equal share, there were two positives for each negative, and even if everything seemed to be falling to pieces, those pieces found themselves a place once again.

The pieces of my life had well and truly found their places again. Although not directly, perhaps taking longer than I had expected they had found themselves a place in this new life of mine. Although it seemed to have taken forever, taking a terrible toll upon my body and mind, those pieces joined together the new being that I was. The new being that I was still becoming all the time. Changing. Reshaping. Reforming whenever life seemed to cause the pieces to fall apart in sections once again. But now I knew that no matter what life threw at me, I could remain whole. I could survive any challenge if I remained strong. As long as Draco remained by my side I could survive until the very end. For now, I was content to forget how close the end very well could be and just dance, forever lost in the slow turning sensation that seemed to drag everything else away.

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**Dedicated To: **_The Unnamed. You taught me what it meant to be loved. You also taught me what it means to be broken hearted. You were also the first person to ask me to a dance. Thank you for everything._

**Author's Note: **_School is one word: Hectic! Hopefully, once these tests are over I might be able to return to one a week before exams! The reviews have been amazing, thank you for each single one!_

**Song of the chapter: Run – Leona Lewis**


	60. When Was The Last Time You Sparked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty: When Was The Last Time You Sparked?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_From a little __spark __may burst a flame.__"_

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I awoke a start, a hand clamping down softly yet firmly upon my mouth silencing me. My eyes widened in terror, was this really how it was to end? All this time, preparation and planning used to avoid this ending – One in which I was kidnapped on night by the Death Eaters - ruined. Something told me that this was different; something was not quite right about this situation. It was still dark above us, Draco and I had fallen asleep together under the stars. I bolted upright to see Draco pulling himself to his feet signalling at me to be quiet quickly re-buttoning his shirt which he had placed across me in my sleep. I stood carefully to avoid ruining the ball gown I was still wearing and followed him as he walked briskly behind a tall hedge. As I slipped behind it I heard it, the strange silence of the night. It was unnatural, not even in the distance could the music be heard. I opened my mouth to speak but Draco silenced me once again, his hand moving swiftly across my lips.

He looked desperately at me, the look in his eyes willing me to be silent as he peered through the hedges into the distance. He was pointing at several hooded figures leaning upon the stone wall of the Great Hall, to be precise, the outside lurking just out of view of any onlookers. It seemed as though they materialised from within the darkness itself, one appearing suddenly every few seconds. I no longer cared that I was kneeling upon the ground in a garden bed, that most likely the crimson dress was gathering dirt. My eyes were transfixed upon the place these people, I assumed to be Death Eaters were gathering. There was a soft murmur upon the grounds, their voices although not loud carrying across the grounds. I recognised several of the voices, Bellatrix Lestrange was present, as was Peter Pettigrew, Amycus and Alecto Carrow had also appeared for the event. I felt Draco's hand find mine and grasp it tightly out of the darkness.

A dark figure materialised within the centre of the group. Surveying those who had appeared, before removing each of their hoods in turn before removing his own. Voldemort was upon the school grounds, his almost white skin, his red, snakelike eyes and facial features visible even from a distance. Even his mere presence inspired fear within my heart. A fear that I only felt in his presence. Draco was shaking beside me, his hand grasping my own causing my entire arm to shake, although I could barely tell if it was him shaking or me. The silence ensure that I would not know for the time being. I was safe while we remained silent. As frightened as I was, as much as I wanted to run into the castle and alert everyone, I could not. I doubted if I tried I would even be able to move. Frozen with fear many people were in danger and would not even know it until it was far too late.

"You have failed me." Hissed Voldemort in a low tone. "He was here… But you allowed him to slip through your grasp… Yet again."

"My Lord, we were not aware of Potter's presence until minutes ago, by which time he had well and truly vanished. We assure you this is no direct fault of ours, we are unsure as to how he even managed to slip through the gates!" Amycus Carrow cried.

"Surely, surely, you remember that there are secret passageways?" He asked. "Surely, you remember that I asked you to guard each of them as Potter would surely use one to slip within the castle this evening?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"Well," He hissed. "why is it that he has managed to slip through your grasp once again!"

Amycus Carrow fell to his knees. "Please!" He begged. "Please have mercy!"

Voldemort bent down to face him, striking him across the face with his hand as he hissed. "How many times must I offer you forgiveness before Potter is caught!"

"No more, my Lord." He replied crawling to his feet. "Potter will be caught as soon as he can be located."

"Let us hope our next meeting will be in the presence of Harry Potter." Voldemort whispered before covering his face in his cloak and disappearing into the night as though he had become the darkness himself.

Several of the other Death Eaters covered their faces, stepping backwards into the darkness, others pulled off their cloaks all together, revealing dazzling and expensive looking ball gowns and suits. Alecto Carrow pointed her wand at the castle, muttering a spell that I was unable to hear and suddenly the night was alive with sound once again. The music once again filling the night, almost as though it had never vanished in the first place. The last two Death Eaters that remained were Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy, they still seemed to be arguing over the scene earlier despite it being at least an hour prior to Voldemort's arrival. There was something odd about the way Narcissa held herself, almost as though something had changed her in the last hour, she seemed less proud, and there was a definite sadness to the way in which she stood, almost as though she was in unbearable pain.

Suddenly their argument was loud enough for us to hear, her shrill voice carrying across the ground. "He's our _son, _Lucius! He is only doing what he deems as best! What would you have done at his age?"

"Narcissa! At his age I was already betrothed to you! I would not have dared threaten my Father with the prospect of destroying the purest wizarding bloodline!"

"Lucius, I think you forget that you were a child once also." Narcissa cried. "He's only a boy. A boy in _love._"

"That is not _love!" _Lucius cried. "That is infatuation! It's the not the same!"

"I think we should be glad he survived the last year. I don't think we should judge him as harshly."

"Narcissa, he is out there doing Merlin knows_ what_ with that filthy Mudblood and you believe we should not judge him?" Lucius turned away from his wife. "Don't you dare say what would you have done, Narcissa. At his age I had the sense to know my place and how to behave. He clearly has failed to grasp these concepts."

"He's just a boy, Lucius. I think you forget that he's not you." She said rather softly, lifting the hem of her dress and stalking within the castle without her husband, who followed in silence several moments later.

I turned to Draco grasping his face softly. "I'm so sorry. I never wished to spark such trouble you and your parents. I never wanted to be the cause of such discord."

"I don't care. You've me so much more than they ever did or could."

"I'm just one person though."

"Your a person who taught me what it means to love and loved in return. It's not a lesson you can gain from many."

"I do love you, you know that right?" I asked with a smile.

"Entirely." He replied leaning over to kiss me gently. He was smiling; I could feel it upon my lips. "To think they thought we were somewhere doing something _distasteful_!" He laughed, mocking his Father's voice.

"I think this is what they may have meant." I replied leaning forward kissing him again.

"I don't." He replied pulling me down atop of him.

"What then?" I asked between kisses.

He did not reply, however his smirk said enough. I laughed and pressed my lips to his neck. "Not tonight." I whispered.

"Not tonight." He confirmed. "I'd want it to be perfect."

"Thank you." I whispered, pressing my lips once more to his, running my hands through his hair. "I don't really feel like going back to the ball." I admitted.

"Neither." Draco whispered sitting up carefully, holding me tightly to his chest. "We could always go back to the room." He suggested.

"We could…" I whispered slowly climbing to my feet, dragging him along with me.

"Tonight was rather overrated anyway." Draco noted.

"Wasn't it always going to be?" I asked.

"I think so." He replied gathering me in his arms with a single swift movement.

"What are you doing?" I asked looking down at the ground.

"Well, in my parent's eyes we are as good as married. I may as well carry you across the threshold." He laughed pressing his lips to mine. "Plus, I would hate for you to ruin that dress."

I laughed and hugged him tightly, "Always the optimist. How do you know I'd say yes?" I asked.

"I don't, but I would hope you would when I eventually did." He replied carrying me through the castle doors.

"I wouldn't say yes, for your information." I whispered.

"Would you say no?" He said stopping.

"No, I say hell yes!" I replied.

He laughed placing my feet upon the ground, drawing me close in his arms until my body was pressed perfectly against his. He bent down and kissed me, his tongue brushing gently along my lips. There was passion in the way he kissed me, an indescribable, moving passion in the way he held me in his arms. Passion I had never known before this moment and passion I would never know from another. It felt as though this kiss should not have been in public, there was something so revealing about us in the way he kissed me, almost as though our love was something that should have been covered away from the world. I heard a laugh echoing from the large staircase, yet I did not care to bother seeing who it was. I recognised the laugh instantly. High pitched and girlish. Pansy Parkinson seemed to have a habit for ruining perfect moments.

"Why don't you get a room?" She laughed. "It would be far more pleasant, for _everyone_. Rather than having to witness this, which is downright disgusting might I add, you two would be in total privacy."

"Blaise." Draco whispered in greeting.

He nodded simply almost in a dismissive way as though he too was ashamed in his once good friend at his behaviour. I held Draco tightly to myself, fearing what these people would say about me. They had never been kind to me, in fact that only seemed to make my life more difficult; I feared a repeat of this. Hoping that they would not say anything harsh to me in the presence of Draco. He wrapped his arms around me lovingly, almost in a guesture that he would not allow me them to torment me once again. Draco took my hand and led me towards the stairs and away from the ball as he walked past Pansy she stopped him.

"You aware you could have had all this." She said gesturing to herself. "But you chose her. It's a shame she's so plain. We could have been wonderful together Draco."

"You look more and more like a dragon with each passing day." Draco noted.

"How dare you!" Pansy shrieked.

"That was out of line." Blaise whispered.

"What?" Draco asked.

"You heard me." He replied turning away from Draco.

"She deserves it." Draco replied.

"She doesn't." Blaise replied turning to face Draco, hitting him with the full force of his fist before stalking down the stairs with Pansy.

"Are you okay?" I asked looking at his now swollen and bleeding nose.

"I'll be fine." Draco replied from behind his hands. "I just need to stop the bleeding."

I took him back to the Room of Requirement, where I was able to clear away the blood before performing the healing spell I had researched during the holidays, the spell I had intended to use should Harry, Ron or myself found ourselves in a situation in which we required medical attention but could not seek it. "You need to be careful." I said. "It'll still be tender and susceptible to breakage for a few days."

"Aren't I lucky?" Draco whispered. "I have a beautiful nurse all to myself."

"I wouldn't push your luck if I were you." I replied leaning over him and pressing my lips to his.

"What's the worst that could happen?" He asked.

"I might break your nose again." I said laughing.

"You wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't. But I might not spend the night with you." I threatened.

"Well, I guess I better be on my best behaviour." He replied as I left the room to change from my dress.

I quickly pulled the dress off; it was far easier to remove than put on and placed it aside across my bed. I pulled the pins out of my hair the delicate curls falling around my face; they looked so different, as though I was another person whilst they were part of my hair. I pulled on a singlet and a pair of shorts from within my trunk and wandered over to Draco's room. He had not moved from before, still lying half asleep across his bed. He smiled at me as I crawled across his bed and leant over him pressing my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down atop of him. I did not notice the door opening before it was too late.

Ginny entered the room. "Draco have you seen…" She had begun before stopping. "I'll err… Come back tomorrow…" She said before vanishing quickly.

I rolled off Draco and got to my feet and running out the door after her. "Ginny!" I called just in time to catch her before she entered her room.

"What?" She asked.

"Please… It's not what it looked like."

"I don't care, Hermione. I just think you need to be careful. Don't let him ruin your life."

"Ginny, we're not like…_that." _I cried.

"It certainly looked like it." She replied. "I don't care. I just don't want to see you hurt."

"What did you want to tell me?" I asked.

"Harry's gone again…" She whispered before shutting her door leaving me entirely alone.

I carefully wandered back to Draco's room and crawled back onto his bed. "Is she alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, just freaked out a bit." I replied.

"Perhaps this wasn't a good idea." He whispered.

"Perhaps not." I replied. "But there's no harm in sleeping."

"No, there's no harm in sleeping." He confirmed drawing me close in his arms as I drifted off to sleep, my last thought being why Severus Snape was not present at the Death Eater meeting earlier and as I fell asleep I vowed I would find the answer to this question. Even if it would spark more trouble...

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**Dedicated To: **_My "Secret Boyfriend". He proves that chivalry is not dead._

**Author's Note: **_Oh my gosh! Chapter Sixty already! I'm hoping your loving reading this as much as I'm loving writing it. Don't forget to review; even if I can't reply to them all anymore, I'll answer any questions you may have. The next chapter should be up on the weekend. :)_


	61. When Was The Last Time You Damaged?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty One: When Was The Last Time You Damaged?  
____A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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"_Indifference and neglect often do more damage than outright dislike.__"_

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Sometimes, the choice we make leave something damaged. In their wake pieces falling and crumbling as though the world intended for them to fall this way. It was difficult to say whether this was the way life was supposed to be. Were we destined to live our lives like this? Or were fate and destiny gone completely, instead our lives being ruled by the actions of some. Well, it certainly seemed this way at the very least. It seemed as though my life had become nothing more than a large and grand joke in the eyes of what ever higher power lay beyond, all our lives had. There seemed to be only one individual profiting from the current state, and that was Voldemort. We didn't deserve this, no-one deserved this. The week following the Ball a set of new rules had been introduced to the school, they seemed like the beginning of the end. Not that this was a new feeling anyway, but they seemed to signal the complete loss of freedom for students. The loss of all hope.

I awoke the morning after the ball, lying across Draco's chest to a note stuck to the outside of his bedroom door. I recognised Neville's handwriting, inscribed upon the note were the words: '_Meeting tonight ten o'clock.' _My eyes fell upon the contents of the note. Confused at first as for a brief moment it seemed to make very little sense, that was, until I looked more closely at the image. It was a photograph of Harry, an older photograph from his Fourth Year, taken during the Triwizard Tournament. In bold letters across the image were the words: '_Undesirable Number One' _that made the rest of the poster fall into place, it was not entirely clear, particularly for someone who did not understand that Harry had be relabelled from _The Chosen One _to _Undesirable Number One. _At first I was afraid, for a brief moment I believed they had actually caught him, however that was upon first glance.

A second, closer look at the flyer revealed far more than my first glance had gathered. It read: _"Any individuals with information pertaining to the capture of Undesirable Number One are urged to come forward, a reward is offered to students with information as to his whereabouts. Please speak to your Heads of House if you have any information. The Ministry thanks you for your continuing cooperation. _

_Magic is Might!"_

I laughed upon reading the flyer, they would struggle at locating Harry and Ron, even I had struggled and I knew them well enough to know their styles of magic and their habits. The Ministry would struggle to find any individual other than myself who would know their whereabouts, finding it even more difficult to locate an individual willing to give away their location. I knew one thing for certain; it was not going to be me. That left only Harry and Ron; they were the only two living souls who knew their exact location. What I feared most came with another scribbled note upon the bottom of the flyer, this time it was in Ginny's hand. _'Taboo – Voldemort.' _For a moment I was confused, what ever could _that _mean, however suddenly I realised that this could be the undoing of Harry and Ron, they surely would not have considered a taboo curse. Even I had not. It was clear that this was the latest measure in a long line of restrictions, I was sure that this was one of many rules that we had yet to hear the beginning of.

The week had passed and only a select number of Slytherins had even attempted to hand over any information, information that they had lacked and been punished for attempting to give when it was only false. Those students had been given light sentences; all students in Slytherin seemed to be safe from the torturous punishment handed to other students by the Carrows. For one, I'd never heard of a Slytherin student being hung from the wrists within the dungeons, yet they caused four times as much trouble than any house at the school. They had been the leading cause of ninety percent of the detentions handed out and yet they never seemed to take the blame for such events. Surely this could not go on forever, surely an end to such horrific events would come. Would there ever be an end? I watched as slowly Draco faded off the map. He no longer attended classes, or meals for that matter. He spent every waking hour locked away in the Room of Requirement. Only venturing forth for meetings with Snape and to accompany me on my late night patrols. It was almost as though everyone was prepared to forget his presence, as though each teacher was willing to forget him as long as he remained out of trouble and out of sight. That was, all teachers aside from the Carrows. They had been the reason for his hiding. Following the Ball they had turned on him, clearly as revenge for their own failures.

Draco however, was not the only individual in such a situation. Neville too had faded off the map; however in his case he never left the Room of Requirement. This meant bringing him food, Draco also. It was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. There was only so much food one could carry without arousing suspicion. Ginny, Lavender and Parvarti also helped however it was becoming an increasingly futile effort. We could barely risk it any longer. There was only so far you could go lugging an extra portion of food around without being noticed. The Carrows too seemed to have thought of this. They had clearly reached the conclusion that no-one could survive without food. Food was one of the few exceptions in transfiguration. They could not produce it from nothing. They soon realised that it was being brought to them. Ginny and I had immediately fallen prey to their near constant watch. Efforts to avoid them seemed almost futile. Yet we always managed to slip into the Room of Requirement unnoticed. Luck, thus far had been on our side. Although I imagined it would not do so forever. Each time I looked upon the faces of those involved in Dumbledore's Army, I felt a wave of pity. What exactly had they signed up for? Were we a student organisation that promoted good or were we really just as bad as the Carrows these days?

It seemed as though many of the students had taken it upon themselves to take matters into their own hands. Michael Corner, who I once assumed to be a highly unpleasant individual, had been caught freeing the younger students from the dungeons. He hadn't retuned. There was a point which I believed we'd reached, a point where graffiti and members running amok defined us as a group. It was not my place to step in. I was not voted in as the group leader it fell into Neville's responsibility, but I doubted he would do anything. He seemed to live through the group, living to see them all once a week. Hearing of their latest victories, their triumphs as he saw them against the Carrows, yet neither Ginny nor Draco saw eye to eye with this either. They alike me were of the belief that it had gone too far. Too far, in a way that damaged each member, tarnishing each member's morale and self respect. Even I felt like a worse person for their actions. I'd begged Neville to discourage the graffiti but deep down it felt as though he was leading it. As though everything had changed him, as though he was trying to prove something, something that would only destroy us all if he did so.

Damaging was a single word to describe what these instances had become. Increasingly painful to endure, increasingly damaging to the soul to know that somehow I was connected to them. One day I would have to swallow my pride and step in and do something. I could not allow it to go on forever, or perhaps even another week. That in itself seemed almost bad enough thinking about. Once I would not have been afraid. Yet now I was. As though now that I had everything to lose I had been weakened. Did fear make you weak? Did the thought that you could lose everything you held dear somehow change something within you rendering you incapable of normal thought processes? I wondered if Harry felt fear, I couldn't help but think the worst at times. How did one live knowing that death was a possibility so young? I could barely fathom it, yet at some time I would to. Some day I would be involved in what would be the final battle, the one that would restore order or the one that would break us. I just lived in hope that it would not be the end of the battle that would mean the loss of a friend. A loss I wasn't sure I could cope with.

There was always that awkward and eerie silence that followed a D.A Meeting. When the group was alone and most had gone to bed and only Draco, myself, Ginny and Neville remained in the living room. It was almost as though someone wished to say something yet never could. Finally I'd had enough. I was putting my foot down. "Neville, you have to stop this!" I said sitting up suddenly.

"Stop what?" He replied barely looking up from the book upon his lap.

"You know what." I replied. "Stop it, please?"

"What have I done, Hermione?" He asked, still not looking up.

"Neville, this can't go on. Someone's going to get even more hurt than Michael! We don't even know how he is yet let alone if he's even _alive_!"

"Hermione, stop being unreasonable." He said finally looking up at me.

"I'm not being unreasonable. I'm being realistic. This cannot go on. You cannot allow it to do so."

"Hermione, we're taking a stand. That's the point of Dumbledore's Army. To make a stand against those who seek to destroy us!"

"There's a difference!" I cried standing. "There's a difference between taking a stand, and doing the wrong thing! This isn't what we stand for. We supposed to be helping them learn skills they would otherwise be unaware of, we haven't done anything of that sort in weeks. It's about time we went back to how we were. Sure, recruit numbers are at an all time high. It's not about the numbers…" I paused; I was unsure how long I could continue to argue my case before it became nothing more than me rambling. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked finally.

"I think you're being ridiculous." He replied harshly.

"Neville! You listen to me! You're no better than the Carrows with what you're advocating. It makes none of us any better than they are." I whispered. "I can't be a part of something like this. I can't stand by and watch it hurt other people. People who think they're doing these things for all the right reasons when they don't understand any different. You're doing this to get back at the Carrows; you want to destroy to destroy them for what they have taken away from us… But we can't… Oh, how I wish we could. But we can't."

"They tried to get Gran." He said quietly.

I stoped, Neville's Grandmother was the woman Neville sought so desperately to be approved by, the thought of even losing her to the Death Eaters must have been killing him. "What?" I asked.

"You heard. They tried to get Gran, but she overpowered them and escaped. You say we aren't doing this for the right reasons anymore, what are the right reasons, Hermione? Where do the right reasons begin and where do they end?"

"I can't answer that." I replied. "I barely know myself anymore. I'd like to think that I do, but perhaps I don't."

"Then we are in the same boat." He replied standing. "And I thought that Hannah not speaking to me was the worst feeling in the world. I was wrong." He whispered as he walked to his room. "It's knowing that the only one you have left isn't safe." He said as he closed his door.

I turned to Draco; there was a blankness in his expression. Neville's words made me realise that perhaps there were more people as damaged as I was, each in their own varying degrees. Not damaged in its real sense, but lost and broken. Many had been torn from everything they knew, and there was not a thing the world I could do to stop it from happening again. It would continue to happen, the pain, the loss, the damage, it would all continue until this war ended…

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**Dedicated To: **_My Noob. (Fully alive more than most, ready to smile… Love life)_

**Author's Note: **_A bit of a turn occurring now. The countdown to graduation begins… Reviews are loved._

"_**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, back to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts it's all that I love and all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!" – A Very Potter Musical. **_


	62. When Was The Last Time You Saved?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Two: When Was The Last Time You Saved  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.

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**

"_Say it for me, say it to me,  
__And I'll leave this life behind me,  
__Say it if it's worth saving me."_

_

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Saving someone we love is often a difficult task, a task that requires immense concentration and effort. I could not imagine myself in a situation that required such concentration until several years ago. When the logic puzzle Dumbledore had written would either save or kill Harry. It was at that moment I realised our decisions could have larger implications than we ourselves realised. It was at that moment I had to let go of my fear of failure and trust my instincts, trust that I was doing the right thing and would not fail. I had to trust that I was right, as I was not the only person relying upon the answer I gave to be correct. You could say that was one of the life changing moments I had faced. One of those moments which shaped who I would become, changing me in more ways than one. These moments of course were rare, but they occurred, they were moments in which I myself wanted to give in and admit defeat yet I pushed through. Those moments fear that dwelled in my heart threatened to destroy all, yet I would not allow it to. It was these moments many would say that made you a Gryffindor, those moments where bravery would take over and define a person. Revealing them to be the person they truly were.

I had often had my doubts, doubts that I did not belong in Gryffindor, of course nearly everyone did. Except perhaps people like Ron or Draco, who it only seemed natural to belong within their given house for due to their family connections with the house. Yet for those such as myself who at time seemed to lean more towards embodying the attributes of another House it was more a balance of knowing who you were in this world and what your place truly was. Was my place within Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Was my place among the muggles as many had suggested before. Or was my place with Harry and Ron, silently and courageously battling on to lead to a conclusion of this war. It was difficult to determine where one's place was in a world such as this. Or if your place merited a title at all determining whether you were to be perceived in a positive or negative light by the community. I'd noticed recently that it had become custom for the entire Slytherin House student body aside from one, to refer to me as 'filthy mudblood' of course, in the presence of a teacher aside from the Carrows they would be corrected. Yet it still hurt nevertheless, a wound reopening each and every time they said it reminding me of a time I used to care.

Now, although the word meant hardly anything to me, aside from being crude and harsh it only served as a reminder of how the one I now loved had hurt me. I could remember the day Ron had tried to protect me, ending up throwing up a large number of slugs. As horrible as it was to think that Draco had called me these horrible things more than once it hurt almost as much to think that he had willingly done so. It was a pain never quite left, one that lingered somewhere within our relationship as though never mentioned was accepted as being apart of our pasts. Those parts of ourselves that we rarely brought into the open. Yet in small doses I saw the person Draco once was, although nowhere near half as cruel or openly unsubtle it lingered below the surface almost as though he was waiting for a moment in which to unleash it upon. I feared that day, that day when I would see the boy I detested, that boy who had almost no idea of common courtesy or general sense. I feared that the Draco I had come to love would not be able to come back from such a shattering change in his attitude and as the days past more rapidly I feared that that moment was drawing nearer.

Everyone seemed to be growing edgy as the final exams drew nearer. Mostly the N.E.W.T.S students and the O.W.L.S students but it was as though the tension in the air had brought almost everyone to boiling point. We did not need excess tension in the air, yet it seemed as though every Quidditch game against Slytherin turned into a blood bath, many of the students ending up in the Hospital Wing with horrific injuries the result of some rather unfair play on the Slytherin's part. Draco and I often ventured down into the stands to watch the other students competing, Draco would watch with a longing in his eyes the pain of losing one of the few things he had left to love about this world too much to bear most of the time. Ginny was proving to be a highly formidable foe upon the Quidditch pitch; she was capable of more than she seemed to be, particularly when it came to knocking others unconscious. It was clear to see where her rage was being channelled.

My rage was being thrown in it's entirety into my revision for exams, it was almost difficult to believe that they were less than three months away and I had yet to even begin my revision. It almost hurt to think about how I had neglected my revision. Draco and Neville seemed to share some form of private joke about my study patterns, they would spend large amounts of their time laughing when in my presence particularly while I was deep within studying mindset. Scrolls of parchment would spread across the table as though no-one else was within site and my bag had become so heavy with books that even Draco had stoped offering to carry it whenever he decided to follow me somewhere. It was late in the afternoon one day that we were both called to Professor McGonagall's office. We, that is to say Draco and I collectively had not been called to see her since our first meeting that evening at the beginning of school when we pledged our participation to her cause. I however I spoke to her frequently during classes with no-one else to talk to she seemed to pity me and make a point of walking along past my desk at least twice as often as anyone else.

Her office was well lit, probably one of the lightest rooms in the entire castle these days. A large tartan patterned container sat upon her desk, open and several biscuits scattered across her desk as though there was not enough room within the tin for all the ginger newts. I walked forward towards her desk which she sat behind and took a seat opposite her. She motioned at me to take a biscuit and I did so shovelling it within my mouth, I had not eaten all day too busy studying. She surveyed me and my bag with curiosity. She had a faint smile upon her lips, a faint smile no-one rarely saw upon the lips of Minerva McGonagall. She opened her mouth to speak but instead opted to take another biscuit from atop her desk and bite into it quietly. We waited for several minutes in quiet silence each taking several more ginger newts before Draco appeared in the doorway, however he was not alone. Behind him was Neville, both were looking about anxiously as though they had something to fear or be on edge about. I looked at Draco curiously his clothes seemed a little ruffled to be normal. His appearance was generally on the whole impeccable and flawless. To see a crease in his clothes was almost as rare as seeing Harry these days.

As he took his seat I noticed the hole that had been torn into his cloak, Neville too know that I looked more closely appeared slightly more ruffled than usual. Not in a good way either. I shot Neville a look I hoped would convey the wait behind after the meeting, 'We need to talk' look, although judging by what was either a guilty look or a look of confusion I doubted he wished to stick around for long after the meeting was completed. He sat slouched in his seat with his hands in his pockets; his expression was hard to read, after several moments of silent observation I concluded that he was guilty of something, but what of I was yet to find out. I turned my attention to Professor McGonagall who too seemed to be surveying the boys as though she too could see something had gone awry on their passage to the meeting from what she assumed where their normal classes. I for one could not fathom how they found travel between The Room of Requirement and her office.

"Thank you for join us Mr Longbottom and Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger, thank you for your attendance."

"What is this meeting concerning, Professor?" Neville asked quietly, sounding more like the shy boy I remembered from years ago.

"This meeting is concerning your class attendance, Mr Malfoy's also. It has come to my attention that _neither _of you are attending classes and that _none _of you are currently using your dormitories at night. This is an obvious concern to the staff and may I point out the fact that all three of you are lucky that the students concerned about all three of you and several others spoke to me and _not _the Carrows." She said her lips now pursed. "I cannot begin to fathom what exactly you are doing, or where it is you and the other students in question are sleeping at night without drawing the attention of anyone else. However I ask, though it may not be something you enjoy you attend classes in the very least. I would also prefer to know where it is that you reside at night, considering I may need to come looking for you one evening, noticing the concern upon our faces she turned and pointed her wand at the door, it snapping shut with a resounding thud.

I looked at Neville and Draco before speaking. "We are in the Room of Requirement. We shall alter the requirements this evening when we return to ensure that you are able to access it if need be. All you need think is that you are looking for a place you can hide from the Carrows."

"Very well Miss Granger. Now we have sorted one of the two matters on our plates currently, the second involves Mr Malfoy's and Mr Longbottom's lack of attendance to classes. I myself was appalled to hear of this, what would your grandmother say Mr Longbottom? She would surely be highly unimpressed and you, Mr Malfoy, as Head Boy are supposed to set an example for the younger students, not encourage poor behaviour. I expect both of you to resume classes immediately, and do not let me hear of another instance of this, or so help me… I'll… I'll… I'll be forced to hand you over to the Carrows…" She replied, barely able to complete her threat.

Draco's jaw dropped, even the suggestion of being handed over to the Carrows seemed all too much for him. "I don't understand Professor, how is it that I am to attend classes if they pose more threat than not attending them?" He asked almost rudely.

"I shall not hear another word of this." She replied shutting her biscuit tin lid carefully. "I'm sorry, to all three of you but these matters must be dealt with before they are allowed to get out of hand. As punishment for your actions, it is only fair that fifty points shall be taken from each of your House's respectively. Yes, Miss Granger, even you."

"Professor, what exactly is it that I have done?" I asked.

"Please, don't make this difficult, Miss Granger. This is difficult enough as it is. You are supposed to sleep within the dormitories allocated to you, however now that I am aware of the situation I can ensure no other becomes aware of your location." She sighed. "Please don't force me to hand you over to the Carrows. I cannot bare the thought of allowing a student to be treated as such."

"I shall not give you a reason to." I replied. "None of us shall." I added glaring at Draco and Neville.

"Yeah." Draco and Neville added in unison.

"I'll have to ask you to leave now; I have a meeting with several students caught out of bounds last evening. So if you shall show yourselves out that would be quite useful…" She added.

It seemed as though despite her subtlety we could take the hint, she wanted us to leave and quickly. Draco, Neville and I walked silently and quickly from the office, rounding a nearby corner to avoid running headlong into her next appointment. Neville made a move to escape the second we rounded the corner, opting to attempt to duck down another nearby corridor. I however managed to grab the back of his robes before he could get very far and pulled him backwards, causing him to collide with Draco on my right.

"What is your problem?" He cried.

"What is yours?" I asked. "What are both of your problems? Don't pretend otherwise, I can see the state of your robes, I know something is up."

"What are you talking about?" Neville replied.

"Don't give me that." I replied. "You've clearly been fighting, but not against one another. Others." I replied. "You wouldn't fight against one another."

"You are correct." Draco replied. "It was for a good cause if that is in our defence."

"No, nothing justifies fighting!" I replied. "Nothing!"

"Hermione, relax, no-one got hurt." Neville replied.

"That's once again beside the point!" I cried. "It's the fact that you willingly engaged in a duel or fight that bothers me."

"Hermione, relax." Draco soothed.

"No I will not relax!" I replied. "I can't even imagine what you're going to tell me next… That you destroyed something, that you are selling Firewhiskey to younger students? Please don't tell me any of those things, please?"

"I'm not. I was going to tell you that Draco hit Ernie McMillian for making a rather rude remark about Hannah, however clearly that is beside the point." Neville replied.

"What is wrong with you? I wish you'd just go back to the way you were, without the fighting and the nonsense, the Neville who was brave at heart and everyone knew it. A Neville that didn't need to prove anything to anyone. I hardly recognise you anymore." I turned on Draco, pointing a finger at him. "Don't even get me started on you."

"War changes _everything! Everything! _Hermione, no-one comes out the same from war, it changes you. It changes me, hell, it even changed _him!" _He cried pointing at Draco.

Draco backed away slightly, almost as though he feared Neville lashing out and attacking him. "Don't say things like that! Stop before you say something you regret! I changed by choice, you know that!"

"Don't you get it Hermione, he's _using _you! Hell, he's using _all _of us. We're willing to protect him and trust him and all he does is make it difficult for us, what's next Draco? Going to turn us in to the Death Eaters?"

"_Draco_?" I cried, losing my voice as though something had sucked away every breath of air I could take in. "_What's he taking about_!"

"We trusted you!" Neville cried leaping forward and pushing Draco to the ground. "Now look what you've done!"

"Stop it!" I screamed attempting to pry Neville's hands from around Draco's throat. "For goodness sake Neville! Let go!" I screamed pulling out my wand pointing it between the two. "_Protego_!" I shouted, a large invisible barrier knocking Neville away from Draco.

"Draco what's he talking about!" I cried. "Why is he saying these things!"

"I don't know!" Draco cried. "Hermione, you have to believe me I never did _anything_! I would _never _do anything to hurt you."

"Aren't you going to tell her about you little trips out of the castle Draco? Not going to tell her about those meetings you have weekly with Snape! Merlin's beard Hermione, he's a filthy traitor and we trusted him!"

"Draco?" I asked my voice cracking. "Is this true? Are these things he's saying true?" I asked using every ounce of strength I had left, the tears leaking from my eyes.

"No… I… I can explain!" He cried.

"Are we supposed to believe you, Draco?" Neville asked. "Are we supposed to believe a Death Eater?"

"I'm not a Death Eater anymore! Hermione you know that! Why are you listening to him? Listen to me! Believe me!"

"Draco… I can't… How do I know you're not lying?"

"Remember, remember when I told you I loved you, remember Hermione, please! Remember I told you that I would never let anything hurt you or lie to you! Please! Please believe me!" He begged.

"You were lying to me… All along… You told me that you'd never serve Snape again… But… But you lied to me… What else were you lying about?" I asked. "Were you lying when you told me you loved me? Were you lying when you said you were no longer a Death Eater?"

"Hermione, you saw me destroy the Dark Mark. You saw me ripping it from my skin… How could I be lying?"

"Your actions say differently, Draco… Your actions prove just how much trust I shouldn't have placed in you."

"Hermione, please…" He begged taking my hand. "Please?"

"No." I cried wrenching my hand from his. "Don't touch me! Just leave me alone!"

"Hermione?" Draco asked.

"No, Draco just leave me alone and you." I hissed at Neville. "I hope you're happy! You've ruined everything!" I cried as I stalked away from the pair, separated by the invisible shield I had placed between them.

As I reached my room I slammed my door, and curled up at the foot of my bed my head resting upon my knees. I wrenched the large ruby ring Draco had given me for Christmas off my finger and threw it against the wall with as much force as I could manage and allowed the tears to pour from my eyes. As I silently cried I realised that despite all the effort, despite how much you wanted to, sometimes as hard as we tried, we were too late to save the one's we loved.

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**Dedicated To: **_My Wizardly Apprentice. You saved me from the boredom I would have endured in maths. I'm glad you switched schools and made your way into my class. I wouldn't have the great friend I do if you had not!_

**Author's Note: **_I'm back, I'm sorry for the absence without mentioning it. I got so caught up in exam study and exams, I also caught a bad flu in between it all and I just forgot entirely! Of course, interestingly I'm back and I'll have a lot more time on my hands now as I have one less subject to worry about! Note it's the return of the disappearing disclaimer, just thought it would be a good point to bring it up again… Don't forget to leave a review we are so close to 200 now, it's almost tear worthy! Perhaps we can make it there by next week?_

_Songs of the chapter: _

_**Savin' Me covered by Meghan Tonjes (Originally by Nickleback)**_

_**Transatlanticism – Death Cab For Cutie**_


	63. When Was The Last Time You Guarded?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Three: When Was The Last Time You Guarded?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.

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**

"_Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."

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_Had I truly learnt my lesson? _Was I ready to let go of everything I had held onto most dearly. The fight with Draco and Neville seemed to have shaken my faith in everything I believed so strongly in. Almost as though the harsh brutality words could carry could change everything in just a matter of minutes. Destroying, shaping and changing my life in their wake. It's hard to say what hurt more, the fact that Draco had lied to me, or the fact that he was a traitor. Both struck me like two stabs wounds to my chest causing two bloody wounds that just could not heal but would continue to weep. It was hard to say whether I'd be able to trust him ever again, but part of me wished I could. Oh, how that part of me wished it could. It hurt to think that I'd convinced myself that he had changed. I had convinced myself that he was not as horrible as others painted him. Now, I just didn't know to believe about the one I loved. My thoughts and feelings had been thrown into question in a matter of moments and I just didn't know to cope.

I had emerged from my room, forgetting about the ring entirely. For a brief moment my eyes glanced upon my bare finger and my heart sunk. The weight the ring carried upon my finger seemed to take away every chance I had of feeling half decent today along with it as I threw it so unceremoniously across the room. I felt empty within almost as though that ring was my connection to Draco and I had thrown it away. I held strong, I would not retrieve it from the ground, it was symbolic for my anger at he'd done. Picking it up and placing it on my finger would be giving in. I slung my bag over my shoulder and held my head high as I walked to Great Hall. _Alone. _As I took my seat I received several glances from others upon the Gryffindor table, however a large number of eyes seemed to be upon the Slytherin table. Sitting alone, distanced from the other members of the house was Draco. He was sitting alone eating in the furthest corner of the table a book open in front of him. Of course, he wouldn't be reading, he would be using it as an excuse to avoid looking at anyone.

I felt a stabbing pain in my chest, just seeing him like that was enough to hurt beyond anything I had imagined. I felt almost compelled to sit beside him, but I reminded myself what he had done and I was immediately stopped from doing so. It may have taken all my self control. I chewed my dry toast before grabbing an apple for later from atop the table. I wandered down the corridor to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, anxious and nervous, not for myself. But for Draco, would they target him now that he was no longer able to hide? I was worried, worried beyond belief yet there was not a thing I could do. I grasped my bag tightly within my arms, the way you would if you feared losing it within a crowd. I clutched my bag to my chest for comfort as though I feared losing myself. Was that possible to lose yourself from fear? Sure, you could lose your mind, but could you lose everything that you made you who you are? Was that even possible?

The door opened and I walked into the classroom taking my usual seat. The seat I had held from the very first lesson of the year. I noticed Draco walking in and sitting in front of me, that vacant seat just slightly to the right being filled. Suddenly the room seemed so much more overwhelming. As though his presence changed the very air of the classroom it suddenly became as ice, my breath turning into a foggy gas before my eyes. My eyes snapped open, from the corner of my eye I could see Draco taking his seat, however the classroom this time seemed no different. In fact, my imagination had gotten the better of me once again. I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair, hoping that it would somehow relieve the tension I now felt. I had long given up questioning everything that happened to me, it wasn't worth it anymore. If I questioned every aspect of every single event of my life I'd no time for studying, now that would be a serious problem.

I took out my books and sat them to my side. Ready to begin with but a moments notice. Professor Carrow walked in. His eyes falling directly upon Draco within seconds of him taking his place behind his desk. I watched, watched as a wry smile broke across his face. I shuddered inwardly, Professor Carrow's smile showed only malice. I suddenly felt a surge of anger, I was angry that this man could look at Draco like _that. _I was angry that it was practically an open invitation to torture. I was angry that it could be allowed to continue in this school, in this age. How could anything like be allowed? It was, that was the answer. It was allowed and was not questioned and that just was the way it was. The way it was the reasoning behind many hideous crimes these days, was it fair to accept the torture of Muggleborns because they were simply born into a family of non-magical parents. Where was the justice in that? I certainly could not see it. Was it fair to accept that these crimes were just a part of the world I was to grow up into?

I clenched my fists upon the edge of the desk nervously as I watched Professor Carrow examining the class as he would each lesson. I felt obliged if not compelled to protect him, although I was well aware of the fact that he could protect himself. However that look of malice in Alecto Carrow's eyes seemed to inspire fear in my heart in ways I could not have imagined. No matter how much I wished to detest Draco for lying to me. No matter how much I wanted to pretend that I had never let him into my life I could not when all I could think of was the prospect that he could be hurt. I sat back a little, attempting to lessen the cramping in my shoulders caused by the strange hunched position I sat within. It was not comfortable however I could not let my guard down. If there was so much as an inkling of a suggestion that he may be hurt I had to do something, _anything _really. Although even in my mind this sounded horrifically stupid and perhaps even a little over the top.

"Mr Malfoy, would you care to join me?" Professor Carrow asked calmly strolling into the centre of the room.

Draco did not speak; he merely stood and walked quietly and calmly to the centre of the room. He stood silently as Professor Carrow begun to speak about the effects of the Imperious Curse. I blanked out entirely, Draco was looking directly at me and I was looking directly at him. Almost as though wordlessly he was trying to tell me something, he looked almost apologetic. As though he was trying to convey something that could only be expressed with words and not merely in a single look formed in moments of utter desperation. Was it even possible to convey such a message without words? I wondered to myself as I continued to look into his grey eyes. There was nothing in them, lifelessness. Almost as though everything had been torn away from him and he had very little else to lose. I was not going to let him fall victim to the Carrows. I would not stand by and let the one person who had stood up for me fall into one of their vicious little traps.

"Now, today Draco is going to demonstrate for us the power of the imperious curse, however he will show us what it is capable of." Professor Carrow began drawing out his wand. "I will use the curse upon him in order to give but only a small sample of the wonders this curse enables us to perform. Are there any objections?" He hissed directly at me.

"Yes." I said standing. "I object to the use of the curse upon Draco."

"Is that so, perhaps you can suggest another on whom to demonstrate?"

"Myself, I would rather he remain well enough to finish the school year. Particularly after his, extended illness I suppose you could say." I said.

"It's like losing a sickle and finding a galleon, as the old saying goes." Spat Draco to Professor Carrow.

"Indeed." He replied. "Mr Malfoy, take you seat. Granger. Down here." He said merely pointing at the place Draco had stood moments ago.

As I passed Draco he pressed something into my hand. I glanced down, it was the ring. How had he come to be in possession of it? I wondered. I carefully slipped the ring onto my finger. Knowing that I was going to require the supposed protection it gave the wearer. I felt whole again as the ring took it's place upon my hand. Almost as though it's absence had caused this mess in the very first place. I wasn't going to doubt that, the chances of it after all were quite high. I had no reason to doubt that the ring actually worked, after since the day I started wearing it nothing horrific had happened to me. Sure, the occasional instance of poor luck had occurred, but nothing dreadful as of yet. It was time to for it's greatest test. A test that could destroy me and everything I had ever lived for.

"Imperio." That was the only word I heard echo through my mind as everything went blank.

I existed alone in my own world. The darkness my only company. There was not a single speck of light. It was as dark as the inside of the cave my parents and I had visited while holidaying when I was young. I placed my hands in front of me, attempting to grope through the darkness for anything, something to prove I was not entirely alone in this darkness. I tripped finding myself on the ground; however it was not a sickening thud as I was expecting. I was rather, floating in the air, as though gravity had been rendered entirely pointless in this place suddenly. I heard a voice, a loud commanding voice speak to me. '_Jump_!' It commanded. I felt myself soar through the air as I never had before, my body reacting to the voice as though it were my nerves controlling my actions. '_Stop_!' It commanded clearly, my body stopping immediately. '_Walk forward._' It asked my body responding. I felt a sharp pain in my upper thigh, strange that pain felt familiar but I could not place it.

My eyes suddenly opened, light flooding into them, blinding me momentarily. I was lying upon the stone classroom floor grasping my leg, to be particular my upper thigh. There was an overturned table before me. I was overwhelmed with the sensation of having lost hours of my life. What may have only been several moments seemed like hours. I stumbled to my seat; perhaps a more apt word would be crawled. The truth was I could barely walk. Yet I tried my best. I sat down, only to find the bell ringing to dismiss the class. Luckily, I had one of my few study periods. I was able to recover from this before the next class, or I thought it would be possible. As the class filed out of the room Draco walked up to my desk and took my bag and books.

"Thank you. You needn't have done that." He said softly.

"You did for me."

"That's different." He replied.

"No it's not…" I replied. "You do that for the people you lo…"

There was a silence. "You can finish the statement if you wish." He whispered.

"I can't." I replied. "I don't want to be hurt again."

"Let down your guard if even for a moment." He whispered. "You guard your heart with greater defence than that which surrounds these walls. You have no reason to."

"I don't know why I guard it so strongly that half the time I barely want to let anyone in." I whispered.

"You guard your heart because it is the last thing you have left to guard." He replied taking my hand.

"I can't do this." I replied dropping his hand.

"You need time. But one day, one day you'll understand that this was all for you. That I was guarding you."

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**Dedicated To: **_My Noob. You know why. _

**Author's Note: **_Okay, I apologise for the lateness, you would not believe my workload it's phenomenal. However, the sad news is I'm away for the next two weeks, the good news. I'll be aiming for a five chapter update when I return. So, keep up the reviews! We're so close to 200! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed thus far!_

Song:** All The Same – Sick Puppies**


	64. When Was The Last Time You Enjoyed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Four: When Was The Last Time You Enjoyed Life?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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"_Living__in the__moment__, yesterday is farther away than it used to be. And, so is tomorrow. They both matter less.__"

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_It was as if the darkness was consuming my surroundings. Glancing upwards I noticed that the moon had been entirely blocked out by the dark clouds above us. Peeking just through the through the clouds were small specks of light from the stars above. I glanced around nervously, that was, until I realised I was lying upon the ground. I attempted to move my arms, to move my legs but I could not. I was entirely paralysed. The pain was sickening. I attempted to roll over, yet found I could not. My body failing to respond to any of my thoughts. I was entirely alone in this place. Scared. Alone and dying. I could feel it in my body. There was little time left for me here. I felt sick to my stomach each time I attempted to move any of my limbs, all I could feel was sickening pain. I was worried. That wasn't normal was it? I was no longer sure of what was normal and what was not. Almost as though I'd lost all sense of time and self in this place. How long had I been here? How had I even come to be here in the first place? So many questions and so very few answers. _

_I continued to lay there, a single tear falling from my eye as I continued to lie flat against the ground. I twitched my fingers, able to feel the leaves beneath my hands. I gathered that I was in the forbidden forest. How had I come to be here? Why was I in the forest in the first place? I heard a faint voice calling my name, in desperation I attempted to respond to the voice. But all I could hear was a gurgling sound as the warm, salty taste of blood filled my mouth. It was too late for me now. There was no way I could have been saved even if I was found. There was clearly far too much damage to my body for it to be easily resolved. I craned my neck backwards in order to catch a glimpse of the person searching for me. My small movement seemed to have caught his eye. I would not die alone tonight. I looked up at the figure above me as he pulled back his hood. It was Draco. There were tears in his eyes as he looked down at my body. _

"_Is it that… bad?" I managed to ask quietly._

_He nodded. "Unfortunately." He whispered cradling my head in his lap. _

"_Can… it… be… fixed?" I asked._

"_No… It's too late." He replied honestly, the heartbreak in his voice tearing at my insides. _

"_I'm… sorry…" I whispered. "I… love… you…"_

"_I love you too, Hermione." He replied kissing me gently._

"_Draco, step away from her." A cold voice called. _

"_I can't, she's dying." Draco called, tears falling from his eyes. "Please, let me say goodbye."_

"_Draco, you heard your Master. Step away from her. I'll finish her off." A female voice cackled. I recognised the voice as that of Bellatrix Lestrange. _

"_Draco…" I whimpered. "Please… don't."_

"_I'm not going to leave you…" He whispered. _

"_Draco. Get up!" Bellatrix hissed. _

"_Kill him." Ordered the cold voice. _

"_Avada Kedavra!" Bellatrix screamed, a flash of green light streaking through the air hitting Draco squarely in the chest. _

_I tried to scream as Draco fell limp beside me, his face directly beside mine, I craned my neck to glance at the boy I loved. I had spent the last few weeks avoiding him, now he lay dead beside me. What had I done? What had he done to deserve this? I wished I could move. Oh how I wished I could move just a single hand to grasp one of his lifeless hands. As much as I tried, I could not. I heard a slight ruffling above me. I turned my head upwards to face the figure standing over me. _

"_It's over, Hermione Granger." Lord Voldemort hissed. "They're all dead." _

It was with those words that I woke up screaming. Not just your average everyday screaming, the type that chilled anyone who heard it right to the bone. A scream that embodied the absolute fear of the person expressing it, a scream that would scare anyone who heard it. I clutched my shirt desperately, as if attempting to restart my heart or at least to prove that I was still alive. For a moment I wished I was not alone, but safe and warm in Draco's arms. I had not had such a horrifying dream since Christmas. Since the moment Draco had given me the ring. Was it to blame for stopping these horrifying dreams I found myself having each night? I lay there for a moment trying to take in my surroundings. I could hear the soft snoring of Lavender from the opposite side of the room. Ginny was standing beside me her wand in hand.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Another nightmare." I replied.

"It's usually Lavender." Ginny noted.

"I know. They're getting worse. Ever since I took the ring off I've been having them." I replied sitting up. "What time is it?"

"Eight. The game starts in an hour, I suggest you get up." She said, I noticed she was already in her robes.

I got to my feet opening the door to the large room Ginny, Lavender, Parvarti, Hannah and myself shared and padded across the room that Draco, Neville, Seamus, Collin and Denis were sharing. Tapping loudly on the door I told them all to get up. I heard slight movement inside, although it did not sound overly promising. Giving up I wandered back into the room I now shared and changed into the yellow dress I found atop my clothing pile. I grabbed the banner we had made last night and wandered down to the Great Hall for breakfast with Ginny. Who was chatting away rapidly, most likely due to nerves of some sort. I guess being the person who stood between victory and losing was quite a difficult cross to bear, however Ginny seemed to be able to handle the requirements of the role. After breakfast Neville, Seamus, Draco and I made our way down to the Quidditch Pitch. Today was the day many of the students had been waiting for - the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup.

Quidditch had never really excited me. That was a truthful fact from my life that I had been aware of right from the very first time I had attempting to fly upon a broomstick until this very moment where I sat beside Neville and Draco waiting for the Quidditch Cup Final to begin. Even from our seats it was clear that Ginny was nervous, she grasped the handle of her broomstick tightly, her smile clearly showing how nervous she was to those of us who knew her best. To others it was a confident smile, a happy smile. A reminder of how much she looked forward to this moment. It was difficult to pretend that everything was fine in the world, that a game that once brought everyone so much joy such as Quidditch could still exist. That it could still continue even though it seemed to be the first event I would consider cancelling in the current climate. Although, perhaps that was my own personal opinion affecting my views on Quidditch. I realised, that I was no longer a horrific flyer, I was alright. Not brilliant but I could now fly if I had to. Draco had taught me as much. I missed those long lessons and even now, glancing into Draco's eyes I could see hwo very much he longed to be down there with the Slytherin team lining up for the beginning of the match.

I looked down upon pitch, the two teams stood opposite one another. There was a clear disdain in the way the Slytherin team glared at the Gryffindor team. I watched as Ginny walked along the row of players, carefully instructing them, just as I had seen Harry do so many times. She glanced up at us; we were seated just above the Gryffindor crowd, near to the top row of seating. In front of us it seemed as though every Gryffindor student had dragged themselves down into the stadium to support our team in their final bid for victory. I too raised my hands in the air and cheered as the commentator called out their names individually. It was a shame; I no longer recognised the commentator's voice and could not determine their identity. There was a particularly loud cheer for Ginny as her name was called. She threw her hands into the air confidentially as she took her place on her broom. The commentator proceeded to call the names of the entire Slytherin team once the cheering had settled down enough for his voice to be heard n the stadium. Draco remained silent through the proceedings; his hands remained in his lap. For a moment I wished he would take my hand in his, however he didn't move. There was still a strangeness between us. A bridge that we had yet to cross after the fight. Although, on the outside to anyone else it seemed as though nothing had changed.

The entire crowd held their breath in anticipation as the Snitch was released, closely followed by the Quaffle and the Bludgers. It was at that moment the game begun with absolute ferocity. Within the first minute one of the Slytherin beaters, by the looks of it Crabbe was being carried off the pitch in a horrid state, this was a direct result of his inability to hit the bludger before it hit him directly in the face. I almost pitied him, no-one deserved that sort of pain. I watched as the game wore on, more and more students being carried off the pitch with bludger induced wounds, many of them returning minutes later with bandages wrapped around the affected areas. Several hours later the cheering continued to grow, I was astounded that despite the time that had passed the cheering had only grown. Actually glancing across the crowd it seemed as though it had only grown. As if as the hours passed the people only seemed to find more reason to file into the stadium. I could hardly believe such a phenomenon. In general I could not quite grasp the idea of Quidditch. I just preferred to enjoy the time outside rather than the game itself.

Then it happened. Ginny had risen above the entire game her hand outstretched. The Slytherin seeker was speeding towards her but she was already too far ahead. For a brief moment the entire stadium stopped cheering and held their breath. I too found myself holding my breath as she continued to follow what could be only the snitch. Suddenly she dropped from the sky, diving towards the fast approaching ground. I found myself screaming at her to stop, to think of herself. With less than ten meters space between the front of her broom and the ground she pulled upwards, her broom just gliding along the surface of the perfectly manicured pitch. In her hand she grasped the small, struggling golden snitch. I was on my feet within an instant cheering along with the hundreds of Gryffindor supporters in front of me. I turned to Neville throwing myself into his arms, lost entirely in the moment. He turned to Seamus and was screaming and jumping up and down. I could not help but smile witnessing the joy this victory brought to house as a whole. I imagined the amount of partying that would take place tonight.

For the first time in days I felt a smile breaking across my face. As Ginny held the shinning Quidditch Cup above her head I could not help but cheer loudly along with the entire Gryffindor study body. It was almost as though the Cup represented hope for us as a house. If that is all it took to unite us I was all for it. I found myself climbing across the barrier at the base of the stairs after the others in my house who had already done so onto the pitch and ran to greet and congratulate our victorious team. It was our first overall victory without any help from Harry in my entire time at Hogwarts and although for a moment it hurt a little to think of the how much Harry would have enjoyed this if he were here with us. However he wasn't. I was not about to let that stop us from celebrating the victory as we should. I found myself hugging Ginny as she celebrated the victory with the rest of the team. I looked across the pitch to Draco who stood at the opposite side of the crowd in the centre of the stadium. He was smiling at me, I found myself smiling back at him as I ran towards him throwing myself into his arms and kissing him gently. Enjoying every last moment of it.

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**Dedicated To: **_Jackleigh. I hope your day has been cuteee. (The spelling mistake is intentional.)_

**Author's Note: **_Update One of Five. (Sorry it's so late, extended holiday and internet related problems)_


	65. When Was The Last Time You Joked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Five: When Was The Last Time You Joked?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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"_The aim of a__joke__is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded"

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**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.

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It was one of those rare days that the sun managed to provide some form of warmth. It was also one of the few days we had been allowed to venture into Hogsmeade and for the first time Draco would not be with me, in fact I would be spending the day in the company of Ginny, Fred and George who had decided to meet us for the day. In all honestly, I was craving a break, no time was better. We were less than six weeks out from exams and I was already stressed beyond belief. Draco, would be spending the day in the presence of Professor McGonagall, attempting to catch up the large amount of the Transfiguration course that he had missed, not only this but for each other class he was taking he had to give up entire days in order to receive instruction in the course work he had missed. I not only pitied Draco, but the teachers who so kindly offered their own time for him. Although, it seemed as though many of them were doing almost anything they could to oppose the Carrows indirectly.

It seemed as though almost anyone would be willing to oppose the Carrows indirectly. Not too many students or teachers were willing to oppose them openly. By the time he was able to find his way back to the Room of Requirement he was too tired to study he simply crawled straight into bed. I missed the long hours we used to spend together; those seemed like a distant daydream now. Amidst the mess of exams, and constant work on Draco's part it seemed as though our lives barely had time for one another anymore. Although, personally, I was simply happy to be with him once again, I was miserable without him. Although there were other trust issues there was no denying there was that unspoken agreement that it could wait for later, that discussion, that talk that would make or break us as a couple. I admit that I did not wish to have the conversation, but it nagged at the back of my mind, whispering in my ear hoping for that moment when my anger and frustration could be expressed and the answers I desired to hear may be given. I doubted I'd get those answers, perhaps more dodging of them than anything else. I expected there to be secrets, there were things I could_ never _tell Draco such as the location of Harry and Ron. In fact, I myself more than often was not privileged with such information.

I had told him about my parents, the shameful thing I had done. Sometimes I regretted or had second thoughts about telling him. What if he was cornered by his parents and tortured for the information. However, it seemed likely that that could be almost anyone, myself included. Therefore my worries were rendered near pointless by the number of people who knew this information, Ron, Harry, Ginny, Neville, Draco, Luna, Lavender and myself. The list left quite a large possibility that it would not be Draco's fault should the information be leaked to the Death Eaters. In fact, there was more a chance that Luna would be the person most at risk of handing the information over. No-one had heard from her since Christmas. It had placed us all on edge, it was difficult to think of Luna as locked away in a dank dungeon somewhere, her spirit was too carefree to even imagine such a situation. I could not imagine her being tortured, or even being imprisoned. It just was not a thought one wished to associate with Luna Lovegood, the girl who believed in the impossible, who swatted wrackspurts from the air, the very same girl who wore radish earrings.

I did not wish to think of the horrid things they did to her and to anyone else they had held captive. Often I imagined her safe at home with her father, yet it was clear she was not. She would have returned to Hogwarts under the compulsory tuition regulations. I knew she was still being held captive, but alive or, I hated to think it, dead she was still captive.

I could not wait for that day that I would see her alive, her long blond hair and radish earrings signalling that this world was at peace once again, the world did not seem peaceful or at ease without them. In fact without them the world had slowly been converted into nothing more than a torturous death trap, one it seemed we had very little hope of escaping. The days drew shorter, more rapidly approaching our ever-nearing Graduation. I wondered if time could stop for just a few brief days, allowing me to tie up every loose end I had left to tie, those people I had to thank, those I had to apologise to. There was so much I had left to do, and so very little time left to do it all in. The week fast approached that graduation would be upon us; the only thing in our way was exams.

It felt as though I had not slept in weeks, the continuous revision that took place all day, every day was beginning to creep upon me. My eyes begun to droop constantly, their bright red colour signifying the complete lack of sleep I was undergoing. At times I questioned the merit in not sleeping, was there anything for me to aim for any longer. I could not remain behind; I could not get a job in the world as it was. There was next to nothing I would be able to do once I had left school. I had been packing for weeks, slowly gathering an arrangement of items I believed Draco and I would need once we had left the school, creating a bag similar to the one I had created at the beginning of the year, however this time it was minus the possessions I had lost when Harry and Ron had vanished before my eyes. Not that there was necessarily anything of great value to me in the bag, I had made sure that I left anything I could not bear to lose with Ginny. There was a box stowed beneath her bed containing the items I could not bear to lose in the case of emergency, exam results, jewellery and above all else the photos I had taken of my parents and myself. I knew they would be safe with Ginny when I could no longer protect them. Tucked in the back of the framed photograph was a piece of parchment, upon it I had written my parent's aliases and their location, in the hope that someone would find them and undo what I had done even I could not.

The Room of Requirement had expanded beyond belief, it was now home to such a wide variety of students there were no longer separate rooms, in fact, now it was basically one large open common room with several hammocks to be slept in each night. It was not the most comfortable nights sleep, but at the very least everyone was safe. Late at night she would awake to the familiar screams of Lavender, who was still tormented by the nightmares of her family, she too barely slept. No-one had said anything to her about them, no-one wished to bring something so horrid up, there wasn't long to go now, we could all survive a little disrupted sleep for just a couple of weeks. I leant my head against the desk, there was no excuse for this lack of concentration. I opened my diary which shouted the familiar phrase '_Do it today or later you'll pay!' _as the page opened. There was less than five days until exams officially begun, my nerves were at an all time high, there was no denying that this could make or break my future, my study habits now would affect the rest of my life, I had to maintain concentration.

"Someone's worried." I heard Neville whisper.

"Stressed that's all. Worry and stress are two entirely different emotions." I replied.

"No they're not, they're interconnected." He replied.

"I'm Hermione Granger, I live off stress. I'm fairly sure I recognise it." I replied rather harshly, my tone nothing more than a high pitched squeak.

"Your tone says otherwise." Interjected Draco with a smile. "The high pitched squeak you emitted was enough to awaken the dead."

"Oh please!" I cried. "That is certainly the last thing it would be doing, there was nothing unnatural about it. I'm most certainly not worried if that is what you're implying. I know I shall do well. I've been doing nothing but studying for months!"

"Oh, but haven't you heard they've changed the exam timetable, it may render your studies entirely pointless as they could very well be out of order." Draco said.

"They've what!" I cried jumping to my feet. "How could they? How dare they? Do they know how that could affect the exam results of all N.E.W.T.S students? It could be an utter catastrophe; I must speak with Snape about this!"

"Should we tell her about the change in the Defence Against the Dark Arts curriculum?" Neville asked.

I must have missed it; they were clearly attempting to taunt me, yet I was oblivious to it, so lost within my own mind that I could do nothing but go into a complete and total panic. "I can't believe this. I cannot believe this is happening! We're supposed to be in an environment which enables us to do the very best that we can do. We can't do that if they're changing such crucial things at the last minute! How are we supposed to succeed if they keep making it so difficult!"

"The Carrows wish to make life difficult, Hermione." Neville replied.

"We're going to fail; why you aren't panicking I'll never know!" I replied.

"Hermione, calm down!" Draco replied hugging me tightly, my eyes burning with the tears my stress had finally brought upon me. "We were just joking."

"Exams are nothing to joke about!" I sobbed, hiccupping as I spoke.

"You need to calm down; you've made a right mess of yourself." He replied wiping my eyes on his sleaves. "You need to relax; you're going to do better than anyone else here."

"Draco, I can't do this. I can't beat them… They're going to fail me!" I cried.

"Who?" He asked looking in my eyes.

"The Carrows!"

"The exams are independent of their judgement… You know that…" Neville replied.

I suddenly stopped crying, it stopping as quickly as it had started. "It is too…"

"You're just _worried_." Draco replied kissing me lightly. "It's going to be alright. Plus, if you fail as a result of their actions, they'll have me to deal with."

"And me." I added. "They'll have to deal with the both of us."

"It's going to be alright, we'll deal with anything that comes our way." He whispered hugging me tightly.

As he held me tightly; I realised perhaps I was not as ready as I had first thought. Mentally perhaps but not emotionally ready for these exams. The combined weight of my duties as Head Girl, Harry and Ron, Draco, where I was going once I graduated and exams combined had been leading me towards a total meltdown, and a joke of all things tipped me over the edge, the balance had been broken. It seemed as though exams were finally here and my world had entered the downwards spiral I could not escape, the spiral to my destiny. Good, bad or somewhere in between, I didn't know what awaited me at the bottom, but I had to hold on and hope that the descent would not be as bad as what may be waiting for me at the end.

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**Dedicated To: **_The "lovely" Eliiiii – There are times when it seems as though you have all the answers and then we joke about them, you know I love you for it. _

**Author's Note: **_Update Two of Five._

_(Sorry about the timing, my internet is to be blamed, but hopefully, it's finally fixed!)_

_Song of the Chapter: __**If It Means A Lot To You – A Day To Remember**_


	66. When Was The Last Time You Scolded?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Six: When Was The Last Time You Scolded?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

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**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.**

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"_Books are masters who instruct us without rods or ferules, without words or anger, without bread or money. If you approach them, they are not asleep; if you seek them, they do not hide; if you blunder, they do not__scold__; if you are ignorant, they do not laugh at you."_

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Being tipped to breaking point was something that seemed like an everyday occurrence in the lead up to exams. Many people had completely lost their will to maintain any form of mental balance in the form of their emotions. There had been break ups, make ups and much drama in between this week. Luckily, I had steered clear of most of it. I was not overly keen to wade in those dark waters that seemed to be nothing but trouble. For now, I wanted to maintain any form of balance I could. Many others in their attempts to steer clear of drama had only caused it. It was a delicate time in the lives of all Seventh and Fifth year students, these were the moments that would define the rest of our lives. It was not an easy weight to bear upon your shoulders, the weight of the world seemed almost enough to destroy one as is, no added pressure was needed. Yet life continued, even when it seemed like it was all to much to bear. It went on, it always would. Time didn't stop for anyone, anything or any moment. It never would. If it did, I wished it would stop before all of this, paused forever these events never taking place. Oh how I wished for them to stop, or to never have occurred in the first place. The world would have been so much better off.

Was there a safe place on this earth? The answer? Probably not? There wouldn't be an untouched region on this planet; Voldemort's reign had spread further than any wizarding evil had before. It had not only spread across the globe, it had consumed it. I often wondered about my parents, what they would be making of the life I had created for them. I wondered if I would ever have them back as they were before I had cursed them, the mere thought of not being able to reverse the damage I had created was enough to turn my stomach with each horrid thought. The moment had arrived, yet I felt so unprepared, or perhaps it was a combination of my nerves and the thought of the prospect of failure that caused my nerves to be so on edge. The briefing that came before each round of exams was enough to cause fear to rise in the pit of your stomach, more uncomfortable than the nausea that caused you to feel as though you were lost at sea upon an unsteady vessel. The shaking that made you feel as though your hands had suddenly been rendered incapable of movement. That sickening feeling of nervousness, mixed with an unpleasant hint of fear.

I grasped the table ledge, hoping to find some form of support in its sturdy wooden frame, yet at the same time the need to do so made me feel weaker and more fragile than I knew myself to be. My self doubt had begun to kick in. It was unsettling me, making me doubt everything I already knew, I had learn, knew and was prepared to be examined upon. This happened every year but nothing, nothing could prepare you for that feeling of failure in your stomach, that feeling that you had failed everything you hoped to achieve and more. A complex and almost indescribable feeling that only occurred at the time of exams. I glanced around me; everyone else was doing the same. Each had that look of nervous anticipation in their eyes that I knew would be in mine. Some looked as though they'd gone beyond just pure nerves and moved into some form of mild panic attack. I had thankfully, yet to experience any greater signs of stress today, perhaps in this week leading up to the day I had, yet today I was determined to master my own fear, to not let it define me. To let something so trivial and simple define who I would be seemed so pointless, there was so much more that had defined me this year that was, in the grand scheme of things, far more horrible than a bad exam mark.

Snape was speaking yet I could not decipher a word he was saying, almost as though her speaking in an entirely different language or my ears had suddenly become clogged and all I could hear were the jumbled, fragmented words my mind was conjuring to go with the movement of his lips. He stopped, the speech had ended and I had not heard a single word of it. The fear truly had begun to settle in, Draco was no by my side, but rather sitting at the very end of the Slytherin House Table, as was required. I wished that there was no seating requirement this morning; I needed his support more than anything else at this very moment. I had already once lost the support I clung to so desperately, I had filled their places with a single person, a person who was, at the same time everything they were as well as everything they could not be. I wondered whether I placed too much faith in Draco, whether, I added too much weight to the already burdening load upon his shoulders.

I realised I did not have the right to do that to anyone, most of all Draco. He had given up so much for me; could I ever ask anything more of him? In a way, it was like he did care, but at the same time, I could bear the idea of owing one person so much. Again, it came in waves; I would do things for him in return, yet at the same time when he openly defied his family for me and the life he had been brought up with there was very little else that could be asked of him. From what I could gather with the movement taking place around me we had been dismissed, having to exit to enable the first session of exams to begin, I was one of the few who would be within this exam, Ancient Runes. It was not the most popular of classes; however it was one of the more interesting classes among the offered subjects within the school curriculum. Of course, I owed quite a lot to the class, the discovery of the possibility of the Deathly Hallows existing, perhaps even being a way Harry could ensure his safety was a feeling of accomplishment one rarely got. She felt as though remaining behind had given her something of use to them, rather than being a total waste of their time and simply a burden.

Time seemed to passing by in flashes, first the doors reopening, then taking my place in my allocated seat. It was as though I was blacking out between vital moments, loosing grasp on all I knew. I took the quill into my hand upon instruction, my hands shaking unbearably. They were the very latest quills equipped with an arsenal of anti-cheating jinxes and bewitchments as well as the very latest developments in self-inking quills. These were one of the many Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes products that had found their way filtering down into an entirely different market than that of which they had been designed. The quills for one were not supposed to be bewitched with the anti-cheating jinxes; however a special order had been made. The others included the range of protective garments which had been purchased in bulk by the Ministry, they seemed rather pointless now, and they really had done no good. No item of clothing could stop the downfall of the Ministry, it was inevitable. There was so much that could no be stopped in this world, the fall of the Ministry was just another of the thousands upon thousands of events that had come to pass without anything to stop them.

The first page of the exam flicked open in perfect synchronisation around the room, signalling the commencement of writing time. My eyes scanned along the page, the runes before me translating before my eyes. There was no denying that this was a subject I could do. Yet at the same times my nerves had crept upon me, planting seeds of doubt within my mind. I recognised many of the phrases that I was required to translate easily, phrases we had repeatedly translated in order to place them firmly within our minds. I could remember each of them so clearly now, almost as though once the hazy fog that had formed in my mind had lifted and I could finally see clearly. I pressed my quill upon the parchment and begun my frantic and desperate writing, hoping, praying, wishing that I had the time and the will to complete this exam and the others that were to follow.

* * *

"Good luck." I whispered hugging Draco tightly. "I know you'll do well, we've practiced. Just remember everything we've practiced and you'll be fine." I rambled.

"You better go." He whispered. "You've already been called."

"I should." I replied, kissing him lightly. "I'm so nervous, what if I mess it up?" I asked.

"You're Harry Potter's best friend, you've been in more dangerous and potentially life threatening situations than most of us here combined. If you're not able to pass, I don't know who will stand a chance other than Potter himself."

"I hope you right." I replied, my heart beating so quickly I thought it would leap from my chest and onto the cold, stone floor beneath. "I don't want to find myself failing though. That would be atrocious."

"Far worse could happen." He replied simply. "Trust me, these exams, they're the very least of your worries."

"Do you think so?" I asked.

"I know so. Go on, I know you'll do brilliantly."

"Thank you." I replied kissing him lightly before walking through the large doors to face my practical examination for Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Upon entering I was immediately taken to an older wizard, balding and looking particularly aged around the eyes, as though he had seen too much grief and sorrow in his time upon this earth. He greeted me kindly and begun asking me a series of questions relating to the Cruciatus Curse, there was very little about the curse I could forget. Particularly the monstrous pain it caused. I answered each of his questions easily and without a moment's hesitation, there was very little else that could be asked about the Unforgivable Curses aside from their affects, and counter curses. Then came the hardest part of the entire examination, a small owl was placed before me in its cage, its large eyes bulging from within it skull. Reminding me of none other than Pig, Ron's owl. The instructor told me to place the owl under the Cruciatus Curse, and despite it going against every single belief I had now come to hold I outstretched my wand and did as I was told. I would do what was necessary to ensure my marks were as good as I could possibly enable them to be. I would not let something this simple stop me, no matter who the creature reminded me of.

I could not help but feel rage rush through me as the curse escaped the tip of my wand and hit the small creature in the chest. I felt that overwhelming anger I had felt at Draco's betrayal, that anger I felt watching Harry and Ron disappear before my eyes. I felt everything again. Stopping only as the counter curse escaped my lips. I felt my hands shaking as the elderly wizard dismissed me, informing that my results would arrive in early August. I felt a sinking feeling rise in my chest, I wouldn't receive my results. I felt everything that had been weighing upon my mind suddenly coming to a halt, there was but a single thing I wished to resolve. I wanted to know what Draco had been hiding from me; I had been patient long enough. I wanted to know. I didn't want to live in the shadow of a lie any longer, I felt that in order to be free I had to know, I had to know what it was that he had hidden from me.

I waited for Draco who was several students behind me, when he walked out there was nothing but pure relief upon his face. "When were you planning to tell me the truth?" I asked. "When?"

"Not now, it's irrelevant." He replied quickly.

"It's relevant, Draco!" I cried. "You think I just pretend like nothing ever happened? You think you can just get away with lying to me and never have to own up to it, or explain it? Draco, for goodness sake say something." I hissed.

"Not here." I replied.

"If not here, where?" I scolded. "Huh? Where, when, if ever, Draco?"

He paused. "You just had to bring this up, didn't you?" He asked.

"I had to because if it means protecting you I need to know." I replied.

"No, Hermione." He replied. "You're trying to find the answers to something your not going to like, as always."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Ben. I appreciated your proposal and the awesome ideas it entails including but not limited to the awesome layout you've planned. _

**Author's Note: **_Update Three!_


	67. When Was The Last Time You Dreamt?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Seven: When Was The Last Time You Dreamt?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.

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**

"_Dream __as if__you__'__ll live forever__. Live as if__you__'__ll __die today."

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_

Even in my dreams the foreboding sense of darkness overwhelmed me. It was as though even my dreams failed to provide a sanctuary from the darkness that plagued me. The scene Draco and I had caused in the Entrance Hall repeated over and over again in my mind, until eventually I awoke to fragmented dreams of the memory replaying over and over again in my mind. I would close my eyes, drifting back into the dream, drifting back into a scene I did not wish to relive, pain, darkness and humiliation awaiting me like old friends as I slipped peacefully into the world of dreams. I could no longer hide from the reality of it all, the reality that I had been closer to death that I had ever imagined possible. I could not shake that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that horror and shock that I had felt only days ago. That sickening twisting motion that seemed to be consuming my entire body. I opened my eyes; once again, I was now however no longer awake, I was within the dream again. Right back at the beginning of the mess that had unfolded.

_I stopped what could I say in response to such an accusation? "Perhaps I prefer to know." I replied harshly, finally thinking of a way to reply._

"_Not everything is as simple as you like to pretend, Hermione." He replied. "Not everything in this world is black and white, simple and easy, high or low. There are some things that are so complex you can barely begin to comprehend the severity of them!" _

"_Try me, Draco. If your so smart why don't you just try telling me for once, instead of darting around it like it's so horrible I will never look at you the same again if you tell me." _

"_That's the thing." He replied. "You won't."_

"_What have you done?" I asked taking a step back. "What did you do?" _

"_Hermione, please. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to do anything wrong by you. Please, believe me!" He begged._

_Everyone was looking at us. "Draco, what is it?" I asked. "How could it be that bad?" _

"_Not here… Not now…" He replied. "You were never meant to find out!"_

_I turned. I begun walking as quickly as I could away from the curious eyes of the bystanders towards the broom cupboard he had once pulled me within to give me the lifeline that had saved me. I moved my weight inside the door carefully to avoid the various assortment of brooms, buckets and other cleaning potion bottles scattered across the floor. I carefully pressed my back against the wall, watching as Draco walked in behind me, tripping slightly on a bucket. There was a silence, eerie and endless before he spoke. "I'm sorry."_

"_I know you are." I replied. "Can't you just tell me?"_

"_I don't want to." He replied. "No, I can't." _

"_Why?" I asked. _

"_For the same reason you won't tell me the names you gave your parents or the location to which you sent them." He replied. "If someone found out you'd be in more trouble than the information itself was worth."_

"_What is it?"_

"_Hermione, there's a reason I sat in your carriage on the train, a reason I did everything I had to gain your trust… I was sent to kill you." _

I wake up; my breathing is erratic, uncontrolled and spinning wildly out of control. I was nearing hyperventilation. My heart was racing at a million miles per hour, as it did each time I woke from this portion of the dream. I could never slow it down before falling back into a deeper sleep. My head fell once more against the soft pillow within my hammock and I felt myself awakening in the dream once again, as though I was stuck in a never ending cycle of memories.

"_What?" I gasp, taking a long step sideward to get as far away from him as possible._

"_You heard me." He whispered slouching against the wall. "I was sent to kill you. I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she." _

"_You can't be! I trusted you!" I scream, unable to hold anything in any longer. "I. Trusted. You!" _

"_I never meant to fall in love with you!" He cried. "That was not part of the plan!" _

"_What was then?" I cried. "Destroying me without a second thought?" _

"_You don't get it; this was how I was going to redeem myself!" He hissed. "This was the way I could free myself of the failure upon my shoulders. This was the way to my freedom and I screwed it up! Not you, me. I never meant to fall in love with you. I just had to gain your trust and kill you, it was simple… Nothing complex… But it became something far more complex than I had ever imagined! I was never supposed to think of you as human let alone as someone I loved! Believe me, I love you, I still do! I always will!" _

_I was speechless; a tear fell from my eye running down my cheek. "Don't cry please." He whispered wiping away the tear._

"_I don't know how you could do this to me!" I cried. "The dark mark, I saw you clawing at it with your bare hands! You lied to me!" I whispered sliding to the ground. "I can't believe after everything you could look me in the eyes and just lie, day after day. As though I meant nothing at all to you. Is that what you wanted?"_

"_No." He whispered. "I wanted to kill you. I did. But I got to know you and then my thoughts changed, they moved so dramatically from wanting to kill you to wanting to save you! I didn't want to be the one who had to end such a harmless life, a life that meant more than my own pathetic existence." _

"_I can't believe you agreed to that…" I whisper. "I can't believe you were going to kill me. How long? How long were you going to let this go on for?" _

"_I was going to make it as quick and painless as possible I swear. I was never, ever going to torture you. I was going to make it something you'd never even notice… I didn't want you to know what I'd done; I didn't want to see the light leaving your eyes… I couldn't bear the thought of that." _

"_I can't believe this. You're lying." I whispered, the tears beginning once again. The realisation that the one I thought had been protecting me was in fact was trying to kill me was almost too much for me to comprehend. _

"_I'm not, for once I'm not lying. I'd never hurt you. Not now, not in the future. I couldn't live with myself if I did. That's the reality of things, they've changed." _

"_You were going to kill me and that's all you've got to say." I replied standing; I wiped my eyes with the back of my robe sleeve. "I. Trusted. You." I repeated as I slammed the now open door behind me._

I gasp for breath as I awake, there is not a sound to be heard around me. Almost as though I am alone in the dark room, when in fact, I am not. I cannot even hear the snores of those around me, the tossing and turning of Lavender or Parvarti's gentle snores. I am alone in this darkness. I stare at what I believe to be the ceiling, yet I am not sure whether it is. The darkness is all consuming, nothing is visible in this dim light, nothing is clear to me, I wander through the depth of my mind, lost within the mess of memories and moments that I cannot sort, searching endlessly for something - the maze will not let me go. I fall easily back into my dream state; almost as though I was never awake at all, my consciousness merely a figment of my imagination.

_I run, it's all I can do to avoid crying. Yet as soon as I am out of sight of another living being I begin to crack, first the tears, silent yet steady pouring down my cheeks. Each burning with the betrayal against me, each burning as though they were acid upon my delicate skin. I duck within the nearest broom cupboard, not wanting to come across anyone in such a state. I fall to the ground once inside, closing the door behind me. I cannot help but be a victim to my emotions. I was strong one moment and the next I was an utter mess. How could he have betrayed me like this? How would I ever trust again? Could I trust him again? I felt the searing pain of utter betrayal in my chest, burning more horribly than any other emotion I could feel. I warp my hands around my knees, carefully resting my head against my thighs. The tears stained my clock, leaving a strange moist blotch as I attempted to wipe away my tears. I hear a strange buzzing sound, almost as though my ears have been plugged and I cannot hear correctly. _

_I look up. My only reasoning for what I could see what that I must have fallen victim to insanity. It was the only reason for which I could determine what I was seeing. The ghostly imprints of Harry and Ron stood before me once again. They seemed to be moving something, yet I could not tell what this was, unfortunately the imprints were all I was limited to seeing. I could never hear them only see their actions. Once again, they seemed to be bickering over something, they always seemed to be doing this whenever I could see them. Perhaps it was a sign of my inner battle with insanity and sanity, that was the only reasoning I had for this. Yet it did not matter, I did not care why I was seeing them, only that I was not alone and they were with me. Even if it were only for a short amount of time I could pretend that everything was right in the world. Even when it was not. As I watched them slowly fade away to nothing I could not help but feel the dull ache in my chest rise, I was more alone than ever now. That pain would not go away. _

I awake, the orange sunrise throwing vibrant streams of light through the windows upon us falling upon my face gently. I wait; wait for that moment in which I will not feel the pain of my dreams the night before. I wait in hope that Draco was only lying and he will come running back to me, attempting to convince me that it was all a lie and I had fallen for it. I wait, yet that moment never comes. The dull ache in my chest, the ache made entirely of broken promises and things left unsaid shatters my being. I lie in my hammock for just a few minutes later, praying that it will subside that perhaps it will relinquish it's hold so that I can breathe. Yet it does not. The pain is just as bad, the memories just as painful, the ache in my chest only becoming worse with each passing moment. I wished I could go back, in the dream it was so much more real, it did not seem to be a memory, it was the present. Awake, I was nothing but lonely and broken. The water closing in around me, suffocating and drowning me once again. All I could hope for was that I would fall asleep once again, and it could all be a dream, real but distant. My thoughts lingering on Draco's words: "_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."

* * *

_

**Dedicated To: **_"Them" – They taught me the power of dreams, the strength they give you and just how easily they shatter, only to be rebuilt stronger and more reachable than ever. Thank you._

**Author's Note: **_Update Four!_

_This is where the story will break away from canon for several chapters, but do not despair it will find its way back eventually! _

_Song of the Chapter: __**Believe by The Bravery**_


	68. When Was The Last Time You Grabbed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Grabbed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

"_When you have a dream you've got to __grab __it and never let go__"

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_

**Disclaimer: If you recognise it, the chances are; I do not own it, J.K Rowling does.

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**

I awake in a cold sweat, my breathing is heavy. The same words, those Draco had said just days ago repeat within my mind as monotonous triplets as I struggle to find the balance between my dreams and consciousness. I grabbed the frayed edges of the blanket covering me as I struggled to find some form of sign that the reality I felt was real. Some form of indication that I was alive and not dead. Could I really have died? I wondered, could this really be some figment of my imagination, a dream world conjured up by my mind to lead me off the track of the truth. I wondered how long this could continue as I glanced out the clouded windows. The sun rising on the grounds, the only light peaking through the omnipresent cloud cover I had become so accustomed to. The rain spatters against the glass window, falling gently down the glass like tear drops down one's face. In the glasses reflection I can see the faint outline of my face before me.

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

I notice a pale figure approaching the glass. I cannot move, I cannot breathe. There is nothing I can do, almost as though I have become attached to the place on which I stand. I know what is about to happen, the very same thing that happens each and every night. Yet is there is nothing I can do to stop it. This time I am no longer asleep. It is reality. My dreams were prophesising the truth for once. I had never been of Seer material; it was surprising that such a thing could occur. Something that I would never have imagined in my wildest day dreams, that the reoccurring dream of my death would actually have held some truth to it. I know how this dream is to end, it will end no differently I will die in just a few simple seconds time. _This time, for real_. How much could occur in just a few seconds? In three, statistically speaking a person dies and a person is born. In three seconds, a heart beats on average one to three times. In three seconds, you can say 'I love you.' It all seems pointless now. Because in three seconds I could have ran. I could have hidden. I could have moved. Yet I did none of the above. _Could have. Should have. Would have._ It didn't matter in the slightest now.

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

I was going to die. That was to say, if I was not already dead. These past few evenings I had been plagued by a dream, a dream that questioned the very foundations of the world I believed in. Whether it was real, whether it was all within my imagination. I would die in each, yet awake more often than not to another dream, almost like a dream within a dream. I was not aware of such possibilities until it occurred the first time. Yet, now I was fully aware of the reoccurring possibilities it presented. It almost begged the question which way was up and which way was down. If everything were backward how was I to know which way was which? Or more importantly – Was it even possible for me to know. I was grabbing at the loose threads of my life, the loose threads that had fallen in a tangled mess around my feet. I could barely hold on, almost as though these threads were covered in a slick liquid causing me to lose my grip so quickly it was difficult to believe I had any grip at all in the first place.

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

"_I'm the poisoned apple sent by the queen to kill the one more fair than she."_

I open my eyes; Draco is staring at me from within the glass, hovering just meters from my face. In a spilt second the glass shatters spraying out across my body. Several pieces embed themselves into my skin and I fall backwards landing painfully upon the cold hard ground. I struggle upon the ground, yet I can no longer feel my limbs, I have become so light headed I can barely keep focus, yet I hold it long enough to watch Draco crawling through the window walking forward and leaning over me. I look upwards into his cold blue grey eyes, just in time to see his face melt away revealing the cold haunting face of Lord Voldemort. He smiles at me, his smile does not reach his eyes, and it's cold and merciless. I wince almost as though the smile itself is enough to send me diving into a pool of insanity. He tilts his head ever so slightly as though his almost intrigued by my behaviour, he withdraws a wand from his pocket, and I've seen this wand before its _Dumbledore's_.

"Hello, Hermione," He whispers softly yet, it's without any form of kindness, "you'll be seeing your Mother soon, _Avada Kedavra."

* * *

_

I awake screaming, it's another of those strange dreams I have been having of late, those strange dreams within a dream where I can never be sure if I am awake or in fact asleep. I notice a strange light from the corner of my eye on the grounds. A student must be out of bed. I grab my cloak and my wand and run to the hammock Draco lies from. I poke him roughly. "Wake up, Draco! _Wake up!" _

He rolls over, "'Mione, go back to bed…" He manages only a few highly distorted words.

"Draco! There's a student out on the grounds, they're not allowed out!"

"Give me a second…" He mumbles before rolling out of the hammock onto the floor.

He quickly grabs his cloak and wand and follows me down through the castle towards the castle doors. They have been left completely ajar. "Go and get Snape, now!" I hissed as I walked out the door.

"Why? It might be dangerous, you go and get Snape and I'll go and get the student." He argued.

"Draco, I can handle whatever spells a first or second year has up their sleaves. I'll be fine, you go and get Snape. We're going to need him to close the doors," I replied, "be as quick as possible, they should closed who knows what they might let in."

"Fine, if anything happens…" He begins.

"Nothing will happen. It's just a student, I saw the light from the window, they're out on the grounds, the worst thing out there are the Dementors and I can handle those."

"I'll meet you back here in ten minutes, if your not back I'm coming out there."

"Fine, you're being irrational nothings going to happen, but I shall give you that chance to prove me wrong, shall I?"

"There's no need to be rude, Hermione." He replied.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired. I haven't really been sleeping." I replied honestly.

"Neither," He replied, "it's all going to be okay, just a one more week and we're free."

"You still think you're running away?" I asked. "You tried to kill me! How am I supposed to trust you, you might murder me in my sleep!"

"Hermione!" He cried, "I've had ample opportunity to do so, and I haven't. Isn't that proof enough? I love you, why do you have to continue to distrust me like this? It's been a week and you're as distant as ever. You're supposed to trust me, that I've changed."

I pause, "I do… I just worry what means for you."

"For me?"

"You'll never be safe again if you run away with me, you'll never have a place in society, with your family ever again."

"I'm willing to risk that for you," He replied taking my hands, "I would give up everything for you."

"I know that. I know and accept that. I have to go and get that student. I'll be back soon."

"Before you go…" He whispered pulling me close, slipping one arm around my waist and pressing his lips lightly to mine. "I love you."

"I love you." I replied softly. "I'm sorry..."

"So am I," I replied as he slipped the ruby ring onto my right hand once more, "you should wear it, just in case, for protection."

I nod as I walk through the open doors onto the grounds, _Lumos, _I think to myself as I withdraw my wand, the soft, faint glowing enough to light my way down towards Hagrid's hut, towards the white marble tomb that lies in the centre of the grounds. I stop, the student can't be all too far away, yet there is no longer a light, almost as though they have left the grounds and gone back inside. There is no way for me to tell, in fact, I am quite literally wandering about in the dark. It strange, for a moment I thought I heard voices yet they have vanished into the night. _Knox, _I think, the light from my wand extinguishing in a brief second. I am now standing alone in the darkness, I press my body against a rock for protection, I feel ill at ease in the darkness almost as though it is suffocating me. Once again I hear a soft whisper, however this time it does not stop.

*****"I shall join you in the castle shortly," he said, in his high, cold voice, "leave me now."

I grabbed my mouth, attempting to stifle my breathing, would he be able to hear me breathing from here? I wondered to myself as I lay pressed against the back of the rock. I watched as a dark figure passed by me, in the light I was only just able to make out who it was – Snape. Draco was going to be unable to find him as he was already out on the grounds. I heard a loud cracking sound from behind me; I carefully pried myself up turning to peer over the rock. In the pale moonlight I was able to see Voldemort reaching into the now broken tomb of Albus Dumbledore, searching for something. Finally, he found it. He grabbed it and held it over his head, it was a wand. It was at that moment the pieces fell together, Voldemort had been sighted abroad, and he was searching for something. The wand. But it couldn't be, _The Elder Wand. _How had Dumbledore come into possession of it? I felt myself crawling backwards slowly, as if I was subconsciously attempting to make some form of break for it. Beneath my feet I heard a loud snapping noise, looking down I see a twig that has completely snapped in two.

My heart begins to race, I hope that he has not heard the sound, yet it is so loud that there is little doubt in my mind that he has. I feel a strange tingling pass through my body, it was unnatural, yet I could not determine where it had come from. Voldemort's eyes darted about the area quickly, before he pulls his cloak over his face and walks towards the castle. _How could he not have seen me? _I was lying out in the open where anyone would have been able to see me as clear as day. I watch as he vanishes through the castle doors and away from my sight. I wait for several minutes after this to be certain before standing and wandering over the tomb. Perfectly preserved within the cracked marble lies the body of Albus Dumbledore, he looked so peaceful and fragile like this, almost as if he were sleeping.

"_Hermione?"_ I hear Draco hissing. "_Hermione_? _Where are you?_"

"I'm over here by the tomb, Draco" I reply, carefully running my wands over it repairing the cracked marble.

"Where? I can't see you."

"What do you mean? I'm standing right here."

"I placed a _Disillusionment_ charm upon you, I can't actually see you yet, nor do I know how to remove it early."

"It was you…" I replied, removing the charm myself. "You saved me."

"Of course I did, I knew something wasn't right, you didn't want to listen to me though."

"I know, I was so sure," I replied. "I'm sorry."

"How many times have you said that today?" He asked taking my hand leading me back up towards the castle.

"Too many, it's feels like all I ever do."

"Well is that ever going to change?" He asked.

I paused thoughtfully, "No, I cause too much trouble for it to be any different. Where do you suppose we'll find Snape to get him to close these doors?"

"You won't have to look," I heard a nasally voice reply from the staircase. "He's right here."

From his tone I was able to determine that he knew either I or Draco had overheard at least part of his conversation with Lord Voldemort, and although it seemed as though I was grabbing at the very short strings to which my relationship with Draco seemed to be hanging from; I realised I would be grabbing onto the strings which allowed me to stay safe in these castle walls and inevitably the rest of my life for quite a while to come. The end was near; the real war was only just beginning.

He closed the doors with a flick of his wand, "Follow me." He said loudly to the both of us as he walked into the darkness.

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**Dedicated To: **_My reviewers and readers. Your patience and understanding is simply amazing and I'm eternally grateful to you all._

**Author's Note: **_Update 5 of 5. Okay, so this has been completed for quite some time, but due to circumstances beyond my control, including a self-imposed week from the internet after a stress induced panic attack I have finally found the time to post this. I'm so sorry that I could not post it sooner, but at the moment RL is really cutting into my writing time and there have been several problems that I have had to deal with these past few weeks. Hopefully I can get back on some form of schedule, but there's no promises there I'm afraid. There's just a little too much going on outside my control for me to be certain about. But I hope you like this Inception inspired chapter. I would like to thank you for your continuing support and brilliant reviews! So many I can never be thankful enough!_

_Song: __**It's About Time – One Night Only**_

_*** **__Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K Rowling, British First Edition, Page 404._


	69. When Was The Last Time You Finished?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Sixty Nine: When Was The Last Time You Finished?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

_

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_

"We rate ability in men by what they finish, not by what they attempt"

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There are moments when you believe you are about to walk into more trouble than your actions were worth, generally resulting in some form of consequence for your actions. But when the consequence causes your life to hang in the balance what are you supposed to do? Face it? Run as far and as fast away as you can? You have two options; neither seems like the preferable option at the time. Being left with no options may or may not be a good thing, depending on the outcome. I felt like the whole world was crashing down upon me, everything I had worked for, everything I had done in a single year seemed to be rendered pointless in just a few simple words. Failure was the only word weighing upon my mind, everything else seemed so distant and pointless in comparison. I take several deep breaths, yet they do nothing what so ever to calm my nerves which seem to be at an all time high. Higher even than they were standing before the Muggleborn Registry Commission, when it seemed as though I could have died for a simple wrong answer.

"It's going to be okay…" Draco whispers in my ear taking my hand.

"I don't know about that," I reply edgily, "all I know is that this might be the last time we walk through these halls."

"Is that all you know?" He asked jabbing me in the ribs.

"I suppose it was an over-exaggeration," I reply in something of a deadpan.

"I hope it was," He replied, his tone as dark as the corridors surrounding us. "for both our sakes."

We followed Snape as quickly as we could manage before finding ourselves seated in his office. It was completely dark outside, not even a brief hint of light was visible behind the trees of the Forbidden Forest. I was on edge; could this really have been the end for us? I could not hope but feel entirely helpless in this situation, almost as though we had exhausted all options and we were relying on pure luck to succeed. A success tonight would be to walk free of the castle without notice, in best case scenario we would remain here. Yet I doubted even Snape would be that _kind_ to his favourite student, even if it was Draco. No amount of favouritism would save us now. No amount of wishful thinking could save us. Wishful thinking could only get you so far. It had gotten us this far and for that I was grateful, but perhaps we had reached the inevitable conclusion of this pipedream, this façade I wore. Perhaps now for the first time the possibilities of what lay beyond these walls for us would be more reality than mere wonderings.

It was Snape who broke the silence, "Do you know why I allowed Professor McGonagall to select you as Head Girl, Miss Granger?" He asked.

"No, sir," I replied.

"I allowed her to select you, as of all the people I knew would have the common sense to follow my wishes you'd be the one who would. I'm disappointed," He begun, "disappointed that you did not rise to these expectations."

"I'm sorry, sir. I never meant any harm. I assure you I have done the very best I am able to ensure that your wishes are followed."

"I'm sure that's true as true as dragon's blood being a cure for Spattergroit."

"But, sir!" Draco replied, "That's entirely untrue, if there was a cure as simple as dragon's blood for Spattergroit then it would have saved millions from an avoidable death."

"I expected far better of you, Draco," Snape replied, suddenly turning on his favourite student, "I at least expected you to hold onto your common sense and no let her befuddle you into abandoning your mission!"

"She knows nothing of the mission!" Draco cried.

"What mission?" I asked, my thoughts suddenly turning once again to Draco's recent deceit, "Draco, what mission is he speaking of?"

"I've not mentioned a word of the mission to her! Do you think I would place myself into that sort of situation with the Dark Lord? Do you think my loyalty has flown entirely out of the window?"

"I'm not sure what to expect, of either of you anymore."

"That is completely unfair!" I cry.

"Miss Granger, do you ever hold your entirely overactive tongue?" Snape asked, walking over to a cabinet to his left, "I have something that could cure you of that."

My eyes widen much to my own dismay, I did not wish for there to be such an obvious sign of my own fear upon my face as clear as this. My pulse quickens; what horrible potion could he be speaking o? It could one any number of the potions I'd read of, or any number of the ones I had never even heard of. My mind raced, could it have been the permanent silencing potion I had found among the pages of 'Most Potent Potions' all those years ago? Or could it had been the tongue severing potion I had read of within the pages of 'Pesky Problems With Potion Solutions'? It could be any potion with any number of horrible effects. What if it would torture me until I was unable to speak any longer? What if it would burn the insides of my mouth away until there was nothing left? So many possibilities so many horrific endings to this beginning.

"Please, don't do this, Dumbledore would never have wanted you to turn into this!"

"Into what, Miss Granger?"

"A man only capable of evil and injustice."

"Hermione, be quiet," Draco hissed in my ear. "you'll only provoke him."

"A man only capable of evil and injustice?" Snape sneered.

"You heard me. You say you only allowed me to be selected as Head Girl because you thought I'd follow your every order. I have a mind of my own; I am capable of single minded intelligent thought. I'm far less simple than you'd imagine."

"I allowed you to remain because you would be an asset to the Dark Lord. Did you really believe that you simply being obedient would be all we were after in a Head Girl?"

"What sort of asset?" Draco replied.

"Did you really think that the Dark Lord expected you to kill her?"

"Yes." Draco replied.

"He wouldn't entrust you with a mission of that magnitude then allow you to continually fail without following up on it. No," He sneered, "she became a very valuable asset."

"What sort of asset am I to him? I've no information regarding Harry or Ron's current whereabouts other than Ron currently being ill in bed with Spattergroit, although from what I've heard the Weasley's have been forced from their home by the Death Eaters."

"Your sources would be correct. They have been unable to inhabit the place since the wedding of their son which was disrupted earlier this year, but you already know this, don't you, Miss Granger."

"You were there?" Draco asked.

"Of course I was there!" I replied, "How do you think I knew all those things that only someone in attendance could know?"

"I don't know, we'll talk about this later." He replied before turning to Snape. "Please, this is not the time for petty arguments, we should be going the younger students have their exams tomorrow morning and Professor McGonagall will require our assistance in organising them."

"This is the time for petty arguments, Draco." I reply standing. "He dares call us here simply to discuss nothing of importance and we are simply going to stand here and take it? What did you call me here to simply kill me? Because, to me, that seems low, even for you Snape."

"The Dark Lord wants you alive." He replied withdrawing two pieces of parchment from his desk. "I suggest you take these and do what is necessary to ensure your own wellbeing."

I grabbed the pieces of parchment off the desk top and unrolled one quickly.

_This certificate is to certify that:_

_Miss Hermione Granger_

_Has successfully completed their education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

_Signed:_

_Severus Snape_

_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

"Why are you giving me this now?" I asked. "Surely it could have waited until the closing feast?"

"I think you know why the Dark Lord is in the grounds Miss Granger." Snape whispered. "Now, leave my sight before I'm forced to hand you over myself."

"Why are you helping us?" Draco asked standing. "Honestly?"

"What else do I have? I've nothing." He replied staring into the darkness beyond us. "I'll never have anything again."

"We have to go," I whispered in Draco's ear. "_now_!"

"I know." He replied still unable to tear his eyes away from the almost catatonic Snape. "Should we err… do something?"

"LEAVE!" Snape shouted without moving any part of his body aside from his lips.

I grabbed the collar of Draco's shirt and led him from the room. I doubted he would have moved unless I grabbed him and moved him myself. I was curious, why was Snape helping us? More to the question was the fact that he was acting so strangely. It was no secret that Snape had moved into the realms of Luna Lovegood insane but there was no apparent reason. Weren't men in his position supposed to be of sound mind? He had nothing to fear, he was more than well protected by the Dark Lord and he was in a well paying, safe job position. That left only his own demons which haunted him. Was he still haunted by his murder of a defenceless Albus Dumbledore? I did not pretend that I had often hoped he was, yet seeing this perhaps I was wrong to hope for such things. Perhaps it was wrong to hope anyone would be haunted by their actions in such a way, no-one deserved to be this broken. No-one deserved to be this mentally crippled by their actions.

It was strange, feeling such a great wave of pity for someone I wished to hate so deeply. I wanted to hate this man for destroying one of the greatest men I had ever met. I wanted to hate this man for his senselessness, for his own hate and above all else for his cruelty. I wanted to hate him so that the crimes he committed would seem small in comparison to the harm his neglect had shown this year. I wanted to feel something, anything other than pity for this shadow of a man. Was I wrong to have hated him for something he was being tortured over? Was that to be compared with my hate simply rubbing salt in already open wounds unconsciously? Although one could hardly expect to love or even remotely like Snape, a little more civility towards him on my part may have been a little more welcome, particularly in light of his actions this evening. As I wrenched the door handle backwards and pushed Draco out the door I turned one last time to face the man who had thrown us this lifeline. I realise quickly that this may be the last time I look into his eyes. It was now or never.

"_Thank you._ For _everything_." I said as I dashed out the door closing it behind me.

I grabbed Draco and pulled him behind me as I ran through the corridors towards the Room of Requirement, my wand was drawn and out in my right hand before me. It would do me little good if we were to encounter Voldemort as we rushed through between these familiar walls and across familiar floors. Familiar places I knew all too well, places I may never see again. There were no familiar faces in the corridors to see us off, only the shadows cast upon the ground by flickering torches. They flickered upon my skin as we ran wordlessly to the place that had sheltered us for so long. I opened the door to find the room alive with life, there were several sighs of relief as we walked into the room. I immediately dived for the trunk containing my possessions, shoving the last of them into the bag I had bewitched earlier.

"Where are you going?" Ginny asked grabbing my arm.

"We have to go now. Our times up. We can't stay here any longer." I hissed closing the trunk walking over to Draco who was holding his possessions in his hands.

He roughly shoved everything into the bag as I turned to Ginny. "I'm sorry, Gin. We have to go, we can't even stay until the closing feast. We have to leave now. Don't worry, I'll keep in touch."

"What are we meant to do without you?" Lavender asked her eyes filling with tears. "The both of you."

"You'll do exactly what you'd do if we were here. You have a week without us. I'm sure we'll see you all soon enough." Draco replied.

"Exactly. Keep them all in check, Nev." I said hugging him tightly.

"I will, 'Mione." He mumbled.

"Look out for him, Gin." I said as I hugged my dearest friend at Hogwarts. "Don't let the Carrows get to him."

"Don't worry about us," She whispered, "you've taught us well."

"I shall see you all soon, until then, good luck and stay safe." I said to the small crowd. "_Long live Potter_!"

"Long live Potter!" They chorused as I took Draco's hand, stepping towards the painting above the fireplace.

We rushed along the corridor which winded down towards Hogsmeade. As we emerged in the centre of the Hogs Head pub I grabbed Draco's hand and disapparated just north of the school. Just in time to see the sun rise upon the school grounds, lingering for just a moment before being extinguished by the thick cloud cover which engulfed it readily. I took Draco's hand and disapparated to the first place I could think of - my parent's house as the last speck of light was sucked away from the surrounds. This chapter in the book of my life finishing, the next opening afresh ready to be written. All that waited now was what it would contain.

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**Dedicated To: **_My sister. Because she always finishes what she starts and I can never quite manage it. _

**Author's Note: **_Sorry for the delays, I was off on Holidays. But I'm back now and hopefully, just maybe I can find my writing rhythm again. In the mean time be sure to leave a review :) _


	70. When Was The Last Time You Were Scared?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventy: When Was The Last Time You Were Scared?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

"_Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.__" – _Ambrose Redmoon_

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_

Fear pounded through my veins without any form of mercy. This was a fear that was rotting away at my soul piece by piece by frightening piece. Soon, I feared there would be nothing or very little left. I lay awake, staring at the high ceiling of the living room of my parent's home. The paint was peeling away in the smallest places, a mark of the age of our house showing quite easily the aging nature of the old red-brick house I had called home during my childhood. This was our second night within the small house yet I still did not sleep. I did not wish to be lulled into a false sense of security. I did not wish to be the one left unprepared in a situation that could mean life or death. Or perhaps the better way to put it would be that I physically could not sleep. Draco lay asleep beside me; unlike me he felt no fear in our situation. I was left in awe as to how he could remain so, we had so much to fear yet he shed no light into the situation. He had barely said a word at all.

The lack of sleep was slowly creeping upon me, my nerves were on edge. I felt as though even the slightest of changes could cause me to snap like a twig. For the lack of sleep and the strange almost crippling anxiety I almost felt older. Older beyond my years as though everything that had changed me in the past year had accumulated once again and had suddenly placed me at high risk of suddenly shattering into millions of tiny pieces. It had been quite some time since I had felt this way since this crippling anxiety had threatened everything I held most dear in life. Almost in an attempt to fight away these demons I had left the light on, making it easier for me to sleep if it would come even for a brief moment. The darkness held far too many possibilities within its grasp for me to sleep; the possibility of someone lurking under its cover was too frightening for me to even consider sleeping.

I lay awake from the moment we decide to sleep until the moment first light breaks through the windows on my right. Draco stirs too in the light but he does not wake. I curl up in a ball at the foot of my bedding and simply sat there staring into my father's bookcase waiting for that moment that he finally did wake. I glanced along the familiar photos, those faces I recognised so well, family, friends and I, we all looked so happy, so carefree as if we had nothing in the world to fear. I wondered whether I was the cause of all this discord in our lives the unceremonious destruction of my families life. Had I truly destroyed so many lives? Not only my own but of those around me, I'd ruined so many lives and what did I have to show for it? Only one thing, the love of the boy sleeping by my side, his love for me was barely enough to merit the destruction of so many lives, the countless friendships I had torn apart and the lives I would never be able to repair because of my actions. There was only so much pain his love could take away.

For a brief instant the world seemed to be a bleaker place than I could ever recall it being. A place more filled with hatred and evil than I could remember it being, but for that split second I was the cause of this darkness. It was _my_ fault. For but a brief instant I perhaps understood what it was like to be Voldemort, but the feeling subsided, taking with it the anguish in my heart. The anguish I felt which had stemmed from the fact that I had not entirely completed my seventh year; I had never ended up seeing it through until the closing feast. To me, this could hardly account for anything, what good was a piece of paper when there was very little to show for it? For a moment I considered running away, moving as far away as I could from this place and never looking back. But I knew, in the depths of my heart I knew Draco would search every inch of the earth until he found me. He would raise all hell until I was safely at home, even if it was the place I was so desperately attempting to remove myself from.

I could never imagine bringing a child into this world; I could never start a family among this mess. I could never marry in the world's current state. I was, due to circumstances beyond my control never to live the life I had wished for my entire life. No, I was doomed to live a life sheltered as far away from the public eye as possible, a life hidden away entirely from those I loved. _What kind of life was that?_ It was barely a life at all, no, it was barely that. More like the shards of a dream devoured by the darkness, a dream that would never come to fruition because of one man. I was to be denied my basic rights as a human being due to one man's hate. I could scarcely imagine being so filled with hate, so much so that there was nothing in this world that filled me with joy other than watching the light leaves others eyes. I could not imagine a life where my soul would be separated in many pieces from my body. I could never have imagined the cause of such hate or what he endured to cause it to be so great. That is where my pity for Tom Riddle ended and my hatred for this man, who had fashioned himself "Lord Voldemort" begun.

I wished the world were more simple, that I could have the life I knew as a child back again, yet to even wish for such a thing seemed almost pointless. No amount of wishful thinking could bring back the dead; no amount of wishful thinking could heal those wounds some would carry until the day they died. No amount of wishful thinking could change the guilt I felt in my heart. The guilt that I had changed Draco's life beyond repair, his relationship with his parents practically non-existent due to my own selfishness was almost beyond my level of comprehension. _How had I been so selfish and self-centred, so much so that I had made someone I loved dearly a target to his own parents?_ That did not seem like the actions of one professing to love another; it merely seemed like the actions of someone selfish and self-centred. Had I truly become so much more like those I once hated for these very qualities, those Slytherins who had once thought only of themselves and bullied others mercilessly for their own sport. _Had I really become like them?_

"How long have you been awake?" Draco asks softly from my side,

"Long enough," I whisper, "I haven't slept."

"Sleep, I'll watch over you," He whispers to me,

"I can't. I just can't sleep, don't you worry about me. Sleep you might need it soon, I can go without for a while longer."

These were the only words exchanged between us before the soft and gentle snoring begun once again. To be alone in this world was so much more easy than knowing that there were others to sense your fear, that others might so easy intercept your fears and turn them into a weakness. I was so frightened, that a potential enemy could be sleeping beside me, someone who wished to kill me. What had his mission truly been and how could I ever trust him again when so much was being left to chance? I'd never been one for taking chances, but it seemed as though my life had fallen into the hands of chance more so than anything else. Was I about to lie down and let it take every ounce of my faith from me, the faith I held that everything, one day would be alright? Or would I allow it to leave me to wallow entirely alone in my own fear? The choice, of course was up to me. But then again, I was a Gryffindor; I was not going down without a fight. I would not lay down and watch them take everything from me when they already had so much. This would be the one last thing they could not take from me – my hope.

Even if I were to die fighting for it, even if it were the very last thing I had left I would keep fighting, because one day that hope would matter more to someone else, even if I made the slightest difference in the world, it would help them and my life would have been worth living. _Right?_ I can not help but think of all those who had lost their lives in this war already, those who had died fighting for what it was they believed in. _Was I ready to potentially become one of them?_ Or more to the point, did I have that strength that was required to go through with my beliefs right until the very end? It seemed to me as though I was faced with a moral dilemma that I could not overcome. I could run and hide or I could stay and fight, one was the right thing and one was the wrong. The Gryffindor within me was screaming at me to stay and fight where as my senses told me, perhaps more so the Ravenclaw within me was telling me that perhaps it would be best for all involved for me to remove myself from this situation. Even Draco would have another chance at living a normal life.

For some reason I can sit there and not feel a thing. Nothing can touch me; I'm like an emotional stone wall – stoic and unmoving. The ties that held me to this earth had been released, floating away in the wind like a dandelion seed. I was broken beyond repair crumbling into dust in places that had once been so strong. Fear slowly melting away at my strong exterior like the wind did strong stone wearing it away to nothing more than fine dust. Was I too doomed to become nothing more than dust? Fragments of bone lying beneath the ground without a name? Was I doomed to become just another of the nameless dead in this situation, another body among the Muggles who had not even been granted any mercy in death, simply because they were not of magical birth. It was almost unfathomable to think that somehow, by some small unlikely glitch in this system, I was born to non-magical parents. That I had been both blessed and cursed to live this life. More blessed than cursed. For a time magic was my curse, and I believed it to be my fault. But now, I believed it to be so much more, not a curse, but a hidden blessing. The very reason it was a blessing lay right beside me and as much as I feared for him, I loved him. I felt as though I were on the verge of tears. I needed to get it off my chest. I needed to tell someone.

"_I'm scared Draco_," I whisper to him believing he was asleep, simply to get it off my chest,

"You and me both," he replied taking me into his arms by surprise, as the heaving sobs took control of my body shaking me until every last tear had dried from my eyes.

I vowed that I would not shed another tear for myself under self pity until that moment came when I could live in true happiness and freedom, in a life free of Lord Voldemort. When that moment came, I would weep for my loses and those I would never see again, but when that day finally came I would weep also for the beginning of my freedom from fear.

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**Dedicated To: **_My Reviewers, although I do not have the time to respond to all your amazing, beautiful and magnificent reviews be aware that I read them all and appreciate every single one of them. Never did I ever imagine having more than 50 reviews, let alone 225! I love each and every one of them and I look forward to those you leave in the future. You all rock!_

**Author's Note: **_I'd just like to thank everyone for their continuing support with this story, and I would just like to thank you all for the excited and amazing reviews and messages I received with the last chapter. Thank you, they mean the world to me. Let's see if we can break the 240 mark before the next chapters up!_


	71. When Was The Last Time You Paused?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventy One: When Was The Last Time You Paused?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

I awoke, with a single word upon my lips: _Voldemort_.

The house had fallen silent. Not a sound echoed through the lifeless walls, I could not even hear the lifeless sound of my own breathing almost as crackly and wheezy as the last breathe of a dying man. I crawled along the ground, keeping crouched as low and as parallel to the ground as possible. Staying entirely silent. I was careful to avoid any of the floorboards I knew would creak unwelcomely. I continued to stay low to the ground, it was better to be safe than sorry. In a world as chaotic as this it was difficult to be sure what was a false alarm and what was really happening before my own eyes. My heart pounded in my chest. _Thud. Thud. Thud_. I could hear the rhythmic beating in my ears. It was only minutes ago that I was laying almost peacefully in a half-dozing state, yet a loud crash had brought me back to this world. _There was someone within the house_. I had carefully pulled myself to my knees and begun the long crawl across the living room floor to where Draco lay sleeping over the arm of the large couch in the centre of the room.

I heard a strange set of footsteps upon the hardwood floor as the person within the house approached the living room. _Thud. Thud. Thud._ Went their footsteps upon the floor, the same rhythm as the beating of my heart. I felt the air escape my lungs as though they had suddenly deflated as they stopped outside the closed door. I held my breath, praying that they would not open the door. I realised Draco was in open range, completely unprotected if that door opened and a Death Eater stepped in. I summoned what little courage I had left and begun the painstakingly gruelling crawl across the floor to where Draco lay sprawled across the armchair. I grabbed the corner of his shirt and tugged it viciously in an attempt to wake him without him making a sound. In my haste I clasped a cold hand over his mouth and pulled him off the armchair and onto the ground with a soft thud. He awoke instantly his eyes widening in fear.

"There someone in the house." I whisper in his ear, crouching low enough so that it was barely more than a mere whisper at all.

"Who?" He mouthed back.

I shook my head dragging him further back out of sight of the door. He eyes still remained widened in fear. He was looking around desperately for something, I looked at him and he mouthed a single word at me: "_Wand_" I looked back at the place I had been resting, my wand lay half tucked under my mattress. I glanced around the room looking for Draco's wand; I found it lying upon the ground near the door. It had rolled well and truly beyond our reach. I crawled to my knees, half considering crawling to my bedding to grab the wand, but for the moment our best chance remained in hiding, they would know we were here, and we could not Dissaparate without our wands. Without them we would be as defenceless as truly possible. The footsteps creaked away from the door with very little sound being produced, almost entirely silent as if they meant to unnerve us before finally finding us hiding in a corner of one of the rooms.

I wondered as I crouched there, how many of them, they did not exactly have a title at this very moment there were, without this house. It seemed almost frightening that someone had found us so soon, with so many protective charms placed around the building I had truly doubted anyone could have found a way in or around them. Yet they had. Or more importantly how it was they had made it into the building. Then I remembered… I had awoken with his name upon lips. Had I in some fit of utter half-sleeping confusion actually said his name? If I had it would explain how they had made it into the building, the taboo spell rendered all protective spells such as those I had placed upon this building entirely useless. It would also mean that there was something far worse than Death Eaters in this house – Snatchers. I had heard rumours, horrible rumours of what they did to those they found. I had heard they were ruthless and above all else completely dominated by their desire to make it into Voldemort's inner circle by any means possible, even if it did involve handing over the lives of Muggle-borns and blood traitors who had made an attempt to run from their fate.

It hardly seemed fair that this was the life which awaited many. To be captured by people who were nothing more than ruthless criminals wishing to be glorified by a master who would never acknowledge them unless they had something or someone of value on offer. The very most these people could offer him at this point in time was me or Draco, and in terms of bargaining, I think we'd fetch a rather high price due to most likely being on Voldemort's list of priorities in regards to Harry. They thought I could tell them where he was. They thought I would know something as seemingly simple as this, but the truth was, I didn't know anything of the sort. Draco grabbed the hem of my shirt as I attempted to crawl towards my wand and shook his head, etching a single word in the dust behind the couch, "Snatchers". He too had come to the conclusion on what lay beyond that door, or rather who. I wondered how it was he knew, or rather what he knew about the Death Eaters and never told me. Did he know of how many of them moved at once, or how exactly it was that they raided a house? Would he know simple details like this or were they classified even to Draco?

There came a sound from the corridor._ Thud. Thud. Thud. _My heart raced once again as the doorhandle turned slowly and whispers filled the air, almost as though they saw no need to fear us and we only had every reason to fear them. Essentially this was true, but not in the way it was meant to be true. Rather, in the way that we knew we were cornered and had absolutely no way to get out of this mess or even fight back against it. I doubted we could have been overly successful, it could have been as many as ten to one and we would never have known. Apparently there was some good money in becoming a Snatcher for the Death Eaters; everyone knew although they technically served the Ministry of Magic they first and foremost served the Death Eaters, most of them attempting to begin a long line of servitude to Voldemort for their families and their future generations. Many were simply attempting to make the switch to the winning side before it was too late. Cowards, that's all these people were and to me, it's all they would ever be.

The door slid open slowly as though even these Snatchers doubted that we were within this room and by some small chance had managed to escape before they had surrounded the house and cut off all exits. I held my breath as the footsteps echoed across the room, whispers of confusion that they could not find anyone. For a moment hope rose within my chest that we may have made it out of this alive. Hope, which survived until it was completely destroyed by a single sentence, in which my entire body froze and hope completely vanished.

"Overturn the furniture; they might be hiding in or behind it."

"_Accio Wands_!" I screamed jumping to my feet outstretching my hand, I had seen Dumbledore one perform magic without a wand, I had several times when I was young, I just hoped I could at this moment.

"They're here! Send word to the Manor, we have Potter's girlfriend and the Malfoy traitor!" A woman cried happily as the wands flew straight into my hand.

"You'll do nothing of the sort," Draco called standing up from behind the couch grabbing his wand from my outstretched hand, "leave or this shall only end badly for everyone."

"You think you can take us on?" The woman who had just spoken sneered, she was by no means an attractive woman, in fact she looked as though she was the spawn of the a Banshee and the Werewolf, I almost pitied her to look like that, of course that was until I realised she did mean to hand us over to the Death Eaters.

"Don't come any closer and lower your wands." I ordered motioning for them to drop their wands,

"Or what?"

"Or… This – _Petrificus totalus_!" I cried pointing my wand at the woman, her body instantly being stiff as she fell to the ground, "Who's next?"

A man run forward his face covered entirely by his cloak, his speed was unnatural, almost as though he were something other than human in his approach. I took a step back tripping on the slightly raised floorboard behind my foot and landing roughly on the ground my wand flying from my hand. As I looked up I saw the figure looming above me his hood falling back and his dark grey eyes falling upon me. Its face was horribly disfigured, almost as though something had torn into it with a blunt object millions of times and he'd managed to survive. I recognised the face as that of Fenrir Greyback. I gasped and pushed myself backwards as a smile played on the edge of his lips. I reached blindly for my wand growing increase frantic in my attempts to place my hands upon it.

"_Protego_!" Draco cried throwing up a shield between me and Greyback giving me enough time to grab my wand and climb to my feet just in time for the shield charm to shatter.

Draco grabs me and pulls me aside as several jets of light pierce the air shooting in all directions. I roll onto the ground by instinct to avoid them the couches overturning around me. I scrambled along the floor shooting random curses at the figures in an attempt to defend myself and drag myself to my feet. I realise the door is well and truly unprotected, as they run at Draco and I. I decide to make a break for it; this could be my last chance. Everything happens in slow motion as though the world has stopped turning around me as I grab Draco's hand and pull him towards the door. For a brief moment hope rises in my chest as a screech of horror pierces the air as I leap over a chair and just that bit closer to the door. I am going to make it.

For a moment I pause, the world seems to be screaming at me to run, yet I cannot hear it. Nor do I wish to hear it. A dark shape in the doorway before me and draws a wand and I hear a single_: Thud. Thud. Thud _in my ears and the world goes silent around me. Everything slows down even more greatly around me as everything seems to come to an ultimate grinding halts. In but a brief second I feel a heavy force in my chest as Draco pushes me aside and a jet of bronze light hits him squarely in the chest. He falls to the ground the last word upon his lips lingering upon his face – my name. He hits the ground without a sound before I can even scramble towards him or crawl to my feet, my scream is caught in my throat as I realise he is no crawling to his feet. I break this momentary pause to scream as I realise _he is_ _moving no more…

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_

**Dedicated To: **_The Girl Who Is Over Twilight. So marks your second birthday novel, I hope this one is just as good as the others, and in regards to this, I hope you like the ending you've been waiting so long for._

**Author's Note: **_Okay guys, sorry it took so long, I had my final end-of-year-exams last week and I was absolutely too busy to write at all, even when I had half of this chapter done! Plus, tonight in exactly 3.45 hours NaNo WriMo begins for me so don't be expecting any updates next month. If you don't know what NaNo is, just Google it and take a look, it's a great program and I positively love doing it every year. I'd encourage everyone to give it a shot even if they mightn't be able to finish it, you learn so much in the process! So until December 1__st__ keep reviewing and Happy Halloween!_

_x Shadow_

_(Yes, an evil cliff-hanger *rubs hands together mischievously* MWUHAHAHAH!)_


	72. When Was The Last Time You Bled?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventy Two: When Was The Last Time You Bled?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

"_The more you sweat in peacetime, the less you__bleed__during war.__"

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_

My world stopped, time came to a complete halt around me. I could feel the pressure of my heart beating wildly in my chest, so much so that I thought in these moments where the world had fallen utterly silent it would break in two. A gasp escaped my lips, followed by a small whimper as I reached for Draco desperately; I needed to see if he was still breathing, if he was alive, or if he'd left me in this mess alone. I grabbed for him trying desperately to find a pulse, as my hand reached his neck I felt a hand clasp my mouth muffling my terrified scream. I felt my hair being pulled from behind with great force, dragging me away from Draco towards the door, the hand was removed from my mouth allowing me to scream frantically, hoping someone would hear me. Tears poured from my eyes, a response to the pain I felt rising in my chest. I could no longer feel the physical pain they were inflicting upon me.

That was until the blade stroked across my forearm.

An unearthly scream pierced the air, I did not realise that it was my own until I felt the lack of breath that followed. I did not realise that the haggard, unnatural scream was my own, that the sound I'd just heard with my own ears was capable of being produced by humans. I struggled to drawn in air; I lunched forwards, the bile rising in my throat spilling the contents of my stomach across the floor. I could feel the warmth of blood running across my flesh and once again the blade stroked across my forearm, my screams piercings the air once more. It was an unnatural pain, something that nobody should ever have to feel, yet I'd had a taste of it twice in under a minute, even the thought of it happening again was pure torture. I wrestled against the arms holding me down, trying to get a grip on myself and my body which continued to thrash around like a fish removed from water. My muscles continued to spasm without direction, flicking about in all directions, even against the natural order they were placed in.

She noticed one of the hooded figures descending upon Draco, his body was lying there still, that was until a pale white hand outstretched towards him brushing his skin lightly and with a loud popping sound was gone.

"Draco!" I screamed managing to reach for where he lay but finding another Death Eater descending upon me, a cold hand brushed against my hand and I felt the overwhelming motion of Disapparation.

I opened my eyes in a large open room, I was screaming for Draco helplessly thrashing about on the ground. There were four Death Eaters pinning my limbs down, stopping me from moving. We were not alone in this room, there were two teenagers kneeling on the ground, one with red hair and one with black. Panic struck me heavily in the chest. Harry and Ron had been captured, high above from a staircase Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy descended from upstairs. They were followed closely by Bellatrix Lestrange who seemed to be bouncing with joy. Her sadistic voice was cackling as she giggled and clapped in pure joy, I'd never seen her happy and I had half a mind never to wish to see it again, it was positively frightening. I felt my muscles contract once again as I fought against the grip upon my arms and legs, struggling to get free.

Draco had been placed in the centre of the floor, he still wasn't moving, I wanted get up and scream, I wanted to help him, I knew we could still save him! I felt a hand press over my mouth stopping me from doing so. I fought, digging my nails into their rough calloused flesh drawing a small amount of blood and a large shriek. It was a male holding me, he smelt as though he'd never washed in his life. I continued to claw my nails into his skin, praying that he would let go, my efforts were rewarded eventually, he let go with a final cry and I was free sprinting into the centre of the room, I dived for his body but as my hand enclosed on his he was swept from my grasp and moved towards his parents. I looked up; surely there were tears in my eyes? How could there not be? I was numb; I could no longer feel anything, unsteady on my feet and lightheaded I could feel the blood seeping down my arm, soaking through my shirt.

"Don't you dare touch him with your Mudblood hands!" Narcissa Malfoy cried,

"Filthy girl, you dare touch him!" Bellatrix cried,

"Like you're any better!" I cried, "The blood of hundreds of innocents is upon your hands, you're not any different from me, blood-wise, I've not got the blood of those innocents whose lives did not deserve to be ended so early upon my hands. I'm better than you, my blood may not be as 'pure' as yours, but it's better. It will always be better; at least I can say I'm not a discriminative murderer like you."

"You have no right to speak to me like that!" She cried drawing a knife from her pocket,

"You think I care? You have taken everything from me! Now, you're trying to take the last thing I have, I'm not going to let you do that, not without a fight!"

"A fight? You think you can defeat an army of these proportions?"

"I will if it means my best friends can walk out of here alive…"

"'mione! What are you doing?" Ron managed to cry from behind his gag,

"Saving you, Ron. I'm not leaving you here to die. I can't and I won't…"

"Don't be stupid, silly girl. We have no intentions of letting you or your friends walk out of here alive, you'll all be dragged out, dead."

My heart was racing; it was the only thing I could feel in my numb body. I had no wand, I was entirely defenceless. I stood here alone, trapped within a circle of Death Eaters. Despite the pace at which my heart pounded in my chest, I wasn't afraid. If I were afraid I might have been shaking, or I may have been thinking about running away but I wasn't. I'd lost my ability to feel fear; if I couldn't fear them then I was left only with the courage I had left. I was a Gryffindor, I am a Gryffindor. Nothing could take that from me, even these people. First things first, I needed a wand. I stood no chance without one, I could not hope to defend myself without some form of weapon, and if I could not fight I would truly stand no chance. There was a loud crash from an area beneath the house, almost as though something large had collapsed.

"Lock them in the cellar!" Bellatrix shrieked pointing at Harry and Ron, "We cannot risk their escape!"

"What about her?" The hooded man with the bleeding hand asked grabbing me from behind once again, his voice was more of a hiss than actual properly formulated words,

"Leave her; I'll deal with this one, _personally_..." Bellatrix replied,

"Like hell you will!" I cried pushing him backwards and reaching into his pocket drawing out his wand and pointing it directly at Bellatrix,

"You think you can fight me?" She hissed,

"I know I can, and I will if it means they survive. I'm prepared to die if it means that they survive."

"'mione no!" Ron screamed as they dragged him forcefully down a small flight of stairs, he was fighting against the Death Eaters holding him with as much force as he could manage,

"Ron, let me do this. For once, do what I tell you, please?" I asked looking straight into his eyes, "Please?" I whispered,

He nodded turning his head down for a moment giving up his fight, before looking me in the eye one final time and resuming his struggle. Harry was not struggling, he was walking down calmly almost as though he had a plan, I knew better, and even Harry did not have a plan for a situation like this. I held the wand tightly in my hand, many of the Death Eaters had their backs' turned, facing Harry and Ron, some were cheering, others were hissing. It was hard to tell whether they were glad that it was all coming to an end, or whether they were worried, perhaps worried that there would be nothing for them to do once Harry had been polished off. Would they still exist in the mind of a man they served so willingly if he had everything he could ever have asked or wished for? It was strange how tense everyone had become, the group dynamics had changed greatly and in my opinion everyone was looking a little worse for wear.

Lucius Malfoy looked as though he'd reached breaking point, almost as though he'd only just woken up with a horrific hangover, Narcissa, although impeccably dressed looked tired, as though something had stressed her to the point of not being able to sleep. I wondered, whether it was Draco, her only son. She seemed to care more strongly about him than Lucius did; perhaps his betrayal and sudden departure from Hogwarts had taken its toll upon her. How had my actions taken a toll upon my own Mother? How had they affected her for years to come? If anything should happen to her, I thought, it would be all my fault, no-one else's. I could barely stand the thought. I placed my wand behind my back and confounded everyone I noticed to not be paying attention, no-one would know the difference for some time, unless they attempted to speak, it might become obvious if that occurred. The cheering continued and hissing continued as Harry vanished from sight, in that time I managed to confound several more Death Eaters, for a group which rose to power so quickly, there were not many intelligent individuals within their ranks.

Once they had vanished, the attention suddenly turned once again to me, although only from my vantage point could I see just how many of them I had managed to confound, it was obvious as they were not even sure what they should be looking at, some were looking out the large windows, others at walls or other inanimate objects. Bellatrix was running her finger along the sharp edge of the knife within her hand; Narcissa was whispering rapidly to her, Draco's name was only just audible and used twice within the conversation. I suddenly realised that his life could be in no threat, surely someone would have done something if it were, surely one of these people, his mother or even his father would have attempted to do something if his life was in danger. I smiled, I had the upper hand once again, their weapons against me had been limited, they would not risk Draco's life, he knew too much, he knew more than he should have, not only about me, but potentially Harry and Ron too. They would not kill him, they would make it seem as though he was dead to cause me to crack first.

He was simply a pawn in their carefully played game of chess, unknowingly we'd walked straight into their trap, bleeding and broken we'd fallen straight into their hands after weeks of trying to avoid it. It'd been my fault, I'd triggered the taboo curse in my sleep, I knew it had to have been me. The snatchers were upon the house so quickly there was no other way to describe how such a thing could have happened. If anything happened to Draco, I would be the one responsible. So many lives now hung in the balance of my own. Bellatrix took a step forwards towards me, and in an instant I realised what I had to do, I pulled the wand from behind my back and shot a disarming curse at her, causing the knife to fly from her hand, landing in between Lucius's feet. He looked at me in shock, the look becoming stuck upon his face aside from his eyes which darted from side to side as his now fully bound body fell to the floor.

I ducked, running through the group of confounded wizards and witched behind me, pushing them towards Bellatrix and the other still capable wizards and witches who were now closing in upon me. I noticed one of them entering the cellar again, I backed myself against a wall, and begun to fire every curse I could think of at them, I smashed all the windows as they passed them, the shards of glass slicing through the skin of those closest to the windows causing them to fall back. Bellatrix seemed to be more determined than the others. She also seemed to be more skilled at blocking curses than many of the others. He smiled twisted upwards as one of the curses cast by a woman behind her flew wayward and hit the large pillar I stood against, I felt the ground shake beneath me as the pillar cracked, "_Protego Totalum_!" I cried ducking to the ground to avoid most of the force of the solid marble collapsing upon me.

There was a shriek of victory from several people as the rubble fell upon me; I emerged from the safety of the shield charm once the dust had settled to see Draco standing at the top of the stairs with a knife pressed to his throat, his aunt holding him roughly by the hair. "I told you," She shrieked, "I told you she'd survive it! Let's see how she survives this!"

"NO!" I screamed sprinting forwards towards the stairs, just in time to see Ron and Harry burst up from the stairs, firing curses in all directions, I noticed one of the wands they had was Draco's, they must have grabbed them when they were being moved, the other wand however I did not recognise.

Chaos erupted within the room, there were spells being cast in all directions, rebounded from all surfaces. I stood utterly still, Draco's eyes locked upon mine. I felt a sharp shove in my side and I fell sideways, Ron landing atop me as a jet of bright green light shot straight through the place I had just stood. I looked at him, "Leave. NOW." I hissed,

"I can't."

"You have to. I can handle this. Please? Please do this for me?"

I heard a loud pop, Dobby appearing beside Harry just behind me; Ron stood and ran towards Harry. Bellatrix noticed Dobby's appearance also, her eyes widened as Ron grabbed for Harry's hand, the knife leaving Draco's neck and entering the airspace between herself and Harry. She shoved Draco forwards, his weakened but now conscious body being thrown forwards down the stairs, I climbed to my feet, only in time to feel the knife enter my side slicing through my skin before vanishing within the blur of Dobby, Harry and Ron disapparating, closely followed by popping sound I heard. I fell once again to the floor, blood gushing from the wound. Tears came to my eyes, the pain was too intense to imagine I closed my eyes as a hand pressed against my own and I was sucked backwards before being thrown across the rough ground. I'd just been moved to another location in the roughest means I could imagine, the cut in my side may have widened with the impact of my landing judging by the pain.

I opened my eyes to see Draco staring down at me, his hands pressed down against the wound, he continued to mutter the same words, "Don't you dare die, Hermione! I love you!"

But finally, as it should have happened earlier, the blood loss became too much and I lost all consciousness, safe in the knowledge that my blood being shed had saved the lives of those I loved.

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**Dedicated To: **_You, if you stuck with me even during the long month-long break, particularly if you've done it twice now, you're all amazing._

**Author's Note: **_I'm back with another NaNo WriMo victory under my belt, I actually finished three days early this year! My 10,000 word closing day was like a marathon effort for me. I decided to get straight back into the writing of my beloved fanfiction, I found myself craving it during week two, and I'm so glad that I'm back again! In any other given situation I'd have apologised for the cliff-hanger, but this is where the real adventure begins! (And plus how many of you came back on the 1__st__ just to see whether I would post?)Keep up the reviews I'm loving every single one of them, I'll be making a big effort to reply to all the ones I receive in the next two months, so be sure to ask any questions you may have!_


	73. When Was The Last Time You Offended?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventy Three: When Was The Last Time You Offended?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

_"When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself."_

* * *

I awoke lying on the rough, uneven ground, the night sky wide open before me, the constellations twinkling at me from above. I blinked, the lights in the sky above blurred together uncomfortably causing me to feel more disorientated than I already felt, that was, if it were at all possible. I sat up carefully to peer about my surroundings, in the hope to gain some idea of my whereabouts but my head begun to spin once more. I quickly lay down once again, reaching for my wand before coming to the realisation that there was nothing to be found. I opened my eyes once again; there was only me and the sky and the overwhelming sense of loneliness that had fallen over me. I ran my hand over my forehead, there was a rough line on my hairline - a scar, and surrounding it there was a layer of dried blood, I could tell it was a recent wound, but I couldn't quite remember how I had obtained it.

I pushed myself up before realising that the strange, sharp pain I felt was coming from the wound in my side which seemed to tear as I sat up. It was this wound which seemed to be the source of every small amount of pain I felt. I could not move, more importantly, I was unable to move physically, near immobilised by pain. It was unlike any pain I had felt before, almost as though the wound was different from any sort of normal cut I'd ever had previous to this one. I placed my hand on the wound, only to find that it burnt beyond any pain I'd ever experienced in such a cut before. I could not help but scream out in terror as blood begun to pour from the wound once again. In a brief second, everything come flooding back to me, the snatchers, the battle and seeing Harry and Ron.

I crawled to my feet, propping myself up against a tree. I was fighting the urge to lie back down upon the cold ground. I glanced around, hoping that Draco would appear soon, there was a strange wind blowing through this clearing, a familiarity to these woods. There was something I recognised about the way the moss hung from the trees, and the eerie silence which blanketed the place like a deadly and contagious disease. There was something that was not entirely right about this place; it was unsettling and rather disorientating. A heaving cough racked my body, a small pool of blood pouring into my hands. Looking down into the crimson pool within my hands I began to shake, only slightly at first, but within minutes it was impairing my ability to stand.

I collapsed at the base of the tree and curled into a small ball and continued to shake without any signs of it stopping. I was not cold, but I recognised the signs of extreme blood loss. Even I, with my total lack of medical knowledge, knew that I was in quite a lot of trouble. I was hunched in the same position when finally Draco reappeared, but he was not alone, he was closely followed by an older woman carrying a small box in her hands.

"Miss Granger?" She asked, her voice sounded familiar to me,

"Hermione?" Draco asked, "How did you move?"

"I moved myself…" I whimpered, "I was looking for you."

"Please don't move," the woman replied, "it will only do you more harm."

"Madam Pomfrey?" I asked, finally recognising the voice,

"Yes, Miss Granger." She replied,

"Will I survive?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly, "it's a large wound, the blade may have even been cursed."

"Is that a bad thing?" Draco asked,

"Potentially, it depends on what sort of curse the blade carried."

"We're in the Forbidden Forest!" I gasped, attempting to sit up,

"Please stay still!" Madam Pomfrey replied, pressing a damp cloth to the wound, it burnt and hissed slightly a gentle green smoke rising from the wound,

"We have to go! We have to leave!" I cried, "She'll tell Snape where we are!"

"Do you want me to treat her or not?" She asked Draco, looking at me,

"Please, I can't let her die. She means too much to me!"

"Well, please keep her quiet and still, she is only causing herself more damage the more she moves. There may be internal bleeding and there is nothing I can do if she continues to move like this. The more she moves the more risk she is being placed in."

Draco grabbed my shoulders, pinning me to the ground, and with the most desperate pleading voice I'd heard from him he whispered, "Please, please Hermione, these wounds; they are beyond my skill to heal. You have to keep quiet and hold still, please, for me. This wound, it could kill you. I know, I know we can't stay here for long, I know it's dangerous but please, don't offend me by saying I'd bring someone here who would seek to hurt us. You are so much smarter than that, Hermione."

"Draco?" I asked, "Am I going to die?"

"Not if I can help it…" He replied,

"Why won't anyone give me a definitive answer? Is it really that bad?" I asked, the panic rising in my voice,

"Hermione, it's not good," Draco replied, "the wound, it's larger than we first anticipated. Knowing Bella, there's something she will have done to that blade to ensure that there is no way her victims would be able to escape without a fight. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from her or my family. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from being dragged by those snatchers to Malfoy Manor. I'm sorry; I couldn't protect you from all of that when I said I would. I've failed you… I failed the both of us."

"You're only offending yourself by saying these horrible things about yourself, Draco, you haven't failed anyone…" I whimpered,

"I've failed you, repetitively." He whispered,

"How?" I asked,

"I was given a mission that would redeem me and my family if I should have succeeded, this mission would have brought my family back from the brink of destruction at the You Know Who's hands. My family wouldn't have to die for my mistakes if I could prove with one simple murder that I was capable, they'd live. I was selfish, Hermione, I said yes, I didn't want to die and as much as I told everyone I had done this for my mother and father, it was for my own selfish reasons that I had done this. I only said yes so I wouldn't be a failure in their eyes anymore. Do you know what it's like, Hermione, to live in the knowledge that you would always be a failure and disappointment in the eyes of all those that you're supposed to love?

"You'd never be able to imagine it. It's like being worthless, or beyond worthless. It's like knowing you have no place within the circle of those who raised and cared for you as a child. I bet you can't, but I know, I know you know how it feels to have no place and I realised that the moment I chose to sit in the carriage opposite you on the train that day. I had no idea that you'd been through so much more than I could ever have imagined before you managed to make it onto that train. For everything they'd told me, there was so much more that they had not, they had not told me how broken you would look, how broken you'd be left from your friends abandoning you. They'd not told me just how easily you'd snapped under the pressure.

"I never imagined that you'd be fine with what had happened, I knew you'd struggle with it. I just didn't imagine the sort of things you'd put yourself through to secure your families safety. I never imagined you'd do that to your parents or that you'd be physically able to. You are so much stronger than you think; barely anyone would be able to do that to someone they know, let alone their own family. You did it because you were strong enough to do what had to be done to protect them. Just like you sacrificed your own happiness, time after time during the school year to protect anyone who needed it. You put your neck on the line for those who couldn't protect themselves, and you did it more than once, hell you did it more times than I could count.

"You are so much stronger than they say you are. You're stronger than they know you to be, that makes you dangerous to them. That makes you a threat to their whole operation. Alone, you didn't seem to be much of a threat, that's why they sent me; I never thought you'd change me like you have. I never expected to fall in love with you, nor did I ever expect to actually want to protect you. I suppose they go hand in hand. You once said to me that you have to do what's right, well, for the first time I feel that call to do the right thing. I've never done that before and you made it feel good, you made protecting people and doing the right thing for once actually feel worthwhile, you changed that. You've changed so much and by doing that I've failed you.

"That ring, you wear, that one I gave you for Christmas, it's supposed to protect you from things like this. I want it to mean so much more than it does already; I want it to be my promise to you that I won't abandon you, and that I'll love you until the day I die. I want it to be a symbol of a promise I've made to you so that when this is all over, you know I'll still be waiting for you, I want it to be the promise that I'm in love with you and am willing to wait forever to be with you. Will you accept that no matter what happens, no matter where we go, what we do, the things we see or the crimes we're forced to commit, I will always, unconditionally love you. No matter, what my parents' say, no matter what they would do because of my betrayal, I want that ring, to symbolise how you've changed me and the result of that change.

"I've waited too long to tell you this, I've waited until you stand on the brink of life and death, and to me for one as intelligent as you that's almost offensive, you should have known all this by now. I should have told you ages ago when I had the chance, I've had so many chances and in each of those I have failed. Each and every day I continue to fail you and I won't do it again. I don't want to see that look of disappointment on your face, that same look I see in the eyes of my parents when I think back to the ball, I'd rather see it in their eyes forever than to ever see it in your eyes. I want to grow old with you, have a few children, can you imagine it? A happy life, Hermione, a life free from all this pain, all this suffering and anger. A peaceful life, one from free war… I can see it, Hermione, the question is, can you?"

I rolled my head over to face him, there was only a little energy left in my body, "I can, Draco. I really can see it."

"Hold on, Hermione. Hold on and wait for that life, the life I've promised you. You just need to make it through this, it won't be long, we just need to heal the wound in your stomach."

"Draco, don't humour me, I know it's not looking good. I could have told you that from the moment I tried to stand up. I need you to do something for me, if I don't make it. Find Harry and Ron, and tell them I've told you to help them finish what they've already begun, tell them, I believed the ring will open at the close…" I whispered closing my eyes as a sharp tug came from my stomach.

"I don't think there'll be much need for that…" Madam Pomfrey whispered, "I've managed to seal the wound."

"Really?" Draco asked,

"Yes, she'll have to care for it for some time, but I expect her to make a full recovery, the curse simply kept the wound from closing by natural means, for now I've worked around it, she'll need to keep it clean and dressed, but I expect her to make a full recovery over some time."

"Thank you…" Draco whispered, "From the both of us."

"I do not think I could leave her in the hands of your medical talents once again, Mr Malfoy. From experience I've found them to be quite frightening."

"Don't offend me, Madam," Draco joked, "I was told I'd make a fine young Healer."

"Merlin help us all when that day comes!" she cried,

"Indeed," I whispered softly, opening my eyes to look at Draco, "Merlin, help us all."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_My Father, thank you for everything you've done for me this week._

**Author's Note: **_So, two chapters already this week, what's going on? The truth is: I'm actually going on a small trip for a few days next week so there won't be too much in the way of posting, however, please accept this chapter as my apology in advance. Thank you all for your reviews and keep them up for when I return!_


	74. When Was The Last Time You Shared?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Seventy Four: When Was The Last Time You Shared?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Keep your fears to yourself, but __share __your courage with others.__"_

* * *

We moved quickly, never stopping in a single place for long enough to become familiar with the surroundings. In some ways it was security that had us doing this, in other ways it was fear. I didn't wish to live in fear any longer, but the aftermath of our brief visit to Malfoy Manor still hung aloft in the air like an unpleasant smell. The effects of course, were not a smell, but rather the wound in my side which would twinge uncomfortably on occasion, usually followed in the next few hours by a crippling pain which rendered me entirely useless to Draco. He never said anything, but even I could see this taking a toll on him, it had taken its toll on me, the pain alone had, but this, with Draco was different. It was not the sort of toll I would have expected – guilt.

He never mentioned it, in fact, he rarely spoke anymore. I knew he could hear me attempting to muffle my screams of agony late at night, and often I would wake to him holding me tightly in his arms having passed out from the pain. I could not imagine having to hear those screams he had endured so much pain for me already, the mere thought of him having to endure even more nearly broke my heart. There were moments when the fear that came with doubt set in, and the option to leave was more appealing than the option to stay. Secretly, I felt that by leaving I could save him from his pain. There would be those moments late at night where it seemed like the better option, I didn't wish to be the cause of this sort of guilt, I couldn't.

I glanced across at the clock opposite me, it was four o'clock in the morning and I'd still not found sleep. Across from me, Draco slept peacefully on the couch. I had told him I would wake him when it was his turn to guard us, but I had no intentions of doing so. Asleep, he looked peaceful and carefree. The lines that denoted his fear and worry seemed to vanish while he slept, he looked younger and happier. Who would I be to take that away from him?

I felt my eyes droop, finally. It was foolish of me not to wake him, but I wanted him to sleep. We were in no immediate danger, and a guard was not even entirely necessary. I had barely slept at all but now found myself awaking to the quiet sound of the television playing and its bright phosphorescent glow reaching my eyes. I rolled over to see Draco sitting in the armchair, his eyes affixed to the small glowing box with a look of awe in his eyes. It was easy to forget that he would have grown up without Muggle electronics like a television. I noticed a small wry smile on his lips alongside the greatest look of triumph in his eyes. He was only watching the news, but something had changed.

"I see you got the television working?" I asked.

"Yes," He replied. "they're strange thing, these televisions. It's hard to imagine how the Muggles have done so well for themselves without magic."

"They're clever, most Wizards don't realise that. They've done something a lot of Wizards would never even consider – lived without magic. In some ways I think that is to be admired."

"You were raised by Muggles, you've got an appreciation for their world."

"I have more than an appreciation, Draco." I whispered. "I have a love for it. It may no longer be the place I call home, but it's the place I was raised and although it was not always the most pleasant place to live it's a place I cherish with all my heart."

"All my life I've wondered what it would be like to be a Muggle. To be powerless and defenceless, but I've always thought it would be the worst kind of existence and never wished for such a thing. I didn't realise they had a whole world outside of magic, most people, like my parents, made it seem as though they spent their entire existence wishing they were like us. Is that not the truth?"

"Draco, you've been in a Muggle studies class, no matter how twisted and deranged the teacher you must have been able to gather they went on existing without so much as a thought as to the existence of our world."

"You're right. I've lived in the impression of a lie my entire life." He whispered.

I sighed, "It's not that great being a wizard or a witch among them, you can't tell anyone and it's almost like they know. You're almost outcast because they can sense you're not like them." I paused for a minute before continuing. "Look at Harry, his aunt and uncle treated him appallingly and not to mention how the other kids treated me at school."

"But you're smart, perhaps that played a factor in the whole mess?" He questioned.

"I don't deny that it did, but this went beyond the usual torment. Some wouldn't even speak to me almost as if I could never really be one of them."

Draco looked down at the ground, "So you love a place that never showed you any love at all?"

I smiled; remembering the holidays my parents had taken me on, the countries I had seen and the places I vowed I would return to one day if given the chance. They were the places I cherished more than anything, Paris from our Holiday one Christmas where it transpired I really could not ski no matter the number of books I read on the subject matter, picturesque Dublin and those trips right into London where my mother would never neglect to take me into a bookstore and allow me to pick something of my choice. They were the places I held dear memories of, places I never wanted to leave but always had to, perhaps they would still be waiting for me when all this was over. Perhaps they stood some sort of chance against all the evil in this world. If they didn't, I just didn't know what could. If those three cities could not withstand falling to ruin amidst the destruction caused by Voldemort's armies I doubted even Harry stood a slight chance.

"I love the Muggle world for its complexities, for the talents of those without magic and for the completely irrational way that it seems to work. It's the world I love for the reasons I should almost hate it. I've never told anyone that before." I whispered.

"Is it almost as complicated as the way I love my Father, despite his faults and his insanity, the way he abuses his power and influence is awful, but I still love him in a way I can't understand. It's the incomprehensible link between a father and a son which ties us no matter what. I can hate him all I want for what he's done, but I cannot deny that somewhere, somehow I love him." Draco whispered.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"Because, if I die, I want you to take me back to my mother and father and have them bury me beside my grandparents. I want you to tell them that I loved them no matter what my actions said."

"Are we really having this conversation?" I asked. "The whole, if I die, my last wishes talk?"

"These days are getting darker, I fear that one day the darkness will be all I know and when it reaches that point I fear it'll be too late for the final wishes discussion."

I placed my hands down on the coffee table before me, "Draco, if I die I need you to do something very important for me. My parents are in Australia, you need to find Wendell and Monica Wilkins, and they'll be able to help you find them. It's essential that you only find them once this is over and you know without a doubt they will be safe. There's a memory charm upon them, take them to St. Mungo's and tell the Healer's what I've done, tell them to remove it so that they know their names and their profession and all the basics excluding my existence. I don't to know what I did to them only to go and die before I could right the wrongs of my actions."

"Is that fair?"

"What they don't know can't hurt them. I'd like to keep it that way if I can."

His hands tightened on the armchair, almost as though this had turned against him and become a conversation he wished he had never had. I took the photo of my parents and I from my bag and copied it with a flick of my wand. I handed it to them.

"Monica and Wendell Wilkins will lead you to these people in this photo, my parents. You need to find them and fix what I've done. I'm trusting you to do this and you're the only one I will trust. Tell them who you are and what you mean to me, only call me '_Hermione_', Monica will know who I am and she will trust you."

It was a risk telling him this, whether or not she would remember me would be another problem entirely. I hoped that perhaps her slip of the tongue as she drove from my life was an indication that she sub-consciously knew me. Perhaps it was a desperate hope that she had not forgotten me despite what I had done to her. Perhaps that link that Draco had spoken of between parents and their children was what I was feeling. Perhaps he yearned to feel loved by his father, but I yearned merely to see them one last time and know that they hadn't forgotten me. Perhaps it would make me feel as though I had not forsaken them to an involuntary life they could never escape from.

In all this mess I wanted to do something right, even though it was irresponsible of me to even ask this of him, what if he told someone under torture if someone caught him like they had me. There were so many things that could go wrong. I swallowed uncomfortably and placed walked over to him placing my hands on his shoulders.

"I know it's a lot to take in, and it's awful to even be considering these possibilities, but I need you to promise me that you'll do this for me. I love you and I know you'll do the right thing."

He looked defeated; I could see the empty expression in his eyes as though he'd lost something he'd been so close to finding. It was not often that I saw this expression in his eyes, there'd been very few occasions that I'd seen this. He turned and faced me with the greatest look of loss in his eyes.

"You have everything I've dreamed of, and you're going to have them pretending or believing that it never happened?"

"I don't want to forget, but I want them to forget. I cannot allow them to live in grief for the rest of their lives. I will not put them through that sort of pain; it's just too awful to think about. They'll think themselves guilty of not protecting me. To them I'm still their little girl and nothing changes that. If I've died and they couldn't do anything to stop it they'll never forgive themselves."

"You've had this planned all along." He whispered. "You've had this planned for months."

"I've had this – that is to say, the disguising of my parents identity for a long time. It was a failsafe, a way of protecting them if I couldn't do it myself. When it became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to protect them while I was on the run with Harry and Ron I put the plan into action."

"Then I better share something with you…"

I looked at him almost as though this would be something I did not wish to hear.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"There is a vault at Gringotts under my aunt, Bellatrix's name, and in that vault is an object she had put in there alongside the sword of Godric Gryffindor. It was small, I never saw exactly what it was. But the Dark Lord thought it important and worthy of protection."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

"I'm telling you because; you said Harry and Ron are looking for something and that if you died I should help them. What if that object in that vault is the thing they're looking for?"

* * *

_**Dedicated To:** Him. I miss you._


	75. When Was The Last Time You Helped?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Seventy Five: When Was The Last Time You Helped?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

* * *

_

"_Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyse you; they're supposed to__help__you discover who you are.__"

* * *

_

I had been rendered utterly speechless. My lips seemed to be moving yet I could not hear a sound escaping them, not even the faint hissing of breath between my teeth. My brain seemed to be turning at millions of miles per second, trying to slot these new pieces into the puzzle within my mind. This was a nowhere-near-completed puzzle that was missing more pieces than I'd already slotted into place, but slowly, piece by piece it was beginning to take shape. I was holding what could very well be one of the largest missing pieces in my hands, but I could not figure out what to do with it. I'd been thrown another means of helping Harry and Ron bring Voldemort to the ground and I was standing here utterly speechless attempting to make some sort of inaudible sense of all this, I imagine I looked quite the fool.

"Do you think that there's a possibility that it could be what Harry and Ron are searching for?" Draco asked softly.

I finally found my voice, "I do. It would make sense, Gringotts is one of the most heavily guarded buildings in England, it would make sense that if your aunt had access to an older vault that it would be within the lower most-heavily guarded levels there are. It's one of the few places that it could be actually safe."

"What is it?"

I paused, I had to tread carefully. I could never reveal the true nature of what we were seeking to him, not only would it be dangerous to tell him, he had once been one of Voldemort's subjects, but because I was unsure of how he would react to the revelation that we were hunting a shattered fragment of his once master's soul. The idea itself seemed preposterous, but when you considered it from Draco's perspective it seemed even more ridiculous.

"It could be anything," I replied softly. "but it's likely to be of significant monetary and sentimental value, it may have, for example, have belonged to one of the four Hogwart's founders."

"You're saying you don't even know what you're looking for?" He asked, this fact had clearly piqued his curiosity as his eyebrows were contorted into a rather strange shape, one I associated with curiosity.

"In the general sense, no. But if I'm right, and I'm speaking from past experience, not just the sort of information you gain second-hand, but the sort you see for yourself, this object will be noticeably valuable."

"So you intend to find one noticeably valuable object amidst a sea of other valuable objects in my aunt's heavily guarded vault?"

"A sea of valuable objects?" I asked, I had not really anticipated her to be of _that_ greater wealth.

"She was wealthy before she married and then in turn, married a wealthy man. That sort of marriage tends to generate even more wealth. She does not come across as the most wealthy of women, but she has an unbelievable amount of gold, although she never actually buys anything, she tends to take anything she wants instead. I wouldn't put it past her to have that vault even more heavily guarded than your standard heavily-guarded low level vault. Although I may be of some assistance here, I've seen the Lestrange vault with my own eyes, and it's not all that different to the Malfoy vault."

I grabbed a piece of parchment from within the bag and rummaged about for ink and a quill, eventually finding one that was not all that damaged from being crushed beneath the weight of every object within the bag at some point or another.

"Do you know what it's like inside the vault?"

"Sure, I've been inside it," He replied taking the quill from my hand and dipping it lightly in the ink. "from the outside it appears to square, but once you enter you realise that it's simply an illusion, there's actually an anti-chamber and the main chamber, however, both are filled with gold so it doesn't exactly matter anyway. It's one of the first lines of defence within the vault itself. I think they've removed this, though, so you'll be able to see inside the vault from the moment you open it."

"Why?" I asked, pointing at the diagram.

"It needed to be as simple as possible, that charm is highly ineffective if someone knows what they're after. Also, they're not the only people with access; I believe they've allowed The Dark Lord access to the vault so he could retrieve whatever it is if necessary."

"There's something wrong with that…" I whispered.

"What?"

"He'd never go in himself why would they make an exception for him if it wasn't necessary?"

"Another security measure?" He asked.

"Most likely, the vault you saw was most likely a vault they place gold into and it is then once it is shut it is moved to another using a charm which is activated by the closing of the door. I've read about charms and other enchantments they use in wizarding banks and that would be one of the least harmful spells they could use."

I'd read many books, and in that time I'd read of spells I could hardly imagine using against another person. It seemed that the goblins had a knack for casting some of the vilest spells imaginable upon the gold in their care. They could do almost anything to those who touched the gold if they were not the true owners. However it was not this that had me the most worried, it was attempting to anticipate which of the spells or enchantments they would have placed upon the gold in the first place. With such a large variety there was almost no way to predict what would happen when I lay my hand upon that first piece of gold, in fact, it was almost frightening to think about the possibilities.

"It could be possible… But how do we predict where these measures begin and where they end? Will they be applied to every piece of gold in the vault or only some, are the walls enchanted? What spells will and won't work?"

"Well you were the only one with knowledge about the vault, and it turns out you have very little knowledge that can use about the vault."

"I was trying to help!" Draco snapped.

"I know," I replied. "it just isn't useful to us _yet_. We need to find someone with an actual working knowledge about the inner workings of Gringotts."

"What like a…"

"Goblin…" I finished his sentence for him, already realising we knew someone with this knowledge.

"You can't be seriously considering trusting him can you? Hermione, I know it seems as though this is a good idea, but it isn't. I don't need to remind you of how cunning and smart goblins really are."

"I know, but sometimes you need to take a chance and hope for the best."

"Now you're just rattling off rubbish…" He whispered.

"No, hear me out!" I cried. "You told me about the vault, you could have ignored it and left it in the back of your mind but you decided to speak up on the off chance that it would be of use. That's chance, there were two outcomes, you could have ignored it and we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

"So you're saying me telling you all this was some strange chance-event?"

"Yes," I replied. "and I think we need to take another chance and find Griphook."

Draco paused for a moment before speaking, "He's going to want something in return for his services, we have nothing we can offer him that's of great value to a goblin, except…"

"Except what?" I asked quietly.

"The ring I gave you for Christmas, it's goblin made…"

I reached for my hand protectively, almost as though I'd become afraid to lose this one possession worth more than I even cared to imagine. The box alone looked as though it was worth more than everything my parents and I together owned. To lose it now after everything seemed like a possibility I had never even considered. I reasoned with myself that it would be worth losing such an object if it would help, but at the same time I was still hesitant. I did not wish to lose the ring, it meant so much more to me than it being just any ring, it was the ring that Draco had given me in the promise that he would love and protect me and deep down, I knew it meant so more than I had or he ever let on.

I carefully slid off the ring, but felt his hand press against my own stopping me.

"It's yours, not some goblins; we'll find a way to pay him. You're not losing the ring over something as simple as this. I'm not going to let you sacrifice yourself or something that makes you happy for others again; you've already given up so much."

"You don't see it though, I have do this, if I don't we may as well lie here and wait to be caught! The ring may be our only chance to pay Griphook before he's well enough to go into hiding again."

"You're not giving it up, we'll find another way to pay him, there are plenty of goblin-made treasures within the Malfoy family vault, and perhaps if I were able to access it I would find a suitable replacement for the ring."

"Draco, this might be our only chance! Do you understand the urgency required here?"

"I do," He replied. "but I value you and your wellbeing more. That ring can do so much more than I can in terms of protecting you, it's too valuable to gamble away for a mission that might not even yield the desired outcome."

"It's a risk we're either going to take or we're not. We can in to Gringotts without Griphook and not have the slightest clue as to what may be lying ahead of us in terms of security, or we take him in at the price of the ring and have at least some idea of what we are up against. They're both risks, it's up to you what one you want to take."

He sighed looking defeated as though the choice was not entirely his to make.

"Give him the ring…" He replied quietly.

"Thank you." I whispered pressing my lips to his hand gently.

He stood and took the seat beside mine and took me by the waist gently and turned me around to face him. His hair was much too long; the long blond locks were failing in his eyes with a grace only he could achieve, they were almost too blond, nearing the same silvery-white of a veela's hair. It was almost as though it was blurring out the colour of his grey eyes, they were barely visible beneath his hair these days. His unkempt look was completed with a torn pair of jeans and a simple tee-shirt. He looked very much a Muggle at the present time, there was nothing aside from the wand in his back pocket which so much as indicated that he was anything more than a Muggle.

"I promise I will get the ring back. There is nothing I will not do to ensure that the ring is returned to you, I will pay anything to see you happy and safe once again, and if that ring is the only way I can be sure of it I will sail the seven seas in search of Griphook in order to secure the ring once again. I hate seeing it leave your finger, it physically hurts, but I can't bear the thought of you being upset at losing this opportunity… I'll get it back, even if it takes me until the day I die, I will never stop looking for it. I swear to you, one day you'll wear it again."

"It was your Grandmother's ring, are you sure you're ready to part with it?"

"If it means helping make amends for the wrongs I have done, I'm willing to part with it until I can reclaim it. Nothing means more to me than you, and I would do anything to see that you're safe."

"I love you; I want you to _always_ remember that."

"I know…" He whispered.

"Ready?" I asked.

"I have been all day." He replied taking my hand pulling me backwards into the void.

My first breath filled my lungs with the moist salty air as I opened my eyes to a small cottage upon the shore. I took Draco's hand as we took our first steps towards destiny, the salty sea air pumping through my lungs as we neared closer and closer towards finding and placing yet another one of the pieces of the far-from-completed puzzle we had become so entangled within.

* * *

_**Dedicated to: **__Off Dreaming and __Dreaded Fate__ (My super reviewers!), __MiraOliviaBlackMalfoy__, __LuckyStar1881__KaitlynEmmaRose__Slytherin Princess 1313__haileydelacour101__AveryClaire__TornApartPaperHeart__LoganLover8128__16th of a twigg__AmandaCJY__Locked-up lycan__HP0247__every-rose-has-a-thorn__123Aqua123__Acoustix__redrain520__Violet-Madness__misanthropic melancholya__orangepopcicle15__ (The __Metamorphmagus reviewer with many names) __midnightstar4ever__cmc __SarahhSuicide__Dreamie666__xHELLOx __MaRTiT0__darthfiredragon__ sarah70859 __xxorangexxmonkeyxx__GuurrlyGalxoxo__leakingpenholder__Eva __greenharper__jasmine __Chess07__ greenharper, voldyismyfather, The Girl Who Loves Twilight Too Much, Jahzara Ashford, Vamprechaun, allyandmax, Helen3616, southernmsgal, =), kathrynjoy, Princess Colours story writer, Savage Tranquility, Malfoyfanatic4ever1210, obsessivepottercullendisorder, PyroAngel8605, Miss Bree-Tea, OrangeJuice7, Bamberrr.x, bassbrat, whatifgirl, Alexx, of-awesomeness, Misirou, The Green Serpent, UrbanXS, cookiemania789, AlleuiaElizabeth, Melora, Echo1317, Gianet,__.SeDuCtIvE, charmedchica234, hi, Recalcitrant and sick-atxxheart_

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the long lengths between chapters, I just got back to school and life has been hectic! I plan to post much more frequently now! (I hope I did not miss anyone in the review dedications, this being the third reviewer appreciation chapter!)


	76. When Was The Last Time You Communicated?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter __Seventy Six__: When Was The Last Time You Communicated?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

* * *

_

"_The most important thing in __communication __is to hear what isn't being said."

* * *

_

I could never imagine living in a place as free or as peaceful as Shell Cottage, in fact I could not even begin imagine living in a place so removed from human civilisation. Yet, the place had a certain charm, almost as though there was something hidden among the blissful quietness of the building itself. It was strange of me to think this about a building; it was not a person, but simply an inanimate object that seemed to be luring me in hook, line and sinker with its inexplicable charm and beauty. For a moment I was able to picture myself and Draco living here with two blond haired children running about at our feet, but that fantasy disappeared as quickly as it had come, the children running off into the distance vanishing as they did so with the loud sound of Draco knocking against the door.

I stood there; my hand enclosed within his the other nervously clutching the bag containing every possession we owned. It never occurred to me that one day I'd be standing out the front of a house I'd never once seen before in my life, clutching all my worldly possessions within a single bag. Equally I'd never really entertained the thought of being in this situation holding _Draco Malfoy's_ hand. Although the fact that he remained with me each day and that I awoke able to count my blessings was confirmation enough that he was not on some secret mission to destroy me any longer. I had to trust him, if I could not trust him; I was unable to trust myself. It had become as simple as that, we relied upon each other for survival if I were to suddenly distrust him; we'd fall apart more quickly that I could hex him.

We waited in silent patience, I knew this to be the residence of Bill and Fleur Weasley, but I could not help but feel that though our mere presence would be considered an intrusion upon their lives. I knew Bill well enough to know that Draco's presence would not be easy upon him, he would not easily accept that it was possible to come back from being a Death Eater, I knew he would recognise Draco instantly, it was part of his role within the Order to recognise potential and known Death Eater's not only to keep other members safe, but himself too should he find himself in an area teeming with Death Eaters such as the Ministry or on some days – Gringotts. Fred and George had told Ron during a pre-wedding clean-up conversation that it was part of the basic initiation, being let into all the files the Order had on known and potential Death Eaters so that they may be recognised immediately.

I had a relatively extensive knowledge on who was and wasn't a Death Eater, but I was one of the few members of the Order who'd allowed themselves to be associated with a known Death Eater by choice. Needless to say, I was not entirely considered the most trustworthy person to be around as a result. However, I believed in Draco and Harry and Ron believed in me. By extension the Order should have recognised Draco as someone who posed no-to-little threat to their organisation, but I could not quite be sure how this would be communicated. It was a potential possibility that this encounter would become very hostile in a short amount of time if Bill recognised Draco as a threat, and I would be unprepared for this, but we had to take our chances.

The door opened slowly, almost hesitantly the way the hinges creaked as the door was pulled backwards. Those within would have known about our presence the very moment we arrived within the area laid out by the charms that kept this place hidden. Ron had given us the means to find it, but only those within had the means to allow us to enter the building itself. I noticed that the person opening the door had bright red hair and was clearly a male. Part of me felt as though part of our chance had been lost, Bill had opened the door rather than Fleur who may have allowed us to enter to see Griphook without recognising Draco. I was sure she would know of him, but part of me had hoped she would not have recognised him.

"Bill?" I asked softly, waiting for him to open the door so that I could confirm that it was in fact him and not another of the Weasleys.

"_Hermione_?" He asked softly, his voice painfully familiar.

I realised within an instant that this was not Bill; the voice was younger and so much more familiar than Bill's. It carried that familiar uncertainty and the strange element of surprise that was always present within the voice of Ronald Weasley. I rushed forward pushing the door open entirely and hugged him tightly. I'd been afraid for him numerous times, scared that perhaps he might not have survived Malfoy Manor, but here he was – my best friend, alive, safe and well. I could barely contain my joy, just seeing him again filled me with joy. It was these moments, no matter how simple that kept me going when I'd lost all hope, they were the moments I hung on to when there was very little else left. I felt his arms wrap tightly around me almost as though he too was trying to discern reality from a fantasy.

"You're alive…" He whispered.

"I'm alive… _Just_." I replied.

"Just?" He asked the concern in his voice was easily noticeable and unmasked.

"The wound she obtained as you dissaparated out of the Manor was from a cursed blade. It's hard to know whether the sudden and often prolonged bouts of pain she experiences will be permanent or whether they are simply something that will vanish once the toxin has left her body." Draco whispered softly.

"Did everyone make it safe?" I asked softly.

Ron went pale, almost as though the world had come crashing down around him and he had become the bearer of the bad news for all those who'd survived. From his very expression I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I noticed the colour drain from Draco's face also, almost as though he'd gathered this too. I'd never seen such a look upon the face of Ronald Weasley, it was almost difficult to imagine him without a smile or a sour look upon his face, they were really the only two expressions I could call entirely his own.

"What's wrong?" I asked suddenly. "Who's hurt?"

"Not hurt…" Draco replied. "Dead…"

"How do you know?" I hissed.

"The look in his eyes." Draco replied simply.

I could not gather how Draco had seen this before I had, but it was there. The sadness I associated with grief lingering upon his thin face. I'd never seen him so thin, so worn and torn that I could barely recognise him. It was hard to say whether I knew instinctively who'd died; part of me wished I had not guessed it before Ron uttered his name, part of me wished that he was not a victim in all this mess, it was not even his to clean up.

"_Dobby_…" I whispered. "How?"

"The knife that cut you open pierced him in the stomach… It must have hit a vital organ or the curse in the blade, he just couldn't fight it… He died over there…" He whispered pointed to a desolate corner of the property, marked by a large stone.

"Is that his grave?" I asked.

He nodded, "It says: '_Here Lies Dobby, A Free Elf' _Harry dug the grave and etched the words into the stone himself. He's pretty cut up about it."

"Is he here?" I asked.

"Upstairs, third door on the left" Ron replied. "You however, can stay downstairs with me." He finished, aiming the final piece of the sentence entirely at Draco.

"Ron, please." I pleaded.

"He'll be fine, we need to discuss something important, and you need to see Harry."

I looked at Draco, however he simply nodded at me to leave him, I took it to mean that he could also handle himself, and I really had no doubts about this. For one, Draco had an entire year of magical education Ron did not have, and by the looks of things, Ron was in no physical condition to fight anyone at the moment. I carefully walked into the small house, it was beautifully and tastefully decorated in a way that I imagined only Fleur could have achieved. Each item of furniture was perfectly suited to the next giving the house a very homely touch. I found my way to the small spiralling staircase and walked upstairs wandering along the bright open corridor to the third room on the left, the moment I opened the door two pairs of eyes fell upon me, the first being of Harry and the second being Griphook.

My heart soared, we were in luck.

"Harry!" I cried rushing forward to embrace him, his warm arms enclosing me as though he too had feared for my life.

"Hermione…" He whispered releasing me and surveying me carefully.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly.

"I am the wound only hurts sometimes."

"Did you hear?" He whispered gently.

"I did, I'm so sorry Harry…" I whispered hugging him tightly, tears prickling in my eyes.

"It's okay," He replied shakily. "we wanted to tell you in person, sending you a letter didn't seem like the right thing to do, the guilt would have eaten you alive."

"It would have," I admitted. "Draco and I have some news to tell you."

The sadness in his eyes shifted, his moods could change quickly, and I'd seen it numerous times. They shifted from the quiet reserved sadness to concern in a matter of seconds. I was half worried about what he'd say next, but my mind was more closely focused upon what Ron and Draco were discussing within the Living Room, and whether Bill had arrived home or not. It looked as though Harry had swallowed every last ounce of pride within his body in order to utter out his resulting sentence.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I think we've found another Horcrux…" I whispered.

"You told him?" He asked.

"No, he simply thinks you're looking for something of great value, he doesn't exactly know what lies within the object itself."

"What do you suppose it is?"

"Draco doesn't know… He knows it was placed in there under strict instructions to be left in there untouched upon You Know Who's orders, little else is known, do you anything or at least suspect what it may be?"

"Interestingly enough I believe it may have belonged to Helga Hufflepuff, I heard a whisper of something else supposedly being in the vault with the sword during our brief trip to Malfoy Manor. There is little else it could be considering I believe that there is some unknown relic that once belonged to Rowena Ravenclaw lying about and we've ruled out mostly every other possibility. Supposedly it should be a cup; however I'm the only one who's seen it, but there's always the chance that it's the Ravenclaw item… The cup was in one of the memories Dumbledore showed me, I remember it."

"We're going to need your help at any rate, Draco and I cannot break into the Lestrange vault alone, and you know what the cup looks like. I believe it is time we joined forces."

Harry looked apprehensive; I noted that Griphook seemed to sit more stiffly than he had done before at the mention of breaking into a vault.

"Is he…"

"Draco stays, it's not going to change." I hissed.

"If you say so, however, I believe there is the problem of you not having the assistance of a Gringotts goblin, Hermione, Griphook has kindly agreed to assist us."

"What is he charging?" I asked.

"The sword."

My eyes widened, without it we would stand no chance of destroying any of the Horcruxes we found.

"Harry, can I speak to you for a moment outside, _alone._" I hissed, throwing in an added glare at Griphook.

Harry followed me out the open door, closing it softly behind him, as the door clicked shut I allowed the emotions to bubble over and my frustration to vent entirely.

"Have you taken complete leave of your senses?" I cried. "You can't give him the sword! It's too valuable and important!"

"Hermione, this is our only chance. If we could copy it…"

"No, Harry! He's a goblin, he'll recognise the difference between a real and fake imitation sword from a mile off. Its goblin made, there's not a chance that we could produce a fake anywhere near realistic enough to even pass it off as the real thing. That's why I have this…" I whispered pulling the ring from my finger and handing it over to Harry.

"Draco gave you this though…" He whispered, recognising the symbolism behind it.

"Yes, we've both grudgingly agreed that it should be used as payment for Griphook's services. It's worth a large fortune, perhaps not as much as the Sword, but perhaps enough so that you don't have to give it away…"

"Hermione, you can't give something that valuable and important away…"

"We have no choice, this needs to be done soon or else we might not have Griphook's assistance. In that case, we may as well abandon any hope of securing the Horcrux."

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

"Positive." I said walking past Harry and opening the door.

"I'm here to propose a deal…" I began cautiously.

"And what would that be?" He asked gently.

"I'm proposing that you take this ring as payment for your services rather than the sword of Godric Gryffindor." I whispered holding out the ring reluctantly.

His eyes lit up as though he'd found himself something much more valuable than he'd bargained for, but there was a slight glimmer that told me that it would not be enough.

"Wherever did you get that?" He asked.

"From a descendant of the man who had it made for his wife."

"It is imbued with a powerful protective charm, cast by a goblin. The ring itself too, is entirely goblin made."

"I'm aware of its origins," I replied hesitantly. "is it payment enough?"

"Indeed."

"Then we have ourselves an accord - the ring for your services and our debt will be paid."

"What exactly is your role in all of this?" He asked the unmasked curiosity in his voice unnerving.

"Let's just say, I'm the communicator of very interesting and invaluable knowledge."

"What sort of knowledge?"

"Let's just say… I think I can get you into the vault of Bellatrix Lestrange without questioning."

"How do you intend to do that?" He asked.

"With this." Draco replied appearing behind me placing the unfamiliar wand he'd taken and had been using since our visit to Malfoy Manor upon the end of the bed where the goblin lay.

"What is this?" He asked.

"The wand of Bellatrix Lestrange."

* * *

_**Dedicated to: **__Miss Mayhem, Happy Birthday!_

**Author's Note:** What is this madness! Two chapters… Okay okay… I finally found some free time and my mind was running wild with this chapter. So it found itself in existence shortly after Chapter 75. On a semi-related note, my new Dr/Hr fic: And So, The Clock Struck Twelve has been updated and is in desperate need of a few reviews if you're interested :)


	77. When Was The Last Time You Broke?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Seventy Seven: When Was The Last Time You Broke Something?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be __broken__. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.__"_

* * *

I found myself standing at the edge of the world looking across a vast water covered distance which stretched on into eternity, hoping and praying that what I was about to do would make a difference. I breathed in and out slowly, the stress was mounting upon my shoulders and with each breath of salty sea it only increased tenfold. Twirling the wand I had recently acquired within my palm nervously I could only think of what lay ahead. The vast ocean stretching out before me was both fierce and calm at the best of times. These past few nights I'd heard the waves crashing upon the shore with such fury, but when I awoke there were nothing by small waves rolling into the sand I covered with my footprints each and every day. Draco had often joined me, but he too was worried and dealt with it in his own ways, whether it be talking tactics with the others or reading one of the many books lying around the house. He never said a word to me about his concerns but I sense it as he lay next to me at night holding onto me as if that night would be the last night he would hold me in his arms.

I could not say anything; I could not express my silent fears for our lives. I could not speak about the increasing number of things that could go wrong and with each passing day the list only grew and my fear increased. I'd once promised myself to not let fear take hold; this was easier said than done. A slight slip or lapse in judgement could place our entire mission at risk. The others involved did not know just how much of a risk including me was, the wound on my side had once again begun to burn near constantly, the excruciating pain coming and going each night. Draco had lifted my shirt slightly to reveal the now heavily infected wound on my side. Like me, he too had recoiled at the sight of it. I was frightened by the state of the wound, it had occurred overnight without warning. I believed it to be near healed but I was wrong, it was close to reopening again and I feared that even a gentle movement could disrupt the precarious balance on which the wound being closed and the chance of it reopening, lay.

Looking out across the world it was easy to bury the pain, like it was easier to hide my tears in the shower, one of the few places I could not tell the water from my tears of agony. No-one but Draco knew the extent of the pain I experienced, how he put up with it I would never know. We'd placed _Muffliato_ upon the room we shared, although I'd caught Ron passing some form of sexual comment on this to Harry who laughed. It was easy to forget the way they laughed at each other's comments in such a way, and the easy way we all interacted. I slotted back in as though I'd never left. It was effortless and perfect, as though it were always meant to be.

Draco however, did not slide in easily. Ron and Harry had made a conserved effort to include him and acknowledge his presence, but Bill's attitude towards him made things difficult. He'd made it clear that Draco was not welcome in his home, however Fleur had made it clear that any guest of Ron's was a guest of theirs hence the reason he was able to sleep under their roof. I'd been worried that perhaps Bill's word would be law within Shell Cottage, but it became apparent that it was Fleur's word that was law. Our luck had once again prevailed, yet I knew it could not hold for long. I feared that it would give way the second we stepped within the vault the wound ripping open revealing us for all to see.

I walked towards the large cottage alone both physically and mentally within as I had been when I'd first exited it, I carefully placed Bellatrix Lestrange's wand in my front pocket as the wind was beginning to pick up as I stumbled in the door tripping slightly on the welcoming mat. I felt a tear in my side, the wound ripping open in a blaze of searing pain and pure agony. I let out a small panicked gasp grabbing my side before falling forwards entirely which ended with a loud snap. Draco rushed forward gathering me in his arms and carried me to our room amid the panic that ensued. Ron and Harry followed and finally the blood seeped through my shirt falling upon the ground. I heard Harry stop and his panic voice carried through the hallway behind me. Draco shot something back at him quickly which only increased the panic in the voices surrounding me.

I'd lost grip on the situation, everything seemed to be blurring together into one hideous mess from which I could not escape. I could not decipher the words escaping my lips but merely feel the rush of blood leaving my side. It felt worse than the first time this had happened, I managed to hold on to part of my sanity, but this time it seemed so much worse. I think I was screaming, I couldn't quite tell the sound of my own voice was warping into the blur of everything in which I was trapped. I coughed and wheezed, blood spurting from my mouth each time I did so. I could feel everything almost as though my skin had become electrified and every touch would send a shockwave through my body, bringing my awareness back to the fact that the pain I was experiencing was near immeasurable.

I felt the world rise around me as though I were sinking into the ground beneath me. In a single heart stopping rush, the world went black and everything ended.

* * *

It takes a large amount of effort to peel my eyes open, almost as though they'd been glued shut and I had to pry them open with a crowbar. I could not help but notice how cold it had become in this room; it was entirely empty save for a single person – Draco. He was silently asleep upon a chair in the corner of the room; almost as though he'd fallen asleep waiting for me to awake he seemed entirely at peace with the world. So I did my best to avoid waking him as I crawled to my feet through the large amount of pain I was experiencing and walked from the room closing the door gently behind me. It felt as though I'd simply fallen into a long and peaceful sleep, I could not remember dreaming, nor could I remember waking up at any stage. I was left only to ponder how long I had been in such a state.

My footsteps came to a halt as I heard voices within the kitchen, I was quiet so not to disturb them in case they were discussing important matters but I reasoned that if the meeting were taking place in the kitchen they would not mind me grabbing a small glass of water and quietly leaving. From the moment I entered the room a ghostly silence fell upon all those present, the eyes of Harry, Ron, Bill, Remus Lupin and Fleur darted across the room to where I stood widened in horror and in Harry and Ron's case there was a strange sense of elation within their eyes.

"Hermione…" Ron whispered.

"You're awake!" Bill cried.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked softly, noticing my voice was incredibly raspy compared to my usual almost shrill voice.

"A week," Harry replied. "we were starting to consider taking you to St. Mungos."

"A week?" I asked, more confused within than I managed to let on.

How could I possibly have missed an entire week of my life? It seemed utterly ridiculous to suggest I could even have allowed myself to sleep for that long let alone to not have awoken within that large period of time. I quietly tried to reason with myself, they must have been lying, we were supposed to break into the vault precisely three days ago, they would not have laid aside these carefully made plans simply because I was asleep, anyone could have used the _Polyjuice Potion_ to masquerade as Bellatrix Lestrange, we had her wand and a single hair plucked from the jumper I'd worn during our capture. What I could not determine was why they had not attempted to do so without me, there should have been evidence of their entry to Gringotts sitting before me, yet there was nothing. I noticed that Bill, Fleur and Lupin had vacated the room in my brief reverie, closing the door behind them.

"What happened to the plans we made?" I asked softly.

"Hermione, we had something to tell you." Harry begun.

"When you fell forwards on the doorstep you had Bellatrix's wand in your front pocket, it snapped when you hit the ground."

"We no longer have evidence to prove that you are who you say you are when you're masquerading as Bellatrix, it complicates things greatly."

"We have Olivander within the house; he can try to repair the wand." I said softly.

"He hasn't any of the necessary instruments to do so, and in any case I doubt highly he would repair a wand which is not actually ours." Harry replied.

"Has anyone tried to repair it?" I asked.

"Multiple times," Ron replied, "we can fix it, it just breaks the moment you try to use it again."

"I'm surprised at the both of you, why not simply fix it and walk into the bank as planned? They would never know if the wand did not work."

"What if you actually had to use the wand though?" Ron asked.

"I'd take my own and hide it beneath my robes, no wand works quite as well for another user hence another reason that wand is not to be trusted. They selectively choose their owner for a reason and will only produce the best results for them."

"So we pretend?" Ron asked.

"Exactly, there's no point leaving this another day. It's crucial that it be done sooner rather than later. Every day we wait the closer we come to running the risk that Voldemort discovering what we are about to do."

"So when do we do this then?"

"Tomorrow, we've wasted enough time already. We cannot run anymore risks."

The door opened, a pale and drained looking Draco stepped within the room, a wave of relief washing over him bringing the colour back into his cheeks. He walked forward and took me in his arms gently as though for a moment he thought he'd thought me lost me for eternity. I felt safe within his arms as though nothing could touch me and I would never have to fear the disease that flowed within my veins again, but I wasn't sure. The uncertainty of my condition was enough to keep me on my toes, anticipating and always trying to be several steps ahead but that wasn't going to be possible when the unknown weighed so heavily above us. We needed to take calculated risks and have a very low rate of error, if not none at all.

"You're awake." He whispered softly.

"I'm awake." I confirmed, trying to convince that this was not a dream.

"I'm so relieved; I thought you weren't coming back this time."

"I'd never leave without saying goodbye." I whispered turning to face him fully, resulting in me kissing him lightly upon the lips.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep, I didn't want to leave your side just in case..." He whispered.

"It's okay," I replied, "I feel fine now; maybe the tear flushed the last of the toxin from my body."

"That scar will always be there, it's cursed. It might even cause you pain sometimes, but it's not something that should cripple you like it has, that is temporary. We asked Lupin to take a look at the wound and to try and find which poison it may have been. He's found that it might be a rare herb found only in northern Egypt. It's a common ingredient in many fatal potions; however it only serves to case the victim pain. It does not actually bring about death." Harry replied.

"Speaking of which, Lupin has some good news, he was in the process of sharing when you appeared."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I think he should tell you," Harry replied walking over and opening the door calling for Lupin, "but I think you'll enjoy it."

A cheerful Remus Lupin entered the room, his smile was almost infectious, however it was how youthful he looked with a smile upon his face which struck me most. For so long I'd become used to the stressed and aging Lupin that I almost forgot how he smiled, it was the same as the smile upon his lips when someone answered an answer correctly in Defence Against the Dark Arts. It was a smile filled with so much warmth and goodness that it made it difficult to believe he was a werewolf.

"Tonks had the baby!" He cried happily.

"That such good news! I'm so happy for you!" I cried rushing forward hugging him.

"It's a boy; we decided to name him Ted after Dora's father."

"Is he a…"

"Not that I can see, he seems to be taking after his mother. I swear, his hair was black when he was born, but in the hour since his birth I swear it's turned ginger."

"It's such good news!" I replied.

"I must be off I'm afraid, I just called in to spread the good news and to inform Harry of his newfound role as Godparent."

"Why didn't you tell me, Harry?"

"It wasn't my news to share." He replied with a smile.

Lupin bid us all farewell, it was getting dark outside as he dissaparated from the edge of the property into the darkness. I could not help but an overwhelming sense of darkness as I saw the moon rising slowly above the clouds. I knew he would not be returning home this evening to his wife or newborn son but perhaps to some far off secluded place where he could not harm another human being. I could not imagine that existence to be so far from those you loved to protect them. I could only wish that there was a cure for his condition, one that might have allowed him a painless existence, his son a normal childhood with his father and his wife a husband who did not leave with each full moon. I felt a wave of tiredness wash over me, as time went on I realised I needed to sleep and excused myself, crawling back into the bed where I had only hours ago, lay unconsciously for an entire week.

I drifted into an easy painless sleep, when I woke the sun was rising and Draco lay beside me, his hand gently clasping mine. There were several warning signs that so much was being left to chance today but we had to risk it. Everything seemed to be coming undone at the seams; we had long passed the chance to surrender. I woke Draco gently and pulled on the set of dark robes Harry had given me so that I might effectively masquerade as Bellatrix. Draco would wear a suit, but would go in entirely unshielded. Ron however would go in parading as a Dragomir Despard, a Transylvanian visitor who sought to witness for himself the Dark Lord's new regime. During our final planning session last night we had decided it best to allow Draco to be himself, accompanying his aunt, and Ron to be the one no-one would have seen before.

I wondered how much this could go wrong as Draco and I met Griphook, Harry and Ron out on the front porch. I quickly set to work transfiguring Ron; the result was a heavy set of eyebrows, a thick brown moustache and beard, a shorter nose and long, wavy hair. The result was a completely unrecognisable Ron. Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak over himself and Griphook who sat upon his shoulders as I swallowed a large portion of the _Polyjuice Potion_ containing the single hair. I nearly choked upon it, it was quite possibly the worst concoction I had ever had the misfortune of tasting, but the results were near instantaneous. My skin bubbled and shifted and my hair grew longer. It was almost as though the malevolent aura cast by Bellatrix Lestrange could shift with her very appearance as Ron and Draco flinched as he glanced upon the familiar face they now saw.

Draco shifted uncomfortably and handed me the wand, it was clear it was broken beyond use, there was a crack showing down the middle, but it held together. There was a quiet tension within the air, I had a feeling that words had been shared between Bill, Ron, Harry and Draco after I had gone to bed and all of them had neglected to tell me but for now I would not know what they were. We had thanked Bill and Fleur for their hospitality the night before and asked them not to bother rising to see us off. Now as I prepared myself I wished I had, a familiar face to convince me this was a ridiculous plan would have been enough to sway me. But they weren't here, I grabbed the cloaked Harry and Griphook and Draco grabbed Ron, we nodded at each other silently as I shoved the beaded bag I carried containing all our possessions into my robes and walked those final few metres to where the _Fidelius Charm _ceased working, a location just beyond the boundary wall and Dissaparated without another word.

* * *

**Dedication:** _To My Brother, nothing says homework distraction like: Come play Guitar Hero._

**Authors Note:** _So, it's not the vault chapter, I know, I'm horrible! But it's next and it's coming up really soon! I've started writing it already too! But I hope you like and enjoy this and don't forget to review, the support for the last chapters was phenomenal and truly magical so keep up the amazing work!_


	78. When Was The Last Time You Attacked?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**Chapter Seventy Eight: When Was The Last Time You Attacked?_  
_A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"Expelliarmus!"_

* * *

I opened my eyes, although, I can't say I was at all prepared for the sight that would follow. I'd remember visiting this alley with my parents, how we would come and get all my school books and I'd marvel at the sights within the windows and stand amazed as the number of people within the alley only seemed to grow as the hours passed. There was something I loved about Diagon Alley, the way it would come to life before your eyes only in the way a place filled with magic could. I recognised the familiar Charing Cross Road; I can't say I'd ever be used to the sensation that came with Disapparation. It was almost as though you had insides removed and then replaced within your stomach before you arrived at your destination. But even that sensation managed to wash completely from my system as I glanced into the now empty Leaky Cauldron.

I'd never seen the bar empty in my entire experience within the wizarding world. It came as a complete shock to my system, it was almost as unfathomable as what we were about to do. We walked in, completely alone. I could barely stand the eerie quiet within the bar. Tom the barkeeper jumped at the sight of us, greeting us politely.

"Good morning, Tom." I replied quietly in Bellatrix's low growl.

Harry nudged me in the side sharply hissing at me to be harsher towards anyone we came across; I winced in pain as we walked towards the back room where the brick wall which leads into Diagon Alley stood. I'd almost forgotten that this was not my body and it was not up to me to be polite to others anymore. It seemed like it was my role to be as horrible to everyone we encountered as possible. It only seemed fitting with Bellatrix's malevolent nature to do so, yet I struggled with this. I didn't know if I could continue this façade if it meant treating each and every person I came across or that I'd once been friendly with like scum. It did very little to ease my nerves which were already running high. It was hard to say what aspect of the plan made me most nervous. I took out my wand, quickly tapping the appropriate bricks watching the wall fade away before us.

Never before had I seen Diagon Alley in such a state. There were more stores boarded up than stores open and in the recent change in government stores had sprung open that would usually have had their place in Knockturn Alley. It sent a shiver down my spine to see the infamous street in such a way. So very little light seemed to be reaching the ground within the street, and as a result it seemed to be casting a dark gloom upon the store fronts. I felt a little ill at the state of the alley, very few people seemed to be here unless entirely necessary; however there were a large number of rugged looking people standing along the sides of the street their hands outstretched desperately, begging for food or money if we could spare it. I honestly felt sorry for these people, I wished there was something I could do for them, yet there was nothing I could do in this body aside from turn my nose upwards and stalk away from them and it near broke my heart to do so.

I'd never seen such devastation with my own eyes. My entire life I'd been shielded and protected from this world and yet now that I was confronted with it I doubted the images would ever truly leave my mind. They were huddled in doorways, some barely had any form of clothing upon their back, but the one similarity between them all was the fact that they were each pleading for help, trying to convince me that they were wizards or witches and I believed them. That could very well have been me sitting upon one of those doorsteps begging for help had I faced the Muggle-born Registry Commission truly alone. It would have been my fate like it was these now wandless witches and wizards.

I glanced along the street to a large poster; emblazoned with Harry's face, it read _Undesirable No. 1. _It seemed like a rather strange poster to hang in a public space, yet the intentions behind it were easy to gather. I glanced along the windows to where smaller, similar posters with others faces upon them had been stuck upon the now boarded up windows of the stores. Some had my own face or Ron's upon them; the main similarity between them was that each and every last poster upon those walls carried the face of one member or another of the Order of the Phoenix. Each detailed a reward; however it was clear that one's with Harry's face did not even require a reward, everyone would have known that for turning in "The Chosen One" you would be rewarded beyond all measure. I just wondered who would turn on him if this reward hung in the balance, not I, for my reward was far greater than most. I wondered whether it came with the assurance that Draco Malfoy would be brought in with me.

I notice Ron stand a little more upright uncomfortably as we passed the posters of his family; his nerves had suddenly become so much more obvious. He turned and looked down the street to the now boarded up Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, a look of nostalgia within his eyes as he glanced upon his twin brother's store. Even he could not mask the sadness that was etched into his face; the sadness at seeing their entire life's work closed this way and his brothers in hiding. Perhaps he too was worried, although we all knew he had the least to fear as an unknown foreigner, it was the perfect cover and he had to say very little. The entire plan fell heavily on my acting ability and whether I could pass myself off as Bellatrix Lestrange. He suddenly turned once again and jogged slowly to catch up with us. Occasionally I could fell Harry brush against my robes, confirmation that he and Griphook still remained by our side and had not been lost among the wandless.

As we neared Gringotts a man approached us, he had a long almost pointed nose and a thick crown of grey hair. I recognised him, but I could not quite pin down where exactly.

"Why, Madam Lestrange!"* He called with a wry smile.

I was quite lost, I did not know this man's name nor did I know if he was simply being polite out of fear or if he was another Death Eater. I decided to take my chances; I drew myself up to full height trying to get my confidence up high enough to greet the man.

"And what do you want?"** I replied with as much contempt as I could manage.

The man, who Harry quickly revealed by hissing in my ear as Travers, another Death Eater, looked quite affronted, almost offended at my rough and contemptuous greeting.

"I only wished to greet you, Madam Lestrange, if my presence is not wanted…"

"No, not at all," I replied quickly trying to cover my tracks, "how are you?"

"To be quite honest with you – surprised. I'd heard the inhabitants of Malfoy Manor were still confined to the house after the unfortunate slip up that took place there a month ago…"

If what Travers had heard was correct, Bellatrix was supposed to be confined to Malfoy Manor. There was no way she was supposed to be out in public let alone walking into Gringotts to withdraw something from within her vault. For a moment I panicked, running into another Death Eater had always been a possibility, however we'd imagined I'd be able to brush them off and simply continue on our way. Travers had proved to be a little more difficult to brush off, and to make matters worse it was obvious that he was slightly puzzled about my behaviour, if not suspicious. I was beginning to panic subconsciously; if we could not remove him from the equation we stood very little chance of entering Gringotts.

"The Dark Lord rewards those who have served him faithfully in the past; perhaps your credit with the Dark Lord is not as good as the likes of mine."

"I meant no offense, Madam Lestrange." He replied, his suspicion seeming to shift to Ron, clearly I had passed. Although he looked more offended than I clearly felt, "These Wandless can be troublesome, what brings you here?" He noted changing the subject focusing clearly on Ron.

"Gold, I find myself in need of a visit Gringotts however; these filthy scum-like animals are making it difficult to pass. Look at them, begging on the streets no less!" I replied as coolly as I could manage.

"Who's your friend?"

"Dragomir Despard, he's here visiting from Transylvania. He's sympathetic to our cause."

Travers' extended your hand but a low almost growl like response from Ron caused him to withdraw his hand rather abruptly. I had to fight the urge to laugh; the look of pure fear in Travers' eyes was enough to have me close to laughter. But for the sake of our cause I managed to hold it together, I had to. The entire success of the plan fell heavily upon my shoulders, there was very little Draco and Ron could actually do when I was the one in spotlight. I noticed that Travers had not spoken a word to Draco; it was strange, almost as though he was selectively choosing to screen him out of all conversation. It was more interesting than strange, the motives of course were clear. However it was clear that Draco was no stranger to such treatment, he brushed it off easily as though he did not expect any different of the man.

"I believe you've met my nephew, Draco." I hissed, attempting to rattle him even slightly.

It was to no avail, "Indeed I have," He replied, directing this entirely at me and not Draco, "shall we continue to Gringotts?"

"Yes," I replied, "I don't have all day."

I noticed Harry nudging me in the side, a clear indication that Travers' presence was not an expected part of our plan. I was already aware of this however it was too late to simply remove him from the equation by means of hexing him and hiding his body in a side alley. No, Travers' had become part of our plot to break into Gringotts whether he willingly did so or not. I suddenly became aware of the advantages rather than the disadvantages of having yet another Death Eater by our side, I nudged Harry and leant over as a witch passed in front of us and whispered in what I believed to be his ear.

"Confund him; he'll be of use to us."

I did not wait for Harry's reaction but simply pretended to stumble, allowing my strange stance to be accounted for. We could leave very little up to chance. With Travers leading us along the crooked and cobbled street towards the marble building communication between Harry and I ceased. He stopped for a moment allowing for us to catch up, this was more nuisance than anything else, and a watchful Death Eater was something no-one had factored into the equation. He still carried the same air of scepticism towards Ron, but also Draco now. Gringotts was soon upon them; their entire plan seemed to have been thrown into the air now that Travers had manipulated his way into the party. As Griphook had noted earlier, the goblins that had once flanked the large doors had been replaced with two wizards brandishing what appeared to be Probity Probes.

Travers made some comment in a rather theatrical tone on this development to which I did not reply, my eyes and attention rather were fixed upon getting through the doors. I heard a brief murmur as I passed the guard who outstretched his hand and stopped my passage asking me to pause for a moment so that he could run the probe over me. Looking into his eyes I recognised the empty vacant stare of someone who'd just been Confunded. I stopped obeying his order feeling the collective weight of Ron, Draco, Harry and Griphook slam against me causing me to stumble somewhat.

"You've already done that!" I snapped in the most commanding voice I could manage.

I noticed a small jet of light hit the other guard heavily, causing him to stumble slightly before regaining the stance he only seconds ago held. His blank stare and odd behaviour went unnoticed by Travers who was entirely too busy glancing through the brass doors into the main hall, however he turned hearing the sound of the other guard's voice, confirming what I'd just said to be true. He nodded approvingly, although I did not entirely understand why. The guards both looked dazed, however they continued their duties as though nothing had happened, there was no harm done. Ron and Draco took their places and my sides and I assumed Harry and Griphook to be tailing close behind us. I felt a nervous twinge of guilt as I passed the statue of two goblins bearing the thieves warning. I'd never once before this year imagined me attempting to rob this place, you'd have to half-mad to even consider the thought. Yet here I was.

I allowed Travers to move forward into the line which had formed behind the desks of Goblins examining the various objects before them or motioning for people to move towards the entrance to the vaults. Under the pretext of explaining the features of the building to our guest I managed to instruct Harry to remove Travers from the equation once we'd made our way towards the vault. I was unsure as to how he would achieve this but I trusted he would find a way to make him leave. As I moved towards the now empty line I felt a hand grasp my dress pulling at it tightly. I turned to see a rather ragged man grasping at my dress desperately screaming at me for the location of his children. A spark of red light erupted between us and the man's grasp upon my dress was broken. The poor man flew backwards as much as I was afraid of him, I pitied him; I turned to see Ron with his wand in hand trembling. The entire situation had gone entirely over our heads; Draco looked as though he was in shock. I motioned for them to follow me as we headed towards the goblin behind the desk, the tension and nerves so thick within the air you could have cut it with a knife.

I walked towards the counter, "I wish to enter my vault." I stated loudly and as arrogantly as possible.

"Ah, Madam Lestrange, do you have your identification?"

I panicked, I had not been told of any need for identification. "I was never informed that I needed any!" I cried.

"Your wand will suffice, Madam." The goblin replied, surveying me carefully.

I nervously handed over my wand, although I was careful not show any emotion. A sudden thought struck me that they may have been warned that imposters may try to enter the vault. Surely they would have known that she'd lost her wand, it suddenly dawned on me that something had to be done now to ensure that this goblin believed it to be the real wand of Bellatrix Lestrange. His hand trembled slightly as I passed the wand over and he examined it and then the unthinkable occurred - he asked me about my _new _wand.

"I'm sorry?" I shot back. "That's _my_ wand, and it _always_ has been!"

"A new wand? How can that be so?" Travers asked suddenly. "What wandmaker did you use?"

I had begun to panic again; I did not allow it to show on my face but within the space of a few seconds the entire situation had spun around once again. I did not allow this to rattle me, one moment Travers was curious about my wandmaker and the next he was complimenting it and sharing his own wand-related knowledge. I did not allow this bizarre turn of events to phase me I simply shrugged them off as Harry's doing, however it concerned me how he was placing them under his control. It was clear that this was no mere Confundus Charm, no there was something more sinister at work here – _The Imperius Curse. _From the corner of my eye I notice Draco doing the same to several of the guards about the hall, this would ensure a safe passage back through the hall.

"We shall need the Clankers." The goblin behind the desk said to a younger goblin that approached at the clap of his hands.

Within seconds another goblin appeared wearing what appeared to be a brown leather bag filled to the brim with metal pieces with made a loud jingling sound as he walked. The old goblin stepped down from behind his desk and asked us to follow him. I noted the look of panic in Ron's eyes as he regarded Travers in the utmost confusion, his vacant expression complete with mouth wide open was drawing some attention. I heard Draco hiss at Harry to do something about him and this was resolved quickly. Draco gave me a shaky smile as I followed the goblins towards the entrance to the vault. As we approached another goblin rushed towards us whispering something about there being specific orders regarding the Lestrange vault. I disregarded this the moment the Imperiused goblin – Bogrod as it appeared he was named, told him that it was of the utmost importance that we visited the vault.

Bogrod and Travers followed us within the entrance to the vaults and as the door slammed behind us Harry pulled the invisibility cloak off and Griphook jumped from atop his shoulders.

"They suspect us!" He hissed, noticing the lack of reaction from Bogrod and Travers he noted that they were Imperiused.

"What are we supposed to do?" Ron asked.

"You need Bogrod to control the cart, I no longer have the authority for such actions. There'll be just enough room without the older wizard."

With a flick of his wand Harry sent Travers running down the dark corridor which descended into the floor.

"What are you doing to him?" I cried.

"Making him hide."

"This was not part of the plan!" I cried.

"We have to make do as best we can." Draco replied.

"We haven't much time, they suspect us and we need to get to the vault now or risk being unable to reach it at all ever again."

I nodded in agreement, with another flick of his wand Harry caused Bogrod to whistle, summoning a cart from within the darkness. We all entered it quickly, the urgency in our actions was suddenly painfully obvious. It became incredibly obvious how stupid it was to disguise myself as Bellatrix Lestrange, the goblins would have known who had stolen her wand. It seemed like a good idea, but as happened it was less of a good idea than we had first assumed. We could not hear a word anyone else was saying, the rattling of the cart upon the tracks and the wind in our ears as we rushed along the tracks deeper and deeper into Gringotts than I suspected any of us had ever been. We may as well have left large neon signs pointing to us, we'd left so much evidence of our presence behind in our wake that it would been near impossible to leave, if we even could.

As we rushed around a hairpin bend a large waterfall stretched out before us. I heard a loud screech from beside me but there was no stopping, we rushed straight through the large waterfall and with a single sickening lurching moment the cart flipped forwards throwing us all towards the rocky ground beneath us. I threw a Cushioning Charm at the ground with the wand in my hand. As I stood I realised that I was myself once again, only soaking wet. Ron too, had reverted back to his normal appearance. Draco and Harry looked rather bewildered and Bogrod no longer appeared to be under Harry's control.

"What happened?" Ron cried.

"The Thieves Downfall, they must have suspected imposter's and set up their defences against us." Griphook replied.

"_Imperio_." Harry whispered pointing his wand at Bogrod who instantly stopped moving and simply stood there content to do nothing until ordered, his bewildered expression shifting instantly to being expressionless.

"I hear voices!" Draco hissed. "How far to the vault?"

"Not far, Mr Malfoy."

"Lead the way!" I hissed casting a shield charm upon the waterfall diverting the flow to another section allowing us to pass under it.

As we rounded another corner I noticed a pale white figure consuming a large part of the corridor. It took only moments to realise that pegged to the floor was a fully grown dragon. I gasped in horror, its cloudy eyes and its scales were no longer shiny, but flaky and pale. I felt a sickening wave of nausea just looking at the poor creature, I may never have held dragons in the same regard as Hagrid, but just looking at this poor creature made me realise that there was a better life possible for these creatures. Upon hearing our approach it spread its wings and let a large jet of fire erupt from within its mouth which sent us all retreating back up the corridor.

"It's partially blind and all the more savage for this. It knows what to expect from the Clankers, here take these." Griphook replied reaching into the small bag of metal objects which he had clearly taken from the Clanker goblin they'd encountered earlier and handing out several small metal rings which jingled when touched to Ron, Harry and Draco.

"When it hears this noise it shall retreat, it is then that Bogrod will place his hand upon the vault opening it and we are to rush inside. Is everyone clear on this?" He asked.

"Hermione," Draco whispered. "You don't need to come in you've done enough."

"I'm not waiting out here..." I whispered, "Don't worry, I can look after myself."

We turned back to Griphook and nodded in agreement, it was best not to argue with him. As we approached the dragon once again it immediately retreated at the sound of the jingling, it had clearly, according to the scars on its face been taught to fear the sound of the Clankers approach with some form of hot metal rod. I heard Griphook hiss at Harry to get Bogrod to place his hand upon the door to the vault and within moments the stone wall had melted away revealing a large chamber filled with some of the most curious and expensive looking items I had ever seen. Furs of strange creatures not even within Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them were draped from the walls, I never seen so many suits of armour or even so much gold in my life. There was so much so that it was crammed from floor to ceiling with a pearly white skull in one corner still wearing a crown. I did not even begin to wonder where she'd obtained these objects.

I could feel Draco by my side, but it suddenly became dark and we all lit our wands in order to see, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a goblet sitting atop a small pile of gold nearest to the front. I reached forward to grab it only to realise that it was scalding hot, leaving a large blister upon my hand as I withdrew it, multiple replicas of the cup falling to the ground causing me to be unable to discern the real from the replicas.

"Touch nothing!" Griphook cried. "Everything you touch will burn you upon contact and will proceed to multiply, the copies are worthless."

"Don't touch anything." Draco said aloud to us all, his role had been rendered entirely useless now, added security was of little use to us now that they were aware that we were here.

That was easier said than done for just moments later Ron's foot nudged against a fallen goblet and exploded into to multiple more copies sending him hopping about the room grasping his now exposed foot. As we searched desperately it became obvious that we were unable to avoid contact with the gold, every minute or two a shower of fake gold would erupt from beside one of us, showering us with searing hot gold and creating more copies.

"It's there!" Harry cried.

Our wands turned directly to where Harry's appeared to be pointing and sure enough, there was the small golden cup he'd described from one of the memories of Tom Riddle's youth. The cup of Helga Hufflepuff. In my desperation I attempted to summon it, however it was no use, Griphook turning to me and explaining that it would be of no use. I'd clearly forgotten this from one of the many planning sessions we'd had leading up to our break in.

"Help us then!" Draco cried. "Don't just stand there!"

"Maybe we can use something else..." Ron suggested.

"Hermione! The sword!" Harry cried.

I quickly withdrew the small beaded bag containing our collective possession and withdrew the sword of Godric Gryffindor. After a quick test it was determined that the sword was able to touch the gold without it setting off the charms it'd had placed upon it. Harry looked around desperately, looking for some way to get to the cup which lay near the roof.

"Hold still, Harry." I cried the heat from the gold beginning to reach near unable levels. "_Levicorpus."_

He was yanked upwards by the ankle hovering high above the gold that seemed to be only growing by the second. Ron, Draco and I were struggling to keep ourselves above the rising tide which burnt my skin with each contact made. Perhaps we would die beneath this ever rising sea of gold, I noticed Bogrod and Griphook sinking, Draco had already hoisted Griphook upon his shoulders and Ron and I were attempting to do the same with Bogrod. It was little use, Harry had not given him the instruction to do so and he remained firmly upon the ground. I could hear the numbers of goblins growing outside the vault entrance along the corridor, there was a large amount of gold now pouring forth from the door and the burns were beginning to reach a serious level.

The panic in the room heightened, Draco was grasping for me as I sank beneath the waves of rising treasure, a loud scream escaping from my lips. I could no longer stand to look upwards, and then I heard the sound of sweet victory, Harry's voice screeching "_Liberacorpus!"_ over the sound of the gold rattling together. I felt a hand upon my own wrenching me above the tide of the gold. I looked up to see Draco pulled me above the scorching metal, he was suspended by the ankle also. As Harry dropped from the roof I watched as the sword and the cup went flying from his grasp and in the quickest movement Griphook had jumped from the safety of Draco's shoulders onto the pile of rising gold before him and onto Harry who was desperately reaching for the gold.

I watched as Harry and Griphook wrestled for the sword, Griphook taking a large chunk of Harry's hair in his hand and wrenching it from his grasp the cup sent flying towards the door. Grabbing Ron and pulling him atop the gold I attempted to dive towards the cup which was near sinking but missed. Harry, only moments later managing to succeed where I could not and place his hand upon it, shoving it into his pocket. However, it was at a cost. The sword fell entirely into Griphook's hands and I watched helplessly as he dived out the door and joined the sea of goblins waiting for us chanting in a single echoing cry of: "_Thieves. Thieves. Thieves. Thieves_." He had not taken the ring as planned, but rather the sword.

We all made for the door, there would be no way out within minutes the sea of gold would drown us all. As we rushed out the door the dragon which all this while had sat peacefully, stirred and a jet of blazing red fire burst from its mouth sending the goblins scrambling in all directions. Harry pointed his wand at the ground to where the dragon's chains tethered it to the ground and with a single spell broke the only safety precaution that kept the dragon tethered to this place. I watched as he climbed upon he large beast, Ron following close behind me. I reached upwards for Harry's outstretched hand and jumped, noticing Draco climbing quickly upon its tail. A second later it realised it was no longer tied to this place, with all its might it fought its way from the chamber it had been so long imprisoned for.

I pointed my wand to the corridor the dragon was attempting to melt away and screamed "_Reducto__!"_ watching the roof collapse in with a great thud, I felt Draco slip behind me reaching backwards I grasped his shirt and refused to let go, I would not leave him behind.

"Hold on!" I screamed at him, praying he would listen.

I'd never been religious, but at moments like these I almost wished I were.

I closed my eyes screeching at the others to do the same as the heat and the dust became mingled burning my skin once again only reopening them as the dragon emerged from the large passageway and into the large chamber containing the waterfall. The dragon stretched its wings and soared upwards, almost as though it could sense freedom lying ahead and with the sheer force of its strength burst its way through wall after wall until we'd reached the entrance to the vaults once more. With a combination of spells and its strength the dragon broke free into the main hall of Gringotts sending goblins and wizards scrambling and screaming in all directions. The windows shattered as it sent a high pitched shriek through the room and launched itself once and us once again into the air and on our way to freedom, our attack upon Gringotts, successful. As we emerged from the window the dragon shook it's head violently, throwing Ron and Harry from it's back. I screamed helplessly, but there was little Draco and I could do as the dragon spread it's wings and leaped towards the sky.

The mission, was not as successful as we'd first hoped.

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**_Dedication:_** To those waiting for this chapter, I hope it did not disappoint.

**_Authors Note:_** 10 pages! 5013 words! Multiple hours and re-readings of _Chapter Twenty Six – Gringotts_, I wouldn't be surprised if I could recite it word for word now! But I hope you enjoy this - Hemione's perspective of the vault scene and please leave a review for this chapter, it would be the absolute world to me!

(Oh and the quote, yes Deathly Hallows has definitely gone to my head)

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The following quotes have been used:

* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K Rowling.

Chapter Twenty Six- Gringotts, Page 424. English, First Edition Published in 2007.

** Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K Rowling.

Chapter Twenty Six – Gringotts, Page 423. English, First Edition Published in 2007.

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**_Harry Potter, his world and all those who inhabit it are property of the brilliant and amazingly talented, J.K Rowling. I own nothing, I gain no profit from this, merely the satisfaction of writing and the knowledge that others may enjoy reading this._**


	79. When Was The Last Time You Exploded?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Seventy Nine: When Was The Last Time You Exploded?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell

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_

"_Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."

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_

I don't know how long I screamed for or exactly how loud I was screaming. I could not hear the sound of my own voice over the loud beating of the dragon's wings. For a moment the word seemed to shrink before my eyes, only four people remaining within it – Harry, Ron, Draco and myself, and for that brief moment the world truly felt as bleak as it looked. Although I knew myself it was no use screaming I could not stop myself, I could not leave them behind and yet I was sitting here allowing it to happen. The tears welled up within my eyes spilling over my cheeks in a small, thin stream I doubted would ever cease and I could no longer see clearly, my vision blurring beneath the tears and sadness within my heart.

For a while I believed if I leapt from the dragon's back I might have been able to catch up with Harry and Ron; however I knew my efforts would be useless. If they had their wits about them they would have run to a safe place and dissaparated the moment they could. If they did not, I shuddered to think of the possibilities. My body was wracked with the heaving sobs in my chest, the failure I felt within that could very well cost my best friends not only their freedom but their lives as well. I felt Draco's hand upon my shoulder, warm and comforting yet it did nothing to settle my nerves. I was lost entirely within the ocean of my emotions, they'd forced their way to the surface once more and exploded before me causing the walls that kept not only myself, but everyone safe to burst, and everything I had been holding back these past few months spilled over before me and had reduced me to nothing.

The dragon dropped beneath the protection of the cloud coverage above a vast last dropping until it was almost level with the dark surface the rhythmic beat of its wings causing a rippling effect across the surface of the water. I felt Draco's grip tighten on my shoulder and his voice in my ear telling me to get ready to jump, but I could not jump. I could not do anything I was immobilised by my own emotions. I could do nothing but sit there and cry silently to myself. I could not bring myself to move no matter how much I tried, my mind could no longer force my body to do the impossible. Long past was the time I could keep going without reason with a superhuman strength. I needed to know that everything would be alright; I needed the comfort of knowing that we had not failed, but everything that my mind told me was the opposite. I could only tell myself that nothing would be alright and that we had failed. I could not pretend nor hide it any longer.

I felt an urgent tug on my robes pulling me sidewards from the dragon's back and towards the surface of the water which broke upon impact, drenching me in all its cold and icy fury. I screamed once again as I surfaced, the shock rippled through my body causing me to panic, but I could stand as could Draco. He took me gently in his arms and carried me to the side, placing me upon the grassy bank before climbing out himself. I hugged my knees to my chest trying desperately to stop the heaving sobs which were causing me to lose all my control. The time had long passed for control, Draco carefully pried the bag containing all our possessions from my grasp and quickly set to work pitching the tent and casting the protective charm system we'd devised around us. I felt entirely helpless and completely broken within; almost as though I could not help but fear the worst and believe myself that I had caused the untimely end to the lives of Harry James Potter and Ronald Billius Weasley.

I felt Draco's arms enclose around me and carry me within the small tent, I recognised this place - I'd been here before. It was the very same tent that the Weasley's had borrowed for the Quidditch World Cup several years ago, it still smelt the same, rather like the previous owner had a few too many cats. Draco had placed the cup we'd retrieved upon the coffee table yet I could not bring myself to look at it. We'd sacrificed everything for that small golden cup and at the same time lost our only means of destroying it. What good was having found a Horcrux if we did not even have the means to destroy it? I noticed Draco had placed a steaming hot cup of tea before me, yet I did not touch it.

I watched in silence from the corner of my eye as the steam slowly ceased rising and the cup was left upon the coffee table next to the Horcrux presumably, stone cold. I'd lost all perception of time, I was unaware of how much time had passed between when I'd first been placed upon the couch and this very moment but Draco had sat there in silence throughout it all. The tears had not stopped, nor had the pain I felt in my stomach, but it was a dull ache. It was nothing compared to this explosion of sadness and what I could only imagine to be grief, nothing could quite compare to the feeling of knowing your heart was breaking as the hours went by that they did not walk through those doors. It was ridiculous to believe that they would, they would never be able to find us between the protective charms and having no idea where we actually were, but I still had foolishly hoped for it.

Suddenly Draco sat in front of me on the same couch and took my hands in his own.

"You're freezing." He noted.

"It does not matter," I replied, "nothing matters anymore."

"You're wrong." He replied.

"What do you mean?"

"You're wrong," He repeated, "everything now matters."

There was a long silence before he spoke once again.

"I know it seems like everything has been lost, and all you want to do is turn around and throw your fist against a wall. By doing so, hoping that it breaks upon impact so that you can feel something other than the tremendous grief within your heart, but that's not the way to deal with anything, Hermione. You're strong you can overcome this."

"They're gone, Draco, GONE!" I screamed launching to my feet, my first movement in longer than I cared to imagine.

"You have to stop thinking the worst."

"I CAN'T!" I screamed, "Don't you get it Draco, I can't. It's all I can I think about and all I can see when I close my eyes…"

"Hermione…"

"It's all I can hear whenever I listen to the millions of thoughts racing through my mind at any given time. I've caused this, it is my fault!"

"How is it your fault?"

"I'm the one who encouraged you to continue along with the plan even though it was late; we should not have proceeded if there was an interruption. This might not have happened if we had not forced it to!"

"We didn't force anything, it needed to be done. There's no denying that, we've done what we had to, nothing else. We all knew the risks when we agreed to it, we can't deny that yes, something has gone wrong, but something good has come of it too."

"What good could have possibly come of this mess?"

"We have the Horcrux, and we still have each other."

"I don't know how long I can continue to do this, Draco…" I whispered, "I can't pretend that everything is alright and that we've not lost everything because of this damn awful plan, I cannot pretend that the fates have pitted themselves against our mission and I'm sorry, I can't pretend that I don't feel this way, because I do and nothing can change that."

I carefully took a seat upon the couch once again, my mixture of sadness and anger welling up within me again, I was almost unsure of what I would do if pushed, but I knew Draco would tread carefully. He'd seen this before and I knew he was not afraid, but whether I could survive it again was another matter entirely. Draco wrapped his arms around me comfortingly yet it did not stop the tears, they continued long into the night and when I awoke the next morning Draco lay beside me his arms still wrapped around my waist the tears had stopped and the promise of a brand new day and brand new possibilities was open once again.

I stood, grabbing the bag and wandering into one of the rooms containing the sets of bunk beds and changed out of the robes and into a pair of jeans and a sweater; I decided it was best to look like a Muggle again. I felt a strange separation as I took the robes off, almost as though as I peeled them from my skin and threw them into a pile I was throwing away one of the first links I'd had to Hogwarts in weeks. Wearing a set of robes again had made me feel as though I had some power rather than being a single person with little other use in the world aside from following orders. It made me feel important and as though my purpose was important. Taking them off removed that and I was all alone again, my thoughts the only company I had left. I heard a soft knock at the door and I wrenched it open to see Draco standing there, almost as though he had been worried I'd run off in the night.

Nothing was said; he carefully cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips to mine. They were as gentle and as soft as I remembered them being, not marred by the events of yesterday as I feared they might have been. I weaved my hands through his soft blond hair and suddenly I was home again and the sadness vanished for just a few minutes. I could think, I was alive and in this moment again. When I pulled away from him finally I may have even managed a smile, I often wondered why it was that he loved me, my bushy hair, messy and untamed, but he did not care, it was clear that I did not have to be as beautiful as Astoria Greengrass to win his heart. I had won it entirely without even meaning so, the broken boy I had found gouging at his own arm at the beginning of the last school year had become so much more than my friend.

He was the only one who had stuck by me when everything had been lost, he was the one who had protected me and shielded me from the dangers I could not prevent and in the end his love had won me over. I was no longer the broken and plain girl I was last year, left ruined by my abandonment; no, I would never be that girl again. Yes, perhaps I would break again but there would be someone to rebuild me from the ground up. He had taken my mask and cast it aside, taking his own ruined reputation and starting anew and his hope had become mine. Maybe all was not really lost, perhaps there was hope that Harry and Ron had survived and I could not help but smile as we packed away the tent and placed it back within the bag. We were going to find Harry and Ron, and nothing would stop us. We would defeat Voldemort one Horcrux at a time even if it killed me, and for the first time in over a day, I felt the overwhelming sensation within my heart that I associated with hope.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Des. No reasons are needed._

**Author's Note:** _We draw ever nearer to the end 21 chapters left in fact, and a lot is going to start happening, this is sort of a filler I guess, it leads to some major events to come!_


	80. When Was The Last Time You Ruined?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**_  
_Chapter Eighty: When Was The Last Time You Ruined? _  
_A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"Ruin is the road to transformation."_

* * *

Travel was as tedious as I imagined it to be, we moved slowly and cautiously, and as previously done we made sure never to spend more than several nights at the most at any given site. We'd not heard word from Harry and Ron, nor had there been a whisper among other runaways or outcasts that we'd thus chanced upon that they were safe. My nerves had not abated, even a whisper would have calmed them, I could not imagine the sickening possibility of failure, I refused to do so. Everything had seemed perfect in our plan, it seemed straightforward and rather precise, but even the best laid plans could go awry. We had become living proof of this ultimately however unwittingly and unwillingly this had occurred. I did not pretend to have all the answers but I often hoped I would have several more than I happened to possess. It seemed as though we were on the brink of ruin, pushed so far we could not turn back now. Our only path lay forward and it would be the only way out.

The darkness only seemed to grow with each passing day, the black clouds hung heavily over our heads like a sword, poised and ready to fall. I often found myself contemplating the silence surrounding us and how it had changed us; neither of us had ever been particularly quiet but as sure as this war changed us all we became people of silence, quiet in our actions and gentle in our words. I never imagined Draco as a man of silence. To me, he seemed to be a louder figure, someone whose mere presence spoke to all present, although for some this was not the sort of presence they wished for he had changed. The war too had ruined him, like it too, had ruined me. We were all broken; we just had to love our broken friends and family with all the love our broken hearts had to give, no matter how much or how little it was.

In my experience, strength came from within, but how were we to find it when we had so very little to take comfort within? How were we to survive when it felt as though the entire world was crashing down around us? It felt as though each and every time I felt I had given my all I was expected to give even more. I wondered where it came from, this strength that I was required to continuously show despite not knowing where I was to find it to wake and face the next day. I felt drained as though with each passing breath a little more life was being sucked from within me as I forced myself to stay strong. (It felt as though there was so very little of me left I'd become something of a lifeless presence, as though my actions and movements were being controlled by some other being. I was controlling my own body but I no longer felt connected to it.

I wondered if this is how it felt to know that there was so very little hope left, to know that you may very well have been the cause of the loss of what little hope you had to cling to. In a number of ways it felt as though I was clinging to something pointless, almost as though I could no longer dare to wish for something more, but only dream of something that I'd long hoped for. I'd often dreamed of something that lay beyond this time in my life, but now I was so unsure of whether it truly existed. I used to question everything and leave no stone unturned, I suppose it was in my personality, to seek out the adventure before me, but now that I'd found it – my one true great adventure, I was unsure as to whether I truly wanted it.

I woke on the couch with a splitting headache and the familiar searing pain in my side; however in the past few days I'd noticed it slowly fading, I could control the pain to an extent. I no longer woke screaming when these pains stuck, yet despite this, it was not the physical pain which was the most harmful part of this experience, it was perhaps the knowledge that it was the emotional harm this did each and every time I was left physically unable to move. I felt as though control was slipping from my grasp, and I just did not know how I would be able to cope with the realisation that it was gone when it was finally gone entirely.

I was outside the boundaries of our protective charms seeking some fresh air to calm my nerves, I'd been left vulnerable and open for attack and yet I felt strangely calm and yet it was almost as though I was looking for something. I heard a whisper in the air, and I recognised it as one of the signs of a group of others in hiding, I often wondered whether someone I knew would be among them, however, at the same time I feared that they would bring horrible news which would mark the death of someone I knew and loved. Subconsciously I feared they would bring news of the death of my parents, and this weighed heavily upon my mind as something I could easily lose sleep over if I allowed it to. I knew this evening would be different, as though somewhere deep inside I knew something was out there, something I was looking for.

The air was cold; my breath escaped my lips in the form of a thin misty fog which was visible each and every time I allowed my breath to escape. Although the snow had long melted away the chill in the air had lingered on long past its time leaving a sense of the loneliness I felt in the world behind. I had someone here with me – Draco, yet at times he needed space too, and yet at the same time now in these times we needed the presence of others more than anything the loneliness of these times and the darkness surrounding them was slowly tearing me away from everything and everyone I'd ever loved.

A whisper in the air caught my attention, "Hermione?"

I did not reply, I recognised the voice, yet it was none of the voices I so desperately craved to hear.

"Is that really you?"

I finally recognised the voice, "Dean!" I called back, fully aware that he was nearby.

He suddenly stepped out from the darkness, or from what I assumed to be the set of protective charms and Muggle repelling spells which protected him from unwanted visitors. He looked similar to how I remembered him, but different at the same time aged almost, as though he'd suffered long over something and it had aged him beyond his years, like many of the others our age whom I'd encountered.

"Dean..." I whispered hugging him tightly.

"Hermione," His voice was shaking, almost as though he was about to cry. "you're alive."

"I'm so glad you're alright." I whispered releasing him.

"And everyone else…"

"It's hard to explain… Come with me, dinner is almost ready and it's cold out…"

"Things aren't good, are they?" He asked gently, picking up the hint of nervousness in my voice.

"A lot has happened in the year gone, things change, and more importantly people change."

"Hermione, what's happened out there?"

"Every plan has fallen to pieces, and it's my entire fault."

"I'm sure it's not," He whispered wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulder, "but I however, have a fair idea of the damage my decisions have had out there, I just haven't been able to face them yet."

The warmth of the fire burning within the fireplace of the tents living room resonated within the walls of the tent causing a tingling sensation to cross my skin tearing away the bitter chill of the outside air. I could smell whatever meagre meal we'd managed to pull together cooking on the stove, yet it did little to satisfy my dreams of something more filling for dinner this evening. What little we gathered during the day became our meal that evening, and even I can't pretend that I did not dream of the Hogwarts feasts, where the food simply appeared from thin air, summoned through the floor from the kitchens, no this was not as I'd dreamed life on the run to be at all.

"Draco…" I called as we walked in the doors.

Dean grabbed my arm in warning, almost as though for a moment he believed I was being held captive, "It's okay, people change…" I whispered breaking his gentle grasp on my arm.

"Dean…" Draco whispered stoically as he entered the room.

"Why is he with you?" Dean asked, I had to hand it to him, there was never any avoiding the topic with Dean, Dean said what he though and always meant it, and it was one of the many things I liked about Dean. That and his unwavering loyalty and friendship, there was no doubt that he belonged entirely in Gryffindor.

"Like I said, a lot has changed in the time you've been away, and I imagine in the time we've been away…"

"How did you end up together, here of all places?"

"We didn't finish the year, we left before it ended and met up with Harry and Ron after we were caught and brought to Malfoy Manor…" I noticed Dean's hands clench as I said this, almost as though some painful memory was associated with these words. "Dean, what's wrong?"

"It's my fault that they're dead…" He replied sinking to the ground.

"Who's dead?" Draco asked the panic in his voice rife.

"I ruined everything, I refused to move with them and they were caught because of me." He whispered.

"Dean, I need you to tell me what happened…"

"A few weeks ago… The group I was with, Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, Griphook and Gornuk decided it was in our best options to move, but I felt something telling me that if we moved it would be the deaths of us… I don't know what it was, it was just instinct… I refused to move and they left me here despite all their fighting and better judgments… Then the next night I'd heard Dirk and Ted had been killed by Snatchers over Potterwatch and I knew I'd ruined everything and taken their lives from them… My selfishness and inability to do what was right… Perhaps they wouldn't have been there if I went with them…"

"We can spend all our time wondering about what would have happened if we made different choices, but it doesn't change the past. It just haunts us like a poor memory. Don't dwell on it, if you'd have stayed the Snatchers might have killed you too…" Draco whispered darkly.

"How would you know?" He asked looking up into Draco's dark grey eyes.

"I have many things I regret in my past, I try not to dwell on the mistakes I made which led me to this path, but rather, focus on the future I created for myself here. A future with so much more promise than that life held for me."

"Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater." Dean spat.

"Dean!" I cried.

"Hermione, look at yourself! You're in the presence of a known Death Eater and all you can do is defend him, I thought you were supposed to be the brightest witch of your age, has that all vanished now?"

"I don't care about his past, I only care about the man he is now, and the man he will become in the future. Dean, he's changed, and if Harry and Ron can believe me and him when we say it, I'm sure you can bring yourself to believe to."

"You've seen Harry and Ron?" He asked, his eyes widening.

"I'm guilt free as you'd think, Dean… I ruined something too; perhaps even our chances in this war."

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_Miss Mayhem, you're strength and friendship make writing easy even when it's difficult. _

**Author's Note:** _The next chapter will be up in the next two days! Don't forget to review! _


	81. When Was The Last Time You Sighed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Eighty One: __When Was The Last Time You Sighed?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_"For everything exists and not one sigh nor smile nor tear, one hair nor particle of dust, not one can pass away."_

* * *

Dean's face dropped as I recounted the tale of our escape from Gringotts, almost as though he could feel the utter frustration and anger I felt within my heart. Seeing his face drop like this was almost the worst part of telling him, but for brief moment telling someone seemed to make all the difference in the world. It was almost as though by telling someone other than Draco I was allowing myself to be forgiven for the actions of my past and maybe in some way attempting to heal the wounds that came with my mistakes. We could not all come out of the war unscathed, our actions would always be noted in the minds of those we wronged, but perhaps, if we attempted to make amends for the pain and suffering we caused, perhaps, just maybe we could begin to heal the wounds we sliced open. What I had done would be something I would have to live with for the rest of my life, letting them go and not following them even when my better judgment told me, I knew I'd made one of the biggest mistakes of my life at that very moment.

Although I had not killed anyone, at times I felt as though I may as well have. It seemed as though the mistakes I made were weighing up against the good I did and in the end there was little left to balance it out. It didn't make me a bad person, or a good person for that matter, no it only made me human and human's - as Dean told me, make mistakes. Everyone in this war had made their fair share of mistakes, but the results of them were what mattered most.

"I might be able to help you…" Dean said finally, breaking a long silence which had followed my confession.

"How?"

"The Snatchers have been quite active recently, they've been taking a lot of the people they manage to catch to a building a few towns over. I heard this from a couple I ran into a few weeks ago, their daughter was caught and taken there, however the Snatchers who took her in weren't exactly the most intelligent bunch around, I've actually heard many of them aren't even human, just trying to make some money off of the situation… The building isn't heavily guarded, a few watchmen scattered around the gates, it makes it easy to go there and see if there's someone you know in there. Perhaps it might be worth a look to see if Harry and Ron are there…"

"They would have been taken to the Manor already…" Draco replied.

"What if they managed to avoid being taken there?"

"As in what if they disguised themselves?"

"Exactly, what if the reason we haven't heard from them is because they're unable to make contact?"

"It's risky… What if they're not there?"

"Then we have the chance to free hundreds of people who have been wrongfully imprisoned for their blood status." Dean replied.

"Where exactly is this building?"

"Two towns over, in an old abandoned warehouse outside the city. It was once a wizarding community but now it's become something of a ghost town, the only people you'll find there tend to be Death Eaters." He replied.

"How do you know all this?"

"I've been over there a couple of times and had a look around, the security is lacking and the town is next to dead."

"It doesn't mean that security is lacking, there's a number of charms that it could be, all of them potentially acting without being seen. It's a risk and a half even attempting to go anywhere near this place, but we have to try…"

"Are you sure about this?" Draco asked.

"No, but this is the first lead we've had, I think we're supposed to take it."

"What if we get caught?"

"Does that matter? There's a chance we're going to find Harry and Ron."

"We need to think about this before we run into a situation we aren't completely ready for."

I looked up at Dean, "Could you draw a basic outline of the town and the warehouse by any chance?"

"I could, but the details might not be entirely accurate. I haven't been there in over a week, I used to go down there and see I could see anyone I knew wandering around under guard in the town or perhaps walking around the warehouse confines. I never saw anyone, it's only the rumours that I've heard, the whispers and the information I've been handed which have enabled me to figure this all out."

I grabbed a piece of parchment from the table and my quill and ink from the bag containing everything that was not sprawled out within the tent, and handed them to him. I watched as he quickly set to work drawing a detailed map with the same skill I remembered from his time at Hogwarts. This was same hand I'd seen draw magnificent banners which graced the Gryffindor section of the Quidditch stands was now drawing a map that would be the life or death of potentially hundreds of people. Although it was not my initial intention to storm in and save hundreds of innocent and wrongfully imprisoned witches and wizards, it had now become apparent that it was now a potential part of the plan.

Suddenly the whole world came into perspective, and I realised our actions here would make a difference in this war, and I could not deny the gravity of that. I could no longer pretend that if I sat back and ignored the world, everything would still happen. I had a role to play in all of this and despite how scared and alone I felt in my heart as though was locked away in the deepest depths of my own fears; I knew that I had to overcome that to save those who couldn't save themselves. It was hard to say whether suddenly I'd found the courage to go on again or whether I was simply running on what little I had left, but by morning I knew I was ready to face whatever the day brought.

We packed up the tents, there was no denying the fact that we wouldn't be able to return to this place no matter what happened it was long passed the deadline for moving. Dean's had very few possessions with it, it seemed as though when they moved the group had taken everything that was theirs and left him with only the necessities to survive. I couldn't blame them, it was almost an everyman for himself type situation, yet sometimes it felt as though we needed each other for support and comfort and not to be left alone in the dark like this. Dean had spent the night on the couch in the living room of the tent despite there being enough bunks for each of us, he claimed that he did not wish to impose but perhaps he felt as though he was intruding on our lives.

It was comforting to have another's presence in the tent that was now our home. Dean had brought a little life back into our lives, laughing and making jokes when appropriate and never questioning why it is we remained together when he could so easily still be a death eater. In some small way, it was to have that faith again, to have someone who trusted us when the whole world seemed to be in a constant state of disbelief. It was nice to have a little trust in the small world that had become our lives, again. We'd spent much of the night preparing our angle of attack for this plan, there was so much that could go wrong if we incorrectly planned anything, but I had faith in the complete and utter unintelligence of the Death Eaters and their accomplices they called Snatchers. That was if the last group truly was one of the more intelligent groups we'd managed to run into thus far, I had complete faith we could manage to outsmart them if need be.

I was putting the finishing touches on Draco's appearance when Dean emerged from the forest in his long black robes that I'd altered from our old school robes. The plan was to blend in as a group of snatchers, Draco and I, unfortunately had the benefit of knowing exactly how it was that they operated. Beneath his robes, Draco was now a tall, dark haired man of roughly thirty. His eyes were now a deep brown and he was sporting hair the same length as mine, his appearance was somewhat unnerving, I'd never seen him look so different and yet at the same time he was still there beneath the mask I'd created. The worry lines that had stretched across his brow and the bruising beneath his eyes from lack of sleep seemed to be more noticeable than ever on this strangers face.

He reached forwards with his wand in hand and quickly set to work, he shortened my hair and ran over my facial features distorting them slightly creating the illusion of a new person, when I glanced into the small hand mirror I'd used on him I nearly dropped it. Looking back at me from within the depths of the reflective glass was my Mother, perhaps a little younger looking than I'd ever seen her but nevertheless the woman I'd sent away for her own safety.

"Can you alter it a little more?" I asked softly.

"It doesn't matter if you don't like it, it isn't permanent…" Draco replied.

"No… I just look exactly like my Mum." I replied.

"I'll change it." He replied, quickly correcting it so that not even a glimmer of what had been there was left.

It felt as though I was losing her again as it washed away from my face, but I knew it was for the best. I could not masquerade in a face that looked so similar to hers, it risked her safety. I was sure that the Death Eaters would be aware of her presence in my life, she was a valuable tool in capturing me, I knew this and one day, I knew she would understand this once I'd corrected my mistakes. I had to let her slip from my mind, and my father too, I was leaving myself entirely at risk of losing concentration if I allowed myself to be controlled by my dears for their safety. I had to remain on task, no matter how difficult and horrible it was of me as a daughter to think these things. Sacrifices had to be made starting here. Dean was next to be transformed, although little was needed for him, he was already looking staggeringly different, he'd aged and with each passing day it became more and more obvious.

We linked arms, Dean had vanished long before he would have been able to take and pass his Apparition test, I'd asked for him to describe as best he could the visual location I was aiming for, I only hoped his instructions were enough to guide us. I closed my eyes and felt us being sucked backwards in the dizzying sensation that felt as though your stomach going to be sucked through your skin, only to find myself in an entirely unknown location upon opening our eyes.

"We're here…" Dean replied.

"Are you sure? I can move us a little closer to the actual location if need be."

"The warehouse is just over there…" He whispered quietly withdrawing his wand. "Follow me."

For a moment I was frozen with fear, or more noticeably – anxiousness. I could not quite tell what would be waiting for us around the next corner, but with a great sigh I plucked up the courage to follow him into the unknown. As we approached the warehouse I noticed that the answers were near to us. I noticed a group appear from the darkness at the gates and in a bright green flash of light half the group collapsed to the ground. I had to muffle the scream that escaped my lips, I never seen something so harsh and brutal in my life. I imagined I'd never be able to forget it, but for a brief moment, I shut my eyes and the whole world fell silent.

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_My new friend, we're joined by a mutual best-friend-ship with the same person, and it's been a blast getting to know you these past few weeks._

**Author's Note:** _In some small way, being this close to the end renders me near speechless, and at the same time hesitant to ever finish, with only 19 more uncoloured chapters on my plan I realise the gravity of what's about to happen, it's coming to an end. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up today or tomorrow at the latest. Please review if you stopped by this way to let me know you were here :)_


	82. When Was The Last Time You Watched?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Eighty Two:__When Was The Last Time You Watched?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Watch __your thoughts, for they become words._

_Watch __your words, for they become actions._

_Watch __your actions, for they become habits._

_Watch __your habits, for they become character._

_Watch __your character, for it becomes your destiny.__"_

* * *

Even if I closed my eyes I could never quite forget the brutality I'd witnessed here. I could not forget the looks on the faces of the men, women and children looking desperately through the fences at the outside world. Their expressions seemed as though they were pleading directly to me for someone to rescue them. Every bone in my body wished that I could help them, that I wasn't so completely and utterly trapped by my shock and fear and could just walk down there and remove the Death Eaters from this place entirely. I could scarcely call Death Eaters people, not when they had removed people from their jobs, their homes and their family and friends. Their actions had far outweighed what little good they might have done when Voldemort was in hiding, families such as he Malfoy's who seemed to attempt to pour money into good causes in some form of attempt to remove the guilt they felt for their actions in the first Wizarding World War.

It took all my self-control to keep myself still, the anger I felt was beginning to seep into every muscle in my body and for the briefest moment I believed I was going to rush forward and do something rash. I felt Draco's hand wrap gently around my bicep, it was clear he understood that if left unwatched I would do something I'd regret very quickly. He turned me around to face him and the fear in his eyes was obvious as he looked at me. I hugged him tightly; but I could not help but notice the guilt brimming beneath his eyes. He had no reason to feel guilty for this, there was nothing he could have done past, present or future to avoid the presence and actions of the Snatchers. I hated to think about the fact that even if you managed to avoid them for some time, one small slip up and you could find yourself here, amidst those waiting for judgment in front of the Muggleborn Registration Commission or worse, those awaiting some unknown fate as being upon the ever-growing wanted list as set by the Death Eaters.

I knew for a fact that my name sat atop this list to a certain degree, perhaps Ron may have taken his rightful place as second to Harry's name, all I'd managed was to get Draco's name placed among the top ten, thus forcing his own family to hunt him down like an animal. I could not stand by and watch this monstrosity unfold before my eyes; I could not idly stand by and watch as these people live in such a state. These people were like me, undeserving of such a fate simply because of their blood-status and I understood this almost as equally as any of them, yet I would never quite be able to understand their plight in these places. No-one deserved a fate like this, this was a prison designed by the Death Eaters to eliminate anyone who opposed them, or more importantly their ultimate goal – anyone who did not possess (in their eyes) the ability to perform magic.

Whispers of their brutal and often unprovoked Muggle-killings had reached my ears, I could not pretend that each time I heard a whisper of such actions I did not feel violently ill, even more so than the wound in my side which had slowly healed, just as Madam Pomfrey had predicted. I feared that each time I heard a whisper of yet another Muggle-killing it was a neighbour or distant relative I'd once visited with my parents. I knew my parents were safe, no-one would think to look for a pair of middle-aged Australian's if they were hunting for my parents. The fact that even if they ad someone constantly looking for them the possibilities were endless, it was the aspect of my plan which rendered them safe from Death Eater threat. It was a constant reminder that perhaps I had finally done something right by them, that I could finally use the knowledge I'd gained to protect them, and that I had done something good in this world, no matter how unthinkable it was.

"We have to get closer; I can't see anyone I recognise from here." Dean noted crawling to his feet.

"Are we actually going to go inside the warehouse?" Draco asked, I noticed the nerves laced in his every word, if I could so much as speak I imagined my words too would sound as thus.

"Stick to the plan," He replied, "they aren't going to question another group of Snatchers as long as you remain in character."

"Hermione… You know them better than anyone, once we're inside examine everyone, you'll know their expressions and mannerisms better than anyone else, if you suspect it is them grab them and drag them to the door. Do you remember what to say if you're asked what you're doing?"

After a moment of silence, I found my voice, "I may no longer be at school, Dean, but I'm not an idiot," I replied, "if questioned I am to say, "'_I'm under instruction to bring this lot to Malfoy Manor, if you have a problem with it, contact Lucius,_' and as you mentioned, it might also help if I throw in a few words about them being traitors, as Draco said, they seem to be more fond of seeing _justice_ being served upon those who have supposedly wronged _them_."

"It'll work, they won't contact them, these people are not supposed to have anything to do with the Death Eaters aside from delivering persons of interest to them. They're fully aware of the punishment for wrongly contacting their superiors as such, it will generally land them in a shallow grave, and they won't want to risk that, these people are here for the money they earn bringing these people in. It's selfishness that drives them, and they are likely to look out for themselves at any rate."

"Then it's time…" I whispered standing on my feet and walking forwards.

In the complete light of day any fully capable guard would have seen us approaching from almost any distance, yet it took until we'd almost reached the gate for the two men to actually physically see and stop us as we approached. This only helped my nerves; if all the Snatchers within this building followed a similar pattern we'd have very little trouble entering the building. They took a single glance at us and waved us through, clearly too tired or just too lazy to even bother checking the people they were allowing into this restricted space. I had to hand it to the Snatchers; they were making our job so much easier than they should have, almost so easy the wave of doubt that set in as we crossed the grounds through wave after wave of starving, dirt covered people begging for some form of mercy.

This could very well have been a trap, Dean perhaps was caught alongside his group and he could be hidden within the confines of a building such as this, so that on the off chance that the person masquerading as Dean ran into someone such as the likes of Draco or I, we could be lured into a trap. It was a horrible thought; to think that someone I trusted so highly in my time at Hogwarts could now be used against us in a plan to trap us within this place against our will, well it was almost unthinkable. I wanted to trust Dean, I truly did. I needed to be able to believe that trust was still important in this world, that it still existed even beneath the immorality exhibited by many and lack of justice served to those who truly deserved it.

I felt as though the world had suddenly turned against me, feeding me insecurities and doubts to throw me off balance, but it was not the world doing this to me; it was my own inability to fully trust anyone these days. I liked to think the world would be a better place when the war ended and we got back to every day normal lives, but I couldn't tell if I could see myself ever being able to fully trust anyone ever again. I did not let fear take hold, for I knew if I did it would be the end of me, I would the deer thrown into a den of lions, unable to escape before their sharp teeth pierced my body and tore me limb from limb. I stepped forward towards the warehouse opening the doors with a swift flick of my wand before pocketing it. I was constantly aware of my hands presence upon the cool wooden surface of my wand; in times like these you could never be too careful, and as Moody would say we were required to have '_constant vigilance_,' in order to remain safe in times like these.

It was hard not to notice the hopeless looks of devastation in their eyes. Their lifeless glares seemed to be piercing through my soul as I wandered along the rows of people left sitting on the cool floor of the warehouse. Many looked hungry, tired and afraid and yet there was no comfort I could offer them in this body. As I swept along, row, after row, after row I could not help but notice the age of some of these people. Many of them should have been at school, some even as young as seven or eight. I felt sick to my stomach to see people being forced to live in conditions such as these, awaiting trial for a supposed crime that they could never have avoided committing. Something in their eyes reminded me of a time when I lived so lifelessly, and yet it made me feel as though I truly had no reason to behave in such a way. I'd never been given a reason to abandon all hope as these people had done. Even the thought of behaving so childishly ever again made me feel sick to the stomach.

I noticed two men crouched in a corner together at the end of the third row, they looked younger than many of the men surrounding them, but as I approached they cowered away from me. Such behaviour would not have been common for Harry and Ron, if they were truly in a place such as this - a Snatchers Lair as I'd heard some of those imprisoned whispering, they would have fought it with all their power. My hands tightened on the cloak as I walked past the men, indicating at Draco and Dean to grab a family each as I was about to do and leave as soon as possible. We'd agreed, if we could not rescue Harry and Ron, we may as well save as many families as we possibly could have. Three seemed like a number which would not raise suspicion. Draco had confirmed that families were often brought in as a group, so it only made sense to take a family each.

I grabbed an older woman from her feet roughly, causing the two children clinging to her to cry out.

"Follow me, or I kill her." I said pointing my wand at her throat.

The children looked utterly terrified, but it was all in their best interests. I noticed Dean and Draco leaving without being questioned by the watchmen within the warehouse and made my way to the door with the family in tow. As we walked across the open pavement and towards the gate I stopped, recognising a familiar face before my own. The very same ghostly imprints of Harry and Ron that had plagued me during my school year had returned, this time, they were not arguing but simply talking. I attempted to move towards them, almost running straight into a group of Snatchers bringing in their latest catches. I was pulled suddenly from my lapse in concentration by a high pitch squeal which pierced the air.

"_DAD!"_

I noticed the young girl break free from her mother, to whom I still had by the throat, my wand resting delicately above the hollow in her neck. It was in a brief instant that a man turned to face them and the woman too broke free of my grasp, squealing some inaudible name beneath her joy, as she ran towards who I assumed to be her husband. I felt the weight of a body forcefully slam into my own knocking me to the ground. As I looked up, I saw four single jets of emerald green light shoot through the air, each directed at one member of the newly reunited family, hitting them squarely in the chest, and as they fell I could not help but notice the light draining from their eyes as their lifeless bodies met the smooth surface of the pavement.

Of the things I would never forget, this night day had become of them. They could hang me by the wrists in a dungeon for several days, carve the word '_Mudblood_' into my arm, throw a poisoned dagger into my side and curse me with every spell under the sun but they would never take my spirit from me, but this, this had defeated me. I would never forget the cries of these people, their helpless screams as their husbands, wives, parents and even children were unjustly murdered before their very eyes, I would never forget the lifeless thud upon the pavement which came with the delivery of a body to the ground. Of the things I would never forget this would be the one that would haunt my sleep until the day I died, it would be the day that I could never speak of for fear of being unable to speak ever again. I would never forget the day I witnessed the life being drained from the bodies of those who did not deserve it, and did nothing but watched.

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_ Night-Fox, guess what day it is…_

**Author's Note:** So, it's probably become apparent but I'm aiming for 5 chapter updates this week. Three more to go! Any reviews are appreciated!


	83. When Was The Last Time You Killed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Eighty Three:__ When Was The Last Time You Killed?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Kill nothing but time."_

* * *

I rolled onto my back, pushing the body still holding mine to the ground away. As I did so I noticed the radiating pain extending from my arm. I could conclude from my knowledge of injuries that it was not broken, at least not to the best of my knowledge. I was able to move it with some difficulty, so I believed it to be more a strain than a breakage near my wrist. I crawled to my feet noticing that it was Draco who had pushed me from the course of one of the spells which had killed the family right before my very eyes. As I took several small steps I had to hold my stomach, it was all I could do to avoid vomiting across the pavement at my feet. I moved towards Draco and as I pulled him to his feet I felt a destabilising wave of gratitude wash over me. He too was sporting a sprained wrist where his hand has so roughly met the pavement but he was able to move it without much pain. I noticed the Snatchers closing ranks around the group they'd just brought in, I realised they feared an uprising, all had their wands drawn and poised, ready to senselessly murder anyone who stood in their way.

"We need to get out of here now." He whispered.

"I know but what are we going to do about the family? We can't just leave them here." I asked looking at the four bodies lying sprawled across the ground, the result of my own lapse in concentration.

"We have to; we can't take them with us, Hermione."

"Draco, if that was your family would you want them left sprawled across the ground like dead animals?"

"They'd deserve it." He replied darkly.

"Well that family doesn't deserve it, Draco. No-one does."

"How are we supposed to take them with us? We can just carry four dead bodies out of here without it being questioned. Hermione, even though your better judgement is telling you otherwise, we have no choice but to leave them here. They will be buried; these Snatchers won't just leave them out here to rot away on the pavement, it just will not in the way you would wish for your family to be buried."

"This is my fault, Draco. There were children who were murdered because of a lapse in my concentration. It's my fault that they were killed because I could not keep control of them, I could not stop them running to their father when they saw him, and who would I have been to try?"

"You did what we would have all done, let them go… No matter what you did, they would have been killed, their disobedience and inability to cooperate with the Snatcher taking them to another location would have been a sign that this family needed to be dealt with, sooner rather than later." He replied.

"Sometimes I wish you didn't have that insight into the minds of these people." I whispered.

"I wish every day that I could forget all I was taught, and just live as a free man. But I doubt that shall ever be possible, the past haunts us in ways we cannot imagine."

"I'm never going to forget this day… Forever burned into the back of my mind. I'll never be able to forget the life being drained from their eyes as they fell to the ground, nor the sound of their lifeless bodies meeting the pavement. I didn't even know their names, and yet, they shall forever be a part of me. I don't see the how that is at all fair! I don't see why they should die whilst those horrible people who took their lives should live; I can barely find the sense in all this supposed logic…"

"It's because there is no logic in their way of thought at all. This is war; logic fades to a stage where it almost ceases to exist at all…"

"Logic never ceases to exist, Draco; it's simply not common among wizarding folk. So many great witches and wizards live their lives using magic to solve all their problems and never find the need for simple logic. That much is clear to me when you look at the causes of this war."

"War is illogical, you'll find very little logic in any war, and it's simply how the world works. But we need to rise above that, and do what needs to be done to ensure order remains where possible."

He took my hand gently, facing away from the Snatchers, "We need to go now…"

I followed him in silence, as much as I hated leaving this mess and devastation in our wake, I knew deep down that we had to leave. As we escorted the two remaining families from the fence without question and left the surroundings of the warehouse a woman finally had the courage to speak.

"Where are you taking us?"

"We're releasing you," I replied removing the hood from my cloak, "we aren't Snatchers, we're looking for our friends who've gone missing and we decided to rescue three separate families if did not find them."

"Bless you…" The woman said weeping at my feet, "We were to face trial tomorrow; I could not bear the thought of my children being sent to Azkaban!"

The other woman and her husband were weeping too, embracing their children and breathing in the air of their newly gain freedom.

"Unfortunately there is very little we can offer you in the way of support… We've not got spare wands, or somewhere for you to live, but I can offer you some advice. There has been a taboo placed upon You Know Who's name, do not speak it. I can guarantee the Snatchers who pick you up for such an action will not be as kind to you as the ones you've experienced. In fact, you will be very lucky to avoid a one-way trip to Malfoy Manor."

"Thank you," The woman whispered hugging me, "you've given us so much more than our freedom; you've given us our lives…"

I returned her warm, motherly hug, "Please, stay safe…" I whispered.

"I've made the mistake of being captured once; I will not allow myself to fall into that trap once again. I will not risk the lives and happiness of my children." She replied, it was such a comfort to hear her concern for her children, knowing that motherly concern existed in such a time was a comfort to the senses, proving that not all concern for others had been lost.

"How did they find you?"

"They found our settlement, that's why there were so many of us in there, I think at last count there were one hundred and eight of us. We need to stick together in times like these, for support and a way to protect ourselves. I'm Muggle-born, as is my husband, that places our children at great risk of being accused of magic-theft like I was."

"How long have you been in there?" I asked.

"A day at the most, there was such little food where we were all living prior to this, the children are starving and the cold killed what little food we had left. It's unusual to remain in the Lair for more than a day, they caught so many of us at once it's taking them quite some time to place us all in front of the Muggleborn Registration Commission to ship us out to Azkaban for the Dementors to deal with. There's rarely anyone there, we were in the first group to be brought in today, there was no-one in there before us. It's rare and unusual find for the Snatchers to find a group this large, they're not quite intelligent enough to find us, usually, but they have been known to. The Ministry, if that's what you could call it, set this up as a designated waiting point so trials could be organised more swiftly and they can ensure that we posed no threat.

"They removed our wands from us and what little food we had left; we have nothing but each other. All those people in there, they're like family to us. The Brandley's – the family killed back there, they didn't have to die, it's a great loss to the community." She replied, tears in her eyes, "We've lived together, seen the good times together and survived the bad. We survived being pushed to the brink of near starvation because we could no longer produce food to feed everyone. We are a community of the strong, a community based upon a single principle, that if can live in rebellion of the evil taking place in this world, we might make some difference. There are so many groups out there like us, banding together in secret, ready to rise against You Know Who when the time comes."

"Do you know where I can find any of these groups?"

"Listen to Potterwatch, they're broadcasting the locations of the groups now, we actually have a chance to find somewhere we can live, and perhaps when the day comes we'll be ready to rise against You Know Who like all the other rebelling groups of Muggle-borns and Blood-Traitors alike."

"Thank you." I whispered.

"No, thank you." She replied.

I watched as the families went their separate ways, hugging and thanking each of us for our help, I felt guilty watching them walk free. Almost as though the shadow of the third family walking into the distance before linking arms and Disapparating to some unknown location was haunting me, like the strange and unexplainable visions of Harry and Ron that seemed to come and go at will. I reached my hand into my pocket, a cold smooth object finding its way into my hand. I pulled it from my pocket and examined the small silver object; it was the Deluminator that Dumbledore had left to Ron. I wondered how it was that it had found its way into my robe pocket, but I imagined it would be no mere coincidence. Ron had been meddling with it for days before the wedding, he almost surely knew how it operated, and left it for me to find.

"What's that?" Dean asked.

"A Deluminator, one of Dumbledore's own designs… He left it to Ron." I replied.

"Why do you have it?" Draco asked.

"I don't know, I never noticed it in my pocket before this, it must have been in there since before the wedding last year… It's been in there the whole time…" I whispered.

"How could you not notice it?" Dean asked.

"It's actually quite light despite the obvious silver content on the outside, but I don't know. It was tucked away in my pocket almost as though Ron had meant for me to find it at some later point in time. I've only ever seen it store the light from any source within it, which can be released at a later time…"

"Is there anything else it does?"

"I'm not entirely sure," I replied pocketing it, "I don't even understand why it is he's left me in possession of it."

There was a moment of silence, no-one quite knew how to fill the void, and for that moment we were all teenagers again, not soldiers fighting in this war, or some of the most highly sought after criminals of the time, _we were just kids._ How were we supposed to deal with a situation like this? We'd never been prepared to venture off into the world on our own to fight evil in secret, nor to actually deal with what we would find out here. It would scar us forever, but perhaps if we survived it, we would be remembered for our heroics, but what was the price we would pay to be regarded as heroes, would we lose our sanity, our lives, our friends? Was the price of saving others worth the toll it would take upon us?

"We're going back in," Draco whispered, "once it's dark we're going to go back in and remove every single Snatcher and release all of those people..."

"We can't do that!" Dean replied.

"We have to, didn't you see the difference it made to those two families; imagine the difference it would make to all those people…"

"I agree with Draco," I replied, "we can't leave them in there. I only counted twelve Snatchers guarding those inside and two at the gates. It's an easily removable threat..."

"What do you propose," Dean asked angrily, "storming in and killing everyone inside? If that's the case, Hermione, I don't wish to be a part of this suicide mission."

"I'm going back in there, with or without the both of you, if that was your family in there, how would you feel? Would want someone to take the initiative to save them, even if it meant a small risk to their lives? If it was me, I'd want someone to be doing everything they could to rescue my family." I replied in a whisper.

"My family wouldn't deserve it, but I can think of what freedom will mean to those people in there. It means they have the chance to survive, to live again. As that woman said, they've had a taste of what imprisonment means under the hands of the Snatchers, they don't want to go back there, and they'll do all in their power to avoid it, not if you're taken to the Muggleborn Registration Commission. We are essentially freeing them from the devastating fate which awaits most them at the hands of that board, the one's that are taken to Azkaban, they'll die there. The last ounce of happiness will be drained from their bodies as the Dementors sweep past them and suck every last bit of life from their fragile frames… If you think you can imagine what Azkaban is like… Then you're wrong… It's hundreds upon hundreds of times more horrific than you could ever possibly hope to imagine… It's no longer a place for criminals; it's a place to hold Muggle-borns so that they no longer have to deal with them."

"How do you know that?" Dean asked.

Draco paled, "There was a time, when I spent a week there, awaiting decision for the crimes of my father to which I was an accessory… I was freed, but my father remained in custody of the Dementors of Azkaban…"

"Draco…" I whispered, "Why haven't you ever told me this?"

"Because I hate thinking about it!" He screamed. "I hate remembering the cold and murky air and the rattling sound they'd make when they force you to remember all those horrible events in your life…"

"We're going to do something about this, with or without you, Dean. It's entirely your choice."

"I still think it's an awful idea, but I'm not going to leave you to face this alone…"

* * *

Night had completely fallen as I found myself crawling over the wall protecting the back half of the warehouse. It was not an overly tall wall, this building had not been selected for its high security properties that much was clear. It was made difficult by the fact that we were all still wearing our robes, mine snagged as I launched myself over the top of the wall and down the opposite side. We hoped that under the disguise of Snatchers we could take all the guards out one by one, however now I was wishing we'd chosen something a little more convenient to wear. I'd handed Draco the Deluminator in case we needed to quickly remove all the light within the warehouse, and once I sent a series of bright yellow sparks into the sky with my wand he would work on counting the number of Snatchers within the warehouse and removing several of them at a time to be taken out by Dean the moment they were out of sight. It would be Dean's duty to take control of any Snatchers who arrived at the gates, although if this went according to plan, it would take less than ten minutes providing everyone moved quickly.

I walked along the perimeter of the building stunning and fully binding any Snatcher I came across, wordlessly they fell to the ground, unable to move until released. I circled around twice, ensuring that every last Snatcher from the perimeter had been removed before motioning at Dean to move forward and take out one of the two guards at the gate while I moved in towards the other from behind. In a swift and coordinated movement, the two Snatchers that had been entrusted with guarding the entrance to the warehouse had been removed, leaving only those inside. I sent up the golden sparks and entered the building, watching as Dean removed himself from sight.

Inside, I saw Draco talking to two Snatchers, the only two within the building. I looked around and saw only half the number of people sitting on the floor as the last time I'd been here. I'd estimated there to be roughly fifty within and fifty outside the building, now, we'd be lucky to collect more than fifty entirely. Our poor timing had placed many people in the hands of the Ministry. Of the people who were left it was clear many were sitting waiting for their turn to be moved to the Ministry. I walked forward greeting the men to whom Draco was speaking, we spoke brief about the others in this large group, and the money received for each individual, it hardly seemed worth handing over another human being for that price. They could be left to live their lives in hiding and these people would be no better off monetary-wise. After some time the two men decided to take their leave and exited the building, as they did Draco and I moved about stirring those half asleep and getting everyone to their feet.

I watched a series of bright golden sparks erupt into the air outside the building before proceeding, "You are being rescued, once free, you are to take you children and Apparate to one of the secure locations housing other Muggle-borns. If you are not aware of these locations please ask someone or Apparate alongside them. We have to move quickly, as there are so many of us; you need to get out before they return for the next lot. When you see the bright red sparks please move from here swiftly and calmly. I pray, that I none of you fall into the hands of these Snatchers again, for they have your names and your wands, and they will surely be less kind you the next time around."

There was a sudden outburst of cheers, and it seemed as though their spirits had not been broken after all. We watched in quiet anticipation of the signal. As the sparks shot into the air everyone within the building began to move, scattering in all directions. Some climbed the fence where possible, as I had done. Others pushed their way through the front gate, which was large enough to allow several cars through at any one time. In a matter of minutes everyone had vanished and our task was complete. Although it was not the success we'd hoped for, it was a magnificent feeling to be giving nearly fifty people their freedom back. Dean was smiling as we walked through the gate, it was almost infectious. Although we were just kids, we'd done something in this world that made all the difference and one day we would be able to rise against Voldemort and defeat him, providing Harry and Ron continued to quietly do their task. Although I was not as nervous about them now, seeing the extent of the Death Eater's power, and ability to lock people within Azkaban for nothing more than their parentage inspired a new flame of courage to burn within my heart, spurred on by hope I was positive we could win this war.

It was a silent night, dark, quiet and almost eerie. It was so quiet that the loud popping sound I associated with Apparition seemed even louder than ever when it suddenly pierced the air. I froze, we were not alone. I wheeled around to see Draco standing there an arm around his throat looking pale and shocked.

"Don't you move or I'll kill him."

"I won't…" I replied.

"Where are all the Mudbloods?"

"They escaped."

"How?"

"They stunned us; we were out looking for them." I replied.

"They don't have wands," He replied, "collected them myself."

"Well that's strange considering they managed to stun us without a wand." Dean replied.

"You know what I think?" He replied.

"You're all a bunch o' traitors, you let them go."

"That's simply an accusation, there's no truth to it." I replied.

"You know what we do to traitors around here…" He replied darkly raising his wand to Draco's throat.

"Yes, we do," Dean replied calmly, "but you see, we can find them…"

"That won't be good enough… The Ministry's expecting that lot in twenty minutes; I for one don't want to be the bearer of bad news. So, I'm thinking once I've killed you," He snarled point to Dean, "and this one here, you missy, can be the one to tell Umbridge what went down in there…"

"You won't be killing anyone…"

"Oh won't I?" He asked.

"No."

"Why's that?"

"Because you'll already be dead if you so much as even try…" I replied raising my wand to his face.

"Let's see then… _Avada_…"

"_Avada Kedavra_!" The spell escaped my lips without a second thought, and as the man I now recognised as Scabior hit the ground with a thud at Draco's feet.

In that moment I realised the gravity of what I'd just done.

* * *

**Dedicated To: **_D, you found the courage to tell me something you thought would change everything, I only have more respect for you._


	84. When Was The Last Time You Wavered?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**  
__Chapter Eighty Four: When Was The Last Time You Wavered?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_**Adjective**_

_**wavering**_

_Fluctuating__; being in __doubt__; __undetermined__; __indecisive__; __uncertain__; __unsteady__._

* * *

My body shook with fear, not a common fear, but an unknown fear that I'd not felt before. My breath caught in my throat leaving me gasping for air as I glared down at the damage of my rash and irresponsible actions. I shook, unable to control my own actions I stumbled sidewards and fell to the ground, my knees collapsing beneath my own weight. I dropped my wand, it was almost as though it was burning in my hand and I could no longer hold on to it. I ran my hands through my hair trying to find some clarity in what I'd just done, yet not matter how much I struggled with my own thoughts I was unable to break through the cloud of fear removing all clarity from my mind. I could not speak it was almost as though each time I even so much as tried to open my mouth my lips glued shut once again, I was scared that all that would come out would be a series of pitiful excuses, each worse than the next, none ever quite able to sum up entirely what had possessed me in that moment of panic. I doubted I'd ever be able to quite put words to what drove me to take a life.

It was unfathomable, I could not believe I'd been pushed to the extent that I simply stepped forward and drained the life from another human being. I clutched my chest as the restriction upon my breathing only became worse with each intake of breath, I could not quite manage to take in enough air, I was slowly asphyxiating on the air I'd managed to inhale, it was slow and painful, yet it passed leaving only me and my thoughts sitting alone upon the ground. I felt violently ill but it would be a fair punishment for what I'd done for this feeling to never fade, if in some small way it changed what I'd done I could live with it. I'd often wondered how it was that the likes of Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange could take life after life and not even batter an eyelid, and now I knew that it was due to a lack of remorse for their actions that they could still breathe following their actions. If it could so easily render me unable to breathe or think sensibly, I could not help but wonder what direction their thoughts went in following a murder. _Did they enjoy the feeling of watching the life drain from their victim's eyes? Did they enjoy hearing the rattle of their last breath?_ I would be haunted until the end of my days, but why did it only seem to be me who felt this way?

I felt a hand upon my shoulder; it sent shivers down my spine, causing me to pull away from their touch, "Don't touch me…" I cried.

"_Hermione_…" Draco whispered.

"Leave me…"

"I'm not leaving you."

"I deserved to be left."

"You saved my life…" He replied.

"I took a life!" I screamed the words bitter were in my mouth as I spoke them aloud.

"Hermione, what you did, you did for the better. I know you; you'll begin comparing yourself to the likes of Bellatrix Lestrange and You Know Who. Believe me when I say this, Hermione – You are a good person, with only the best intentions. You did not take a life out of spite or for fun, you took his life because he was about to hurt someone dear to you. You aren't a bad person, and don't, for a single moment believe that you are." Dean whispered kneeling down to eyelevel.

His words were heartfelt and genuine, yet I could not help but notice the edge hidden beneath his caring words, he was afraid of what I'd done. The kindness in his eyes was forced, as though the monster I was afraid I'd become was slowly transforming before their eyes, stretching its wings finally free of its prison. Draco bent down and gathered me in his arms, a loving action yet it carried the weight of familiarity. He knew how it felt to do something you regretted for the rest of your life, he knew how it felt to suddenly lose control of your life and find yourself in a situation you'd never wished for. I'd found him gouging the Dark Mark from his arm, he was living proof that it was possible to come back from the horrors of your past, the only problem was, I could not see how I was to overcome this.

"Hermione, believe us both when we say this, you are a good person. This doesn't change anything."

My words sounded hollow as they escaped my lips and I folded myself into his arms, "It's already changing everything…"

* * *

Words were rarely spoken during the day, Draco had made a habit of spending most of the day outside following Dean's departure, he'd moved to the nearest settlement of Muggle-borns for protection and so that he would no longer be intruding upon our lives. Although I was near positive that it was because of the state of disarray our lives had fallen into following the rescue at the Snatcher's Lair. I felt nothing when he left, the dark cloud of dread was removing all my emotions, and rendering them completely unstable, I could no longer feel happy. In the days that passed, I'd been rendered unable to feel anything at all, the ice-cold sensation of fear settling in upon my mind.

"How are you feeling?" Draco asked taking my hands and looking me in the eyes.

"I'm fine…" I replied evenly dropping his hands and walking alone to what had now become my own room, my own place of quiet solitude – my self-imposed prison.

I was perfectly fine, or so I'd led him to believe.

* * *

The darkness had engulfed the campsite once again; I could hear Draco's peaceful snores from the room beside me as I carefully pulled myself out of bed quietly pulling on my coat, so as to avoid the cold and bitter air I usually associated with winter. I pulled on the pair of sneakers I had lain aside and grabbed my already packed bag. I slowly but quietly crossed the kitchen and living room, careful to avoid any sound for fear of waking of waking Draco. As I slowly approached the piece of cloth that was the door to the tent I heard the wind blowing heavily outside. I shuddered, I would only have to make it outside the protection charms before I could vanish forever, and it was not far. I'd thought much about running away these past few days, not to hide myself away, but to protect Draco. I feared what I was capable of and the person I would become once I'd had this first taste of killing. I feared I was to become a heartless monster, remorseless and cold like the bitter night, and I knew, it was time - time to run.

I slowly peeled the door open and clambered outside, the rain pelting down heavily upon my skin, Draco must have charmed the tent so it would not wake us as we slept. It was small actions like these that made me feel the greatest sense of gratitude towards him, he protected us with everything he knew, and if the time came, I knew he would willingly take my place in the face of a killing curse. I felt an all-consuming wave of pity for leaving him alone at such a time, when he'd done all he could to convince me that what I'd done had not changed anything. But he could not remove a murder from my hands, no matter how much he tried. It was not a simple matter of paying someone off to hide what I'd done, the act itself weighed upon my mind and there was nothing he could willingly do to remove that from me. My faith in our plan had wavered beyond repair, I realised that I was no use to a cause when I'd become just as horrifically awful as the people we were fighting. There was no hope for me, if word got out about what I'd done, I'd be no better off than a Death Eater, so I was taking the cowards way out - _I was going to run._

I slowly moved out into the rain, knowing that there was nothing that could stop me now. The ground sloshed beneath my feet unsteadily, the large amount of water pouring onto the ground causing the once stable ground to melt beneath my feet.

"Goodbye Draco..." I whispered.

"Hermione!" I heard a voice cry from behind me.

I looked back noticing Draco standing outside the tent in a fully clothed as though he was expecting something of this nature to occur. It was almost as though he too had gone to sleep in his clothes, fearing that my sudden change of heart would cause me to do something rash, something like this. I could not blame him; I'd given him little reason to believe that I was okay, aside from taking my word for it. Despite everything, here he was, standing there, soaking from the force of the rain. It broke my heart to see him there. I felt as though overnight I'd become a horrible person, one I scarcely recognised, a woman capable of murder and abandoning someone I loved. It was as though someone had taken control of my body, and I could not reclaim it. Although I hoped to protect Draco I prayed he would not try to stop me for I feared seeing the look of utter and complete devastation in his eyes as I was now, but here we were, fate having thrown us together even in our parting.

"Please don't." I cried feeling my hair whip around my face in wind.

"If you go, I'll wait here until you return. Is that what you want?" He called after me.

"I don't want you to wait. I want you to let me go!" I cried the tears pouring from my eyes.

I ran further from the tent, trying desperately to get as far away from the place I had been living for the past seven days. I wanted to get as far away from the place I had been hiding away within, I needed to find my freedom again.

"I can't let you go!" He cried. "I love you!"

I fell to my knees at his words, shocked, too stunned by those simple, almost overused words; _'I love you_.' Never had I heard him say them in such a way, yet the reality of these words brought me crashing back to earth more quickly than the time it had taken for my scheme to be formulated. The mud lashed up around me, covering me, only melting away at the touch of the rain, which was cold and soothing. I felt two warm hands lift me carefully from the ground placing me back on my feet. I looked up; Draco was holding me so closely, never had I seen him as I was now, worried, and scared to the point of being almost terrified.

"I love you too."

"Please don't leave me." He whispered.

I let out a large sob, one which almost brought me to my feet, his hands holding me steady. I placed my head gently upon his chest, knowing that I could no longer stay, but the pain I felt, the worry, the terrible feeling that we would not survive this lived on within me. The rain had washed away my inability to feel, almost as though it had stopped my heart and restarted it again, giving me a newfound ability to feel something other than the incomplete emptiness that I'd felt for days. I felt his hands grasp my face and I looked up into his grey-blue eyes that were once filled with hate, they were now swarming with an emotion that I can only describe as love, complete and utter unconditional love. I felt his hands slide around behind my ears, holding my face steady, I could not look away, I was so captivated by the emotion within his eyes, I did not see it coming until I felt it - His lips pressed gently yet passionately against mine. It was love like I had never experienced it before, I felt myself kissing him back despite the thoughts running through my mind.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm sorry too." He whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was the one running away."

"You have more to lose than I do." He whispered.

"No I don't."

"You have everything to lose. I have nothing."

"You have me." I whispered.

"Sometimes all we have is each other and I don't want to lose you because I'll have nothing then. I love you." He whispered.

"I love you," I whispered, "but I can't stay."

"Has the faith you hold in our cause wavered beyond recognition, so much so that you'll abandon even me?"

"No, Draco. My faith in my own capabilities has wavered, I no longer know what I'm capable of, and I'm scared, scared that I'll become the very epitome of everything I despise and I don't want you to see me like that, because I don't want to see myself like that."

"You believe you'll become a monster? Hermione, your heart would never allow it, you fear becoming a monster, but coming from someone who could never quite travel down that road, believe me, I would never allow you to become the monsters you fear."

"It's too late, Draco. In my heart I've already stooped to their level, I'm already a monster…"

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_Him, you got me through the hardest battle I've fought and your faith in me never once wavered._

**Author's Note:** I cannot believe how close this is to 300 reviews! It's spiked up so quickly and you would not believe the cheesy grin I've been walking around with these past few days! I hope you're enjoying the week of updates. On an interesting note, I wrote this chapter third out of all of them, but it required some serious editing before I posted it! Don't forget to leave a review!


	85. When Was The Last Time You Cried?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Eighty Five :When Was The Last Time You Cried?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

Days had passed since that urge to leave had risen within me and now it had vanished as though it had barely mattered at all. It was clear the war changed everything, things that once mattered, grades, exams and being at class on time, they no longer mattered. Past prejudices had not been broken down, replaced with respect and a mutual desire for peace, but rather had been intensified in light of the fear inspired by Voldemort's supporters. Blood status in much of the country continued to be a major driving force behind much of the violence I heard about on _Potterwatch_, it was the main excuse used by those who senselessly tortured or murdered others, in their eyes, it legitimised these actions. Common sense was no longer prevailing, fear had taken hold of the country, and continuing whispers of Voldemort's movements drove more and more people into desperation. It seemed as though blood now tied us to our fate, and this world outside the safety of rationality and common sense, was our home. It was best to keep to yourselves and hope for a reprieve.

As the days passed I wondered how it was that those without any knowledge of Harry and Ron's plan continued to live in silent hope, their faith and only chance of survival placed squarely on the shoulders of seventeen year old. In just days he would be eighteen, and in little over a month, the return to Hogwarts for students whose blood status would allow it, would begin. If a war was coming, I certainly could not see it looming upon the horizon. If I glanced out across the dreary landscape of this new place we sheltered within, should I have seen it? Or rather, should I have sensed that something was brewing out there, something I should have been a part of? My mind often lingered upon the idea of them suddenly appearing before our eyes, but it drifted away as reality set in and the improbabilities were brought to light.

It was the first time I'd seen a bright warm sunlight in days; I rolled over as I awoke to find it peeking under the small crack in the seal of the tent's window. I felt a smile break across my face as I felt its warmth upon my skin, I could not remember the last time I had felt such warmth within me. I got up slowly and padded across to the window and looked outside, the world was alight with life for just a brief moment as a cloud moved across in front of the sun and vanished, extinguishing the beauty I'd witnessed before my very eyes. I was reminded that I was lucky to have to have seen it at all; it'd been so long that we'd lived the dark; I'd forgotten what life with the warmth of the sun was. I'd forgotten what it felt like to live in a world that wasn't constantly shrouded by darkness, and I'd just been given a reason to fight for that world again, as hope dwindled even within my heart, I'd been brought back to my senses by something as simple as a little sunlight.

I changed into a neat set of clothing and wandered out into the living space, it was messy as usual, but keeping everything tidy was not our main priority. Between scrapping together enough food to survive for another day and attempting to locate Harry and Ron there was very little time for housekeeping. I noticed an unusual emptiness in the room as I entered it, almost as though something was missing and had left without my notice. I wandered over the room Draco slept within and gently pressed my ear to the door, hoping to hear the comforting sounds of his gentle snores which would reassure me that all was well, but they did not come. I did not hear the gentle intake of air into his lungs, nor did I hear the deep breath in which it was released. Fear rose within my chest as I waited, my heart pounded in my chest so strongly I believed it would break free of my chest cavity and fall upon the ground.

When my patience had reached its end, I placed my hand upon the doorhandle and wrenched the door open quickly. The room was dark and too quiet. There was no life within the room; it had been extinguished like the sunlight I'd seen earlier. I wandered over to his bed, turning the light on with a quick flick of my wand, there was nothing there save for a piece of parchment. I quickly grabbed it and brought it up to my eyes.

_You'll never know how sorry I am for leaving._

_But I had to do it._

_I love you. _

My heart lurched as I read the piece of parchment not once, but twice. Each time I read it I felt my heart tearing in two slowly and painfully. He'd actually left. The very same boy that had stopped me from leaving days earlier had actually done what I could not. I did not know what to feel, whether I should have felt betrayed or guilty. Betrayed that he had done something he would not allow me to do, deserting me rather than it being the other way around, or whether my guilt stemmed from the realisation that he had been my rock throughout the past seven months and I'd never once stopped to consider that perhaps he needed me as I needed him. I understood that he had his demons, yet he never confronted them and I did not wish to be the one who would force that upon them. I had seen what they could reduce him to, and I never wanted to place him in that situation again. I'd been selfish, yet I wanted to protect him. Was it possible to do both? Perhaps not, I'd done what I thought was best, yet in the end, it had done neither of us any good, it had only driven him to do this.

I was suddenly like the piece of rock that had weathered away at the hands of the oceans fury, falling into the deep blue emptiness below, the only thing that had held me in place gone, and never coming back. It was hard believe that this was it. He was gone. It felt like poison in my mind to think of him in such a way. He had changed beyond belief in the months gone. From that first encounter within the train in which he glared and made snide remarks to that moment he took my hand and brought me back to this place despite my own intentions of leaving. He had always brought me back to reality and now who was left to do that? No-one. I doubted I could do this alone, but with little options left I was backed into a corner with no means of escaping. I had been forced to become stronger once again, and I would have to rise to this challenge alone.

I grabbed my cloak from the coffee table and wrapped it around my neck stepping out into the surrounding areas. I scanned the horizon, perhaps subconsciously hoping to see him standing there contemplating his choice, but I could not find him. There was no chance of him returning, one the things I knew to be true about Draco was once his mind was set there was turning back. He did not go back on promise made; he would hold it until he did not have the physical capability to do so any more. He'd kept his promises to the Dark Lord, and yet had all changed. His mission to kill me had been interrupted, and although this kept me alive that little bit longer, it had placed him atop the Death Eater's hit list. I glanced down at my hand and at the ring he had given me, the promise he had made me had reaffirmed in his final letter yet what little did it mean when he had deserted me?

I felt the tears burning in my eyes as I fell to my knees in defeat. I would not cry, I was stronger than this. If I could overcome the demons in my past, I could overcome this. I carefully pulled myself to my feet attempting not only to pull the now re-fragmented life together again but looking for some form of way to pull myself together enough for force back my tears and begin attempting to look for something in all of this mess, and if I could not find anything, I was unsure what little hope I had. For a day that had started out so beautifully it was hard to see how it had become this scattered mess of what was once my life. I had had my doubts, but now it was clear that Draco's although he often hinted at having them, had taken their toll upon him, and I could only hope that he was safe and had not done anything rash. Although I doubted with very few places left to go he would have done something he would regret, a part of me still believed he would return and cure this awful tearing in my chest that came with the realisation that I had not been there for him when he needed it most despite all those times he had stood there and picked up the pieces of my scattered life, mending them as best he could this was one battle I would have to fight alone.

The brushed through the nearby trees quietly, only the faint rustling of the leaves as they brushed against one another in the wind was able to be heard as I walked towards the tent in defeat. It was a silent defeat, one which I feared if I even so much as spoke aloud would cause me to break like shattered glass. A brief flickering caught my eye as I glanced forward, my eyes darted across to the place where the flickering had only moments ago caught my eye. I paused in shock as before my eyes once again, as they had done so many times before, Harry and Ron appeared before me speaking silently their quiet ghostly imprints walking and moving about as though they were here. My heart soared, despite knowing there was nothing I could do to alter their state. I'd never been able to do anything to change it despite my best efforts.

"_Harry?" _I asked softly,

"_Ron?"_

"_Please… I need you both, now more than ever…"_

"_Please…"_ I begged.

Something shifted in the way they moved; it became almost slow and dragged out as though it were being slowed down with each passing moment. I felt a small weight in my pocket as I dipped my hand inside withdrawing the Deluminator from within its depths. I carefully clicked the small button watching as they slowly disappeared as per usual but this time they were replaced with a small silvery glowing orb hovering gently within the air. I took a careful step towards the small orb noticing the sounds of their voices filling the air surrounding it. My breath caught in chest as it drifted towards me making contact with my skin, absorbing through my clothes and into my chest. I felt strange warmth fill me as it enveloped my heart and I knew where I had to go.

I dropped everything, not literally, but in a sense of the idea I left everything I'd been holding onto in this place and left, unsure of whether I would return. I pocketed the Deluminator once again, and closed my eyes as the complete and utter sense of direction I had gained overwhelmed me and I Dissaparated into the unknown, only to reopen my eyes outside a small house on the outskirts of a small town. I glanced around nervously at my surroundings; neither of these places were familiar to me, despite feeling an overwhelming need to appear here, I did not know exactly where I was or why I was here. I noticed a small flickering light within the window of the house before my eyes and walked slowly towards it. I felt a strange sensation as I crossed through the creaking gate, the peeling white paint breaking off as I pushed it open and towards the door. With several knocks took a step back withdrawing my wand in case of the worst. As the door opened I realised this was no trap but a small miracle. As the body hurled itself into my arms I realised the answer had been in my coat pocket all along.

"Hermione!" Ron cried hugging me tightly.

"Where's Draco?" Harry asked looking about as though expecting to see him walk through the gate at any moment.

I swallowed before I was able to speak the words becoming caught in my throat, "He's gone," I whispered before being able to finish my sentence the tears begun once more, "he left this morning…"

"Left for where?"

"I don't know, and I'm so worried!" I replied hugging Ron more tightly than ever allowing myself to give in to my now overriding need to cry.

* * *

**Dedicated To:**_ LOL – I'm sure it explains itself._

**Author's Note:** Sorry everything has slowed down; these past few weeks have been hectic beyond belief with assessment projects coming at me from all directions. Hopefully I can bring it back to a one-update-per-week basis, but I can't make any promises! So a small explanation about this chapter, a few people hinted at Draco's strength wavering, and you were correct, it was not only Hermione's strength that wavered in the last chapter, and you guessed he would break soon, and as per my plot outline he leaves in this chapter, but whether he returns will be revealed later. Oh, and let's just say the Deluminator has been altered slightly…


	86. When Was The Last Time You Moved?

_**When Was The Last Time You?**__**  
**__Chapter Eighty Six :When Was The Last Time You Moved?__  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"_Sometimes, all we can do is pick up the pieces and move on."_

* * *

It was hard to believe how quickly life changed in the mere space of a few hours. How instantaneously the events of my life could turn and shift around me without me so much as even being aware. My tears had dried up moments after I had embraced Ron, there was something familiar and comforting about his embrace, as though it was something that resonated with me, something so familiar I could never forget it. No matter how angry I was with him, or how upset I could be at his childish words and foolishness, I could not help but forget it all in an instant the moment he wrapped his long arms around me and held me tightly as though he was one of the few things that could shield me from the dark world outside. Long had the time passed where he could protect me from the world outside, it was no longer mere taunts and degrading name-calling, it was life and death, and a simple hug could never take all that away. The world was how it was, and a hug was merely a hug, nothing more and nothing less.

He had been among those who had deserted me, but now it was almost as though he never had, I could never quite hold it entirely against him, as much as I wished to. Everything he had taken from me, all the missed opportunities and chances I had lost because of his choices I had gained something for. For everything he had taken from me, I had gained something. There was something to gain wherever something was lost it seemed. At times like these it seemed as though I'd lost so much more than I had ever anticipated, but now, looking back at the year that was, it was clear that I had gained more than I had ever expected. In the absence of those I cared for so deeply it seemed as though I would never find a way out of the depression which enveloped my life for a time, yet I had made it through. Although now it seemed as though I had been blinded by my own selfish needs, and now I had lost the one person who needed me to support him the way he had supported me.

Ron had held me tightly in his arms, for longer than I had even noticed. The familiar scent of his hair wafted over me, causing me to remember back to the days where it among the few familiar scents present drifting through the air whenever Amortenia was present. Now it was nothing more than a comforting scent which drove my mind homewards and into the arms of my best friends once again. My situation was bleak, every way I looked at it there was no one answer to any question I had, there were several answers, several choices but no right way to turn. We had all changed, Harry, Ron and myself, but it did not seem to affect us. No matter the distance which came between us and the time which separated us they were here waiting for me. It did not matter where they had gone or how they had gotten there I would fight my way to them once again. It was the knowledge that they would always be there, it was only now that I realised that they were the only constants in my life and would always be there, regardless of the situation to welcome me home.

I had given up on Draco returning once the realisation that he left of his own free will had settled in. I could not control his actions and he was free to leave at any time, yet I had never expected it nor anticipated it. I should have known he would never remain in this life, he would never have been able to in his old state but in his current state perhaps I had expected too much of him. I had placed expectations beyond his capabilities upon his shoulders when already they were so heavily overburdened. It should really have come as no surprise that he had left me alone, but how it had. How it had changed everything I believed to be true and had challenged everything I had ever placed my trust in. Yet somehow, my faith in Harry remained, it seemed the day only drew nearer and nearer that he would have to face Voldemort head on, and I had every bit of faith that he could win.

All that stood in Harry's way were the Horcruxes and the Deathly Hallows. We sat around the tents small dining table, a deafening silence falling upon us as we glanced at the small cup which lay in the centre of the table beside the destroyed diary of Tom Riddle and the cracked remnants of Salazar Slytherin's locket. These items represented a series of shattered hopes, dreams, and yes, even lives. They each represented a separate murder, the taking of a life in order to secure his own, and there was something so awful about simply being in their presence as though they were slowly sucking ever last piece of life from the air around them. I shuddered glancing at the cup; it was the last complete Horcrux which stood in our way, the only piece of his soul we had in our possession left to destroy.

"Bloody hell, how are we supposed to destroy this now we've lost the sword?" Ron asked suddenly causing everyone to jump.

"There are several ways, each more dangerous than the last," I replied,

"What do you suggest?" Harry asked,

"Well unless you have a dead Basilisk in that bag of yours Hermione we really have nothing to destroy it with," Ron replied somewhat sarcastically.

"There's no need for sarcasm, Ron," I replied, "I do have a solution but I'm not entirely sure whether or not it is wise to even go about attempting it."

"What does it involve?"

"Fiendfyre," I whispered, "it's a cursed magical fire which will burn through almost anything including a Horcrux. I would use it, but it's incredibly difficult to control and if things get out of hand, well there are no guarantees we would make it away in time."

"In time for what?"

"To avoid running into an Ashwinder." I added noticing the look of confusion forming on Ron's freckled face, "An Ashwinder is a creature which forms in the remnants of fire which has been allowed to burn unchecked, commonly found in Fiendfyre, they give off intense heat and will burn anything in sight. We would need to be well away if one formed."

"Would you attempt it if it meant we could destroy the cup?" Harry asked nervously,

"I would, but I fear the worst of this spell. Its dark magic and I have such little experience in that area… I don't know entirely what to expect. In other words it's huge risk I'm not entirely sure I'm willing to take."

"Are there other methods we could use?"

"Of course, none of which are entirely accessible to us at the current time. If there was even the slightest possibility of me pulling off this curse successfully I would say it, but having never seen it for myself, and only having read it about I'm doubting that a positive outcome will result if I attempt it."

"You're the brightest witch of your age, Hermione," Ron replied taking my hand, "I trust your judgment entirely."

"It would seem as though my judgment is faulty," I replied, "you should not trust me."

"Look it this way, when it all boils down to it, we're all human. We make mistakes."

"Is that so?" I asked,

"I let you go – _twice_, and now I look at what's left of the girl I knew and I can't help but be amazed at how she's grown. Your spirit may have been broken and you may have lost something you loved dearly, but you keep fighting. You've always been that way, you just never give up even when there's nothing left to fight with…"

I smiled and squeezed his hand between my own, his words warmed my heart in a way that very few others could manage to do. I looked into his familiar eyes, and the familiar green eyes of my other best friend, together there was very little we could not do. Although Hogwarts was no longer there to welcome us home again with its warm crackling fires, hallways lined with armoured knights, and fire lit corridors which wound about the castle endlessly in directions which would lead you anywhere if you were not paying attention, my home was now here - with the two boys I'd grown up with. These two boys had seen me through some of my darkest and happiest moments; they had been there with me nearly the entire way through my schooling, and I no longer held it against them in the slightest.

In their madness they had given me something no-one had never expected, the chance to love when everything seemed so bleak and inevitably my freedom, and today, freedom was a gift that no-one took for granted. I was one of the very few who could claim that their freedom still remained, while others were not quite as lucky, prisoners of the new decrees and regulations issued by the Ministry, those very rules which bound them by blood status and tied them to a pre-determined fate handed to them by the Ministry. There was much mystery surrounding the actions of the Ministry, for some it was not even entirely clear that Thicknesse was a puppet. For others it was painfully clear and all their attempts to rebel against it had landed them in hot water, upon list after list of blood traitors, watched and hunted by the Aurror Department. It seemed today, everything had been reversed, and those who once hunted the hunters themselves, were now hunting the innocent.

Ron reached over and turned the small radio on, muttering the password the familiar voices of those who run Potterwatch filled the room. Even today, this far onwards Harry and Ron continued to tuned in to hear the familiar voices sharing any news which had come to light in recent days, including the continuing updates to the ever growing list of the dead. The list of the dead only grew and the silence which surrounded the moments in which each name was read was filled with the grief of familiarity in many of the names. When all was near complete, Fred Weasley summed it all up but a few simple words,

"Rapier, do you want to wrap this broadcast up?" Kingsley asked quietly,

"Of course, thank you Royal, I've a few words for Harry, if he's listening," Fred replied, "Wherever you are, mate, and whatever you are doing we are behind you every step of the way. Long live Potter."

With his final words the station was filled with static signalling the ending of the broadcast, his final words, my own, left ringing in the deafening silence which followed. There was a pause as each of us tried to speak, unable to find the words we so desperately wished to speak. It was as though we could no longer find the words we needed to express our sorrow, or how we truly felt. We all understood it, and for that very reason it went unspoken. Silently agreed to that we all understood.

"Where to from here?" Ron asked finally breaking the silence,

"To the few places we have left to search…" Harry replied.

"Hogwarts," Ron whispered,

"And the Orphanage,"

"I also think it's time we paid Xenophilius Lovegood a visit… He seems to know about the Deathly Hallows from what Luna has told me…" I whispered scooping the Horcruxes into the bag in front of me.

"Well let's go there first." Ron replied,

"Let's," I replied stepped outside the tent with Harry and Ron in my wake.

Silently I dismantled the tent with a swipe of my wand and packed it into my bag. I grabbed Harry and Ron's hands in preparation to Apparate to the Lovegood's home and we moved from this place and into the darkness and chaos of the unknown.

* * *

**Dedication:** My patient readers, who put up with my unpredictable updates, I only hope each lives up to the expectations held of it.

**Authors Note:** I've apologised a few too many times, and I'm sorry, but real life has its own way of doing things. Now, the quote, you probably won't find anywhere, but a close friend of mine said it to me during a rather difficult time in my life, and I believe there is true in those words, so they inspired much of this chapter. As did JK Rowling's inspirational and moving speech at the DH Premire. *tears* Don't forget to review!


	87. When Was The Last Time You Hoped?

_**When Was The Last Time You**__**?  
**Chapter Eighty-Seven: When Was The Last Time You Hoped?_  
_A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow" – Albert Einstein

* * *

I recognised the familiar landscape which surrounded the Lovegood's home, the long grasses and sweeping bends in the path which we walked led towards a large forest. Behind us lay the now empty Weasley home, which had been vacated during my time at Hogwarts due to compromised safety. It was a lonely thought, that the home that had been once so full of life now lay barren just beyond the hill behind us. The old cauldrons piled at the backdoor and the unmatched shoes that were littered about the house now lay abandoned for reasons out of their control. The home which had been theirs for years before I had even known Ron had now been left to decay slowly until a time when it was safe for them to return. In some ways, it was as much my fault as it was Ron's or Harry's. Our choices had led us to this place, and I often felt as though sometimes, the people we loved most were placed in the line of fire in order for us to complete the task we had been left with.

I noticed Ron's body tensing up as we reached the crossroad which he had told us would lead to their home. He had stopped upon reaching a small sign which indicated the direction that we needed to take, I stopped walking, turning to look at him staring longingly in the direction of his childhood home. I grabbed his hand and turned his body around to face me, looking into his eyes it was clear that he too wished to return home – we all did. I placed my hand on his shoulder comfortingly, although I had never been particularly good at comforting anyone it was clear that I was at an advantage when attempting to comfort Ron, I knew him so well so it was clear to me when something was bothering him, and it easier to comfort him when such things occurred.

"We'll be able to go home soon enough. When this is all over…"

"Will it be there waiting for me though?" He asked softly.

"It'll always be waiting for you, Ron. You've just got to find it." I replied wrapping my arms around him.

Harry cleared his throat loudly causing us both to jump. He was pointing towards a building not all that far away, although it was oddly shaped and I could not tell whether it was the Lovegood residence or another building. I let go of Ron, pulling the bag up my arm where it had slipped and begun walking towards the building, noticing a series of strange signs which scattered the path as we approached it. Each mentioned something more ridiculous than the next, a sure sign that it we were nearing the Lovegood's home. I noticed a small sign which mentioned the Quibbler, and an arrow pointing towards the house.

"It's a rook," Ron noted as we approached the building,

"A what?" Harry asked,

"You know the chess piece? A rook?" Ron replied excitedly, "There's not a doubt in my mind that this is the Lovegood place, who else would live in a house shaped like a giant chess piece?"

Harry chuckled lightly as he walked towards the door, glancing over the building it was clear that something was terribly out of place here. Several of the windows were broken, the glass having fallen and smashed upon the rough ground surrounding the building, the curtains which had come into contact with the broken glass had shredded to pieces and fluttered eerily out of the windows. The house was completely dark within, as though it had been long abandoned and left to the neglect of the elements. I noticed a dark shape lean out quickly from behind one of the curtains on the upper floors of the house, ducking behind the window frame as we approached the door.

"Stop!" I cried running forward as Harry pushed the door open.

"No-one's here, Hermione. The house has been abandoned." Harry replied.

"I saw someone in the second floor window… There's someone in there."

"_Lumos_," Ron whispered pushing past Harry and entering the building.

"Ron!" I cried, "Don't go in there!"

"Don't you want to see who it is?" He asked,

"No!" I cried,

"It might be a _Death Eater_…" I whispered, considering every possibility.

What came next I had never expected, "What like your boyfriend?" Ron sneered harshly,

"Don't bring Draco into this!" I hissed, walking forward as I withdrew my wand from my pocket,

"What he can abandon you and you'll still defend him?"

"She could say the same for you." Harry replied.

"Now is not the time to fight," I interjected, "Someone or something is up there, and you're just going to go rushing into the house… Have you taken all leave of your senses?"

"No, of course not…" Harry replied calmly, "It might be Luna or her father; there is every chance that it's not a Death Eater."

"Put the cloak on, Harry. We don't want to be taking any unnecessary chances…" I replied reaching into the bag containing all our belongings and withdrawing the Invisibility Cloak which had been handed down to him from his father.

He took the cloak from my hand and threw it over himself, completely covering his body as he disappeared entirely against the building behind him. There were brief moments where his ankles were visible as he walked, his sneakers being revealed in bright white flashes as he stepped up the stairs. Years ago the cloak was large enough to easily cover all three of them, now we struggled to cover Harry alone with the cloak. It was easy to see how time had changed each of us, and now more than ever it was clear that in some ways we'd all aged beyond our years in our quest to find these Horcruxes on very little instruction with no guide or direction whatsoever to help us.

"_Lumos_," I whispered causing the tip of my wand to ignite brightly as I stepped into the dark house.

I immediately moved towards the stairs passing by a large statue, climbing them as silently as I could, reaching the top of the stairs I noticed a dim light moving about in one of the rooms. I held my breath as I approached a small room off to the left where the light was emitting from. Glancing into the room I noticed a figure moving about near the window, I watched them moving about for a moment, turning over books and pieces of parchment as though they were looking for something in particular. His lengthy blond hair was tucked into his black robes as they he was attempting to avoid leaving any form of evidence behind. _Knox, _I thought to myself causing the light from my wand to be extinguished as I moved towards the door, I felt Ron's hand grasp my shoulder, pulling me backwards as I moved to enter the room.

"What are you doing?" He mouthed tightening his grasp on my shoulder.

I placed my hand upon his, sliding it from my shoulder. I quickly moved towards the door, pointing my wand towards the figure moving about the room.

"_Expelliarums_!" I cried disarming the man moving about the room,

"_Lumos_," Ron whispered pointing his wand at him, revealing the man to be Lucius Malfoy.

"Malfoy…" I whispered my voice filled with contempt, "What are you doing here?"

"That is of little concern to you, _Mudblood_." He replied viciously,

"It is of every concern to us…" Ron replied tightening his grip on the collar of his robes,

Lucius Malfoy laughed roughly; the once well groomed man was now looking as though he had long been in a state of neglecting himself and abusing alcoholic substances. In all honesty, he looked even more frightening than he ever had before; there was something about the empty, lifeless glare in his eyes that felt as though his eyes were burning into your soul leaving nothing but your worst memories behind. There was something in his eyes that left you wondering what this man had endured in his life, Draco made it seem as though compared to his father, his grandfather was nothing short of a saint, although if that was the truth it was clear what the power of choices had upon us. The lure of power had led Lucius Malfoy and his family into near ruin, both socially and in terms of the lack of power they held under Voldemort's rule.

"Why are you here?" I replied pressing my wand to his throat tightly,

"I can't tell you." He spat,

"Oh I'm sure you can," Ron replied, "Tell us, what are you dpoing here?"

"You're foolish, like your father if you think I can simply hand over my Master's orders as though I'm not bound by any spell or enchantment to tell an outsider. Ha!" He spat, "You are as foolish as the man who raised you!"

"He is no fool; he's twice the man you are." Ron growled grabbing Lucius' hair and pulling it tightly, "I'm going to ask you one last time, what are you doing here."

Lucius laughed, it was a cruel and high pitched sound which escaped his lips, one which I desired never to hear again. There was something unnerving about hearing this man express any form of happiness, even if it was verging on the point of an insane, almost manic laughter. His eyes were suddenly filled with a distant warmth as though there was something missing from the equation, something I did not quite understand. It was as though there was hope in his eyes, a distant and hopeful desire that he might have an opportunity he would otherwise not have the opportunity to have. It was something he had lost, something he desired to have returned to him, yet at the same time he hid it well but in these moments of quiet desperation had resorted to this in order to seize it once again.

"Where is my son?" He asked quietly, "I know he is here with you."

"Draco is downstairs," I lied calmly, "tell us why you're here and I might let you see him."

He laughed once again, as though he himself did not believe this to be a fair trade. There was something missing in his laughter, as though he'd lost something more than his son, perhaps an object Draco had that he was after. It was not in the nature of Lucius Malfoy to long for a family reunion; in fact he seemed like a man with quite the opposite desires. From what Draco had told me, it seemed more as though Narcissa was the sort to long for a reunion with her son. Whilst Narcissa seemed like the loving, mother figure in Draco's life, Lucius seemed like the sort to have forced as much misery into his childhood as possible.

"Do you want to see your son?" Ron asked,

"No," He replied, "He stole something from me."

"What did he steal?" I asked.

"A ring, and I desire it back in my possession."

"You'll find no ring here." I replied clenching my fist tightly to obscure it from view, "He would never have given it to Luna."

"I never believed for a moment that he would have given it to the blood traitor…"

"Well why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious…" He replied,

"No it's not," Ron hissed dropping him against the ground causing my wand to slip from his throat.

"I guess you'll never know," Lucius whispered with a wry smile, vanishing before our very eyes with a loud '_pop!'_

I sighed dropping my wand on the ground, Lucius had slipped right through our fingers, yet at the same time, I doubted he could have given us any definitive information in the first place. He would have been bound by orders to hide the true motives for his appearance here from anyone who asked, it seemed to ring true of what was known of how Lord Voldemort's communication with his followers. I grabbed my wand from the ground and crawled to my feet just as Harry rushed into the room waving a long piece of parchment in his hand.

"I've… found it…" He panted loudly,

"Found what?" I replied,

"Two things actually," He replied having entirely caught his breath, "A link to the Elder Wand from that story you translated, and potentially another Horcrux."

"The Elder Wand can wait, but the Horcrux, not so much. If he became aware that we are hunting them, there is every chance that he will move to protect them, as far as we are aware the Elder Wand is well hidden, the trail having being lost several decades ago…" Ron replied.

"You've looked for it?" I asked, unable to hide the surprised tone in my voice,

"Well there's a great possibility of it actually existing isn't there?" Ron replied with a proud smile,

"I wouldn't be so sure that it vanished entirely," Harry replied, "the last known owner of the Elder Wand was… Gregorovitch, why does that name sound familiar?" He added,

"Have you read about him somewhere?" I asked.

Ron rolled his eyes at me as though this was the standard answer he had almost expected him to give, "What it's not that improbable!" I replied hitting him with my bag impulsively.

"Hermione… Krum!" Harry replied,

"I'm sorry, I've not spoken to him since the wedding…" I replied, noticing Ron's eyes rolling in their sockets at mention of his name. "What relevance has he to the wand? Surely he does not have it."

"No, but his wand was made by Gregorovitch!" Harry replied excitedly, "And he is the last listed owner of the Elder Wand…"

"How does that help us find it?" I asked,

"It's a lead, Hermione!" Ron snapped, "We've not had one for months!"

"Regardless of it being a lead or not, it's too hard to track down a wandmaker and question him on the location of a wand he could easily have sold to someone years ago!"

"Would you see the Wand of Destiny to just any old person?" Ron asked, "Hermione, this is the unbeatable wand, he's probably still got it!"

"Regardless! The Horcruxes are more important right now!" Harry added, "If you'll follow me!"

We followed Harry down the stairs to the grand floor, where a large statue of what appeared to be Rowena Ravenclaw stood near the door, the inscription upon the plaque read: '_Rowena Ravenclaw and the Lost Diadem: Wit Beyond Measure is Man's Greatest Treasure!'_

"Well there's something we hadn't considered…" Ron whispered,

"There's something indeed, if he managed to find it, it could very well be a Horcrux!" I replied, and for the first time in days, we had reason to hope.

* * *

**Dedicated To:** Watson, for giving me reason to hope.


	88. When Was The Last Time You Murdered?

**When Was The Last Time You?  
**_Chapter Eighty Eight: When Was The Last Time You Murdered?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

_Draco's Perspective_

* * *

I coughed loudly, the whole movement sent a colossal shudder through my body causing me to collapse onto my knees. There was nothing I could do to stop it, I had lost the will to fight such involuntary actions long ago. Just as I'd lost the will to fight anyone who dared to try and stop me from what I had been instructed to do long ago, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to fight for something new, because the fight I'd once fought now seemed so pointless, and that feeling had all begun with her. She was the only thing in my life worth fighting for, and that had been true for most part of the last year, I only hope she knew that, because now it was too late to tell her.

The taste of my own spit mingled with blood had filled my mouth caused me to gag and splutter involuntarily on the cold stone floor. These rooms once reserved for the Muggle-borns now held someone of much purer blood, someone who did not belong here. I couldn't help but think how true my parents were. Their words on the night of the ball carried truths I myself had not wanted accept at the time. I was a traitor. I truly belonged among their ranks, among the people who'd been dragged by Snatchers from their homes, through the Ministry screening process and into Azkaban in but a matter of minutes. There was no denying, I had done so much wrong by these people during my life, but to be among them now was nothing but humbling. To hear their desperate pleas for freedom, for family who'd not managed to make it through the screening process, but rather were handed straight into the hands of the Dementors was enough to keep me awake long into the night.

I coughed again, spitting out a large amount of blood, a large cut above my right eye still causing my eye to become blurry with the blood that managed to escape during my coughing fits, the only moments where I could not maintain pressure upon the point. I suppose they were up there waiting for me to break also, to scream out for my parents, Hermione or even potentially the Dark Lord, in the hope that I might be granted some form of leniency, but I would not bow their flimsy expectations. The Draco they thought they knew was long gone. I would not scream for help, I would not give them the satisfaction of knowing my pain, after all, isn't that all they wanted?

I could not help but think of those outside these walls, I had left Hermione to fend for herself but I could not abandon the only family that still had faith in me. I had received letters on our journeys, my mother writing to me, pleading with me to return home. I had not listened to the greater part of these letters until the last had arrived. It was not in my mother's handwriting, but my father's. I knew it was some sort of trap designed to lure me from hiding but the claim that my mother was grievously ill was all too much for me to sit by and ignore as I had the previous letters. I had left in the early hours of the morning, leaving nothing behind but a note of my own in my place. It was my intention to return before Hermione would awake and see the letter, but as I had predicted it was a trap. The letter and the gentle kiss upon the forehead I had left Hermione with were the only marks where all she had to indicate that this abandonment was not entirely voluntary, and yet one of those signs she would not even remember.

I did not want to leave, but I had to. I could not leave my mother to die, and as my father so callously alluded to in the letter it was an illness cast upon her for her disobedience and correspondence with me. It was a thought that sickened me. She had been punished for letters I had not even responded to. It was clear, in the eyes of the Dark Lord's company; I was nothing more than a common blood traitor, a thief and now I was little more than a man who had abandoned his duty and master.

Above all else, I knew more than anything I was a coward. A coward for abandoning my family and the task I was given. A coward for abandoning the man I once called my master, no matter how involuntarily I had entered into his service. I was a coward; for abandoning the woman I loved. It was no small thing to abandon someone as I had Hermione, even worse was the fact that I claimed and knew with a great amount of certainty that I loved her.

She was once my task, a threat to be eliminated in order to make sort of amends for the failures of my past, but I could not. It seemed fate was much crueller than I had first assumed. I never imagined that I could possibly come to love her; it was Granger the bushy haired insufferable know it all Mudblood. I would never have loved under normal circumstances and yet, she was the first to show me any form of kindness, who despite the prejudices she had come to hold, reached out to me. How could I not love her for everything she was and everything she wasn't despite what I had been taught and what I had been done? At that point in my life I hardly believed I was even capable of love at all, not after what I had done, but somehow, through some small miracle she changed that, and suddenly I was alive again.

I found myself walking backwards; it was only a few paces until I found the stone wall behind me, my head crashed against it as I slid along the cool rough surface to the ground. It was hard to find any form of peace within this place, one could scarcely sleep for the screams which echoed through the corridors, some I feared were not even of the living any more. Some would say I was living through would could only be described as hell, but I could see it as nothing by a punishment, a punishment for being a fool. I knew I should never have left her, but the concern I felt for my mother was too great to ignore. My mother was the only family member that really had ever shown me any form of kindness. It may have been in the form of giving gifts or showing far too much concern in my activities, but she at least cared. The same could not be said for my father and my aunt who only had the patience for cruel words and a scathing glare or two which highlighted their disappointment and disapproval whenever in the room.

That was the man I had idolised – the man I had called my father, but now I could not imagine why I had ever wanted to be like him in the first place. There was no redeeming quality in the long empty heart of Lucius Malfoy, if he couldn't even show his son some kindness I feared for the many others that came into contact with him on a daily basis. I had spent so many years of my life looking up to him, hoping that someday I could be as powerful and as influential as he had seemed to be, but I had seen the other side of this as well now, I had seen a weak man who had been bullied into handing over his own family to his master, a man that could no longer protect my mother and I as he should have. That man, my father, he too was a coward, a personal trait that must have run in the family.

I'd spent so long pretending that nothing mattered to me, I'd spent so many years of my life living the lie I had invented to protect myself that even I had come to believe it. I had thrown away my family for the woman I loved, and while I had first believed that I had no regrets surrounding this, I did. My mother truly was ill; I had seen it with my own eyes as I Apparated into the manor. I had seen her frail frame, her empty eyes and pale skin. It was something more than stress, whatever it was, it was killing her. A spell, a poison, something was slowly eating away at her from the inside, and judging from the look in her eyes, she knew this as well and I'd just allowed myself to believe that I no longer cared, but looking at her, I realised that I did, I cared more than anything.

Hearing footsteps echoing through the long corridor that separated the small cells that had been placed within the Manor basement I looked up, my grey eyes attempting to find a familiar face among the darkness. A small thin hand wrapped its way around the bars of my cell; the hands were too thin, almost as though the owner had not eaten in weeks. I waited for a moment as the footsteps stopped and the rattle of keys filled the small space and after a moment my cell door creaked open. It only took a matter of moments for the cell door to open and those Dementor-like hands to grab me pulling me towards whomever it was that had been instructed to collect me. This was my only chance, I knew where they would be taking me and there was no coming back from that place. Once I had been taken to The Dark Lord I would not be brought back here, it was unlikely I would be taken anywhere aside from a grave on the grounds somewhere, one, more likely than not, that had already been hollowed out of the ground somewhere behind the Manor.

The figure who had grabbed me was strong, that much was obvious from how they had grabbed me earlier, but for some reason they weren't holding me tightly now, almost as though I was no longer a threat to them, they believed me too weak to fight. What they did not realise was until this point, I simply had no desire to fight, but I did now. Reaching around I pushed them backwards with all my strength only causing them to stumble backwards, it was not much, but it was enough. Their strength was paired with what seemed to be an incredible speed, I doubted they were entirely human judging by their actions as it seemed in the blink of an eye a hand was wrapped around my throat and no air was able to pass through to my lungs. I was dying and there was little I could do to stop it.

Kicking my legs I struggled to push the weight of the figure off my body, but found that it was useless. I was trapped, unable to breathe and barely able to move, it was seeming more and more likely that I would die here. Suddenly my hand wrapped around a familiar object, while it was not mine, it was similar enough to do the job. A wand. The only thing that could save me now. I'd not paid much attention in class the previous year, something I regretted now as my non-verbal spell casting was limited to a stunning spell but it was enough to free me. As their weight lifted off me I found a moment to breathe, alive once more. Walking over to my attacker I pulled their hood backwards realising that it was the Unspeakable my father often spoke of. I no longer cared about what was right and what was wrong, I only cared that he got what he deserved, and judging by his actions I was not the first he had attempted to take the life of.

"_Avada Kedavra_," I said simply almost as though it meant nothing, and yet this did not bother me, he was simply getting what he deserved and in an instant, a bright green light filled the dungeons and the light was drained from Augustus Rookwood's eyes.

* * *

**Author's Note**: I hope you enjoyed the first of two very special chapters in this story, the next 'Draco-Chapter' will be 97 so if you liked this one, which I'm hoping you kind of did, sorry about the wait. So now that I have everything in order I'm hoping posting will be more regular seeing as it's been so crazy up until now. Let me know what you thought about this one!


	89. When Was The Last Time You Owed?

_**When Was The Last Time You?  
**__Chapter Eighty-Nine: When Was The Last Time You Started?  
__A Tale By: In The Shadows I Dwell_

* * *

The lead we had found that day in the Lovegood's abandoned home, it transpired, was near useless. Despite everything we knew about Horcurxes it was the small details, seemingly insignificant things that were so easily overlooked that seemed to create the most hassle. No-one had seen the lost Diadem of Rowena Ravendclaw in centuries. In fact all the hours I spent researching in the days following our encounter with Lucius Malfoy at the rook shaped house proved that this was one small detail that could not be overcome easily. While the wand could be traced throughout history, a bloody, violent event marking the passing of the wand from one hand to the other. It could be tracked throughout time easily, as though it had been created to be found, just another cruel joke on Death's part. The wand while undefeatable was made to bring about the owner's death - the eldest brother had unknowingly asked for such an item to enter into his possession, just as I had walked blindly into the heart of the storm raging around us.

In fact, as time progressed I was beginning to discover just how meaningless what little information we had truly was. We had a link to the wand, though as hard as I searched there was no sign of the wandmaker Viktor had bought his wand from all those years ago, and whether you would call it a link to what potentially could have been another Horcrux was as useless as the lead to the wand. Neither had a beginning point, nor an ending point, only a small detail thrown somewhere in the middle which we were trying to use to extract the full story from. No matter how hard I tried, I knew, without a doubt, most likely due to a combination of what I learnt at school and common sense, that even we could not make something out of nothing, and those small details we were relying on, as much as I hated to admit it, were our nothing.

Sitting in the small living room of the tent that had now become our home, the silence that surrounded me at this late hour of the night sent a gentle shiver down my spine. The pain caused by the stab wound continued to wash over me at times when I least expected it, generally late at night when nothing but darkness and silence surrounded me. It was in those moments that I wished for nothing more than Draco's return, but part of me knew that it was pointless to hope for such things, to wish for his return was to place my hope in a pointless dream, the sort that was barely worth the time put into hoping for it. He had left in the middle of the night, leaving behind nothing but a note and a hole in my heart that felt as though it could never be repaired. The sort that remained open, stretching painfully until it ripped open, leaving everything within exposed. I would never have thought I, of all people, Hermione Jean Granger would be reduced to this by a boy, Draco Malfoy no less. Boy troubles seemed beyond the problems of someone who should have had the greater good of the wizarding world on their mind, rather than her pathetic broken heart, and the boy who dared to make her believe in love.

I sounded like a teenager who'd had her heart broken. But the painful truth was, that is exactly what I was. We were children, teenagers in the middle of a war, the hopes of an entire world resting on our success – that alone was a ridiculous amount of stress to have placed upon one's shoulders. I was the only one to have even finished their schooling, we had not even been allowed that, nor would Harry and Ron have chosen it if given the choice. We were teenagers, teenagers thrown into the midst of a battle none of us could even begin to comprehend. We were victims as much as anyone else, because this war had taken part of our lives from us as well. We may have been out here fighting the war, but it had stolen family, friends, peers and neighbours from us all. We were not mindless soldiers like Voldemort's Inferi, we were people and we felt pain. That was, at least what I continued to tell myself, to somehow process that what I was feeling was natural, rather than selfish.

I hear footsteps, and glance up seeing Ron's familiar face glancing down at me.

"You owe me an apology," he says simply, but I notice there is anger in his eyes, the cause of which I could not determine, only that I know, even in small confined spaces such as this, friendships were often tested.

There is the sound of my fingernails tapping lightly against the wood of the table in front of me lingering between us, impatiently rhythmic, curious as to why he demanded such a thing from me.

"An apology?" I ask carefully.

"You owe at least that much to me," he whispered through gritted teeth as though the words are bitter in his own mouth.

"I didn't do anything, why would I apologise?"

"I told you Malfoy was a lying, untrustworthy piece of scum, and you didn't believe me. Now you think it's alright to go around thinking that it's somehow our fault that you got yourself into this mess!"

"I never pretended that it was, I know perfectly well that is entirely my fault!"

"I warned you, and you didn't listen," it was as though he was saying these things believing that I had not listened, I had. I'd been careful with my emotions, though clearly my trust had ultimately been placed wrongly in Draco. "He left you, and you've been looking miserable for days!"

"Sometimes we have to accept the punishment for our mistakes, Ron, you can't protect me forever, sometimes you've just got to do whatever you have to in order to pretend that these sort of things don't hurt, that's all I can do now."

"But I don't want to see you hurt, neither of us do," he admitted pointing to the room where Harry slept. "I'd do anything if it meant seeing a smile on your face again."

"I doubt anyone wants to be hurt by someone they love," I told him, "but it's not always easy to avoid, we just have to accept that it happens, and hope, that somehow we can move on."

"Is that what you're trying to do," He asks quietly, taking my small hand in his. "Move on?"

"It's all I can do," I whisper removing my hand from his grip turning away from him, afraid that the tears I felt building up slowly in my eyes would fall, and that silent indication of how deeply hurt I truly felt would be visible to the world, when I wanted nothing more than to hide it away where no-one could see it.

"You don't have to do everything alone, he's a bloody prat for leaving you, Hermione," I feel his hand on my shoulder, his warm and comforting touch spreading through me.

"It's not the sort of thing I'm going to drag you or Harry into," I whisper, picking up a piece of parchment off the table, staring at it half-heartedly in an attempt to think of anything other than Draco or where he might be.

"Maybe I want to be dragged into it," he responds, turning me around to face him.

He leans forward, his head moving ever so slightly to the side as his lips press against mine in the clumsiest way possible – the way only Ron Weasley could achieve. Unprepared there was little I could do to avoid it. His lips are warm against my own, and my body responded, returning his kiss hungrily. But it's not the same as it was with Draco. It's already been proven that I simply did not feel any even remotely romantically related feelings for Ron, but part of me insists that I should, that he was the only one left now who would want me and the terrible mess my life had become over the past year. Who would want a killer and thief? After everything I had done, I didn't deserve the love of someone like Ron; I deserved the love of someone whose actions matched my own, because in any other circumstances, I would have deserved a one-way trip to Azkaban. In my own mind, I was little more than a criminal, inhabiting the now empty shell of a girl who would have been horrified at my actions.

My hands pressed against his chest push him away with a light shove. Biting my lip, I realise I cannot find the words to express how wrong what had happened moments ago, was. Running my hands through my hair I turn away from him. Each sentence running through my mind begun and ended with Draco, and by even mentioning his name surely it would be like opening Pandora's box, all that dwelled beneath the surface left to rise and become clear between us, not matter how avoidable I wished it were.

"You still love him, don't you?" Ron asks softly, breaking the silence I could not.

"More than anything," I tell him quietly, turning to face the ginger haired boy I had grown up with.

"Can you… I don't know, stop loving him?" There is a quiet desperate quality to his voice, as though he was almost pleading.

It is as though he believed this is his last chance to find love, and that any attempts from this point onwards would be entirely useless, because there would always be me. I can see it in those familiar eyes, he believes that this is his last chance - that if he does not survive the war, his love will have been wasted on a girl who would never love him in return. I cannot bear to see that hurt in his eyes any longer, I love him, but not in the way he wants me to, and I don't know whether I ever could – not when it feels as though trust is something I would struggle to ever give freely again. It is at this point, I do the last thing I would have done in the past - I lie to him.

"Maybe," I tell him taking his hands in my own, "but it's going to take time."

Love could grow, couldn't it, just for us?

"How long?"

I hesitate, "I don't know."

Honesty has a way of ruining things.

Where there was a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, a frown had replaced it, the hurt even more clear in his eyes than before. I've never been good with reassuring people, in fact, I'd always done a rather poor job of it in the past, though this was different. I wanted more than anything to reach over and hug him and tell him that I loved him and that nothing was stopping me anymore, despite the fact it was clearly a lie. I wanted to tell him whatever it would take to ensure his happiness for as long as I could pretend. But I had never been a liar, or a fake, I couldn't bring myself to continually hurt him, each lie would be like a calculated stab into his back, and when the knives I'd placed there myself were removed, the pain would be all that was left.

"I'm not going to lie to you," I told him, knowing that any attempt to even reach towards him would most likely result in my hand being slapped away as though it were that of someone he hated. "I at least owe you the truth."

* * *

**Dedication:** There are no words to describe how much a certain friend has influenced this chapter, and how thankful I am for their presence in my life.

**Author's Note:** Getting closer to that magic number 100. Thank you all for your lovely reviews on the last chapter!


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